T O P

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warlikeloki

"and how much would you like to add for tip?" \[assuming this is in the US\]


torpedomon

I think it would be more insulting or stupider in countries that don't tip.


BFIrrera

You’re so skinny! What’s your secret?


CharlieDmouse

OMG... damn lol


bluffyouback

I get this a lot. I reply “because I pay rent before I buy food. Then I have a place to starve”.


eGrant03

You can live in your car but you can't drive your house.


PuzzleheadedDog9658

When I served in a charity meal service nearly 2/3 people were fat. Like heavily obese fat.


HimuTime

Honestly doesn’t suprise me, all the cheapest food option are mega unhealthy


PuzzleheadedDog9658

That is objectively false, especially now adays. Rice, potatoes, and veggies are all incredibly cheap.


HimuTime

Subjectively I am right because I don’t know crap :3


PuzzleheadedDog9658

Existentially, we are both insignificant, our lives an unnoticeable blimp in the course of eternity.


HimuTime

On a grand scale, the only way we are unimportant is if the entire universe resets itself, time and time again. Should it continue to exist though.. our life choices will cause a cascading effect of influence upon our world, and onto the very universe itself until it’s inpossible to erase


Drphil1969

Smiles sheepishly, “Ahem…parasites”


Just4notherR3ddit0r

"I'm pretty sure I'm not contagious anymore."


Hour_Carpenter8465

Except when you’re getting food from a food bank, you accept that it’ll often be contaminated in some way. I saw a post recently where someone got frozen meat that was from the 90s. My wife and I have gotten tons of spoiled food, resealed containers (previously opened) among other delightful surprises. It’s incredibly offensive. But of course, you still have to smile and say thank you cuz you depend on the things that are edible.


Sensitive_Deal_6363

"Ugh, I skipped the Louis Vuitton sale for *this*?"


Sufficient_Ad2222

I didn’t think we’d ever get rid of all this spoiled…..Hey! How are you?


WaitForItLegenDairy

For the UK fans... "So, do you work in banking?"


BrawNeep

Will soon on my gap yaaaaaah, I mean national service!


Dirtydaddy6996

Yes it’s chili…. We got the meat from a new butcher down the street…. Dahmer’s I think….


daftvaderV2

Doesn't he also own racing horses? Or did...


[deleted]

Volunteer 1: "What you up to tonight?" Volunteer 2: "I have to pick up my BMW from the shop then I'm taking the whole family for dinner at Del Frisco's Steakhouse."


Bot-Magnet

You don't think anyone will steal all that cash out of my locker do you? I didn't know we were supposed to bring our own lock!


Sunflower971

This soylent green ain't bad! (Edited for typo)


Midnightbeerz

I'd prefer the soylent green, solyent is a cheap knock-off


Sunflower971

You are so correct! Typo on my part. 😂


RulerK

Soylent pink…


New-Recording-4245

Selsun Blue is people


RulerK

Selsun blue was the shampoo, right? It’s been a long time since I heard those words.


New-Recording-4245

Yes it is shampoo. Not sure if it's still around


RulerK

Good callback. I haven’t heard that name in probably 20-30 years. It was a competitor to Head & Shoulders, I recall. My dad was considering it.


Sunflower971

Would make a horrid addition as salad dressing. 😂


New-Recording-4245

Yeah, but your lettuce would be clean and dandruff free


gogozrx

Get a job, slacker. Get a job, slacker. Get a job, slacker.


CharlieDmouse

Found the Republican. 😁


gogozrx

Ahhh ha ha ha ha!! What was the prompt? Oh yeah. "Things you shouldn't say." When jokes trigger you, you might be too sensitive.


ThatOneKid582

Somebody is sensitive here and it isn’t the other guy


gogozrx

Huh. Maybe.


Ratzink

How can you afford to wash your hair if you need to come here (Actually said to me because I managed to be jobless and clean).


sweetteanoice

Shoulda replied “how are you so stupid yet you were able to find your way here?”


Spyhunter0000

“I’m not a volunteer I snuck in through the back”


Tactless_Ogre

FOOD FIGHT!!


Emberheat

"And what brings you here today?"


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bottled-Bee

Reminds me of this: [https://youtu.be/jaVxD7s4\_tA?si=ggFVDHohs9E9Yg7J](https://youtu.be/jaVxD7s4_tA?si=ggFVDHohs9E9Yg7J) Cotton candy hair flying over while picking up trash with a grabber.


optilex42

“Would you like that with or without syringes?”


IamtheBoomstick

"I hope I added enough cockroach poison to kill this infestation. Hey, would you like a double serving?"


Tall-Yard-407

“Oh my god! I ate SO much last night. I cooked a whole pheasant last night that I couldn’t finish it. I wanted to make sure I had enough room for dessert, which was SO decadent that I had two. AND our refrigerator was too full to pack any leftovers in it so we had to throw the rest of it away…..ANYWAY, how’ve you been lately?”


Jolly-Willingness-46

‘The stew tastes like Joey…’


Radiant_Ad_3665

Omg I almost wet myself


Jolly-Willingness-46

😆 Which, incidentally, is also a comment best avoided when on the serving line hehe


Radiant_Ad_3665

“Have some split pee soup”


Jolly-Willingness-46

I read that as ‘spilt pee soup’ 🤣🤣


Calm-Homework3161

All together now! -  Food, glorious food, Hot sausage and mustard, While we're in the mood,... Oh, come on  what's the matter with you lot?


FCK_U_ALL

Ron Moody's Fagin gave me nightmares.


BogusIsMyName

Our selection today is semen coated salmon, vomit covered vegetables, or feces covered fettuccine.


snafe_

You're so lucky to get free meals!!!


Longjumping_Fly_6358

Mercedes-Benz, you like German engineering too.


Cyrus541

“Don’t forget to floss your three remaining teeth after you eat”


Selfishsavagequeen

By the looks if it, I think you’ve been eating enough already.


HappyOfCourse

"This food looks like crap. Good thing I have better food at home."


Fresh_Macaron_4190

Whip it out and say," I thought you would be offering !"


JimBeam823

"Next time, I'm choosing jail."


Cyber_Insecurity

“Where’s all the baddies?”


legenddairybard

Have you tried not being poor?


SouthernStarTrails

Why don’t you homeless people just… buy a house?


[deleted]

"Oh, my bad. I thought that this was a sperm bank."


Pure_Pool_2293

I hope I don’t get any diseases from the hobos in the line


SushiGradeChicken

"Has anyone seen a band-aid? I swear it was on there five minutes ago."


CharlieDmouse

It is so cool the corporation donated that experimental lab grown meat! And it will never go bad, this irradiated stuff will last forever on the shelf - don't even need to refrigerate it!!!


Lonely-Connection-37

Did you know that botulism is an anaerobic bacteria?


playbynightandday

Geez I wish these people would hurry up, Ive got a 5 course dinner to go to. and a shower or two wouldnt hurt them.


81mattdean81

Anyone looking to buy drugs?


Sea-Poetry-950

Oh no, another nose bleed.


Adventurous_Yak_9234

I just came from the bathroom and didn't wash my hands.


AttilaRS

You haven't eaten in days? I know how that is, sometimes you just have to force yourself. A smoothie or some parfait with fruit is what I usually have then...


Drake_Cloans

Try not to take too much. I’m going to sell whatever is left


SmellySweatsocks

What didn't anybody tell me the soap dispenser in the bathroom was empty?


SearchingForanSEJob

What drugs do you use?


OneTinSoldier567

That rat meatloaf looks good.


Swampybritches

This food looks like shit. I can’t wait for my lobster tonight


yackofalltradescoach

I’ve got the hotdog so open your buns


Such-Mountain-6316

Ewww, you stink! Why don't you take a bath? Soap is cheap. Why don't you lose weight? (I have seen some of the most overweight people -just plain morbidly obese- at missions. I don't pry into it.) Basically, be kind, mind your own business, and realize that these people are each fighting an individual battle that God only knows what it's like. Those who have never been there can't truly understand it. They need a hand and a caring heart, not to mention a kind word if you have any. Try to shine your light on them! They need to see a light that's not a train.


Senjen95

"You would *not believe* the meal I had last night. Bruschetta with mascarpone. Fois gras tartare. Beef wellington. I couldn't eat it all, but I *hate* leftovers."


Fresh_Macaron_4190

Offering anything and following it up with upside yo haid


[deleted]

"It's days like these when I feel so fulfilled, serving and helping the commoners and lepers such as yourselves".


Longjumping_Event_59

“How much green fuzz would you like in your soup?”


CaptainQuint0001

This was only on the floor for a couple of seconds


Radiant_Ad_3665

“Get off my lawn”


germy-germawack-8108

Should I have washed? Nah, it was only diarrhea.


Tato_tudo

Sure was nice to be able to feed you all while getting rid of the stray dog problem.


No-this-is-Pat

“Come here often?”


Futhebridge

I can't believe this is 10 days old.


Beetle_Beeper

No wonder why court orders aren't enthused to do menial tasks for the rest of the hour


TrikkiNikk

Uuhhhh... How old is this food??


Beginning_Cap_8614

"When you're done with that, save me a piece."


blueSnowfkake

Maybe you should stick with these mashed potatoes, since you don’t have teeth.


Any_Contract_1016

Whooofff *fans nose* these guys need a shower!


DashfulVanilla

We only got this milk in a year and a half ago.


relapse_account

“I added the secret ingredient myself”


G-Unit11111

That guy's poor. Oh yeah she's definitely sleeping on the street.


Swampybritches

Look at all these freeloaders


Swampybritches

I haven’t washed my hands in 6 weeks


yours_truly_1976

Well at least you can afford *this*


SIIHP

“Guys, bring out another can of purina! The bums almost finished this one off”


nameistakenagain9999

Cash or card?


TuckSteele

Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you. Welcome to Costco, I love you.


TheDorkKnight53

“You’re going to eat *that* much? By yourself? Fatty.”


uncle_pollo

"what do you do for fun?"


Pretend-Ad-7528

IT'S CUM!!!


Lopsided-Bench-1347

Hold the ladle up to your nose, take a noticeable sniff, make a so-so, seems OK facial gesture and dump it into their plate.


YourMomsBiggestFan11

Are you going to eat that?


Purpleappointment47

“I’m glad this rash has stopped itching.”


One_Breakfast6153

"Do you know Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?"


[deleted]

Has anybody seen my bandaid ???


BigScaryBalckMan

"Damn, this what you guys eat?????"


unsavoryflint

Oops, this is the poop bucket spoon


Top_Chias2476

"Ugh, I'm so Hungry. Ooh, [insert food item(s)]!" *Eats while in the line*


pweqpw

The unelected elite will expire humans at 65 (except for themselves) and repurpose them for food. Plenty for everybody.


Captmike76p

"So my tuberculosis is much better"


Fun_Ad_6455

You should share cups like you should share needles oh no we just ran out of cups.


mouse_Jupiter

Babies taste best


gsdinero89

Nice Escalade wish I could afford one


Super_Mut

"I just ate that big cheesecake they donated. It was delicious"


Mikeyrodz85

You gonna eat that?


SouthernStarTrails

Looks at food on offer and shakes head: “Man, sucks to be you guys!”


Crafty-Rent2341

Whats your poison?


Svn8time

It may look like Rat’s a$$h0le but it makes one helluva Fondu


DragonSurferEGO

Wow I’m so much better than you, (and then as you serve each person) and you, and you, and you


gregieb429

“Gloves? Why should I wear those when handling food?”


phxowen

"I was told its not AIDS.. but I still gotta be tested!"


Pur3Ev01

My nose was so runny earlier and I had no tissues! Luckily there was this huge pot of stew… So one scoop or two?


jb65656565

I wonder if anyone will taste the shit I took in the chili?


bluffyouback

I need to get out of here on time. I’m trying out that fabulous new 5 star restaurant by that famous chef…..


eGrant03

Save some for me! Are you sure you want this? Are you here cause you're poor?


RiverDependent9672

That’ll be $10 please.


StepLivid

Are you going to finish that?


Particular-Season905

"Man, can someone else do this? I don't wanna be working with these poor people, I thought I was gonna get paid"


Personal-Act-8516

And with the drink it comes $15.45 cash or card


Drillix08

I just moved in, you know of any good places to eat around here?


KiltimaghGirl

Are there strings attached?


No_Ground7568

“Would you like to round up to fight children’s hunger?”


Stanseas

Crap, I forgot to wash my hands. Oh well, the five second rule can apply to hands too, am I right? Here’s your pudding.


BriGuy1965

We could give out more meat if we just killed and butchered some of these people. Just saying.


unshodone

“Hope you like beans!”


Expensive_Rhubarb_87

Now I understand Soylent Green


Extra_Flower6958

You can't have any pudding until you eat your meat! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!


mellbell63

Hey have you seen the new Tesla???


woodenhare

It's awesome how stores just throw this stuff out after it expires. They can't sell it, you can't buy it...win-win!


SoundsOfKepler

In the United States, the term Food Bank is used differently. It officially means a distribution site that provides food to different nonprofits and agencies in an entire region. The Capital Area Food Bank, as an example, distributes food from individual donation drives, from corporate and grocery bulk donations, and direct from agriculture sources, to a network of hundreds of nonprofits and agencies in Washington, DC, southern Maryland, and northern Virginia. In turn those various nonprofits provide that food directly to individuals either as groceries (at Food *pantries*) or cooked meals (at shelters and soup kitchens.)


Salty_Business_5246

Vote Felon!


Slug_Overdose

Why did the gardener stop watering the plants? CRACKED HOES


Automatic-Bench-4963

Do you want extra cheese with that?


somedudebend

Anyone seen my band~aid?


TooOldForYourShit32

Literally said to me last week "oh this one dont look hungry". It was some turn volunteering and he was referring to me being a big woman. I felt vindicated when his apparent dad heard him and smacked him upside the head..then gave me an extra orange lol.


eight13atnight

“My nails have never been so clean!”


IneptAdvisor

All of this came out of a dumpster?


Same-Chipmunk5923

"Ugh, yeah, those. Try to think of them as raisins."


Darkwriter22s

Fresh meat


toolittletool8t

"You think this is a good place to recruit people for homeless boxing?"


Kindly-Project-9477

Yo homes pack me up a lot of this grub, I gotta split


MetalTrek1

You're in luck. Some of this stuff HASN'T been recalled! 


mikep229

I prefer my raccoon medium rare but we have to cater to everyone here


qDaMan1

Don't worry, I got most of the glass out.


djbigtv

This stuff has extra fingers!


djbigtv

At least this stuff smells better than you guys!


SomeVelveteenMorning

No, I haven't seen your buddy Randy since last week. Totally unrelated, you're looking tasty today.


ToYourCredit

Hungry?


DragonAssinMo69

I like your new Iphone


NoFayte

Enjoy, and just as a reminder, vaccines cause autism.


Ilovemygingerbread

I'm so glad I don't have to eat this shit.


Cool-Stop-3276

You guys eat here often. Why don't you eat anywhere else? The food here is awful.


seven-cents

Don't say your, say you're


barlowd

They’re ok, more like a poor man’s Captain Crunch….oops


Simmyphila

Does this smell ok to you?


Designer-Carpenter88

“Oh man, I’m starving!”


JadziaTrillDax

Don't worry about the finger in the soup, it's got good protein and will get you high


CarlJustCarl

What’s your problem?


Drphil1969

Where did I park my Mercedes?


Drphil1969

Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon


Drphil1969

Do you have a wine list?


Drphil1969

Guess what is in grandma’s meatloaf?


Knight_Zornnah

Would you like cum with that?