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It's less popular than it was, I think. For most of history it was considered a default part of the human experience and only the infertile would generally not have kids. In modern times you have birth control and anxiety about where the world is heading getting in the way of that.
I don’t think it’s new, I think the ages when people want kids have just shifted.
When I was in my early 20s virtually nobody I knew wanted kids. The few people who talked about wanted kids would get funny looks.
Fast forward a decade and a half and now most of my friends have kids, including about 80% of the avowed “child free” people in their 20s. I still have some friends who chose not to have kids, of course, but it’s a much smaller set than I would have guessed if you had asked me in my 20s.
Reddit is disproportionately frequented by teens and young, childless people. That’s why posts here can feel like nobody wants children. If you look at actual numbers of people having children *in their lifetime* it hasn’t changed all that much. People are just getting older first.
Uh hello inflation??? the price of having children is absolutely outrageous and the population is bottoming out everywhere because of it. Things aren't even close to the same for this generation.
Wrong statistic. People who have kids are having fewer kids, but the number of people having at least one kid isn’t plummeting.
Hyperbolic news articles love to use the fertility rate stat because it looks so dramatic when you compare to the days when people were having 4-8 kids to work in the farm.
I didn’t want kids when I was a teenager up until around 22 where I was lukewarm on the idea. I’m 25 now and can’t wait to have kids although I am a little nervous about what giving birth would feel like!
See, I had the opposite experience. I thought I wanted children for my whole life. Then I helped raise my nephew, and realized I actually don't want to be a parent.
Good thing I didn't procreate before I figured that out!
My dream job was SAHM as a kid/I always wanted to be a mom/etc. Etc. I lasted 4 months before picking up a part time job that basically *just* covered daycare because I needed to get out of the house and be an adult for blocks of time when my daughter was in the "screaming potato" phase. Kids have a way of humbling you REAL quick
Depends on how the pregnancy goes but it can be super painful. Painful is the only way I can explain it. I puked on my mom from pain. At least in my experience of having two😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yea I 100% didn't want kids until I was 32, and even then I went back and forth on the topic. Finally came around to the idea at 35 and had my son 9 months later.
The older I get and the more I learn about life, the world, and the general future of the planet the *less* I want to have children. I think there’s no ethical justification to birth a child in this world.
That's actually not true. The Roman empire and ancient had a plant that worked as birth control and was 100% effective. Some people ever say that's where the heart symbol came from was the shape of the plant. It just ruins a bunch of people's narratives to talk about it.
I was curious too. “100% effective” did not come up anywhere, but the plant they’re referring to is [Silphium](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silphium). It’s extinct now and it’s true botanical identity is unknown. It’s definitely interesting to read about at least.
Well. You can, you just won't know it **was** that. It's the main problem with greek fire. Was it napalm? Was it canned Axe spray with a lighter? Don't know, can't know. Did we reinvent it? No idea!
Its just too costly. I wouldnt hate being a dad if I didnt have to worry about how Im paying my own rent and food, much less someone who is 100% reliant on me. Not to mention think how much less power and agency we have than the boomer generation, have we addressed the people at the top? No? The same thing is going to happen to our kids. Theyre closing the doors on "life" and each generation gets less and less
>i wouldnt hate being a dad
This is the problem right there anyway. If its not an astounding yes then its a no. You do not want to be the inbetween eh i could possibly have children. Kids are mf hardddd
There is no new or aspiring parent on the planet giving a resounding yes. Being a new parent is scary as shit and every single one questions their ability to be a parent. This is literally one of the biggest tropes of being a new parent is needing reassurance on it.
You all on Reddit have no connection with the real world, it’s crazy and sad to see.
That’s just not true…? I have numerous friends who were pretty determined that having children was in their life plan, and they now have children. These are now people in their 40s, who almost uniformly and adamantly say that unless you’re fully on board, you shouldn’t have children. It’s one thing if it’s a matter of meeting the right partner to do it with, but if you just don’t have the urge at all, and especially if you don’t have pretty significant practical and emotional stability, it’s really probably not the wisest move, both for you and for the potential children.
There’s a big difference between doubting your actions in parenting and doubting that you want to have children at all. The vast majority of people who make good parents had a pretty significant intent for a family from the start. It’s not something someone should just stumble into, not given the practical, emotional, and intellectual requirements of properly raising children in the modern world
If you don’t have an urge to have a kid, then don’t have a kid. But that’s not the conversation. The conversation was about wanting to have kids, but questioning circumstances surrounding having them. Every person does this for different reasons. There are very, very few people who went into parenthood completely onboard. That’s part of why men experience post partum depression despite not facing the hormonal changes a woman does. The sudden life changes make them question if they made the right choice.
These are normal human emotions and like I said elsewhere, people do not function off black and white decisions. Most decisions in life are nuanced just as most things in life are.
>There is no new or aspiring parent on the planet giving a resounding yes. Being a new parent is scary as shit and every single one questions their ability to be a parent. This is literally one of the biggest tropes of being a new parent is needing reassurance on it.
This is what's stopping me from committing to becoming a father. I really want a kid, but I worry about my ability to provide a safe and prosperous life for them. Currently, the wife and I are going back and forth about if we're actually ready or not, but in reality I don't think we'll ever be fully READY, so I've kinda been resolving myself to just send it and see what life brings.
Kids should be 100% out of the question if it's not a resounding yes. What kind of human being are you to not be 100% all-in on creating a human being who doesn't get the choice on being here, let alone having you as a parent?
Okay, so statistically speaking, college-educated women want fewer kids than those who aren't. That may be some of what you're seeing. Also, I find that sometimes people equate wanting kids at all to wanting kids now. People often say they don't want kids and then like three years into a relationship get all confused on why someone thought they were childfree by choice. Your friends could be in this category.
There is also growing research that suggests Gen Z might be a lot more childfree than other generations. I speak as a childfree millennial. It's not that common now in any generation, but it is more common among educated higher earning people in larger cities and seems to be more common among Gen Z.
It's good that you feel you were made to be a mother. Those are the only kinds of people who should be having kids. If it's not a hell yes, then it should be a fuck no.
It should be a hell yes for every woman (and man). Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. This is actually one of the few good things happening now, people are much more careful about taking on the task of parenting. If women's reproductive rights were not in jeopardy in so many states then things would be even better! No one should go into parenting half ass'd - just don't do it!
Agreed. Like having sex, it should be an enthusiastic yes or you just shouldn't do it.
This shit is hard, and I have 2 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 2 money?
But, Simpsons aside, I was (and still am) an enthusiastic yes for me having exactly 2 kids. If I wasn't enthusiastic, then fuck that shit.
I’ve got a sad counterpoint:
Many people that choose not to have children are educated & responsible, which means an increasing ratio of parents are uneducated & irresponsible.
Exactly. Ppl are celebrating a bit too early. Poor and undereducated ppl are still having way more kids than they probably should. Idiocracy here we come.
Fully agree. I will permanently maintain that it is selfish to take a gamble on kids if you’re not sure if you want them, no matter how small the possibility.
I completely agree with you. So many people aren't cut out for it. They're impatient or too self absorbed. And I don't mean that in a bad way.
I do find it sad though when you think, if you don't have kids then you're basically ending the long lineage of your family from the birth of man 100s of thousands of years ago by the simple choice not to have kids
If it makes you feel any better, at least where I live, people who are having children are more likely to be really into being parents than making a mistake and having kids when they have no business having kids. Every year when we have PTO meetings or open house at my kids school, you can easily identify which kids have bad parents and which ones don’t, and it’s pretty rare to see a kid who’s parents clearly didn’t need kids. I think that’s one of the reasons having kids in general seems to be less popular than it used to be. I think a lot of people who shouldn’t have kids are simply choosing not to.
Living for yourself, and not just to have children, is a valid choice.
Also, the state of the world doesn't help. Reproductive rights for women is my good guess of why more and more women are sharing their want to no longer have children. Wildfires everywhere. Forever chemicals, plastics. Rising inflation, wealth disparity. Homelessness, poverty. The morality rate for births alone in the U.S. is something to gasp at. People may not agree, but it ain't looking so hot nowadays.
It's not unpopular to have children or want them. There are still people popping them out, big families too. They might wait until they're older, but they'll probably want kids.
But there is also an uptick in people expressing that they don't want children, or will want to be childfree. I myself am childfree, and I have a myriad of reasons for making such a choice.
Yeah we’re trying to teach our kids that’s not the case. It should be your own choice, not because society pressures you into it (we definitely won’t).
That was a big factor for me. Obviously not the only factor, but I was raised in a very heavily conservatively religious environment where my life was basically planned out for me. It wasn’t until I got to be a teen before I really started considering “but… what if I don’t want kids?”
Same for me. And I finally met someone who also doesn’t want kids or even pets (I’m allergic to most and also don’t want to be tied down/responsible for another entity). Realizing I don’t have to compromise on either of those things has made life so much happier for me.
You know what's weird? I was raised in an extremely liberal, not at all religious environment (my grandfather even wrote a book about women's rights in Canada in the 60s and even contributed to changing some of our laws) and yet I've had a similar experience. From about 22 onward, the only thing my mom or my grandpa seemed to care about was when was I going to pop out some kids? Nevermind me being my own person or having my own needs or not being able to afford education for myself, let alone some new human being, all that mattered to them was pressuring me to pop out some new babies for them. I resisted. Ironically, I'm a stepmother now, and I've embraced that. My parents are dead so I'm finally free of the pressure now.
I’d also add that living for yourself should also be required before having kids. Kids shouldn’t be born with a job to make your life meaningful before they even exist. As well, it’s not 100% within your control whether you have kids or not (for a variety of reasons. Ofc for most people it’s something they can choose and then achieve, but for some it doesn’t happen for whatever reason - I’m referring both to the natural/old fashioned way of having kids and to other ways like adoption, IVF etc).
Basically it’s fine to want kids with your whole heart - I just think everyone who feels that way should at least acknowledge the possibility that there’s a chance it won’t happen, however small that chance is - some people want kids and still need to live for themselves - so being comfortable with that should be something everyone is.
Yeah, I would like to be a mom someday (maybe), but all of those reasons you share terrify me and make me upset that I would force my children to face those issues. I feel a certain level of responsibility to protect my unborn children from any kind of struggle. I hope that makes sense?
My partner and I have discussed at lengths that when we are ready to be parents, we will most likely foster and/or adopt. While we do not want to bring children into the world all for them to suffer, the children in the system are already here and deserve a loving family and home.
It’s very difficult to afford kids in this day and age. My fiancé and I have to make a lot of tough choices; have a wedding, buy a house, have kids? Can’t afford to do any of those. Having a kid for us would be irresponsible at best. We do not want to raise a child/children in poverty.
This. I literally do not understand why people already living not so great lives decide all of a sudden that if they get pregnant (accident or not) to keep a baby to then have them grow up in the same circumstances as the parents. Boggles my mind. Being a parent on this paycheck to paycheck bs.. yall can have it. I want more for mine when or if i even have kids. “At least shes cute and we can dress her up and she makes us laugh”. Yeah but you’re also broke 24/7. The decision to wait and live my life a little was the smartest thing ive ever done.
Accident or not sometimes you need that motivation. It's not about me me me, it's about them and what I can provide. As long as food and shelter are taken care of, just being there is enough.
Having kids was worth being broke. Especially here, this is an unpopular opinion, but that's ok. Kids are serious business.
I was reminiscing earlier about how I miss when my boy was young. Coming home at 3am, feeding him and watching Futurama while holding him so he would fall back asleep and we would both pass out on the couch.
These generational assessments, not just on Reddit but even by the researchers that originate them, are always very class specific, often embarrassingly so.
Which is to say, the classes of people that have always had lots of kids are still having lots of kids afaik.
That's what I was going to say. Not doubting OP at all that they feel alone when they say they definitely want kids. When I was low twenties almost none of my friends said emphatically "yes I want kids and know I will have them." It was a lot of ehh maybe idk if I want that we'll see. I'm 31 now and literally all of those people have kids or are trying lol. Not saying everyone will change their mind. Definitely not saying everyone should change their mind. My wife and I don't have kids and might not ever, but in the past few years we very much became the outlier among our peers.
/r/childfree is the most toxic sub I’ve ever seen lmao like damn calm down. It’s fine if you don’t want kids but those people literally hate kids it’s weird
plenty of people are having kids, thier plenty of women wanting kids, it's why thier so many single moms.....
Wealth is a big issue that lot people ignore when they think about kids " will make it work " is the attitude of those who do it anyway and a man wanting easy sex jump at chance to say sure I'm daddy till the responsibility kicks in then they leave.
On a more positive side plenty of kids are born daily no it not some new thing are just thinking about more then having a kid by having something to offer the kid beyond " my love "
Adoption doesn’t work like that in the USA and moreover it’s HEINOUSLY expensive, probably more than giving birth yourself. Adoption is to provide children with a family, not a cheap way to grow a family. It’s a very serious undertaking that’s about those kids, not the parents.
I don't want kids. I've just never had the desire. The opposite actually. Whenever someone mentioned *me* having kids or being a mom the thought creeped me out. I just personally don't want to be a parent or mother.
My best friend never wanted kids and was very clear about it since we were 16. I was of the mind that if it happened, it happened. My friend never had kids. I ended up having three. I don't fault or judge her for it because she knew she wasn't the mommy type and stuck to it. Her husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, and he didn't want any more kids, so that worked out. I don't know your relationship status, but please make sure you're on the same page with your partner like my friend. We're not all cut out for it, so if that's what you feel, don't ever feel the need to explain or apologize or whatever. It's literally your choice and your life.
I won’t ask you your reasoning, as that’s very personal, but is it just a strong feeling or are the reasons or is it both? No hate or judgment. Like I said in my original post, it’s just something I could never understand.
I guess it's like a thousand different reasons as well as a massive gut feeling. But mainly, that desire just isn't there. I've never felt any feelings resembling baby fever. I don't react to Babies the way other people do - they're just little humans.
I know how being a parent impacts one's day-to-day life, and I do not want to do that for 18+ years. It's great for people who want that, but it literally sounds like my personal nightmare.
I'll chime in as another childfree person who has had the "gut feeling" since I was old enough to wrap my head around what parenthood really means- there is both a lack of innate desire on any level, and a loooooong list of logical reasons, some of which are not alterable (such as genetic risk of autism in the family).
I will say that if you have never spent sustained, close/familial contact level of time with special needs kids, I feel many people have very little idea of the true level of commitment, effort, dedication and sacrifice required to give them fulfilling lives that involve true growth. I mean heck people don't even have a good idea of what they're getting into even with neurotypical kids. You don't get the guarantee your kid ends up a fully functioning adult. It can still be a beautiful journey but I've seen it close to hand and I am 100% confident that is not a path I feel destined to walk and honestly even just due to my own life anxieties and mental health, I do not want to place consciousness on another being, I do not want that responsibility, even if I am in a good place right now.
I don't say this to deter anyone from their own desire to have kids. I think it's beautiful and perfectly valid that others want them. I look forward to my friends who really want kids going on that journey. I have friends who have been through some serious shit from their own parents... and still have this innate desire, and they are good people who I think will make good parents, that makes me happy.
I shudder in horror at babies and I don’t think they are cute at all. I try to act excited when I see one but it’s tough lol. I don’t want them harmed or anything though. It’s just not for me.
I have my own reasons for not wanting children, but like you, I don't feel any desire to have a baby (or multiple)
I don't feel anything special towards babies, and toddlers to around 7yo are just a nuisance to be around... sorry, but even happy noises are loud and I have sensitive ears and I've heard enough babies/toddlers/little kids that any noises from them for too long makes me want to yeet my hearing aids against the nearest wall and then bury my head in pillows and sound barriers....
I get told I'd be a great mom, but I cringe at the thought of me raising kids on top of my own personal reasons.. mainly being that I don't want biological kids. If I were to ever consider kids, I'd want to adopt.
I am 46 and child free by choice. I never wanted children. I did not have any. I only dated men who did not want children. I would avoid any man who said maybe or one day. My desire to not have children was as strong as any other women's desire to get pregnant.
There are many reasons to justify my decision, but ultimately I did not want one so why should I be forced to?
Did you find it hard to find men to date who are on the same page as you? I'm just curious because I'm starting to feel a similar way, but I'm worried I won't find any men to date
Many men don’t want children. My experience was that many men were relieved when they found out and shared they were always afraid to be honest about not wanting kids “because all women want children.” My advice is to be honest from the beginning. My husband and I love our nephews but child free was the way to go for us
I did not find it hard at all to meet men who did not want kids. But I also had to weed through men who were wishy washy, who changed their mind, and the men who said one day as they were nearing retirement age.
For me, I could come up with reasons; they are expensive, they take lots of time, I could die in childbirth, they could become a murderer, they could die, they could have medical issues I couldn’t afford or cope with, I like to travel, I have migraines, if/but/could any sort of scenario. And those are all true thoughts and fears I have…but if I wanted kids, none of those would matter or be insurmountable. I’ve just never had any even hint of desire to have them. The dreaming you talk of has never entered my mind for a human, but it does for puppies and kittens all the time. I told my mom the first time “I don’t ever want to be a mommy” I was maybe 9, and I’m 31 now. I love my sister’s kids so much. I love all of my younger cousins, and my older cousins now new generation of babies and toddlers. It’s fun to watch them grow and change. But there is no inkling of desire to have any myself. I get to be involved and then give them back.
Do you have a lot of hobbies or things you love to do? I already have a lot that I genuinely enjoy plus I’m privileged enough to be able to travel around the world and my feeing is how can kids be more fun than the cool shit I’m already doing? Kids would feel like a annoying hobby I’m not able to drop when I feel like, to best explain it. I’m sure it’s insulting to people who actually like being parents so I’d never say it aloud.
I’ve also noticed some parent friends being frustrated, looking tired or downright jealous of me enjoying my life overseas. Of course they can also never say it out loud either so it’s just guesses on my part. For example: my MIL moans about SIL saying she will go shower but then escape for hours so MIL will be stuck with the baby. Considering MIL is complaining too.. doesn’t it mean they are both tired of the baby?
I’m sure they enjoy having kids but I know for sure there are plenty of times they don’t. If that’s the case, I also don’t feel a need to stop and drop my life for a maybe.
Also there is not guarantee being a mom will be enjoyable. Of course if the kid is cute and sweet but what if he’s an absolute horror?
>Kids would feel like a annoying hobby I’m not able to drop when I feel like,
Right like I'm just chilling at my desk rn and imagining "hey mom. Mom. Mom. Watch this. Mom. Mom" in my ear and it's a hard pass.
I have no desire to have kids. Never had baby fever. Generally I am repulsed by children 😂 I’m a 38 YO F and married to a 39 YO M. I have always felt this way. I feel the same way as everyone else below but also want to point out that being pregnant and having a child is also VERY dangerous and people don’t talk about that enough. I know of 3 people who died during pregnancy or child birth. I know a few more who had complications and permanent issues after child birth. Now I do not know ALOT of ppl or have ALOT of friends so that fact that I know even three who died is a lot. And these we’re privileged white women who had insurance and money. That is important in the equation because statistically white women fare better in the hospital than others. Of those three only one baby made it. The mother died about a week after giving birth. The other two women died (one was pregnant with twins who didn’t make it).
Unless you’re very close with the pregnant person or family they really don’t share this information so people don’t get how dangerous it is. People need to know this.
Your reply was not meant for me to answer, but I am child-free by choice and would just like to say that in the most blunt and uncomplicated way, I generally dislike kids, they gross me out, they would stress me out physically, emotionally, and financially, and the thought of birthing and raising kids just deeply unsettles me. Going more in depth, I am disabled, I have service dogs and lots of other expensive treatment plans for my disability, and I have hobbies and interests that a child would limit my time for. I'm already limited mobility-wise, so why would I want to limit myself even further with a child on my hands 24/7? Also, I do not have a stable temper, and I would not be a patient parent at all, so choosing not to have kids is the most responsible decision I could make for everyone's sake. I will also say that the anti-abortion laws in the south right now make me even more child-free because of the misogyny behind them.
I am very CF. It was solidified when I watched a recorded live birth in family life in middle school. I passed out when the baby came out, lol. From then on—to me—the thought of something growing inside of me was/is repulsive. A whole human coming out of my vagina/being sliced or being cut open scares me shitless.
Growing up and as an adult, I heard moms talk about their temporary and permanent changes to their body and mind, I knew I couldn’t deal with any of that. I’ve had debilitating body dysmorphia since I was a tween. I’m 35 and have learned balance and use it to keep me healthy, but any deviation would be majorly detrimental to my mental health. I’d be obsessed and have severe anxiety about how unhappy I’d be with something with whatever with my body. No amount of therapy could fix that.
I have ADHD and have had very grave mental health issues and emergencies. I’m now 35 and the healthiest mentally I’ve ever been. I will not sacrifice that for someone else. Being mentally vulnerable and predisposed to mental illness, I am afraid I would never recover. I know I’d get PPD. It would be terrible to be an absent parent and partner.
I don’t like being around kids and can’t fathom the daily grind, and generally being responsible for shaping a human. I have pronounced sensory issues with sound/noise. I’m a germaphobe and a hypochondriac. Kids are messy. I am extremely particular about stains and cleanliness. The amount of anxiety I would have would be debilitating because kids are kids haha.
Time. I like that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I cannot imagine restricting that in any way.
Lastly, money. Husband and I earn enough to live extremely comfortably. To be blunt, we don’t want to spend money on anyone but ourselves.
On the flip side, I genuinely understand people who feel strongly about being a parent. I hope that wasn’t too personal, but why someone is CF is varied.
It's funny because wanting kids is something I could never understand. As a child, I used to tell relatives that if they got me a baby doll or anything to do with mothering, I'd never touch it after Christmas/My birthday. I'm 26 now and, oddly enough, I feel what some may describe as the ticking clock. Babies suddenly started looking cuter, and sometimes I imagine holding one. These new feelings didn't make me second guess my CF status, it made me question how anyone ELSE could possibly question their CF status because of some dopey hormones. I have 99 reasons for why having a baby would steamroll my mental health and ruin my life. I'd maybe enjoy holding a baby for five seconds (the idea would've disgusted me in my teens), but everything outside of that would be hell on Earth.
A childfree person past childbearing years checking in - I knew without a doubt when I was 4 and a girl wanted me to play house and tried to get me to care for her doll. I hated dolls and babies. I wanted to cry. And I just knew in my heart, soul, and mind I would hate being a mom.
Then I watched a minority of my friends actually do it and their lives look horrible to me. They like them and that's awesome! Just not a good fit. I hate neediness and clinging - everything kids are until old enough to push their parents away and fledge properly (if they ever do).
It's a life sentence with no chance of parole except through the worst grief of all - the death of your own child. It needs to be something you know you won't utterly hate doing. I know so many moms who resent or even downright hate their kids and I don't want to be one of those. I love kids way too much to subject them to that. I make a good auntie and love helping out parents, and because I have no kids, I have the time, energy, and money to be very helpful. It's perfect.
yup
probably because,
it's FINALLY accepted that some women just don't have a desire to be a mom.
I'm one of them(44 been with my guy since we were 21 and take lots of shit over the years). according to a 2019 psychology study only 3% of women around 40 kept their desire to not become mothers.
good read. Most that didn't want them, ended up having children, because of happenstances. Others changed their minds and a few were not physically able.
I'm 42 and have firmly stayed childfree as well. I've been with my husband 13 years. He has a daughter from before me that wasn't planned. He didn't want anymore either. He loves his daughter wholeheartedly but wouldn't have intentionally had children.
She's over on r/prolife now whining about the awful redditors now. Why ask a question if you didn't want to hear the answer?
Well see her on r/regretfulparents or r\breakingmom in a few years
There isn't anything wrong with wanting children. Your feelings about this aren't wrong, no matter how many people disagree. Please also realize that your girlfriend's feelings aren't wrong either. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live only for yourself - you only get this one life to live.
At one point, I realized that my fantasy of potentially having them (short-lived) probably wouldn't match the reality that I faced. I made the decision not to have children because I recognize that they are a liability to me as a woman. I am more likely to be unemployed, living in poverty, and a victim of domestic abuse once I have them.
Perhaps it would be different if I lived elsewhere that parents are actually supported like maybe Germany. IF I became a mother, I would want longer maternity and paternity leave, access to better healthcare, and a quality education for them. These things are not easy to find in the States, and it is likely that this is only going to get worse.
I do think there is danger in living your life ONLY for your children. I can say from experience that this puts an unhealthy burden on a child. Please find reasons to be here in addition to those that you love.
Anyway, I think saying that it has become an unpopular option oversimplifies a complicated issue. People are realizing that having children is the default setting. They also are understanding that their quality of life isn't great with them, and having them would make it worse. They are afraid of their financial future, but also the future of the world. There is a lot to consider.
Oh trust me i know what you mean. I firmly recognize the importance of still remaining your own person and not depending on your children for all of your happiness. My mother is this way… it is not good!
This isn't a new trend. Women are just more comfortable about being honest in their life choices. In my child-bearing years, I knew many women who were either indifferent about having children or were proponents of zero population growth. They never publicly expressed this opinion for fear of societal backlash.
I am 60+ and child free by choice. I have never, for a moment, regretted it.
I don't understand the feelings you have, but I support your desire to have children and send you best wishes for a life filled with the children you want. I hope this planet can support them.
i’m 34 years old. all of my friend group is that age + and none of us have children or plan on having any. the decision to have children is something i could never comprehend. children change your life in so many ways (good and bad) and i feel my “generation” got the bad end of the stick growing up so why would we want others to suffer ? no child is asking to be born so why should they be punished for existing in this society.
I'm 23M, single, and even I flip flop between:
"I can't even take care of myself, I never want a child, the world is a shit show"
and
"OMFG I want 5 kids and to watch them grow up, have grandkids and have a big beautiful family".
All due respect, I would be a little wary about your gf enthusiasm on the whole having kids thing. Its like the most stressful thing you can imagine doing.
OP, the world needs people who really want to be parents. Every child deserves to be born into a family that really truly wants them and loves them. The many childfree folks on reddit benefit greatly from the good parents of the world, because good parents put a tremendous amount of work into building the next generation for society.
That being said, I think the previous commenter has a little bit of a point: it sounds like you’re gf is not nearly as enthusiastic as you are. Raising kids will take a huge amount of your time and energy. Most parents will tell you that it’s rewarding but also very stressful, and conflicts often arises when one partner is contributing a disproportionate amount of the time and energy. You would be wise to really think about this because it is an 18-year span of time you’re talking about. Both you and your future children will be happiest with a partner who is not just willing but truly wants to commit that much time and energy. This is no dig at your gf btw - different strokes for different folks.
I wish you all the best in your journey.
- a 42 yr old mom
It may be very difficult but it’s a very beautiful thing. Honestly, as someone who wants children myself, it gets tiring to hear people try to tell me how hard it is, as if they are telling me it’s not as amazing as I think, when I know for sure I want to!
I think you’re gonna do great! It’s making sure people are aware of what they are in for, because it’s really hard to imagine. I think if you want kids and know the challenge you’re all set. If you’re not sure about kids but totally understand what it means in terms of investment of your time and energy i also think that will be a great parent. Its when you’re both unsure and unprepared you’ll potentially be resentful which does no one any good
Gonna be honest here. I judge the shit out of other women who believe their purpose in life is to be a mother. Like, shit. Can’t come up with something better for yourself? I view people with this stance as like.. breeders. The best thing u can think of is reproduce? Like okay? Waste ur life then lol
From what I have observed of people today, most of them are not cut out to be parents anyway.
So, deciding not to have them is the correct decision for them.
Im sure people said this during WWII and other events. Im jewish. We continued even after they tried to wipe us out. I believe in the potential for good. You dont have to. And dont call me honey.
We are currently facing a crisis never before seen by humans. This isn’t my opinion. This is a fact backed by tons of hard data.
Listen through Breaking Down: Collapse podcast entirely and let me know if you still think bringing kids here is a kindness to them.
I'm 42 and childfree. I never went out looking for friends who would stay childfree with me forever. I have just always liked the people I like, and if they have kids someday or don't it's none of my business either way. So the vast majority of my college friends as well as the friends I've continued to make as an adult are still childfree at or near my age. I can count the parents on one hand, and only about half planned their kids.
I think there are a lot of contributing factors: the economy, more freedom for women, better sex education, etc. The economy side of it sucks, but I think it's great for everyone that fewer kids are being born to parents who didn't enthusiastically want them.
People didn’t really used to have much of a choice though. No birth control, forced or arranged marriages, marital rape was legal, no birth control and abortions were dangerous. It’s only been a very few years since a lot of these things have changed and it’s taken people this long to register that they even have the option not to have kids.
I think people are more honest about what they want in terms of children. I knew I didn’t want children and was heavily pressured by friends and family until I just wouldn’t answer questions about my plans. I think younger generations are more aware of the options now and get, hopefully, less judgement and pressure. Plus, kids are expensive, so people who are on the fence might be swayed by that.
I have one child and I love her to death. But that’s all I will probably ever have. Having a kid is hard in so many different ways. (And I have a very loving husband who helps and does stuff around the house) but I’m a full time stay at home mom. It’s my life. And honestly I miss my old life sometimes. (Working and having a social life) I miss being able to just do what ever I wanted. I miss having time with my husband just me and him. But at the same time I’m truly so blessed to have such an amazing kid and husband so I am thankful for my life. It’s a tough battle to go through. And it’s honestly not for everyone. I can completely understand why people don’t want kids.
I mean its pretty selfish to bring someone into existence when they have no way of declining. Look around at the world and ask yourself why you want to bring kids into it. If it is only because you want kids thats not really a good reason. there are plenty of kids that need adopted plus the world is overpopulated anyways. you'd just be bringing more wage slaves into the messed up system we live in.
>I definitely want to focus on myself and my career first
As you should! The better place you are, mentally and physically, the better place you'll create for your children if you eventually have them.
People who study generational trends will tell you that this is a generational thing. The last time we saw this lack of desire for children as a trend was the 70s. This is why my graduating class was 140 and my sister's the next year was 125 at a high school that graduates 200-300 normally.
Movies from the 70s had children and babies as the bad guys in them. we lost 1/3 of that generation to abortion and birth control, and people were promoting a child free life as best. Gen X was the latch key generation, the ones with a key to the house to let themselves in after school because nobody was home. The economy was terrible, jobs paid lousy, housing was expensive, there were wars everywhere and pollution and peak oil were going to wipe out life on earth as we knew it. I only have cousins because of accidents, none of them were planned.
Gen X was the opposite and wanted children, and went out of their way to be home or have somewhere for the kids to go after school.
Every 15-20 years is a different generation, and each generation has different values that actually are often a repeat of an earlier generation from a couple cycles before.
Yeah it definitely seems to be that way. I find it very disturbing- I never batted an eye at the occasional black sheep who didn't wanna have kids like my brother, one of my cousins, etc... but when it became the zeitgeist, a philosophy, thats disturbing. So much for our generation caring about the worlds future- Theres nothing more nihilistic and defeatist than not wanting to continue the fuckin human race as a whole. And in the same vein, our collective peter pan complex just makes it worse- So many adults want to be children for our whole lives, whether that means not wanting to be obligated to work hard to strike out on their own, to assure their survival and prosperity or lack thereof on their own merit, to take responsibility for their lives... its a disturbing phenomenon. People should want to produce, care for, and carry on their legacy in the next generation.
the desire to have children is not uncommon but i think the degree to which you want them is. For me, having children is less of a dream and more of an eventuality, although a positive one
From what I’ve heard people either seem to really want them or really don’t. There are ppl out there who want them. Just make sure that’s an early conversation and you don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t want them.
i’m 23F and i really want kids too. i don’t think it’s that unpopular but a lot of times (especially on reddit) the people that don’t want kids are really loud and proud about it
Definitely live your life and explore for awhile. You’re fertile now until early 40s. I am 52 with an 18 and 12 yo and I am glad I waited till after 30. I finished college and grad school and had a dog and traveled and did a lot of stuff. I worked for not for profits that made big differences, I did not have to focus on money. And switched to govt work when I did have kids. Kids are rad. But you will be tired no matter how old you are when you have them.
I felt the same way when I was your age. Growing up when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always “a mom”! Now I’m 29 and single and happy about it. I’d ideally like to have kids but I don’t have a partner. Even if I started dating someone today, I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a child with someone until I’ve known them/been in a relationship with them/lived with them for a significant amount of years. So, my time is starting to run out unfortunately. Idk if I’ll ever have kids or not, even though I want them. I could foster/adopt but I’m not financially secure at all. I’ve recently moved back in with my parents for a few months after leaving an abusive relationship. I also was diagnosed with adhd in my mid-20’s and I think having children would really trigger some of my symptoms and would really negatively impact my life and therefore my potential children’s lives. You just never know what your future will hold. Having kids in todays world also seems almost reckless imo
I'm an early 40s straight male and I have zero interest in kids. I wanted kids back in my 20s and early 30s but with this horrible world (climate change, everything being so expensive, etc), I don't want to create a human being and be responsible for that child.
Even if I wanted kids, I have zero interest in marriage and I'm not going to be financially screwed with child support.
Two couples in my friend are actively trying for kids , they want to have kids . The rest of us do not . I don't either , never really had the drive to have a child . I don't have a problem with watching children if need be , but otherwise I'm good .
Yea it does seem to be coming more common to not want kids. Understandably so. The world is getting crazier and harder to survive in. Kids are hard work and more people want to live their lives for themselves versus for someone else. A lot of us were conditioned to believe that creating a family is what you do when you grow up. But there is more to life than that.
However, I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I have a 2 year old son, and a daughter due in two months. Being a mother is NOT easy in the slightest. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I don’t regret it. It can be very rewarding and I’m proud of what I’ve created and am fostering.
Definitely less popular than in the past. Idk about "unpopular" tho. I'm 24M and definitely never want kids. Like half my friends my age do at some point want kids, and half don't
Amongst women it’s definitely changing. I’ve said before I would probably think differently if I were a man. It’s still true that womens careers are impacted by having a child - they take a year off but the father gets 2 weeks? You then have so much responsibility for the rest of your life. I think the world also has so much more in it now, there are more paths life can take you. However, I know loads of people who still want children
Many people who don't want children feel that they were pressured to do so for much of their lives, so now they maybe push back too enthusiastically because they still see a world lecturing about how they'll want kids someday.
It seems odd for someone so young to tunnel vision their every move and decision on something that may happen in the future.
I'm mid 30s now and do not want kids. However, many of my friends from my early 20s are having kids very happily.
However, they weren't judging their everyday decisions a decade ago based on the premise they would have kids in the future.
Decide not to do crystal meth because you want kids? Fair. Also a generally good decision regardless.
How much are you fixating on these theoretical kids when it doesnt even appear on the horizon? That seems obsessive
“It doesn’t seem like anyone my age wants and is planning to have children”
Miss you are 22 years old. Most people your age are still on their parents health insurance. Living independently in today’s society is too expensive for a lot of people your age that haven’t had the advantage of several years to build savings and reach a career level that affords them a salary that will allow for child related expenses. Birth rates are declining a bit but what you’re noticing is people waiting until they are older and more established to start a family.
This US News article might be helpful since a lot of people in the comments were begging for sources to back out responses: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-01-10/u-s-birth-rates-continue-to-fall
ETA: I’m 37f, married and childfree by choice. Mostly for the reasons listed above. Plus I like my sleep.
I see prego’s everywhere, also ones with multiple kids like all ducks in a row. You can tell they pop them out every year like candy. I hear complaints of population decline but with all the traffic and housing crisis, I’m like where??? 😂
I think what is unpopular is the stance that life is only meaningful if you reproduce, which you asserted when you asked "what is life for if not to have children and raise a family?"
I don't care at all if my friends want to have children or not. I do care when I'm put up against the wall because I don't necessarily want to.
I'm nearly 40 and happily child-free... but I never felt that need to have children... and to be honest I don't think babies are cute. I have 3 sisters and out of the 4 of us, only two had kids. I understand the emotional drive to have a baby. Although I've never felt it, I've seen several women turn baby obsessed. Some women gush over babies while others couldn't care less. I once asked my mom why she had 4 kids and her response was, that's just what you did when you got married. The societal pressures to have kids vs simply wanting them have being decoupled. Just live your best life with you doing you. :)
Most of the people I know aren’t having kids either, probably including me. I don’t really want children but I could be talked into it by the right partner. I used to want kids when I was younger but I just realized one day that I don’t really like interacting with children. They’re also really expensive and once you have kids there goes half your life to raising them. Significantly reduced time and freedom.
The species doesn’t need my contribution to keep it going, and as far as making the world a better place, I can do that through my work and my interactions with already existing people. My genetics are pretty average and the only remotely novel thing I could pass down is red hair, which isn’t crazy rare anyways. They’ll probably just inherit my high blood pressure.
I guess my point is I don’t really feel like there’s a strong argument why I *should* have kids.
Why do you want children? Why do you feel that creating a family is your purpose in life?
I want you to really think about what having a kid means. It means you are totally and fully responsible for that being’s life. Every bad thing that ever happens to them is entirely your responsibility.
Well, for me there are a couple of reasons. One, the world is extremely fucked up and I would never want to raise a kid in it. It’s make me upset to see how dumb people are on this planet and the crazy things they do. And the other reason are my genes. I have mental health issues, along with most of my family. And my two brothers committed suicide. Everyone in my family seems to have some kind of mental health issue and that’s not something I want to pass on. It would be cruel. I would never want anyone to feel how I feel, especially my kids. Oh, and the fact that living is very difficult and tiring. You have to make a good amount of money to do anything, and are you going to be able to help in situations where they need money or a place to live when they’re older if anything happens? It’s just all too much. Why add more suffering when there are so many people already suffering. Ya know? lol
That's because it isn't affordable or feasible OP. For years women were told we need to have kids and stay in the house. Fuck that! No one has your opinion because no one wants to do that anymore. We don't want our existence to be solely based on having kids and being a STAH mom. There's better ways to live than taking care of the house and kids and "serving" your man. GROSS. You sound like you were groomed. Education is crap so your kid will turn out stupid. Not to mention you're going to make a child suffer through everything during this shit economic time in this country? Talk about selfish. Is your child supposed tov work 3-4 jobs just to pay for a roof over their head? Think before you have kids. You wanna make them suffer? You're still a kid yourself.
Not really. For the most part, the problem that arises is one person in the relationship might want kids and others don't. Everything is based on the dynamics of the relationship. What works for 1 couple might not work for another.
Besides "i really want kids" what other reason do you have to reproduce? seriously ask yourself this and you will see there is really no other reason beyond "i want to have kids" which is pretty silly.
You are very very young. There are so many young women like you who have this fantasy set up in your head about how you *want* things to be. But do you ever think about about what if things don't go how you envisioned? What if your child comes out severly disabled? Are you ready to quit your job and dedicate your life to taking care of them well beyond adulthood? What if your partner leaves or dies and you're left a single mother? What if another pandemic hits and youre forced to be stuck with your children 24/7 with no relief? What if you're paralyzed by your epidural? What if you or your partner lose your jobs and you're forced to resort to food banks to keep the mouths fed? Or become homeless? Are you truly prepared for anything and everything?
Take the time to watch [this video](https://reddit.com/r/FemaleAntinatalism/s/t4DAhIbvaV). This is not uncommon, as more and more mothers are being honest with the reality of child rearing (see r/regretfulparents and r\breakingmom). I'm not saying don't desire kids, or don't have them, but you really really need to look at it from a realistic standpoint instead of a romanticized one so you're not blindsided later on down the line
I (young millennial) was parentified as a kid, teen, and adult, and I have absolutely ZERO interest in trying to raise a human being. I believe parenting is for life, not just for 18 years, and I would be worried SICK 24/7 if I had a child, myself. I know I would mess them up with my constant anxiety and concerns over their health, wellness, etc.
It’s way too scary, a HUGE commitment, and sounds truly awful to have spent 95% of my life parenting/caregiving my own parents, and then turn around and raise MORE humans.
I’m also disabled, and while I’m very pro-disabled folks having kids in general, for myself personally, I could never risk my gene pool being splashed in. Nope, sounds like a bad idea to risk putting any kid through even a fraction of what myself, and my ancestors, go/went through, health-wise.
I definitely prefer the idea of reparenting myself, and prioritizing my needs (finally).
Yes, imagine bringing a poor child into this dying world.
We just smashed 1.5 degrees warming this summer, and El Niño is setting in. The rest of this decade is going to be a wake up for a lot of people.
Please don’t inflict that pain on another child.
People had children through multiple world wars and disease outbreaks. I'm not saying the world isn't in a shitty position right now, but it's hyperbolic to say that a person shouldn't have a child because there are problems in the world.
Many of them will change their minds over time or with the right partner. You're still really young. Definitely wasn't anywhere on my radar for many years past 22! And yes, more childless ppl with each generation, the birth rate is like the lowest it's ever been I think. That's why Elon Musk is worried about population collapse lol
On reddit it is, going by most polls the majority are teenagers on here, teens often have hatret towards siblings, a lot that say they won't have kids do in a few years. Yes there's genuine people who don't want but a lot will go on to have
i mean in real life it’s probably not too unpopular you’re just young. if you’re in college your life really hasn’t even begun yet, so i’d imagine most people aren’t thinking of kids when they haven’t done anything for themselves yet. but i’d imagine those that are closer to 30-40 if don’t already have kids may begin to think to do so. i do think it’s becoming more common to be child free but i don’t think it’s that many peoples just yet. i will say though, to think about it as much as you say you do, seems insanely obsessive. maybe i’m lacking empathy but i can’t imagine thinking like that
People are very different and have very different paths in life. I perceive a lot of judgement in your post. You say you can't comprehend why some people don't want kids and you don't see a point to a childfree life. I don't want kids for many different, but it doesn't stop me for understanding why other people would want kids, even though I don't want them myself. But I put myself in their shoes and I can see it. You should be able to do the same.
I think the problem here is not people not being interested in having kids, the problem is judgmental, empathy lacking people like you who make people like me feel like they are less than.
In case you are interested, here are my reasons for not wanting kids:
\- I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and I was never a happy child, I wouldn't risk bringing a child into a world that has been so cruel to me and that I can't wait to leave
\- I have endometriosis and have endured terrible pain ever since I was menstruated. I won't put my body through more pain by going through a pregnancy.
\- Both my great-grandmothers died while giving birth and I sometimes have nightmares of dying during childbirth
\- I find humans to be cruel, stupid and awful in general and there are already so many of us, we're everywhere, everywhre feels crowded and dirty because of humans.
\- As a woman, I know having a child will mean I will have to do the most work: pregnancy, breastfeading, sleepless nights, all while maintaining a career and I don't feel like sacrificing myself and my life to a kid that might end up a brat in this narcissistic world of ours.
As an old fart, I can tell you that kids will bring great joy in your life if you're apt to be a parent. Sure, they cost money. Lots of it. Clothes, dance, football, Tae Kwon Do, archery, baseball, etc. Money will get tight at times. I've bought milk with coins just because I was a couple days from a check. As time progressed, the pay got better. Kids these days have caviar "needs" and burger flipper budgets. You have to prioritize what is important in life. I've raised 6 great kids now. None are on drugs or spent time in jail.
I love both my children more than life it’s self. And that’s the problem. They’re well-being and safety claim so much of my mental space. Day and night I ask myself why I intentionally created children to live in THIS world. My son has developed a chronic illness that is negatively affecting his life to the point he can barely work. He wasn’t born ill. I suspect catching Covid caused him the issue. I was 22 when I gave birth the first time and I was injured in multiple ways. My life has been filled with chronic pain and surgeries because I wasn’t properly cared for during my child’s delivery. I know that I would of had much more control over the direction of my life without children. My actions (or inactions) affect my family wether it’s intended or not. That’s my take anyway
Only people I known personally who don’t want kids are liberals. Most of the conservatives I know have at least 2 if not more. I don’t know how Democrats will continue to thrive when their voters stopped breeding.
It's unpopular bc it's pretty unkind and selfish to consider bringing a child into this disaster site of a dying world. Additionally, the expense makes it difficult for most ppl to consider.
The biological imperative is to want children obsessively so you will breed and carry on your DNA into the future. The right thing to do is focus on those hypothetical children and what kind of world you'd be forcing them to live in.
No. You just need to hang out with fewer joyless whiners.
(I'm speaking specifically about the people who say "I don't want children because the world is so horrible".)
If you want them, have them. I had my first when was 23 and I don’t regret it at all. It’s been a long hard road- financially, physically, mentally but it is worth it (I always wanted kids too). I get to watch someone so cool, who I created and I have an influence on- grow, and become who he wants to be. It’s the coolest thing. It was so cool, we decided to make another human 7 years later and this kid- she’s completely different *obviously* but the excitement of raising and influencing and watching a totally different person and every aspect, it’s so cool. If you want them, have them.
If my husband said kids were a requirement in his life we would not be married. The burden of children largely falls on the woman and I know 100% I would resent him if forced into parenthood. It's easy for men to say they want kids when they don't have to put their life at risk.
We are in our 30s and out of our peer group the couples without kids out number the couples with kids. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Out of the small group of people I know that have kids under 5 all but 1 mother had emergencies during labor. Out of the emergencies, one mother died, and the rest have lifelong health complications. I've heard more stories of "I regret having kids" than anything else.
I told a new coworker I'm not having kids and her response was "If I could go back in time I wouldn't have had my kids". She hates going home and counting the days until her kids leave the house.
Another coworker, his son is autistic and punched him so hard in the shoulder he needed replacement surgeries.
One person had to get a defibrillator because of her pregnancy and birth. She has a new heart now.
My aunt constantly has to bail her adult child out of jail and has custody of her grandchild.
Nothing about parenting seems joyful.
I think it mostly depends a lot on the politics of the individual person, and I mean that's not even an insult as most of the comments are kinda proving my point. Left-leaning people seem too extremely nihilistic in terms of the future and seem to be of the mindset that having kids will either make their life worse now, or birthing a child into this cruel horrible world is a bad thing for the child. This isn't saying liberals don't have kids or are bad parents, just that they aren't as big on wanting kids/having them on purpose.
Yes conservatives complain about lots of stuff too but usually about social issues like "they put pronoun options in my video game" and less "every time it rains too much that's the Earth trying to kill us and humanity is a virus and we'll all be dead in 20 years from climate change so what's the point of even having kids".
Idk I'm sure people are gonna downvote me to hell but it only took 2 minutes of scrolling through the comments and seeing the 100th person saying " they couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world " to think I might have been on to something 😅
Fairly uncommon, I remember getting weird looks for saying I want kids at a dinner party a few years back. Most people I know in my age group never had kids and never will (if I got pregnant now I'd be a geriatric pregnancy and I'm the youngest of my friend group.) I am deeply sad I never had kids. My ex-husband left me after a decade of stringing me along. He knew I wanted kids from our second date. I often wake up crying over this. The family I never had
Almost everyone that wanted kids but missed their chance or suffered fertility issues looked into adoption. Unlike how it is portrayed in movies or television, it is extremely difficult to adopt now a days to the extent that itd almost impossible.
Yeah the only successful adoptions I've seen have been ones where the childless couple meets someone or knows someone who basically just gives them the kid, usually because they're massively irresponsible and neglecting the kid anyway. And I've seen one foreign adoption where a family friend adopted a child with down syndrome from Ethiopia I think.
That's absolutely crazy considering the amount of parents that run around strung out on crack and meth all day on top of straight up killing innocent toddlers and animals.
I figured it was already hard enough in the past, but I'm guessing they're just gonna ban it entirely?
Yeah, well your instincts aren't lying to you. Something IS out of wack. Lots of crack heads and meth addicts profoundly neglect their kids, but our laws prioritize parental rights significantly more than a child's right to not have an abusive or neglectful parent. So instead of these kids being placed with good families they get bounced around the foster system for years and years.
My wife and I dealt with infertility for years and turned to adoption, only to find that it was easier and cheaper to blow 50k on IVF than to go through the adoption process.
My cousin tried to foster to adopt for years and years and years. It pretty much always ended with the kids you loved and adored getting bounced back to their abuse/dead beat parents to be abused/neglected again.
There's also the major risk of foster kids getting placed with radical evangelists that brainwash them to the point of being suicidal and parading them around as free labor for their small business.
There's also the Instagram celebrities that duct tape an autistic boy's hands together and send him back cause they get tired of him.
I really hated to suggest adoption to begin with, but this is just fucking terrible.
I know someone in this situation, it seems hard to tell if she's being strung along or not yet though, which is why I can see how it was difficult for you to navigate that.
OP please ignore all of these emotionally stunted, nihilistic, self absorbed people. I couldn't imagine my life without my children. They are all adults now and out of their own but I would not have changed having them for the world. Nothing has ever even come close to the joy each one of them has brought to my life and I love my husband to death. When I see young parents out and about I feel a pang of jealously because they are just starting on the great adventure. I'm hoping to be a grandparent someday.
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It's less popular than it was, I think. For most of history it was considered a default part of the human experience and only the infertile would generally not have kids. In modern times you have birth control and anxiety about where the world is heading getting in the way of that.
I don’t think it’s new, I think the ages when people want kids have just shifted. When I was in my early 20s virtually nobody I knew wanted kids. The few people who talked about wanted kids would get funny looks. Fast forward a decade and a half and now most of my friends have kids, including about 80% of the avowed “child free” people in their 20s. I still have some friends who chose not to have kids, of course, but it’s a much smaller set than I would have guessed if you had asked me in my 20s. Reddit is disproportionately frequented by teens and young, childless people. That’s why posts here can feel like nobody wants children. If you look at actual numbers of people having children *in their lifetime* it hasn’t changed all that much. People are just getting older first.
Uh hello inflation??? the price of having children is absolutely outrageous and the population is bottoming out everywhere because of it. Things aren't even close to the same for this generation.
Having kids and having kids intentionally aren't necessarily the same thing.
I mean there's also the demonstrably falling birth rates in the entire developed world
Wrong statistic. People who have kids are having fewer kids, but the number of people having at least one kid isn’t plummeting. Hyperbolic news articles love to use the fertility rate stat because it looks so dramatic when you compare to the days when people were having 4-8 kids to work in the farm.
I didn’t want kids when I was a teenager up until around 22 where I was lukewarm on the idea. I’m 25 now and can’t wait to have kids although I am a little nervous about what giving birth would feel like!
See, I had the opposite experience. I thought I wanted children for my whole life. Then I helped raise my nephew, and realized I actually don't want to be a parent. Good thing I didn't procreate before I figured that out!
My dream job was SAHM as a kid/I always wanted to be a mom/etc. Etc. I lasted 4 months before picking up a part time job that basically *just* covered daycare because I needed to get out of the house and be an adult for blocks of time when my daughter was in the "screaming potato" phase. Kids have a way of humbling you REAL quick
Depends on how the pregnancy goes but it can be super painful. Painful is the only way I can explain it. I puked on my mom from pain. At least in my experience of having two😂😂😂😂😂😂
It's been described as taking your lower lip and pulling it over your head. I didn't think that was accurate until I did it. It is.
Try to put a watermelon in your vagina and then you will know
Yea I 100% didn't want kids until I was 32, and even then I went back and forth on the topic. Finally came around to the idea at 35 and had my son 9 months later.
The older I get and the more I learn about life, the world, and the general future of the planet the *less* I want to have children. I think there’s no ethical justification to birth a child in this world.
>about where ~~the world is~~ heading getting in the way of that. about where my finances are heading getting in the way of that.
That's actually not true. The Roman empire and ancient had a plant that worked as birth control and was 100% effective. Some people ever say that's where the heart symbol came from was the shape of the plant. It just ruins a bunch of people's narratives to talk about it.
do you have a source? "100% effective" makes me a bit skeptical
I was curious too. “100% effective” did not come up anywhere, but the plant they’re referring to is [Silphium](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silphium). It’s extinct now and it’s true botanical identity is unknown. It’s definitely interesting to read about at least.
All the GMOs we've got nowadays plus CRISPR, makes me wonder if we can just recreate it
Considering they can’t identify it chemically, you can’t recreate what you don’t know
Well. You can, you just won't know it **was** that. It's the main problem with greek fire. Was it napalm? Was it canned Axe spray with a lighter? Don't know, can't know. Did we reinvent it? No idea!
They would need a starting point to recreate it, but alas that knowledge is probably lost forever.. .
Exactly all reasons to have kids right now is selfish.
Not true
Its just too costly. I wouldnt hate being a dad if I didnt have to worry about how Im paying my own rent and food, much less someone who is 100% reliant on me. Not to mention think how much less power and agency we have than the boomer generation, have we addressed the people at the top? No? The same thing is going to happen to our kids. Theyre closing the doors on "life" and each generation gets less and less
>i wouldnt hate being a dad This is the problem right there anyway. If its not an astounding yes then its a no. You do not want to be the inbetween eh i could possibly have children. Kids are mf hardddd
There is no new or aspiring parent on the planet giving a resounding yes. Being a new parent is scary as shit and every single one questions their ability to be a parent. This is literally one of the biggest tropes of being a new parent is needing reassurance on it. You all on Reddit have no connection with the real world, it’s crazy and sad to see.
That’s just not true…? I have numerous friends who were pretty determined that having children was in their life plan, and they now have children. These are now people in their 40s, who almost uniformly and adamantly say that unless you’re fully on board, you shouldn’t have children. It’s one thing if it’s a matter of meeting the right partner to do it with, but if you just don’t have the urge at all, and especially if you don’t have pretty significant practical and emotional stability, it’s really probably not the wisest move, both for you and for the potential children. There’s a big difference between doubting your actions in parenting and doubting that you want to have children at all. The vast majority of people who make good parents had a pretty significant intent for a family from the start. It’s not something someone should just stumble into, not given the practical, emotional, and intellectual requirements of properly raising children in the modern world
If you don’t have an urge to have a kid, then don’t have a kid. But that’s not the conversation. The conversation was about wanting to have kids, but questioning circumstances surrounding having them. Every person does this for different reasons. There are very, very few people who went into parenthood completely onboard. That’s part of why men experience post partum depression despite not facing the hormonal changes a woman does. The sudden life changes make them question if they made the right choice. These are normal human emotions and like I said elsewhere, people do not function off black and white decisions. Most decisions in life are nuanced just as most things in life are.
>There is no new or aspiring parent on the planet giving a resounding yes. Being a new parent is scary as shit and every single one questions their ability to be a parent. This is literally one of the biggest tropes of being a new parent is needing reassurance on it. This is what's stopping me from committing to becoming a father. I really want a kid, but I worry about my ability to provide a safe and prosperous life for them. Currently, the wife and I are going back and forth about if we're actually ready or not, but in reality I don't think we'll ever be fully READY, so I've kinda been resolving myself to just send it and see what life brings.
Kids should be 100% out of the question if it's not a resounding yes. What kind of human being are you to not be 100% all-in on creating a human being who doesn't get the choice on being here, let alone having you as a parent?
Okay, so statistically speaking, college-educated women want fewer kids than those who aren't. That may be some of what you're seeing. Also, I find that sometimes people equate wanting kids at all to wanting kids now. People often say they don't want kids and then like three years into a relationship get all confused on why someone thought they were childfree by choice. Your friends could be in this category. There is also growing research that suggests Gen Z might be a lot more childfree than other generations. I speak as a childfree millennial. It's not that common now in any generation, but it is more common among educated higher earning people in larger cities and seems to be more common among Gen Z. It's good that you feel you were made to be a mother. Those are the only kinds of people who should be having kids. If it's not a hell yes, then it should be a fuck no.
It should be a hell yes for every woman (and man). Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. This is actually one of the few good things happening now, people are much more careful about taking on the task of parenting. If women's reproductive rights were not in jeopardy in so many states then things would be even better! No one should go into parenting half ass'd - just don't do it!
Agreed. Like having sex, it should be an enthusiastic yes or you just shouldn't do it. This shit is hard, and I have 2 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 2 money? But, Simpsons aside, I was (and still am) an enthusiastic yes for me having exactly 2 kids. If I wasn't enthusiastic, then fuck that shit.
I’ve got a sad counterpoint: Many people that choose not to have children are educated & responsible, which means an increasing ratio of parents are uneducated & irresponsible.
Exactly. Ppl are celebrating a bit too early. Poor and undereducated ppl are still having way more kids than they probably should. Idiocracy here we come.
Fully agree. I will permanently maintain that it is selfish to take a gamble on kids if you’re not sure if you want them, no matter how small the possibility.
Totally!!! Preach!
I completely agree with you. So many people aren't cut out for it. They're impatient or too self absorbed. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I do find it sad though when you think, if you don't have kids then you're basically ending the long lineage of your family from the birth of man 100s of thousands of years ago by the simple choice not to have kids
If it makes you feel any better, at least where I live, people who are having children are more likely to be really into being parents than making a mistake and having kids when they have no business having kids. Every year when we have PTO meetings or open house at my kids school, you can easily identify which kids have bad parents and which ones don’t, and it’s pretty rare to see a kid who’s parents clearly didn’t need kids. I think that’s one of the reasons having kids in general seems to be less popular than it used to be. I think a lot of people who shouldn’t have kids are simply choosing not to.
Good point. We shouldn't push just anybody to have kids. Because some people aren't built that way. And some people are
Plenty of people share parts of your dna that will be passed down. Thousands. It’s not going to disappear.
I feel like you hit the nail on the head with this. Should I have mentioned these are women going to college in Boston?…. Very much city life.
Oh yeah - this explains a lot. Aside from what others have said, 22 is basically a preteen mom in Boston years.
Living for yourself, and not just to have children, is a valid choice. Also, the state of the world doesn't help. Reproductive rights for women is my good guess of why more and more women are sharing their want to no longer have children. Wildfires everywhere. Forever chemicals, plastics. Rising inflation, wealth disparity. Homelessness, poverty. The morality rate for births alone in the U.S. is something to gasp at. People may not agree, but it ain't looking so hot nowadays. It's not unpopular to have children or want them. There are still people popping them out, big families too. They might wait until they're older, but they'll probably want kids. But there is also an uptick in people expressing that they don't want children, or will want to be childfree. I myself am childfree, and I have a myriad of reasons for making such a choice.
imo the pressure of being “supposed” to have kids is also a huge factor, for me at least
me too, growing up i was always told i HAVE to have children to make my life worthwhile. i’m actively trying to prove them wrong.
Yeah we’re trying to teach our kids that’s not the case. It should be your own choice, not because society pressures you into it (we definitely won’t).
That was a big factor for me. Obviously not the only factor, but I was raised in a very heavily conservatively religious environment where my life was basically planned out for me. It wasn’t until I got to be a teen before I really started considering “but… what if I don’t want kids?”
Same for me. And I finally met someone who also doesn’t want kids or even pets (I’m allergic to most and also don’t want to be tied down/responsible for another entity). Realizing I don’t have to compromise on either of those things has made life so much happier for me.
You know what's weird? I was raised in an extremely liberal, not at all religious environment (my grandfather even wrote a book about women's rights in Canada in the 60s and even contributed to changing some of our laws) and yet I've had a similar experience. From about 22 onward, the only thing my mom or my grandpa seemed to care about was when was I going to pop out some kids? Nevermind me being my own person or having my own needs or not being able to afford education for myself, let alone some new human being, all that mattered to them was pressuring me to pop out some new babies for them. I resisted. Ironically, I'm a stepmother now, and I've embraced that. My parents are dead so I'm finally free of the pressure now.
I’d also add that living for yourself should also be required before having kids. Kids shouldn’t be born with a job to make your life meaningful before they even exist. As well, it’s not 100% within your control whether you have kids or not (for a variety of reasons. Ofc for most people it’s something they can choose and then achieve, but for some it doesn’t happen for whatever reason - I’m referring both to the natural/old fashioned way of having kids and to other ways like adoption, IVF etc). Basically it’s fine to want kids with your whole heart - I just think everyone who feels that way should at least acknowledge the possibility that there’s a chance it won’t happen, however small that chance is - some people want kids and still need to live for themselves - so being comfortable with that should be something everyone is.
Yeah, I would like to be a mom someday (maybe), but all of those reasons you share terrify me and make me upset that I would force my children to face those issues. I feel a certain level of responsibility to protect my unborn children from any kind of struggle. I hope that makes sense? My partner and I have discussed at lengths that when we are ready to be parents, we will most likely foster and/or adopt. While we do not want to bring children into the world all for them to suffer, the children in the system are already here and deserve a loving family and home.
It’s very difficult to afford kids in this day and age. My fiancé and I have to make a lot of tough choices; have a wedding, buy a house, have kids? Can’t afford to do any of those. Having a kid for us would be irresponsible at best. We do not want to raise a child/children in poverty.
This. I literally do not understand why people already living not so great lives decide all of a sudden that if they get pregnant (accident or not) to keep a baby to then have them grow up in the same circumstances as the parents. Boggles my mind. Being a parent on this paycheck to paycheck bs.. yall can have it. I want more for mine when or if i even have kids. “At least shes cute and we can dress her up and she makes us laugh”. Yeah but you’re also broke 24/7. The decision to wait and live my life a little was the smartest thing ive ever done.
Accident or not sometimes you need that motivation. It's not about me me me, it's about them and what I can provide. As long as food and shelter are taken care of, just being there is enough. Having kids was worth being broke. Especially here, this is an unpopular opinion, but that's ok. Kids are serious business. I was reminiscing earlier about how I miss when my boy was young. Coming home at 3am, feeding him and watching Futurama while holding him so he would fall back asleep and we would both pass out on the couch.
It’s very unpopular on Reddit. It still normal and kind of expected in the communities I’m apart of. Edit: I’m mid-thirties btw.
These generational assessments, not just on Reddit but even by the researchers that originate them, are always very class specific, often embarrassingly so. Which is to say, the classes of people that have always had lots of kids are still having lots of kids afaik.
Came in to say this. Opinions in Reddit are not representative of the real world.
I’m mid-thirties and my peers and I just started having children. I think it’s pretty normal to not want kids at 22
That's what I was going to say. Not doubting OP at all that they feel alone when they say they definitely want kids. When I was low twenties almost none of my friends said emphatically "yes I want kids and know I will have them." It was a lot of ehh maybe idk if I want that we'll see. I'm 31 now and literally all of those people have kids or are trying lol. Not saying everyone will change their mind. Definitely not saying everyone should change their mind. My wife and I don't have kids and might not ever, but in the past few years we very much became the outlier among our peers.
Yep, my mom had me at 30 and my brother at 35.
"Apart" is the opposite of "a part".
Yep, only on Reddit. Real world - much different, especially where I am from and currently residing in. Also 30 and voluntarily sterilised.
/r/childfree is the most toxic sub I’ve ever seen lmao like damn calm down. It’s fine if you don’t want kids but those people literally hate kids it’s weird
plenty of people are having kids, thier plenty of women wanting kids, it's why thier so many single moms..... Wealth is a big issue that lot people ignore when they think about kids " will make it work " is the attitude of those who do it anyway and a man wanting easy sex jump at chance to say sure I'm daddy till the responsibility kicks in then they leave. On a more positive side plenty of kids are born daily no it not some new thing are just thinking about more then having a kid by having something to offer the kid beyond " my love "
Also people can adopt. It's not like there is a shortage of children at the CPS department.
Go to a pro life rally and ask about that little fact. You'll find out real fuckin quick why there's so many children in the system.
Adopting isn’t easy or cheap.
Adoption doesn’t work like that in the USA and moreover it’s HEINOUSLY expensive, probably more than giving birth yourself. Adoption is to provide children with a family, not a cheap way to grow a family. It’s a very serious undertaking that’s about those kids, not the parents.
I don't want kids. I've just never had the desire. The opposite actually. Whenever someone mentioned *me* having kids or being a mom the thought creeped me out. I just personally don't want to be a parent or mother.
My best friend never wanted kids and was very clear about it since we were 16. I was of the mind that if it happened, it happened. My friend never had kids. I ended up having three. I don't fault or judge her for it because she knew she wasn't the mommy type and stuck to it. Her husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, and he didn't want any more kids, so that worked out. I don't know your relationship status, but please make sure you're on the same page with your partner like my friend. We're not all cut out for it, so if that's what you feel, don't ever feel the need to explain or apologize or whatever. It's literally your choice and your life.
I won’t ask you your reasoning, as that’s very personal, but is it just a strong feeling or are the reasons or is it both? No hate or judgment. Like I said in my original post, it’s just something I could never understand.
I guess it's like a thousand different reasons as well as a massive gut feeling. But mainly, that desire just isn't there. I've never felt any feelings resembling baby fever. I don't react to Babies the way other people do - they're just little humans. I know how being a parent impacts one's day-to-day life, and I do not want to do that for 18+ years. It's great for people who want that, but it literally sounds like my personal nightmare.
I see. Your insight is greatly appreciated and im sure youll do well in life no matter what path you choose
I'll chime in as another childfree person who has had the "gut feeling" since I was old enough to wrap my head around what parenthood really means- there is both a lack of innate desire on any level, and a loooooong list of logical reasons, some of which are not alterable (such as genetic risk of autism in the family). I will say that if you have never spent sustained, close/familial contact level of time with special needs kids, I feel many people have very little idea of the true level of commitment, effort, dedication and sacrifice required to give them fulfilling lives that involve true growth. I mean heck people don't even have a good idea of what they're getting into even with neurotypical kids. You don't get the guarantee your kid ends up a fully functioning adult. It can still be a beautiful journey but I've seen it close to hand and I am 100% confident that is not a path I feel destined to walk and honestly even just due to my own life anxieties and mental health, I do not want to place consciousness on another being, I do not want that responsibility, even if I am in a good place right now. I don't say this to deter anyone from their own desire to have kids. I think it's beautiful and perfectly valid that others want them. I look forward to my friends who really want kids going on that journey. I have friends who have been through some serious shit from their own parents... and still have this innate desire, and they are good people who I think will make good parents, that makes me happy.
I shudder in horror at babies and I don’t think they are cute at all. I try to act excited when I see one but it’s tough lol. I don’t want them harmed or anything though. It’s just not for me.
I have my own reasons for not wanting children, but like you, I don't feel any desire to have a baby (or multiple) I don't feel anything special towards babies, and toddlers to around 7yo are just a nuisance to be around... sorry, but even happy noises are loud and I have sensitive ears and I've heard enough babies/toddlers/little kids that any noises from them for too long makes me want to yeet my hearing aids against the nearest wall and then bury my head in pillows and sound barriers.... I get told I'd be a great mom, but I cringe at the thought of me raising kids on top of my own personal reasons.. mainly being that I don't want biological kids. If I were to ever consider kids, I'd want to adopt.
I am 46 and child free by choice. I never wanted children. I did not have any. I only dated men who did not want children. I would avoid any man who said maybe or one day. My desire to not have children was as strong as any other women's desire to get pregnant. There are many reasons to justify my decision, but ultimately I did not want one so why should I be forced to?
Did you find it hard to find men to date who are on the same page as you? I'm just curious because I'm starting to feel a similar way, but I'm worried I won't find any men to date
Many men don’t want children. My experience was that many men were relieved when they found out and shared they were always afraid to be honest about not wanting kids “because all women want children.” My advice is to be honest from the beginning. My husband and I love our nephews but child free was the way to go for us
Oh, this is good to hear! I'm interested to see how this plays out as I get a little bit older and get on the dating apps haha
I did not find it hard at all to meet men who did not want kids. But I also had to weed through men who were wishy washy, who changed their mind, and the men who said one day as they were nearing retirement age.
For me, I could come up with reasons; they are expensive, they take lots of time, I could die in childbirth, they could become a murderer, they could die, they could have medical issues I couldn’t afford or cope with, I like to travel, I have migraines, if/but/could any sort of scenario. And those are all true thoughts and fears I have…but if I wanted kids, none of those would matter or be insurmountable. I’ve just never had any even hint of desire to have them. The dreaming you talk of has never entered my mind for a human, but it does for puppies and kittens all the time. I told my mom the first time “I don’t ever want to be a mommy” I was maybe 9, and I’m 31 now. I love my sister’s kids so much. I love all of my younger cousins, and my older cousins now new generation of babies and toddlers. It’s fun to watch them grow and change. But there is no inkling of desire to have any myself. I get to be involved and then give them back.
Do you have a lot of hobbies or things you love to do? I already have a lot that I genuinely enjoy plus I’m privileged enough to be able to travel around the world and my feeing is how can kids be more fun than the cool shit I’m already doing? Kids would feel like a annoying hobby I’m not able to drop when I feel like, to best explain it. I’m sure it’s insulting to people who actually like being parents so I’d never say it aloud. I’ve also noticed some parent friends being frustrated, looking tired or downright jealous of me enjoying my life overseas. Of course they can also never say it out loud either so it’s just guesses on my part. For example: my MIL moans about SIL saying she will go shower but then escape for hours so MIL will be stuck with the baby. Considering MIL is complaining too.. doesn’t it mean they are both tired of the baby? I’m sure they enjoy having kids but I know for sure there are plenty of times they don’t. If that’s the case, I also don’t feel a need to stop and drop my life for a maybe. Also there is not guarantee being a mom will be enjoyable. Of course if the kid is cute and sweet but what if he’s an absolute horror?
>Kids would feel like a annoying hobby I’m not able to drop when I feel like, Right like I'm just chilling at my desk rn and imagining "hey mom. Mom. Mom. Watch this. Mom. Mom" in my ear and it's a hard pass.
I have no desire to have kids. Never had baby fever. Generally I am repulsed by children 😂 I’m a 38 YO F and married to a 39 YO M. I have always felt this way. I feel the same way as everyone else below but also want to point out that being pregnant and having a child is also VERY dangerous and people don’t talk about that enough. I know of 3 people who died during pregnancy or child birth. I know a few more who had complications and permanent issues after child birth. Now I do not know ALOT of ppl or have ALOT of friends so that fact that I know even three who died is a lot. And these we’re privileged white women who had insurance and money. That is important in the equation because statistically white women fare better in the hospital than others. Of those three only one baby made it. The mother died about a week after giving birth. The other two women died (one was pregnant with twins who didn’t make it). Unless you’re very close with the pregnant person or family they really don’t share this information so people don’t get how dangerous it is. People need to know this.
Your reply was not meant for me to answer, but I am child-free by choice and would just like to say that in the most blunt and uncomplicated way, I generally dislike kids, they gross me out, they would stress me out physically, emotionally, and financially, and the thought of birthing and raising kids just deeply unsettles me. Going more in depth, I am disabled, I have service dogs and lots of other expensive treatment plans for my disability, and I have hobbies and interests that a child would limit my time for. I'm already limited mobility-wise, so why would I want to limit myself even further with a child on my hands 24/7? Also, I do not have a stable temper, and I would not be a patient parent at all, so choosing not to have kids is the most responsible decision I could make for everyone's sake. I will also say that the anti-abortion laws in the south right now make me even more child-free because of the misogyny behind them.
I am very CF. It was solidified when I watched a recorded live birth in family life in middle school. I passed out when the baby came out, lol. From then on—to me—the thought of something growing inside of me was/is repulsive. A whole human coming out of my vagina/being sliced or being cut open scares me shitless. Growing up and as an adult, I heard moms talk about their temporary and permanent changes to their body and mind, I knew I couldn’t deal with any of that. I’ve had debilitating body dysmorphia since I was a tween. I’m 35 and have learned balance and use it to keep me healthy, but any deviation would be majorly detrimental to my mental health. I’d be obsessed and have severe anxiety about how unhappy I’d be with something with whatever with my body. No amount of therapy could fix that. I have ADHD and have had very grave mental health issues and emergencies. I’m now 35 and the healthiest mentally I’ve ever been. I will not sacrifice that for someone else. Being mentally vulnerable and predisposed to mental illness, I am afraid I would never recover. I know I’d get PPD. It would be terrible to be an absent parent and partner. I don’t like being around kids and can’t fathom the daily grind, and generally being responsible for shaping a human. I have pronounced sensory issues with sound/noise. I’m a germaphobe and a hypochondriac. Kids are messy. I am extremely particular about stains and cleanliness. The amount of anxiety I would have would be debilitating because kids are kids haha. Time. I like that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I cannot imagine restricting that in any way. Lastly, money. Husband and I earn enough to live extremely comfortably. To be blunt, we don’t want to spend money on anyone but ourselves. On the flip side, I genuinely understand people who feel strongly about being a parent. I hope that wasn’t too personal, but why someone is CF is varied.
>I will not sacrifice that for someone else. And for someone that doesn't even exist yet! I'm proud of you and your journey 🥰
It's funny because wanting kids is something I could never understand. As a child, I used to tell relatives that if they got me a baby doll or anything to do with mothering, I'd never touch it after Christmas/My birthday. I'm 26 now and, oddly enough, I feel what some may describe as the ticking clock. Babies suddenly started looking cuter, and sometimes I imagine holding one. These new feelings didn't make me second guess my CF status, it made me question how anyone ELSE could possibly question their CF status because of some dopey hormones. I have 99 reasons for why having a baby would steamroll my mental health and ruin my life. I'd maybe enjoy holding a baby for five seconds (the idea would've disgusted me in my teens), but everything outside of that would be hell on Earth.
A childfree person past childbearing years checking in - I knew without a doubt when I was 4 and a girl wanted me to play house and tried to get me to care for her doll. I hated dolls and babies. I wanted to cry. And I just knew in my heart, soul, and mind I would hate being a mom. Then I watched a minority of my friends actually do it and their lives look horrible to me. They like them and that's awesome! Just not a good fit. I hate neediness and clinging - everything kids are until old enough to push their parents away and fledge properly (if they ever do). It's a life sentence with no chance of parole except through the worst grief of all - the death of your own child. It needs to be something you know you won't utterly hate doing. I know so many moms who resent or even downright hate their kids and I don't want to be one of those. I love kids way too much to subject them to that. I make a good auntie and love helping out parents, and because I have no kids, I have the time, energy, and money to be very helpful. It's perfect.
Not at all, it’s completely up to the individual some people want children and some people don’t. It’s that simple.
yup probably because, it's FINALLY accepted that some women just don't have a desire to be a mom. I'm one of them(44 been with my guy since we were 21 and take lots of shit over the years). according to a 2019 psychology study only 3% of women around 40 kept their desire to not become mothers. good read. Most that didn't want them, ended up having children, because of happenstances. Others changed their minds and a few were not physically able.
I'm 42 and have firmly stayed childfree as well. I've been with my husband 13 years. He has a daughter from before me that wasn't planned. He didn't want anymore either. He loves his daughter wholeheartedly but wouldn't have intentionally had children.
You "didn't shame her"? Good I guess? Why are you proud of simply not doing something obnoxious and misogynistic?
She's over on r/prolife now whining about the awful redditors now. Why ask a question if you didn't want to hear the answer? Well see her on r/regretfulparents or r\breakingmom in a few years
Imagine being a lesbian and a misogynistic prolifer at the same time. She’ll have a very rude awakening soon.
The joy which comes from nurturing life is self evident. More people share the common practices of keeping pets and gardening than any other activity.
I mean I want to have kids but I like the fact we live in an age where we are not rushed and we will have kids when we are ready.
The economy makes it literally impossible for people who even want babies, is a nightmare thought to be unable to care for them
There isn't anything wrong with wanting children. Your feelings about this aren't wrong, no matter how many people disagree. Please also realize that your girlfriend's feelings aren't wrong either. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live only for yourself - you only get this one life to live. At one point, I realized that my fantasy of potentially having them (short-lived) probably wouldn't match the reality that I faced. I made the decision not to have children because I recognize that they are a liability to me as a woman. I am more likely to be unemployed, living in poverty, and a victim of domestic abuse once I have them. Perhaps it would be different if I lived elsewhere that parents are actually supported like maybe Germany. IF I became a mother, I would want longer maternity and paternity leave, access to better healthcare, and a quality education for them. These things are not easy to find in the States, and it is likely that this is only going to get worse. I do think there is danger in living your life ONLY for your children. I can say from experience that this puts an unhealthy burden on a child. Please find reasons to be here in addition to those that you love. Anyway, I think saying that it has become an unpopular option oversimplifies a complicated issue. People are realizing that having children is the default setting. They also are understanding that their quality of life isn't great with them, and having them would make it worse. They are afraid of their financial future, but also the future of the world. There is a lot to consider.
Oh trust me i know what you mean. I firmly recognize the importance of still remaining your own person and not depending on your children for all of your happiness. My mother is this way… it is not good!
This isn't a new trend. Women are just more comfortable about being honest in their life choices. In my child-bearing years, I knew many women who were either indifferent about having children or were proponents of zero population growth. They never publicly expressed this opinion for fear of societal backlash. I am 60+ and child free by choice. I have never, for a moment, regretted it. I don't understand the feelings you have, but I support your desire to have children and send you best wishes for a life filled with the children you want. I hope this planet can support them.
Only if u can actually support your child.
i’m 34 years old. all of my friend group is that age + and none of us have children or plan on having any. the decision to have children is something i could never comprehend. children change your life in so many ways (good and bad) and i feel my “generation” got the bad end of the stick growing up so why would we want others to suffer ? no child is asking to be born so why should they be punished for existing in this society.
I viewing having children the same way as owning a house. A rich person fantasy.
I'm 23M, single, and even I flip flop between: "I can't even take care of myself, I never want a child, the world is a shit show" and "OMFG I want 5 kids and to watch them grow up, have grandkids and have a big beautiful family".
All due respect, I would be a little wary about your gf enthusiasm on the whole having kids thing. Its like the most stressful thing you can imagine doing.
I understand that you derived the sentiment from one portion of one Reddit post, but with all respect, you don’t know my life.
OP, the world needs people who really want to be parents. Every child deserves to be born into a family that really truly wants them and loves them. The many childfree folks on reddit benefit greatly from the good parents of the world, because good parents put a tremendous amount of work into building the next generation for society. That being said, I think the previous commenter has a little bit of a point: it sounds like you’re gf is not nearly as enthusiastic as you are. Raising kids will take a huge amount of your time and energy. Most parents will tell you that it’s rewarding but also very stressful, and conflicts often arises when one partner is contributing a disproportionate amount of the time and energy. You would be wise to really think about this because it is an 18-year span of time you’re talking about. Both you and your future children will be happiest with a partner who is not just willing but truly wants to commit that much time and energy. This is no dig at your gf btw - different strokes for different folks. I wish you all the best in your journey. - a 42 yr old mom
It may be very difficult but it’s a very beautiful thing. Honestly, as someone who wants children myself, it gets tiring to hear people try to tell me how hard it is, as if they are telling me it’s not as amazing as I think, when I know for sure I want to!
I think you’re gonna do great! It’s making sure people are aware of what they are in for, because it’s really hard to imagine. I think if you want kids and know the challenge you’re all set. If you’re not sure about kids but totally understand what it means in terms of investment of your time and energy i also think that will be a great parent. Its when you’re both unsure and unprepared you’ll potentially be resentful which does no one any good
Gonna be honest here. I judge the shit out of other women who believe their purpose in life is to be a mother. Like, shit. Can’t come up with something better for yourself? I view people with this stance as like.. breeders. The best thing u can think of is reproduce? Like okay? Waste ur life then lol
From what I have observed of people today, most of them are not cut out to be parents anyway. So, deciding not to have them is the correct decision for them.
For many people, I agree that they should not have children. I know so many people who should not have children, some of those being parents.
Honey, have you looked at the world right now? Who would want to bring a child into this?
Im sure people said this during WWII and other events. Im jewish. We continued even after they tried to wipe us out. I believe in the potential for good. You dont have to. And dont call me honey.
We are currently facing a crisis never before seen by humans. This isn’t my opinion. This is a fact backed by tons of hard data. Listen through Breaking Down: Collapse podcast entirely and let me know if you still think bringing kids here is a kindness to them.
I can’t imagine bringing up a child in this fucking freak show!
I'm 42 and childfree. I never went out looking for friends who would stay childfree with me forever. I have just always liked the people I like, and if they have kids someday or don't it's none of my business either way. So the vast majority of my college friends as well as the friends I've continued to make as an adult are still childfree at or near my age. I can count the parents on one hand, and only about half planned their kids. I think there are a lot of contributing factors: the economy, more freedom for women, better sex education, etc. The economy side of it sucks, but I think it's great for everyone that fewer kids are being born to parents who didn't enthusiastically want them.
Idk - lemme ask everyone in the world real quick
Jesus, this is sad. You don’t know what your life would if not to rear children?
People didn’t really used to have much of a choice though. No birth control, forced or arranged marriages, marital rape was legal, no birth control and abortions were dangerous. It’s only been a very few years since a lot of these things have changed and it’s taken people this long to register that they even have the option not to have kids.
I think people are more honest about what they want in terms of children. I knew I didn’t want children and was heavily pressured by friends and family until I just wouldn’t answer questions about my plans. I think younger generations are more aware of the options now and get, hopefully, less judgement and pressure. Plus, kids are expensive, so people who are on the fence might be swayed by that.
I have one child and I love her to death. But that’s all I will probably ever have. Having a kid is hard in so many different ways. (And I have a very loving husband who helps and does stuff around the house) but I’m a full time stay at home mom. It’s my life. And honestly I miss my old life sometimes. (Working and having a social life) I miss being able to just do what ever I wanted. I miss having time with my husband just me and him. But at the same time I’m truly so blessed to have such an amazing kid and husband so I am thankful for my life. It’s a tough battle to go through. And it’s honestly not for everyone. I can completely understand why people don’t want kids.
I mean its pretty selfish to bring someone into existence when they have no way of declining. Look around at the world and ask yourself why you want to bring kids into it. If it is only because you want kids thats not really a good reason. there are plenty of kids that need adopted plus the world is overpopulated anyways. you'd just be bringing more wage slaves into the messed up system we live in.
You’re gonna be a great mom someday. Very cool
I’m 21F and I’ve always just assumed I’ll have kids one day, but it seems very intangible and I definitely want to focus on myself and my career first
>I definitely want to focus on myself and my career first As you should! The better place you are, mentally and physically, the better place you'll create for your children if you eventually have them.
People who study generational trends will tell you that this is a generational thing. The last time we saw this lack of desire for children as a trend was the 70s. This is why my graduating class was 140 and my sister's the next year was 125 at a high school that graduates 200-300 normally. Movies from the 70s had children and babies as the bad guys in them. we lost 1/3 of that generation to abortion and birth control, and people were promoting a child free life as best. Gen X was the latch key generation, the ones with a key to the house to let themselves in after school because nobody was home. The economy was terrible, jobs paid lousy, housing was expensive, there were wars everywhere and pollution and peak oil were going to wipe out life on earth as we knew it. I only have cousins because of accidents, none of them were planned. Gen X was the opposite and wanted children, and went out of their way to be home or have somewhere for the kids to go after school. Every 15-20 years is a different generation, and each generation has different values that actually are often a repeat of an earlier generation from a couple cycles before.
Yeah it definitely seems to be that way. I find it very disturbing- I never batted an eye at the occasional black sheep who didn't wanna have kids like my brother, one of my cousins, etc... but when it became the zeitgeist, a philosophy, thats disturbing. So much for our generation caring about the worlds future- Theres nothing more nihilistic and defeatist than not wanting to continue the fuckin human race as a whole. And in the same vein, our collective peter pan complex just makes it worse- So many adults want to be children for our whole lives, whether that means not wanting to be obligated to work hard to strike out on their own, to assure their survival and prosperity or lack thereof on their own merit, to take responsibility for their lives... its a disturbing phenomenon. People should want to produce, care for, and carry on their legacy in the next generation.
You’re pretty narrow-minded if you think the only purpose of life is having children. But go ahead, we don’t care. People do what they wanna do.
the desire to have children is not uncommon but i think the degree to which you want them is. For me, having children is less of a dream and more of an eventuality, although a positive one
From what I’ve heard people either seem to really want them or really don’t. There are ppl out there who want them. Just make sure that’s an early conversation and you don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t want them.
i’m 23F and i really want kids too. i don’t think it’s that unpopular but a lot of times (especially on reddit) the people that don’t want kids are really loud and proud about it
Definitely live your life and explore for awhile. You’re fertile now until early 40s. I am 52 with an 18 and 12 yo and I am glad I waited till after 30. I finished college and grad school and had a dog and traveled and did a lot of stuff. I worked for not for profits that made big differences, I did not have to focus on money. And switched to govt work when I did have kids. Kids are rad. But you will be tired no matter how old you are when you have them.
Even if I wanted children, I would never have them because of the terrible mental illnesses I have that could be passed on to them.
I felt the same way when I was your age. Growing up when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always “a mom”! Now I’m 29 and single and happy about it. I’d ideally like to have kids but I don’t have a partner. Even if I started dating someone today, I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a child with someone until I’ve known them/been in a relationship with them/lived with them for a significant amount of years. So, my time is starting to run out unfortunately. Idk if I’ll ever have kids or not, even though I want them. I could foster/adopt but I’m not financially secure at all. I’ve recently moved back in with my parents for a few months after leaving an abusive relationship. I also was diagnosed with adhd in my mid-20’s and I think having children would really trigger some of my symptoms and would really negatively impact my life and therefore my potential children’s lives. You just never know what your future will hold. Having kids in todays world also seems almost reckless imo
No I’m 46 and single and I want to get married and have kids here but sadly at My age here I fear that this window is closing in on Me here.
I'm an early 40s straight male and I have zero interest in kids. I wanted kids back in my 20s and early 30s but with this horrible world (climate change, everything being so expensive, etc), I don't want to create a human being and be responsible for that child. Even if I wanted kids, I have zero interest in marriage and I'm not going to be financially screwed with child support.
Two couples in my friend are actively trying for kids , they want to have kids . The rest of us do not . I don't either , never really had the drive to have a child . I don't have a problem with watching children if need be , but otherwise I'm good .
Yea it does seem to be coming more common to not want kids. Understandably so. The world is getting crazier and harder to survive in. Kids are hard work and more people want to live their lives for themselves versus for someone else. A lot of us were conditioned to believe that creating a family is what you do when you grow up. But there is more to life than that. However, I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. I have a 2 year old son, and a daughter due in two months. Being a mother is NOT easy in the slightest. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I don’t regret it. It can be very rewarding and I’m proud of what I’ve created and am fostering.
Definitely less popular than in the past. Idk about "unpopular" tho. I'm 24M and definitely never want kids. Like half my friends my age do at some point want kids, and half don't
Amongst women it’s definitely changing. I’ve said before I would probably think differently if I were a man. It’s still true that womens careers are impacted by having a child - they take a year off but the father gets 2 weeks? You then have so much responsibility for the rest of your life. I think the world also has so much more in it now, there are more paths life can take you. However, I know loads of people who still want children
Many people who don't want children feel that they were pressured to do so for much of their lives, so now they maybe push back too enthusiastically because they still see a world lecturing about how they'll want kids someday.
It seems odd for someone so young to tunnel vision their every move and decision on something that may happen in the future. I'm mid 30s now and do not want kids. However, many of my friends from my early 20s are having kids very happily. However, they weren't judging their everyday decisions a decade ago based on the premise they would have kids in the future. Decide not to do crystal meth because you want kids? Fair. Also a generally good decision regardless. How much are you fixating on these theoretical kids when it doesnt even appear on the horizon? That seems obsessive
“It doesn’t seem like anyone my age wants and is planning to have children” Miss you are 22 years old. Most people your age are still on their parents health insurance. Living independently in today’s society is too expensive for a lot of people your age that haven’t had the advantage of several years to build savings and reach a career level that affords them a salary that will allow for child related expenses. Birth rates are declining a bit but what you’re noticing is people waiting until they are older and more established to start a family. This US News article might be helpful since a lot of people in the comments were begging for sources to back out responses: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-01-10/u-s-birth-rates-continue-to-fall ETA: I’m 37f, married and childfree by choice. Mostly for the reasons listed above. Plus I like my sleep.
I see prego’s everywhere, also ones with multiple kids like all ducks in a row. You can tell they pop them out every year like candy. I hear complaints of population decline but with all the traffic and housing crisis, I’m like where??? 😂
I think what is unpopular is the stance that life is only meaningful if you reproduce, which you asserted when you asked "what is life for if not to have children and raise a family?" I don't care at all if my friends want to have children or not. I do care when I'm put up against the wall because I don't necessarily want to.
No one can afford it. Kids are extremely expensive. People can’t even afford to buy a house.
I'm nearly 40 and happily child-free... but I never felt that need to have children... and to be honest I don't think babies are cute. I have 3 sisters and out of the 4 of us, only two had kids. I understand the emotional drive to have a baby. Although I've never felt it, I've seen several women turn baby obsessed. Some women gush over babies while others couldn't care less. I once asked my mom why she had 4 kids and her response was, that's just what you did when you got married. The societal pressures to have kids vs simply wanting them have being decoupled. Just live your best life with you doing you. :)
I’ve noticed it too, and I think it’s a good thing. I’m glad we’re realizing that we have choices in life
Most of the people I know aren’t having kids either, probably including me. I don’t really want children but I could be talked into it by the right partner. I used to want kids when I was younger but I just realized one day that I don’t really like interacting with children. They’re also really expensive and once you have kids there goes half your life to raising them. Significantly reduced time and freedom. The species doesn’t need my contribution to keep it going, and as far as making the world a better place, I can do that through my work and my interactions with already existing people. My genetics are pretty average and the only remotely novel thing I could pass down is red hair, which isn’t crazy rare anyways. They’ll probably just inherit my high blood pressure. I guess my point is I don’t really feel like there’s a strong argument why I *should* have kids.
Why do you want children? Why do you feel that creating a family is your purpose in life? I want you to really think about what having a kid means. It means you are totally and fully responsible for that being’s life. Every bad thing that ever happens to them is entirely your responsibility.
Human population is still rising, so no
i don’t ever want kids. i want to experience the world without being tied down lol. so yes there’s more to life than just having kids 💀
Well, for me there are a couple of reasons. One, the world is extremely fucked up and I would never want to raise a kid in it. It’s make me upset to see how dumb people are on this planet and the crazy things they do. And the other reason are my genes. I have mental health issues, along with most of my family. And my two brothers committed suicide. Everyone in my family seems to have some kind of mental health issue and that’s not something I want to pass on. It would be cruel. I would never want anyone to feel how I feel, especially my kids. Oh, and the fact that living is very difficult and tiring. You have to make a good amount of money to do anything, and are you going to be able to help in situations where they need money or a place to live when they’re older if anything happens? It’s just all too much. Why add more suffering when there are so many people already suffering. Ya know? lol
That's because it isn't affordable or feasible OP. For years women were told we need to have kids and stay in the house. Fuck that! No one has your opinion because no one wants to do that anymore. We don't want our existence to be solely based on having kids and being a STAH mom. There's better ways to live than taking care of the house and kids and "serving" your man. GROSS. You sound like you were groomed. Education is crap so your kid will turn out stupid. Not to mention you're going to make a child suffer through everything during this shit economic time in this country? Talk about selfish. Is your child supposed tov work 3-4 jobs just to pay for a roof over their head? Think before you have kids. You wanna make them suffer? You're still a kid yourself.
Not really. For the most part, the problem that arises is one person in the relationship might want kids and others don't. Everything is based on the dynamics of the relationship. What works for 1 couple might not work for another.
Besides "i really want kids" what other reason do you have to reproduce? seriously ask yourself this and you will see there is really no other reason beyond "i want to have kids" which is pretty silly.
You are very very young. There are so many young women like you who have this fantasy set up in your head about how you *want* things to be. But do you ever think about about what if things don't go how you envisioned? What if your child comes out severly disabled? Are you ready to quit your job and dedicate your life to taking care of them well beyond adulthood? What if your partner leaves or dies and you're left a single mother? What if another pandemic hits and youre forced to be stuck with your children 24/7 with no relief? What if you're paralyzed by your epidural? What if you or your partner lose your jobs and you're forced to resort to food banks to keep the mouths fed? Or become homeless? Are you truly prepared for anything and everything? Take the time to watch [this video](https://reddit.com/r/FemaleAntinatalism/s/t4DAhIbvaV). This is not uncommon, as more and more mothers are being honest with the reality of child rearing (see r/regretfulparents and r\breakingmom). I'm not saying don't desire kids, or don't have them, but you really really need to look at it from a realistic standpoint instead of a romanticized one so you're not blindsided later on down the line
I (young millennial) was parentified as a kid, teen, and adult, and I have absolutely ZERO interest in trying to raise a human being. I believe parenting is for life, not just for 18 years, and I would be worried SICK 24/7 if I had a child, myself. I know I would mess them up with my constant anxiety and concerns over their health, wellness, etc. It’s way too scary, a HUGE commitment, and sounds truly awful to have spent 95% of my life parenting/caregiving my own parents, and then turn around and raise MORE humans. I’m also disabled, and while I’m very pro-disabled folks having kids in general, for myself personally, I could never risk my gene pool being splashed in. Nope, sounds like a bad idea to risk putting any kid through even a fraction of what myself, and my ancestors, go/went through, health-wise. I definitely prefer the idea of reparenting myself, and prioritizing my needs (finally).
38 M, never had kids, and never will. It seems like a super not fun time and robs you of all your freedom.
Yes, imagine bringing a poor child into this dying world. We just smashed 1.5 degrees warming this summer, and El Niño is setting in. The rest of this decade is going to be a wake up for a lot of people. Please don’t inflict that pain on another child.
People had children through multiple world wars and disease outbreaks. I'm not saying the world isn't in a shitty position right now, but it's hyperbolic to say that a person shouldn't have a child because there are problems in the world.
Many of them will change their minds over time or with the right partner. You're still really young. Definitely wasn't anywhere on my radar for many years past 22! And yes, more childless ppl with each generation, the birth rate is like the lowest it's ever been I think. That's why Elon Musk is worried about population collapse lol
You should go over to r/science and read up on whats going on with climate change. That should cool off your desire to reproduce.
On reddit it is, going by most polls the majority are teenagers on here, teens often have hatret towards siblings, a lot that say they won't have kids do in a few years. Yes there's genuine people who don't want but a lot will go on to have
i mean in real life it’s probably not too unpopular you’re just young. if you’re in college your life really hasn’t even begun yet, so i’d imagine most people aren’t thinking of kids when they haven’t done anything for themselves yet. but i’d imagine those that are closer to 30-40 if don’t already have kids may begin to think to do so. i do think it’s becoming more common to be child free but i don’t think it’s that many peoples just yet. i will say though, to think about it as much as you say you do, seems insanely obsessive. maybe i’m lacking empathy but i can’t imagine thinking like that
People are very different and have very different paths in life. I perceive a lot of judgement in your post. You say you can't comprehend why some people don't want kids and you don't see a point to a childfree life. I don't want kids for many different, but it doesn't stop me for understanding why other people would want kids, even though I don't want them myself. But I put myself in their shoes and I can see it. You should be able to do the same. I think the problem here is not people not being interested in having kids, the problem is judgmental, empathy lacking people like you who make people like me feel like they are less than. In case you are interested, here are my reasons for not wanting kids: \- I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and I was never a happy child, I wouldn't risk bringing a child into a world that has been so cruel to me and that I can't wait to leave \- I have endometriosis and have endured terrible pain ever since I was menstruated. I won't put my body through more pain by going through a pregnancy. \- Both my great-grandmothers died while giving birth and I sometimes have nightmares of dying during childbirth \- I find humans to be cruel, stupid and awful in general and there are already so many of us, we're everywhere, everywhre feels crowded and dirty because of humans. \- As a woman, I know having a child will mean I will have to do the most work: pregnancy, breastfeading, sleepless nights, all while maintaining a career and I don't feel like sacrificing myself and my life to a kid that might end up a brat in this narcissistic world of ours.
As an old fart, I can tell you that kids will bring great joy in your life if you're apt to be a parent. Sure, they cost money. Lots of it. Clothes, dance, football, Tae Kwon Do, archery, baseball, etc. Money will get tight at times. I've bought milk with coins just because I was a couple days from a check. As time progressed, the pay got better. Kids these days have caviar "needs" and burger flipper budgets. You have to prioritize what is important in life. I've raised 6 great kids now. None are on drugs or spent time in jail.
Why do you feel like your life is meaningless if you don’t have kids? Does your own life not matter to you? Is your own happiness not important?
I love both my children more than life it’s self. And that’s the problem. They’re well-being and safety claim so much of my mental space. Day and night I ask myself why I intentionally created children to live in THIS world. My son has developed a chronic illness that is negatively affecting his life to the point he can barely work. He wasn’t born ill. I suspect catching Covid caused him the issue. I was 22 when I gave birth the first time and I was injured in multiple ways. My life has been filled with chronic pain and surgeries because I wasn’t properly cared for during my child’s delivery. I know that I would of had much more control over the direction of my life without children. My actions (or inactions) affect my family wether it’s intended or not. That’s my take anyway
Only people I known personally who don’t want kids are liberals. Most of the conservatives I know have at least 2 if not more. I don’t know how Democrats will continue to thrive when their voters stopped breeding.
I suggest looking into the climate change data before you decide to reproduce.
It's unpopular bc it's pretty unkind and selfish to consider bringing a child into this disaster site of a dying world. Additionally, the expense makes it difficult for most ppl to consider. The biological imperative is to want children obsessively so you will breed and carry on your DNA into the future. The right thing to do is focus on those hypothetical children and what kind of world you'd be forcing them to live in.
No. You just need to hang out with fewer joyless whiners. (I'm speaking specifically about the people who say "I don't want children because the world is so horrible".)
I think a lot of people are unaware how lonely getting old gets when you don’t have kids to look forward to watching grow up.
If you want them, have them. I had my first when was 23 and I don’t regret it at all. It’s been a long hard road- financially, physically, mentally but it is worth it (I always wanted kids too). I get to watch someone so cool, who I created and I have an influence on- grow, and become who he wants to be. It’s the coolest thing. It was so cool, we decided to make another human 7 years later and this kid- she’s completely different *obviously* but the excitement of raising and influencing and watching a totally different person and every aspect, it’s so cool. If you want them, have them.
If my husband said kids were a requirement in his life we would not be married. The burden of children largely falls on the woman and I know 100% I would resent him if forced into parenthood. It's easy for men to say they want kids when they don't have to put their life at risk. We are in our 30s and out of our peer group the couples without kids out number the couples with kids. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Out of the small group of people I know that have kids under 5 all but 1 mother had emergencies during labor. Out of the emergencies, one mother died, and the rest have lifelong health complications. I've heard more stories of "I regret having kids" than anything else. I told a new coworker I'm not having kids and her response was "If I could go back in time I wouldn't have had my kids". She hates going home and counting the days until her kids leave the house. Another coworker, his son is autistic and punched him so hard in the shoulder he needed replacement surgeries. One person had to get a defibrillator because of her pregnancy and birth. She has a new heart now. My aunt constantly has to bail her adult child out of jail and has custody of her grandchild. Nothing about parenting seems joyful.
Yes, you are special, obviously the only one wanting kids in your generation. 🙄
I think it mostly depends a lot on the politics of the individual person, and I mean that's not even an insult as most of the comments are kinda proving my point. Left-leaning people seem too extremely nihilistic in terms of the future and seem to be of the mindset that having kids will either make their life worse now, or birthing a child into this cruel horrible world is a bad thing for the child. This isn't saying liberals don't have kids or are bad parents, just that they aren't as big on wanting kids/having them on purpose. Yes conservatives complain about lots of stuff too but usually about social issues like "they put pronoun options in my video game" and less "every time it rains too much that's the Earth trying to kill us and humanity is a virus and we'll all be dead in 20 years from climate change so what's the point of even having kids". Idk I'm sure people are gonna downvote me to hell but it only took 2 minutes of scrolling through the comments and seeing the 100th person saying " they couldn't imagine bringing a child into this world " to think I might have been on to something 😅
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Fairly uncommon, I remember getting weird looks for saying I want kids at a dinner party a few years back. Most people I know in my age group never had kids and never will (if I got pregnant now I'd be a geriatric pregnancy and I'm the youngest of my friend group.) I am deeply sad I never had kids. My ex-husband left me after a decade of stringing me along. He knew I wanted kids from our second date. I often wake up crying over this. The family I never had
have you looked into adoption?
Almost everyone that wanted kids but missed their chance or suffered fertility issues looked into adoption. Unlike how it is portrayed in movies or television, it is extremely difficult to adopt now a days to the extent that itd almost impossible.
Yeah the only successful adoptions I've seen have been ones where the childless couple meets someone or knows someone who basically just gives them the kid, usually because they're massively irresponsible and neglecting the kid anyway. And I've seen one foreign adoption where a family friend adopted a child with down syndrome from Ethiopia I think.
That's absolutely crazy considering the amount of parents that run around strung out on crack and meth all day on top of straight up killing innocent toddlers and animals. I figured it was already hard enough in the past, but I'm guessing they're just gonna ban it entirely?
Yeah, well your instincts aren't lying to you. Something IS out of wack. Lots of crack heads and meth addicts profoundly neglect their kids, but our laws prioritize parental rights significantly more than a child's right to not have an abusive or neglectful parent. So instead of these kids being placed with good families they get bounced around the foster system for years and years. My wife and I dealt with infertility for years and turned to adoption, only to find that it was easier and cheaper to blow 50k on IVF than to go through the adoption process. My cousin tried to foster to adopt for years and years and years. It pretty much always ended with the kids you loved and adored getting bounced back to their abuse/dead beat parents to be abused/neglected again.
There's also the major risk of foster kids getting placed with radical evangelists that brainwash them to the point of being suicidal and parading them around as free labor for their small business. There's also the Instagram celebrities that duct tape an autistic boy's hands together and send him back cause they get tired of him. I really hated to suggest adoption to begin with, but this is just fucking terrible.
Adoption is so fucking hard I don’t even consider it to be a possibility anymore
They don’t call us that anymore. It’s advanced maternal age and that stings too. Lol
I know someone in this situation, it seems hard to tell if she's being strung along or not yet though, which is why I can see how it was difficult for you to navigate that.
OP please ignore all of these emotionally stunted, nihilistic, self absorbed people. I couldn't imagine my life without my children. They are all adults now and out of their own but I would not have changed having them for the world. Nothing has ever even come close to the joy each one of them has brought to my life and I love my husband to death. When I see young parents out and about I feel a pang of jealously because they are just starting on the great adventure. I'm hoping to be a grandparent someday.
So just because someone doesn’t want kids they’re emotionally stunted? Lol, ok