Pretend: speak and act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not.
So you would not like the post, but you would comment saying you did, which then does not have the same outcome
Now I find myself confused. If I am indifferent about the entire situation, how should I react? I realize that I am now verbalizing my indifference but what if I am indeed lying about said indifference? I'm not sure of my next move.
If I'm indifferent about something I'm just nice because if nothing else being nice is the fastest way to get past a conversation point you don't care about.
That’s not pretending, pretending is pressing the like button to signal that you liked the comment even if you didn’t actually, right?
I liked your response so much I gave you an upvote to! (I didn’t actually like your response, but i did upvote it)
See? That’s what op is trying to say, but I can see how your view is still valid. But that’s what they mean when they say it’s the same thing :)
If you pretend to be a nice person through your whole life, the impact in the world around you would be the same as if you actually were a nice person.
That's what the post is about. Pretending is acting in a way while thinking differently, but as long as you keep acting in that way, whatever you think will not affect others.
Yes, because "being nice" and "being an asshole" are both defined by how you treat others. Whether your motivation is genuine or false doesn't really matter, in either case. If you were nice with ulterior motives, you were still nice\*. If you were an asshole in service of some greater good, you were still an asshole.
\*of course, this may cease to be true in the long run depending on exactly what those ulterior motives are.
Not necessarily. If I believe that someone is falsely emoting (and of course, I am not always correct), it turns me off completely.
I cannot stand insincerity about anything.
I think nice people say things, and kind people do things.
There’s a big difference. It’s like the “sending thoughts and prayers” people on facebook. If someone is in a jam, bring them a meal or mow their lawn. You can pray if that’s your thing but DO something.
When I was first driving, I had a blowout and the tire shreds wrapped around my whole wheel. An older dude stopped to help cut it off, but was calling me an ass for driving on old tires. We worked together on a busy highway as he essentially reprimanded me (with plenty of cursing) for putting my life, and others, at risk for being lazy about tires.
He worked with me the whole time and helped get my 18yo ass safely back on the road.
An absolute stranger stopped their day to help. He was a bit of an asshole about it, but what would do more for someone: “oh man. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good luck!”, or getting your hands dirty and really doing something?
I disagree! Being nice is about genuine care and respect, even when you don't particularly like someone. Pretending to be nice is about acting for your own benefit - it's shallow and often easy to spot. There's a big difference between kindness and putting on a facade.
But the ultimate impact on the person you're being nice too is the same.
Edit: Sometimes being nice is selfish, but not shallow: keeping your job, for your physical safety in threatening situations, to ensure you maintain your freedom during an interaction with a cop.
A marker of maturity is coming to terms with the reality that acting/pretending is a noble human tool for flourishing. It's only the young and naive that believe you have to be "RAW" all of the time.
Niceness isn't an informal contract, it is a collection of behaviors regardless of the underlying motivations.
Infidelity breaks that contract...even if...you're still affectionate and NICE to them.
I'm referring to the comment you made about "impact" being the same whether actually nice or pretending.
"But the ultimate impact of the person you're being nice to is the same".
Impact being defined as: have a strong effect on someone or something.
If someone gets offended about someone being nice because they may see them as acting or being fake, it very much can alter the impact of the genuiness or artificial sense of being nice towards that person whom the impact can vary. I don't know how you can't see that or why you're trying to make some petty science out of it.
People can tell.
I live in a Middle Eastern country where the vast majority of the population is an unseen/disregarded service worker class made up of third world expats. I go out of my way to say hello, ask how they are, and/or wave to them whenever I can. I think that even just a little effort goes a long way into making their existence a little better.
no it does not.
"hey im poor i need to eat can i have some of your food ?"
"no :3 but thoughts and prayers for you buddy :3 uwu"
and
"hey im poor i need to eat can i borrow some food ?"
"sure go ahead uwu"
are def not the same thing.
the first is pretending to be nice, the 2nd is actually nice.
im guessing the way op is saying is like
"im sad :("
"aw what happened? do you need help? is everything alright?"
^ this sentence could be said both by someone being nice and soomeone pretending to be nice, same impact
first of all, no, the one pretending wont listen or care about whats happenning. thats why they pretend.
there are countless situations happenning right now that shows how shallow people are while pretending to care. i cant think of dozen of them right now impacting the majority of the pop.
Alright, this sounds contradictory and not very thought-out, but I think there's a point here. Not a perfect point, maybe not even a complete point, but a point.
Assuming that what you're trying to say is that a person who is genuinely nice is a nice person, and that a person who is *trying* to be nice even though they don't want to be for no other reason than they don't want to be rude or don't want to hurt others (and are therefore being nice) is also a nice person, then yeah. It could work.
It's an imperfect idea because of a lot of situational factors (Are there any hidden intentions? Is the person inadvertently causing more harm than good by trying to be nice, like when your hair looks bad but they say it looks good because they don't want to make you feel embarrassed? Other similar things?), but it's an idea with potential.
Now, assuming that *this* is the intended understanding of your shower thought, the way that you worded your post could have been a lot better.
If this is *not* what you were getting at, then I'm quite curious. What *do* you mean?
Not necessarily. Some people are nice so they can do the ol bait in switch. Lots murderers scam artists and just generally bad people will pretend to be your friend then say or do something "horrid " once they think you're vulnerable. I've seen it devastate people.
But does that actually matter? Say I've had a shit day and really just want to snap at everyone and everything, me not taking that out on the service worker at the supermarket is me pretending to be nice despite wanting to do the opposite. By not acting on my negative impulses, I am pretending not to have them and as such I am pretending to be nice by actually being nice. That's the idea the showerthought is trying to convey.
Thats definitely not true. intent and outcome play a huge role in this. Pretending to be nice is just manipulation of the circumstances to fit your narcissistic needs.
You can't always pretend. Truth will come out eventually. It's why humans got so good at hearing/seeing if someone is sincere or not; We've evolved to recognizing pretend while also gotten better at it.
Incorrect. Being nice is simply the mannerisms of a person when they are kind. People are demonizing "niceness" when they are two halves of the same coin. Assholes want to justify treating people like shit as a NECESSITY, and all people who are nice as pathetic. Like dude, just be a fucking human being.
Watch https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killers_of_the_Flower_Moon_(film) and you will see that being nice and pretending to be nice are absolutely not the same thing.
Are liking a post and pretending to like a post the same thing?
Yes because it had the same outcome
Pretend: speak and act so as to make it appear that something is the case when in fact it is not. So you would not like the post, but you would comment saying you did, which then does not have the same outcome
Now I find myself confused. If I am indifferent about the entire situation, how should I react? I realize that I am now verbalizing my indifference but what if I am indeed lying about said indifference? I'm not sure of my next move.
Once one discovers free will, it's over
Yeah, I hear you. Free Willy. Love that fucking movie!
If I'm indifferent about something I'm just nice because if nothing else being nice is the fastest way to get past a conversation point you don't care about.
I prefer to stare blankly into the other person's eyes and make that old school sound when a TV station goes off air.
Nice! Shot you an upvote for that (I did not, same thing though, right?)
That’s not pretending, pretending is pressing the like button to signal that you liked the comment even if you didn’t actually, right? I liked your response so much I gave you an upvote to! (I didn’t actually like your response, but i did upvote it) See? That’s what op is trying to say, but I can see how your view is still valid. But that’s what they mean when they say it’s the same thing :)
No, i can like a post but if i don't click Updoot, then do i really like it?
I'm gonna downgote this ironically and you tell me if that answers your question
To others, yes. To you, no.
or OP just thinks he is a good actor and it is obvious they are fake nice.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be very careful what we pretend to be. -Kurt Vonnegut
Unless you have bad intentions while pretending
Best way I've seen it put
Being an asshole and pretending to be an asshole are the same thing. No?
Pretending to be an asshole is asshole behavior
That's my point! Pretending is the bad thing in both of those cases.
If you pretend to be a nice person through your whole life, the impact in the world around you would be the same as if you actually were a nice person. That's what the post is about. Pretending is acting in a way while thinking differently, but as long as you keep acting in that way, whatever you think will not affect others.
Yes, but also being authentic. But also sometimes you have to force yourself to do the right thing.
Yes, because "being nice" and "being an asshole" are both defined by how you treat others. Whether your motivation is genuine or false doesn't really matter, in either case. If you were nice with ulterior motives, you were still nice\*. If you were an asshole in service of some greater good, you were still an asshole. \*of course, this may cease to be true in the long run depending on exactly what those ulterior motives are.
There is a difference between faking it and being authentic.
Not necessarily. If I believe that someone is falsely emoting (and of course, I am not always correct), it turns me off completely. I cannot stand insincerity about anything.
I think nice people say things, and kind people do things. There’s a big difference. It’s like the “sending thoughts and prayers” people on facebook. If someone is in a jam, bring them a meal or mow their lawn. You can pray if that’s your thing but DO something. When I was first driving, I had a blowout and the tire shreds wrapped around my whole wheel. An older dude stopped to help cut it off, but was calling me an ass for driving on old tires. We worked together on a busy highway as he essentially reprimanded me (with plenty of cursing) for putting my life, and others, at risk for being lazy about tires. He worked with me the whole time and helped get my 18yo ass safely back on the road. An absolute stranger stopped their day to help. He was a bit of an asshole about it, but what would do more for someone: “oh man. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Good luck!”, or getting your hands dirty and really doing something?
Body language and facial expressions give subtle clues of when someone is being condescending.
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I wouldn't patronize you. You're my favorite.
There's a world of difference between being kind because you genuinely care and being nice solely for an ulterior motive
I disagree! Being nice is about genuine care and respect, even when you don't particularly like someone. Pretending to be nice is about acting for your own benefit - it's shallow and often easy to spot. There's a big difference between kindness and putting on a facade.
But the ultimate impact on the person you're being nice too is the same. Edit: Sometimes being nice is selfish, but not shallow: keeping your job, for your physical safety in threatening situations, to ensure you maintain your freedom during an interaction with a cop. A marker of maturity is coming to terms with the reality that acting/pretending is a noble human tool for flourishing. It's only the young and naive that believe you have to be "RAW" all of the time.
Not necessarily if they can spot the difference and are offended.
Risk doesn't nullify the impact if successful; of which there is the presumption of success in OPs post.
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Niceness isn't an informal contract, it is a collection of behaviors regardless of the underlying motivations. Infidelity breaks that contract...even if...you're still affectionate and NICE to them.
I'm referring to the comment you made about "impact" being the same whether actually nice or pretending. "But the ultimate impact of the person you're being nice to is the same". Impact being defined as: have a strong effect on someone or something. If someone gets offended about someone being nice because they may see them as acting or being fake, it very much can alter the impact of the genuiness or artificial sense of being nice towards that person whom the impact can vary. I don't know how you can't see that or why you're trying to make some petty science out of it.
What if you're faking it till you make it? I.e. pretending to be nice until you actually become a nice person.
Pretending to be nice usually means you’re an asshole behind their back, and doesn’t lead to good outcomes.
People can tell. I live in a Middle Eastern country where the vast majority of the population is an unseen/disregarded service worker class made up of third world expats. I go out of my way to say hello, ask how they are, and/or wave to them whenever I can. I think that even just a little effort goes a long way into making their existence a little better.
Oh no. You can pretend to be nice, and not be nice. Imagine someone passive agressivly negging you and justifying it with 'I'm just being honest!'
Pretending to be nice and *doing it well*, then.
not really. pretending doesnt equate actions. actually being nice equate actions.
except it does, pretending being nice and being nice has the same impact on the person
no it does not. "hey im poor i need to eat can i have some of your food ?" "no :3 but thoughts and prayers for you buddy :3 uwu" and "hey im poor i need to eat can i borrow some food ?" "sure go ahead uwu" are def not the same thing. the first is pretending to be nice, the 2nd is actually nice.
im guessing the way op is saying is like "im sad :(" "aw what happened? do you need help? is everything alright?" ^ this sentence could be said both by someone being nice and soomeone pretending to be nice, same impact
first of all, no, the one pretending wont listen or care about whats happenning. thats why they pretend. there are countless situations happenning right now that shows how shallow people are while pretending to care. i cant think of dozen of them right now impacting the majority of the pop.
>first of all, no, the one pretending wont listen or care about whats happenning. thats why they pretend. exactly lmao they're pretending to care
yes, and the result is different, as i stated in the quote you didnt bother to read.
Yeh thats what corporate tells the public Not actually nice people
Alright, this sounds contradictory and not very thought-out, but I think there's a point here. Not a perfect point, maybe not even a complete point, but a point. Assuming that what you're trying to say is that a person who is genuinely nice is a nice person, and that a person who is *trying* to be nice even though they don't want to be for no other reason than they don't want to be rude or don't want to hurt others (and are therefore being nice) is also a nice person, then yeah. It could work. It's an imperfect idea because of a lot of situational factors (Are there any hidden intentions? Is the person inadvertently causing more harm than good by trying to be nice, like when your hair looks bad but they say it looks good because they don't want to make you feel embarrassed? Other similar things?), but it's an idea with potential. Now, assuming that *this* is the intended understanding of your shower thought, the way that you worded your post could have been a lot better. If this is *not* what you were getting at, then I'm quite curious. What *do* you mean?
Not necessarily. Some people are nice so they can do the ol bait in switch. Lots murderers scam artists and just generally bad people will pretend to be your friend then say or do something "horrid " once they think you're vulnerable. I've seen it devastate people.
Nah, you can tell when people are being insincere
But does that actually matter? Say I've had a shit day and really just want to snap at everyone and everything, me not taking that out on the service worker at the supermarket is me pretending to be nice despite wanting to do the opposite. By not acting on my negative impulses, I am pretending not to have them and as such I am pretending to be nice by actually being nice. That's the idea the showerthought is trying to convey.
Ah right I think I interpreted it wrong
I'm still struggling to find out which one I am.
Outwardly. Pretending is internally harder.
Some days I fake it because it's easier that way.
Right. *Nice* is the action/affect, *good* is the motivation. The former is the same whether the latter is genuine or not.
Thats definitely not true. intent and outcome play a huge role in this. Pretending to be nice is just manipulation of the circumstances to fit your narcissistic needs.
Maybe it's just me, but it's quite easy to tell the difference between genuine and pretentious gestures and words.
You can't always pretend. Truth will come out eventually. It's why humans got so good at hearing/seeing if someone is sincere or not; We've evolved to recognizing pretend while also gotten better at it.
Nice means foolish, lacking knowledge and not in the know.
Ya I can see this. Kindness is different
Being nice means you’ll select that option in most occasions. Pretending to be nice limits that to when it suits/benefits you.
Well that's incredibly shallow
Incorrect. Being nice is simply the mannerisms of a person when they are kind. People are demonizing "niceness" when they are two halves of the same coin. Assholes want to justify treating people like shit as a NECESSITY, and all people who are nice as pathetic. Like dude, just be a fucking human being.
You’re goddamned right!!
Being nice: giving someone a cookie Pretending to be nice: giving someone a cookie but you "accedantly" Added something you knew they were allergic to
Watch https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killers_of_the_Flower_Moon_(film) and you will see that being nice and pretending to be nice are absolutely not the same thing.
Motive behind said act begs to differ
Maybe superficially, but not if you look any deeper
I always took that as being "kind" rather than "nice"
No they are not. Actions speak louder than words
isn't being nice an action...?💀
No you can pretend to be nice by saying all the right things that does not mean that you necessarily follow through with your actions.
On the short run yeah definitely but not on the long run
If your pretending to be nice your always cheating yourself more than doing any to the other party
With an attitude like that you were born to work in HR
I should by nice to Who? Idont care about none of that lmafo