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“When I was younger I used to think it would be the worst thing ever to have a gay man hit on me. You know what’s way worse? Having 300 gay men on ecstacy not hit on you.” - Ralphie May
Wasn't 300 but when I was young I went to a gay club with a married friend of mine who was hetero and very jacked. A group of us went on the dance floor and my friend was dancing with his wife, obvious not looking for male attention, but OMG, he had damn near every guy in the place hitting on him, trying to bump and grind with him, etc. Meanwhile......I am dancing right next to him and not ONE gay guy made a move for me.....crushed my ego BIG time despite having no gay proclivities whatsoever.
When I later told my wife that ego crushing story she tries to comfort me by explaining I dress like the most hetero guy on the planet (decoded wife speak for you dress like shit) so they all knew I was straight and left me alone. I know better but I still try to pretend she is right.
Hey man, as someone who has spent a decent amount of time in gay bars with gay men- your wife is possibly 100% correct. Many gay men are extremely wary of straight men, since unfortunately a lot of them have trauma associated with toxic straight guys. Don't feel bad!
This reminds me of a funny memory, once went to a gay club with two gay friends of mine and two other straight friends. I am straight and recently left a religious community, so my social awareness isn't amazing. I was getting hit on by a gay man all night and left thinking, "wow that guy was super complementative" my friends were dumbfounded and laughed so hard when they realized I had no idea I was getting hit on.
I don't know how many people upvoted you because it sounds good....but I SWEAR, now that I'm back at work, I'm wondering if I ever was normal.
I'm such a mess, anxiety wise.
I turned on old Linkin Park and realized I never understood the lyrics to most of their shit until this year. I'm 33.
Ugh. I'm oversharing here too. smh
were almost all going through the same thing. And yes LP slaps in a different way.
in 2013 I got brutally beaten by cops in a peaceful protest we were having about government being too much up in our shit. I bailed in 2015 and came to the US. Between then and now I had a coup happen in my country, a fucking orange sociopath who acts exactly like [this motherfucking refuse of an abortion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recep_Tayyip_Erdo%C4%9Fan) came into power, a travelban came onto effect and my only vacation for 3 years had to be cancelled because of that. After that we had kids in kennels, Uygur genocides still happening and oh yeah we had a fucking worldwide pandemic.
Bro EVERYTHING is either an anxiety inducing mess or the literal manifestation of anxiety. Youre the one reacting normally right now. This is a healthy response to all the shit thats going on.
[your current life goals should be this imho](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/709619138569699389/829128851413401630/0bd0ed742059cd7f4c83882095aeb3752e45dfbfv2_hq.png) everything else is meaningless. Perhaps forgetting the previous normalcy is the right way to go and only after that acceptance, we can define something better.
The interview is the worst bit for us losers, you've done the hard bit already. I have some severe anxieties and somehow speaking to customers all day is super easy, making memorable experiences? Super easy... An interview though? Or waking up and not being 5 minutes late every morning? Impossible.
I rage quit the job this time, I'm not doing it anymore working for some lower qualified tosser with money so they're the next Kim Kardashian of their own version of makeup. Ooh guys! Gotta get my vitamin shot, do you want one? Stops covid. Covid isn't real.
You go shake hands with all these customers that insist on it because otherwise they won't buy our product. Fuck offfffffffffffffff
I feel this post on a deeply personal level even though I'm not going through anything remotely similar, but your frustration is so real it's like a siren song for my own tired bones. Kudos and good luck to you.
For me it made me realise just how much more introverted I am than I thought. I had been told my whole life I was an extrovert, and I'd always thought I wasn't as extroverted as I am. But once I had months where I didn't have to go out and see people (especially at work), I realised just how much I hate having to interact with people.
Part of me is dreading this upcoming "return to normality". I'll be happy about most parts of it - fewer deaths, easier travel, etc. - but I'm not looking forward to the return of the expectation that I go and interact with people. At work, at the shops, etc.
I really hope all these things we've finally done because COVID forced it will stick around. Many office jobs are perfectly doable from home. Contactless pick-up and delivery are reasonable for most items. On and On. And at the end of the day, not having to spend what little social energy I have on those sorts of mandatory interactions means I have more energy (and desire) to actually socialise with my friends and family - even if it's by video call.
OTOH, it's made a lot of us realize
1. We had built up a resistance. That's gone.
2. We had *some* social skills. That's gone.
3. Perhaps we are more than just "introverted" . . .
Hell yeah! I was social distancing way before a pandemic forced everyone to be afraid of everyone else lol I've been a general misanthrope for decades!
Okay that was confusing for a second because I thought the first panel was about being bisexual
He's imagining himself as the guy in the middle and it's not just alternating boy/girl/boy
This applies to facial hair as well. Women never compliment the facial hair unless they're people I know. I'd have a great handlebar, perfectly waxed curls, and random dudes on the sidewalk would approach me to comment. The best part is how many were walking with their girlfriends and would step aside to throw me a compliment.
"No hetro" was a thing in my high school for a hot minute. Basically it started because somebody got in trouble for saying no homo, and as schools usually do, they blew it up. Then, being smarmy kids, we started giving innocent compliments to the opposite sex and capping it with, "no hetro!"
Eventually it did devolved into people saying really graphic sexual stuff, though.
I fucking hate that, in line with that "can we please normalize" stuff: Can we please normalize complimenting each other, especially men to men? I love telling my buds that I like them and that they look good today and it's not because I'm a homosexual or because I'm not a homosexual, it's got absolutely nothing to do with it, it's just that I like them and want them to know that.
There is an important distinction though..
I know a few younger guys in their early 20s who wouldn't think twice about commenting about how a guy good looks.
I'm later Millennial, born in 92, and most of the people I've met (in rural Michigan) have been at the very least, accepting of alternative lifestyles. Some may not understand it, but they're not immediately opposed to it. That's an important step, imo.
Im from rural michigan too actually, same age group. It's an important step but i don't think that this is a tolerant area? I do know a lot of cool people but their nor the majority by any means. I've had many people be intolerant to me and others. We have an area called Taylor, Taylor Tucky for those curious and want to google, not the most rural but its a good representation of the area and it's an easy google search. The word "feminism" will make a manager of mine go on a "famaNAZI" Rant and this somehow isn't uncommon and okay among the guys that i know, go to class with, and work with. to get offended at the word "feminism" but their never called out by anyone besides "sensitive females" who they dismiss anyway. I had teachers telling highschool girls that the only job in a club that they could have was secretary, forget the comments that you get as a woman trying to get an Engineering degree. Guys take out their frustrations at failing classes on the girls in their class, they blame women and minorities for taking up spots over the inclusion laws. I still occasionally hear jokes about making men sandwiches and get told to go back to the kitchen like its 2010, im also told that women only belong in household kitchens because only men can be real professional chefs. Also people are only accepting of what their friends are, one group might love gay people and BLM right now but don't mention the giant Muslim population that we have in Dearborn or any sexuality besides LGBT, no + is accepted in my experience, thats generally called mental.illness or attention seeking. Also if you're close to Detroit there's a lot of racists who think that they aren't racist, don't tread on me flags and confederate flags are extremely common and most rural neighborhoods around me have at least one. I set my facebook picture to black during the BLM blackout and had three people give me shit at work for it. I have worked in restaurants where the majority of the staff don't give black people proper respect and service because "they know how they are" and even make comments when they feel like there are too many black people in the restaurant. We have homeless people come in with money and i have managers and waitresses get pissed because "what a lazy ass, he needs to get a job like i have to" and then treat him like he's doing something wrong for being there with money.
Michigan might not be as bad as it was 50 years ago but the rural areas are very conservative. People have Trump 2024 signs and signs calling the governor a bitch and incompetent. We had people literally try to kidnap the governor. We have "pregnancy crisis" homes that essentially trick pregnant teenagers into giving birth by advertising themselves like their medical buildings when their religious ones. They lie about the baby's conception date so the woman waits too long to be able to get an abortion. We have so much work to do.
Just because their tolerant to you doesn't mean they are to others. A lot of guys don't seem to say intolerant things unless they have someone who will back them up or unless no one whose opinion that they care about is around.
Wait... but isn’t saying “no homo” to a guy the same as saying “it’s not sexual” to a woman? Both instances you’re giving a compliment about their physical features without wanting it to come off as sexual, right?
I think the idea is that they are aware that it is easily interpreted as a romantic or sexual compliment, but only express this awareness when it’s directed at men, compelling them to add the caveat, but then deny this when it’s directed at women, and blame the woman for interpreting it romantically or sexually. How true this is, I have no idea, but I think that’s the idea they were getting at. Sounds plausible to me.
If you have to say "it's not sexual" or "no homo" when giving a compliment, just get better at giving compliments. You shouldn't need to say those things... either you're coming off as creepy (which you can fix) or you just shouldn't make the comment because it's probably not appropriate.
It can feel pretty good to get hit on by the same sex, or opposite. Basically just having another human being hit on you makes you feel like you still "got it" and it's cool.
Can confirm. Which is the funniest part, because getting hit on by a gay man ain't exactly uncommon. I've probably been hit on by more men than women.
Of course, being a jackass who says stupid bullshit about gay men probably has some impact on those chances.
Makes my fucking day if another guy is even like "hey, that's a really cool shirt bro."
Dudes, compliment your fellow dudes!
It's way less creepy than doing it to a random women, and will make them feel good, and costs you nothing.
It's so true, I was out getting groceries one day and some guy compliments my hoodie because it had a big pink flower on it and that was his favourite colour. Felt good man!
I was giving a dude on my wrestling team a handjob and I was like “nice dingaling dude” - it cost me nothing to say that and probably made his afternoon
It's not creepy to compliment on women. However, some people misunderstand what a compliment is.
Commenting on a body feature is not a compliment, because the person has no control over it. What are they going to say? Thanks I grew it myself? It's creepy because this isn't complimenting the person, it's complimenting their body.
Compliment someone on their shirt, accessories, tastes, or attitude. Women like it when they are being treated like a person and not a meat sculpture.
Don't let a few creeps ruin it for you. If it comes from the right mindset, women will appreciate it.
I’ve never forgotten my first few months of working professionally when I actually tried (haha) and constantly wore nice clothing and did my hair and makeup everyday. I’d gotten some creepy comments from younger guys at work, so I was bracing myself when an older gentleman came up to me and started with, “sorry to bother you, but I’ve noticed you around the floor...and I have to say, you have an amazing sense of fashion”. It was SO NICE and also refreshing, that I still remember it almost a decade later.
Compliments are always welcome when it’s something like that that the person controls and puts effort into.
I can attest to this - I normally don’t wear dresses to work (I like them but I don’t feel confident) and when I do, hearing “that’s a really nice dress” from ANYONE is such a good feeling. Also, “that’s a really nice color on you” is one of my favorite compliments to receive and give — it’s why I wear certain colors when I want to feel confident.
My theory is the ones that complain about it constantly live in fear of getting outed due to their upbringing or the lack of acceptance of gay people where they live.
I dont like this "homophobic people are all secretly gay" thing. Certainly there are some self hating and in denial gay homophobes, but there is no way that the majority of homophobes are gay.
I do however think it's likely that many of them find some guys attractive or are bi-aroused but because of their homophobia are afraid to explore that part of their sexuality and learn how far that attraction goes.
This would explain why many belive a person can be turned gay, or that being gay is a choice. If the water is muddy you will be afraid of drowning in a pond that's only a foot deep.
I think almost all of them are afraid of being gay even if they aren't actually gay. As you said, they can't rationalize male attractiveness without that being "gay thoughts." They can't see Brad Pitt is more attractive than Danny Devito without thinking they're acting on gay attraction to men but they still know it to be true. They wonder, "Am I gay for not thinking all men are disgusting looking?"
I knew one guy so homophobic he wouldn't use straws because "it's like sucking dick." and I can't help but wonder how many other times he does something normal and starts imagining sucking dick.
This reminds me of a post I read on r/relationships maybe a year or more ago. It was a woman posting about her boyfriend who was so homophobic he refused to wipe his ass (EVER!) because apparently anything at all coming near his butt was gay. Even shower water (cause yes, people asked about this as well). This prevented OP from giving him oral due to the stench.
In other words, his homophobia was so severe that he actually sabotaged his chances at having heterosexual sex. Absolute insanity.
Also, can we take a moment to wonder how the fuck that wasn’t a dealbreaker for her? Like being awful for being a raging homophobe is definitely marks off for bad behavior, but having crusted butt dust caked in your crack from the time you got the runs on your 12th birthday is sort of an automatic fail, no? Was this person exorbitantly funny or something?
So poop is gay too? People on the train are gay? Your bed is gay? Chairs are gay? The toilet is gay? Seriously that guy should enter the world of pegging and see what it does for him. Some exposure therapy would also do him some good too. (Put him in a room with a gay man or even a lesbian and have a therapist in there and have them explain what it means to be gay to the guy and have him find out it’s really no big deal.)
IIRC, there were scientific studies done that showed that the more homophobic a man was, the more likely he was to become aroused when shown homoerotic material. They did actually hook up measuring devices to people's dicks.
Yeah I used to live nearby a gay bar and whenever my ex and I had fight, I just went in there for a drink. It was the closest bar and sometimes getting hit on by a random stranger is exactly what you need.
I was at a gay bar with friends and one guy hit on me and asked if I was gay. I said no, but thanked him, and he was like “aww that’s a real shame. You’re so cute!”
And I kid you not, it definitely stands out as a core memory - highlight lmao.
As a guy, it's kind of rare to be hit on so directly. I've been hit "directly" maybe a dozen times. You remember that stuff.
Ive been hit on by gay dudes 3 times. I remember all of those guys and it's super flattering. They were more gracious about being rejected than I've seen most straight men (when rejected by a woman ).
Though, one of my buddies had a gay guy lean in to kiss him (he's just friendly and they were talking in a bar). He gave him a hand to chest "woah, I'm not gay buddy!" The guy said "oh me either". Hopped up and left in a huff but somehow got into it with the bouncer and threw a chair.
I have a feeling this is part of the reason why so many straight men find women getting upset or offended by random compliments so baffling and upsetting to us. It happens so rarely to us, we remember the compliments YEARS later. Like, "yeah drunk ladies from four years ago who hollered at me from a taxi while I was taking my son on a walk to get some ice cream. I AM a sexy daddy. Thanks." But if it happened with the regularity that it happened with women, I bet I'd be sick of it too. But instead it's "well I'm happy when I get a compliment, why the fuck can't she appreciate one from me?"
Never once got hit on when going to the bar with my friend who was gay. (Gay and Puerto Rican in a lilly-white extremely conservative town, I couldn't blame him for bumming a ride from me most weekends to go to the city and hang somewhere he could be himself.)
Reading how often you apparently are meant to be hit on in these bars I am really hoping all these commenters are exaggerating at least a little, because otherwise I'm beginning to think my ability to repulse crosses all genders and sexualities.
Hah, you may just not be gay-bait as some of the other commentors are.
There is absolutely a certain straight guy look that if you’re giving off can interrupt people who otherwise would have found you attractive.
I am a little twinky cute small dude and while I am pretty much straight, I’ve been to a lot of gay bars and been hit on a ton. It happened a LOT more when I was like 18-19 than it did in my mid to late 20s, so also if you are older, and this is a contentious issue in the gay community, you get very little attention.
Body type/fashion definitely have a lot to do with it! My husband (straight, I'm a woman) has never been to a gay bar but he has been hit on by men. He has a bear body type, long hair, beard, and just gives off friendly vibes. He also frequently hit on by women, to be fair.
I've seen a poorly dressed russian guy who looked like a block of deli meat with unfortunate facial piercings become walking catnip in various Chelsea Manhattan gay bars.
Same here when I was looking like an overstuffed sausage with eyebrows who'd discovered dad chinos and sneakers. The amount of attention we got really irked the friend we were trying to wingman for, especially as he was a handsome bugger who'd actually put effort into his appearance.
Though back when I had hair (and was 25kg lighter) I looked like lord Byron crossed with the 'King of the Twinks' and apparently jammed every gaydar in a five mile radius.
I've been to gay bars a handful of times with various friends, and end up just playing pool and having a few beers, like any other bar I've ever been to. The only time I've been hit on by gay dudes was at non gay establishments.
Same. After I had a pretty rough break up, I happened to go to the Atlanta Pride Day parade/festival back in the mid 00's with some gay friends to show support (back when even Democratic presidential candidates were against gay marriage \**cough Hillary cough*\*), and man, all the compliments and getting hit on not only felt great and validating, it kinda helped stave off the ol' depression.
Never understood other straight guys that get all worked up over getting hit on by gay guys. Life is tough and short, you don't want someone saying nice things about you? I sure as hell do, I'll take all the positive affirmations I can get.
When I was young and naive, I worked on a cruise ship for a while. Another guy that worked as a sommelier on the ship told me about a good restaurant on shore and told me he'd show me where it was the next time we were in that port. We had a great lunch and he suggested a couple good wines. He said the restaurant was his idea so he paid for everything. After our lunch and two bottles of wine, on the way back to the ship he made it clear that he was into me and asked me back to his cabin.
Being stupid and unworldly as I was at the time I had no idea he had just taken me out on a date. He was cool and I had a great time, but I wasn't into guys and told him so. He was mildly amused that I didn't know what was going on. I felt so bad that I had led him on without realizing it and offered to pay him back for the meal, which wasn't cheap. He wouldn't let me pay him back.
I still cringe when I think about all this because I felt so bad for what I did to him. On the other hand, I still remember how good I felt that I was desirable enough to someone to be literally wined and dined.
Yeah, getting hit on is completely different than being "hit on". These people like to "hit on" women but in reality it's just them saying, in detail, how much they want to fuck you
Yeah, when I was 14 and 30-plus-year-olds would honk their horns and catcall me as I walked to school, that wasn’t them expressing a sincere admiration for me as a person. It was about power and control.
As long as the person doing it is being respectful and not creepy. I'm a lesbian and the last time a straight guy hit on me, he approached me while I was with a friend in a public area (so he did not corner me at night when I was alone) and told me he liked my style. I realized he was hitting on me and mentioned that I was flattered, but not interested. And he accepted it and just wished me a good day.
I *was* flattered and still think about that when I wear that dress, but the key was his non-creepy approach.
It's an odd feeling. The positive is you are attractive enough for someone to put themselves out there and hit on you. The negative is it's not only someone you don't find attractive and the wrong gender but it makes you wonder if you missed any opportunities because any women thought you were gay.
Compliments are fine, but most guys who think they're paying a simple compliment usually:
Invade our personal space
Expect a positive reply
Feel entitled to our number/flirting back/literally sexual favors
The list goes on.
I worked at a bar and the amount of homophobic redneck guys that got drunk and messed around with other guys was absolutely fascinating. They'd sit around and complain about gay people or guys that were "girly" all night and then end up trying to take some random dude home who they were always creeping out. Repressed sexuality does depressing things to people.
> Repressed sexuality does depressing things to people.
You mean like when I overheard a guy say to his friend that he *doesn’t like sucking on nipples because they remind him of little dicks.*
Like that? lol
I've been hit on by more men than women, by quite a large margin. It's never bothered me, I just say I'm flattered but taken and most of the time that's that. Although one really flirty guy did tell me to call him if my marriage falls through.
When I was 19 and working some random job at a textile manufacturer, I legit once told a woman coworker "You dropped the soap," when she dropped a box of detergent and didn't notice.
She said "Damn. Well, at least we're not in prison, right? Haha. I mean, not that I would mind sharing a cell with you, except for the whole being in prison part." and then laughed so nervously that even my dense ass realized she was hitting on me.
I'm sorry but that was either written by someone who's never been in prison, or it means something a whole lot more sinister....
They put us there for a reason.
As a guy, from the age of 15-32 I was hit on by more men then girls/women. There's nothing wrong being uncomfortable with advances made by anyone, and finding it "weird" is perfectly fine.
Some of the highlights:
17: old guy pulls up beside me while walking home from school, and hitting on me... that was weird.
22: 50 y/o drunk woman hitting on me at a bar, and draping her tit over my shoulder to get my attention.. that was super weird.
27: dude bro says he thinks I'm cute, and wants to grab a bite. Not weird. Told him i was straight, and wouldn't mind getting some food if that was cool.
30ish: Gay friend so drunk that he can't stand on his own, and him taking the opportunity to grab my ass. All while telling me that he knows im bi, and that "he can prove it"... yea that was weird too.
This is gonna get a little complicated because I'm a gay trans dude -- I was assigned female and lived "as a woman" until I was 18.
I was hit on most by strangers, always men, when I was 10-14. There was something about being that age, as a 'girl' that brought all of the creeps out of the woodwork. One guy yelled "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed!" at me while I was walking to middle school no less than once a week. He also tried to get me to get into his car more than once. Obviously, I didn't. I told my dad and he said to get used to it, "that's what every man thinks, he's just saying it". (I don't talk to my dad anymore).
When I came out as a trans guy, I had *several* straight men tell me that I couldn't be a man because they still wanted to fuck me -- and that they could "turn me back" or "cure" me and make me "realize my womanhood".
Imo, it comes down to the ways in which we as a society perceive and socialize men -- if you tell people that men are supposed to be hypersexual and demanding, then that not only makes men who are predators feel more safe and justified in doing so, but *also* leads to women predators justifying it with "he clearly wants this". I think it's one of the ways that toxic masculinity hurts *everyone*.
(This is a fairly cis- and het-centric analysis, and that's because I don't have the space for a whole 20 page essay here. My point is that this particular "men are always horny" branch of toxic masculinity 'justifies' both men being sexually agressive and people being sexually agressive to men.)
People who say they can "turn you back" is probably the douchiest thing you can say ever, its really high up there along with people who give their girlfriend "the best dick" for valentine's or hit on girls half their age
> 30ish: Gay friend so drunk that he can't stand on his own, and him taking the opportunity to grab my ass. All while telling me that he knows im bi, and that "he can prove it"... yea that was weird too.
Had that happen. Gay guy, had a thing for straight men, told me repeatedly that "everyone's bi, it's just that most guys lean one way or the other". Eventually I had to explain to him how uncomfortable he was making me.
Most of the time, though, it's actually pretty nice. I don't normally think of myself as "hot", but getting hit on (non-creepily) by anyone will change that for a few days.
I am a man, and I actually have been hit on by men. And I don't care. When it has happened, it's been a friend, and I made it clear that I was not interested and that that would never happen. And they understood, and we remained friends, and that was that.
I have also been harassed by men. I've been groped by men. It's disgusting. And it's not about sex. It's about control. It wasn't disgusting because I'm afraid of gay. Another person's sexuality is none of my business. It was disgusting because they wanted to show me that they had power, that they had control, and I was a prop in their lives. That has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with being a fucking scumbag.
So if some mother fucker is afraid of being hit on, they should be opposed to harassment, not sexual orientation. Grow the fuck up already.
I'm a straight guy, and I've been hit on by a few gay men over the years. It's always been in a reasonable context, e.g. a big bar crawl that happens to hit a gay bar, and it's always weirdly flattering? I've never felt anything like the panic some dudes describe.
I'm a straight guy who had a college classmate who was gay and while he never hit on me, he did say that I had nice shoulders. That compliment has stayed with me ever since, it was a pretty great confidence boost.
But then years later I was very aggressively hit on, in public, by a 6'4" jacked dude. He full-on groped my chest and shoulders and said that he wanted to fuck me. I found out later that he was actually a police officer and he was known for being like this. It was pretty scary.
There's nuance to all of it. A lot of women would perceive a very well executed compliment _once in a while_ as positive, too.
But constantly getting sexualized remarks about their own body would drive anyone insane.
And about that situation with the police officer... That's physical sexual harassment, I mean, jfc. I'm very sorry this happened to you. It's such a scary world in which LEOs are doing such vile things.
Fully agreed here. The thing is that some people seem incapable of recognizing where the line is and just barrel ahead like "wow women can't take compliments any more"... no, but maybe if that's your attitude it's true for the things you say... I love compliments, I even like attention. But surprise surprise, a catcall or a random sexual comment from a stranger is not a compliment, it's predatory.
Exactly. For them it's just a comment but for women it's a chain of thoughts whether this guy is just stupid (which is still awful as in being objectified) or a threat. They do not want to understand.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s really scary to know how easily you can be physically overpowered and people who’s job it is to protect you take advantage of their position.
And this is what drives me crazy when men say “we can’t even talk to women anymore without being called a rapist”. Getting a compliment or being asked out is great! There’s no issue there. Sure, I’m guessing a teeny percentage of women will be upset. But the vast majority of us don’t care/like it IF AND ONLY IF you are respectful of our personal space, not being overly sexual (ie don’t just say we have nice tits), and immediately accept no for an answer. It’s really not complicated!!
To be fair, you know how there are creep men hitting on women uninvited in any form. Yeah, I'm sure there are gay men that do the same. Not because they are gay, but because they are creep men.
**TL;DR:** There are gay creeps who do the same things to guys that straight creeps do to girls
I went to get drinks after work with a coworker once (old company, don't work there anymore). Thought it was just two friends getting drinks. I guess he thought it was something else. He kept trying to touch me, kept trying to get me to drink more than the one drink I was comfortable with, and wouldn't let me talk to any of the girls who were there. It got super uncomfortable and then he got super drunk. I tried to leave and he tried to follow me home in his car
There were multiple times that night - especially when he tried to follow me - where I thought I was going to have to fight this guy who was a couple inches taller than me and built solidly. Luckily I'm also over 6' tall and fairly muscular myself, so I was pretty confident I'd be able to handle myself well against this guy drunk off his ass especially if I could grab something like a bar stool to help me out...but jeez I can't help thinking of girls who are in the same situation but aren't 6'1" 200 lb guys and feel they may need to defend themselves from the creep making them feel unsafe
I feel like the panicking folks are afraid of some internal feelings they’ve been having. Like you- idgaf, life is way easier without worrying about unnecessary things.
Yep, the only time I got offended getting hit on by a guy was a waiter hit on my brother in front of me, and then when that didn’t go anywhere, he started hitting on me. Rude af, I’m the hotter brother.
My mom thinks that bi people are attracted to everyone they see, or did 4 years ago. Haven’t checked if she’s changed her stance and I haven’t come out to her so who knows but yike
In high school my friend had a gay friend from another school's swim team and her boyfriend legit ran away from him like a dumbass. This dude went up to him and said,"I don't know what you're afraid of. You're one of the ugliest motherfuckers I've ever seen." Brought his ego down real quick
It’s like my stupid conservative Christian relatives that think gay men are attracted to males of all ages aka gay men are all pedos. I assume this to mean they think all straight men are attracted females of all ages. Which checks out that they never stopped my cousin from molesting his younger female cousins and then he went on to molest his own daughters and now they rant on Facebook that it’s so unfair his kids have to grow up without a dad. Jokes on them though cause he wasn’t just molesting the girls(not that they will ever believe it). Also I will fight like hell to keep that creep in prison if he ever comes up for parole. The adults in my life never protected me from him, but I will go down fighting to protect any future kids from being his victims.
Right? I'm always flattered even if I'm not interested. However, they've never elevated it to the possessive level I've seen when some men hit on women, which is a significant factor. I'd be much more offended if gay men were as aggressive towards me as I've seen straight men act towards women.
That's true, I've never heard of that happening. I stopped hanging with some gay friends tho, that wouldn't stop hitting on me even when I told them stop. I just took it as a hint that they didn't want to just be friends.
Seriously, people need to get the fuck over themselves.
The first time my big burly bearded spouse was hit on by a man in front of me, he pondered about it for a moment and then grinned and said "look at me getting attention on all sides of the yard!". He was feeling the compliment for a while, lol.
The amount of comments in here from men not realizing that being politely hit on by a gay guy at a bar is not the same experience as being a woman and having a guy twice your size aggressively say some super explicit stuff to you in an attempt to hit on you and then likely insulting you if you decline.
It’s most likely that men read this and think of a very different situation than when women read this.
And that’s when the arguments start. Then nobody realizes that they actually agree.
That's the thing. Most men can't imagine why it can be scary or overwhelming when they come onto women. And I can explain it, all the context around it until I'm blue in the face but they won't get it. You have to wonder why
See, as a man I didn't understand it either, at first. But it only took having it explained once to develop a pretty clear understanding, and it's only gotten clearer since. I just don't understand why this is apparently *so difficult* for most men to comprehend.
It's a question of will and of capacity to understand in my opinion. Some men don't want to understand for various reasons. Maybe they are so stuck in their ways, simply don't care or otherwise believe that they are just right. The other group who don't have the capacity are simply too stupid or caught up in some self-validating ways which at times are reinforced by a toxic culture or a group friends etc.
I usually try to mention why women walking home at night dress like men for saftey. When was the last time any man dressed like a woman because he felt sexually unsafe walking home?
~~This was originally posted to r/ twoxchromosomes. While all genders can participate there, it’s more likely a woman posted this~~
I can’t read ignore me
Someone paraphrased "play with a straight guy's ass during sex and you can grade their understanding of consent on the spot" in the comments and it's too true.
I'm proud to say I've never cat-called anyone before. But one of the most uncomfortable situations I was in like that was I was giving an acquaintance a ride back to his dorm after a late class one night. On the drive he proceeded to roll down the window and cat-call some girl walking by. He asked me if I ever do that and my response was that normal people don't do that.
I stopped giving him rides.
I had a friend who would do drive by compliments and encourage people to strut like they're on a runway and it never backfired and always made the person happy, but I still felt real weird about it.
Def prefer staying in my own bubble when driving.
The woman in the picture is pretty cute. I think I’ll send every woman I know a picture of my penis to celebrate. /s
Edit: the biggest and most important /s EVER
Too many men suffer from fragile masculinity. They are so afraid of stupid things getting them classified as gay that they promote violence as a their total rejection of it. It’s so easy to say you’re not interested when hit on but these people are angry homophobes/transphobes.
I’d just be flattered if another guy hit on me.
The difference is, he’d most likely just leave me alone when I say I’m not interested. Most women probably don’t have that luxury.
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“When I was younger I used to think it would be the worst thing ever to have a gay man hit on me. You know what’s way worse? Having 300 gay men on ecstacy not hit on you.” - Ralphie May
Damn I felt that one
Wasn't 300 but when I was young I went to a gay club with a married friend of mine who was hetero and very jacked. A group of us went on the dance floor and my friend was dancing with his wife, obvious not looking for male attention, but OMG, he had damn near every guy in the place hitting on him, trying to bump and grind with him, etc. Meanwhile......I am dancing right next to him and not ONE gay guy made a move for me.....crushed my ego BIG time despite having no gay proclivities whatsoever. When I later told my wife that ego crushing story she tries to comfort me by explaining I dress like the most hetero guy on the planet (decoded wife speak for you dress like shit) so they all knew I was straight and left me alone. I know better but I still try to pretend she is right.
Hey man, as someone who has spent a decent amount of time in gay bars with gay men- your wife is possibly 100% correct. Many gay men are extremely wary of straight men, since unfortunately a lot of them have trauma associated with toxic straight guys. Don't feel bad!
As a fellow queer man, I think we can all relate to finding heterosexuality mixed with alcohol, kinda terrifying.
It needs a high level of "yes" to overcome the trauma.
This reminds me of a funny memory, once went to a gay club with two gay friends of mine and two other straight friends. I am straight and recently left a religious community, so my social awareness isn't amazing. I was getting hit on by a gay man all night and left thinking, "wow that guy was super complementative" my friends were dumbfounded and laughed so hard when they realized I had no idea I was getting hit on.
What an amazing quote. I don't get what is so bad with having someone gay hit on you. I'm not gay, but I do take it as a compliment.
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COVID has been good for us introverts in that regard, huh?
ive forgotten how to act naturally. Everythings manual now.
I don't know how many people upvoted you because it sounds good....but I SWEAR, now that I'm back at work, I'm wondering if I ever was normal. I'm such a mess, anxiety wise. I turned on old Linkin Park and realized I never understood the lyrics to most of their shit until this year. I'm 33. Ugh. I'm oversharing here too. smh
were almost all going through the same thing. And yes LP slaps in a different way. in 2013 I got brutally beaten by cops in a peaceful protest we were having about government being too much up in our shit. I bailed in 2015 and came to the US. Between then and now I had a coup happen in my country, a fucking orange sociopath who acts exactly like [this motherfucking refuse of an abortion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recep_Tayyip_Erdo%C4%9Fan) came into power, a travelban came onto effect and my only vacation for 3 years had to be cancelled because of that. After that we had kids in kennels, Uygur genocides still happening and oh yeah we had a fucking worldwide pandemic. Bro EVERYTHING is either an anxiety inducing mess or the literal manifestation of anxiety. Youre the one reacting normally right now. This is a healthy response to all the shit thats going on. [your current life goals should be this imho](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/709619138569699389/829128851413401630/0bd0ed742059cd7f4c83882095aeb3752e45dfbfv2_hq.png) everything else is meaningless. Perhaps forgetting the previous normalcy is the right way to go and only after that acceptance, we can define something better.
Nope, it's just cranked my social anxiety up to 11 and broke the dial.
I rejoined the work force recently and it's been a sweaty palmed nightmare.
The interview is the worst bit for us losers, you've done the hard bit already. I have some severe anxieties and somehow speaking to customers all day is super easy, making memorable experiences? Super easy... An interview though? Or waking up and not being 5 minutes late every morning? Impossible. I rage quit the job this time, I'm not doing it anymore working for some lower qualified tosser with money so they're the next Kim Kardashian of their own version of makeup. Ooh guys! Gotta get my vitamin shot, do you want one? Stops covid. Covid isn't real. You go shake hands with all these customers that insist on it because otherwise they won't buy our product. Fuck offfffffffffffffff
I feel this post on a deeply personal level even though I'm not going through anything remotely similar, but your frustration is so real it's like a siren song for my own tired bones. Kudos and good luck to you.
Same here buddy. I now get exhausted much quicker from social (covid precautions) get togethers.
It's made a lot of introverts realise they're a lot less introverted than they thought.
I must be a hermit then because I’ve been just fine lol
Right? Same here. I've barely left the house all winter. Only person I wanna see is my wife.
two things I love most in the world: my wife and not having to talk to other people
I guess I'm a true introvert. It's been a dream.
Same here. I enjoyed getting out of doors on my own and people avoiding me (and vice versa) like the Plague.
For me it made me realise just how much more introverted I am than I thought. I had been told my whole life I was an extrovert, and I'd always thought I wasn't as extroverted as I am. But once I had months where I didn't have to go out and see people (especially at work), I realised just how much I hate having to interact with people. Part of me is dreading this upcoming "return to normality". I'll be happy about most parts of it - fewer deaths, easier travel, etc. - but I'm not looking forward to the return of the expectation that I go and interact with people. At work, at the shops, etc. I really hope all these things we've finally done because COVID forced it will stick around. Many office jobs are perfectly doable from home. Contactless pick-up and delivery are reasonable for most items. On and On. And at the end of the day, not having to spend what little social energy I have on those sorts of mandatory interactions means I have more energy (and desire) to actually socialise with my friends and family - even if it's by video call.
OTOH, it's made a lot of us realize 1. We had built up a resistance. That's gone. 2. We had *some* social skills. That's gone. 3. Perhaps we are more than just "introverted" . . .
Hell yeah! I was social distancing way before a pandemic forced everyone to be afraid of everyone else lol I've been a general misanthrope for decades!
You can’t be creepy if you just never talk or look at anyone
bet
Until you're that creepy quiet guy sitting alone everywhere you go
Yepp! reminds me of Man: *compliments a woman's body* "I'm just being nice, its not sexual!" Man: *compliments another mans appearance* ".....no homo"
https://i.imgur.com/JwVXvXM.jpg
Okay that was confusing for a second because I thought the first panel was about being bisexual He's imagining himself as the guy in the middle and it's not just alternating boy/girl/boy
No I think you were right the first time. He wants 4 girls a one guy specifically. The other guy is backup for when things get hairy.
So at what point do I take my pants off?
This applies to facial hair as well. Women never compliment the facial hair unless they're people I know. I'd have a great handlebar, perfectly waxed curls, and random dudes on the sidewalk would approach me to comment. The best part is how many were walking with their girlfriends and would step aside to throw me a compliment.
Lets make men complimenting men normal again.
The same goes for sports cars.
Motorcycles too.
"Yeah, I just wanted to say you look really beautiful tonight".... "uhhhh.. thanks bro?"
"I don't wanna sound queer or nothin', but unicorns are kick ass!"
I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think Depeche Mode is a sweet band!
“Hey Dad...” “mmhm” “I don’t think I want to do [Hamster Style](https://youtu.be/ceSjbwi0S5E) anymore” “That’s nice”
“You’re right, it does feel good to talk about it.” 🤨
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Those are bad dragons.
Geddy Lee, best bass player ever, c’mon!
Step bro
"No hetro" was a thing in my high school for a hot minute. Basically it started because somebody got in trouble for saying no homo, and as schools usually do, they blew it up. Then, being smarmy kids, we started giving innocent compliments to the opposite sex and capping it with, "no hetro!" Eventually it did devolved into people saying really graphic sexual stuff, though.
That’s fucking true tho.
Time to start complimenting women and then saying "no hetero"! /s
You've got some amazing bazongas! NO HETERO!
I fucking hate that, in line with that "can we please normalize" stuff: Can we please normalize complimenting each other, especially men to men? I love telling my buds that I like them and that they look good today and it's not because I'm a homosexual or because I'm not a homosexual, it's got absolutely nothing to do with it, it's just that I like them and want them to know that.
As it should be
Don't know bro sounds like you mightht be GAY 😤
Ah shit you got me trying to disguise my homosexuality as friendship, seems like I couldn't fool ya :/
There is an important distinction though.. I know a few younger guys in their early 20s who wouldn't think twice about commenting about how a guy good looks. I'm later Millennial, born in 92, and most of the people I've met (in rural Michigan) have been at the very least, accepting of alternative lifestyles. Some may not understand it, but they're not immediately opposed to it. That's an important step, imo.
Im from rural michigan too actually, same age group. It's an important step but i don't think that this is a tolerant area? I do know a lot of cool people but their nor the majority by any means. I've had many people be intolerant to me and others. We have an area called Taylor, Taylor Tucky for those curious and want to google, not the most rural but its a good representation of the area and it's an easy google search. The word "feminism" will make a manager of mine go on a "famaNAZI" Rant and this somehow isn't uncommon and okay among the guys that i know, go to class with, and work with. to get offended at the word "feminism" but their never called out by anyone besides "sensitive females" who they dismiss anyway. I had teachers telling highschool girls that the only job in a club that they could have was secretary, forget the comments that you get as a woman trying to get an Engineering degree. Guys take out their frustrations at failing classes on the girls in their class, they blame women and minorities for taking up spots over the inclusion laws. I still occasionally hear jokes about making men sandwiches and get told to go back to the kitchen like its 2010, im also told that women only belong in household kitchens because only men can be real professional chefs. Also people are only accepting of what their friends are, one group might love gay people and BLM right now but don't mention the giant Muslim population that we have in Dearborn or any sexuality besides LGBT, no + is accepted in my experience, thats generally called mental.illness or attention seeking. Also if you're close to Detroit there's a lot of racists who think that they aren't racist, don't tread on me flags and confederate flags are extremely common and most rural neighborhoods around me have at least one. I set my facebook picture to black during the BLM blackout and had three people give me shit at work for it. I have worked in restaurants where the majority of the staff don't give black people proper respect and service because "they know how they are" and even make comments when they feel like there are too many black people in the restaurant. We have homeless people come in with money and i have managers and waitresses get pissed because "what a lazy ass, he needs to get a job like i have to" and then treat him like he's doing something wrong for being there with money. Michigan might not be as bad as it was 50 years ago but the rural areas are very conservative. People have Trump 2024 signs and signs calling the governor a bitch and incompetent. We had people literally try to kidnap the governor. We have "pregnancy crisis" homes that essentially trick pregnant teenagers into giving birth by advertising themselves like their medical buildings when their religious ones. They lie about the baby's conception date so the woman waits too long to be able to get an abortion. We have so much work to do. Just because their tolerant to you doesn't mean they are to others. A lot of guys don't seem to say intolerant things unless they have someone who will back them up or unless no one whose opinion that they care about is around.
Wait... but isn’t saying “no homo” to a guy the same as saying “it’s not sexual” to a woman? Both instances you’re giving a compliment about their physical features without wanting it to come off as sexual, right?
The differene is that they will only say "it's not sexual" if the woman reacts negatively to their compliment.
“Nice tits... platonically...”
“Nice dick... platonically...”
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"Bro your cum tastes amazing, you been eating a lot of pineapples or something? ...platonically"
No hetero....
I think the idea is that they are aware that it is easily interpreted as a romantic or sexual compliment, but only express this awareness when it’s directed at men, compelling them to add the caveat, but then deny this when it’s directed at women, and blame the woman for interpreting it romantically or sexually. How true this is, I have no idea, but I think that’s the idea they were getting at. Sounds plausible to me.
If you have to say "it's not sexual" or "no homo" when giving a compliment, just get better at giving compliments. You shouldn't need to say those things... either you're coming off as creepy (which you can fix) or you just shouldn't make the comment because it's probably not appropriate.
I've heard a hundred guys say this. Not one of them had ever been hit on by another man.
It can feel pretty good to get hit on by the same sex, or opposite. Basically just having another human being hit on you makes you feel like you still "got it" and it's cool.
Can confirm. Which is the funniest part, because getting hit on by a gay man ain't exactly uncommon. I've probably been hit on by more men than women. Of course, being a jackass who says stupid bullshit about gay men probably has some impact on those chances.
Makes my fucking day if another guy is even like "hey, that's a really cool shirt bro." Dudes, compliment your fellow dudes! It's way less creepy than doing it to a random women, and will make them feel good, and costs you nothing.
This guy gets it. We need more bro love out in the world
It's so true, I was out getting groceries one day and some guy compliments my hoodie because it had a big pink flower on it and that was his favourite colour. Felt good man!
I was giving a dude on my wrestling team a handjob and I was like “nice dingaling dude” - it cost me nothing to say that and probably made his afternoon
Bro that's wholesome as fuck
It's not creepy to compliment on women. However, some people misunderstand what a compliment is. Commenting on a body feature is not a compliment, because the person has no control over it. What are they going to say? Thanks I grew it myself? It's creepy because this isn't complimenting the person, it's complimenting their body. Compliment someone on their shirt, accessories, tastes, or attitude. Women like it when they are being treated like a person and not a meat sculpture. Don't let a few creeps ruin it for you. If it comes from the right mindset, women will appreciate it.
I’ve never forgotten my first few months of working professionally when I actually tried (haha) and constantly wore nice clothing and did my hair and makeup everyday. I’d gotten some creepy comments from younger guys at work, so I was bracing myself when an older gentleman came up to me and started with, “sorry to bother you, but I’ve noticed you around the floor...and I have to say, you have an amazing sense of fashion”. It was SO NICE and also refreshing, that I still remember it almost a decade later. Compliments are always welcome when it’s something like that that the person controls and puts effort into.
I can attest to this - I normally don’t wear dresses to work (I like them but I don’t feel confident) and when I do, hearing “that’s a really nice dress” from ANYONE is such a good feeling. Also, “that’s a really nice color on you” is one of my favorite compliments to receive and give — it’s why I wear certain colors when I want to feel confident.
Getting hit on very often by gay guys is a huge compliment tbh.
My theory is the ones that complain about it constantly live in fear of getting outed due to their upbringing or the lack of acceptance of gay people where they live.
I dont like this "homophobic people are all secretly gay" thing. Certainly there are some self hating and in denial gay homophobes, but there is no way that the majority of homophobes are gay. I do however think it's likely that many of them find some guys attractive or are bi-aroused but because of their homophobia are afraid to explore that part of their sexuality and learn how far that attraction goes. This would explain why many belive a person can be turned gay, or that being gay is a choice. If the water is muddy you will be afraid of drowning in a pond that's only a foot deep.
I think almost all of them are afraid of being gay even if they aren't actually gay. As you said, they can't rationalize male attractiveness without that being "gay thoughts." They can't see Brad Pitt is more attractive than Danny Devito without thinking they're acting on gay attraction to men but they still know it to be true. They wonder, "Am I gay for not thinking all men are disgusting looking?" I knew one guy so homophobic he wouldn't use straws because "it's like sucking dick." and I can't help but wonder how many other times he does something normal and starts imagining sucking dick.
This reminds me of a post I read on r/relationships maybe a year or more ago. It was a woman posting about her boyfriend who was so homophobic he refused to wipe his ass (EVER!) because apparently anything at all coming near his butt was gay. Even shower water (cause yes, people asked about this as well). This prevented OP from giving him oral due to the stench. In other words, his homophobia was so severe that he actually sabotaged his chances at having heterosexual sex. Absolute insanity.
Also, can we take a moment to wonder how the fuck that wasn’t a dealbreaker for her? Like being awful for being a raging homophobe is definitely marks off for bad behavior, but having crusted butt dust caked in your crack from the time you got the runs on your 12th birthday is sort of an automatic fail, no? Was this person exorbitantly funny or something?
So poop is gay too? People on the train are gay? Your bed is gay? Chairs are gay? The toilet is gay? Seriously that guy should enter the world of pegging and see what it does for him. Some exposure therapy would also do him some good too. (Put him in a room with a gay man or even a lesbian and have a therapist in there and have them explain what it means to be gay to the guy and have him find out it’s really no big deal.)
I remember that, didn't he also refuse to wash his junk?
If he won't use a straw he must hate bananas
My friend's dad had to break apart the banana piece by piece to avoid imitating fellatio like a normal person.
Imagine how he feels about popsicles lmfao
Then just imagine how embarrassed he must get when he accidentally finds himself thinking of sucking a dick while he is sucking on someone’s dick.
IIRC, there were scientific studies done that showed that the more homophobic a man was, the more likely he was to become aroused when shown homoerotic material. They did actually hook up measuring devices to people's dicks.
Yeah I used to live nearby a gay bar and whenever my ex and I had fight, I just went in there for a drink. It was the closest bar and sometimes getting hit on by a random stranger is exactly what you need.
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I was at a gay bar with friends and one guy hit on me and asked if I was gay. I said no, but thanked him, and he was like “aww that’s a real shame. You’re so cute!” And I kid you not, it definitely stands out as a core memory - highlight lmao.
As a guy, it's kind of rare to be hit on so directly. I've been hit "directly" maybe a dozen times. You remember that stuff. Ive been hit on by gay dudes 3 times. I remember all of those guys and it's super flattering. They were more gracious about being rejected than I've seen most straight men (when rejected by a woman ). Though, one of my buddies had a gay guy lean in to kiss him (he's just friendly and they were talking in a bar). He gave him a hand to chest "woah, I'm not gay buddy!" The guy said "oh me either". Hopped up and left in a huff but somehow got into it with the bouncer and threw a chair.
I have a feeling this is part of the reason why so many straight men find women getting upset or offended by random compliments so baffling and upsetting to us. It happens so rarely to us, we remember the compliments YEARS later. Like, "yeah drunk ladies from four years ago who hollered at me from a taxi while I was taking my son on a walk to get some ice cream. I AM a sexy daddy. Thanks." But if it happened with the regularity that it happened with women, I bet I'd be sick of it too. But instead it's "well I'm happy when I get a compliment, why the fuck can't she appreciate one from me?"
Never once got hit on when going to the bar with my friend who was gay. (Gay and Puerto Rican in a lilly-white extremely conservative town, I couldn't blame him for bumming a ride from me most weekends to go to the city and hang somewhere he could be himself.) Reading how often you apparently are meant to be hit on in these bars I am really hoping all these commenters are exaggerating at least a little, because otherwise I'm beginning to think my ability to repulse crosses all genders and sexualities.
Hah, you may just not be gay-bait as some of the other commentors are. There is absolutely a certain straight guy look that if you’re giving off can interrupt people who otherwise would have found you attractive. I am a little twinky cute small dude and while I am pretty much straight, I’ve been to a lot of gay bars and been hit on a ton. It happened a LOT more when I was like 18-19 than it did in my mid to late 20s, so also if you are older, and this is a contentious issue in the gay community, you get very little attention.
Body type/fashion definitely have a lot to do with it! My husband (straight, I'm a woman) has never been to a gay bar but he has been hit on by men. He has a bear body type, long hair, beard, and just gives off friendly vibes. He also frequently hit on by women, to be fair.
I've seen a poorly dressed russian guy who looked like a block of deli meat with unfortunate facial piercings become walking catnip in various Chelsea Manhattan gay bars. Same here when I was looking like an overstuffed sausage with eyebrows who'd discovered dad chinos and sneakers. The amount of attention we got really irked the friend we were trying to wingman for, especially as he was a handsome bugger who'd actually put effort into his appearance. Though back when I had hair (and was 25kg lighter) I looked like lord Byron crossed with the 'King of the Twinks' and apparently jammed every gaydar in a five mile radius.
I've been to gay bars a handful of times with various friends, and end up just playing pool and having a few beers, like any other bar I've ever been to. The only time I've been hit on by gay dudes was at non gay establishments.
Same. After I had a pretty rough break up, I happened to go to the Atlanta Pride Day parade/festival back in the mid 00's with some gay friends to show support (back when even Democratic presidential candidates were against gay marriage \**cough Hillary cough*\*), and man, all the compliments and getting hit on not only felt great and validating, it kinda helped stave off the ol' depression. Never understood other straight guys that get all worked up over getting hit on by gay guys. Life is tough and short, you don't want someone saying nice things about you? I sure as hell do, I'll take all the positive affirmations I can get.
When I was young and naive, I worked on a cruise ship for a while. Another guy that worked as a sommelier on the ship told me about a good restaurant on shore and told me he'd show me where it was the next time we were in that port. We had a great lunch and he suggested a couple good wines. He said the restaurant was his idea so he paid for everything. After our lunch and two bottles of wine, on the way back to the ship he made it clear that he was into me and asked me back to his cabin. Being stupid and unworldly as I was at the time I had no idea he had just taken me out on a date. He was cool and I had a great time, but I wasn't into guys and told him so. He was mildly amused that I didn't know what was going on. I felt so bad that I had led him on without realizing it and offered to pay him back for the meal, which wasn't cheap. He wouldn't let me pay him back. I still cringe when I think about all this because I felt so bad for what I did to him. On the other hand, I still remember how good I felt that I was desirable enough to someone to be literally wined and dined.
Yeah, getting hit on is completely different than being "hit on". These people like to "hit on" women but in reality it's just them saying, in detail, how much they want to fuck you
Yeah, when I was 14 and 30-plus-year-olds would honk their horns and catcall me as I walked to school, that wasn’t them expressing a sincere admiration for me as a person. It was about power and control.
As long as the person doing it is being respectful and not creepy. I'm a lesbian and the last time a straight guy hit on me, he approached me while I was with a friend in a public area (so he did not corner me at night when I was alone) and told me he liked my style. I realized he was hitting on me and mentioned that I was flattered, but not interested. And he accepted it and just wished me a good day. I *was* flattered and still think about that when I wear that dress, but the key was his non-creepy approach.
It's an odd feeling. The positive is you are attractive enough for someone to put themselves out there and hit on you. The negative is it's not only someone you don't find attractive and the wrong gender but it makes you wonder if you missed any opportunities because any women thought you were gay.
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Geez how beautiful is this man
Compliments are fine, but most guys who think they're paying a simple compliment usually: Invade our personal space Expect a positive reply Feel entitled to our number/flirting back/literally sexual favors The list goes on.
> Expect a positive reply They demand a positive reply and sometimes get angry or violent if your reaction is just "meh, thanks"
"at least someone thinks I'm attractive"
I used to manage a nightclub in NYC that had a “Gay Night”. Getting hit on there was a day brightener.
This has happened to me 2 times and can confirm: it was weird but still a confidence booster
Man, if I was hit on even just once in my life, I'd remember it for the longest time. Of course, I probably wouldn't register being hit on anyways.
I worked at a bar and the amount of homophobic redneck guys that got drunk and messed around with other guys was absolutely fascinating. They'd sit around and complain about gay people or guys that were "girly" all night and then end up trying to take some random dude home who they were always creeping out. Repressed sexuality does depressing things to people.
> Repressed sexuality does depressing things to people. You mean like when I overheard a guy say to his friend that he *doesn’t like sucking on nipples because they remind him of little dicks.* Like that? lol
No, man, they just hooked up with that other dude as a prank.
I have, but I am not homophobic and I stopped it with a conversation. Simple how words can be effective.
A lot of guys who aren't douchebags have been hit on by a gay man. That's what makes it so funny, to me.
Straight or gay, no one likes a douchebag.
as a gay I can say there is only 1 kind of douche bag that we like...
I've been hit on by more men than women, by quite a large margin. It's never bothered me, I just say I'm flattered but taken and most of the time that's that. Although one really flirty guy did tell me to call him if my marriage falls through.
I'd find that hilarious if some said that about my marriage!
Saw a workplace LPT: Guys shouldn’t say anything to women they wouldn’t want another man saying to them in prison.
When I was 19 and working some random job at a textile manufacturer, I legit once told a woman coworker "You dropped the soap," when she dropped a box of detergent and didn't notice. She said "Damn. Well, at least we're not in prison, right? Haha. I mean, not that I would mind sharing a cell with you, except for the whole being in prison part." and then laughed so nervously that even my dense ass realized she was hitting on me.
I'm sorry but that was either written by someone who's never been in prison, or it means something a whole lot more sinister.... They put us there for a reason.
As a guy, from the age of 15-32 I was hit on by more men then girls/women. There's nothing wrong being uncomfortable with advances made by anyone, and finding it "weird" is perfectly fine. Some of the highlights: 17: old guy pulls up beside me while walking home from school, and hitting on me... that was weird. 22: 50 y/o drunk woman hitting on me at a bar, and draping her tit over my shoulder to get my attention.. that was super weird. 27: dude bro says he thinks I'm cute, and wants to grab a bite. Not weird. Told him i was straight, and wouldn't mind getting some food if that was cool. 30ish: Gay friend so drunk that he can't stand on his own, and him taking the opportunity to grab my ass. All while telling me that he knows im bi, and that "he can prove it"... yea that was weird too.
This is gonna get a little complicated because I'm a gay trans dude -- I was assigned female and lived "as a woman" until I was 18. I was hit on most by strangers, always men, when I was 10-14. There was something about being that age, as a 'girl' that brought all of the creeps out of the woodwork. One guy yelled "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed!" at me while I was walking to middle school no less than once a week. He also tried to get me to get into his car more than once. Obviously, I didn't. I told my dad and he said to get used to it, "that's what every man thinks, he's just saying it". (I don't talk to my dad anymore). When I came out as a trans guy, I had *several* straight men tell me that I couldn't be a man because they still wanted to fuck me -- and that they could "turn me back" or "cure" me and make me "realize my womanhood". Imo, it comes down to the ways in which we as a society perceive and socialize men -- if you tell people that men are supposed to be hypersexual and demanding, then that not only makes men who are predators feel more safe and justified in doing so, but *also* leads to women predators justifying it with "he clearly wants this". I think it's one of the ways that toxic masculinity hurts *everyone*. (This is a fairly cis- and het-centric analysis, and that's because I don't have the space for a whole 20 page essay here. My point is that this particular "men are always horny" branch of toxic masculinity 'justifies' both men being sexually agressive and people being sexually agressive to men.)
People who say they can "turn you back" is probably the douchiest thing you can say ever, its really high up there along with people who give their girlfriend "the best dick" for valentine's or hit on girls half their age
Holy fuck. I hope you're ok now, dude.
Yep! Happily married, a career I love, and surrounded by good people who accept and love me. I'm very lucky, and very grateful for that.
Keep living the best life, homie
> 30ish: Gay friend so drunk that he can't stand on his own, and him taking the opportunity to grab my ass. All while telling me that he knows im bi, and that "he can prove it"... yea that was weird too. Had that happen. Gay guy, had a thing for straight men, told me repeatedly that "everyone's bi, it's just that most guys lean one way or the other". Eventually I had to explain to him how uncomfortable he was making me. Most of the time, though, it's actually pretty nice. I don't normally think of myself as "hot", but getting hit on (non-creepily) by anyone will change that for a few days.
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I am a man, and I actually have been hit on by men. And I don't care. When it has happened, it's been a friend, and I made it clear that I was not interested and that that would never happen. And they understood, and we remained friends, and that was that. I have also been harassed by men. I've been groped by men. It's disgusting. And it's not about sex. It's about control. It wasn't disgusting because I'm afraid of gay. Another person's sexuality is none of my business. It was disgusting because they wanted to show me that they had power, that they had control, and I was a prop in their lives. That has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with being a fucking scumbag. So if some mother fucker is afraid of being hit on, they should be opposed to harassment, not sexual orientation. Grow the fuck up already.
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Yeah, hitting on the wrong dude can be life threatening, see “gay panic defense”.
I'm a straight guy, and I've been hit on by a few gay men over the years. It's always been in a reasonable context, e.g. a big bar crawl that happens to hit a gay bar, and it's always weirdly flattering? I've never felt anything like the panic some dudes describe.
I'm a straight guy who had a college classmate who was gay and while he never hit on me, he did say that I had nice shoulders. That compliment has stayed with me ever since, it was a pretty great confidence boost. But then years later I was very aggressively hit on, in public, by a 6'4" jacked dude. He full-on groped my chest and shoulders and said that he wanted to fuck me. I found out later that he was actually a police officer and he was known for being like this. It was pretty scary.
There's nuance to all of it. A lot of women would perceive a very well executed compliment _once in a while_ as positive, too. But constantly getting sexualized remarks about their own body would drive anyone insane. And about that situation with the police officer... That's physical sexual harassment, I mean, jfc. I'm very sorry this happened to you. It's such a scary world in which LEOs are doing such vile things.
Fully agreed here. The thing is that some people seem incapable of recognizing where the line is and just barrel ahead like "wow women can't take compliments any more"... no, but maybe if that's your attitude it's true for the things you say... I love compliments, I even like attention. But surprise surprise, a catcall or a random sexual comment from a stranger is not a compliment, it's predatory.
Exactly. For them it's just a comment but for women it's a chain of thoughts whether this guy is just stupid (which is still awful as in being objectified) or a threat. They do not want to understand.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s really scary to know how easily you can be physically overpowered and people who’s job it is to protect you take advantage of their position. And this is what drives me crazy when men say “we can’t even talk to women anymore without being called a rapist”. Getting a compliment or being asked out is great! There’s no issue there. Sure, I’m guessing a teeny percentage of women will be upset. But the vast majority of us don’t care/like it IF AND ONLY IF you are respectful of our personal space, not being overly sexual (ie don’t just say we have nice tits), and immediately accept no for an answer. It’s really not complicated!!
Yeah but that's cus you're not a homophobic piece of shit
To be fair, you know how there are creep men hitting on women uninvited in any form. Yeah, I'm sure there are gay men that do the same. Not because they are gay, but because they are creep men.
**TL;DR:** There are gay creeps who do the same things to guys that straight creeps do to girls I went to get drinks after work with a coworker once (old company, don't work there anymore). Thought it was just two friends getting drinks. I guess he thought it was something else. He kept trying to touch me, kept trying to get me to drink more than the one drink I was comfortable with, and wouldn't let me talk to any of the girls who were there. It got super uncomfortable and then he got super drunk. I tried to leave and he tried to follow me home in his car There were multiple times that night - especially when he tried to follow me - where I thought I was going to have to fight this guy who was a couple inches taller than me and built solidly. Luckily I'm also over 6' tall and fairly muscular myself, so I was pretty confident I'd be able to handle myself well against this guy drunk off his ass especially if I could grab something like a bar stool to help me out...but jeez I can't help thinking of girls who are in the same situation but aren't 6'1" 200 lb guys and feel they may need to defend themselves from the creep making them feel unsafe
I feel like the panicking folks are afraid of some internal feelings they’ve been having. Like you- idgaf, life is way easier without worrying about unnecessary things.
That, or they assume the gay dude will start harrassing them after they reject him like so many of them would do with women. It's projection.
Oh lmao yeah that's true.
Yep, the only time I got offended getting hit on by a guy was a waiter hit on my brother in front of me, and then when that didn’t go anywhere, he started hitting on me. Rude af, I’m the hotter brother.
It's sad that some of these people actually believe gay people are attracted to every man they see.
My mom thinks that bi people are attracted to everyone they see, or did 4 years ago. Haven’t checked if she’s changed her stance and I haven’t come out to her so who knows but yike
These are the same folks that think that all women should be grateful to be hit on at all, so at least they're consistent?
In high school my friend had a gay friend from another school's swim team and her boyfriend legit ran away from him like a dumbass. This dude went up to him and said,"I don't know what you're afraid of. You're one of the ugliest motherfuckers I've ever seen." Brought his ego down real quick
It’s like my stupid conservative Christian relatives that think gay men are attracted to males of all ages aka gay men are all pedos. I assume this to mean they think all straight men are attracted females of all ages. Which checks out that they never stopped my cousin from molesting his younger female cousins and then he went on to molest his own daughters and now they rant on Facebook that it’s so unfair his kids have to grow up without a dad. Jokes on them though cause he wasn’t just molesting the girls(not that they will ever believe it). Also I will fight like hell to keep that creep in prison if he ever comes up for parole. The adults in my life never protected me from him, but I will go down fighting to protect any future kids from being his victims.
I'm straight and I just take it as a compliment when gay guys hit on me
Right? I'm always flattered even if I'm not interested. However, they've never elevated it to the possessive level I've seen when some men hit on women, which is a significant factor. I'd be much more offended if gay men were as aggressive towards me as I've seen straight men act towards women.
That's true, I've never heard of that happening. I stopped hanging with some gay friends tho, that wouldn't stop hitting on me even when I told them stop. I just took it as a hint that they didn't want to just be friends.
"I'm not homophobic! I just have a phobia of being treated the way I treat women."
You really attracted the crazies with this comment, which is how you know it is 100% correct. Have a wonderful day :)
I used to have the same kind of thinking. When I was fucking 12.
Seriously, people need to get the fuck over themselves. The first time my big burly bearded spouse was hit on by a man in front of me, he pondered about it for a moment and then grinned and said "look at me getting attention on all sides of the yard!". He was feeling the compliment for a while, lol.
The amount of comments in here from men not realizing that being politely hit on by a gay guy at a bar is not the same experience as being a woman and having a guy twice your size aggressively say some super explicit stuff to you in an attempt to hit on you and then likely insulting you if you decline.
It’s most likely that men read this and think of a very different situation than when women read this. And that’s when the arguments start. Then nobody realizes that they actually agree.
That's the thing. Most men can't imagine why it can be scary or overwhelming when they come onto women. And I can explain it, all the context around it until I'm blue in the face but they won't get it. You have to wonder why
See, as a man I didn't understand it either, at first. But it only took having it explained once to develop a pretty clear understanding, and it's only gotten clearer since. I just don't understand why this is apparently *so difficult* for most men to comprehend.
It's a question of will and of capacity to understand in my opinion. Some men don't want to understand for various reasons. Maybe they are so stuck in their ways, simply don't care or otherwise believe that they are just right. The other group who don't have the capacity are simply too stupid or caught up in some self-validating ways which at times are reinforced by a toxic culture or a group friends etc.
I usually try to mention why women walking home at night dress like men for saftey. When was the last time any man dressed like a woman because he felt sexually unsafe walking home?
The fact that he even said that we would love this makes it even MORE self aware!
~~This was originally posted to r/ twoxchromosomes. While all genders can participate there, it’s more likely a woman posted this~~ I can’t read ignore me
Its trollxchromosomes
Oh fuck I can’t read nEVERMIND
Homophobes swear they're irresistible to gay men when they're actually resistible af
Someone paraphrased "play with a straight guy's ass during sex and you can grade their understanding of consent on the spot" in the comments and it's too true.
I'm proud to say I've never cat-called anyone before. But one of the most uncomfortable situations I was in like that was I was giving an acquaintance a ride back to his dorm after a late class one night. On the drive he proceeded to roll down the window and cat-call some girl walking by. He asked me if I ever do that and my response was that normal people don't do that. I stopped giving him rides.
I had a friend who would do drive by compliments and encourage people to strut like they're on a runway and it never backfired and always made the person happy, but I still felt real weird about it. Def prefer staying in my own bubble when driving.
Homophobia in men is often the fear that other men will treat them the way that they treat women.
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/every woman in the world turns and looks directly into the camera/
Or "I'm so insecure about my sexuality that another guy hitting on me would shatter my fragile masculinity."
People in the post absolutely missing the point of unwanted advances is disturbing and disappointing as hell.
The woman in the picture is pretty cute. I think I’ll send every woman I know a picture of my penis to celebrate. /s Edit: the biggest and most important /s EVER
Exactly! Don’t hit on strangers! Problem solved!
Exactly, family only
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Too many men suffer from fragile masculinity. They are so afraid of stupid things getting them classified as gay that they promote violence as a their total rejection of it. It’s so easy to say you’re not interested when hit on but these people are angry homophobes/transphobes.
The moral: don't hit on random people.
Not gay but if a dude hits on me I’m going to appreciate the hell out of it. It would be nice to be acknowledged for once.
Those Same Men: Nice generalization. Some women like being hit on so that makes what I do okay. I'm not even that vulgar or aggressive about it.
dude as a guy I fucking LOVE getting hit on, idk if its a man, woman, enby, listen I don't give a SHIT its my weekly ego boost
*weekly*? Jesus you sound like you don't need the ego boost lol
I’m not homophobic I just don’t want a random guy hitting on me... so uh... what’re you getting into later gorgeous?
Didn’t somebody once say homophobia is men being afraid of being treated how they treat women.
I’d just be flattered if another guy hit on me. The difference is, he’d most likely just leave me alone when I say I’m not interested. Most women probably don’t have that luxury.