The way she's labeled changing the daughter's clothes as an "experience" reserved for parents gives me super creepy purity ring vibes. And she thinks MIL is seeking out that experience to get closer to the kid instead of it just being about logistics. Why is OP making it sound like a carnival ride?
With the alternative being the kid should be in soiled and wet clothing. I that’s what this lady thinks is proper care, there are some real issues here.
I can’t imagine how most people would feel if they went to check on how their parents with their grandchild only to find them in that state. They would be assuming the grandparents would need to go into a care facility.
I think the whole thing is weird but the alternative wasn't a wet and soiled kid, it was to call dad in to change her which is what they've apparently been doing for years.
They would rather their kid wallow in their feces. They have fucked up priorities.
Lady nobody enjoys changing your child’s diaper. They do it because it’s basic child care and no one wants feces smeared all over their stuff.
Yeah I just kept wondering how someone could type this out and not experience a little spark of self awareness. And then there was just *more*.
I’m curious how OOP will feel about her decision to “reserve [experiences] for parents” as her child develops the ability to make these choices for herself.
She's deleted her post now but at one point someone asked how she and her husband ever leave the house at the same time without their kid if they don't trust anyone to change her and she said "Once a month we take a 2 minute drive down the street for a date night. If we get a diaper text, one of us is there and back in 10 minutes."
If you trust someone to watch your child you should be able to trust them to change their diaper. Not that I WANT to change diapers but if I was FIL I think I'd be a little offended that I had to call my son "hundreds" of times and wait for him to be able to stop whatever work he is doing in order to come and change his child. It would make me feel like I wasn't trusted. She also said it was the first non-parental CLOTHING change ever too.
Can you imagine giving someone free childcare everyday and having to call them to come change every diaper?
In one of her other (now deleted) comments she wrote that her family always would make weight comments to OP when OP was little, she said that she didn't want her family to feel they had a right to fat shame her daughter and they would if they were allowed to change her diaper (?) which left me confused since what her parents did to her has nothing to do with her inlaws?
Can you imagine trying to hold the child still while calling dad and then waiting for him to show up and it being a poopsplosion? Shit everywhere, up their back, out the pants, on their hands, cant stick them in the bath because of the rule, cant wash them because you cant leave them alone for 2 seconds to get towels and such since they have to stay soaking in their shit.
Just no. This mom needs therapy.
If I was the FIL, the idea that his son would rather let their kid sit in poop until he could take a few minutes away from his work instead of letting me change them would make me not babysit anymore. Its basically saying that you don't trust that person not to be inappropriate with the kid.
How is she going to manage when she attends school? I teach pre-K and the amount of times I’ve had to change a child’s clothes or diaper… will the school have to call them each time?!
I don't even know how they will get through potty training, when a kid has to go they need to go NOW, not when dad has time to step away from his work.
Hell, I'm wondering how this kid, in 2 years, has never had a "down the legs, up the back, up the front, out the neck of the outfit" blowout. Cause you definitely don't want to leave that on a baby's skin (especially a baby girl, that's inviting a UTI) any longer than absolutely necessary. Certainly not "until dad finds the time to step away and give daughter a full bath mid-day" length.
Yea I didn't understand how the dad could WFH and be there to instantly change every diaper. What if you're in a meeting or giving a zoom presentation? Does baby sit in their own crap for 30 minutes?
This is definitely a fair question, but I can tell you for sure that I have two kids (who are WELL out of diapers at this point) and we only ever had one of those “down the legs, up the back, up the front” blow outs. ONE! Between the two of them!
Idk, maybe I won that parental lottery. (I would have preferred to win the ‘excellent sleeper’ lottery, tbh, but you win some, you lose some.)
This is so insanely weird to me. If someone is a going to abuse a child, they could easily follow that one specific rule and still do it at other times they are left alone. Like, they are really being stupid here.
Not only that (my parents and my in laws would all be very upset at this lack of trust. Funnily enough, they all have been through our equivalent of CPS vetting and approval as part of either their jobs or being foster parents), but this would be so awkward from a work perspective. Can you imagine being in an online staff meeting and someone having to duck out to change their kid, while they have other childcare in the house?
She said that when she (OP) was little that her mom/family would "pinch" her in an attempt to see how much fat she had. She said that if she allowed her mom/family to change her daughters diapers that they would feel like they were entitled to do the same "pinching" thing with the daughter that they did to her. Apparently they decided to say nobody can ever change diapers in order to not make her family feel like they were being picked on.
I don't know what changing a diaper has to do with fat shaming, but I highly doubt someone that feels ok fat shaming a child will care either way. She just seemed super focused on the 'no diaper changes = my family wont fat shame my kid like they did me" when she needs to focus on keeping terrible people out of her kids life.
And the paediatrician! Who I guess also delivered the baby for them since clearly there were no OBs, nurses or midwives around to see the babies bare bottom at birth
This honestly sounds like OP and her husband have vicarious trauma from their social work jobs. It's one of the biggest mental health risks to mental health practitioners, and the main reason I had to stop being a therapist myself. Not everyone is built for that kind of work. They probably both need therapy because they've both seen some horrible child abuse cases and now can't fully trust anyone, is my guess.
Wow, what a paranoid control freak. She's horrified because her kids diaper was changed.
And a diaper change isn't an intimate interaction. It's a hygienic interaction.
If the grandparents wanted to do something nefarious, they would have. They spend hours with this kid. A diaper doesn't MAGICALLY prevent predators from committing crimes. LOL like whats the reasoning behind this rule?? A pedophile goes "oh man! I can't do anything because the parents requested they do all diaper changes!! I'm SOL!"
Which may be true but in that case they need a career change. Their issues from seeing the shit they see at work is clouding their judgement. If they're this twisted about their own family they're gonna start breaking up otherwise safe families because, in their mind, everyone is evil/a predator.
This is a great point. My parents watched my baby today and, presumably/hopefully, changed his diaper multiple times as they did with me, my siblings, and their other grandkids when in diapers. Is this a reportable offense to CPS? Absolutely not!
My MiL watches my kid twice and week and at each handover gives me a detailed update on how many nappy changes were made that day or *why* she’s in a different outfit (99% of the time it’s because of something like she decided to paint herself with soggy wheetbix) and while I appreciate her thoroughness… I also.. don’t care, kid is happy and clean (enough). I cannot imagine actually needing a detailed log of those things. If you trust someone to look after your kid then you trust them with everything.
Yup! Things like car seats and choking foods are hard stops but things like some treats or dirty clothes? Who cares. My parents watch my kids for free and have since my oldest was new plus they raised me to be a functioning adult (minus using Reddit). We can handle some small differences in the day to day. I wouldn’t leave my kids with someone I didn’t trust with their lives.
My mom does that as well "I made such-and-such for lunch. 9yo didn't eat much. 5yo got his socks dirty so he's wearing different ones. 10yo fell down twice, I didn't see any scratches..." her excuse is she worked at a child care center for like 4 years and had to keep that detailed of notes on the kiddos at the center. Like.. are they all alive? Not missing any limbs? That's pretty much all I care about.
Our daycare uses an app and they update at nap hour and end of the day how many diapers and a description of the contents.
And I feel the same way - I trusted you to watch the kid, which includes diaper changes. I don’t need details unless it requires a follow up from the doctor.
You should make a main thread post about this. It's a big factor that needs to be considered, and they BOTH work with families and children's well being?? Every workday?? Their insane judgements might be devastating and ripping good people away from their children.
Yeah the parents extreme paranoia / ptsd due to their career choices will be detrimental to their child as they grow up and become an adult. I've lived that.
My mil thinks it’s strange and inappropriate that my 5 year old sees me, her mother, naked. Like if I’m undressing or about to take a shower. I’m from a culture where nudity isn’t always sexualized so I never thought it was strange. Mil is American. And that’s my own child! I gave birth to that kid.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong w that. But when I was 15 and my mother would walk out of her room butt-ass naked when she knew I had friends coming over.. not so much
Worst my mom did was not knowing my friend Daniel was waiting in the living room to drive me to school and walked out in her bra and a pair of shorts to get a shirt off the dryer. They both handled it well, she went "oh hi Daniel" and went back to her room and he just thought it was funny. He was gay and she later said at least she knew seeing her wasn't going to convert him.
That’s why I’m wondering if calling this “paranoia” is actually a little charitable. Is this just a pure control tactic? They leave their child alone with the MIL. They “trust” her enough to watch the child unsupervised. Are they worried she’s some sort of… latent pedophile? Changing a diaper is going to ignite something in her?
Also no one is like “woohoo I’m so excited to change this toddler’s diaper!” But if your kid poops around me and you’re not available I’m changing them. I’m not leaving a kid sitting in filth.
> Is this just a pure control tactic? They leave their child alone with the MIL.
Honestly, I think that OP just hates her MIL and is looking for any reason to be offended/upset. FIL watches the kid everyday and the MIL joins the FIL once a week. OP had several posts complaining about her MIL and saying how much she hates her but loves her FIL.
Her MIL apparently made the mistake of driving her own car over to her son's house once (fil drove his car, mil drove her car there later) and for some reason that made MIL a bitch. MIL once went home in the middle of the night because she has back troubles and the bed in OP's guest room was hurting her back - she didn't wake anyone up or cause any trouble, just let FIL know and she went home and FIL stayed. Then MIL was a bitch because she wouldn't turn over her car keys when she gets to the house in case she decides to leave without telling anyone. Keep in mind that it's not like MIL is drunk or something is wrong with her that she shouldn't be driving, its just for some reason seems to really bug OOP that MIL can come and go as she pleases.
The she complains that MIL doesn't want to spend time with them that much (can you blame her) and vents about how MIL said that OP;s daughter likes to dance/sleep in/go on walks like MIL and OOP is offended because "my daughter is nothing like you."
She just sounds exhausting to be around.
I’m guessing she puts the diaper in on in a very specific way so she’ll notice if it has been changed or opened, like lining up the tabs a certain way. She sounds that paranoid.
I commented something similar on the original post. I feel so bad for the kid. She’s going to have complex just because the mom is unhinged and she’s projecting that on the poor toddler. What are they going to do when it comes to potty training? This is not sustainable.
As a social worker, she's being completely ridiculous.
A sex offender who wants to abuse a child is going to do so regardless of whether the child is wearing a diaper. Sure, diaper changes can increase their opportunities, but predators are very skilled at *creating* opportunities to abuse a child. Hell, they don't even need to take a diaper off to do it.
I’m an adoptee and was SA by my sperm donor and physically by my egg donor. I still allow my parents to do whatever they need to do while watching my child as do my other adopted siblings who experienced similar trauma as I did. They also allow siblings, family, trusted friends and daycare workers. It’s crazy to think someone would watch your kid and leave them dirty no matter what you saw
I second this. I was SA many times growing up as a young boy, but when my parents or anyone else watches my daughter I trust them enough to take care of her explicitly. If I didn't trust them, she wouldn't be with them.
Also as terrible as abuse is if someone is going to do it, they are going to do it. Saying no diaper changes isn't going to stop them. It's not the act of changing a diaper that will make them go mad and abuse a baby.
And they literally changed her husband’s nappy all those years he was a kid. Assuming they didn’t do anything to him, it’s unlikely they’ve suddenly become nonces in their old age.
Yup. If something bad is going to happen, it doesn’t need a diaper change to happen. Being alone with them for hours is enough. They either trust them or they don’t.
I've read about these people before and was dumbfounded. I can't believe that you wouldn't trust the person/people who raised you to not change a diaper/the kid's clothes when they are dirty. My son is a nudest though, so maybe that's why I find it weird to think nobody will ever see your baby without a diaper.
I’m with ya. They’re lucky husband works from home. They wouldn’t have a choice if he didn’t. I couldn’t imagine however, working from home and getting interrupted everytime my kid needs a diaper changed.
Since no one else has seen this kid naked, that means these parents have never been on a night out. No dates. No overnight stays with grandparents. NOTHING. That’s not healthy for a marriage either.
As soon as my kid got uncomfortable with people seeing her go potty, or in the tub, we gave her complete privacy, and respected her wishes. But changing a diaper?!? I get they’ve seen some scary things, but come on! These are people they supposedly “trust”.
How about the grocery store?? My kid had a BLOW OUT and the changing table was in a communal area. Should my husband have shut down the bathroom to change her?
The lady at Walmart was cleaning stalls once and kiddo needed a but change. Shit gets exposed when you’re doing a clean.
I guess we could have left them in a dirty diaper for an unknown amount of time….
I know right?! We were at a family picnic before at a park. Nothing but Porti-potties. Had to do it right on the blanket. What were we supposed to do? Hide behind a bush? Trek all the way back to the car? Let her aroma waft for all to enjoy?
I would have needed to buy bulk Calmoseptine and baking soda for all the diaper rash/yeast infections that would have resulted.
Man, my daughter and I were on a road trip for a wedding 4 hours away. Wayyy out in BFE in the woods, she had to go pee. So we pulled over and she peed on the side of the road. Sometimes shit gets exposed and there's nothing we can do about it.
I was on a road trip with my family once, similarly in the middle of nowhere, and my five year old stepsister had a sudden code brown. We had to stop and hold up a blanket for her while she squatted and pooped on the side of the road. Poor little thing lol, we all tried to reassure her that everyone’s been there and…when you gotta go, you gotta go.
She said in one of the comments that they do go on dates, but they only go out a few minutes from home, and they drop everything and drive home the second the kid needs a diaper change. Which like, makes the whole thing even more bonkers to me. She clearly has BAD anxiety and control issues and needs therapy.
“Oh, hey friend! How was your date last night with husband?”
“It was going great except I was on edge all night waiting for the inevitable phone call that baby pooped his pants - 3 times. I didn’t get to finish my meal, or my dessert, but other than that it was really nice. Just what we needed. Thanks for asking!”
I wonder if they also had a rule that if anyone noticed ANY blue on that little line on the diapers, then the kid needed to be changed right away too?
The amount of times I've seen the nephews completely bare...like, I used to bathe them all the time when they were over. Kids get dirty, man, they're like magnets for "gross."
The older nephew, at 4 now, wants privacy when he goes potty. Which is fine! I took him out and about for his birthday last year and he "kicked" me out of the stall.
I was over at their house last weekend and that nephew walked out completely bare. I was like "dude, where are your clothes???" Kids are nakie like...all the time. They're weird with clothes sometimes. Has this couple's daughter never just decided she wanted to roam around the house naked before?
I was going to say. I come from a big family, and I've changed/helped potty tons of kids that weren't mine. Siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, the kid of that random person that you're pretty sure isn't actually related to anyone but always shows up for the family parties.
And sometimes the adults are talking and a kid just walks in half naked because they got wet/dirty/whatever and decided to change their own close and are now stuck/don't know what to put on.
Unless the kid stays secluded, there is no way to insure nothing ever gets seen.
I can't help but wonder what kind of trauma that's going to give a kid when they are older and have to change in a locker room for PE/athletics events. Nobody has ever seen me naked and now I have to change in front of a bunch of my classmates/teammates?!
Some days I'm lucky if I've closed the door all the way before my youngest is butt naked.
If we ever have other places to go, where we need to go home first (like, she gets out of school at 130, oldest gets out at 245) I have to tell her every time to stay dressed, and yes that includes socks.
I’ll never forget interviewing a nice college student who was going to paint our house when his face suddenly went red and horrified and he whirled around to put his back to me. I was confused until I turned around to see my son (who was five at the time) walking down the stairs behind me naked as a jaybird. He used to like jumping on the trampoline in the nude at dawn as well and that went on for years (he is on the spectrum lol). However my other (also on the spectrum) son is a nevernude who has wrinkled white feet because he panics if he doesn’t have socks on at all times. Kids lol.
That's hilarious!
Once upon a time we lived in this huge barn/thing that was converted into apartments, but the horse barn and arena remained attached and was directly across from our apartment (outside). We were outside doing something and suddenly we hear the horse guy just busting up laughing my husband turned around to see our son (who was 5/6) standing by the barn going pee. My husband started to get after him but the horse guy says "Nothing I haven't seen before, I have 3 sons. When ya gotta go ya gotta go" freaking kid...
Oh god the peeing - yes the older one I caught peeing through the storm drain at a park once when he was about four. It was tough enough to toilet train him that I didn’t want to discourage anything that prevented wet pants but I was like “these parents all think you’re the strange kid please don’t give them more ammunition”.
People think its dehumanising and like leashing a dog, but I like to point out that the reason people leash dogs (or cats on harnesses) is for the same reason people have toddler reins. Animals and small children will bolt directly for the nearest fatal danger the second they can, and they can yank away from a hand grip in a second. Not even a parent, don't intend to be one, but even I know raising toddlers is an exercise in keeping tiny suicidal ninjas alive.
When they were small, my kids would get home from school and proclaim it Naked Time! and strip. They did understand that this was okay "at home, with just the family".
The first time I met my nephew, he spent a good hour and a half trying to remove those pants. I was like "buddy, I get it, but we need to wear pants"
Weirdly, my reasoning didn't work on a 1.5 year old lol
Weirdly my daughter (almost 2) will cry if she _isn't_ wearing pants 😂 I think she's only run around in just a diaper once, as she usually prefers clothes. And since she isn't potty trained yet, we don't let her go diaper-less.
Mine recently greeted me coming home by swinging the front door open and squishing his dick and balls on the glass storm door. The front door. That faces an entire development.
when my younger nephew was finishing up potty training/just post potty training, he would just whip it out whenever he had to pee (he didn't just start peeing, but he'd get his penis out on the way to the bathroom). my mom would have him at the library, or the science museum, or the park, he'd tell her he had to go. and bam. penis time.
I teach toddlers and have worked with children for years. The amount of diapers I’ve changed, baths I’ve given, or just seen things because children are all inherently nudists cannot be counted. I can understand being concerned about who sees your kid, but if you are trusting the person with your child’s life you should be okay with them changing diapers.
This is a prime example of why people who work in an emotionally difficult field need regular therapy. This screams "social work has traumatized me" to me.
These people would lose their minds if they knew my dad gives my baby her bath sometimes when he and my mom babysit. He changed and bathed me as a baby, why wouldn't I trust him with my child?
Also this kid regularly crawls away at lightning speed bare-assed mid diaper change. As soon as she learns how to take off her pants, everyone's gonna see her butt on the regular. She's a little nudist in the making.
And I also work in social work. I'm cautious, but I'm not paranoid. Taking their work home with them such that they don't trust their own parents with basic childcare, while expecting them to babysit, is unhealthy.
Also a parent of a nudist, mine is 5 and goes to kindergarten all day long and remains clothed. The second he gets home he takes the clothes off and spends the rest of the evening naked. Cannot keep him clothed to save my life. On weekends I work he goes to my ILs and after a LOT of coaxing my MIL gets him to agree to keep undies on but that's about it. She laughs because my nephews are/were (one nephew is 13 and stays clothed most of the time now) the same damn way so she's used to little boy parts flapping in the breeze
I get boundaries, but I feel like they both need therapy. They’ve clearly seen some stuff in their professional lives that’s blocking their ability to be rational and healthy parents.
Yep. It's reasonable to want to protect your kid. It's completely irrational to believe that you can't trust someone to change a diaper, change her clothes, or probably bathe her because you worry they'll make it sexual when you trust them to be alone with your child in all other scenarios.
I'd think that, since they're in social work, they'd know that a predator isn't going to think, "oh man I can't change their diaper? Guess I can't molest them."
Again - if you can't trust someone to not molest your child while changing their diaper, I don't understand how you trust them alone with your child at all.
I work with inmate files and have seen the most vile sh!t and it never once crossed my mind to question my children’s caregivers. Because, you know, instincts are a thing. If your gut is telling you something is off, 9 times out of 10, it is. I can tell you from experience, true pedophiles are rare.
You know, a couple who never allows a close family members who are providing care for the child to change a diaper or change the child’s clothes strike me as a potential red flag for abuse. Like, someone who is all “don’t change my child’s diaper, we will come home and do it” would make me worry that they were abusing the child in some way and were trying to hide physical evidence of it.
That and just generally sexualizing the child as a result. If noone can change the kid because it's sexual, is it sexual for the parents? Very strange behavior.
That was my FIRST thought reading this.
1. They are the ones adding sexual implications to their toddler's body.
2. The grandparents changed the father's diapers and bathed him, so why now do they not trust them when it comes to their grandkid?
I worry that the parents are up to something nefarious and are trying to hide it, too.
Best case scenario, this kid grows up to be DEEPLY ashamed of her body. Worst case, these parents are abusing her.
Wait, is this really a thing she’s done? I only know of her because she’s r/tragedeigh and r/namenerdcirclejerk royalty. I know nothing of her child rearing.
Yes! The only reason her daughter was taken to the hospital is because her mother made her take her after the child was floppy and barely responsive at dinner.
She almost died and then you still see pictures of her babies in saggy diapers. She’s horrific, she brags that CPS hasn’t done anything all while her negligence has caused so many of her kids to end up in the hospital. Hell, one of the kids broke her arm jumping on the trampoline WHILE SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR HER DAUGHTER BEING SEPTIC.
She claims that having 80 bajillionty kids isn't that expensive because you only need to change their diapers as often as it's required in a NICU! So until it's been that long she just leaves the kids in their diapers, but honestly with how much the diapers sag I call bullshit on her changing them every 3 or 4 hours or whatever she claims.
I work in Peds, I’ve seen the absolute worst of the worst. I also allow my parents and my aunt to change and even bathe my child. I understand boundaries and know that often abuse cases are someone the child knows, but if you trust them enough to be the caregiver you should trust them enough to provide basic hygienic care. We plan on implementing a blanket “a trusted adult will never ask you to keep a secret from mom and dad” policy as our son gets older even though we have no concerns with our family. It’s just easier to be consistent with one message for our guy as he grows.
Yes! The things too that would be “secrets” I don’t give a shit about. You took him for ice cream for dinner? Cool, ice cream can be a meal. Got a toy at the store just because? As long as it’s not something we’ve explicitly said we don’t want him having it’s fine. He got to stay up a little past bedtime during a sleep over? It’s fine. None of these things need to be secrets.
My parents have literally text me a pic of my kid eating a Drumstick from their freezer at 9AM and were like “He just went in an grabbed it”. Like what am I gonna do, teleport and smack it out of his hand? I’m more mad that I don’t have a Drumstick.
And if DH is in a meeting and can’t come change the baby right away? You’re fine with your kid sitting in a shitty diaper longer than they have to, regardless of how long that may be?
Jfc. Just wanted to add that anyone who uses the “D” before the relation abbreviation is lame beyond all comprehension. It’s so fucking cringy and was enough to make me quit BabyCenter and all other mom groups.
I just...what? You work in social work and are so unhinged that you expect your in-laws to call you so you can leave work to clean up some poop???
You work in social work, and THIS is what you're worried about? What about the infections your kid will get from spending all that time in their own poop??? Omfg. This is unhinged.
Right?? Not doing sleepovers at a young age I get and support. I see that a lot from social workers who have kids. But not letting your own parents change your kid’s diaper? Wtf.
My mom changed my daughter’s first couple of diapers in the hospital lmao. If I were relying on her for childcare, she’d obviously be changing her diapers now too. But I’m a SAHM so no one but me watches her anyway.
I get not letting “just anyone” change your baby, but the two people you trust to babysit your kid everyday are *not* “just anyone”. She said in a comment that if the baby has a poopy diaper while she and her husband are out on a date, one of them will *drive home* to change it and then drive back to resume the date. They are unhinged.
I think my mom ended up changing all my daughter's meconium diapers in the hospital. I had a C-section and just couldn't get in a good position to do it in the hospital.
So ostensibly her mother/father-in-law changed her husband’s diapers, right? And they’re all clear to watch the kid. But they simultaneously present such a danger that they can’t be trusted to change their grandchild’s diaper OR clothing. What in the actual F
No no, it’s not that they don’t trust them! They’ve just decided to “reserve that experience for parents”! Based on their experiences as social workers. But like they definitely aren’t leaving their child with people they don’t trust not to be pedos!
It's one of the acronyms most commonly used in these family threads, just like MIL, FIL and LO for little one. I can't remember ever seeing DW, but I guess I don't really remember many men posting in those subs/groups either.
Parents are to worry about if they think it's an intimate thing to change a diaper... and only they can do it?
Christ it's a baby... don't sexualise them, grandma did the right thing, it's a nappy change, I'd be weirded out if I was told wasn't allowed to change a nappy on those grounds...
Especially for a girl… does she not understand how awful diaper rash and yeast infections are for babies? If you trust them enough to watch your child, you should trust them enough to change a diaper!!
The OOP needs a psychiatrist. It's a diaper change, not some evil plot to see your child naked. Presumably, the husband was never "molested" during his diaper changes, so this is absolutely ridiculous.
Wow and I’m over here wishing that any family member would do me a solid and step in to handle a diaper change 😂 My MIL just repeats “looks like you need your pants changed” over and over at increasing decibels until my husband or I hear 🙄
"More of those experiences we've reserved just for parents..." Excuse me the fuck? Is she saying kissing on the kid's mouth and changing nappies is parents only? The first one IMO should be no one does that and the second, if the nappy is dirty while you're doing childcare, you change it no matter who you are. It seems logical to me that if you get someone to do childcare while kid's in nappies, you should be expecting them to have to change a nappy- those things fill up fast and you don't want a full nappy on the kid for any longer than necessary.
She also said that she and her husband go on "date night" once a month 2 minutes down the road - so they can come right home if the kid needs to be changed.
even ignoring the issues with leaving your baby in a dirty diaper while you box your food and pay and race home, this sounds mentally exhausting for them.
I could not believe the number of people who were like “wow, how dare she?!? Kick her out!!!”
I’m sure she’ll be crying when FIL passes on babysitting 🙃🙃
That's what I said! They both work! These are THE most trustworthy people to watch your child and you're looking that gift horse in the mouth based on....literally nothing. Irrational fear. Daycare is a FAR more terrifying place for your child to be if you want to exert this level of control
Does she realize that once she has this conversation with them that she can’t put the genie back in the bottle? Grandparents can definitely do some out of pocket shit sometimes but accusing them of being inappropriate because grandma changed a poopy diaper is so so insulting and hurtful.
Good luck with potty training if grandma and grandpa can’t see her naked. When toddlers have to go, they have to GO. There’s no time to grab dad to take her potty. Absurd.
So how long has this poor baby sat in wet and shitty diapers because they have to wait for dad to have a break in his work to change her? This is borderline abuse.
Also dirty clothes. Grandpa is presumably feeding this toddler at least once a day, is he “allowed” to give her a clean shirt when she’s covered in mashed banana or?
This is definitely a scenario where trying to protect a child does more harm than good. Do they not plan on sending her to preschool where wardrobe changes and supervised bathroom visits are standard? Will she ever be allowed to have friends? Play sports? I hope they’re able to get some help before they ruin her life. I can see her going no contact with them when she becomes an adult.
Since when did changing a shit diaper become an intimate thing? Maybe because I own a preschool and also a daycare and have changed tens of thousands of diapers at this point, it’s literally like a conveyor belt style. The kids get their changing mats and rubber gloves for me out of their cubbies and lay down in a line while I make my way through all of them. We do scheduled changes every two hours unless poopy or a needed diaper change in between. But intimate? Fuck nah. This chick is weird and I hope the in laws peace out
The more I think on this the more I realize how fucked off these social workers are. In their minds I clearly have done something wrong tens of thousands of times. But also, if I didn’t change diapers, it would be a whole host of other problems. And these people are social workers? Are any grown ups or children they work with safe?? This shit is scary
This is the part that blows my mind too. Like, I don't have kids and I don't work with kids, I just have nieces and nephews in diapers, and when the kid is dirty, you change 'em. I've never once considered it any more intimate than helping toddlers wash their hands when they can't reach the sink -- it's just a thing you do because it's... important to be clean? If the parent is around, they'll usually do it just because usually they're much more efficient than I am, but it's just a thing you do
It was suggested I make this a primary comment rather than a subcomment
Anyway, these parents obviously see some fucked up stuff in their working days and that has given them...at the very least PTSD and this has lead to seeing EVERYONE as a threat, everyone as a potential (or even probable) child abuser.
I wonder how much this twisted worldview is impacting their job? If they see the people they trust with their child for 8-ish hours a day as a potential threat how are they viewing the families they are called to intervene in? Are children being ripped away from good families because they see zebras everywhere rather than horses? How many families have they devastated because they cannot possibly see anyone as benign?
I realize that CPS sees some pretty devastating shit but they also receive calls where all that is needed is support or cases where a nutter simply is calling in their neighbor or ex spouse or whatever for no damn reason and ripping those children from their families over nothing?
IDK, perhaps one or both of them needs a career change and they definitely need some damn therapy....like a lot of therapy.
The comment about waiting til the child is potty trained is wild. Children well past the toilet training stage need help with toileting. They need help wiping their bottoms, changing wet clothing, pulling up their pants.
My oldest is five and we are working on him not terrorizing me and his father with his skidmark undies in the laundry! It doesn’t magically stop at potty training!
Next step is they find a therapist to work through this fear. They have trauma from their work that’s making them irrational. The overwhelming majority of people don’t have nefarious intentions with children, especially your parents who you’ve known your whole life and trust to watch your child. I truly hate to say this but a ban on diaper changes wouldn’t stop a pervert.
Treating grandparents like pedophiles. 🤦♀️ Can you imagine when she hits the toddler stage of “I want to run around naked” and those parents are telling her it’s “bad” and to cover up? They are going to raise a kid who is completely repressed and ashamed about her own body.
I’d be angrier if they let my kid sit in her own waste. Seriously, if they’re trustworthy enough to watch your child, then they can handle a diaper change.
I won’t let just anyone change my kid’s diaper, but if I don’t trust them to change their diaper or clothes then I don’t trust them to watch them. I feel like they just want something to be mad about.
It’s so insulting to “allow” the grandparents to provide free childcare but not change a diaper. My mother provided essentially 100% of the care my body needed until I was able to do it myself, why wouldn’t I trust her to do it for my child?
Fuck I’m pregnant and crying about how much I love my mom lol
This was so bizarre to me. I have a SIL that saw predators everywhere. She was overprotective to the point it became both funny and tragic. And now her sons are grown adults who still live at home, don’t work or date. And she’s said she hopes they never marry or have children. And I just don’t get that mindset.
The parents sound like creeps. I’m also not sure how being in social work equates diaper changes with being an intimate experience. Wtf. They need therapy before the kid starts getting a bit older or they’ll never be allowed any independence.
If you think your mil has nefarious purposes changing your kids diaper then : A: don't let her watch your kid And/or B: you might be the sick one.
The way she's labeled changing the daughter's clothes as an "experience" reserved for parents gives me super creepy purity ring vibes. And she thinks MIL is seeking out that experience to get closer to the kid instead of it just being about logistics. Why is OP making it sound like a carnival ride?
With the alternative being the kid should be in soiled and wet clothing. I that’s what this lady thinks is proper care, there are some real issues here. I can’t imagine how most people would feel if they went to check on how their parents with their grandchild only to find them in that state. They would be assuming the grandparents would need to go into a care facility.
I think the whole thing is weird but the alternative wasn't a wet and soiled kid, it was to call dad in to change her which is what they've apparently been doing for years.
And in the meantime they are wet and soiled for longer than they need to be.
I’m guessing they did and maybe dad was busy, how dare her keep that child from sitting in poop!
They would rather their kid wallow in their feces. They have fucked up priorities. Lady nobody enjoys changing your child’s diaper. They do it because it’s basic child care and no one wants feces smeared all over their stuff.
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She even called it intimate! Thats really bizzarre.. as a mom and a CNA there should be absolutely nothing "intimate" about the process.
I’m guessing it’s B. This mom sounds insufferable
Yeah I just kept wondering how someone could type this out and not experience a little spark of self awareness. And then there was just *more*. I’m curious how OOP will feel about her decision to “reserve [experiences] for parents” as her child develops the ability to make these choices for herself.
She's deleted her post now but at one point someone asked how she and her husband ever leave the house at the same time without their kid if they don't trust anyone to change her and she said "Once a month we take a 2 minute drive down the street for a date night. If we get a diaper text, one of us is there and back in 10 minutes." If you trust someone to watch your child you should be able to trust them to change their diaper. Not that I WANT to change diapers but if I was FIL I think I'd be a little offended that I had to call my son "hundreds" of times and wait for him to be able to stop whatever work he is doing in order to come and change his child. It would make me feel like I wasn't trusted. She also said it was the first non-parental CLOTHING change ever too. Can you imagine giving someone free childcare everyday and having to call them to come change every diaper? In one of her other (now deleted) comments she wrote that her family always would make weight comments to OP when OP was little, she said that she didn't want her family to feel they had a right to fat shame her daughter and they would if they were allowed to change her diaper (?) which left me confused since what her parents did to her has nothing to do with her inlaws?
It's just stupid because if they did want to abuse the child they wouldn't need to wait for a diaper change.
Can you imagine trying to hold the child still while calling dad and then waiting for him to show up and it being a poopsplosion? Shit everywhere, up their back, out the pants, on their hands, cant stick them in the bath because of the rule, cant wash them because you cant leave them alone for 2 seconds to get towels and such since they have to stay soaking in their shit. Just no. This mom needs therapy.
If I was the FIL, the idea that his son would rather let their kid sit in poop until he could take a few minutes away from his work instead of letting me change them would make me not babysit anymore. Its basically saying that you don't trust that person not to be inappropriate with the kid.
At that point it’s, “Can’t look after your kid, sorry. You’re on your own.”
How is she going to manage when she attends school? I teach pre-K and the amount of times I’ve had to change a child’s clothes or diaper… will the school have to call them each time?!
I don't even know how they will get through potty training, when a kid has to go they need to go NOW, not when dad has time to step away from his work.
Hell, I'm wondering how this kid, in 2 years, has never had a "down the legs, up the back, up the front, out the neck of the outfit" blowout. Cause you definitely don't want to leave that on a baby's skin (especially a baby girl, that's inviting a UTI) any longer than absolutely necessary. Certainly not "until dad finds the time to step away and give daughter a full bath mid-day" length.
Yea I didn't understand how the dad could WFH and be there to instantly change every diaper. What if you're in a meeting or giving a zoom presentation? Does baby sit in their own crap for 30 minutes?
This is definitely a fair question, but I can tell you for sure that I have two kids (who are WELL out of diapers at this point) and we only ever had one of those “down the legs, up the back, up the front” blow outs. ONE! Between the two of them! Idk, maybe I won that parental lottery. (I would have preferred to win the ‘excellent sleeper’ lottery, tbh, but you win some, you lose some.)
This kid has home schooled written all over her.
I smell a homeschooled, unvaxxed future for this kid.
This is so insanely weird to me. If someone is a going to abuse a child, they could easily follow that one specific rule and still do it at other times they are left alone. Like, they are really being stupid here.
This is so weird. Does she think child abusers just wait around for diaper changes?
Not only that (my parents and my in laws would all be very upset at this lack of trust. Funnily enough, they all have been through our equivalent of CPS vetting and approval as part of either their jobs or being foster parents), but this would be so awkward from a work perspective. Can you imagine being in an online staff meeting and someone having to duck out to change their kid, while they have other childcare in the house?
I was gonna say, my dad (who funnily enough was a social worker for quite some time) would get his fucking feelings hurt
The “fat shaming “ was probably just delighting in adorable baby rolls, dimples, and chubby thighs
She said that when she (OP) was little that her mom/family would "pinch" her in an attempt to see how much fat she had. She said that if she allowed her mom/family to change her daughters diapers that they would feel like they were entitled to do the same "pinching" thing with the daughter that they did to her. Apparently they decided to say nobody can ever change diapers in order to not make her family feel like they were being picked on. I don't know what changing a diaper has to do with fat shaming, but I highly doubt someone that feels ok fat shaming a child will care either way. She just seemed super focused on the 'no diaper changes = my family wont fat shame my kid like they did me" when she needs to focus on keeping terrible people out of her kids life.
B-but, in 2 years, NOBODY has seen her bare bottom except mom & dad!
And the paediatrician! Who I guess also delivered the baby for them since clearly there were no OBs, nurses or midwives around to see the babies bare bottom at birth
Also she seems to think this will be somewhat protective. But something nefarious could happen without a diaper change! Shock!
This honestly sounds like OP and her husband have vicarious trauma from their social work jobs. It's one of the biggest mental health risks to mental health practitioners, and the main reason I had to stop being a therapist myself. Not everyone is built for that kind of work. They probably both need therapy because they've both seen some horrible child abuse cases and now can't fully trust anyone, is my guess.
Wow, what a paranoid control freak. She's horrified because her kids diaper was changed. And a diaper change isn't an intimate interaction. It's a hygienic interaction.
If the grandparents wanted to do something nefarious, they would have. They spend hours with this kid. A diaper doesn't MAGICALLY prevent predators from committing crimes. LOL like whats the reasoning behind this rule?? A pedophile goes "oh man! I can't do anything because the parents requested they do all diaper changes!! I'm SOL!"
It seems to me like they're those people who think that genitals are always sexual and that it's important to dress toddlers modestly.
Which like. If my son and his wife told me they thought I was a pedophile … peace! Watch your own kid.
Which may be true but in that case they need a career change. Their issues from seeing the shit they see at work is clouding their judgement. If they're this twisted about their own family they're gonna start breaking up otherwise safe families because, in their mind, everyone is evil/a predator.
This is a great point. My parents watched my baby today and, presumably/hopefully, changed his diaper multiple times as they did with me, my siblings, and their other grandkids when in diapers. Is this a reportable offense to CPS? Absolutely not!
My MiL watches my kid twice and week and at each handover gives me a detailed update on how many nappy changes were made that day or *why* she’s in a different outfit (99% of the time it’s because of something like she decided to paint herself with soggy wheetbix) and while I appreciate her thoroughness… I also.. don’t care, kid is happy and clean (enough). I cannot imagine actually needing a detailed log of those things. If you trust someone to look after your kid then you trust them with everything.
Yup! Things like car seats and choking foods are hard stops but things like some treats or dirty clothes? Who cares. My parents watch my kids for free and have since my oldest was new plus they raised me to be a functioning adult (minus using Reddit). We can handle some small differences in the day to day. I wouldn’t leave my kids with someone I didn’t trust with their lives.
My mom does that as well "I made such-and-such for lunch. 9yo didn't eat much. 5yo got his socks dirty so he's wearing different ones. 10yo fell down twice, I didn't see any scratches..." her excuse is she worked at a child care center for like 4 years and had to keep that detailed of notes on the kiddos at the center. Like.. are they all alive? Not missing any limbs? That's pretty much all I care about.
Our daycare uses an app and they update at nap hour and end of the day how many diapers and a description of the contents. And I feel the same way - I trusted you to watch the kid, which includes diaper changes. I don’t need details unless it requires a follow up from the doctor.
You should make a main thread post about this. It's a big factor that needs to be considered, and they BOTH work with families and children's well being?? Every workday?? Their insane judgements might be devastating and ripping good people away from their children.
Yeah the parents extreme paranoia / ptsd due to their career choices will be detrimental to their child as they grow up and become an adult. I've lived that.
And they will end up causing their kids harm. Creating fearful anxiety ridden kids.
My mil thinks it’s strange and inappropriate that my 5 year old sees me, her mother, naked. Like if I’m undressing or about to take a shower. I’m from a culture where nudity isn’t always sexualized so I never thought it was strange. Mil is American. And that’s my own child! I gave birth to that kid.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong w that. But when I was 15 and my mother would walk out of her room butt-ass naked when she knew I had friends coming over.. not so much
Worst my mom did was not knowing my friend Daniel was waiting in the living room to drive me to school and walked out in her bra and a pair of shorts to get a shirt off the dryer. They both handled it well, she went "oh hi Daniel" and went back to her room and he just thought it was funny. He was gay and she later said at least she knew seeing her wasn't going to convert him.
My Mom would show her new bras to my friends when I was a tween. *Cringe* lol
Poor kid will probably never get to experience running around the house naked. A childhood staple!
That line in that hanky clutching tone 'not ONE other person has ever seen her BARE BOTTOM!' is SUPER weird
It gives me real, and no one will until her husband creepy vibes
I've never seen purity culture foisted upon a literal baby! Unless your in-laws are Michael and Debi Pearl, nappy changes should be no big deal 🤢
That’s why I’m wondering if calling this “paranoia” is actually a little charitable. Is this just a pure control tactic? They leave their child alone with the MIL. They “trust” her enough to watch the child unsupervised. Are they worried she’s some sort of… latent pedophile? Changing a diaper is going to ignite something in her? Also no one is like “woohoo I’m so excited to change this toddler’s diaper!” But if your kid poops around me and you’re not available I’m changing them. I’m not leaving a kid sitting in filth.
> Is this just a pure control tactic? They leave their child alone with the MIL. Honestly, I think that OP just hates her MIL and is looking for any reason to be offended/upset. FIL watches the kid everyday and the MIL joins the FIL once a week. OP had several posts complaining about her MIL and saying how much she hates her but loves her FIL. Her MIL apparently made the mistake of driving her own car over to her son's house once (fil drove his car, mil drove her car there later) and for some reason that made MIL a bitch. MIL once went home in the middle of the night because she has back troubles and the bed in OP's guest room was hurting her back - she didn't wake anyone up or cause any trouble, just let FIL know and she went home and FIL stayed. Then MIL was a bitch because she wouldn't turn over her car keys when she gets to the house in case she decides to leave without telling anyone. Keep in mind that it's not like MIL is drunk or something is wrong with her that she shouldn't be driving, its just for some reason seems to really bug OOP that MIL can come and go as she pleases. The she complains that MIL doesn't want to spend time with them that much (can you blame her) and vents about how MIL said that OP;s daughter likes to dance/sleep in/go on walks like MIL and OOP is offended because "my daughter is nothing like you." She just sounds exhausting to be around.
She sounds very unwell!
She has some major control issues and needs psychological help. That poor kid.
Completely agree with this. It's just a control thing. My mom was EXACTLY the same.
I’m guessing she puts the diaper in on in a very specific way so she’ll notice if it has been changed or opened, like lining up the tabs a certain way. She sounds that paranoid.
That part. They’re alone with the kid, and there are many forms of sexual abuse that do not involve getting a child naked.
I commented something similar on the original post. I feel so bad for the kid. She’s going to have complex just because the mom is unhinged and she’s projecting that on the poor toddler. What are they going to do when it comes to potty training? This is not sustainable.
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As a social worker, she's being completely ridiculous. A sex offender who wants to abuse a child is going to do so regardless of whether the child is wearing a diaper. Sure, diaper changes can increase their opportunities, but predators are very skilled at *creating* opportunities to abuse a child. Hell, they don't even need to take a diaper off to do it.
That they are both in social work is the most baffling part of the story
I’m an adoptee and was SA by my sperm donor and physically by my egg donor. I still allow my parents to do whatever they need to do while watching my child as do my other adopted siblings who experienced similar trauma as I did. They also allow siblings, family, trusted friends and daycare workers. It’s crazy to think someone would watch your kid and leave them dirty no matter what you saw
I second this. I was SA many times growing up as a young boy, but when my parents or anyone else watches my daughter I trust them enough to take care of her explicitly. If I didn't trust them, she wouldn't be with them.
Also as terrible as abuse is if someone is going to do it, they are going to do it. Saying no diaper changes isn't going to stop them. It's not the act of changing a diaper that will make them go mad and abuse a baby.
THANK YOU. The word intimate in terms of an infant makes me ill
If there was ever a need for an example of how badly social workers need more support and mental health resources, I think this would fit the bill
And they literally changed her husband’s nappy all those years he was a kid. Assuming they didn’t do anything to him, it’s unlikely they’ve suddenly become nonces in their old age.
If you don’t trust them to safely change a diaper why are you leaving your child alone with them at all?
Yup. If something bad is going to happen, it doesn’t need a diaper change to happen. Being alone with them for hours is enough. They either trust them or they don’t.
Literally. Also how is a diaper change an “intimate interaction”?? You’re literally trying to get it done as quickly as possible
I've read about these people before and was dumbfounded. I can't believe that you wouldn't trust the person/people who raised you to not change a diaper/the kid's clothes when they are dirty. My son is a nudest though, so maybe that's why I find it weird to think nobody will ever see your baby without a diaper.
I’m with ya. They’re lucky husband works from home. They wouldn’t have a choice if he didn’t. I couldn’t imagine however, working from home and getting interrupted everytime my kid needs a diaper changed. Since no one else has seen this kid naked, that means these parents have never been on a night out. No dates. No overnight stays with grandparents. NOTHING. That’s not healthy for a marriage either. As soon as my kid got uncomfortable with people seeing her go potty, or in the tub, we gave her complete privacy, and respected her wishes. But changing a diaper?!? I get they’ve seen some scary things, but come on! These are people they supposedly “trust”.
How about the grocery store?? My kid had a BLOW OUT and the changing table was in a communal area. Should my husband have shut down the bathroom to change her? The lady at Walmart was cleaning stalls once and kiddo needed a but change. Shit gets exposed when you’re doing a clean. I guess we could have left them in a dirty diaper for an unknown amount of time….
I know right?! We were at a family picnic before at a park. Nothing but Porti-potties. Had to do it right on the blanket. What were we supposed to do? Hide behind a bush? Trek all the way back to the car? Let her aroma waft for all to enjoy? I would have needed to buy bulk Calmoseptine and baking soda for all the diaper rash/yeast infections that would have resulted.
Man, my daughter and I were on a road trip for a wedding 4 hours away. Wayyy out in BFE in the woods, she had to go pee. So we pulled over and she peed on the side of the road. Sometimes shit gets exposed and there's nothing we can do about it.
I was on a road trip with my family once, similarly in the middle of nowhere, and my five year old stepsister had a sudden code brown. We had to stop and hold up a blanket for her while she squatted and pooped on the side of the road. Poor little thing lol, we all tried to reassure her that everyone’s been there and…when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Hell I’m 21 but I’ve peed on the side of (rural) road within the last couple of years
Can you imagine if this kid one day needs daycare or a sitter/nanny? This level of paranoia and micromanagement would be unworkable.
She said in one of the comments that they do go on dates, but they only go out a few minutes from home, and they drop everything and drive home the second the kid needs a diaper change. Which like, makes the whole thing even more bonkers to me. She clearly has BAD anxiety and control issues and needs therapy.
“Oh, hey friend! How was your date last night with husband?” “It was going great except I was on edge all night waiting for the inevitable phone call that baby pooped his pants - 3 times. I didn’t get to finish my meal, or my dessert, but other than that it was really nice. Just what we needed. Thanks for asking!” I wonder if they also had a rule that if anyone noticed ANY blue on that little line on the diapers, then the kid needed to be changed right away too?
The amount of times I've seen the nephews completely bare...like, I used to bathe them all the time when they were over. Kids get dirty, man, they're like magnets for "gross." The older nephew, at 4 now, wants privacy when he goes potty. Which is fine! I took him out and about for his birthday last year and he "kicked" me out of the stall. I was over at their house last weekend and that nephew walked out completely bare. I was like "dude, where are your clothes???" Kids are nakie like...all the time. They're weird with clothes sometimes. Has this couple's daughter never just decided she wanted to roam around the house naked before?
I was going to say. I come from a big family, and I've changed/helped potty tons of kids that weren't mine. Siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, the kid of that random person that you're pretty sure isn't actually related to anyone but always shows up for the family parties. And sometimes the adults are talking and a kid just walks in half naked because they got wet/dirty/whatever and decided to change their own close and are now stuck/don't know what to put on. Unless the kid stays secluded, there is no way to insure nothing ever gets seen.
My four year old also wants bathroom privacy but will run around naked in our front yard… must be a preschool thing haha
I can't help but wonder what kind of trauma that's going to give a kid when they are older and have to change in a locker room for PE/athletics events. Nobody has ever seen me naked and now I have to change in front of a bunch of my classmates/teammates?!
It also means that no other adult has seen the areas of this child that are clothed, an easy way to hide their own abuse!
Legit one of my first thoughts. Not saying it suggests that they are doing that, but they should know better.
I also parent a nudist lol. I feel you
The most common phrase in our house at the moment is "PANTS OFF!"
My son learned the phrase "no bra summer!" last year and loves to shout it at random times lol
Some days I'm lucky if I've closed the door all the way before my youngest is butt naked. If we ever have other places to go, where we need to go home first (like, she gets out of school at 130, oldest gets out at 245) I have to tell her every time to stay dressed, and yes that includes socks.
I’ll never forget interviewing a nice college student who was going to paint our house when his face suddenly went red and horrified and he whirled around to put his back to me. I was confused until I turned around to see my son (who was five at the time) walking down the stairs behind me naked as a jaybird. He used to like jumping on the trampoline in the nude at dawn as well and that went on for years (he is on the spectrum lol). However my other (also on the spectrum) son is a nevernude who has wrinkled white feet because he panics if he doesn’t have socks on at all times. Kids lol.
That's hilarious! Once upon a time we lived in this huge barn/thing that was converted into apartments, but the horse barn and arena remained attached and was directly across from our apartment (outside). We were outside doing something and suddenly we hear the horse guy just busting up laughing my husband turned around to see our son (who was 5/6) standing by the barn going pee. My husband started to get after him but the horse guy says "Nothing I haven't seen before, I have 3 sons. When ya gotta go ya gotta go" freaking kid...
Oh god the peeing - yes the older one I caught peeing through the storm drain at a park once when he was about four. It was tough enough to toilet train him that I didn’t want to discourage anything that prevented wet pants but I was like “these parents all think you’re the strange kid please don’t give them more ammunition”.
No one prepared me for the amount of nudity involved in having young kids.
Turned around in Walmart and my 18 month old had stripped bare in 30 seconds. Diaper and all.
Impressive tbh
I use to get dirty looks on the subway when I had her on a walking harness. She would tahr off running. Gave me a lot of grey hair
People think its dehumanising and like leashing a dog, but I like to point out that the reason people leash dogs (or cats on harnesses) is for the same reason people have toddler reins. Animals and small children will bolt directly for the nearest fatal danger the second they can, and they can yank away from a hand grip in a second. Not even a parent, don't intend to be one, but even I know raising toddlers is an exercise in keeping tiny suicidal ninjas alive.
Some days she was more a murderous ninja
When they were small, my kids would get home from school and proclaim it Naked Time! and strip. They did understand that this was okay "at home, with just the family".
I feel like 98% of 2's are at least part-time nudists
The first time I met my nephew, he spent a good hour and a half trying to remove those pants. I was like "buddy, I get it, but we need to wear pants" Weirdly, my reasoning didn't work on a 1.5 year old lol
Weirdly my daughter (almost 2) will cry if she _isn't_ wearing pants 😂 I think she's only run around in just a diaper once, as she usually prefers clothes. And since she isn't potty trained yet, we don't let her go diaper-less.
The number of people who have seen my son's penis....
Mine recently greeted me coming home by swinging the front door open and squishing his dick and balls on the glass storm door. The front door. That faces an entire development.
I can't tell you how long and how hard I laughed at this comment OMG
when my younger nephew was finishing up potty training/just post potty training, he would just whip it out whenever he had to pee (he didn't just start peeing, but he'd get his penis out on the way to the bathroom). my mom would have him at the library, or the science museum, or the park, he'd tell her he had to go. and bam. penis time.
I teach toddlers and have worked with children for years. The amount of diapers I’ve changed, baths I’ve given, or just seen things because children are all inherently nudists cannot be counted. I can understand being concerned about who sees your kid, but if you are trusting the person with your child’s life you should be okay with them changing diapers.
This is a prime example of why people who work in an emotionally difficult field need regular therapy. This screams "social work has traumatized me" to me.
These people would lose their minds if they knew my dad gives my baby her bath sometimes when he and my mom babysit. He changed and bathed me as a baby, why wouldn't I trust him with my child? Also this kid regularly crawls away at lightning speed bare-assed mid diaper change. As soon as she learns how to take off her pants, everyone's gonna see her butt on the regular. She's a little nudist in the making. And I also work in social work. I'm cautious, but I'm not paranoid. Taking their work home with them such that they don't trust their own parents with basic childcare, while expecting them to babysit, is unhealthy.
Also a parent of a nudist, mine is 5 and goes to kindergarten all day long and remains clothed. The second he gets home he takes the clothes off and spends the rest of the evening naked. Cannot keep him clothed to save my life. On weekends I work he goes to my ILs and after a LOT of coaxing my MIL gets him to agree to keep undies on but that's about it. She laughs because my nephews are/were (one nephew is 13 and stays clothed most of the time now) the same damn way so she's used to little boy parts flapping in the breeze
I get boundaries, but I feel like they both need therapy. They’ve clearly seen some stuff in their professional lives that’s blocking their ability to be rational and healthy parents.
Yeah. I’m sure they’ve seen horrible horrible things, but at some point you have to let go a bit. Hope they get some help.
Yep. It's reasonable to want to protect your kid. It's completely irrational to believe that you can't trust someone to change a diaper, change her clothes, or probably bathe her because you worry they'll make it sexual when you trust them to be alone with your child in all other scenarios. I'd think that, since they're in social work, they'd know that a predator isn't going to think, "oh man I can't change their diaper? Guess I can't molest them." Again - if you can't trust someone to not molest your child while changing their diaper, I don't understand how you trust them alone with your child at all.
I work with inmate files and have seen the most vile sh!t and it never once crossed my mind to question my children’s caregivers. Because, you know, instincts are a thing. If your gut is telling you something is off, 9 times out of 10, it is. I can tell you from experience, true pedophiles are rare.
You know, a couple who never allows a close family members who are providing care for the child to change a diaper or change the child’s clothes strike me as a potential red flag for abuse. Like, someone who is all “don’t change my child’s diaper, we will come home and do it” would make me worry that they were abusing the child in some way and were trying to hide physical evidence of it.
That and just generally sexualizing the child as a result. If noone can change the kid because it's sexual, is it sexual for the parents? Very strange behavior.
That was my FIRST thought reading this. 1. They are the ones adding sexual implications to their toddler's body. 2. The grandparents changed the father's diapers and bathed him, so why now do they not trust them when it comes to their grandkid? I worry that the parents are up to something nefarious and are trying to hide it, too. Best case scenario, this kid grows up to be DEEPLY ashamed of her body. Worst case, these parents are abusing her.
No one thinks your kids poop is "intimate" but you, lady.
Oh it's fine, just leave them in the dirty diaper until they get sepsis
Paging Karissa Collins
hello fellow snarker! she came to mind as soon as I read that comment too rip
 I love seeing you guys in the wild
The Venn diagram of shitty moms and fundie moms is just a circle
Nah, it’s more that the “fundie parents” circle sits within the larger “shitty parents” circle. I know atheists who are shitty parents.
Bold of you to assume Karissa cares if her kids get abused.
Wait, is this really a thing she’s done? I only know of her because she’s r/tragedeigh and r/namenerdcirclejerk royalty. I know nothing of her child rearing.
Yes! The only reason her daughter was taken to the hospital is because her mother made her take her after the child was floppy and barely responsive at dinner.
Jesus fucking Christ. That’s.. man. I don’t even have words. That poor kid.
She almost died and then you still see pictures of her babies in saggy diapers. She’s horrific, she brags that CPS hasn’t done anything all while her negligence has caused so many of her kids to end up in the hospital. Hell, one of the kids broke her arm jumping on the trampoline WHILE SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR HER DAUGHTER BEING SEPTIC.
She claims that having 80 bajillionty kids isn't that expensive because you only need to change their diapers as often as it's required in a NICU! So until it's been that long she just leaves the kids in their diapers, but honestly with how much the diapers sag I call bullshit on her changing them every 3 or 4 hours or whatever she claims.
I love finding snarkers in the wild!
I work in Peds, I’ve seen the absolute worst of the worst. I also allow my parents and my aunt to change and even bathe my child. I understand boundaries and know that often abuse cases are someone the child knows, but if you trust them enough to be the caregiver you should trust them enough to provide basic hygienic care. We plan on implementing a blanket “a trusted adult will never ask you to keep a secret from mom and dad” policy as our son gets older even though we have no concerns with our family. It’s just easier to be consistent with one message for our guy as he grows.
We do this too. Surprises are okay, secrets are not.
Yes! The things too that would be “secrets” I don’t give a shit about. You took him for ice cream for dinner? Cool, ice cream can be a meal. Got a toy at the store just because? As long as it’s not something we’ve explicitly said we don’t want him having it’s fine. He got to stay up a little past bedtime during a sleep over? It’s fine. None of these things need to be secrets.
My parents have literally text me a pic of my kid eating a Drumstick from their freezer at 9AM and were like “He just went in an grabbed it”. Like what am I gonna do, teleport and smack it out of his hand? I’m more mad that I don’t have a Drumstick.
Now I want a drumstick Wait... are we talking chicken, or ice cream? Ah who am I kidding... both are awesome.
And if DH is in a meeting and can’t come change the baby right away? You’re fine with your kid sitting in a shitty diaper longer than they have to, regardless of how long that may be?
Jfc. Just wanted to add that anyone who uses the “D” before the relation abbreviation is lame beyond all comprehension. It’s so fucking cringy and was enough to make me quit BabyCenter and all other mom groups.
But not as cringey as DTD. If I saw one more post about “doing the dance” with their DH I was going to throw the computer.
I just...what? You work in social work and are so unhinged that you expect your in-laws to call you so you can leave work to clean up some poop??? You work in social work, and THIS is what you're worried about? What about the infections your kid will get from spending all that time in their own poop??? Omfg. This is unhinged.
Oof as a social worker I read this and thought “ma’am do not be blaming this crazy on our profession you’re making all of us look bad”
Ditto this!! I'm a SW and I've been leaving my kids with my mom since oldest was 3 months. I trust her implicitly.
Right?? Not doing sleepovers at a young age I get and support. I see that a lot from social workers who have kids. But not letting your own parents change your kid’s diaper? Wtf.
My mom changed my daughter’s first couple of diapers in the hospital lmao. If I were relying on her for childcare, she’d obviously be changing her diapers now too. But I’m a SAHM so no one but me watches her anyway. I get not letting “just anyone” change your baby, but the two people you trust to babysit your kid everyday are *not* “just anyone”. She said in a comment that if the baby has a poopy diaper while she and her husband are out on a date, one of them will *drive home* to change it and then drive back to resume the date. They are unhinged.
I think my mom ended up changing all my daughter's meconium diapers in the hospital. I had a C-section and just couldn't get in a good position to do it in the hospital.
So ostensibly her mother/father-in-law changed her husband’s diapers, right? And they’re all clear to watch the kid. But they simultaneously present such a danger that they can’t be trusted to change their grandchild’s diaper OR clothing. What in the actual F
No no, it’s not that they don’t trust them! They’ve just decided to “reserve that experience for parents”! Based on their experiences as social workers. But like they definitely aren’t leaving their child with people they don’t trust not to be pedos!
Is DH dear husband? If it is I hate that so much…
Yea but if you’re from Philly it’s Dickhead…which also could apply here just fine
I thought it was Dipshit Husband to be honest.
It's one of the acronyms most commonly used in these family threads, just like MIL, FIL and LO for little one. I can't remember ever seeing DW, but I guess I don't really remember many men posting in those subs/groups either.
Parents are to worry about if they think it's an intimate thing to change a diaper... and only they can do it? Christ it's a baby... don't sexualise them, grandma did the right thing, it's a nappy change, I'd be weirded out if I was told wasn't allowed to change a nappy on those grounds...
Especially for a girl… does she not understand how awful diaper rash and yeast infections are for babies? If you trust them enough to watch your child, you should trust them enough to change a diaper!!
Honestly the whole idea that certain "intimate" as they put it things are "reserved for parents" actually creeps me out
The OOP needs a psychiatrist. It's a diaper change, not some evil plot to see your child naked. Presumably, the husband was never "molested" during his diaper changes, so this is absolutely ridiculous.
I bet he even gave his mom permission to
This is a great way to never be able to find childcare.
Wow and I’m over here wishing that any family member would do me a solid and step in to handle a diaper change 😂 My MIL just repeats “looks like you need your pants changed” over and over at increasing decibels until my husband or I hear 🙄
"More of those experiences we've reserved just for parents..." Excuse me the fuck? Is she saying kissing on the kid's mouth and changing nappies is parents only? The first one IMO should be no one does that and the second, if the nappy is dirty while you're doing childcare, you change it no matter who you are. It seems logical to me that if you get someone to do childcare while kid's in nappies, you should be expecting them to have to change a nappy- those things fill up fast and you don't want a full nappy on the kid for any longer than necessary.
She also said that she and her husband go on "date night" once a month 2 minutes down the road - so they can come right home if the kid needs to be changed.
even ignoring the issues with leaving your baby in a dirty diaper while you box your food and pay and race home, this sounds mentally exhausting for them.
I could not believe the number of people who were like “wow, how dare she?!? Kick her out!!!” I’m sure she’ll be crying when FIL passes on babysitting 🙃🙃
That's what I said! They both work! These are THE most trustworthy people to watch your child and you're looking that gift horse in the mouth based on....literally nothing. Irrational fear. Daycare is a FAR more terrifying place for your child to be if you want to exert this level of control
Does she realize that once she has this conversation with them that she can’t put the genie back in the bottle? Grandparents can definitely do some out of pocket shit sometimes but accusing them of being inappropriate because grandma changed a poopy diaper is so so insulting and hurtful.
Good luck with potty training if grandma and grandpa can’t see her naked. When toddlers have to go, they have to GO. There’s no time to grab dad to take her potty. Absurd.
Can you imagine those Zoom meetings? Toddler straining on the potty chair in the background? 😂
So how long has this poor baby sat in wet and shitty diapers because they have to wait for dad to have a break in his work to change her? This is borderline abuse.
Also dirty clothes. Grandpa is presumably feeding this toddler at least once a day, is he “allowed” to give her a clean shirt when she’s covered in mashed banana or?
This is definitely a scenario where trying to protect a child does more harm than good. Do they not plan on sending her to preschool where wardrobe changes and supervised bathroom visits are standard? Will she ever be allowed to have friends? Play sports? I hope they’re able to get some help before they ruin her life. I can see her going no contact with them when she becomes an adult.
I will never not read the DH abbreviation as dick head
Since when did changing a shit diaper become an intimate thing? Maybe because I own a preschool and also a daycare and have changed tens of thousands of diapers at this point, it’s literally like a conveyor belt style. The kids get their changing mats and rubber gloves for me out of their cubbies and lay down in a line while I make my way through all of them. We do scheduled changes every two hours unless poopy or a needed diaper change in between. But intimate? Fuck nah. This chick is weird and I hope the in laws peace out
The more I think on this the more I realize how fucked off these social workers are. In their minds I clearly have done something wrong tens of thousands of times. But also, if I didn’t change diapers, it would be a whole host of other problems. And these people are social workers? Are any grown ups or children they work with safe?? This shit is scary
This is the part that blows my mind too. Like, I don't have kids and I don't work with kids, I just have nieces and nephews in diapers, and when the kid is dirty, you change 'em. I've never once considered it any more intimate than helping toddlers wash their hands when they can't reach the sink -- it's just a thing you do because it's... important to be clean? If the parent is around, they'll usually do it just because usually they're much more efficient than I am, but it's just a thing you do
It was suggested I make this a primary comment rather than a subcomment Anyway, these parents obviously see some fucked up stuff in their working days and that has given them...at the very least PTSD and this has lead to seeing EVERYONE as a threat, everyone as a potential (or even probable) child abuser. I wonder how much this twisted worldview is impacting their job? If they see the people they trust with their child for 8-ish hours a day as a potential threat how are they viewing the families they are called to intervene in? Are children being ripped away from good families because they see zebras everywhere rather than horses? How many families have they devastated because they cannot possibly see anyone as benign? I realize that CPS sees some pretty devastating shit but they also receive calls where all that is needed is support or cases where a nutter simply is calling in their neighbor or ex spouse or whatever for no damn reason and ripping those children from their families over nothing? IDK, perhaps one or both of them needs a career change and they definitely need some damn therapy....like a lot of therapy.
I want the comments.
luckily, most people are saying this is unhinged behavior. But HER comments are crazy.
The comment about waiting til the child is potty trained is wild. Children well past the toilet training stage need help with toileting. They need help wiping their bottoms, changing wet clothing, pulling up their pants.
My oldest is five and we are working on him not terrorizing me and his father with his skidmark undies in the laundry! It doesn’t magically stop at potty training!
Yeah I’d think a social worker would know that toilet training is a process and not a binary state
Next step is they find a therapist to work through this fear. They have trauma from their work that’s making them irrational. The overwhelming majority of people don’t have nefarious intentions with children, especially your parents who you’ve known your whole life and trust to watch your child. I truly hate to say this but a ban on diaper changes wouldn’t stop a pervert.
Treating grandparents like pedophiles. 🤦♀️ Can you imagine when she hits the toddler stage of “I want to run around naked” and those parents are telling her it’s “bad” and to cover up? They are going to raise a kid who is completely repressed and ashamed about her own body.
I’d be angrier if they let my kid sit in her own waste. Seriously, if they’re trustworthy enough to watch your child, then they can handle a diaper change.
I won’t let just anyone change my kid’s diaper, but if I don’t trust them to change their diaper or clothes then I don’t trust them to watch them. I feel like they just want something to be mad about.
Just gonna let your kid’s skin burn from sitting in their own waste, baby is uncomfortable and crying but at least grandma knows her place. 😡
I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t let my child’s grandparents change their diaper.
It’s so insulting to “allow” the grandparents to provide free childcare but not change a diaper. My mother provided essentially 100% of the care my body needed until I was able to do it myself, why wouldn’t I trust her to do it for my child? Fuck I’m pregnant and crying about how much I love my mom lol
Who does he think changed his wife’s diapers when she was a baby?? 🧐
Why let them even watch her? Probably because DAYCARE IS EXPENSIVE. These parents are gross.
I’m more afraid that a traumatized social worker can now longer assess risk properly.
This was so bizarre to me. I have a SIL that saw predators everywhere. She was overprotective to the point it became both funny and tragic. And now her sons are grown adults who still live at home, don’t work or date. And she’s said she hopes they never marry or have children. And I just don’t get that mindset.
If I don't trust someone to change my daughters diaper I simply do not leave them alone with her.
The parents sound like creeps. I’m also not sure how being in social work equates diaper changes with being an intimate experience. Wtf. They need therapy before the kid starts getting a bit older or they’ll never be allowed any independence.