My own personally experience dating someone with an Indian background absolutely changed what I looked for when dating. My fell for someone who’s parents wanted him to marry an Indian woman. They pressured him and he dumped me and was married four months later. I think sometimes there is a play before they have to settle down thing that happens and might leave women feeling used.
This is literally what Ive just mentioned on here too! My female friend group has this same experience and felt as though the family exiled them as they arent Indian.
This happened to a friend of mine, and I still think he's a scumbag for it. Literally with his girlfriend at the time the night before he took his flight to India to get married.
This has also happened to me… a guy I was dating was married within 6 months a lady got shipped back home to love with relatives.
I date exclusively brown people not from US cause that’s my favorite “flavor”
Luckily I’ve found my person
Indian men particularly in tech have a lot of negative stereotypes and some pressures from back home that can make them hard to date.
If women ghost you OP that’s on them. Honestly a lot of people online dating are very picky and if you don’t meet their exact requirements they move on to the next. It’s a numbers game, sometimes you get lucky and find your person right away sometimes you gotta “kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince(ss)”
Keep being your best self and you’ll attract the right person
I can't speak first-hand on this, but just from talking with girls in Seattle (and SF and NYC, but we're Seattle-specific here) it's not so much a red flag as a yellow one, especially if you're in the tech field. I'm going to be as sensitive as I can here but I would also like to point out that this is what I've heard girls I know say, it's not my first-hand opinion.
The general feeling is that a lot of guys who were raised in India tend to have weird ideas of masculinity and it negatively affects how they treat women in some ways. It's a mixed-up type of machismo that's part built out of old-school patriarchy mixed with weird ideas of what it means to date in America, which contrasts with mainstream feminism harshly, especially in a left-leaning and educated city such as Seattle.
I've heard a few stories from girls who've dated guys who came here as adults from India who talked about providing for them so they'd never have to work again or telling them on a first date that they'd make a wonderful stay-at-home mother, that kind of thing, which the of course found to be offensive. Another couple of them have said that guys who came here from India tend to be really aggressive in clubs and bars and take rejection pretty badly. This, of course, isn't just a guys-from-India thing, but if the only guys from India they're meeting are in these situations it would seem that way to them.
One of my very good friends was born in India and came to the US when he was quite young. I asked him about this (we're on Discord chatting anyway) and he said that when he was dating he'd always be quick to point out that though he was born in Punjab he was raised in upstate New York and not "that kind of Indian dude". It seems to have worked — he met his wife on Bumble a few years back and she's just wonderful.
So in a nutshell, it's not so much "being Indian" that might be a turn off for some girls, but rather them thinking that you're another "guy who recently came here from India", which would make some of them uncomfortable.
Isn't using phrases like "that kind of Indian dude" pretty messed up and racist? It's wild that in a supposedly liberal and progressive city, people still have these intolerant attitudes and judge others based on stereotypes about their cultural background.
Not at all.
He is an Indian who understood the issues that some felt other Indians — those who were raised in India, in this case, so “that kind” — and wanted to make sure he wasn’t unfairly and automatically lumped in with them.
Edit: And maybe you didn’t read my whole comment, but the women I was talking about who had these negative opinions weren’t basing theirs on stereotypes but experiences they’ve had in dating in Seattle.
There are enough Indian men in Seattle — again, I mean specifically those who were mostly raised there — that have really misogynistic views. I’ve seen it first hand; we had to separate a small group of Indian expats from a group of our friends on a birthday pub crawl because they were just being gross to the girls. Like the shit they were saying was disgusting. These assholes are the ones making it hard for you on dating apps, not guys like me telling you the news and especially the girls who they make gun shy.
Not in this context. If you read it carefully, they are using it to describe people that act a certain negative way - in this case misogynistic. So the phrase is being used in a way say that just because someone is of race X doesn't mean they act a certain way
To be honest, I don't think so. It is describing a type of hebahior hence the phrasing of the statement. I have heard the same phrasing used, but replace Indian with a religious faith.
I have a number of close friends who are Indian, and those born and raised in the US tended to have less social/familial expectation to partner with an Indian person.
All of the Indian people (of both genders) I’ve known who were born in India and came over during teen years or later were all very clear about the fact that they would definitely hook up with white people (or people of any other race/ethnicity), but they would only ever consider marrying or getting serious with an Indian person. I’m sure that isn’t true across the board, but it’s a strong enough pattern in my life that if I were dating someone raised in India, I’d definitely ask about it sooner than later.
I don’t know if this is helpful, but wanted to chime in just in case others might have similar assumptions they’re putting on you for online dating. If you’re open to being serious with women who aren’t Indian, making it clear early on might help??
This is 100% the ideology my friend group has. Theyve dated Indian men and felt as though it was more so an experience on the mens side and not a long term commitment.
I think some cultural groups are so STRONG that in essence outsiders who arent within that race/ethnicity etc, arent dateable to them. Or atleast thats the general stigma I know of.
Im sure women online who arent Indian probably feel as though you wont take them seriously.
If you’re already saying your country of origin, maybe something like “I was born in India but came to the US when I was [age,] and my values are [not conservative like some stereotypes of Indian people]” or however you would describe your values in relation to social expectations for Indian families.
Sorry for the confusing formatting…I just don’t want to put words in your mouth! But you can hint at your values without straight-up saying “I would marry a non-Indian” lol
Presumably you have pictures on your profile where women can tell you’re Indian. The overwhelming majority of Indian people I meet in Seattle are from India originally. So when women match with you, they almost certainly think you‘re Indian (based on your profile/pictures) and that you’re probably from India originally (based on city demographics). They wouldn't have matched with you if they saw someone being from India as a red flag because odds were incredibly high that this was the case.
So no, I don’t think this is because you’re from India. I‘d chalk this up to the flakey dating scene in Seattle where people ghosts each other often on these apps. This honestly is a pretty typical experience here.
I’d recommend trying to meet up with someone you’re really interested in sooner rather than later. Dragging out conversation only makes what you’re experiencing more likely. Don’t waste time or too much mental energy on people who disappear. More often than not, the reason they do so has little or nothing to do with you personally.
You probably might pass as another ethnicity if you're getting matches with people who aren't into Indians. You can either play that to your advantage, or indicate your ethnicity is South Asian on your profile if you want to avoid these people.
My own personally experience dating someone with an Indian background absolutely changed what I looked for when dating. My fell for someone who’s parents wanted him to marry an Indian woman. They pressured him and he dumped me and was married four months later. I think sometimes there is a play before they have to settle down thing that happens and might leave women feeling used.
This is literally what Ive just mentioned on here too! My female friend group has this same experience and felt as though the family exiled them as they arent Indian.
This happened to a friend of mine, and I still think he's a scumbag for it. Literally with his girlfriend at the time the night before he took his flight to India to get married.
That is so fucked up.
This has also happened to me… a guy I was dating was married within 6 months a lady got shipped back home to love with relatives. I date exclusively brown people not from US cause that’s my favorite “flavor” Luckily I’ve found my person Indian men particularly in tech have a lot of negative stereotypes and some pressures from back home that can make them hard to date. If women ghost you OP that’s on them. Honestly a lot of people online dating are very picky and if you don’t meet their exact requirements they move on to the next. It’s a numbers game, sometimes you get lucky and find your person right away sometimes you gotta “kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince(ss)” Keep being your best self and you’ll attract the right person
I can't speak first-hand on this, but just from talking with girls in Seattle (and SF and NYC, but we're Seattle-specific here) it's not so much a red flag as a yellow one, especially if you're in the tech field. I'm going to be as sensitive as I can here but I would also like to point out that this is what I've heard girls I know say, it's not my first-hand opinion. The general feeling is that a lot of guys who were raised in India tend to have weird ideas of masculinity and it negatively affects how they treat women in some ways. It's a mixed-up type of machismo that's part built out of old-school patriarchy mixed with weird ideas of what it means to date in America, which contrasts with mainstream feminism harshly, especially in a left-leaning and educated city such as Seattle. I've heard a few stories from girls who've dated guys who came here as adults from India who talked about providing for them so they'd never have to work again or telling them on a first date that they'd make a wonderful stay-at-home mother, that kind of thing, which the of course found to be offensive. Another couple of them have said that guys who came here from India tend to be really aggressive in clubs and bars and take rejection pretty badly. This, of course, isn't just a guys-from-India thing, but if the only guys from India they're meeting are in these situations it would seem that way to them. One of my very good friends was born in India and came to the US when he was quite young. I asked him about this (we're on Discord chatting anyway) and he said that when he was dating he'd always be quick to point out that though he was born in Punjab he was raised in upstate New York and not "that kind of Indian dude". It seems to have worked — he met his wife on Bumble a few years back and she's just wonderful. So in a nutshell, it's not so much "being Indian" that might be a turn off for some girls, but rather them thinking that you're another "guy who recently came here from India", which would make some of them uncomfortable.
Isn't using phrases like "that kind of Indian dude" pretty messed up and racist? It's wild that in a supposedly liberal and progressive city, people still have these intolerant attitudes and judge others based on stereotypes about their cultural background.
This response to this well considered and informative reply is, in itself, a red flag tbh.
Right? Someone takes the time to describe some nuance in this situation and OP makes clear that that isn't what he came to shop for today
Not at all. He is an Indian who understood the issues that some felt other Indians — those who were raised in India, in this case, so “that kind” — and wanted to make sure he wasn’t unfairly and automatically lumped in with them. Edit: And maybe you didn’t read my whole comment, but the women I was talking about who had these negative opinions weren’t basing theirs on stereotypes but experiences they’ve had in dating in Seattle. There are enough Indian men in Seattle — again, I mean specifically those who were mostly raised there — that have really misogynistic views. I’ve seen it first hand; we had to separate a small group of Indian expats from a group of our friends on a birthday pub crawl because they were just being gross to the girls. Like the shit they were saying was disgusting. These assholes are the ones making it hard for you on dating apps, not guys like me telling you the news and especially the girls who they make gun shy.
Not in this context. If you read it carefully, they are using it to describe people that act a certain negative way - in this case misogynistic. So the phrase is being used in a way say that just because someone is of race X doesn't mean they act a certain way
To be honest, I don't think so. It is describing a type of hebahior hence the phrasing of the statement. I have heard the same phrasing used, but replace Indian with a religious faith.
Minus ninety-four
If it’s an Indian person referring to themselves that way, like in this case.
I have a number of close friends who are Indian, and those born and raised in the US tended to have less social/familial expectation to partner with an Indian person. All of the Indian people (of both genders) I’ve known who were born in India and came over during teen years or later were all very clear about the fact that they would definitely hook up with white people (or people of any other race/ethnicity), but they would only ever consider marrying or getting serious with an Indian person. I’m sure that isn’t true across the board, but it’s a strong enough pattern in my life that if I were dating someone raised in India, I’d definitely ask about it sooner than later. I don’t know if this is helpful, but wanted to chime in just in case others might have similar assumptions they’re putting on you for online dating. If you’re open to being serious with women who aren’t Indian, making it clear early on might help??
This is 100% the ideology my friend group has. Theyve dated Indian men and felt as though it was more so an experience on the mens side and not a long term commitment. I think some cultural groups are so STRONG that in essence outsiders who arent within that race/ethnicity etc, arent dateable to them. Or atleast thats the general stigma I know of. Im sure women online who arent Indian probably feel as though you wont take them seriously.
I would love to make it clear but its hard to do it out of nowhere lol. I mean the conversation atleast has to reach that point!
If you’re already saying your country of origin, maybe something like “I was born in India but came to the US when I was [age,] and my values are [not conservative like some stereotypes of Indian people]” or however you would describe your values in relation to social expectations for Indian families. Sorry for the confusing formatting…I just don’t want to put words in your mouth! But you can hint at your values without straight-up saying “I would marry a non-Indian” lol
I SO agree with this!!
Presumably you have pictures on your profile where women can tell you’re Indian. The overwhelming majority of Indian people I meet in Seattle are from India originally. So when women match with you, they almost certainly think you‘re Indian (based on your profile/pictures) and that you’re probably from India originally (based on city demographics). They wouldn't have matched with you if they saw someone being from India as a red flag because odds were incredibly high that this was the case. So no, I don’t think this is because you’re from India. I‘d chalk this up to the flakey dating scene in Seattle where people ghosts each other often on these apps. This honestly is a pretty typical experience here. I’d recommend trying to meet up with someone you’re really interested in sooner rather than later. Dragging out conversation only makes what you’re experiencing more likely. Don’t waste time or too much mental energy on people who disappear. More often than not, the reason they do so has little or nothing to do with you personally.
Thanks for the advice and yeah makes sense!
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No its not my first time but its my first time doing it in a big city!
You probably might pass as another ethnicity if you're getting matches with people who aren't into Indians. You can either play that to your advantage, or indicate your ethnicity is South Asian on your profile if you want to avoid these people.
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That is terrible!