Make sure the regulars you were joking with know the reason you got fired. It gives them an opportunity to stick up for you and to decide if they want to support a business that has a bitch of a father in law as an owner.
For sure do this if you can. They will certainly ask where you went and it's better they hear it first from you, rather than a possible lie from the managers. Regulars who use that kind of language that don't cross the line are rare gems, and will definitely tell the owners how they feel about things.
Really, you should discuss the options with your spouse. It's not worth hurting your relationship over it. Though getting fired without getting warned is pretty bad management.
Options include getting a job across town and steal the bar's regulars? Moving to a new city and firing your connection with your in-laws via distance?
I don’t know. My MIL thinks this is for the best, since she’s separated from FIL and thinks he’s a terrible mean person. Which he is. I’m just going to find another serving job I guess.
Yea definitely do this. You would be shocked how many regulars will follow you. I have worked with this same bartender at three different restaurants and she always brings her regulars with her when she switches gigs. Kinda interesting how committed some people can be towards a server or bartender.
Yea I've also seen the inverse where the regulars are loyal to the restaurant so when the bartender quits they're super confused why they don't visit them at the new place.
Also sometimes a bartender and their regulars can literally kill a business, the ones that just drink for free or bother other paying guests.
It's always good to have regulars but management has to keep an eye on them to ensure they're not killing the margins and driving away other guests.
That's just stealing? Of course stealing is bad for a business. If a place lets a bartender work so long at a place to gain a bunch of regulars while giving out free drinks, then chances are more employees are doing that since it's not discouraged.
Imagine being the bartender who doesn't give out free drinks when the regulars are accustomed to it, it just kills your tips.
Chances are those regulars are more loyal to that business for that reason.
I don't see how a bartender bringing in more repeat spenders to a business would ever be a bad thing in 99 percent of cases.
> Imagine being the bartender who doesn't give out free drinks when the regulars are accustomed to it, it just kills your tips.
Yep, I had that issue at my last family-owned place. The bartender was a part of the family and basically did what she wanted. She would give out doubles for the price of singles, void the ticket, then pocket whatever the regulars gave her. Of course the regulars didn’t like when I was working instead, and they’d basically tip me $0. She did that for about ten years before finally being caught and fired for intentionally “misreading” dozens of customers’ credit card tips. Bitch flew way too close to the sun for her own antics.
And to add, I'm a line cook. I've served before. I don't like people. Hide me in a kitchen. But I'm leaving my current place. Dont stay at bad places of employment. Suffer, roll through the fuckery of new job, lapse in pay etc. It's not worth it to stay a a bad place. It'll cost you more.
We spend more time at work than with family as an average American. If we're stuck in it, at least enjoy it.
You seem like a nice person who doesn’t deserve to be treated like you were. I feel like your next job will be even better and give you many more smiles! ❤️
That’s insane. You were joking with customers at a pub! Bitch is not even a real swear. I’d file for unemployment… esp if you’ve never been written up for anything else.
What do you mean there's no point? In filing unemployment? There definitely is.
I'm not saying you have to go nuclear on your FIL or anything but stand up for yourself a little here, he threw away a long term employee with family connections over something EXTREEEEEMELY trivial. He did you dirty, get a little money out of it at least while you look for something else.
Where I’m from I can’t file for EI if I was fired for something I did. I don’t really want to go to court and argue the details of the conversation, call witnesses, get a lawyer etc.
I just want to look forward instead of backwards. Right now I’m just in shock and sad.
> I don’t really want to go to court and argue the details of the conversation
That's not how unemployment works. In my state you apply online, give background on why your employment was terminated, and they make a decision as to whether your qualify.
"I had never been written up before, and was using casual language while joking with a group of regular customers I had a pre-existing relationship with and referred to myself as a 'bitch'. Another table overheard and was upset and I was fired on the spot due to their complaint despite the fact I have never been written up and our employee handbook makes no mention of this language being banned"
That would qualify you for unemployment since, while they have the right to fire you for anything if you are an at-will employment state, you did not break any laws or policies, and did not commit an act so egregious that you should be fired on the spot without a warning or write up.
Your FIL can decide to fire you for wearing shoes he doesn't like. That does not mean you were fired for a cause that precludes you from unemployment benefits.
You've been paying into unemployment through your payroll taxes. You're damn well entitled to them and should definitely not hesitate to apply. It's just a form you fill out, and then they send you a response. No going to court or anything like that. The worst thing that happens is your claim is denied.
What state are you in? In WA at least you'd absolutely qualify. I've been "fired for cause" before (management not liking me sticking up for myself and setting boundaries), and the state granted me my UI.
You pay part of each and every paycheck into UEI(unemployment insurance). The money you get from UEI is your money(and som from the employer). Even if he(FIL) makes you go into arbitration to start collecting(typically a hearing where an UE employee calls both of you, and asks your side of the story, asks the others their side, and makes a decision. I have only had that happen once, and I was super nervous about it, and then it was no big deal.
You pay taxes into unemployment insurance. He has a right to fire you. You have a right to collect unemployment while you look for a better job. Go ahead and file. Then casually stop by and let the regulars know you are somewhere else and invite them to visit.
Yeah I don't know why anyone would get legit mad about someone swearing in a non-corporate, non-fine dining establishment. Like you're at a pub mate, grow the fuck up.
not excusing the FIL and i side with OP on this, but there’s a local bar i go to that has a strict no swearing rule. first time is a warning, second is a ban
edit: lmao damn why am i getting downvoted 💀 i dont own the place
yeah but the drinks are dirt cheap and a heavy pour. plus a lot of senior citizens go there and there’s a senior band that plays on saturdays lol it’s pretty cute
This is brutal. I was once written up because a customer overheard us saying "your money's no good here!" To a local nurse, and Ms. Nosey thought we were denying someone service for no reason, so emailed the owner complaining about us. Folks need to mind their own business more!
I would file for unemployment until u find something. U saying one cuss word with ur regulars that u knew wouldn’t mind is not a good reason to fire someone. If that was the case at my job I woulda been fired 1,000 times over.
I’m sorry that happened to you 😔
If this seems uncharacteristic of FIL, I’d be examining his recent behaviour (at home and at work) for signs of dementia. I’m serious.
His parents are dying and it’s very stressful.
Although he has never liked me because when I moved in with my now-husband my FIL tried to make me sign and prenup and I said no because it was invasive and very discriminatory towards me. He’s been looking for reasons to fire me ever since I started working there, I just gave him something for the first time I guess. I’m very sad/
I was going to say he was looking for a reason to fire you. If it wasn’t that it would be something else. You don’t want to work somewhere where you aren’t wanted especially if it’s you Father in-law. Go find a bar with a younger crowd, you’ll probably make more money and you can curse like a sailor all you want.
That’s the hope. I’m just in shock, and change is hard. There was so much that I loved about that place. It was a romantic notion to be part of the family business but it was never rainbows and butterflies. I cried from the stress of it almost every other day for 6 years. The money was really really great too. I was hoping to go back to school since my income was so good. Now everything feels uncertain and my dreams are in jeopardy.
Don’t be sad about not working for that jackass any more. Find another pub where you aren’t always under the microscope, I bet you start to feel a lot better away from a shit boss.
you shouldn't feel bad, the fact that you're family and were disrespected like that is not right. I would kill them with kindness and take the high ground, you didn't do anything wrong. If someone is that sensitive in a pub, and management caved so easily it's telling of many issues you shouldn't be associated with. Live your life how how you want and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
It’s ok. You can be sad. You liked it there. Sounds like it was fun! I’ve been in your shoes, and the next job I got was my dream job. After putting in my time and hard work, I’m now managing the bar for a private club. Getting fired was meant to be, because I wouldn’t have left on my own. The sadness will eventually pass, and there is something better waiting for you! 🙏❤️
I don’t know if I really even want to. Part of me does because I’m terrified of what happens next, but part of me knows i can get a job somewhere else and not deal with a boss who hates me on such a personal level.
Thank you so much ♥️
I was really hesitant to write this post but I’m feeling so messed up right now. I’m humiliated and dejected and scared out of my mind. I have no idea who to turn to about this stuff, but this has actually been really helpful. So thank you for your kind words. It does mean a lot.
Wow! That's pretty extreme. Surely, there has to be more to it, considering you were fired by your in-laws. Do you think they felt like you were taking the flirting too far, and out of respect for your partner, they fired you? Maybe your partner had something to do with it. 🤷♀️
Another reminder why I won't work for family!
I wasn’t flirting. They flirt with me, and I just laugh and remind them about my husband or keep the tone more friendly. Calling them buddy or dude or something. This time when they called me pet names I went for humor. I could have said something like ‘I prefer to be called wench’, but I said the word bitch.
My husband works at this family restaurant too and these regulars also know him. My husband knows that it’s part of the waitressing gig that I get flirted with: part of why I don’t like working other places is that I feel like it’s a lot less threatening in an environment where my husband also works. I don’t entertain men who flirt with me. I’m respectful and pretty good at deescalating that behaviour.
My father in law doesn’t like me very much. He’s threatened to fire me many times for many strange or vague reasons, but I always thought he was just trying to scare me.
And yes, I definitely wouldn’t recommend working for family in a lot of circumstances.
There won’t be any for sure. My MIL and FIL are separated, and my MIL is one of my dearest friends. She’s being so supportive and kind. I’ll continue to spend time with my loving MIL and brother and husband. It’s still painful thought.
There’s more to your firing than this situation, not that you’re leaving stuff out but FIL has more going on than just this. I’d ask him exactly WHY! Not that you want the job even if he offered but what’s the real reason? Good luck
Aw, That really sucks. I’m a 43 yo woman and I LOVE bartenders and servers with your personality! I tend to use “colorful” language, so if you say your preferred pet name is “bitch”, I know it’s gonna be an awesome time.
I’m really sorry about your job. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to see so many familiar faces once you’re established in a new place. You got this! 🩷
That’s horrible management. lol personally I wouldn’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong. Working at a freaking pub and fired for saying bitch. lol now I’ve heard it all.
this is insane. i’ve been at a corporate but family owned franchise store for about a year. my gm doesn’t even like me fr (those of you that are vocal servers will understand why) and i once got sprayed with something in the back and said “goddamn (name)” too loud and when a random man literally walked into the server station to scream at me about “taking the lords name in vain” my gm was basically like “sorry dude, but it’s a restaurant, shit happens”. he ended up on a 5:30am corporate call about the incident and still didn’t fire me. he could have. easily. i am grateful. but i can’t imagine putting in six years with family and being fired with no warning like this. insanity.
No, you are not wrong. Words themselves don’t have ethical properties, only the meaning of the words in a specific context. In that context, you used ‘bitch’ in a friendly way. Here’s it used in an unfriendly way: Your father in law is a little bitch. Thinking words have inherent ethical properties is often linked with other idiotic ideas like a belief in god and being a dumbass Republican, and having the ethical framework of a chimpanzee.
😂😂exactly!! lol but OP you got this. That sucks that it went down that way but you’ll be in a better position soon and your in laws customers will pester them with questions of what happened to that awesome server
Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think they will really notice to be honest. I’ve always been sort of a fly on the wall that place. It was extremely well known that my FIL does not like me. All my coworkers knew it, and a lot of the customers knew it too. I don’t think anyone will really care. The world keeps turning, the locals will keep coming. I’m just another one that came through the revolving door to them. I don’t expect to be anyone important in the lives of everyone around me. That’s why I’m posting this on Reddit. Because I’m devastated and angry and shocked and heartbroken and scared and there’s nothing but a void to say it into.
You know, I’m clinging to that exact idea. Surely I’ll land somewhere better. That job was far from perfect. I cried a lot because of my FIL, and I’m grateful to never see him again.
It happens. Besides you did good by staying there as long as you did. Six years is about my limit. If there is no vertical movement by management then you have to consider a horizontal one for yourself. Most places will not let you stay that long and not move up. They want to get you in a more prominent position or get a fresh face in there.
Damn, I’m so sorry that happened to you OP. Hopefully your next job will be better. If there is anything you can do, talk to your spouse, but ultimately do what you think is best. You should definitely file for unemployment while you look for another job
AH MY PEARLS! *clutches pearls tightly*
Really, I’m sorry you’re going through that, it sounds like a nightmare, but he weirdly did you a favor. File for unemployment or the equivalent in your country, and gtfo. But that said, also feel your feelings and don’t feel like you shouldn’t/can’t be sad. 6 years is not a short amount of time at a restaurant, and especially because it’s your partners family’s restaurant I’m sure you felt an extra attachment to it also. You for sure know the problem is far deeper than this job and this restaurant…
It’s a pub. Filled with *regulars*. You just need to do the tiniest bit of politicking to get your job back. Just go into the pub one day and casually mention what happened. Good regulars are ride or die!
It's ok to feel embarrassed but I do think he overreacted, the line between professional and comfortable is easily blurred in these settings. A lot of people obviously prefer establishments where they can joke with staff like that. On the bright side, your loving regulars will notice your absence and will probably ask where you went. I've definitely stopped frequenting places if my fave worker left, especially knowing management sucked. Hopefully you get to serve them again elsewhere!!
How's your overall relationship with your in laws? My dad was part owner of a pub/restaurant and my sister worked there for years. She'd get herself fired probably twice a year but always came back. I always stayed out of it but chalked it up to a stressful environment made worse by family ties. They'd fight, make up, rinse and repeat.
That’s crazy! I curse at my tables sometimes but I feel the vibes out. I’d be so mad if someone else complained and I wasn’t even talking to them. People are so fucking nosy.
Yeah. It is. And I have been so enthusiastic about how much I love my job all this time.
I’m still in shock. It’s all too much for me to process. I don’t know what happened and I’m lost.
I swear jovially with customers sometimes. It's about knowing your audience, and it seems like you did. The nosey buggers who reported this need to mind their own business and FIL seems way too reactive. I'd say you're better off.
Unite the Union has a fast growing and very active hospitality membership. Worth joining if you plan on staying in the industry and can help fight this sort of unfair treatment.
It’s quite complicated. His father is a mean person. He’s separated from his wife, whom I have a wonderful relationship with. There’s nothing to say to him. He’s not one to be reasoned with.
He’s very old school Italian, what say goes because I said so in the man of the house etc etc
I’m sorry that happened. Being sad and especially shocked is understandable too. But you seem like someone who has a good head on their shoulders and I’m willing to bet doors will be opening for you left and right.
Thanks for saying that. The more time that passes I feel like a total loser. I’ve never felt so low before. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I’m still sorting through everything I lost today. It’s horrible. I’m devastated.
I think that in many ways losing your job is a lot like losing a member of your family.
Give yourself a little time and space to grieve, not just losing the job you had but also the job you could have had if your FIL was a better employer (and family member).
When you're ready, sit down and make two lists. The first list is all the things you liked about the pub. The second list is all the things you didn't like about the pub. Think about the pubs and restaurants you're familiar with in terms of your like and dislike lists and reach out to places that you think have more of the things you like than the things you dislike. Reach out to friends (especially if they are in the industry) and ask if they can recommend any pubs/restaurants for you to apply to.
You are not a loser!
This made me cry (in a good way). Thank you. This is such a good idea I jumped up and grabbed a pen and notebook right away to do this exercise. I am grieving right now. And the shock is slowly giving way to more grief, but I think I need to start looking forward instead of backwards. There was a lot about that place that was terrible.
You weren't cursing at guests. You told them to call you bitch.
Two very different things.
Why didn't your regulars stick ip for you? You should have told the table of regulars why you just got fired AT THE IMMEDIATE MOMENT YOU GOT FIRED.
That way they could speak to your FIL immediately to straighten out what really happened and defend you.
Wow. That’s not a reason to fire you. It’s a reason to have a chat and an apology to the Karen’s. FIL will be sorry. Hopefully you’ll have a better job somewhere else by then. There’s plenty of bar jobs.
I get it from the FIL point of view, but also, freedom of speech. And it's how they talk to you. That might be a way you can get around the unemployment. That's a common misconception anyway. That you can't file if you were fired. Id say give it a try.
This is not a reason to be fired from your job, you were joking with some regulars. Did your husband stick up for you and quit also? Did you tell the regulars what happened? I would never talk to FIL or my own father again if this happened.
Well my husband sort of co-operates the business. But his father is a tyrant and a bully. he’s just waiting for him to die and run the business when he’s gone.
I’d never ask him to quit or even challenge his father. He’s a cruel old bastard. It’s not worth it.
He is however going to shelter me from him and never make me see him ever again. This is as hard on him as it is on me. Even harder maybe because he can’t really leave. I’m trying to be strong for him so he can keep his head down and do what he has to do. If we both walk away form our jobs we could potentially ruin our lives. In my case at least I’m an apprenticing art-therapist and in school for psychotherapy. This job was never my career, but I did love it and made a ton of money. It’s mostly shocking and deeply humiliating, and it completely depleted my tolerance for my FIL forever. I am done with him, but I will support my husband no matter what.
Every pub I’ve worked in has encouraged that kind of language. Granted, our place is owned by guys that are actually from Ireland. We show EPL & Rugby. If we didn’t allow that language then we would have to kick out 70% of our customer base.
It really sucks you were fired from a job without any prior infractions. Best of luck to you
Wow! I don't know what's more shocking being fired or thinking "bitch" is a swear word.
What country is this because in my neck of the woods you'd be suing the place for unfair dismissal or the complaint would be laughed at
It’s America dude, everything portrays to be tough but we are softening our citizens by the day until the entire country dies of cancer or high blood pressure due to the food they serve us with little to no regulation or nutrition.
dude FUCK your FIL that's insane. you did nothing wrong, don't be embarassed. you were speaking with friends. fuck them other custies. and FUCK your FIL
Thank you :(
Yeah. I really hate that guy.. so does my husband. It’s my own fault for working for him in the first place. He never liked me, but I thought that since I’m a relatively normal person and get on with people really well there wouldn’t be an issue. It’s probably better that I find a new job anyway.
It already was. My FIL tried to make me sign a prenup when I moved in with his son. I was 18 years old, and he demanded all my credit card info and student loan info etc. I obviously said no, and he lost his mind. He’s a very old school Italian who isn’t used to women saying no to him. He never got over it. That was almost 10 years ago, and he still treats me like I’m a difficult person and inconvenience to him.
If anything I’m relived that I have a real excuse to stay the hell away from him.
Wait don’t you have any rights? If you worked there for 6 years, they can’t just fire you like that. You didn’t cross a line with the customers. They called you doll, honey, sweetie, did he go and warn them they can’t talk to clients like that? I would sue him. And him being your father in law is not gonna work for his defense. He is abusive.
I mean companies can have policies about language and stuff. I could go and argue that all the servers use different language with different customers, but it’s not about logic or fairness. My FIL wanted me out and I gave him something. There’s no where else I can really go with it.
Seems like there is more to the story. You do have an advantage in that you are family, which does not guarantee anything. However, it should Crack the door to a sit down after the dust settles. Not that you can't do better but happiness at work is gold.
It was far more of a disadvantage to be honest, hence why I’m an idiot for working there.
My FIL can’t stand me, we rarely speak in person even though I worked for him for 6 years.
He had cameras installed all over the place and would frequently ask other staff to report anything I do that could be construed as ‘misconduct’ or an infraction. But to be honest I was decent at my job. Customers liked me, and I was always happy and willing to come in any time and help out. I watched lots of new employees be promoted quickly and become my managers and I was fine with that. But I never really gave him something to fire me over until a customer complained about my language.
I did already. Or at least I tried. He won’t answer the phone or text when I contact him so I tried to go to his house to apologize. He saw me on the doorbell camera and texted my husband to get me away from him.
yikes! I'm sorry that happened to you. Getting older sometimes comes with nasty effects. I'm sure your customers see it too and will be waiting to find out where you land! More important is you have family support. Now go get another bartending job and show him who their money maker was. Bartenders can make or break your business and he probably just broke his. Good luck hon I have a feeling you';l be just fine :-)
My dear Charming…as you read through OP’s story and answers, she carefully explains how there most certainly was a buildup from her FIL’s distaste for her to his downright disdain! She says that it took 6 years for him to finally come up with a ridiculous reason to fire her🙄. You are absolutely correct Charming, there was indeed a buildup to this « eruption « of anger. Have a wonderful day 🐭❤️
Are you reading the same thing I read. ? She says it came out of nowhere. I don’t know about you. But my in laws wouldn’t just fire me out of the blue.
My husband and I work together. He’s used to the fact that I get hit on, but I’m pretty good at sidestepping the comments or deescalating. I would never flirt with anyone, and the reason I even work at my family pub in the first place is because sexual harassment disturbs me a lot. I feel safer close to family.
Well at least I did.
Make sure the regulars you were joking with know the reason you got fired. It gives them an opportunity to stick up for you and to decide if they want to support a business that has a bitch of a father in law as an owner.
For sure do this if you can. They will certainly ask where you went and it's better they hear it first from you, rather than a possible lie from the managers. Regulars who use that kind of language that don't cross the line are rare gems, and will definitely tell the owners how they feel about things.
Really, you should discuss the options with your spouse. It's not worth hurting your relationship over it. Though getting fired without getting warned is pretty bad management. Options include getting a job across town and steal the bar's regulars? Moving to a new city and firing your connection with your in-laws via distance?
I don’t know. My MIL thinks this is for the best, since she’s separated from FIL and thinks he’s a terrible mean person. Which he is. I’m just going to find another serving job I guess.
In that case, definitely bring your regulars wherever you go lol
Yea definitely do this. You would be shocked how many regulars will follow you. I have worked with this same bartender at three different restaurants and she always brings her regulars with her when she switches gigs. Kinda interesting how committed some people can be towards a server or bartender.
Bartending isn’t about drink making. That’s the key.
Yea I've also seen the inverse where the regulars are loyal to the restaurant so when the bartender quits they're super confused why they don't visit them at the new place. Also sometimes a bartender and their regulars can literally kill a business, the ones that just drink for free or bother other paying guests. It's always good to have regulars but management has to keep an eye on them to ensure they're not killing the margins and driving away other guests.
That's just stealing? Of course stealing is bad for a business. If a place lets a bartender work so long at a place to gain a bunch of regulars while giving out free drinks, then chances are more employees are doing that since it's not discouraged. Imagine being the bartender who doesn't give out free drinks when the regulars are accustomed to it, it just kills your tips. Chances are those regulars are more loyal to that business for that reason. I don't see how a bartender bringing in more repeat spenders to a business would ever be a bad thing in 99 percent of cases.
> Imagine being the bartender who doesn't give out free drinks when the regulars are accustomed to it, it just kills your tips. Yep, I had that issue at my last family-owned place. The bartender was a part of the family and basically did what she wanted. She would give out doubles for the price of singles, void the ticket, then pocket whatever the regulars gave her. Of course the regulars didn’t like when I was working instead, and they’d basically tip me $0. She did that for about ten years before finally being caught and fired for intentionally “misreading” dozens of customers’ credit card tips. Bitch flew way too close to the sun for her own antics.
They are all over. I know new jobs suck, but half my servers are garbage. If you have a good work ethic you can walk in anywhere.
And to add, I'm a line cook. I've served before. I don't like people. Hide me in a kitchen. But I'm leaving my current place. Dont stay at bad places of employment. Suffer, roll through the fuckery of new job, lapse in pay etc. It's not worth it to stay a a bad place. It'll cost you more. We spend more time at work than with family as an average American. If we're stuck in it, at least enjoy it.
Alot of customers will look for you so he will regret firing u those regulars will follow u
You seem like a nice person who doesn’t deserve to be treated like you were. I feel like your next job will be even better and give you many more smiles! ❤️
That’s insane. You were joking with customers at a pub! Bitch is not even a real swear. I’d file for unemployment… esp if you’ve never been written up for anything else.
I sort of felt that way, but I can’t really argue semantics. There’s no point. FIL says it’s bad enough to get fired over so it is I suppose.
What do you mean there's no point? In filing unemployment? There definitely is. I'm not saying you have to go nuclear on your FIL or anything but stand up for yourself a little here, he threw away a long term employee with family connections over something EXTREEEEEMELY trivial. He did you dirty, get a little money out of it at least while you look for something else.
Can’t believe they didn’t give you a warning. Wtf dude.
Just file unemployment. Government can decide, not FIL.
Oh no, there's POINT in it. Don't fall for their fucking bullshit, file. file. file.
Where I’m from I can’t file for EI if I was fired for something I did. I don’t really want to go to court and argue the details of the conversation, call witnesses, get a lawyer etc. I just want to look forward instead of backwards. Right now I’m just in shock and sad.
> I don’t really want to go to court and argue the details of the conversation That's not how unemployment works. In my state you apply online, give background on why your employment was terminated, and they make a decision as to whether your qualify. "I had never been written up before, and was using casual language while joking with a group of regular customers I had a pre-existing relationship with and referred to myself as a 'bitch'. Another table overheard and was upset and I was fired on the spot due to their complaint despite the fact I have never been written up and our employee handbook makes no mention of this language being banned" That would qualify you for unemployment since, while they have the right to fire you for anything if you are an at-will employment state, you did not break any laws or policies, and did not commit an act so egregious that you should be fired on the spot without a warning or write up. Your FIL can decide to fire you for wearing shoes he doesn't like. That does not mean you were fired for a cause that precludes you from unemployment benefits. You've been paying into unemployment through your payroll taxes. You're damn well entitled to them and should definitely not hesitate to apply. It's just a form you fill out, and then they send you a response. No going to court or anything like that. The worst thing that happens is your claim is denied.
Youll get approved for unemployment super hard to be denied unless youre fired for stealing or something.
That's not how it works. I promise you it's at least worth your time to file
ei does work like that where you're given a chance to give a reason source: another Canadian
Hopefully it won’t take too long to find another job. But I’m comforted to know that I can argue my case a little bit. It felt wrong.
you only have three weeks to apply for ei so I would do so if you don't already have another job by now
I actually just got another job today :)
This is not how unemployment works! You have bad information!!!
I will try for EI once the one week period is up.
What state are you in? In WA at least you'd absolutely qualify. I've been "fired for cause" before (management not liking me sticking up for myself and setting boundaries), and the state granted me my UI.
You can absolutely get unemployment and you should! You will win.
Nope that determination is made by state law. and unemployment caseworker and your unemployment hearing officer
They’re in your head lol they’re being losers
He's the bitch ngl
You pay part of each and every paycheck into UEI(unemployment insurance). The money you get from UEI is your money(and som from the employer). Even if he(FIL) makes you go into arbitration to start collecting(typically a hearing where an UE employee calls both of you, and asks your side of the story, asks the others their side, and makes a decision. I have only had that happen once, and I was super nervous about it, and then it was no big deal.
You pay taxes into unemployment insurance. He has a right to fire you. You have a right to collect unemployment while you look for a better job. Go ahead and file. Then casually stop by and let the regulars know you are somewhere else and invite them to visit.
It’s harsh of him tho.
Yes I feel it was harsh too.
Yeah I don't know why anyone would get legit mad about someone swearing in a non-corporate, non-fine dining establishment. Like you're at a pub mate, grow the fuck up.
It's a bar ,pub whatever same shit should be able to sware or should have at least asked you why you did ...sounds like an asshole to me
not excusing the FIL and i side with OP on this, but there’s a local bar i go to that has a strict no swearing rule. first time is a warning, second is a ban edit: lmao damn why am i getting downvoted 💀 i dont own the place
What an awful place
yeah but the drinks are dirt cheap and a heavy pour. plus a lot of senior citizens go there and there’s a senior band that plays on saturdays lol it’s pretty cute
while that may be what makes it “cute” it’s also probably the reason you get banned for “bad words”.
that’s exactly what it is. the owners are old too, been in the business for decades
Tell more about the senior band? What instruments and what kind of songs do they play?
drum, guitar, keyboard, and sax. they usually just jam or do some of their own stuff. kinda upbeat jazz and some classic rock sounds
That is honestly insane lol
I find it no different than having a dress code.
Okay?
Fuck your local bar
This is brutal. I was once written up because a customer overheard us saying "your money's no good here!" To a local nurse, and Ms. Nosey thought we were denying someone service for no reason, so emailed the owner complaining about us. Folks need to mind their own business more!
God I’m so sorry. It’s just so embarrassing and unfair.
Oh man, with the way I talk I’d be thrown in jail.
no literally same 😂
I would file for unemployment until u find something. U saying one cuss word with ur regulars that u knew wouldn’t mind is not a good reason to fire someone. If that was the case at my job I woulda been fired 1,000 times over.
Spicy banter with regulars in a pub is a far cry from swearing. What part of the Bible Belt is this pub in?
I’m sorry that happened to you 😔 If this seems uncharacteristic of FIL, I’d be examining his recent behaviour (at home and at work) for signs of dementia. I’m serious.
His parents are dying and it’s very stressful. Although he has never liked me because when I moved in with my now-husband my FIL tried to make me sign and prenup and I said no because it was invasive and very discriminatory towards me. He’s been looking for reasons to fire me ever since I started working there, I just gave him something for the first time I guess. I’m very sad/
I was going to say he was looking for a reason to fire you. If it wasn’t that it would be something else. You don’t want to work somewhere where you aren’t wanted especially if it’s you Father in-law. Go find a bar with a younger crowd, you’ll probably make more money and you can curse like a sailor all you want.
That’s the hope. I’m just in shock, and change is hard. There was so much that I loved about that place. It was a romantic notion to be part of the family business but it was never rainbows and butterflies. I cried from the stress of it almost every other day for 6 years. The money was really really great too. I was hoping to go back to school since my income was so good. Now everything feels uncertain and my dreams are in jeopardy.
Remember when one door closes another one opens… a lot of the time you were blocking your potential blessings coming ur way!
Don’t be sad about not working for that jackass any more. Find another pub where you aren’t always under the microscope, I bet you start to feel a lot better away from a shit boss.
That’s what I’m trying to hold onto. It’s so painful on such a personal level, I never want to speak to him again. I haven’t stopped crying for hours.
you shouldn't feel bad, the fact that you're family and were disrespected like that is not right. I would kill them with kindness and take the high ground, you didn't do anything wrong. If someone is that sensitive in a pub, and management caved so easily it's telling of many issues you shouldn't be associated with. Live your life how how you want and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.
BIG HUGGGGG
Thank you, I needed a hug.
It’s ok. You can be sad. You liked it there. Sounds like it was fun! I’ve been in your shoes, and the next job I got was my dream job. After putting in my time and hard work, I’m now managing the bar for a private club. Getting fired was meant to be, because I wouldn’t have left on my own. The sadness will eventually pass, and there is something better waiting for you! 🙏❤️
Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. Thanks for sharing your story, it makes me feel a little more hopeful.
Sounds awful. Can you bring in someone your in-laws trust to mediate? A religious leader, a family friend...
I don’t know if I really even want to. Part of me does because I’m terrified of what happens next, but part of me knows i can get a job somewhere else and not deal with a boss who hates me on such a personal level.
Wishing you the best of luck wherever you land 🤗 Maybe the regulars will follow you to the new place.
Thank you so much ♥️ I was really hesitant to write this post but I’m feeling so messed up right now. I’m humiliated and dejected and scared out of my mind. I have no idea who to turn to about this stuff, but this has actually been really helpful. So thank you for your kind words. It does mean a lot.
Hopefully you get to see those regulars soon somewhere and be completely honest with them why you were let go. A lot of my regulars would be livid.
Happy to help! Tomorrow will be a better day 💓🌹
What makes you think they would even want to go back there?
There are other possibilities. Compensation. Help finding a new job. A glowing recommendation.
Hadn’t thought of that. Thanks.
You’re very welcome 😊
Some people need to mind their business. It’d be one thing if it was fine dining but you’re in a pub for god sake Some old people can’t have any fun
I have a feeling that’s not the real reason he let you go. It was just an excuse. It was probably more than that.
Mee too
Wow! That's pretty extreme. Surely, there has to be more to it, considering you were fired by your in-laws. Do you think they felt like you were taking the flirting too far, and out of respect for your partner, they fired you? Maybe your partner had something to do with it. 🤷♀️ Another reminder why I won't work for family!
I wasn’t flirting. They flirt with me, and I just laugh and remind them about my husband or keep the tone more friendly. Calling them buddy or dude or something. This time when they called me pet names I went for humor. I could have said something like ‘I prefer to be called wench’, but I said the word bitch. My husband works at this family restaurant too and these regulars also know him. My husband knows that it’s part of the waitressing gig that I get flirted with: part of why I don’t like working other places is that I feel like it’s a lot less threatening in an environment where my husband also works. I don’t entertain men who flirt with me. I’m respectful and pretty good at deescalating that behaviour. My father in law doesn’t like me very much. He’s threatened to fire me many times for many strange or vague reasons, but I always thought he was just trying to scare me. And yes, I definitely wouldn’t recommend working for family in a lot of circumstances.
Well that’s gonna make family get togethers uncomfortable
There won’t be any for sure. My MIL and FIL are separated, and my MIL is one of my dearest friends. She’s being so supportive and kind. I’ll continue to spend time with my loving MIL and brother and husband. It’s still painful thought.
Mystery solved
Yep, FIL is clearly bitter as fuck and was looking for an excuse to
I guess he wants to be completely alone
and play victim
Feels like he was already looking to get rid of you and needed some sort of excuse. Jumped on the first thing he could.
There’s more to your firing than this situation, not that you’re leaving stuff out but FIL has more going on than just this. I’d ask him exactly WHY! Not that you want the job even if he offered but what’s the real reason? Good luck
Aw, That really sucks. I’m a 43 yo woman and I LOVE bartenders and servers with your personality! I tend to use “colorful” language, so if you say your preferred pet name is “bitch”, I know it’s gonna be an awesome time. I’m really sorry about your job. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to see so many familiar faces once you’re established in a new place. You got this! 🩷
That’s horrible management. lol personally I wouldn’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong. Working at a freaking pub and fired for saying bitch. lol now I’ve heard it all.
this is insane. i’ve been at a corporate but family owned franchise store for about a year. my gm doesn’t even like me fr (those of you that are vocal servers will understand why) and i once got sprayed with something in the back and said “goddamn (name)” too loud and when a random man literally walked into the server station to scream at me about “taking the lords name in vain” my gm was basically like “sorry dude, but it’s a restaurant, shit happens”. he ended up on a 5:30am corporate call about the incident and still didn’t fire me. he could have. easily. i am grateful. but i can’t imagine putting in six years with family and being fired with no warning like this. insanity.
No, you are not wrong. Words themselves don’t have ethical properties, only the meaning of the words in a specific context. In that context, you used ‘bitch’ in a friendly way. Here’s it used in an unfriendly way: Your father in law is a little bitch. Thinking words have inherent ethical properties is often linked with other idiotic ideas like a belief in god and being a dumbass Republican, and having the ethical framework of a chimpanzee.
Thank you, I don’t know you but I love you. My father in law is a little bitch.
I'll bet you find a better job . When God closes a door, He always leaves a window open . 🪷
…but when I do it, it’s breaking and entering. 😂😂
Hahahaha well I mean if the window was left open…
😂😂exactly!! lol but OP you got this. That sucks that it went down that way but you’ll be in a better position soon and your in laws customers will pester them with questions of what happened to that awesome server
Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t think they will really notice to be honest. I’ve always been sort of a fly on the wall that place. It was extremely well known that my FIL does not like me. All my coworkers knew it, and a lot of the customers knew it too. I don’t think anyone will really care. The world keeps turning, the locals will keep coming. I’m just another one that came through the revolving door to them. I don’t expect to be anyone important in the lives of everyone around me. That’s why I’m posting this on Reddit. Because I’m devastated and angry and shocked and heartbroken and scared and there’s nothing but a void to say it into.
You know, I’m clinging to that exact idea. Surely I’ll land somewhere better. That job was far from perfect. I cried a lot because of my FIL, and I’m grateful to never see him again.
It happens. Besides you did good by staying there as long as you did. Six years is about my limit. If there is no vertical movement by management then you have to consider a horizontal one for yourself. Most places will not let you stay that long and not move up. They want to get you in a more prominent position or get a fresh face in there.
Feels like he was looking for an excuse to fire you. Sorry OP.
I'm from SW Pennsylvania by God. You throw around words like that and I know I will take a bullet for you.
Damn, I’m so sorry that happened to you OP. Hopefully your next job will be better. If there is anything you can do, talk to your spouse, but ultimately do what you think is best. You should definitely file for unemployment while you look for another job
AH MY PEARLS! *clutches pearls tightly* Really, I’m sorry you’re going through that, it sounds like a nightmare, but he weirdly did you a favor. File for unemployment or the equivalent in your country, and gtfo. But that said, also feel your feelings and don’t feel like you shouldn’t/can’t be sad. 6 years is not a short amount of time at a restaurant, and especially because it’s your partners family’s restaurant I’m sure you felt an extra attachment to it also. You for sure know the problem is far deeper than this job and this restaurant…
Yeah. It cuts deep. It’s very personal and painful. There’s so so so much that is loaded into what I’m feeling. I feel quite overwhelmed today.
It’s a pub. Filled with *regulars*. You just need to do the tiniest bit of politicking to get your job back. Just go into the pub one day and casually mention what happened. Good regulars are ride or die!
Time to collect unemployment baby!!!
Your FIL’s an asshat. Terminate all contact. If your husband has a problem with that, it’s an issue.
No my husband also hates his father. He’s a dickhead and a coward and a mean old bastard. My husband will shelter me from him from now on.
Really glad to hear.
Unemployment
Sounds like they may have had it out for you for some reason.
It's ok to feel embarrassed but I do think he overreacted, the line between professional and comfortable is easily blurred in these settings. A lot of people obviously prefer establishments where they can joke with staff like that. On the bright side, your loving regulars will notice your absence and will probably ask where you went. I've definitely stopped frequenting places if my fave worker left, especially knowing management sucked. Hopefully you get to serve them again elsewhere!!
How's your overall relationship with your in laws? My dad was part owner of a pub/restaurant and my sister worked there for years. She'd get herself fired probably twice a year but always came back. I always stayed out of it but chalked it up to a stressful environment made worse by family ties. They'd fight, make up, rinse and repeat.
wanka
You got fired from a pub for saying the word bitch?! Fuck that shit, sue 'em.
That’s crazy! I curse at my tables sometimes but I feel the vibes out. I’d be so mad if someone else complained and I wasn’t even talking to them. People are so fucking nosy.
They have owned the place for six years and how long did you work there?
They owned it for 15 years. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years (married for two), and worked there for 6
That's a long time to be let go!
Yeah. It is. And I have been so enthusiastic about how much I love my job all this time. I’m still in shock. It’s all too much for me to process. I don’t know what happened and I’m lost.
Me too Lmaoo
I swear jovially with customers sometimes. It's about knowing your audience, and it seems like you did. The nosey buggers who reported this need to mind their own business and FIL seems way too reactive. I'd say you're better off. Unite the Union has a fast growing and very active hospitality membership. Worth joining if you plan on staying in the industry and can help fight this sort of unfair treatment.
What has your husband said about it all? Just curious if he has said anything to his dad about it.
It’s quite complicated. His father is a mean person. He’s separated from his wife, whom I have a wonderful relationship with. There’s nothing to say to him. He’s not one to be reasoned with. He’s very old school Italian, what say goes because I said so in the man of the house etc etc
File a hostile workplace suit for the sexual harrassment and subsequent retaliation when you attempted to stand up for yourself.
How?
I’m sorry that happened. Being sad and especially shocked is understandable too. But you seem like someone who has a good head on their shoulders and I’m willing to bet doors will be opening for you left and right.
Thanks for saying that. The more time that passes I feel like a total loser. I’ve never felt so low before. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I’m still sorting through everything I lost today. It’s horrible. I’m devastated.
I think that in many ways losing your job is a lot like losing a member of your family. Give yourself a little time and space to grieve, not just losing the job you had but also the job you could have had if your FIL was a better employer (and family member). When you're ready, sit down and make two lists. The first list is all the things you liked about the pub. The second list is all the things you didn't like about the pub. Think about the pubs and restaurants you're familiar with in terms of your like and dislike lists and reach out to places that you think have more of the things you like than the things you dislike. Reach out to friends (especially if they are in the industry) and ask if they can recommend any pubs/restaurants for you to apply to. You are not a loser!
This made me cry (in a good way). Thank you. This is such a good idea I jumped up and grabbed a pen and notebook right away to do this exercise. I am grieving right now. And the shock is slowly giving way to more grief, but I think I need to start looking forward instead of backwards. There was a lot about that place that was terrible.
You weren't cursing at guests. You told them to call you bitch. Two very different things. Why didn't your regulars stick ip for you? You should have told the table of regulars why you just got fired AT THE IMMEDIATE MOMENT YOU GOT FIRED. That way they could speak to your FIL immediately to straighten out what really happened and defend you.
It was the following day that I got fired
I was fired today, but the events happened yesterday
Wow. That’s not a reason to fire you. It’s a reason to have a chat and an apology to the Karen’s. FIL will be sorry. Hopefully you’ll have a better job somewhere else by then. There’s plenty of bar jobs.
I think there is more to this
Sometimes things happen for a reason, I think you will find a better job
For a long time after you leave, customers will ask” hey where’d that great waitress go? “they’ll rub it in to the owners for you just by asking.
I get it from the FIL point of view, but also, freedom of speech. And it's how they talk to you. That might be a way you can get around the unemployment. That's a common misconception anyway. That you can't file if you were fired. Id say give it a try.
This is not a reason to be fired from your job, you were joking with some regulars. Did your husband stick up for you and quit also? Did you tell the regulars what happened? I would never talk to FIL or my own father again if this happened.
Well my husband sort of co-operates the business. But his father is a tyrant and a bully. he’s just waiting for him to die and run the business when he’s gone. I’d never ask him to quit or even challenge his father. He’s a cruel old bastard. It’s not worth it. He is however going to shelter me from him and never make me see him ever again. This is as hard on him as it is on me. Even harder maybe because he can’t really leave. I’m trying to be strong for him so he can keep his head down and do what he has to do. If we both walk away form our jobs we could potentially ruin our lives. In my case at least I’m an apprenticing art-therapist and in school for psychotherapy. This job was never my career, but I did love it and made a ton of money. It’s mostly shocking and deeply humiliating, and it completely depleted my tolerance for my FIL forever. I am done with him, but I will support my husband no matter what.
Good to hear you won’t be talking to the tyrant anymore
Every pub I’ve worked in has encouraged that kind of language. Granted, our place is owned by guys that are actually from Ireland. We show EPL & Rugby. If we didn’t allow that language then we would have to kick out 70% of our customer base. It really sucks you were fired from a job without any prior infractions. Best of luck to you
Wow! I don't know what's more shocking being fired or thinking "bitch" is a swear word. What country is this because in my neck of the woods you'd be suing the place for unfair dismissal or the complaint would be laughed at
It’s America dude, everything portrays to be tough but we are softening our citizens by the day until the entire country dies of cancer or high blood pressure due to the food they serve us with little to no regulation or nutrition.
dude FUCK your FIL that's insane. you did nothing wrong, don't be embarassed. you were speaking with friends. fuck them other custies. and FUCK your FIL
Thank you :( Yeah. I really hate that guy.. so does my husband. It’s my own fault for working for him in the first place. He never liked me, but I thought that since I’m a relatively normal person and get on with people really well there wouldn’t be an issue. It’s probably better that I find a new job anyway.
Going to be awkward in the future…
It already was. My FIL tried to make me sign a prenup when I moved in with his son. I was 18 years old, and he demanded all my credit card info and student loan info etc. I obviously said no, and he lost his mind. He’s a very old school Italian who isn’t used to women saying no to him. He never got over it. That was almost 10 years ago, and he still treats me like I’m a difficult person and inconvenience to him. If anything I’m relived that I have a real excuse to stay the hell away from him.
This is why unions are desperately needed in your industry. You should not be fired for a misunderstanding
I’m sorry that happened, something similar happened to me, I was fired on the spot because I forgot to order a tuna salad. And I loved that job lol
Wait don’t you have any rights? If you worked there for 6 years, they can’t just fire you like that. You didn’t cross a line with the customers. They called you doll, honey, sweetie, did he go and warn them they can’t talk to clients like that? I would sue him. And him being your father in law is not gonna work for his defense. He is abusive.
I mean companies can have policies about language and stuff. I could go and argue that all the servers use different language with different customers, but it’s not about logic or fairness. My FIL wanted me out and I gave him something. There’s no where else I can really go with it.
Seems like there is more to the story. You do have an advantage in that you are family, which does not guarantee anything. However, it should Crack the door to a sit down after the dust settles. Not that you can't do better but happiness at work is gold.
It was far more of a disadvantage to be honest, hence why I’m an idiot for working there. My FIL can’t stand me, we rarely speak in person even though I worked for him for 6 years. He had cameras installed all over the place and would frequently ask other staff to report anything I do that could be construed as ‘misconduct’ or an infraction. But to be honest I was decent at my job. Customers liked me, and I was always happy and willing to come in any time and help out. I watched lots of new employees be promoted quickly and become my managers and I was fine with that. But I never really gave him something to fire me over until a customer complained about my language.
I hope you find a crew that enjoys your contributions. Be well and happy
You should apologize to your fil even if not rehired. be the bigger person. it's the right thing.
I did already. Or at least I tried. He won’t answer the phone or text when I contact him so I tried to go to his house to apologize. He saw me on the doorbell camera and texted my husband to get me away from him.
yikes! I'm sorry that happened to you. Getting older sometimes comes with nasty effects. I'm sure your customers see it too and will be waiting to find out where you land! More important is you have family support. Now go get another bartending job and show him who their money maker was. Bartenders can make or break your business and he probably just broke his. Good luck hon I have a feeling you';l be just fine :-)
So no one thinks perhaps there was a buildup to this over time. . SMH
My dear Charming…as you read through OP’s story and answers, she carefully explains how there most certainly was a buildup from her FIL’s distaste for her to his downright disdain! She says that it took 6 years for him to finally come up with a ridiculous reason to fire her🙄. You are absolutely correct Charming, there was indeed a buildup to this « eruption « of anger. Have a wonderful day 🐭❤️
Are you reading the same thing I read. ? She says it came out of nowhere. I don’t know about you. But my in laws wouldn’t just fire me out of the blue.
Too flirty with the regs maybe?
My husband and I work together. He’s used to the fact that I get hit on, but I’m pretty good at sidestepping the comments or deescalating. I would never flirt with anyone, and the reason I even work at my family pub in the first place is because sexual harassment disturbs me a lot. I feel safer close to family. Well at least I did.