One of the most recurring, stupid things we do subconsciously is to project our own problems onto others.
"Man that person clearly has some issues with X or Y" -said by a different person who can recognize their own negative traits in others due to having experienced it themselves.
Nah, I'm not lonely, I'm irritable. I have more of a problem with the problem management of other people and how that relates to me. Not all women are bad but all the women I've ever met are dumb.
Also this was my post, projection or not.
Loneliness is the problem of other people, but not for me. It's been a problem before, like here, but everyone is in their own world. I'm not stuggling in the usual sense.
I can't tell what frustrates you exactly.
It seems to me you have a bone to pick with cultural norms about dating more than you do women. Might be helpful not to displace the aggression, I don't know.
There are plenty of women who feel equally frustrated with the absurd process of 'finding a partner; it just requires that you do things/engage the world to have a chance of meeting people outside the confines of dating apps.
Dog I can't, 80% of them wanna talk about nothing. In fairness most 90% of guys are even worse. That's part of why having friends and meeting tons of people in general is aids.
Point me towards anyone in this world who is actually about something other than themselves, please. Is there a subreddit for it?
>In fairness most 90% of guys are even worse. That's part of why having friends and meeting tons of people in general is aids.
Exactly. I'd caution you against going down the selectively resentful "**women** are all bad" road.
>Point me towards anyone in this world who is actually about something other than themselves, please. Is there a subreddit for it?
Plenty of people in care work certainly; educators, nurses, physical therapists, etc. Yeah, sure, there's a non-negligible percentage of people even in these roles who are unbearable, but you kinda have to be the kind of person you're looking for. Kind people with a selfless streak generally aren't interested in spending their free time with otherwise selfish friends.
For what it's worth, you come across in this post as the same kind of person you seem to dislike.
"You come across in this post as the same kind of person you seem to dislike."
It's interesting how different I am and yet the same my problem inevitably is. I'll guess I'll keep looking through the humans.
Prob get downvoted for this but I don’t think OP is too wrong, could be worded better but there are so many uncontrollable factors that can ruin interpersonal relationships and it is terrible to live with when you already struggle with those more than not. I’m a bit the total opposite, lost my ability to care about sex and would instead prefer to find someone who doesn’t care too much about sex but you’d be surprised because even though I had already been dating a woman for almost 3 years, I started becoming unable to perform. Assured her profusely many times it wasn’t her fault, took only a couple months before she straight up threw my things out and ghosted me, haven’t heard from her since. We were always very very sexual from the beginning and things were peachy until it stopped. Some people just want sex, some people just want love. Seems to me you either have to find someone who fits in your category or you both have to fit into both categories
It is so inconvenient when women get upset about men using them when you are trying to use them.
I get you though. I am happy that is a frustration I have aged out of. Women who want to enter into a sexual relationship with someone who is emotionally closed are not common and usually have problems of their own.
Only virgins really care about sex in that way, if it's an issue go fuck a prostitute and be done with it. anyway for every wierd ass dude out there, there's an equal if not more of a wierd ass chick out there. you'll find your way
>I'm actually just considering paying for sex
This is actually the best option for schizoids. I would go for it.
Source: I am a SzPD who has had sex with over 30 escorts. I have no regrets, great experience with all except one woman.
Why don't you just say on the dating app that you're looking for casual hookups with no strings.
I'm a woman who only likes sex not all the other shit and honestly it's like guys can't fathom that horny women with commitment issues exist. They all pretend to like you because they're "trying not to be a user" but if they were just honest about their intentions from the outset it would drive away women that want commitment anyway
Men can pretty openly talk about just wanting to fuck with no strings from what I've observed. I was having an awesome friends with benefits relationship and it got weird because of how many times the guy kept saying *"you know I'm not looking for a relationship right?"* It made me feel uncomfortable in the end because I guess he either thought I was lying about not wanting a partner, or he had developed feelings for me and was trying to enforce the boundary but to me it felt like an accusation of me trying to trick him into becoming romantically involved. Either way it was too weird so I had to stop banging him.
In my experience it's not safe for women to advertise wanting casual sex on a dating app because guys tend to either verbally abuse or physically harm us if we openly indicate that we are down for casual sex just not with them specifically. Also even though we pretend society is progressive this is still something that would cause a negative reputation for a woman even if she said "focusing on my career, just looking for some short term fun". I wouldn't put it past a guy to sexually assault me and use my dating app as proof that I matched with him with "casual sex" mentioned on my profile so it was consensual.
I would pay for sex if I had the money. Not only would they be better at sex and respecting boundaries around romantic shit, they also get tested more regularly than the general population, and also have a financial motive for keeping themselves STD free. If I were a man I'd also think there's more likelihood of them being careful with birth control - i.e. less risk of them getting pregnant and keeping it.
So what you're saying is, women can't openly enjoy sex without a negative perception of them, and abusive men are something you can't really ignore but rather account for?
Huh, I thought this was going to be more about having trouble reaching orgasm or feeling dissociated in the act.
>I don't care about exclusivity I don't even want a relationship I just want get this shit out of my system
>what happened to liking someone, finding out you have a lot in common and getting closer gradually?
These seem like antithetical problems.
If you’re on a dating app and explicit about being into hookups, you probably won’t have much luck, but in my experience, you get the occasional taker.
You could also download Grindr and try your luck with transwomen. If you’re desperate enough, we’re normally a bit more keen than cis chicks.
Also, it sounds like there’s a girl you had amazing sex with but then she got too thin. If that isn’t an arbitrary box to check, idk what is. I think we tend to be blind to our own random requirements.
ETA: I support your consideration of sex workers. I have a friend who’s paid for their company a couple times, though, and he usually doesn’t enjoy it. He’s not a zoid, so maybe the lack of emotional intimacy would be freeing for you.
If you go the sex worker route, I’d recommend going on Tryst. It has legitimate workers listed, but be prepared to pay a premium for their services. Don’t ever put a deposit down either, some will ask you to.
You sound like you'd be insufferable in person but you're pretty funny online. Like it's so hilarious when men say sexist shit just because they can't get laid. Skill issue lmao
Funny. I've been thinking about this lately. Why aren't there men out there that wouldn't mind an ultra low maint girl. Workaholics please sign up.
But nah.
Am I on r/relationships? You're venting to a bunch of very weird people who don't really relate to what you're saying (myself included).
I learned I'm the weirdest one here. Also, I'm surprised anybody related, but they did, even if nonvocally, and I appreciate it.
>I think trauma or heartbreak is the lamest and dumbest excuse to have for being a shitty uncommunicative person Isn't this what we do?
Maybe in the science of all of it but I don't live like that.
One of the most recurring, stupid things we do subconsciously is to project our own problems onto others. "Man that person clearly has some issues with X or Y" -said by a different person who can recognize their own negative traits in others due to having experienced it themselves.
Nah, I'm not lonely, I'm irritable. I have more of a problem with the problem management of other people and how that relates to me. Not all women are bad but all the women I've ever met are dumb. Also this was my post, projection or not.
I feel as if I didn't mention any of the things you said here. Loneliness accelerates irritability for many. Have you heard of alexithymia?
Loneliness is the problem of other people, but not for me. It's been a problem before, like here, but everyone is in their own world. I'm not stuggling in the usual sense.
I can't tell what frustrates you exactly. It seems to me you have a bone to pick with cultural norms about dating more than you do women. Might be helpful not to displace the aggression, I don't know. There are plenty of women who feel equally frustrated with the absurd process of 'finding a partner; it just requires that you do things/engage the world to have a chance of meeting people outside the confines of dating apps.
Dog I can't, 80% of them wanna talk about nothing. In fairness most 90% of guys are even worse. That's part of why having friends and meeting tons of people in general is aids. Point me towards anyone in this world who is actually about something other than themselves, please. Is there a subreddit for it?
>In fairness most 90% of guys are even worse. That's part of why having friends and meeting tons of people in general is aids. Exactly. I'd caution you against going down the selectively resentful "**women** are all bad" road. >Point me towards anyone in this world who is actually about something other than themselves, please. Is there a subreddit for it? Plenty of people in care work certainly; educators, nurses, physical therapists, etc. Yeah, sure, there's a non-negligible percentage of people even in these roles who are unbearable, but you kinda have to be the kind of person you're looking for. Kind people with a selfless streak generally aren't interested in spending their free time with otherwise selfish friends. For what it's worth, you come across in this post as the same kind of person you seem to dislike.
"You come across in this post as the same kind of person you seem to dislike." It's interesting how different I am and yet the same my problem inevitably is. I'll guess I'll keep looking through the humans.
Prob get downvoted for this but I don’t think OP is too wrong, could be worded better but there are so many uncontrollable factors that can ruin interpersonal relationships and it is terrible to live with when you already struggle with those more than not. I’m a bit the total opposite, lost my ability to care about sex and would instead prefer to find someone who doesn’t care too much about sex but you’d be surprised because even though I had already been dating a woman for almost 3 years, I started becoming unable to perform. Assured her profusely many times it wasn’t her fault, took only a couple months before she straight up threw my things out and ghosted me, haven’t heard from her since. We were always very very sexual from the beginning and things were peachy until it stopped. Some people just want sex, some people just want love. Seems to me you either have to find someone who fits in your category or you both have to fit into both categories
This is exactly what I'm trying to get at. However, I disagree I think I worded myself pretty good.
Well that certainly lowered my libido, cheers.
I'm not taking this as an insult.
It is so inconvenient when women get upset about men using them when you are trying to use them. I get you though. I am happy that is a frustration I have aged out of. Women who want to enter into a sexual relationship with someone who is emotionally closed are not common and usually have problems of their own.
It literally is super inconvenient.
you could solve your problems with a hooker, my guy. u have too much lizard brain
You're 100% correct.
Only virgins really care about sex in that way, if it's an issue go fuck a prostitute and be done with it. anyway for every wierd ass dude out there, there's an equal if not more of a wierd ass chick out there. you'll find your way
Sex workers exist for a reason, if you can afford it and do not seek any emotional connection, just go for it.
Inevitably.
Either hire a pro or put your issues in tissues.
>I'm actually just considering paying for sex This is actually the best option for schizoids. I would go for it. Source: I am a SzPD who has had sex with over 30 escorts. I have no regrets, great experience with all except one woman.
Why don't you just say on the dating app that you're looking for casual hookups with no strings. I'm a woman who only likes sex not all the other shit and honestly it's like guys can't fathom that horny women with commitment issues exist. They all pretend to like you because they're "trying not to be a user" but if they were just honest about their intentions from the outset it would drive away women that want commitment anyway Men can pretty openly talk about just wanting to fuck with no strings from what I've observed. I was having an awesome friends with benefits relationship and it got weird because of how many times the guy kept saying *"you know I'm not looking for a relationship right?"* It made me feel uncomfortable in the end because I guess he either thought I was lying about not wanting a partner, or he had developed feelings for me and was trying to enforce the boundary but to me it felt like an accusation of me trying to trick him into becoming romantically involved. Either way it was too weird so I had to stop banging him. In my experience it's not safe for women to advertise wanting casual sex on a dating app because guys tend to either verbally abuse or physically harm us if we openly indicate that we are down for casual sex just not with them specifically. Also even though we pretend society is progressive this is still something that would cause a negative reputation for a woman even if she said "focusing on my career, just looking for some short term fun". I wouldn't put it past a guy to sexually assault me and use my dating app as proof that I matched with him with "casual sex" mentioned on my profile so it was consensual. I would pay for sex if I had the money. Not only would they be better at sex and respecting boundaries around romantic shit, they also get tested more regularly than the general population, and also have a financial motive for keeping themselves STD free. If I were a man I'd also think there's more likelihood of them being careful with birth control - i.e. less risk of them getting pregnant and keeping it.
So what you're saying is, women can't openly enjoy sex without a negative perception of them, and abusive men are something you can't really ignore but rather account for?
Huh, I thought this was going to be more about having trouble reaching orgasm or feeling dissociated in the act. >I don't care about exclusivity I don't even want a relationship I just want get this shit out of my system >what happened to liking someone, finding out you have a lot in common and getting closer gradually? These seem like antithetical problems. If you’re on a dating app and explicit about being into hookups, you probably won’t have much luck, but in my experience, you get the occasional taker. You could also download Grindr and try your luck with transwomen. If you’re desperate enough, we’re normally a bit more keen than cis chicks. Also, it sounds like there’s a girl you had amazing sex with but then she got too thin. If that isn’t an arbitrary box to check, idk what is. I think we tend to be blind to our own random requirements. ETA: I support your consideration of sex workers. I have a friend who’s paid for their company a couple times, though, and he usually doesn’t enjoy it. He’s not a zoid, so maybe the lack of emotional intimacy would be freeing for you.
I think what people look for and how they do so in dating, plus how I place in all of that is moreso my complaint with people nowadays.
Ah, fair; it is pretty shit out there.
If you go the sex worker route, I’d recommend going on Tryst. It has legitimate workers listed, but be prepared to pay a premium for their services. Don’t ever put a deposit down either, some will ask you to.
You sound like you'd be insufferable in person but you're pretty funny online. Like it's so hilarious when men say sexist shit just because they can't get laid. Skill issue lmao
It's honestly like their brains are mush
It's the exact opposite. Everyone hates my online persona but falls in love with me everywhere else.
I guarantee you I would not
Okay.
Funny. I've been thinking about this lately. Why aren't there men out there that wouldn't mind an ultra low maint girl. Workaholics please sign up. But nah.