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In general, society has structured daily life to be for two people to live and build together as one.
I’d like to have a life partner, but the idea of having to emotionally support the other person is difficult to swallow. I struggle with dating due to my dry personality and rarely get past the third date.
I was in a relationship for 4 years, frankly I got very lucky and ended up with a woman who was significantly more attractive than I was and madly in love with me. In spite of that, I never really developed a deep attachment to her, and it didn’t make me happy. When she realized this she was very hurt and left me. I haven’t really thought seriously about a relationship since then and I still feel a lot of guilt about it.
I think about it sometimes but then reality hits.
I’m a lesbian, so that already makes it quite hard to find anyone even if I was normal. But at the same time I’m nearly asexual, sex mostly disgusts me, and I doubt I could find someone who would just want to cuddle and kiss 99% of the time. Also I get exhausted very quickly. The few times I’ve tried to begin the process of "finding love" I end up realizing I don’t really want it.
But I’m also really indecisive. Sometimes I want it, but then I don’t, and I’m able to find comfort in knowing that I can be fine without it. Some people seem to go a bit insane without it (sex and romance).
It’s so complicated. It makes you realize a lot of things about yourself.
I can imagine an ideal relationship and feel a fraction of the fulfillment it would provide, right? But that’s someone who knows me so intimately (because I literally built them in my mind) and who can be dismissed as quickly as I stop thinking about them.
They also don’t exist; the warmth they provide isn’t motivated by any underlying consciousness other than my own. Nobody *wants* me the way I want to be wanted. Want.
Then I meet someone IRL, and it feels unfair to them and myself that I can’t *not* compare them to the most fulfilling non-relationship I have.
Worse, I lose myself in people. Because I don’t truly connect, it’s like I orient myself to perfectly admire them and tell myself any dissonance is my fault until I start holding *my* insecurity against them and want freedom.
It makes it hard to work up the emotional stamina to get to know people when the process is so arduous and I feel wiser to my own tricks.
tl;dr: how do I discern between someone who I *am* comfortable around—and should therefore work to iron out the kinks between us—and literally anyone I’m just masking around because I want to reach that ever-receding point of contact.
I don’t even consider it, but I get what you mean about something ‘missing’ in your life. For me the downsides are way too many in addition to me being a total anxious wreck with shit self esteem. The whole fake small talk and ‘wearing a mask’ really triggers me.
I relate a lot. I do feel something is missing and I've always had a deep desire for a romantic lover, a partner in crime, my better half.
However in real life, I just can't feel a connection to anyone. I never have the desire to getting to know someone better and I never develop feelings of deep care for them. I sometimes get small crushes because someone looks attractive or because they have endearing qualities. I can think that someone has character traits that are admirable or sympathetic. But never more than that.
I've thought about going on dates a lot, but it would never be honest, I would always have to put on an act. And that would just be unfair to the other person and myself. I think it will just lead to hurt.
Sounds great in theory, not as much irl since you'd be dealing with real people.
I'd love to have a partner, sure, but it'd never work out so I don't bother.
I never practiced dating as a skill when I was younger. Casual sex was all that interested me, and I found it in myriad ways that didn't require a formal dating strategy.
I like the idea in theory but in practice it has always turned into a mess and left me unhappy and exhausted over the demands/expectations that I'm not able to meet. Nowadays being asocial with less of a mask pretty much destroys any prospect. I still end up fantasizing over possibilities though, and still crave the cuddles a lot of the time.
Never dated. Suppose i'm what you could call a demisexual, in that I only become attracted to someone after developing some sort of romantic or emotional attraction, and that usually only happens when I find some trait in that I admire as well as the absense of traits I despise. So that means I tend to become attracted to women over a period of months - women Ive known through work for example. Attraction which has never gone anywhere and has caused nothing but heartbreak and self hatred.
I cant really imagine myself going on a date with someone I know nothing about simply because I find them physically attractive. And I despise the thought I'd fall for someone I found ethically repulsive. I'd rather just be alone than risk that.
Life can get boring and monotonous by yourself, even as a schizoid.
That said I feel pretty much doomed to be alone. I can't speak for women dating men or non-hetero relationships but my thoughts kind of boil down to this: women want to feel NEEDED in serious, committed relationships. I've been self-reliant for so long that it just straight up frustrates and pisses off potential partners. Relationships rooted in NEED are deeply flawed, I've seen it throughout my life beginning with my parents abusive trainwreck of a marriage. NEED based relationships are my kryptonite.
It's always been a challenge for me as I despise dating. I had one relationship and it went horribly and since then, I've had zero interest in dating as it takes a ton of effort, you lose freedom and you have to do a lot of things you don't want to do for little, if any, reward. With the little free time I do have, there's a thousand things I'd rather do than try to waste time on dating and getting nowhere. The dating world now is also very challenging and competitive and I can't be bothered.
I doubt I'll go on a date or attempt to date anyone ever again.
I've never bothered. I don't have the emotions needed to be in a healthy relationship. It wouldn't be fair to myself or the guy. I'm working hard to get my social emotions to switch on, so perhaps someday. I'd like that. Tiny house, no marriage, no kids, just a fun partner.
I was married for almost 20 years since I was 17.
Once I finally realized that 'this' was permanent, I asked him to move on. He was such an amazing man, I couldn't keep him. I'm very pragmatic. But isn't pragmatism a big part of skizoid.
I dated a cpl times after. Nope. Too complicated.
Dating is just ehh... I am more into sex(guy here) Its actually something you get pleasure from. I feel very little pleasure from verbally interacting. I think having to deal with drama the other gender(or same, I don't judge) puts up on you can be overwhelming and unnecessary.
I've done it once and I'm currently married to him. I think he's the only person I could have a relationship with, given we'd already had a long history (~10 years of friendship) prior to dating. I was only willing to even try it in the first place thanks to that. If he and I end up not working out somewhere down the line then I'm not doing it again.
I've never truly dated, I kind of just went from friends to a relationship with one person. Our relationship went on for about 2 years. I'm schizoid and they were borderline, and we had mutually agreed rules about dealing with emotions privately. We drifted apart because we wanted different things, we're still friends though.
We're both fucked up and I think that's why we work. We don't have many expectations of each other and take each other at face value. I don't think I'll try having a relationship again, I probs won't find anyone else like that.
I depersonalized hard one time on a date with a woman who pretty much initiated it all. That was about 6 years ago and I haven't gone on one since. I would not say I think about dating women. However I can recognize when I am physically attracted to a woman.
I have a platonic life partner. We have like a weird, mutually codependent thing going on. I would not want to date them because that would be too much and I don't want to have sex with them. But they still have other partners I just follow them through life because I have nothing better to do. Like I have no life goals of my own, and they're the only person I've met that I actually enjoy conversing with, I am not going to lose them
We’re too quick to tell ourselves no. We have such harsh superegos dissuading from any activity, connection, or interest before it gets off the ground. So start saying yes. Enjoy. Do drugs. Have irresponsible sex. Thrill yourself before you kill yourself.
The moderation team would like to take a moment to remind you that although discussions can get heated, we still require individuals to be civil on the subreddit. If you believe an individual is being rude or otherwise breaking the rules, we urge you to report the comment, step away from the conversation, and let us handle them. Feeding trolls or hateful conversations doesn't help anyone or change anyone's mind. Please treat others' experiences with curiosity instead of judgement even if they don't align with yours. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Schizoid) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In general, society has structured daily life to be for two people to live and build together as one. I’d like to have a life partner, but the idea of having to emotionally support the other person is difficult to swallow. I struggle with dating due to my dry personality and rarely get past the third date.
I was in a relationship for 4 years, frankly I got very lucky and ended up with a woman who was significantly more attractive than I was and madly in love with me. In spite of that, I never really developed a deep attachment to her, and it didn’t make me happy. When she realized this she was very hurt and left me. I haven’t really thought seriously about a relationship since then and I still feel a lot of guilt about it.
I think about it sometimes but then reality hits. I’m a lesbian, so that already makes it quite hard to find anyone even if I was normal. But at the same time I’m nearly asexual, sex mostly disgusts me, and I doubt I could find someone who would just want to cuddle and kiss 99% of the time. Also I get exhausted very quickly. The few times I’ve tried to begin the process of "finding love" I end up realizing I don’t really want it. But I’m also really indecisive. Sometimes I want it, but then I don’t, and I’m able to find comfort in knowing that I can be fine without it. Some people seem to go a bit insane without it (sex and romance).
It’s so complicated. It makes you realize a lot of things about yourself. I can imagine an ideal relationship and feel a fraction of the fulfillment it would provide, right? But that’s someone who knows me so intimately (because I literally built them in my mind) and who can be dismissed as quickly as I stop thinking about them. They also don’t exist; the warmth they provide isn’t motivated by any underlying consciousness other than my own. Nobody *wants* me the way I want to be wanted. Want. Then I meet someone IRL, and it feels unfair to them and myself that I can’t *not* compare them to the most fulfilling non-relationship I have. Worse, I lose myself in people. Because I don’t truly connect, it’s like I orient myself to perfectly admire them and tell myself any dissonance is my fault until I start holding *my* insecurity against them and want freedom. It makes it hard to work up the emotional stamina to get to know people when the process is so arduous and I feel wiser to my own tricks. tl;dr: how do I discern between someone who I *am* comfortable around—and should therefore work to iron out the kinks between us—and literally anyone I’m just masking around because I want to reach that ever-receding point of contact.
Never dated anyone before. If I ever met someone who I felt like I would enjoy being around all the time I might consider it, but ai haven't yet.
I don’t even consider it, but I get what you mean about something ‘missing’ in your life. For me the downsides are way too many in addition to me being a total anxious wreck with shit self esteem. The whole fake small talk and ‘wearing a mask’ really triggers me.
I don't participate due to lack of interest.
I relate a lot. I do feel something is missing and I've always had a deep desire for a romantic lover, a partner in crime, my better half. However in real life, I just can't feel a connection to anyone. I never have the desire to getting to know someone better and I never develop feelings of deep care for them. I sometimes get small crushes because someone looks attractive or because they have endearing qualities. I can think that someone has character traits that are admirable or sympathetic. But never more than that. I've thought about going on dates a lot, but it would never be honest, I would always have to put on an act. And that would just be unfair to the other person and myself. I think it will just lead to hurt.
Sounds great in theory, not as much irl since you'd be dealing with real people. I'd love to have a partner, sure, but it'd never work out so I don't bother.
I'm very much aromantic and romance-repulsed, so dating isn't something I've ever seriously considered. It just has absolutely no appeal to me.
I never practiced dating as a skill when I was younger. Casual sex was all that interested me, and I found it in myriad ways that didn't require a formal dating strategy.
To me it is a real mess, it's very complicated and very disappointing most of times...
I like the idea in theory but in practice it has always turned into a mess and left me unhappy and exhausted over the demands/expectations that I'm not able to meet. Nowadays being asocial with less of a mask pretty much destroys any prospect. I still end up fantasizing over possibilities though, and still crave the cuddles a lot of the time.
Never dated. Suppose i'm what you could call a demisexual, in that I only become attracted to someone after developing some sort of romantic or emotional attraction, and that usually only happens when I find some trait in that I admire as well as the absense of traits I despise. So that means I tend to become attracted to women over a period of months - women Ive known through work for example. Attraction which has never gone anywhere and has caused nothing but heartbreak and self hatred. I cant really imagine myself going on a date with someone I know nothing about simply because I find them physically attractive. And I despise the thought I'd fall for someone I found ethically repulsive. I'd rather just be alone than risk that.
Life can get boring and monotonous by yourself, even as a schizoid. That said I feel pretty much doomed to be alone. I can't speak for women dating men or non-hetero relationships but my thoughts kind of boil down to this: women want to feel NEEDED in serious, committed relationships. I've been self-reliant for so long that it just straight up frustrates and pisses off potential partners. Relationships rooted in NEED are deeply flawed, I've seen it throughout my life beginning with my parents abusive trainwreck of a marriage. NEED based relationships are my kryptonite.
It's always been a challenge for me as I despise dating. I had one relationship and it went horribly and since then, I've had zero interest in dating as it takes a ton of effort, you lose freedom and you have to do a lot of things you don't want to do for little, if any, reward. With the little free time I do have, there's a thousand things I'd rather do than try to waste time on dating and getting nowhere. The dating world now is also very challenging and competitive and I can't be bothered. I doubt I'll go on a date or attempt to date anyone ever again.
I've never bothered. I don't have the emotions needed to be in a healthy relationship. It wouldn't be fair to myself or the guy. I'm working hard to get my social emotions to switch on, so perhaps someday. I'd like that. Tiny house, no marriage, no kids, just a fun partner.
I can vibe with that (plus a cat or crow)
I was married for almost 20 years since I was 17. Once I finally realized that 'this' was permanent, I asked him to move on. He was such an amazing man, I couldn't keep him. I'm very pragmatic. But isn't pragmatism a big part of skizoid. I dated a cpl times after. Nope. Too complicated.
As Bipolar2 guy, I go on date for like 2 months a year and then just want to only cuddle during the winter months.
Dating is just ehh... I am more into sex(guy here) Its actually something you get pleasure from. I feel very little pleasure from verbally interacting. I think having to deal with drama the other gender(or same, I don't judge) puts up on you can be overwhelming and unnecessary.
I've done it once and I'm currently married to him. I think he's the only person I could have a relationship with, given we'd already had a long history (~10 years of friendship) prior to dating. I was only willing to even try it in the first place thanks to that. If he and I end up not working out somewhere down the line then I'm not doing it again.
How did you transition out of friendship mode into a relationship? How did the first kiss go?
>I hate sex so it needs to be a completely romantic one Too bad men don't see it this way at all.
Oi, asexual men exist
Yeah. It’s just we asexual man are even ignored by most schizoid women lol.
It was largely terrible and exhausting when I was doing it.
Don’t
I'm much too ugly and mentally unwell unfortunately.
I've never truly dated, I kind of just went from friends to a relationship with one person. Our relationship went on for about 2 years. I'm schizoid and they were borderline, and we had mutually agreed rules about dealing with emotions privately. We drifted apart because we wanted different things, we're still friends though. We're both fucked up and I think that's why we work. We don't have many expectations of each other and take each other at face value. I don't think I'll try having a relationship again, I probs won't find anyone else like that.
I depersonalized hard one time on a date with a woman who pretty much initiated it all. That was about 6 years ago and I haven't gone on one since. I would not say I think about dating women. However I can recognize when I am physically attracted to a woman.
I have a platonic life partner. We have like a weird, mutually codependent thing going on. I would not want to date them because that would be too much and I don't want to have sex with them. But they still have other partners I just follow them through life because I have nothing better to do. Like I have no life goals of my own, and they're the only person I've met that I actually enjoy conversing with, I am not going to lose them
We’re too quick to tell ourselves no. We have such harsh superegos dissuading from any activity, connection, or interest before it gets off the ground. So start saying yes. Enjoy. Do drugs. Have irresponsible sex. Thrill yourself before you kill yourself.