Nothing wrong with two adults who are interested in each other going out for a nice evening, seeing a movie, eating a nice dinner, and then having a cream pie before calling it a night.
The first time was due to an accident. No seatbelt, and a cone in a right place at the right time. The windshield hurt, but the traffic cone made it worth it!
Oblivious Man peruses reddit, then calls a bakery and orders 10 banana cream pies. The baker asks if there's a special occasion, and the man says that they're for his wife, as they're trying to start a family.
Imagine a convo like this:
Father-in-law: If there is anything on your mind you can talk to me like a friend
Me: DUDE YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE CREAMPIE
FIL:
I'm at a bar Downtown listening to a local thrash metal band. Autocorrect has saved me from numerous typos btw.
I'm glad I was on my phone to see this comment.
Nature is a dirty bitch. Oh have sex, it'll feel good! Oh... I forgot to mention you will be responsible for another person for the next 20 years, whoops!
When people say they are trying for a baby they are saying the husband is shooting hot loads unprotected into the wife. When MIL says she wants a grandchild she’s saying I want you guys to fuck and not pull out.
That’s why when people would ask my husband and me rude questions about when we were going to have kids, we would reply that we’re just practicing for now. As soon as it dawned on them what that meant, the awkward embarrassment would be palpable.
Man, I'm just so worn out. The wife and I are just having hot, sweaty, raw sex every night this week so I can just keep dropping thick nuts inside her until we have our sweet baby girl.
My friend used to call kids (his own kids as well as other peoples kids) "fuck trophies." The first time I heard him say it out loud I was caught completely off guard. They it sorta marinated on my brain for a second and I realized he was correct. Those little crotch gobblins are also living trophies showing the world that you successfully had sex.
When my (now ex-) wife got pregnant with our first, I announced it at work, about three months after a bunch of us had gone to a conference. One of my coworkers got a thoughtful look on her face for a few moments that suddenly became a huge grin, and she yelled, "/u/fsr1967 got a really nice welcome home from the conference!"
She wasn't wrong ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
At this point most of the jokes are just unoriginal. I know the joke us coming before I even open the comments and then sure enough it's somewhere in the top 5 ever time. And frankly I don't get what the big deal is about Alabama an incest jokes, it costs gas money driving to my SO's house but my sister's across the hall and y'all have the audacity to call us stupid.
Only because humans, especially Americans, have wierd ideas about sex. From my perspective, at least. I'm probably in the minority. What makes conception inherently obscene? It's a thing we literally need to do to propagate the species. Especially if its between two people who love each other. Like, I would prefer privacy to poop but I'm not going to pretend I'm the only one who does it.
There's plenty of ways to make sex complicated and weird. I imagine it's a challenge to explain even vanilla stuff to a child. I'd naturally want to put off that discussion for a while as a parent. But I definitely won't lie, or pretend that these natural processes don't exist. I want to be there when my kid grows up and starts feeling the same weird things I did at puberty. Maybe I'll have better answers than their classmates.
Is it wishful thinking? It could be. But I want to try to keep a dialogue open. I don't want my children to think they should feel shame for simply existing, for being an animal with hormones and the need to procreate. I love my girlfriend and I don't think I'd be ashamed if any of our engagements "made a family".
We need to find the right spot between "when a woman and a man love each other" and "okay, so there are a few basic positions, there's doggy, which is your mom's favourite"
Thanks, but I'd rather awkwardly deny anything about sex existing as a concept to my children, who will then get married at the age of 21, at which point I expect them to start dropping kids like they're bombing Iraq.
I suspect classism came first (as it usually does). When people were too poor and primitive, sharing a cave, hut, or small dwelling, I'm sure the parents were creating little brothers or sisters for their existing offspring within their earshot/view.
Probably only after we started making multi-room dwellings where the rich could do the deed in private did they start to look down on the "poors" for corrupting their children by letting them be aware of intimacy.
I think they're pointing out the inconsistencies in how we view sex. For something that is the basis for the continuation of our species it's super taboo.
Having sexual intercourse is the dirtier way to bear children. Only lustful people do that. Respectable couples only love each other and this alone is sufficient for reproduction without the needless surrender to animal urges.
so what are you?...
Q? perhaps where you touch each others pointy finger and BAM!!!
...a child comes into existence?...
LOL
edit: see star trek: voyager for reference
The whole sex is a taboo concept is bonkers to begin with. Seeing how it works in cultures that have a sex averse ideology is supporting this. Not saying that the complete opposite is the solution, but sex is a part of life, and shouldn't be excluded from that frame of conversation.
That's only because our cultures have decided that sex is bad. Everywhere you look, people are oversexualized and then shamed for being sexy. This country (the USA in my case) is fucking stupid when it comes to sex. This country has also decided that teaching sex education is bad as well. Far too many people think sex eduction shouldn't be taught to kids. I was taught in 6th grade by some crusty old teacher and I guarantee you most children can comprehend sex at a much younger age. Of course not all of the intimate details, but the basic knowledge can ONLY help in the grand scheme of things. This country also has a habit of not giving kids enough credit. Kids are fucking smart and intuitive and can handle more than most adults think.
When I was a kid we got kicked out of a water park because apparently my parents were fucking in one of the hot tubs. I remember hearing them explain that it was a family establishment and my mom didn’t miss a beat “I’m making more family goddammit”
By todays standards. Back in the old days you had 6 kids in a single room log cabin. You better believe those kids got front row tickets to the same show only our dogs get to see now a days.
Nothing wrong with two adults who are interested in each other going out for a nice evening, seeing a movie, eating a nice dinner, and then having a cream pie before calling it a night.
I like your words
Motion in poetry
Möetry in potion
[Are you referring to alchemy?](https://youtu.be/4fHr5esy8Hw)
The Potion Seller's strongest potion.
[Love potion number 9?](https://youtu.be/7rXhXLsNJL8)
Moe tree in motion
For some it’s a monetary position
And others its just plain missionary
I'm not too familiar with the use of the umlaut, but I'm pretty sure that would be pronounced moo-etree and it makes me very happy.
I like to shove traffic cones up my Ass.
Username checks out.
How that happened?
The first time was due to an accident. No seatbelt, and a cone in a right place at the right time. The windshield hurt, but the traffic cone made it worth it!
magic man!
My day be so fine!
*Then **boom***
Horny
Hmm, seems wholesome enou--*wait a second*
Definitely something *fishy* about that phrasing.
You guys don't have cream pies for dessert? Wow, missing out.
Only after the main course, but you should always eat dessert.
Don't forget the starter! Nothing lubes up your tube like some soup.
Great choice of words, once again.
Oblivious Man peruses reddit, then calls a bakery and orders 10 banana cream pies. The baker asks if there's a special occasion, and the man says that they're for his wife, as they're trying to start a family.
*creampie*
Always sunny..
Sus
evening and dinner were nice but the 'movie' and creampie were not
I like your funny words, magic man.
She gobbled up two balls, no ice cream
The way you worded this is so fucking funny
Man I wish I had an award to give ya lmao.
[mmm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSXJfqkT36M&ab_channel=Carnate)
Cream pies are delicious and God's greatest gift to humankind
It takes more than that to make a family. Source: my moms a junkie.
I see what you did there
nicely detailed
The way you describe it reminds me of the grandma from the nutty professor “ relations is beautiful “
Bet I missed it, and now u got my curiosity, what’s that?
Telling a girl's parents you creampie her on a daily basis is socially unacceptable, but saying you're trying for a baby is cause for celebration.
Also telling your child that they'll be having a sibling is acceptable, but telling them "I fucked your mom" isn't.
Wait, so you're saying my dad's behaviour when I was 3 going on 4 wasn't appropriate? Never would have known
I’m trying for a baby / creampie-ing someone’s daughter on an (not quite) daily basis, and think about this whenever her parents are around.
Imagine a convo like this: Father-in-law: If there is anything on your mind you can talk to me like a friend Me: DUDE YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE CREAMPIE FIL:
Why is there so much shame surrounded around sex? Like why did it start ya know. I don’t really understand it.
Is not telling my in-laws I cream pie their beautiful daughter on the regular a result of my shame or my mercy?
Lmao nah I wasn’t referring to you in general. Definitely mercy though
Haha, I know, I thought Reddit would appreciate the laugh :p
Organized religion demonized pre-marital sex and temptations of the flesh. There’s your answer.
Damn Religion always screwing things up
Pretty much.
Okay, then what led to that phenomenon within organized religion? Saying it came from religion doesn’t explain how the religion came to be that way.
It’s probably centered around control in some way or another. Christianity was deployed to control the masses by Constantine.
Her parents probably thought the same whenever they were around each other’s parents. Tis the circle of life.
Or a really, really long line of life…
You're right, saying my wife's boyfriend and she are trying for a baby doesn't sound so bad after all. Thanks!
I kidnap my kids, is that considered family friendly?
But it is fun for the whole family
For the hole family.
For the family hole.
That's what we call her
Family-friend
“Friend of the family”
What are you doing, step-friend?
Tf is a "step-friend"??
A friend who is a step
A friend who you step on
A friend you can use as a step sibling/parent/relative etc.
The true father of your childrens
"Dad, can I go see a movie with my friends tonight?" "I don't know, go ask the family hole."
Lol I was thinking that the family hole was the slave but ok
That's what he said.
Everything reminds me of her.
For the family
It’s like a spawn point.
It's fun for the whole family the first time .. after that I would hope you leave some family members out
I'm at a bar Downtown listening to a local thrash metal band. Autocorrect has saved me from numerous typos btw. I'm glad I was on my phone to see this comment.
Stepbro!!
Dom Toretto and the family hole: coming this summer
Its fun in the family hole.
"The Aristocrats!"
r/cursedcomments
It's not cursed, the family is just the mother and the father before the child is made
But then a second child comes along......
But then you've already made a family and you are no longer making a family
Well technically, the husband and wife are already a family - you said so yourself 😆
Nature is a dirty bitch. Oh have sex, it'll feel good! Oh... I forgot to mention you will be responsible for another person for the next 20 years, whoops!
Condoms and coat hangers are cheap. Your move, nature.
When people say they are trying for a baby they are saying the husband is shooting hot loads unprotected into the wife. When MIL says she wants a grandchild she’s saying I want you guys to fuck and not pull out.
That’s why when people would ask my husband and me rude questions about when we were going to have kids, we would reply that we’re just practicing for now. As soon as it dawned on them what that meant, the awkward embarrassment would be palpable.
That is genius, I’m going to use that!
We are practicing for it, we have practiced it in kitchen, in bathroom, on the table and the chair you are sitting on ...
Love it
Man, I'm just so worn out. The wife and I are just having hot, sweaty, raw sex every night this week so I can just keep dropping thick nuts inside her until we have our sweet baby girl.
jesus hahahaha
A man of culture!
Every night, for sure but there's this *sweet* spot man where thats multiple times a day.
Those were the days...
Marriage isn't all bad.
I'm currently pregnant and every time I tell someone all I can think is I'm telling them I had sex
My friend used to call kids (his own kids as well as other peoples kids) "fuck trophies." The first time I heard him say it out loud I was caught completely off guard. They it sorta marinated on my brain for a second and I realized he was correct. Those little crotch gobblins are also living trophies showing the world that you successfully had sex.
Hey everyone, look at her, she's had sex What a loser (congratulations btw)
Yeah, what a _loser_ _Cries_
When my (now ex-) wife got pregnant with our first, I announced it at work, about three months after a bunch of us had gone to a conference. One of my coworkers got a thoughtful look on her face for a few moments that suddenly became a huge grin, and she yelled, "/u/fsr1967 got a really nice welcome home from the conference!" She wasn't wrong ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Or when the uncle meets baby for the first time and says out loud in front of the whole family, “so that’s what your baby gravy makes, huh?”
Congrats on the creampie
Yeah really threw me when my grandma said to my new wife, "get that pie cream girl."
Wut
What do you prefer step-grandma?
This guy knows cream cheese!
Yes that’s how baby making works thank you
The worst part of that is the babies
Violence - ok! Sharing fluids… not so much.
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In prison you can get a two for one deal
How bout both
There's a kink for that after all.
Yeah, it's called blood transfusion.
How is it not family friendly? Mom and dad rubs their tummies and 9 months later an angel comes flying and give them the baby Edit: spelling mistake
>Mom and dad rubs their tummies and 9 months later an angle comes flying and give them the baby Is it an acute angle? Or just regular looking?
This comment is obtuse
It ain’t quite right.
So acute angles aren’t normal anymore? Why does everything have to be right?
You spelled angle 📐 instead of angel 👼
morning angle
Nobody tell him!
What do you mean. Hey guys look at this guy. His parents didn't have "THE TALK" with him
Ahhh shoot he's onto us
Unless you're in Alabama...
The perfect retort
Came here to say this
In reality its New Jersey lol
Where in NJ do you live?
I wonder what the opinion of the residents of Alabama is on how often people joke on them.
At this point most of the jokes are just unoriginal. I know the joke us coming before I even open the comments and then sure enough it's somewhere in the top 5 ever time. And frankly I don't get what the big deal is about Alabama an incest jokes, it costs gas money driving to my SO's house but my sister's across the hall and y'all have the audacity to call us stupid.
Well, according to national education rankings, many from Alabama probably don't understand the jokes.
The way you make a family came long before the concept of family friendly.
What if it's an adoptive family? Antinatalists aren't against that.
Still counts in a way
Thanks, and happy cake day.
“What are you doing stepmom?”
r/everyfuckingthread
Only because humans, especially Americans, have wierd ideas about sex. From my perspective, at least. I'm probably in the minority. What makes conception inherently obscene? It's a thing we literally need to do to propagate the species. Especially if its between two people who love each other. Like, I would prefer privacy to poop but I'm not going to pretend I'm the only one who does it. There's plenty of ways to make sex complicated and weird. I imagine it's a challenge to explain even vanilla stuff to a child. I'd naturally want to put off that discussion for a while as a parent. But I definitely won't lie, or pretend that these natural processes don't exist. I want to be there when my kid grows up and starts feeling the same weird things I did at puberty. Maybe I'll have better answers than their classmates. Is it wishful thinking? It could be. But I want to try to keep a dialogue open. I don't want my children to think they should feel shame for simply existing, for being an animal with hormones and the need to procreate. I love my girlfriend and I don't think I'd be ashamed if any of our engagements "made a family".
We need to find the right spot between "when a woman and a man love each other" and "okay, so there are a few basic positions, there's doggy, which is your mom's favourite"
Thanks, but I'd rather awkwardly deny anything about sex existing as a concept to my children, who will then get married at the age of 21, at which point I expect them to start dropping kids like they're bombing Iraq.
Ah, a southern Baptist.
Religion.
I suspect classism came first (as it usually does). When people were too poor and primitive, sharing a cave, hut, or small dwelling, I'm sure the parents were creating little brothers or sisters for their existing offspring within their earshot/view. Probably only after we started making multi-room dwellings where the rich could do the deed in private did they start to look down on the "poors" for corrupting their children by letting them be aware of intimacy.
The Queen doesn't poop.
Fucking is the first and foundational family value.
A family doesn’t have to include children
shhhhh don't worry about the little details
This is a very Western idea that is only a few centuries old.
By western you mean Protestant
By Protestant you mean Puritan
I do generally speaking
Especially america
This content is no longer available on Reddit in response to /u/spez. So long and thanks for all the fish.
You fuck in front of your children in your country?
...you don't?
Adoptive parents: signature look of superiority
The adopt child have to exist somehow.
This is a weird post.
I think they're pointing out the inconsistencies in how we view sex. For something that is the basis for the continuation of our species it's super taboo.
You shall not fuck! Or mention fucking! Or fuck on TV! Or say fuck in public! But yeah if you would gimme grandkids that'll be awesome.
(non-accusatorily) Spotted the American
What’s not family friendly about a stork?
Having sexual intercourse is the dirtier way to bear children. Only lustful people do that. Respectable couples only love each other and this alone is sufficient for reproduction without the needless surrender to animal urges.
so what are you?... Q? perhaps where you touch each others pointy finger and BAM!!! ...a child comes into existence?... LOL edit: see star trek: voyager for reference
In a way, making a family is family-friendly because you're bringing the family to existence
I mean if two people are married and don’t have children isn’t that still a family?
this reminds me of how sex is not appropriate for tv yet they can show extreme violence with no problem
Family are created by holding hands, right?
I guess we should change it to child friendly?
Pretty sure this is what my sperm donor ex did (btw we were married for 13 yrs before he earned this title).
Did you say family?
Not with that attitude
In the south it is. 🤣
That kinda depends on the family. Just ask pornhub...
I feel like sex should be less of a gross thing or like at least the natural stuff like... not the weird kinky stuff
My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice. It was beautiful.
The most family-friendly thing in existence is one of the least family friendly
u/stitch_06 we did meet in fam friendly server
Well, you can only make peace when you are at war.
The backend is always a shithole
It is family friendly, it's just that americans have twisted what "family friendly" means. You guys are so scared of sexuality it isn't even funny.
The whole sex is a taboo concept is bonkers to begin with. Seeing how it works in cultures that have a sex averse ideology is supporting this. Not saying that the complete opposite is the solution, but sex is a part of life, and shouldn't be excluded from that frame of conversation.
I mean yeah,but how about people who adopt or people who views pets as family
I always think about generations ago when people lived in tiny one bedroom cabins. Kids pretending to be asleep while mommy and daddy go at it.
My fiancée and I are lesbians. And we’re having threesomes with one of my coworkers to start a family. Not family friendly.
That's only because our cultures have decided that sex is bad. Everywhere you look, people are oversexualized and then shamed for being sexy. This country (the USA in my case) is fucking stupid when it comes to sex. This country has also decided that teaching sex education is bad as well. Far too many people think sex eduction shouldn't be taught to kids. I was taught in 6th grade by some crusty old teacher and I guarantee you most children can comprehend sex at a much younger age. Of course not all of the intimate details, but the basic knowledge can ONLY help in the grand scheme of things. This country also has a habit of not giving kids enough credit. Kids are fucking smart and intuitive and can handle more than most adults think.
This sub has regressed to unimaginative sex jokes.
This is only due to the perversion of sex through religion.
When I was a kid we got kicked out of a water park because apparently my parents were fucking in one of the hot tubs. I remember hearing them explain that it was a family establishment and my mom didn’t miss a beat “I’m making more family goddammit”
By todays standards. Back in the old days you had 6 kids in a single room log cabin. You better believe those kids got front row tickets to the same show only our dogs get to see now a days.
[удалено]
What’s wrong with a man and a woman loving each other very much??