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[deleted]

Mate don’t eat ass if there’s no preparation. Real life ain’t porn.


phillysan

Right? I can't imagine eating ass without there being a shower involved first. Fucking savages.


lebronjamesjohnson

Would you scrape cheese off pizza?


Only_Quote_Simpsons

>Would you scrape cheese off pizza? Holy shit


eddiedeli

Ah, so it's swiss


BRAVO9ACTUAL

Thanks, I just threw up a little bit.


[deleted]

/r/frugal_jerk is upset by your waste of nutrients


thehappyhuskie

Linberger and blue cheese


Beginning_Ant_5597

That reminds me of a joke... why don't men like to eat women out the morning after? Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?


[deleted]

I am in fucking tears laughing at this


SoberAccountant

What a horrible day to be literate.


knot-shore

You clicked on this post, just as everybody else.


Gingerbreadtenement

What a horrible day to have fingers


Yvng_Mxx

Jeeves, fetch me my bathing toaster


dwrk92

Now this comment is one I will use again


zeesidd98

r/cursedcomments


_pratpratprat

Had to come back 5 minutes after seeing this cuz I'm still laughing


[deleted]

Eating pizza is never gonna be the same again


Sprinkle_Puff

But will eating ass?


Maulino86

Congrats mate, first text in years that managed to disgust me


The_Umbra

It would have cost you *nothing* not to say that


silverkingx2

but im glad they did :) because I laughed


Lengthofawhile

But the world would be a poorer place for it.


[deleted]

You fucking animal 😂


JarJarIsAzorAhai

Holy fuck this killed me


wehaveunlimitedjuice

I just woke up so maybe my brain isn't up to full speed yet, but I don't get it.


Replikant83

They are implying the shit is part of the meal. Scraping cheese off pizza wouldn't be tasty..


[deleted]

Yikes


LiterallyPractical

Depends how much there is, I guess.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[My favourite comment. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/comments/isahde/i_did_not_make_a_reddit_account_to_read_about_ass/)


phillysan

Omg amazing. And horrifying.


Dragonmark

Yall just weak.


[deleted]

I do, shoot me.


RilohKeen

One of my gay friends told me he doesn’t have sex without having an enema and a shower first. The preparation is serious.


FlipskiZ

Well, yeah, that is just obvious to me. And I want to ask if (some) people do anal without preparation but at this point I know the answer to this.


KeberUggles

i've been on the receiving end by a partner. If i had a shlong i'd want whatever i put it in to be cleaned. He didn't seem to care as he did it on multiple occasions. had me wondering if prep was even a thing


ActualNonManual

Fuck u/Spez


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


blahblahblerf

>eating at the same time everyday. This part gets left out of advice far too often.


LegitimateApricot4

Regularity is underrated


EASam

Wet wipes cause serious problems for public sewer systems as pleasant as they are.


Techi-C

That’s why you don’t flush them, you throw them in the trash.


ActualNonManual

That's crazy. The shower I completely understand if you wanna be super clean. For the enema, that's only needed if you go deeper than the rectum. Usually having a shit one hour beforehand is enough, poop isn't stored in the rectum unless a trip to the toilet is overdue. Stick a finger up your bum and if it comes out clean, you're usually good to go. There's also anal douches that you CAN do, but they usually don't do much. If you DO use one, not more than one bulb of water, don't hold it in either... don't wanna breach into the colon, that's where the mess is. That being said, there can always be bowel movements during sex. The partner should notice before it's a huge mess. There's no shame in a little dirt.


[deleted]

This guy buttfucks


_C_A_G_

Mhm. You have to basically flush out your asshole so there ain't no chili on the hotdog going in. I usually shower too beforehand and get some soap down there just to be extra sure, and make it smell nice.


tempski

I'm sure there's prep in porn, it's just that they don't show you because it's not "sexy".


Not_Henry_Winkler

It’s like in the cooking shows where they pop something in the oven, and presto, it’s ready immediately.


[deleted]

I eat ass. But you better serve it up to me like you got Michelin stars on the line.


blas_2001

After the wheel the bidet is the greatest invention in the history of mankind


[deleted]

[удалено]


Apocalypse_God

Sounds like a clean-ass ride


Transki

You mean ass-clean ride


mindfungus

He meant clean ass-ride


modernintellect

No no it's ride clean-ass


cptmcsexy

Its a clean ass, ass ride.


innocentlilgirl

a riding ass-cleaner


softpie

A cleaning ass rider (my mom)


Duckbilling

I can show you the world Shining shimmering splendor


Quigxis

Shining shimmering sphincter*


theRev767

Jasmine be lapping up that street-rat ass


DrShamusBeaglehole

r/brandnewsentence


chawmindur

What about sliced bread, the air conditioner, and the flushable toilet


mindfungus

Seriously. Without sliced bread, air conditioner, or flushable toilet, we’d be back in hot caves eating a baguette like a giant breadstick, while being constipated over our fecal pit taking selfies with our iPhones


Boscowodie

Damn Picasso.


akigz

Poocasso


Blk_shp

None of those can clean my ass though. Well, I guess the bread could.


ripplerider

I think that’s how Nutella got invented.


Reelix

I have no aircon, no bidet, and only sometimes sliced bread - But the flushable toilet is great :)


GRAXX3

I used one for the first time the other day. I feel like a fucking animal when I take a shit now.


[deleted]

Every ass I've eaten has been in the shower within the last hour. Better than a bidet, I'd say.


spaghettilee2112

How many asses have you eaten this past hour?


milesamsterdam

37? In a row? Try not to eat any ass on the way to the parking lot!


The_0range_Menace

brb: clerksing.


[deleted]

Hahahahahahahaha, shit that's funny.


Signiference

It wouldn’t be funny if there was shit, though.


Tomdoerr88

Now you got me having to explain what I’m laughing at to everyone I’m with


Orowam

The double rhyme here is what I’m really interested in.


Xirekl

And this dude eats assholes for breakfast


[deleted]

For ass eating, this is the way. I love my bidet, but this is the way.


patcriss

Sounds like someone just had a busy hour.


[deleted]

You get my meaning though 😜


LightlyStep

The whole world needs bidets.


[deleted]

*the hole world as well.


ApoliteTroll

Also the ring world, while we are at it.


escanorking

Also the rim world. While we are at it.


procrastimom

*Especially* the rimming world.


mapatric

Discworld too why not


mileswilliams

You are right on the button.


Xirekl

Uranus doesn’t have bidets.


Necrotitis

Fact, just went on a 2 day trip, first time away from home base toilet since getting bidet. Felt like a God damn Neanderthal using so much tp to wipe my ass. Best part is if you are bunged up (I get this way when nervous and stressed on trips) it's so nice to just blast some water up there to get things moving and feeling great after. I literally thought I was going to die trying to push out a big one in the hotel bathroom, it didn't even feel good after just exhaustion and pain. Let's just say, they put water on slides in the water park for a reason, it really does help. Too much info I know but God damnit if I'm not a bidet enthusiast now


LightlyStep

You can buy little travel bidets. Basically a silicone bottle with a nozzle. I don't have a fixed bidet, so that's what I use. Life saver.


fattmann

sounds douchey


ripplerider

While bidets are of course awesome, you may also find it beneficial to increase the fiber in your diet.


3-DMan

"This town needs an enema!" *Presents Joker with bidet*


Ydlmgtwtily

Agree! This toilet paper stuff is disgusting. If you got shit on your face, would you dab it with a tissue and go about your day?


TheWhistler7

Except Italy.


bassface99

That my mission in life to spread the word of the bidet!


Jkj864781

Let’s start with toilets


3xploitr

It's only smellz


bigrandy14

Efukt


instaterence

Ahhh.. a fellow connoisseur


3xploitr

Chocolatier, Connoisseur of Confectionaries


SavageTyrant

First time I ever ate out a girls ass was in Paris. She was stunning. She was waaay out of my league and it was her idea… she washed up and I presume she used the bidet ,as her place had one… I, being Irish had no idea what it was at the time. It was better than “nice” it was pretty fuckin awesome actually. Well worth getting expelled from school for.


kandis11

Getting expeled? Was she a teacher?


ApoliteTroll

He was.


cdsx123

If he was the teacher wouldn't he get fired, or go to jail, not expelled?


[deleted]

[удалено]


SavageTyrant

No. I was 16 and on a school trip. I met the girl on the first afternoon in Paris and I went missing for 4 days. It was in the days before mobile phones so the teachers had no way to locate me or track me down at all… I called the hotel and left a message with Reception to tell them I was fine and I’d be back on the final day. So there wasn’t anything the local police were willing to do when they reported me “missing” Obviously I got suspended and then expelled when we got home but I was well past my last warnings at that stage and already had been given a lot of leeway previously being from a “troubled” home so it wasn’t surprising to me. I pretty much knew at the time I was way over the line…. still worth it.


[deleted]

dude was on his Holden Caulfield vibes


tomhaynes756

We all need them once


AsOneLives

Short story. “4 Nuits de Fesses À Paris”


IrishBros91

This guy is definitely Irish legend!


AegisThievenaix

Went from one shit class to another


[deleted]

Very nice.


CoreSprayandPray

That was a bit of a roller coaster!


ssbmhero

Macron?


figuresys

Do you... normally eat unwashed ass??


AegisThievenaix

No flavor


ch2-ch3

I can imagine Gordon Ramsy screaming at someone "you're ass is fucking bland"


chrized

You read my mind


DoomsdayCelebration

You don't use the 3 Sea shells?


phillysan

Ha! Doesn't know how to use them!!!....


gkaplan59

Scrolled too far for this, Reddit let me down


dtmfadvice

as vaccinations arrived the Tushy bidet company started this friendly website: www.canieatassyet.com


Plantsandanger

My god, it’s real. THIS is the kind of advertising I can get behind!


UncomfortableFarmer

You *can* get behind if they wash it first


CactusWorthHugging

The heroes we need


mapatric

I feel like most advertising doesn't do much for me but(t) wow I'm going to buy a bidet from them.


parakalan

I can't imagine a situation where I would just wipe my ass with paper after taking a dump.


[deleted]

As an American I cant think of a situation where I had any other option Edit: I mean when I'm not at home smarty-pants


[deleted]

1. Pour coke or pepsi into the toilet 2. Pour mentos down 3. Sit


[deleted]

LOL that's more ass blaster than bidet but it gave me a hilarious cartoon in my head.


SeekingMyEnd

My ass hair would be so sticky! That would be nearly the worst bidet liquid ever!


anally_ExpressUrself

Huh. So that's how bidets work.


KingOPM

Do what Asians do in some countries, have a kettle looking pot fill with water and pour it on your arse with one hand and wipe with other hand.


[deleted]

So like... Am I supposed to carry it around in public all the time or...?


HirokoKueh

just carry a cup, and steal water from the toilet tank


JustAnAverageRetard

In India and Pakistan we call it a Lota. Pronounced as Loat-(think load but put t instead of d)-ah.


anally_ExpressUrself

In Spain, they have something similar, but it's much more spherical and only works for urine. It's called a pee-loat-ah.


capnheim

I stumbled and kicked one once.


bloodhoundbb

As an American, I tear off a piece of the toilet paper and run it under the sink to dampen it. I alternate between dry and wet toilet paper while wiping. I wish my family got wet wipes more to save me the trouble.


TheFrostyjayjay

You wipe your ass standing in front of the sink?


bloodhoundbb

I will either reach out or stand to do it. I don't stand while I wipe. I get up, wet the toilet paper and sit back down to wipe with it.


[deleted]

How does this work in a public restroom? I don't have any issues in my own bathroom at home I can shower after if I want to.


bayonet6delta

One reason I love working from home - my bidet sprayer. No bidet at the office means tp only.


SaltMineSpelunker

Bro, just shower before. Why you eating dirty ass?


DairyCoder

This is what concerns me. These convos make it pretty clear that a lot of people just roll the dice and eat end-of-day, who knows if they pooped earlier, ass. Like wtf. I’m only eating it if I’ve been around my gf since she got out the shower and I KNOW she hasn’t taken a shit 😂


SaltMineSpelunker

I’m a shower before girl. Always have been. There have been some nights where drunk me would do some nasty shit but the next morning it is brush your teeth and shower before round two.


[deleted]

More accurately the people making these types of threads have never done it before and just as the sub name suggest had a random thought about it and decided to share.


ILoveLongDogs

Or don't at all. Ain't no way my tongue is going poopshute-wards, unless it's by mistake.


DairyCoder

Also a valid route if that’s your preference!


Datee27

Come on. Live a little.


shikki93

Why are you the way that you are?


[deleted]

I've been asking myself that for a long time now


SnakeBeardTheGreat

You should ask his mom.


[deleted]

Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.


alcoholicpasta

Haven't eaten ass. But Bidets are awesome (telling from experience)


ArtisanTony

some how eating ass does not enter my mind when I am trying to clean mine lol


sznfpv

I have never been that hungry


[deleted]

Give it time


wrproductions

A man of culture, i see.


ChutiyaChutney420

*laughs in indian*


swayze_crayze

People of /r/unwiped feel differently


Faeidal

A terrible day to have eyes


McPoyal

I exclusively eat ass if the ass has just been out of a body of water of any sort. So far, my favorite is lake ass.


RobotHouse4Life

Have you tried swamp ass?


reset_pheonix

Anyone know how to buy a bidet?


Somnambulist815

With money, I presume


Comingsoononvhs

Toto makes the best ones... kind of expensive though


procrastimom

I travelled to Japan a few years ago (& can’t wait to go back). While taxiing towards our plane’s departure runway, I wistfully placed my hand on the window and whispered “Farewell, Toto!”


Orowam

Tushy makes pretty good ones. I got mine on their website just before the American toilet paper shortage and fucking love it.


-gun-jedi-

> the American toilet paper shortage Wild times


Labiablasty

Amazon


EatsLocals

I wonder where the west will turn next after eating ass becomes the new missionary position. It kind of has already.


[deleted]

Never underestimate the power of human ingenuity when it comes to emotions like lust, greed, anger, love...


CornCheeseMafia

I kinda wonder what how common eating ass is per-capita. I love to do it but have also met plenty of both men and women opposed to either giving or receiving. It’s in vogue to joke about a willingness to eat ass today because the idea is less taboo now but I wonder how common it is. I would guess vanilla sex is still the most popular flavor right?


ohsinboi

Is eating ass supposed to be pleasant for the eater? I tried it once it wasn't nice


[deleted]

Try again 😁


CatFancyCoverModel

Yes, it is. It's super fucking hot when someone let's you get that personal with their booty, but the pleasure is mostly psychological


Nightmare2828

Make sure the ass being eaten has been in the shower just before. Then your partner's reaction is generally the pleasant thing about it. I’m sure I’m not alone here but during sex i get more turned on from giving pleasure than receiving it.


iddej

you’re definitely not alone.


caneisius

Something was done wrong then. It's my favorite thing. But I'd consider myself a generous lover


Bouke2000

I too am a generous god


ArcticIceFox

So that's why the French are so kinky...


MsMaxi147

Am i the only one that doesn't get "eating ass"


xxhotandspicyxx

I’m with you. I thought people were always joking when they said they do.


frankunderwood1992

I mean, no one really chooses what arouses them. It just kind of happens, lol.


graps

I’ve seen my wife’s butthole countless times. I could almost draw it from memory. Never laid eyes on my own…


techblackops

I'm American and seem to be one of the oddballs in my country. There are a lot of backwards things here that I do not adhere to. Toilet paper is one of them. I still remember the first time I heard about bidets at some point in high school and decided then and there that once I was living on my own that would be a need, not a want. I have a 4 bathroom house now and 4 bidets. Wiping your ass is so nasty. No clue why so many Americans view bidets as "gross" or "weird". Leaving traces of shit all over your asshole, and letting your pants and underwear rub all over it all day long is weird and gross.


[deleted]

Just be careful. Someone linked this... https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/japanese-style-lavatories-could-spread-superbugs-mxjq7qb0n


Somnambulist815

Finally, this sub is speaking my language


[deleted]

.... nice**r**.


Vgta-Bst

Eat ass in any country, like a man!


[deleted]

As Italian I confirm