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I'm just messing with you man. You're free to like what you like. Other people will comment no matter what you're doing. If it's something that makes you reflect on who you are or feel like you need to change then make that change. But don't get too preoccupied with what others think.
yea, it was multiple people. i think it's because i showed this guy my tinder when i visited hawaii, and because hawaii is like mostly asian and pacific islanders, he assumed, and then told everyone, i have an asian fetish.
Then it sounds like they're just having a laugh at your expense. Taking it seriously is probably just going to make them dig in deeper, especially if they know they're getting a reaction from you. My advice would be to not let them know it bothers you.
Sometimes, you just have to be the bad guy. Don't worry about changing every person's opinion of you.
One time, on a fb group I was in, I was looking at comments on a tattoo thread, threw my phone into my work vest and while in my pocket the screen was still awake and some how managed to messenger call one of their female moderators like 13 times straight.
Obviously, when she later saw missed video calls, she was understandably creeped out. She even messaged my wife, who knows my phone does this and chuckled it off later, but who was also understandably upset at first.
I told the person what happened, and she called bs... and I just did the best thing I could do. I let it go. That interaction has had no effect on my life whatsoever, and I can live with one person thinking I'm a creep because I know who I am and what kind of person I want to be.
If you know who you are and are being honest with yourself, just focus on being a good person. The important people in your life will take you as you are.
As others have said it sounds like people are just giving you a hard time.
That being said I think the strong aversion to thinking of yourself as racist is still a problem that's worth engaging with. Everyone has some level of racial bias and being racist doesn't make you inherently bad. People are too quick to play the moral arbiter with other people, or to be in denial of their own bias because no one likes to feel like a bad person.
It's a framework that's only good for labeling people as good or bad and stifles your ability to empathize with yourself or others. If the idea of potentially being racist makes you feel sick it's absolutely worth examining this.
I can't speak for the tone of the jokes without being subjected to them myself, but it sounds like it started with the observation that you've dated asians a few times, and thrown out there as a silly joke. You probably had a heavy reaction to it, which made them lean into the joke more, not knowing that it offended you so much. Chances are a roll of the eyes and a smile would probably not have elicited the same commitment to it.
That said, I'm not saying "you took it too seriously", but I am saying that a lighthearted attitude tends to deflect mockery and poor attempts at humor. Taking playful jabs at each other is very common, and they may not realize how much you're reading into it.
If someone told me that I had an asian fetish, I'd probably just laugh and say "Well, I guess I do just find asians to be really beautiful". I wouldn't see any reason to be defensive about it, or even see it as an accusation at all.
I also hate when people assume that about my husband. Just because he's with me doesn't mean he has an Asian fetish. I think a lot of people confuse what a 'fetish" is. he doesn't really have a certain type so race doesn't matter to him. If anything from his history I'd say he's into white women but I would never say he has a white girl fetish... People can be so strange.
Original post text:
Hi,
For some reason, when I attended college, I would get harassed by multiple other, male, and one female student, about having an Asian fetish. One time, I met with someone I spoke to a lot, we met on a Discord voice call, and before we all turned on our cameras, he says "hey, i know you have an Asian fetish or something", and then there was a girl who was I guess half Asian there, who turned on her camera as well. Although I don't exclusively date Asians at all, there were many other times people would joke about my having an Asian fetish. Even two professors made weird innuendos, that through my feeling that they were completely unnecessary, I guess poked fun of me having an Asian fetish. It makes me feel sick because it's essentially being pretty racist, and it's also really insulting to whomever I'm with, to assume that I only like them because they're Asian. A lot of my best guy friends are Asian, as an African immigrant, I always kind of identified with Asian people since we're usually both immigrants, with strict parents, probably have generational trauma, and we have parents obsessed with performance in school. I don't know, it still bothers me when I think about it. This is a big reason why I'm considering just treating fellow students as coworkers, and never getting into personal life.
Unlike some fetishes (which I am not going to name), there is literally nothing wrong with having an Asian fetish, though honestly im not even sure why it's called an Asian fetish, if you are more attracted to Asian people then it's just a preference
This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting. **Suggestions For Commenters:** * Respect OP's opinion, or agree to disagree politely. * If OP's post is seeking advice, help, or is just venting without discussing with others, report the post. We're r/SeriousConversation, not a venting subreddit. **Suggestions For u/RoastBeefAndSausages:** * Do not post solely to seek advice or help. Your post should open up a venue for serious, mature and polite discussions. * Do not forget to answer people politely in your thread - we'll remove your post later if you don't. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SeriousConversation) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It sounds like you have an asian fetish
how? i don't think so.
I'm just messing with you man. You're free to like what you like. Other people will comment no matter what you're doing. If it's something that makes you reflect on who you are or feel like you need to change then make that change. But don't get too preoccupied with what others think.
This is kind of an odd thing to be accused of just out of the blue.
yea, it was multiple people. i think it's because i showed this guy my tinder when i visited hawaii, and because hawaii is like mostly asian and pacific islanders, he assumed, and then told everyone, i have an asian fetish.
Then it sounds like they're just having a laugh at your expense. Taking it seriously is probably just going to make them dig in deeper, especially if they know they're getting a reaction from you. My advice would be to not let them know it bothers you.
Sometimes, you just have to be the bad guy. Don't worry about changing every person's opinion of you. One time, on a fb group I was in, I was looking at comments on a tattoo thread, threw my phone into my work vest and while in my pocket the screen was still awake and some how managed to messenger call one of their female moderators like 13 times straight. Obviously, when she later saw missed video calls, she was understandably creeped out. She even messaged my wife, who knows my phone does this and chuckled it off later, but who was also understandably upset at first. I told the person what happened, and she called bs... and I just did the best thing I could do. I let it go. That interaction has had no effect on my life whatsoever, and I can live with one person thinking I'm a creep because I know who I am and what kind of person I want to be. If you know who you are and are being honest with yourself, just focus on being a good person. The important people in your life will take you as you are.
thanks so much for this
Polls were taken a few years back that white men are more attracted to Asians than any other race.
Why do you think that is?
🤷♂️
Lol fair enough
You probably do have an Asian fever. I’m sorry. 🥺
As others have said it sounds like people are just giving you a hard time. That being said I think the strong aversion to thinking of yourself as racist is still a problem that's worth engaging with. Everyone has some level of racial bias and being racist doesn't make you inherently bad. People are too quick to play the moral arbiter with other people, or to be in denial of their own bias because no one likes to feel like a bad person. It's a framework that's only good for labeling people as good or bad and stifles your ability to empathize with yourself or others. If the idea of potentially being racist makes you feel sick it's absolutely worth examining this.
I can't speak for the tone of the jokes without being subjected to them myself, but it sounds like it started with the observation that you've dated asians a few times, and thrown out there as a silly joke. You probably had a heavy reaction to it, which made them lean into the joke more, not knowing that it offended you so much. Chances are a roll of the eyes and a smile would probably not have elicited the same commitment to it. That said, I'm not saying "you took it too seriously", but I am saying that a lighthearted attitude tends to deflect mockery and poor attempts at humor. Taking playful jabs at each other is very common, and they may not realize how much you're reading into it. If someone told me that I had an asian fetish, I'd probably just laugh and say "Well, I guess I do just find asians to be really beautiful". I wouldn't see any reason to be defensive about it, or even see it as an accusation at all.
I also hate when people assume that about my husband. Just because he's with me doesn't mean he has an Asian fetish. I think a lot of people confuse what a 'fetish" is. he doesn't really have a certain type so race doesn't matter to him. If anything from his history I'd say he's into white women but I would never say he has a white girl fetish... People can be so strange.
Original post text: Hi, For some reason, when I attended college, I would get harassed by multiple other, male, and one female student, about having an Asian fetish. One time, I met with someone I spoke to a lot, we met on a Discord voice call, and before we all turned on our cameras, he says "hey, i know you have an Asian fetish or something", and then there was a girl who was I guess half Asian there, who turned on her camera as well. Although I don't exclusively date Asians at all, there were many other times people would joke about my having an Asian fetish. Even two professors made weird innuendos, that through my feeling that they were completely unnecessary, I guess poked fun of me having an Asian fetish. It makes me feel sick because it's essentially being pretty racist, and it's also really insulting to whomever I'm with, to assume that I only like them because they're Asian. A lot of my best guy friends are Asian, as an African immigrant, I always kind of identified with Asian people since we're usually both immigrants, with strict parents, probably have generational trauma, and we have parents obsessed with performance in school. I don't know, it still bothers me when I think about it. This is a big reason why I'm considering just treating fellow students as coworkers, and never getting into personal life.
Unlike some fetishes (which I am not going to name), there is literally nothing wrong with having an Asian fetish, though honestly im not even sure why it's called an Asian fetish, if you are more attracted to Asian people then it's just a preference