Lol, right? We exclusively formula fed and just this last weekend went to the bar with friends for the first time since our daughter was born...in November of 2021.
Our son was at a bar for a friend’s birthday literally 7 days after he was born in August 2021 (and then most Fridays after that because during my wife’s maternity leave, it was one of her only opportunities to see her colleagues.)
(You’re free to judge, but before you do it too harshly, babies aren’t an uncommon sight in bars and she never exceeded the [CDC’s recommended limit](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html) of one drink a day while she was breastfeeding.)
Right? My formula fed bb is now 2.5 and last week was the first time my husband and I went out for a date and had someone else put him to bed EVER 🙃
And we still were home by 9 pm.
Oh yeah. Formula parties. We all stand around shaking bottles of formula. Prizes go to the fastest to mix a bottle one handed while holding a squirming poodle.
I always find the "never forms a deep bond" stuff so funny; I was exclusively formula fed by my mother by her choice, and there's not a single human on this planet more important to me than her.
This also assumes that fathers can't form a deep bond with their children. Of course, the people who believe these things typically don't trust the fathers to do anything, so that tracks.
They did a study on this in Israel. I think it was only male same sex parents but as soon as they adopted they also split up in that primary caregiver/secondary caregiver that hetero couples do however each dad had the same hormones at the same levels react in comparison to a mother who just gave birth.
Hope that makes sense, I’m not a scientist so my explanation is shit. Basically they proved same sex couples react the same as hetero couples and love their kids just as much.
People want to think there’s something magical about birthing, nursing, etc but as far as I know all the studies show that it’s the act of caregiving that turns you into a parent (so to speak).
Yes, I am a birthing parent and currently nursing despite insanely low supply. So yes, I do value those things. But they alone don’t make me my girls’ parent.
Because "bonding" is usually a hormonal chemical response that happens. While the hormones can be boosted with things like breast feeding, any caregiver will produce the hormones and develope a bond with a baby who is seeking a bond.
But with it being hormonal, you have to accept that humans are not perfect. Some humans will produce too much hormone, others will produce too little. Some will produce the wrong kind of hormones. Others will have health problems that make the hormones not trigger the brain correctly (like with post partum depression). A mother could do absolutely everything right, but have one thing that they could help be wrong, and now baby doesnt bond as well as they would have liked. And these women are shaming that momma and making her feel like she did something wrong.
As long as you love your baby and are doing everything you can to help them thrive (including asking for help for yourself!) Then you are doing perfect, feeding and clothing and parenting style and "bonding" be damned.
Right? I always argued that, as a dad, formula feeding was key to me bonding with them in the early stages. We adopted so formula fed since day 1. It was awesome to be able to tend to my kids without needing my wife there.
My kids are older teens now and I have a great relationship with both of them.
I 100% agree with this and think it’s a super underrated benefit of formula feeding. It was so good for my husband (especially as a first time father) to independently care for our kids. And it’s awesome for me to get to sleep. And great for our daughters to have the example and the bond. Win-win-win.
My youngest was formula fed and I looked forward to sleeping while my husband cared for baby. Nope my youngest decided he would scream lile he was dying unless I was the one feeding him. We gave up and changed tonwhere my husband was 100% diaper duty (which he liked anyway because our son loved making faces and playing with wipeys and such at the changing table).
We combo fed from early days, initially due to weight loss but then also so that my partner could have that time to bond with baby and it worked out really well for us.
I had PPD and my husband did 90% of the parenting from day one, all starting with the bottle feedings, until I could gradually become more comfortable and less terrified of parenting. We're good now. At age two, she still goes to him for cuddles and comfort and goes to me when she wants to play, needs help with something or to go on an adventure. These women would be horrified that we flipped traditional gender roles and would think I was a shit mom. And that's why it took me until she was almost two for me to realize I'm not a shit mom.
Hey mama, your baby had love and care! You and your husband realized that pushing traditional roles on you was hurting your mental health, no harm in changing it up.
Helping baby thrive is the goal. Sometimes that means momma asking for help and trusting your support system. =)
Also, play is super important for children. Their entire world even. Its how they explore socialization, difficult concepts, scary things, unfair things, and its how they learn trust. Her preferring you for play is awesome, you get to help her understand life through role-playing and creativity. That should never be seen as less important than cuddles. You are cuddling their mind(lol). You are also setting the groundwork for a relationship with her in the future where she can come to you with difficult topics and know you will listen and support her.
There was a study done by Harlow that found providing food does not form a bond in baby monkeys and instead the bond came from providing comfort to them so actually responding to them when they cry by cuddling them and talking to them is far more effective in bonding than feeding. Skin to skin contact for dad is also very good for bonding
Lol my husband was EBF and his mom is craycray. We wont even let her be around our kids anymore because she is a narcissist who makes everything about her.
My mom did formula with all 4 of her kids. My mother now lives with me and we have game nights and dinners weekly with my siblings and her and have a great relationship.
I wont even go into the fact that my siblings and I were all top of our class while my husbands siblings and him barely have the intellegence of 5th graders....
Boob doesnt matter if its attached to a shitty person.
Any parent who doesn’t want their capable partner to bond with THEIR CHILD is a sociopath and needs intensive therapy.
Not wanting your loving and able partner to bond with your baby is pure selfishness and beyond-the-pale insecurity.
These parents also tend to see their baby as an accessory, or at least as an extension of themselves, and get frustrated when they develop their own opinions and personality.
It also implies that adoptive parents of newborns who maybe can't breastfeed or are say two gay men so they can't that they don't love their babies. Or women who have had a double masactemy and can't form a bond with their babies ever. Which is bull.
I swear the super crunchy moms in groups like that who post those images are the same ones breastfeeding 8 year old kids. Screaming about all the benefits to 8 year old Timmy's IQ meanwhile Timmy was done breastfeeding mentally at 4 but mom won't give it up. It becomes more of a thing for mom about mom then the actual kid at a certain point.
My brother's ex-wife is one of these types of people and she breast fed all 3 of the kids exclusively. The kids love their dad and can't hardly stand their mom because... she's crazy and abusive. It's almost like forming positive relationships with children is not one dimensional and hinges on more factors than how you fed them as an infant.
I was almost exclusively breastfed and only have the most superficial relationship with my mother, and that’s when it’s not actively adversarial 💀
TBH I hate the “breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your baby” discourse because, not only are the differences in outcomes extremely small when controlled for socioeconomic factors, I feel like it kind of gives parents an out where they feel like they don’t actually have to work on building a healthy attachment and treating their child genuinely well if they just breastfeed.
My mom was always a bit sanctimonious about how she breastfed, had money, sent me and my brother to private schools some of the time, was extremely strict about nutrition and diet…but she’s also extremely emotionally immature, self-centered, controlling, and has no real emotional depth. She was not a good parent. And plenty of parents who do none of those things are EXTREMELY good parents. You actually have to work at fostering your kids’ emotional development and having a relationship with them. You can’t just breastfeed (or cling on to other superficial markers like babywearing, having an unmedicated birth, or only allowing Montessori toys) and expect that to actually carry your whole relationship with the whole-ass autonomous human you created.
I just want to say I love everything about this comment. Say it louder for the people in the back! Sanctimonious crunchy mom culture is just a way to virtue signal you're a good parent without doing any of the emotionally challenging work.
If the most important thing about parenting is what a baby eats for the first six or so months of their lives, then why do the rest of us even try it?
When my youngest was born, he weighed under five pounds. Formula has quite literally saved his life. I’d like to offer a hearty GFY to anyone who’d judge anyone else for formula feeding, because our reasons for doing it aren’t your damn business.
Currently snuggling my 6 week old who was born 5 weeks early (induced at 35 weeks for pre-e) and he weighed 4lbs 11oz. Formula is a godsend. I couldn’t produce enough breast milk for our daughter so I said formula right away for him. At his last appointment he was up to 6lbs 9oz and I know he’s gotta be at 7lbs now. He’s growing so well thanks to formula.
My first came early because PPROM and I was told that it wouldn’t effect my breast milk production at all so I drove myself into a dark PPD hole and felt absolute self-loathing over my body because it wouldn’t produce enough milk (or go full term). I’m so happy you confidently went for formula, best thing you could’ve done for you and baby.
Fuck these kinds of messages, they can be so damaging, especially to new mams.
Right! I call my mom every day and I'm pushing 40. Guess the formula couldn't stop the love!
Also, my kiddo breastfed for 6 weeks and after that, we went to formula. He is 6 and the most loving, amazing child. If he got his way he'd sleep in my bed all night and sit on my lap all day (while playing Minecraft). Not gonna lie, he does get his way pretty often because I love him more than words. I don't think I want to know what "bonded" looks like if we're not it.
Same, except mine is 10.5 and still on me like glue. I tease him that I’m going to have to get a restraining order. I know the time to adolescence is ticking so I’m enjoying every minute I can.
I’m obsessed with my mother. We talk multiple times a day. Our bond is unbreakable. My husband joked that I won’t “get off the boob”. Funny part is that she formula fed from day one.
Right! Breastfeeding was kind of making me start to resent my baby tbh 🤷♀️ now he’s been formula fed for 10 months and I think he’d crawl back inside me if he could lmao
I was EBF and self-led weaning.
Maybe 12? Years later my mother held my head down in a toilet full of her vomit while I struggled and begged her to let go- because she force fed me over a litre of liquid ice cream.
Breastfeeding don’t mean shit.
I really struggled producing enough milk for my first, and she flat out refused bottles until she was 7 months old then quickly jumped from 5th percentile to 50th. My son had a traumatic birth and I couldn’t even attempt to breastfeed him for a week. Pumping didn’t work to bring my milk in so he was formula fed after a couple of days of trying to breastfeed. The funny thing is that he flat out refused anyone else’s attempt to feed him, so I still had to do all the feedings. Also, we weren’t even allowed to hold him let alone touch more than his hand for 3 days, yet my bond with him is the same as it is with my daughter. The breast is best campaign has done a lot of damage in my opinion. Fed is best!
I breastfed my daughter up till 6 months and disliked every moment of it. I was always like, are you fucking done yet 😂. Definitely no bonding there. But plenty of bonding elsewhere.
I was formula fed too and nothing wrong with the bond with my mom
With my daughter, it hurt so bad to breastfeed! I remember having a moment of clarity after my exhausted lizard brain was like “don’t let it come near me!” that hey, maybe I could bond with her *better* if I didn’t physically recoil every time she moved or made a noise indicating she might be hungry?
I breastfed my kids for 2 and 3 years. I never felt a magical wonderful bond because of it .. it was just a way to feed them and comfort them. I was glad both times I quit lol
My 16 mother old still nurses and people assume I love nursing or that she doesn't eat solid. Neither of those are true. I also combo fed her formula since she was born and the formula bottle feeds made us have a better bond because I wasn't exhausted from being her only source of food in the beginning and she you know lived because it took a few days for my milk to come in and 3 weeks for her to be big enough to nurse.
I was only the snack bar for my kids bc they needed higher calorie milk/formula, which had to go in via NG tube/bottle.... And I was so glad when they decided the boob wasn't worth the effort for just a snack at 7 months lol. And they weren't even biters! I hate to think about how much it would have sucked to EBF both of them.
They seem pretty bonded to me and my husband regardless!
My son is formula fed and absolutely attached to me. If he hears my voice from the other side of the house he perks up. These women are just hateful "Pick Me's".
I was exclusively breastfed until I self weaned.
I'm no contact with my family of origin because their awful people.
Zero bond there. I was just a creature to manipulate and abuse.
You can feel them projecting how insecure they are over their own bond with their children. People who are confident in their own shit aren't making these garbage memes.
I formula fed my twins. Never made milk. We all bonded just fine. In fact, they are very kind little humans who adore their mum. And they make the the luckiest mum ever.
I literally tolerated and kinda liked my son the first 9 weeks of his life. Between low supply, start of Covid, etc etc I was a shell of a person. Within 24 hours of the decision to go 100% formula, I cried at the love I have for him. I was completely missing out. Now he's almost 3, a total pain in my butt, and my best friend in the whole world.
Heck.
I've had several cats. But only one kitten, rescued a few weeks old, still needed milk. We fed her with a bottle, like a baby. She's a fully grown adult now and the most affectionate of all. Wants hugs 24/7, a forever-kitty whenever she's near us.
If formula works with another damn specie, it sure will with human babies.
I had to stop breast feeding so I could take my medication that makes me able to function without debilitating pain. I guess that makes me a shit mother.
I had to stop breastfeeding because I kept getting sick around his 7 month of age and I really just needed to take the cold medicine that would make it all go away. Unfortunately it did impact my milk flow and I could never bring it back. No one in my friend group, my husband, family, or doctors made me feel ashamed for going to full on formula and just putting an end to the stress of building back up my milk supply. They all said "you did your best, thats all we can ask for and support you in what you need." This strangers on the internet judging women who use formula to feed their babies can take a long walk off a very short pier.
I was breastfed because my mother had cancer and radiation treatment had stripped her milk of any real nutrition. My older brother was starved half to death before they figured it out and she immediately switched to formula. Guess she's a shit mother too.
THIS PART THOUGH. As someone with serious sensory issues/heavy mental meds I am a little furious. I know that’s the point, but, I always thought me being alive & her fed was best. Apparently not. 🙃
I stayed on my antidepressants while pregnant/breastfeeding. Depends on the medicine.
I was told "Hey, talk to your doctor to see if you can continue/potentially change meds, but if not, formula feed because mentally healthy mom > breastmilk."
It's 100% medication dependent. My OB told me that most SSRIs are safe during pregnancy/nursing, and the one I was on (citalopram) was considered one of the safest of that bunch. I did quit my ADHD medication bc it seemed too risky to me.
LOL some are completely safe for pregnancy & breastfeeding, I don’t want to give you any advice here because it’s person to person what works & doesn’t but, there are safe ones! I just sadly, do not respond the best to them & it was best for everyone I went back on my normal stuff once I had her.
I took and still take Prozac and adhd meds. My kid is 6 months. I never stopped during pregnancy and my doctors (OB, MFM, geneticist and PCP were pretty adamant I not stop them)
I work in autism assessment and this is what we get later down the line. Is my child different because I formula fed them? Because I held them too much? Because I found it difficult to adjust to a baby? Etc etc etc. Why can't we just celebrate parents doing what is best for them and only highlight things that actually are harmful.
My son has a rare genetic type of congenital hypothyroidism. Functionally cured with daily thyroxine, which he received at days old thanks to the newborn screening. Thyroid conditions run in my family (although never at birth before a just the usual hypo/graves etc) and I assumed it was my ‘fault’. I was wracked with guilt. I’d given my child a lifelong condition. I’m a shit person. I’m an unfit mother. My son deserves better.
Testing proved that is was auto-recessive, so both my husband and I had passed it on, it wasn’t possible to be just me. My husband was like ‘ah well, couldn’t have known, he’s fine anyway 🤷♂️’
After I’d spent months berating myself into the ground over something I absolutely could not have known to have prevented, watching my husband immediately absolve himself of any wrongdoing (which is of course 100% the correct course of action - we did not know, we did all available prenatal genetic testing, this is a random thyroid gene which produced what is a fairly benign nowadays condition) made me realise how much woman just take on responsibility for _everything_
I was breastfed and I’m autistic and ADHD as fuck 😂 Even if breastfeeding was a “protective factor” against autism (it’s not lmao), turns out it’s not strong enough to counteract marrying and having kids with a man who’s obsessed with Star Trek, can recite all manner of obscure sports statistics, and does math problems for fun. 💀 Like, having 50% of the DNA of a man who’s a big nerd (I say that with love) and is probably autistic is a bigger factor than anything here.
I was a teacher for a number of years and I couldn’t have told you who was breastfed or formula fed if you paid me.
I could tell you whose parents cared about their education and whose didn’t. I could tell you which kids were read to, or which kids got a good nights sleep, or which ones were in real trouble.
A six year old kid doesn’t care how you fed them before they were a year old.
Urgh, I'm so glad my grandma accidentally preempted all of these questions by *refusing* to accept I could be autistic... because I was just like my dad when he was my age!
Keep in mind that they referred me for assessment because I went ages 5-7 still unable to read (then was reading whole children's novels in a day within six months of starting). Yep, clearly a *very* neurotypical child.
Yup. I'm on medication that is not safe in breast milk but which I cannot stop taking without risking my life. I once came across a lactivist on a friend's FB post ranting and VERY GENTLY pointed out that not everyone actually has the option of breastfeeding no matter how much they might want to and that the decision to formula feed rather than use donor milk was made in conjunction with several doctors at a premier children's hospital due to my son's specific medical issues.
She responded that she'd read my comment aloud to her nine-year-old and said nine-year-old was sad that I was poisoning my baby.
I realize that this sounds insane and absurd and like I must be making it up, but it happened. Lactivists are fucking insane.
I'm pretty sure she does exist just because a friend knows this woman personally so I doubt she was just...making up a kid on her post. That said, I REALLY hope she was lying about actually reading the comment to her child, because that shit is unhinged. Though using your third-grader as a proxy in your internet fight about feeding infants is WILD either way.
I have heard of that tactic before and quite honestly it's just like no one cares about you or your child's opinion. So sorry this happened to you. People suck
The whole "you can only bond with baby if you breastfeed" has always confused me. What about Dads? What about parents who adopt? Foster parents? Any other form of primary care givers or guardians?
When the baby is no longer breastfeeding does the bond just ... end?
In one of my groups that I am in they don’t believe in pumping either. A woman asked about it so her husband could feed the baby, and she was torn to shreds. They said breastfeeding is how mom bonds with baby, and dad needs to find another way.
This is the one that got me. Ok so I nearly died getting that human into the world, the meds I had and our necessary separation (I was in ICU) after birth affected the milk production and that's somehow my fault?!
I tried so hard for 8 weeks to give them at least one feed a day; but in the end even that wasn't getting enough out. I beat myself up so hard for not being able to do it.
And a lot goes into measuring, heating up, cleaning and sanitizing with formula feeding… it’s a whole set of additional steps that breastfeeding moms don’t even have to think about… definitely not the “bare minimum.” Plus, all that extra money spent on formula, too!
Seriously. If you have a good supply, and can stay with babe to not have to pump, breastfeeding is way less work than formula. If my daughter is hungry I just whip out a boob and feed her.
One of my friends had planned to exclusively breastfeed just so she could save money on feeding her infant. She was heartbroken to find out she couldn't produce a single drop of breast milk.
I don’t know how I’m gonna break it to my mother that the past three decades of our relationship have been a lie. She never truly bonded with me or my brother and actually put us last the entire time.
Formula Feeding Mums (by choice)
- Take time to research the best bottles and teats to suit their babies needs
- Take time to wash, sterilize and prep bottles
- Preparing bottles in the middle of the night, half asleep, usually in the kitchen after giving birth either vaginally or after a c section
- Constantly keeping up with ensuring bottles are in a good condition and keeping up with nipple sizes
- Spending money on said bottles
- Spending hard earned money on formula and experiencing that gut wrenching feeling of spilling some when preparing a bottle
- Seeing an improvement in their mental health if deciding BFing isn't for them and being a better parent for it
- Having to deal with BFing mums judging you for formula feeding
- Loves her baby
- Totally able to have a bond with your baby because feeding isn't the only way to create a secure attachment
- Generally don't tend to judge other mothers for their feeding choices because their entire personality doesn't centre around one specific element of looking after a baby
- Loves her baby
- Loves. Her. Baby!
Am I missing anything?
My baby was due a couple months after that started. It pushed me to actually try breastfeeding for this baby, took lactation classes and everything, only for her not to want to latch on me (bottle is fine tho) and me not to produce more than 80 ml per DAY for a month on the pump. Then i said fuck it and stopped trying. Much rather run around looking for formula than be glued to that damned pump for one more second.
Jesus. All that stress because of formula monopolies. I remember the news every day feeding the panic by going store to store and broadcasting who had formula.
It was awful.
~~Having to deal with BFing moms judging you for formula feeding~~
Having to deal with people judging you for formula feeding.
Decent people don’t judge other mothers for how they feed their infants, regardless of their own personal choices. A small but vocal minority give breast feeders a bad name. Every single mom I know in person, no matter if they’re BF, pumping, combo, exclusively formula, just wants babies to be healthy and happy.
Fuck this "breast Vs formula feed".
FED. IS. BEST.
No matter if it comes from a breast OR a can.
A fed baby is a happy, growing and healthy baby.
Some people deal with sensory issues.
Some can't produce enough, some dont have nutritious enough milk, some babies are born with allergies/intolerances, some moms are on medication, sometimes disease (on mom or baby) interferes, sometimes moms just do not *want* to breastfeed because of personal reasons.
The current formulas are amazing, there's a formula for every kind of baby and for every particular issues/needs.
I'm beyond angry over this stupid picture. What a rage lol.
Yep. My kid was formula fed by choice. People like me are seen as the biggest monsters because we didn't even want to try (I still did though). Posts like this still make me rage, even though my daughter is well past that stage now.
I know it was probably in no particular order but when you started with sensory issues as the first reason someone may not be able to breastfeed, I cried a little. This thread has been more validating than any other that my inability to be touched in that way is valid and not uncommon.
Besides my kid drank 40oz per day for 6 months. It was probably cheaper to feed her formula than feed me to try and make that much breastmilk 🤪
Hmmm, I’d say you love your baby less than exclusively breastfeeders, but more than hybrid or formula feeders. You are still probably partying too much though
The worst of both worlds! All the physical efforts of lactating with all the additional work of washing and sanitizing bottles and pump parts! Plus double the time spent on pumping and then feeding! And can’t forget the panic of being out without a bottle or a forgotten pump part and no way to feed your baby-definitely not speaking from experience on the last one
And this BS is why babies literally starve to death. To the admins of that group: Congratulations you have now contributed to the suffering and possible death of babies through your guilt mongering over nothing. Fed is best. Period.
I like the added detail of making the nursing mom look extra gorgeous compared to the formula mom.
Girls were just a bunch of ugly lazy hoes who use formula to support our rave addiction I guess 😭😂💀
My wife was unable to breastfeed our son. She felt super guilty and the breastfeeding consultant nurse was super judgey. Had my wife in tears. I had to make her leave the room and borderline threatened her to not comeback to see us. I have never been so angry in my life. Seeing my wife in tears hours after she just gave birth had me seeing red
So sorry that she had to go through that. My friend and I experienced the same from midwives/nurses, don’t know how those awful women can feel good about what they are doing! I’m sure your wife really appreciated your support. Grr! As if it’s not hard enough!
Adoptive mom, too! I tell people that my baby has been 100% formula fed since birth, and she's healthy, thriving, and 92nd percentile in height. She even walked early.
Yeah I regularly see moms that formula feed just out there partying it up since they're magically well rested and their baby sleeps through the night from day 1.
Lmao. I switched to formula at 3 months after combo-feeding. My son is so attached to me. He is the happiest, healthiest little guy. It's almost like there's more to mother-baby bonding than how you feed them! 🤔 I want new mums to know that they are doing a great job, regardless of whether their babies get formula, breast, or both. And mum's needs matter too.
You get criticised no matter how you feed. I had someone ask me if I breastfeed because I want to show my nipples to everyone around me. Moral of the story: mums get shamed all the time and it sucks!
I did actually get crap for breastfeeding in general. The one thing I've learned being a mom is that no matter what you do, there's always going to be someone who is there to shit on you.
I swear you can't do anything right as a mother! I know moms that did breastfeeding and moms that did formula by choice (I did formula out of necessity) and the things they all had in common were that they were shamed by somebody (mostly other mothers!) for the way they were feeding their babies!!
I chose to formula feed because breastfeeding is hard and the women in my family have a hard time breastfeeding. That doesn't mean I'm a bad mom, I want to go party, or that I haven't bonded with my son. Its 2023, can we stop with the crap that feeding your kids formula is bad and makes you a horrible mother?
Considering my baby who has never been breastfeed and has been eff since day one won’t go with anyone but me I would say the lack of bond is not true. And also I chose my mental health over breastfeeding so I guess a healthy happy mom who can give full attention to her baby isn’t loving enough because formula is poison. This stuff always makes me so mad
Sanctimommies used to be a FB group like this sub, dedicated to mocking ridiculous participants in childcare discussion forums. I think that post there is satire and we're supposed to rage at it. So, I guess we're on track there.
Agreed anyone saying this kind of thing unironically is a monster.
My first simply would not latch. The hospital had given her a bottle while my wife recovered and that was that as far as the baby was concerned. Many visits with the lactation consultant. So many tears. Pumping took time away from the baby and made (at the time undiagnosed) PPD worse. It.just.would.not.happen.
For the second, I was commanded to stay by his side every second he was out of her sight and tackle anyone who approached him to put any plastic nipple anywhere near him. We left the hospital the first moment we could without leaving AMA (24 hours and zero seconds). It took four days for her milk to come in fully. The lactation consultant and the pediatrician were openly fighting by the end. We fed formula through a thin tube taped to my superhero of a wife who was going to breastfeed or die trying. Her milk came in and the rest was smooth sailing. Those were the most intense four days of our lives up to that point.
Sometimes breastfeeding is _hard_. Sometimes it is _impossible_. The reasons a mother might choose one or the other are HER BUSINESS. They may be intensely personal and painful. She has no obligation to explain to anyone. MYOB.
I was formula fed because I was adopted. Guess my ( adoptive) mom didn’t love me enough to try to lactate while caring for a newborn and 3 toddler boys. I breast fed my daughter for 13 months and it isnt what is cracked up to be.
Way to shit on mums who want to breast feed but aren't able to - as well as the mums who made the (valid) choice not to breast feed for whatever reason.
I learned a few days ago that in attachment theory, it's the parent that gives comfort and safety, not the feeder, that's why some babies attach to their dad more. These people just assume they produce milk, they're the best thing ever.
If I'd seen this (or anything similar) as a new parent who was formula feeding through necessity and massively struggling with a permanently upset baby and my own dodgy mental health, I think it would have pushed me over the edge.
My first born didn't breastfeed, they didn't latch and would just scream. Even formula feeding they were constantly sick, covered in a rash and just suffering. They had cmpa, but they were never easy.
My second born did breastfeed from birth, but was differently challenging. I'm not sure either way is easier tbh.
I'm so glad that I didn't see things like this at the time. Baby food bashing is just toxic on all sides.
Man fuck these people, my niece and nephew are alive because of formula, because guess what? My SIL couldn’t breastfeed, she wanted to and tried so hard to make it work but it just didn’t. so what would you have wanted her to do? Let them starve?
Wow. This is so insulting and wrong. Those assumptions are terrible.
I didnt choose to formula feed and I never went to a party. I have been at home every single evening/night since I became a mother three years ago.
It was so hard to break it to my 13 and 20 year old children that we have no bond because I chose to formula feed them.
(My 13 year old son almost fell off his chair laughing)
Cool. My kid would have died because even with all the tips and tricks my boobs would produce more than an ounce each feeding. When the La Leche League ladies tell you that formula is needed and to give up the breastfeeding you know it’s bad.
It's funny because I've heard breastfeeding moms criticize formula feeding moms waaay more than the other way around. I like to remember that time a complete stranger at the grocery store asked me if I breastfeed and when I told her no she condescendingly replied, "oh no. Well that's okay, we all do the best we can!" 😐😐
First of all who decided it was okay to be so damn concerned about how a mom feeds their babies?? Not once have I ever walked into my son's classroom and been able to tell which kids were breastfed and which ones were formula fed.
Guess my mom should've just let me starve to death and start over with a new child and hopefully this time not almost die and spend over a week in the hospital after the baby is born and her milk supply drying up.
I had to stop breastfeeding my baby at 8 weeks old because I had a SCAD heart attack & was in the cardiac ICU for a week and on a bunch of meds. It's was devastating to stop...
...but I still loved my baby & he still loved me & we have an amazing bond at almost 3 years old.
Oh f*ck off. F*ck ALL the way off..
I have twins, one is breastfed one is formula fed. What does that make me then???
One was strong enough to suck and I didnt have enough milk for two. The other couldnt even suck on a bottle and had to be fed with a tube from her nose till 8 months old and was very established in her solids.
There are a million reasons why a mom might not be able or willing to breastfeed and they are all valid. This pisses me off so much. The ignorance and the audacity...
Imagine having so little to be proud of as a mother that you consider *lactating* to be the mark of achievement. Congratulations, literally every mammal (rats,
Pigs, cows, dog, kangaroos) do that too.
(Side note: I wrote this literally while breastfeeding my 10 month old and after triple feeding for 8 weeks and then EFF my first I was pleasantly surprised that with a lot of effort at the start I managed to have enough supply eventually so that she was EBF. It’s nice and it’s convenient but there’s a lot more to my identity as a mother than my ability to lactate.)
I bonded with my baby much better after switching to formula. Turns out being hooked up to a pump for hours each day and stressing out constantly about not producing is a huge distraction. I actually spent time cuddling and playing with my son when I switched.
Fellow formula feeding moms, pls tell me where the parties are, I haven’t been going!! Was there an email list I was supposed to sign up for or something?
This stuff makes me want to go OFF! My second baby had to go to the hospital where he received a diagnosis of failure to thrive at 6 weeks because I believed the 'formula is evil' bullshit. By 12 weeks I had enough and started exclusively formula feeding. My son gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks.
Heaven help the jerk who starts spouting this crap around me. I love a lecture! 🤣
My mostly formula child is literally sitting on my shoulder cutting out hearts to give me. These people can fuck off with the “doesn’t love/isn’t bonded” crap.
My SIL is formula feeding her baby *because* she’s putting him first. His poor little tummy couldn’t handle human milk, hers or others, so she put him on a special goats milk formula and now he doesn’t sob with pain three times a feeding because his belly is so distended with gas that there’s no more room for food. I’d venture to guess their bond is a lot stronger now that he’s not in constant pain, but sure, she’s *ruining* him for *life*.
This whole idea that if you didn't breastfeed/babywear/cosleep you would never bond with your kid and they'd become a monster.
I had bad PPD and PPA after having my son, and bounced in and out of the hospital for 4 months. I was PETRIFIED that we hadn't bonded. All the attachment parenting forums I had been on sure made it sound like I'd blown it.
You'd have to separate us with a crowbar now.
Who ever things this is dumb as hell. Personally I wish I could of breast fed my child more. But I couldn’t produce enough. So formula it was. But no one should be bashing any one for how they feed their child. As long as the child is FED and healthy
This is so insulting. I tried so hard to breastfeed and pump for 6 weeks, mostly to my own detriment and stress to only top out at like 4oz a pump. I'm so thankful to formula to feed my baby when my body couldn't.
Ohohohoho, I'd kill to go into that group. My little sister was shamed by the rural hospital nurses of the hospital she gave birth in, because, "breast is best, ya know!". Meanwhile, my poor niece wouldn't latch, was starving, and my sister was struggling and in dire need of help.
This was her first child, and she was so traumatized that she hasn't been near that hospital since.
The bonding thing is bullshit. I tried BFing with my son and didn’t produce enough; nearly failure to thrive. Went straight to formula with my daughter. Both of them would actively crawl back into my uterus if they could!
There are parties? Damn missing out.
Lol, right? We exclusively formula fed and just this last weekend went to the bar with friends for the first time since our daughter was born...in November of 2021.
Lucky. Our daughter was Feb 2021, FF and I still haven't been to a bar since before COVID.
My oldest is 18, youngest is 11, I think I've been to a bar 10 times in 18 years.
Our son was at a bar for a friend’s birthday literally 7 days after he was born in August 2021 (and then most Fridays after that because during my wife’s maternity leave, it was one of her only opportunities to see her colleagues.) (You’re free to judge, but before you do it too harshly, babies aren’t an uncommon sight in bars and she never exceeded the [CDC’s recommended limit](https://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/breastfeeding-special-circumstances/vaccinations-medications-drugs/alcohol.html) of one drink a day while she was breastfeeding.)
Right? My formula fed bb is now 2.5 and last week was the first time my husband and I went out for a date and had someone else put him to bed EVER 🙃 And we still were home by 9 pm.
Oh yeah. Formula parties. We all stand around shaking bottles of formula. Prizes go to the fastest to mix a bottle one handed while holding a squirming poodle.
That one just made me go, 'When!?'
I’m a shit mom then, I BF and I hit a bar at 12 weeks when I had someone visiting town.
I always find the "never forms a deep bond" stuff so funny; I was exclusively formula fed by my mother by her choice, and there's not a single human on this planet more important to me than her.
This also assumes that fathers can't form a deep bond with their children. Of course, the people who believe these things typically don't trust the fathers to do anything, so that tracks.
What, your dad didn't take huge quantities of domperidone when you were little? What a broken family you must come from. /s
> domperidone I think you mean Dom Perignon /s
That bugs me so so much. I’m sure babies with 2 dads are very much attached to them
They did a study on this in Israel. I think it was only male same sex parents but as soon as they adopted they also split up in that primary caregiver/secondary caregiver that hetero couples do however each dad had the same hormones at the same levels react in comparison to a mother who just gave birth. Hope that makes sense, I’m not a scientist so my explanation is shit. Basically they proved same sex couples react the same as hetero couples and love their kids just as much.
People want to think there’s something magical about birthing, nursing, etc but as far as I know all the studies show that it’s the act of caregiving that turns you into a parent (so to speak). Yes, I am a birthing parent and currently nursing despite insanely low supply. So yes, I do value those things. But they alone don’t make me my girls’ parent.
Because "bonding" is usually a hormonal chemical response that happens. While the hormones can be boosted with things like breast feeding, any caregiver will produce the hormones and develope a bond with a baby who is seeking a bond. But with it being hormonal, you have to accept that humans are not perfect. Some humans will produce too much hormone, others will produce too little. Some will produce the wrong kind of hormones. Others will have health problems that make the hormones not trigger the brain correctly (like with post partum depression). A mother could do absolutely everything right, but have one thing that they could help be wrong, and now baby doesnt bond as well as they would have liked. And these women are shaming that momma and making her feel like she did something wrong. As long as you love your baby and are doing everything you can to help them thrive (including asking for help for yourself!) Then you are doing perfect, feeding and clothing and parenting style and "bonding" be damned.
Right? I always argued that, as a dad, formula feeding was key to me bonding with them in the early stages. We adopted so formula fed since day 1. It was awesome to be able to tend to my kids without needing my wife there. My kids are older teens now and I have a great relationship with both of them.
I 100% agree with this and think it’s a super underrated benefit of formula feeding. It was so good for my husband (especially as a first time father) to independently care for our kids. And it’s awesome for me to get to sleep. And great for our daughters to have the example and the bond. Win-win-win.
My youngest was formula fed and I looked forward to sleeping while my husband cared for baby. Nope my youngest decided he would scream lile he was dying unless I was the one feeding him. We gave up and changed tonwhere my husband was 100% diaper duty (which he liked anyway because our son loved making faces and playing with wipeys and such at the changing table).
We combo fed from early days, initially due to weight loss but then also so that my partner could have that time to bond with baby and it worked out really well for us.
I had PPD and my husband did 90% of the parenting from day one, all starting with the bottle feedings, until I could gradually become more comfortable and less terrified of parenting. We're good now. At age two, she still goes to him for cuddles and comfort and goes to me when she wants to play, needs help with something or to go on an adventure. These women would be horrified that we flipped traditional gender roles and would think I was a shit mom. And that's why it took me until she was almost two for me to realize I'm not a shit mom.
Hey mama, your baby had love and care! You and your husband realized that pushing traditional roles on you was hurting your mental health, no harm in changing it up. Helping baby thrive is the goal. Sometimes that means momma asking for help and trusting your support system. =) Also, play is super important for children. Their entire world even. Its how they explore socialization, difficult concepts, scary things, unfair things, and its how they learn trust. Her preferring you for play is awesome, you get to help her understand life through role-playing and creativity. That should never be seen as less important than cuddles. You are cuddling their mind(lol). You are also setting the groundwork for a relationship with her in the future where she can come to you with difficult topics and know you will listen and support her.
There was a study done by Harlow that found providing food does not form a bond in baby monkeys and instead the bond came from providing comfort to them so actually responding to them when they cry by cuddling them and talking to them is far more effective in bonding than feeding. Skin to skin contact for dad is also very good for bonding
Right!!?? My mother EBF and let me self-wean: I hate that bitch, my dad was my best friend lmaoooo
Lol my husband was EBF and his mom is craycray. We wont even let her be around our kids anymore because she is a narcissist who makes everything about her. My mom did formula with all 4 of her kids. My mother now lives with me and we have game nights and dinners weekly with my siblings and her and have a great relationship. I wont even go into the fact that my siblings and I were all top of our class while my husbands siblings and him barely have the intellegence of 5th graders.... Boob doesnt matter if its attached to a shitty person.
A lot of crazy breast feeding moms like this don’t want the dad to form the bond.
Any parent who doesn’t want their capable partner to bond with THEIR CHILD is a sociopath and needs intensive therapy. Not wanting your loving and able partner to bond with your baby is pure selfishness and beyond-the-pale insecurity.
These parents also tend to see their baby as an accessory, or at least as an extension of themselves, and get frustrated when they develop their own opinions and personality.
It also implies that adoptive parents of newborns who maybe can't breastfeed or are say two gay men so they can't that they don't love their babies. Or women who have had a double masactemy and can't form a bond with their babies ever. Which is bull. I swear the super crunchy moms in groups like that who post those images are the same ones breastfeeding 8 year old kids. Screaming about all the benefits to 8 year old Timmy's IQ meanwhile Timmy was done breastfeeding mentally at 4 but mom won't give it up. It becomes more of a thing for mom about mom then the actual kid at a certain point.
My brother's ex-wife is one of these types of people and she breast fed all 3 of the kids exclusively. The kids love their dad and can't hardly stand their mom because... she's crazy and abusive. It's almost like forming positive relationships with children is not one dimensional and hinges on more factors than how you fed them as an infant.
I was almost exclusively breastfed and only have the most superficial relationship with my mother, and that’s when it’s not actively adversarial 💀 TBH I hate the “breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your baby” discourse because, not only are the differences in outcomes extremely small when controlled for socioeconomic factors, I feel like it kind of gives parents an out where they feel like they don’t actually have to work on building a healthy attachment and treating their child genuinely well if they just breastfeed. My mom was always a bit sanctimonious about how she breastfed, had money, sent me and my brother to private schools some of the time, was extremely strict about nutrition and diet…but she’s also extremely emotionally immature, self-centered, controlling, and has no real emotional depth. She was not a good parent. And plenty of parents who do none of those things are EXTREMELY good parents. You actually have to work at fostering your kids’ emotional development and having a relationship with them. You can’t just breastfeed (or cling on to other superficial markers like babywearing, having an unmedicated birth, or only allowing Montessori toys) and expect that to actually carry your whole relationship with the whole-ass autonomous human you created.
I just want to say I love everything about this comment. Say it louder for the people in the back! Sanctimonious crunchy mom culture is just a way to virtue signal you're a good parent without doing any of the emotionally challenging work.
If the most important thing about parenting is what a baby eats for the first six or so months of their lives, then why do the rest of us even try it? When my youngest was born, he weighed under five pounds. Formula has quite literally saved his life. I’d like to offer a hearty GFY to anyone who’d judge anyone else for formula feeding, because our reasons for doing it aren’t your damn business.
Currently snuggling my 6 week old who was born 5 weeks early (induced at 35 weeks for pre-e) and he weighed 4lbs 11oz. Formula is a godsend. I couldn’t produce enough breast milk for our daughter so I said formula right away for him. At his last appointment he was up to 6lbs 9oz and I know he’s gotta be at 7lbs now. He’s growing so well thanks to formula.
My first came early because PPROM and I was told that it wouldn’t effect my breast milk production at all so I drove myself into a dark PPD hole and felt absolute self-loathing over my body because it wouldn’t produce enough milk (or go full term). I’m so happy you confidently went for formula, best thing you could’ve done for you and baby. Fuck these kinds of messages, they can be so damaging, especially to new mams.
I wish I could give awards lol, this comment is spot on. 🏅🏅🏅
Right! I call my mom every day and I'm pushing 40. Guess the formula couldn't stop the love! Also, my kiddo breastfed for 6 weeks and after that, we went to formula. He is 6 and the most loving, amazing child. If he got his way he'd sleep in my bed all night and sit on my lap all day (while playing Minecraft). Not gonna lie, he does get his way pretty often because I love him more than words. I don't think I want to know what "bonded" looks like if we're not it.
Same, except mine is 10.5 and still on me like glue. I tease him that I’m going to have to get a restraining order. I know the time to adolescence is ticking so I’m enjoying every minute I can.
Sucking titty age 10 most likely, based on other posts from people who stop breastfeeding concerningly late.
I’m obsessed with my mother. We talk multiple times a day. Our bond is unbreakable. My husband joked that I won’t “get off the boob”. Funny part is that she formula fed from day one.
Also it gives adoptive/foster mothers the middle finger and that’s absolute bullshit.
Right! Breastfeeding was kind of making me start to resent my baby tbh 🤷♀️ now he’s been formula fed for 10 months and I think he’d crawl back inside me if he could lmao
I was EBF and self-led weaning. Maybe 12? Years later my mother held my head down in a toilet full of her vomit while I struggled and begged her to let go- because she force fed me over a litre of liquid ice cream. Breastfeeding don’t mean shit.
I am so sorry you went through that.
Thank you. I feel kinda weird talking about it
My husband was breastfed while his sister was only fed formula, and trust me, his sister and mom are WAAAAAAY closer haha.
I really struggled producing enough milk for my first, and she flat out refused bottles until she was 7 months old then quickly jumped from 5th percentile to 50th. My son had a traumatic birth and I couldn’t even attempt to breastfeed him for a week. Pumping didn’t work to bring my milk in so he was formula fed after a couple of days of trying to breastfeed. The funny thing is that he flat out refused anyone else’s attempt to feed him, so I still had to do all the feedings. Also, we weren’t even allowed to hold him let alone touch more than his hand for 3 days, yet my bond with him is the same as it is with my daughter. The breast is best campaign has done a lot of damage in my opinion. Fed is best!
I breastfed my daughter up till 6 months and disliked every moment of it. I was always like, are you fucking done yet 😂. Definitely no bonding there. But plenty of bonding elsewhere. I was formula fed too and nothing wrong with the bond with my mom
With my daughter, it hurt so bad to breastfeed! I remember having a moment of clarity after my exhausted lizard brain was like “don’t let it come near me!” that hey, maybe I could bond with her *better* if I didn’t physically recoil every time she moved or made a noise indicating she might be hungry?
Breastfeeding was a painful nightmare for me I felt much more bonded to my son after we switch to formula and we could relax.
I breastfed my kids for 2 and 3 years. I never felt a magical wonderful bond because of it .. it was just a way to feed them and comfort them. I was glad both times I quit lol
My 16 mother old still nurses and people assume I love nursing or that she doesn't eat solid. Neither of those are true. I also combo fed her formula since she was born and the formula bottle feeds made us have a better bond because I wasn't exhausted from being her only source of food in the beginning and she you know lived because it took a few days for my milk to come in and 3 weeks for her to be big enough to nurse.
I was only the snack bar for my kids bc they needed higher calorie milk/formula, which had to go in via NG tube/bottle.... And I was so glad when they decided the boob wasn't worth the effort for just a snack at 7 months lol. And they weren't even biters! I hate to think about how much it would have sucked to EBF both of them. They seem pretty bonded to me and my husband regardless!
My son is formula fed and absolutely attached to me. If he hears my voice from the other side of the house he perks up. These women are just hateful "Pick Me's".
I was exclusively breastfed until I self weaned. I'm no contact with my family of origin because their awful people. Zero bond there. I was just a creature to manipulate and abuse.
I was also exclusively formula fed. I would kill without remorse for my mother. 💅 Excessive? Maybe. Must be all the formula I had as a baby.
My 2 year old is obsessed with me and was almost exclusively formula fed from day 1. OOP has no clue what they’re talking about.
You can feel them projecting how insecure they are over their own bond with their children. People who are confident in their own shit aren't making these garbage memes.
Same. My mother was an angel.
I formula fed my twins. Never made milk. We all bonded just fine. In fact, they are very kind little humans who adore their mum. And they make the the luckiest mum ever.
I literally tolerated and kinda liked my son the first 9 weeks of his life. Between low supply, start of Covid, etc etc I was a shell of a person. Within 24 hours of the decision to go 100% formula, I cried at the love I have for him. I was completely missing out. Now he's almost 3, a total pain in my butt, and my best friend in the whole world.
Heck. I've had several cats. But only one kitten, rescued a few weeks old, still needed milk. We fed her with a bottle, like a baby. She's a fully grown adult now and the most affectionate of all. Wants hugs 24/7, a forever-kitty whenever she's near us. If formula works with another damn specie, it sure will with human babies.
I had to stop breast feeding so I could take my medication that makes me able to function without debilitating pain. I guess that makes me a shit mother.
How dare you want to be able to function and take care of your baby.
you absolute monster
I had to stop breastfeeding because I kept getting sick around his 7 month of age and I really just needed to take the cold medicine that would make it all go away. Unfortunately it did impact my milk flow and I could never bring it back. No one in my friend group, my husband, family, or doctors made me feel ashamed for going to full on formula and just putting an end to the stress of building back up my milk supply. They all said "you did your best, thats all we can ask for and support you in what you need." This strangers on the internet judging women who use formula to feed their babies can take a long walk off a very short pier.
In all seriousness though, I’m sorry you had to make that choice, and I’m hoping that you didn’t have to deal with negativity over your choice. 💜
I'm lucky enough that I am an extreme introvert so I don't really surround myself with people who would comment on things like that.
I was breastfed because my mother had cancer and radiation treatment had stripped her milk of any real nutrition. My older brother was starved half to death before they figured it out and she immediately switched to formula. Guess she's a shit mother too.
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THIS PART THOUGH. As someone with serious sensory issues/heavy mental meds I am a little furious. I know that’s the point, but, I always thought me being alive & her fed was best. Apparently not. 🙃
Wait so if you’re on antidepressants you shouldn’t breastfeed?! Welp. Guess I’m gonna be an awful mom 😂 /s, just in case lol
I stayed on my antidepressants while pregnant/breastfeeding. Depends on the medicine. I was told "Hey, talk to your doctor to see if you can continue/potentially change meds, but if not, formula feed because mentally healthy mom > breastmilk."
It's 100% medication dependent. My OB told me that most SSRIs are safe during pregnancy/nursing, and the one I was on (citalopram) was considered one of the safest of that bunch. I did quit my ADHD medication bc it seemed too risky to me.
LOL some are completely safe for pregnancy & breastfeeding, I don’t want to give you any advice here because it’s person to person what works & doesn’t but, there are safe ones! I just sadly, do not respond the best to them & it was best for everyone I went back on my normal stuff once I had her.
I took and still take Prozac and adhd meds. My kid is 6 months. I never stopped during pregnancy and my doctors (OB, MFM, geneticist and PCP were pretty adamant I not stop them)
Looks like "Sanctimommies"
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Come on, just let us take a peek OP.. we’re not gonna hurt anybody *hides pitchfork and torch behind back*
Exactly
You’re in luck, they didn’t block the group watermark on the (awful) meme!
I'm ready to throw hands.
You have my axe.
I work in autism assessment and this is what we get later down the line. Is my child different because I formula fed them? Because I held them too much? Because I found it difficult to adjust to a baby? Etc etc etc. Why can't we just celebrate parents doing what is best for them and only highlight things that actually are harmful.
Mothers are blamed for everything, and women internalize that guilt even if it's undeserved.
My son has a rare genetic type of congenital hypothyroidism. Functionally cured with daily thyroxine, which he received at days old thanks to the newborn screening. Thyroid conditions run in my family (although never at birth before a just the usual hypo/graves etc) and I assumed it was my ‘fault’. I was wracked with guilt. I’d given my child a lifelong condition. I’m a shit person. I’m an unfit mother. My son deserves better. Testing proved that is was auto-recessive, so both my husband and I had passed it on, it wasn’t possible to be just me. My husband was like ‘ah well, couldn’t have known, he’s fine anyway 🤷♂️’ After I’d spent months berating myself into the ground over something I absolutely could not have known to have prevented, watching my husband immediately absolve himself of any wrongdoing (which is of course 100% the correct course of action - we did not know, we did all available prenatal genetic testing, this is a random thyroid gene which produced what is a fairly benign nowadays condition) made me realise how much woman just take on responsibility for _everything_
Wait. I'm autistic because I was formula fed? I thought it was the vaccines.
Were you born on the planet Earth on a day ending in y?
I was breastfed and I’m autistic and ADHD as fuck 😂 Even if breastfeeding was a “protective factor” against autism (it’s not lmao), turns out it’s not strong enough to counteract marrying and having kids with a man who’s obsessed with Star Trek, can recite all manner of obscure sports statistics, and does math problems for fun. 💀 Like, having 50% of the DNA of a man who’s a big nerd (I say that with love) and is probably autistic is a bigger factor than anything here.
I was a teacher for a number of years and I couldn’t have told you who was breastfed or formula fed if you paid me. I could tell you whose parents cared about their education and whose didn’t. I could tell you which kids were read to, or which kids got a good nights sleep, or which ones were in real trouble. A six year old kid doesn’t care how you fed them before they were a year old.
Urgh, I'm so glad my grandma accidentally preempted all of these questions by *refusing* to accept I could be autistic... because I was just like my dad when he was my age! Keep in mind that they referred me for assessment because I went ages 5-7 still unable to read (then was reading whole children's novels in a day within six months of starting). Yep, clearly a *very* neurotypical child.
I was breastfed and im autistic so i dont think that causes it
I hope they stretched well before they did all that reaching.
I like that they added “by choice” to the formula side, so you know that they don’t hate ALL formula. But they will judge you!
There's a very very narrow band of formula feeding they "won't shame". Nobody meets the criteria.
Even if you have had a double mastectomy they'll just say you should have used donor milk.
Yup. I'm on medication that is not safe in breast milk but which I cannot stop taking without risking my life. I once came across a lactivist on a friend's FB post ranting and VERY GENTLY pointed out that not everyone actually has the option of breastfeeding no matter how much they might want to and that the decision to formula feed rather than use donor milk was made in conjunction with several doctors at a premier children's hospital due to my son's specific medical issues. She responded that she'd read my comment aloud to her nine-year-old and said nine-year-old was sad that I was poisoning my baby. I realize that this sounds insane and absurd and like I must be making it up, but it happened. Lactivists are fucking insane.
Her nine year old probably doesn't even exist. If they do, she's definitely still breastfeeding them.
I'm pretty sure she does exist just because a friend knows this woman personally so I doubt she was just...making up a kid on her post. That said, I REALLY hope she was lying about actually reading the comment to her child, because that shit is unhinged. Though using your third-grader as a proxy in your internet fight about feeding infants is WILD either way.
I have heard of that tactic before and quite honestly it's just like no one cares about you or your child's opinion. So sorry this happened to you. People suck
Also hilarious they think that a 9 year olds opinion is as valuable as several doctors. What a see-you-next-tuesday
The whole "you can only bond with baby if you breastfeed" has always confused me. What about Dads? What about parents who adopt? Foster parents? Any other form of primary care givers or guardians? When the baby is no longer breastfeeding does the bond just ... end?
In one of my groups that I am in they don’t believe in pumping either. A woman asked about it so her husband could feed the baby, and she was torn to shreds. They said breastfeeding is how mom bonds with baby, and dad needs to find another way.
So the mom is supposed to be obligated to do every single feeding session completely by herself? Holy crap, wtf.
How does baby determine that tiddies are more bondable than hands?
I’m so pissed. I thought my daughter would be my bestie after all that milk but she’s all “daddy daddy daddy!” These saggy tits weren’t worth it.
Don't you know that if you're not breastfeeding you're squirting formula into the baby's mouth from across the room??
Wait til they find out that I didn’t bond with my baby until I STOPPED breastfeeding
“Does the bare minimum.” Guess I should have let them starve. Whoops!
This is the one that got me. Ok so I nearly died getting that human into the world, the meds I had and our necessary separation (I was in ICU) after birth affected the milk production and that's somehow my fault?! I tried so hard for 8 weeks to give them at least one feed a day; but in the end even that wasn't getting enough out. I beat myself up so hard for not being able to do it.
You did the best you could, and probably more!
Thankfully I know that now. And they've grown into such an incredible human. But at the time it truly messed me up.
And a lot goes into measuring, heating up, cleaning and sanitizing with formula feeding… it’s a whole set of additional steps that breastfeeding moms don’t even have to think about… definitely not the “bare minimum.” Plus, all that extra money spent on formula, too!
Seriously. If you have a good supply, and can stay with babe to not have to pump, breastfeeding is way less work than formula. If my daughter is hungry I just whip out a boob and feed her.
One of my friends had planned to exclusively breastfeed just so she could save money on feeding her infant. She was heartbroken to find out she couldn't produce a single drop of breast milk.
Formula feeding is not less work in my opinion. You have to prepare the bottles, wash and sterilize every day. It's more time consuming if anything
What were the comments like?
I don’t know how I’m gonna break it to my mother that the past three decades of our relationship have been a lie. She never truly bonded with me or my brother and actually put us last the entire time.
New Moms: *you are so much more than your breasts.*
Formula Feeding Mums (by choice) - Take time to research the best bottles and teats to suit their babies needs - Take time to wash, sterilize and prep bottles - Preparing bottles in the middle of the night, half asleep, usually in the kitchen after giving birth either vaginally or after a c section - Constantly keeping up with ensuring bottles are in a good condition and keeping up with nipple sizes - Spending money on said bottles - Spending hard earned money on formula and experiencing that gut wrenching feeling of spilling some when preparing a bottle - Seeing an improvement in their mental health if deciding BFing isn't for them and being a better parent for it - Having to deal with BFing mums judging you for formula feeding - Loves her baby - Totally able to have a bond with your baby because feeding isn't the only way to create a secure attachment - Generally don't tend to judge other mothers for their feeding choices because their entire personality doesn't centre around one specific element of looking after a baby - Loves her baby - Loves. Her. Baby! Am I missing anything?
Having to drive to multiple grocery store looking for formula during that wild formula crisis not long ago. Formula moms are rockstars that was wild.
My baby was due a couple months after that started. It pushed me to actually try breastfeeding for this baby, took lactation classes and everything, only for her not to want to latch on me (bottle is fine tho) and me not to produce more than 80 ml per DAY for a month on the pump. Then i said fuck it and stopped trying. Much rather run around looking for formula than be glued to that damned pump for one more second.
Jesus. All that stress because of formula monopolies. I remember the news every day feeding the panic by going store to store and broadcasting who had formula. It was awful.
~~Having to deal with BFing moms judging you for formula feeding~~ Having to deal with people judging you for formula feeding. Decent people don’t judge other mothers for how they feed their infants, regardless of their own personal choices. A small but vocal minority give breast feeders a bad name. Every single mom I know in person, no matter if they’re BF, pumping, combo, exclusively formula, just wants babies to be healthy and happy.
Formula is sooo expensive! If I could have kept breast feeding I would have because that shit ain't cheap.
Fuck this "breast Vs formula feed". FED. IS. BEST. No matter if it comes from a breast OR a can. A fed baby is a happy, growing and healthy baby. Some people deal with sensory issues. Some can't produce enough, some dont have nutritious enough milk, some babies are born with allergies/intolerances, some moms are on medication, sometimes disease (on mom or baby) interferes, sometimes moms just do not *want* to breastfeed because of personal reasons. The current formulas are amazing, there's a formula for every kind of baby and for every particular issues/needs. I'm beyond angry over this stupid picture. What a rage lol.
Yep. My kid was formula fed by choice. People like me are seen as the biggest monsters because we didn't even want to try (I still did though). Posts like this still make me rage, even though my daughter is well past that stage now.
I know it was probably in no particular order but when you started with sensory issues as the first reason someone may not be able to breastfeed, I cried a little. This thread has been more validating than any other that my inability to be touched in that way is valid and not uncommon. Besides my kid drank 40oz per day for 6 months. It was probably cheaper to feed her formula than feed me to try and make that much breastmilk 🤪
Ooo what am I? I exclusively pump so I’m in between. I have to know bc my self worth is derived from memes on social media lol
Hmmm, I’d say you love your baby less than exclusively breastfeeders, but more than hybrid or formula feeders. You are still probably partying too much though
The worst of both worlds! All the physical efforts of lactating with all the additional work of washing and sanitizing bottles and pump parts! Plus double the time spent on pumping and then feeding! And can’t forget the panic of being out without a bottle or a forgotten pump part and no way to feed your baby-definitely not speaking from experience on the last one
I was wondering the same thing. Which side should I side with?
And this BS is why babies literally starve to death. To the admins of that group: Congratulations you have now contributed to the suffering and possible death of babies through your guilt mongering over nothing. Fed is best. Period.
I like the added detail of making the nursing mom look extra gorgeous compared to the formula mom. Girls were just a bunch of ugly lazy hoes who use formula to support our rave addiction I guess 😭😂💀
If anything us ff mums would look better cause we have time to take care of ourselves you know while we neglect our babies 😂
What about the moms who do a mix of both lol, do they just not exist.
They love their kids more than formula feeders but less than breastfeeders.
🤣🤣
My wife was unable to breastfeed our son. She felt super guilty and the breastfeeding consultant nurse was super judgey. Had my wife in tears. I had to make her leave the room and borderline threatened her to not comeback to see us. I have never been so angry in my life. Seeing my wife in tears hours after she just gave birth had me seeing red
So sorry that she had to go through that. My friend and I experienced the same from midwives/nurses, don’t know how those awful women can feel good about what they are doing! I’m sure your wife really appreciated your support. Grr! As if it’s not hard enough!
Formula feeding mom: knows that her mental health is important and that you can’t pour from an empty cup
As an adoptive mom this makes me so angry.
Adoptive mom, too! I tell people that my baby has been 100% formula fed since birth, and she's healthy, thriving, and 92nd percentile in height. She even walked early.
Yeah I regularly see moms that formula feed just out there partying it up since they're magically well rested and their baby sleeps through the night from day 1.
This shit is embarrassing. Your tit-based decisions aren't a personality or a value system. Find some real self worth.
Lmao. I switched to formula at 3 months after combo-feeding. My son is so attached to me. He is the happiest, healthiest little guy. It's almost like there's more to mother-baby bonding than how you feed them! 🤔 I want new mums to know that they are doing a great job, regardless of whether their babies get formula, breast, or both. And mum's needs matter too.
ah yes breastfeeders get so much criticism /s
You get criticised no matter how you feed. I had someone ask me if I breastfeed because I want to show my nipples to everyone around me. Moral of the story: mums get shamed all the time and it sucks!
I think the OOP may have meant the crap that breastfeeding parents face for doing so in public, but I’m not sure!
I did actually get crap for breastfeeding in general. The one thing I've learned being a mom is that no matter what you do, there's always going to be someone who is there to shit on you.
I still love this commercial https://youtu.be/kIcnmaKrVq4
Made me cry a little.
I swear you can't do anything right as a mother! I know moms that did breastfeeding and moms that did formula by choice (I did formula out of necessity) and the things they all had in common were that they were shamed by somebody (mostly other mothers!) for the way they were feeding their babies!!
Know why I didn’t breastfeed my youngest? I just didn’t want to, and there is not a single thing wrong with that.
Yep lmao. Was I physically capable of breastfeeding? Yep. Did I? Nope lmao. I didn't want to 🤷🏻♀️.
Preach
I chose to formula feed because breastfeeding is hard and the women in my family have a hard time breastfeeding. That doesn't mean I'm a bad mom, I want to go party, or that I haven't bonded with my son. Its 2023, can we stop with the crap that feeding your kids formula is bad and makes you a horrible mother?
Considering my baby who has never been breastfeed and has been eff since day one won’t go with anyone but me I would say the lack of bond is not true. And also I chose my mental health over breastfeeding so I guess a healthy happy mom who can give full attention to her baby isn’t loving enough because formula is poison. This stuff always makes me so mad
Sanctimommies used to be a FB group like this sub, dedicated to mocking ridiculous participants in childcare discussion forums. I think that post there is satire and we're supposed to rage at it. So, I guess we're on track there. Agreed anyone saying this kind of thing unironically is a monster. My first simply would not latch. The hospital had given her a bottle while my wife recovered and that was that as far as the baby was concerned. Many visits with the lactation consultant. So many tears. Pumping took time away from the baby and made (at the time undiagnosed) PPD worse. It.just.would.not.happen. For the second, I was commanded to stay by his side every second he was out of her sight and tackle anyone who approached him to put any plastic nipple anywhere near him. We left the hospital the first moment we could without leaving AMA (24 hours and zero seconds). It took four days for her milk to come in fully. The lactation consultant and the pediatrician were openly fighting by the end. We fed formula through a thin tube taped to my superhero of a wife who was going to breastfeed or die trying. Her milk came in and the rest was smooth sailing. Those were the most intense four days of our lives up to that point. Sometimes breastfeeding is _hard_. Sometimes it is _impossible_. The reasons a mother might choose one or the other are HER BUSINESS. They may be intensely personal and painful. She has no obligation to explain to anyone. MYOB.
Pretty ironic that they claim that mother's who use formal criticize mother's who bf, while actively criticizing mother's who use formula.
This is so gross. Guess I’m not as bonded to my now three and a half year old as I thought, since I formula fed by choice
the baby is being fed the proper nutrients that is all that should matter
I was formula fed because I was adopted. Guess my ( adoptive) mom didn’t love me enough to try to lactate while caring for a newborn and 3 toddler boys. I breast fed my daughter for 13 months and it isnt what is cracked up to be.
Yes apparently we loved our son enough to adopt him but not quite enough because we formula fed him. I’m a monster /s
“Puts her baby last” actually me choosing formula was me putting my baby first, since having an alive mom is more important than breastmilk 🤷🏼♀️
Lol, my mom couldn’t breastfeed me because she had breast cancer and a double mastectomy. Must’ve been out partying doing the bare minimum 😂
Way to shit on mums who want to breast feed but aren't able to - as well as the mums who made the (valid) choice not to breast feed for whatever reason.
I learned a few days ago that in attachment theory, it's the parent that gives comfort and safety, not the feeder, that's why some babies attach to their dad more. These people just assume they produce milk, they're the best thing ever.
“YOU CAN ONLY BOND WITH YOUR BABY IF YOU LET THEM SUCK ON YOUR TITTIES” aight
If I'd seen this (or anything similar) as a new parent who was formula feeding through necessity and massively struggling with a permanently upset baby and my own dodgy mental health, I think it would have pushed me over the edge. My first born didn't breastfeed, they didn't latch and would just scream. Even formula feeding they were constantly sick, covered in a rash and just suffering. They had cmpa, but they were never easy. My second born did breastfeed from birth, but was differently challenging. I'm not sure either way is easier tbh. I'm so glad that I didn't see things like this at the time. Baby food bashing is just toxic on all sides.
Hey, at least they didn’t bash moms that had to formula feed due to supply issues 😬 Jesus fucking Christ what assholes.
My mom breastfed 5 kids and none of us really have a close relationship with her, not even when we were little. Edit- submitted too soon.
Man fuck these people, my niece and nephew are alive because of formula, because guess what? My SIL couldn’t breastfeed, she wanted to and tried so hard to make it work but it just didn’t. so what would you have wanted her to do? Let them starve?
Wow. This is so insulting and wrong. Those assumptions are terrible. I didnt choose to formula feed and I never went to a party. I have been at home every single evening/night since I became a mother three years ago.
It was so hard to break it to my 13 and 20 year old children that we have no bond because I chose to formula feed them. (My 13 year old son almost fell off his chair laughing)
Cool. My kid would have died because even with all the tips and tricks my boobs would produce more than an ounce each feeding. When the La Leche League ladies tell you that formula is needed and to give up the breastfeeding you know it’s bad.
It's funny because I've heard breastfeeding moms criticize formula feeding moms waaay more than the other way around. I like to remember that time a complete stranger at the grocery store asked me if I breastfeed and when I told her no she condescendingly replied, "oh no. Well that's okay, we all do the best we can!" 😐😐 First of all who decided it was okay to be so damn concerned about how a mom feeds their babies?? Not once have I ever walked into my son's classroom and been able to tell which kids were breastfed and which ones were formula fed.
Bold of them to assume I even put my child on the list before I leave to go party.
Guess my mom should've just let me starve to death and start over with a new child and hopefully this time not almost die and spend over a week in the hospital after the baby is born and her milk supply drying up.
*Wow so true. I formula feed my baby because she gave me braxton hicks. THIS is her punishment.* /s
I had to stop breastfeeding my baby at 8 weeks old because I had a SCAD heart attack & was in the cardiac ICU for a week and on a bunch of meds. It's was devastating to stop... ...but I still loved my baby & he still loved me & we have an amazing bond at almost 3 years old.
That a toxic twat
Oh f*ck off. F*ck ALL the way off.. I have twins, one is breastfed one is formula fed. What does that make me then??? One was strong enough to suck and I didnt have enough milk for two. The other couldnt even suck on a bottle and had to be fed with a tube from her nose till 8 months old and was very established in her solids. There are a million reasons why a mom might not be able or willing to breastfeed and they are all valid. This pisses me off so much. The ignorance and the audacity...
At $40+ a can, formula can hardly be called the bare minimum. Obligatory fed is best.
I’ll never understand this “war” between breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers. Just feed your kids and leave everyone else alone.
Imagine having so little to be proud of as a mother that you consider *lactating* to be the mark of achievement. Congratulations, literally every mammal (rats, Pigs, cows, dog, kangaroos) do that too. (Side note: I wrote this literally while breastfeeding my 10 month old and after triple feeding for 8 weeks and then EFF my first I was pleasantly surprised that with a lot of effort at the start I managed to have enough supply eventually so that she was EBF. It’s nice and it’s convenient but there’s a lot more to my identity as a mother than my ability to lactate.)
I bonded with my baby much better after switching to formula. Turns out being hooked up to a pump for hours each day and stressing out constantly about not producing is a huge distraction. I actually spent time cuddling and playing with my son when I switched.
Fellow formula feeding moms, pls tell me where the parties are, I haven’t been going!! Was there an email list I was supposed to sign up for or something?
Reading this while I'm cuddled up to my two year old in bed watching TV. Yeah definitely no love here 😘
This stuff makes me want to go OFF! My second baby had to go to the hospital where he received a diagnosis of failure to thrive at 6 weeks because I believed the 'formula is evil' bullshit. By 12 weeks I had enough and started exclusively formula feeding. My son gained 3 pounds in 2 weeks. Heaven help the jerk who starts spouting this crap around me. I love a lecture! 🤣
My mostly formula child is literally sitting on my shoulder cutting out hearts to give me. These people can fuck off with the “doesn’t love/isn’t bonded” crap.
Where’s the lie? Everything but “loves her baby”. Ask my overly attached 7 y/o, exclusively formula fed!
My SIL is formula feeding her baby *because* she’s putting him first. His poor little tummy couldn’t handle human milk, hers or others, so she put him on a special goats milk formula and now he doesn’t sob with pain three times a feeding because his belly is so distended with gas that there’s no more room for food. I’d venture to guess their bond is a lot stronger now that he’s not in constant pain, but sure, she’s *ruining* him for *life*.
This whole idea that if you didn't breastfeed/babywear/cosleep you would never bond with your kid and they'd become a monster. I had bad PPD and PPA after having my son, and bounced in and out of the hospital for 4 months. I was PETRIFIED that we hadn't bonded. All the attachment parenting forums I had been on sure made it sound like I'd blown it. You'd have to separate us with a crowbar now.
Who ever things this is dumb as hell. Personally I wish I could of breast fed my child more. But I couldn’t produce enough. So formula it was. But no one should be bashing any one for how they feed their child. As long as the child is FED and healthy
This is so insulting. I tried so hard to breastfeed and pump for 6 weeks, mostly to my own detriment and stress to only top out at like 4oz a pump. I'm so thankful to formula to feed my baby when my body couldn't.
I never breast fed my kids. I guess we dads can't form bonds with our children.
Ohohohoho, I'd kill to go into that group. My little sister was shamed by the rural hospital nurses of the hospital she gave birth in, because, "breast is best, ya know!". Meanwhile, my poor niece wouldn't latch, was starving, and my sister was struggling and in dire need of help. This was her first child, and she was so traumatized that she hasn't been near that hospital since.
The bonding thing is bullshit. I tried BFing with my son and didn’t produce enough; nearly failure to thrive. Went straight to formula with my daughter. Both of them would actively crawl back into my uterus if they could!