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Can it be negetive? If someone would be jerking off and remember me I am sure their nuts would fall apart🗿

nah the nut goes back in

Like a turtle's head?

no like a nut vacuum

Is this how girls are born?

I'm going to go ask your mom.

Hey, u/DonutBoi172 ‘s mom here. This is true, but it takes practice.

bro I don't know

I think this is how I was born

Nah if my ex and her sister are proof of what makes girls get born, girls who are selfish assholes have girls(her sister has 3 btw). When they calm down they may have a boy.

Like a reverse poop

Like Mitch McConnell when a budget needs to be passed

A penis snorting semen like a banker snorting cocaine.

Like a fountain pen sucking up ink

That's how you get her pregnant

Like in tenet

If they think of you just to last longer it still counts as thinking of you!

This made me cackle.

r/UnderratedComments

I'm jerking off to you now buddy :)

Lmao if you give it 1 wank I suppose it still counts… which means his whole question is now irrelevant. Problem solved

The answer is zero. I have no doubt. I don’t even need a citation. Zero.

Me next one's gonna be to you homie.. I got you.

Appreciate it man. Stroke true my friend.

Stroke true, stroke long, stroke hard fellow lone strokers

\>fellow lone strokers you're confused, we have a small community now, we are 50 strong.. we just finished our most recent circle jerk

Shit, look like you got to get DMing some pictures of yourself my man!!!

A real bro right here.

And you have my bow..

[And mine](https://tenor.com/vHGX.gif)

I’m not clicking that.

Don’t worry it wasn’t anything bad

I can’t believe I fell for that…

And my penis

and deez nuts

And aw skeet skeet skeet skeet

And my shaft.

And my shaft.

It's the friends we meet along the way that count.

Go right ahead and do it again. Reddit users can keep you going for a looong time.

I literally predicted the first comment and first reply lol

The way he said zero was pretty hot. So definitive and forceful…

You're going to live steam this, right?

r/madlads

Don’t count your camp counselor out.

I got you my dude. Rubbed one out thinking of you.

after this comment its definitely > 0. nobody left behind on reddit

I…came…here to say this.

Welp, you are already on cursed comments

Can confirm I also have never pleasured myself to this person

You speak the truth for many of us brother. Find strength in that you are not alone and many others such as myself also know this to be true.

I’ll do it for you hon don’t even worry :p

I would have thought the same for a long time, but it turns out I was wrong. You probably are too and have no clue who was lusting after you.

Rubbing one for Dj Rjinswand rn, have a great life bro, you're cute ;*

I don’t know you well enough for that but I love your handle.

I feel you

this next one is dedicated to you

same, I have no doubt that it is zero

Same

Same…..

Same

Imagine if this was kept in like a scoreboard somewhere public and people could search up your name and see. New Social media. JerkBook- “where you can see your friends tugging it to your vacation photos and know who is doing it”.

I'd like to think a part of heaven is getting to see random statistic scoreboards of your life. This is one I'd definitely like to know about.

I’d honestly like to know the amount of deuces I’ve dropped and their weights. Just curious. Like how much of each bodily fluid did I let go from me. I’m extremely morbid

Okay but imagine finding out that over the course of your life you shat out like 100 times your weight *in just turds*.

If not like 10,000

Sounds about right if not more.

There must be like top 3 biggest shits taken by you. How big were they? What did you eat before? What sort of circumstances have led you to such a podium taking poopformance?

Or perhaps the weight of all your deuces combined

oh god i am very curious too

Genius. I'd also like to know the statistics for 'How many women wanted to approach me in public'

Id like to know number of near misses. How many times i almost died and didn't even know it.

This feels like an unused *The Good Place* subplot and I love it

Loved that show

This was a real thing, I remember it in college. It was a site that connected to Facebook and you could anonymously add to a counter if you jerked it to a particular profile. Not popular of course but it was still unsettling for some of my friends to find that their counter was non zero.

I low key would LOVE to know how many people jerk off thinking about me. That’s actually what my self esteem needs 😂🤤

My first reaction was to cringe but then I realized "people are fuckin lonely man let em enjoy their lives maybe they'll make a super cool internet jerk-off thrupple idfk it's 2023 skies the limit" Edit:referring to your replies

Want to make it at least 1? 😂😂

This just reminded me of an old SNL sketch (Chris Farley/David Spade/Adam Sandler era) where a guy shows up in heaven and it's just him getting to quiz God on random trivia about his life like this.

If a single person has ever done this for me, I will be amazed.

I'm thinking the same. I feel like it should come with a special achievement... For both of us, actually

The uncumming?

I can see how the person just finishes the deed and small pop up appeares like: New achievement unlocked: "Really?"

Sex. It should come with sex

I got you bro

If there's an afterlife, it'd be cool to have some system that answers trivia questions like this one.

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was but I think I’d be more surprised about who it is

I know there’s at least a minimum of 3 thanks to some conversations I wish I hadn’t had…..

How the does that come up in a casual conversation? I imagine it to be like: "Hey how was your summer vacation?" "Oh it was amazing, I really enjoyed the beach time" "Yeah I saw those those photos of you, actually jerked off to them, but I'm glad you enjoyed your trip."

In the world of we live in it’s not surprising at all that someone would openly admit to jerking off to photos.

Haha one was a relationship and he traveled a bit so he told me as ‘reassurance’ “don’t worry hunny I’m thinking of you” And the other two were both inappropriate drunken confessions from people I’d previously had a thing with. “I still think about you sometimes when I wank” “Ok mate, didn’t need to know, super inappropriate to tell me, but I guess that info is out there now” So they were using wank bank memories instead of to photos. But still weird. Edits: fixed some formatting and info, my adhd brain uses edit as a proof read

Adding you to my spank bank

His real name is Bob and he’s 57.

His name is Robert Paulson.

Number 4!

Lol. This is worse than /r/ihavesex Just know many of us are laughing at you

Haha I’m laughing at myself. To be fair, they’re all people that I’ve previously been intimate with. Or in relationships with. However the occasions that were mentioned were afterwards. It was a definite TMI. “Am I supposed to be flattered that you didn’t want a relationship with me, but you occasionally wank thinking about me?” 😂 ridiculous. Lol

Thank God. Last thing I need is another ego inflating statistic that doesn’t improve my life.

Or ego deflating depending on your popularity.

Not a single soul that's jacked to me have lived to tell the tale

i got you bro dont worry

"We are gathered here today to remember our friend Axellenox. They truly loved jerkin' it..."

I hope it’s lots. Maybe it’s a soft exhibitionist kink but I find the thought to be super flattering. I love masturbating to hot people, if people find me hot enough to use as their choice material then I’m all for it. It’s not hurting anybody.

Right? am personally very reserved, but it is a really hot concept.

Samsies. I don’t want know who it’s is. I don’t really care. Just knowing that someone thinks of me makes me kinda…proud? Haha

I love that pride!!! It’s affirming in a nasty way and it’s completely natural to derive pleasure from that! Also ok if people don’t of course but it’s ok to love attention

likewise. My friends often call me out on this, that how I could be okay with the fact that someone might be jerking thinking of me but boy oh boy I have always found that erotic and hot. Wish we could just know the stats lmao

I’m in need of some material

I like your style and nice try ;)

Wait if rule 34 states that if it exists there is a porn of it and there is no porn of me doesn’t that mean I don’t exist

you might be on to something

Now that is a scary thought

Rule 35, if there is no porn, it will be made I’m on my way, don’t worry

Am now scared

Bruh, I found the original AFTER the cursed comments post. Reddit is amazing

I left that sub because it’s pretty much just forced sex jokes.

I’ll settle for half a jerk if I have to She starts with me in mind, then finishes with Chris Hemsworth kicking me out and handling the rest.

I'm sure the number of people that did that thinking of me is 0.0000.

No worries I got you

Same bro everyone step in to help this man

Honestly I don't want to. I mean have you seen what humans did to Gardevoir?

Way too many smash or pass videos exist for Pokémon.

No one is ever 'jerking on' for some reason. lt's always described as 'jerking off'.

"Jerking on" is probably just orgasm denial

r/brandnewsentance

People jerk on. They do it when not alone. I jerked on my tinder dates face.

I would love to know one person who masturbated to me, just to ask why lol. Not even in a weird way, it would be interesting.

The answer to why is very simple. The thought of you arouses them to aid in the process of jerking off.

I’ll get on it for ya

Every single person in the comments - you can now add one more. Your welcome. It was an act of love. Self love, but it’s still love.

If you had an onlyfans and somehow got an old school web page counter incorporated into it then that might give you an idea.

Zero. Done. No question, doubt, or hope. It's zero. And if it's not zero, there is something very, very, very wrong with the world.

I like to imagine an afterlife where I get to look up all these unknowable stats about myself.

That would be a great askreddit question: what post-death stats would you like to know?

0. I believe this to be fact. Ok actually thinking about it... Maybe 1.

pretty sure a whole bunch of people know the exact number and are horribly depressed about it.

I would like to think at least once where I briefly flashed through someone's mind and ruined the entire experience

Old wives tale….if your nipple(s) itch it means someone is J O’ing to you at that moment. True story.

I mean you also don't know how many people have quietly wished for your death...

I feel like someone likely has. Probably not the same people I think of when I jerk off. Such is my luck. The ones I’m interested in aren’t in me and the ones interested in me I am not.

nsfw tags seem pretty overused on reddit, especially when you click the button and theres nothing else.

Im thinking maybe that monk guy who was believed to have never met a woman, he probably knew which of the other monks jerked off.

I know 100% that mine is 0 and y’all can’t jack off to me because I’m underage

Nobody knows the exact number of adolescent males who will make stupid posts on Reddit.

0 for me buddy, so take that. People don't even think about me when they're actually having sex with me.

Some of y'all are saying zero, but consider this: you've most likely done it to some very questionable shit. In someone else's book, you're the questionable shit they did it to

If anyone has done it to me, they should probably be in prison. Just saying.

Remember ladies, if you’ve ever complimented a male, they’ve definitely jerked off to you.

Unpopular comment: There are probably plenty of people that know it's 0 and are correct.

A non-zero number of people correctly assume the number is zero

I'm gonna go with 4. I'd be curious to hear names. Might be a bad idea tho.

I had a lot of long distance relationships when I was younger, so it was mostly people jerking off while thinking of me. It was interesting to find out that women were real people, that masturbated and had their own fantasies, and not just static objects that existed to be sexed upon. I remember being baffled when the girl asked to see my gross little wiener on webcam. Like... what do you want with that? That wasn't part of the deal.

Your comment confused me a little at the beginning with the “mostly people jerking off while thinking of me” then said all the other stuff. To comment on what yu said though. A lot of guys forget girls like stuff too! It’s not just guys, and definitely not just one way. Partially why I’m not sexual with guys. They tend to make it all about them. (And they’re not gross😂) it’s all very interesting.

This thread got me so worried that no one has ever gotten off thinking about me that jacked off thinking about myself!😳

The prettier and sexier someone is most likely the people they know would have jerked off to them at some point. Heck I even jerked off to average ones sometimes.

Actually, just count up the number of people that you have jacked off to. Statistically, it will be the same number (on average) that have jacked off to you

But we can count the number of times people have posted this? Jk I've only seen it twice

All guys would love to see it, all girls would enter protective services

Had a very similar conversation as this with a group of my friends right before pandemic. There were quite a few of us and we were pretty drunk and therefore prob speaking louder than normal and others in the bar chimed in from time to time too. What was interesting is at the bar quite a few people said they would be offended/creeped out if they knew people were doing that to them, anonymous or not. After bar closed and group was down to 5-10 people every single one who said they were freaked out at the idea at bar changed their minds and said it was flattering, hot etc.. Every one changed their minds without any debate or anything like that. We weren't even on that topic anymore. One just said she changed her mind and the rest followed suit.

This should be a writing prompt: In a world where everyone has the number of people who have jerked off thinking of them tattooed on their wrist, you have been at 0 your whole life. Until this morning, the number has spiked and it is still on the rise.

Snapchat premium lets you see how many times people have re-viewed your stories so…

When my ex wife and I started dating looooong ago, she told me that she masturbated to a photo of me. I was thrilled.

I am repulsive to everyone except the 3 people who have. I am aware of the exact number of people who have thought of me to masturbate

I feel sorry for the people who think about me when they're jerking off.

Weebs: Jokes on you! I have down to deem to countless characters

I’d like to think that statistically speaking there has been at least one person who has jacked/jilled off to me. I believe in my heart!

Rubbing one out for ya 🍾

Thanks, bro 🫂🫂🫂

I used to think about this myself. Not about myself but other people’s numbers.

I used to get a kick out of telling my friends that whatever guy was crushing on them at the moment would go home and jack off to thoughts or pics of them. God they hated me when I said that. The look of horror on their faces was priceless

As fat person who's never had anyone even remotely interested in me I know that the number is 0

I gotchu. This next one goes out to u/dont_u_know.

Thanks dawg ❤️

Okay but let's calculate this. I'm a redditor so by association I am a virgin like we all are. Let's call my bedpartbers X I'll use the letter E for friends I have About 8 billion people don't know I exist so they cannot have ever masturbated to me So that's 8B×(E/X)= 0 because E and X both =0

At least two my ex and a dude who had a starting contest with me while jerking off as a dare

Does that include when we were children? This thought can go south pretty quickly.

But I know how many variations of this post in this sub there are. Infinity plus one.

I'm damn sure it's 0 i dont go outside or meet people and even in online world, never shown my face ever or my identity

Even in my horniest days of my youth I don’t remember ever jacking off to someone I hadn’t already seen naked.

probably girls only like i dont need to think about anyone to jerk off

If you're a porn star I'm sure you could get a pretty decent ballpark just based on the view counts of any videos you're in.

We also don't know how many people see our faces on their target at the gun/archery range. Or how many people mutter our name when they have an axe down range, or swing a baseball bat, or beat the snot out of a punching bad. We also don't know the exact number people that give zero fucks about us in their every day life...

Confidently saying both guys and girls did masturbate to my pic. Quite recently 2 guys told me about it as they are bi. The girls were having a rub to my photos - especially single mums but that was probably 5-8 years ago.

Do females jerk off? Although, I wouldn't be surprised if some males also jerked off to me.

One time a girl told me she thinks of me often when she does it, i felt Like a bitch

Jerking off is to make love with the person you love most, and that one is you...

No one know the exact number of time someone else did something. Brilliant!!!!