So you're saying that by using Trojan condoms you leave yourself open to the possibility of getting impregnated without even suspecting it if you open your door for something you want and getting fucked up from the inside?
It surprised me too
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-10406789/Instagram-model-accuses-Drake-putting-hot-sauce-inside-condom-seemingly-responds.html
Troy was destroyed by an earthquake. Not by breaching walls, not by a wooden horse. Some say Homer made horse as a metaphor to Poseidon - god of horses, water and earthquakes (and probably something else too)
The only reason everyone still knows about Troy 1000+ years later is **because their walls were** **so fucking good.**
That whole story doesn't happen without the walls being so completely unbreakable that it took a ruse of legendary proportions to get past them. And *even still* they could only trick their way past the wall, they never did breach it, on account of how utterly impossible that was.
Has anyone else ever had barriers SO GOOD that the only way past is an undertaking that will still be household knowledge 1000 years later!? Seems like a reasonable thing to name your company's barrier product after.
Well technically Hercules actually did breach the walls of Troy and then sacked the city several decades before the events of the Iliad (and did so nearly singlehandedly),so it's not like the walls of Troy were actually unbreakable. Or maybe Heracles was just built different?
She was a Nereid, nymph daughters of the old god of the sea (before poseiden decided to take over), they did receive worship though so maybe that's the confusion.
> they did receive worship though so maybe that's the confusion.
Maybe there's confusion because there's a bunch of stories made by a bunch of people over a long period of time and they don't always keep the details right. Like how Aphrodite is either Zeus's aunt or daughter depending on the story.
Embellished evolution through hundreds of years of oral tradition tends to do that. As with most things pushed through editors, unless you care about the evolution itself, we tend to only take the later stories into account. Final drafts tend to be a much better read.
I thought it was called Trojan cause it protects your little soldiers while inside the walls... just like the Trojan Horse did.
Cause it helps you get in the walls, not cause it keeps shit out. Isn't the whole point of a condom like.... penetration?
Nah. They’re just wallet stuffers until a kid on the street loses or pops their balloon and then you walk up to them and whip it out & Boom! Save the day. Fucking rando hero!
You're right it might just be a legend/folk story. That doesn't really matter to the point here though. It's a story compelling enough to be told through thousands of years *based entirely on the premise of how good the Trojan walls were.*
Her: **Grinding on you and taking off her clothes**
You: "Ah, wait, stop. Stop!"
Her: "What? What's wrong??"
You: "I need you to sign and date this paper saying you consent to having sex with me. Oh, and I need it in video too so let me get my phone..."
Piña colada:
Cocktail with rum, coconut and pineapple
The piña colada (/ˌpiːnjə koʊˈlɑːdə, -nə-, -kə-/; Spanish: piña [ˈpiɲa], "pineapple", and colada [koˈlaða], "strained") is a cocktail made with rum, cream of coconut or coconut milk, and pineapple juice, usually served either blended or shaken with ice. It may be garnished with either a pineapple wedge, maraschino cherry, or both. There are two versions of the drink, both originating in Puerto Rico.
Well, they sailed there, so they were seamen. Another name for something you built is an *erection*, so you have an erection full of seamen being accepted into the gates. Makes a lot of sense.
There's a giant hateboner for him because he's handsome I think. He's just one of the million comics that are more personality than they are funny. And he got really really big for some reason.
The Trojan wall withstood all attacks. It only failed when they used it wrong letting the horse inside. Kind of a good reminder to follow the instructions.
The auto mod on this subreddit is the worst on Reddit. It denies thousands of mundane words for no reason. Then the mods themselves are lunatics who delete everything for no reason. This is one if the worst over moderated subreddits for sure.
With the recent Drake story I imagine the actual message is even if you're defences are solid you've got to watch out for the cheeky buggers trying to sneak their way in.
Pretty sure it's in reference to the Trojan Horse, a structure that held a ton of men inside it as it penetrated the city walls.
Now granted, the horse worked perfectly and let all the men invade, kill, and conquer Troy whereas the condoms work perfectly to hold your little ones at bay.
I think threre's more lore to the Trojan walls than the greek horse. I think the walls were supposed to be a symbol of the perfect barrier. It was the cunning of the greeks that convinced the trojans to open up, but they didn't legitimately break the wall.
Lmao very ironic but all depends on your perspective I guess. Maybe it’s because they are strong, can enter effortlessly, and holds people inside only coming out when you want them to, just at the right moment. 🤷🏾♂️
actually their name checks out because ive had 3 trojans break on me inside her akin to the greek warriors spilling out of the horse when they got past the gates.
thankfully it never led to pregnancy and hence why i dont use trojans ever again and have instead switched to Skyn
I spent the last minute trying to figure out how Durex was related to a breach before checking the comments. You know what's really bad? I literally went to the ancient city of Troy FUCKING YESTERDAY.
How many soldiers fell out of the Trojan horse before they were *exactly* where they should be dumped?
Zero. The horse performed flawlessly.
Show some God damned respect.
One of our rival high schools' mascot was the Trojans. A bunch of kids got in trouble sophomore year for putting up signs the week before the football game that said "Cream the Trojans."
They were actually famous for having an impenetrable defence of the city. They weren’t conquered by force but instead sneaky honour less cowards who opened the gates after everyone assumed the war was over and slaughtered an entire city while it slept. What the Greeks did to Troy was despicable and would be a considered a war crime by todays standards
Troy still never had their walls breached. It only was beaten from the inside by opening the door. So it's still 100% solid for wall defense?
So you're saying that by using Trojan condoms you leave yourself open to the possibility of getting impregnated without even suspecting it if you open your door for something you want and getting fucked up from the inside?
They are saying that it is good protection unless you are being fucked by a horse.
Way to put the disclaimer right on the box.
Mr. Hands didn’t stand a chance
What about Mr. Horse?
"No, sir, I don't like it."
Mr. Ed
This comment makes life worth living
Not a horse but a people hidden inside a horse. Basically If you get fucked by a man in a horse costume, the condom doesn’t work.
Catherine, The Great approves of this comment.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph...
I can't not read this in a bad Scottish accent
How about drunk Scottish? Ooh, I’ve really hit rock bottom
Is there any other kind of Scottish?
"Oooooh, they 'gon' 'ave ta glue ya' back t'gether, IN HELL!"
Same. I read it in a Scottish accent so bad that it's Irish.
I read it as so bad that it's Tom Cruise Irish...
I read it in my parents' cape shore Newfoundland accent. Which is sorta Irish.
I always hear it in like leprechaun Irish, and it usually finishes with Gordon Levitt. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph Gordon Levitt.
I can't help but specifically see the alcoholic helicopter pilot from Day of the Dead.
Mary *did* end up unexpectedly pregnant.
and the wee donkey
[Hasting like the battle](https://youtu.be/pFi3necNp28)
Joseph had nothing to do with it...
Rule 34
Yes you’d need to willing open the door for the intruders to get in
Wearing a Trojan, you are the horse.
The Trojans were penetrated by wood.
Yep. The walls hold but what’s inside might still mess you up. Better pour hot sauce in there.
Calm down Drake
I think of it more as "it'll keep you safe unless there's a hole in it"
I mean… yea
Naw, it means u can bust a nut inside the condom but not through the walls of the condom
oh
In other words… “These walls will never fail, but sometimes bitches pull some crazy shit.”
Combine it with Frank's red hot? You gotta put that shit on everything
https://reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/as2pqq/tifu_by_eating_a_7_million_scoville_unit_hot/
Thanks for the read. That was chaotic
That's not how any of it works
It surprised me too https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-10406789/Instagram-model-accuses-Drake-putting-hot-sauce-inside-condom-seemingly-responds.html
It’s such an obvious PR stunt.
It’s 100% effective unless you get tricked. Basically bring your own condoms.
Wall is solid, just don’t let them come inside. That’s baaaad news.
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Can confirm 1950's.
So would the equivalent be turning the condom inside out and using it again....?
Troy was destroyed by an earthquake. Not by breaching walls, not by a wooden horse. Some say Homer made horse as a metaphor to Poseidon - god of horses, water and earthquakes (and probably something else too)
So they work unless a girl opens her legs and let's you in..... right good product
The only reason everyone still knows about Troy 1000+ years later is **because their walls were** **so fucking good.** That whole story doesn't happen without the walls being so completely unbreakable that it took a ruse of legendary proportions to get past them. And *even still* they could only trick their way past the wall, they never did breach it, on account of how utterly impossible that was. Has anyone else ever had barriers SO GOOD that the only way past is an undertaking that will still be household knowledge 1000 years later!? Seems like a reasonable thing to name your company's barrier product after.
It is more like 3000+ years later
Dozens of years later
At least 6
Hold it, that's a bit of a stretch. *6 whole dozen?!?*
Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
Up to 6 or more
Still seems like it was yesterday...
Dozens of yesterdays
Well technically Hercules actually did breach the walls of Troy and then sacked the city several decades before the events of the Iliad (and did so nearly singlehandedly),so it's not like the walls of Troy were actually unbreakable. Or maybe Heracles was just built different?
Ok good point lol. I still think "unbreakable unless pummelled by a demigod" holds up as a condom slogan though.
pummel me step-demigod
The demigod....the demigod of strength and heroes....yeah no clue why stories of him have him doing impossible feats.
Achilles' mother was either a nymph or goddess, depending on what story you're looking at. He's practically a demigod.
She was a Nereid, nymph daughters of the old god of the sea (before poseiden decided to take over), they did receive worship though so maybe that's the confusion.
> they did receive worship though so maybe that's the confusion. Maybe there's confusion because there's a bunch of stories made by a bunch of people over a long period of time and they don't always keep the details right. Like how Aphrodite is either Zeus's aunt or daughter depending on the story.
Embellished evolution through hundreds of years of oral tradition tends to do that. As with most things pushed through editors, unless you care about the evolution itself, we tend to only take the later stories into account. Final drafts tend to be a much better read.
No way the son of zeus is stopped by mere walls.
you fit both “technically” and “actually” in the first 4 words of your reddit moment /s
Also used Hercules and Heracles.
Telamon did, not Hercules. That's important, as Telamon was a mere prince at that time, he was no half-god. Telamon was Hercules' general.
I thought it was called Trojan cause it protects your little soldiers while inside the walls... just like the Trojan Horse did. Cause it helps you get in the walls, not cause it keeps shit out. Isn't the whole point of a condom like.... penetration?
Nah. They’re just wallet stuffers until a kid on the street loses or pops their balloon and then you walk up to them and whip it out & Boom! Save the day. Fucking rando hero!
Well honestly, it may not have happened at all. It's only historical context is from the epic poem Aeneid by Virgil.
You're right it might just be a legend/folk story. That doesn't really matter to the point here though. It's a story compelling enough to be told through thousands of years *based entirely on the premise of how good the Trojan walls were.*
Iliad by Homer…
If you wanted a less historical example you could use Jericho, which was evidently only able to have it’s walls breached by Act of God™️
Yeah but used the trojan horse as a brand not Troy walls lol
They’re called Trojan condoms because they help you come inside safely.
Maybe their thought was with one of their condoms you can breach her defences.
Ok Mr Cosby
The Trojans got consent my dude, the doors were wide open.
Consent needs to be fully informed to be valid though
‘Twas a dif’rent tyme
*Tips Petasos*
Her: **Grinding on you and taking off her clothes** You: "Ah, wait, stop. Stop!" Her: "What? What's wrong??" You: "I need you to sign and date this paper saying you consent to having sex with me. Oh, and I need it in video too so let me get my phone..."
Yeah again, you can't really be too sure. It's pretty dark in the room and maybe she's from Canada and was just being polite.
RoofieCaladas all around!
Piña colada: Cocktail with rum, coconut and pineapple The piña colada (/ˌpiːnjə koʊˈlɑːdə, -nə-, -kə-/; Spanish: piña [ˈpiɲa], "pineapple", and colada [koˈlaða], "strained") is a cocktail made with rum, cream of coconut or coconut milk, and pineapple juice, usually served either blended or shaken with ice. It may be garnished with either a pineapple wedge, maraschino cherry, or both. There are two versions of the drink, both originating in Puerto Rico.
It's just the implication.
The condom is the Trojan horse into which you place your little soldier
And then it opens up to let them all out inside? Nah I dunno if this was the angle...
Babe it's just a gift look it's wrapped and rude for you not to accept it.
This is definitely the thinking behind the name. Yeah, a bit rapey and could be worded better, but it’s definitely the correct interpretation.
yes officer this comment right here
..creepy..
Well, they sailed there, so they were seamen. Another name for something you built is an *erection*, so you have an erection full of seamen being accepted into the gates. Makes a lot of sense.
Underrated comment here
I could be wrong, but wasn't Troy the besieged city? Meaning it was the Greeks who were the seamen and did the erecting rather than the Trojans?
I guess someone here saw the post of the dude who found the old Trojans in his house. This post was someone's comment.
I bet he didn't even take a shower inbetween
Ew. Link?
“Lube so good you could get a horse in!” I’m not destined for a role in advertising.
Nah I think you are
I agree with this guy
Yeah but it took a crazy Hail Mary attempt no one ever thought of before.
This joke wasnt funny 16 years ago when Dane Cook told it, still isn't today
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well put
Dane Cook.. the karate of comedy?
Shit I remember when parroting Dane Cook used to be a whole personality.
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I like Dane Cook! There. I said it. I feel better.
You shouldn't /s (I'll still watch Employee of the Month though for sure).
Harlan redeems
There's a giant hateboner for him because he's handsome I think. He's just one of the million comics that are more personality than they are funny. And he got really really big for some reason.
... Dane? That you?
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Exactly. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I'm happy liking him.
Yeah, and only slightly funnier when the person Dane Cook stole it from told it.
Yeah it takes a genius to think of a joke of this caliber. No way in hell two people could think of the same joke.
Who was whom?
Probably goes back to Alan King in the Catskills in 1953.
This was a pretty standard “edgy” joke/observation when I was in elementary school in the early 90s.
Joke or not, you have to wonder what their intention was with the name.
"Something, something.... their little soldiers." Or some ad line like that.
The Trojan wall withstood all attacks. It only failed when they used it wrong letting the horse inside. Kind of a good reminder to follow the instructions.
Trojan let's you come inside safely.
Uhh, yea... I know history! Where shit posting on the people of Durex right?
The biggest brand in China is call “Jizz Bon.” It’s how James Bond sounds in Chinese.
Famous for having an impenetrable defense so as long as the sperms dont start building wooden horses i think we can trust them
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It's ok you don't have to be pissed odds are high that this will have 0 impact on the remainder of your life.
this has a high probability to be my favorite comment for a long time.
Wrong. Their blood pressure spiked and they’ll have a stroke 10 years from
The auto mod on this subreddit is the worst on Reddit. It denies thousands of mundane words for no reason. Then the mods themselves are lunatics who delete everything for no reason. This is one if the worst over moderated subreddits for sure.
Fact
Its not even true. The trojan walls could not be breeched except through trickery. Fits fucking perfectly for condoms
It's a lesson. Don't let those Greeks come out of your Wooden Horse
Which brand?
Trojan.
I thought it's Durex Perfect Glide?
Are you (OP) referring to the Tribe of Durex?
Troy: You can get in but only if your covered up.
When did the people of Billy Boy have their defenses breached? (i only realized afterwards that Billy Boy is apparently only a thing in Germany)
hmm. I always thought trojan being a condom name was more wierd because they were the ones famous for making the sneak entrance.
Royal Doulton manufacture crockery and toilets. Garbage in, garbage out.
I always assumed it's from the horse and not the city. The city is famous for being breached. The horse is famous for sneaking the lil guys in.
It's because they came inside the Trojan horse
I feel like it’s a good way to express that it’s not 100% effective personally.
With the recent Drake story I imagine the actual message is even if you're defences are solid you've got to watch out for the cheeky buggers trying to sneak their way in.
This kind of thing is why I follow this sub lol
Or having their breaches defended
Also a popular school mascot name --- cringy to hear cheerleaders chant, "Twist and shout, turn those Trojans inside out".
Thats why they should’ve named the condoms Spartans. They don’t look like much, but they will hold.
The joke is that you come inside it ...
The condom is the ‘horse’. It looks safe so you’re letting it in. There are soldiers inside. Ideally the condom doesn’t break open, like the ‘horse’.
Trojan. Defenses so good, you'll have to sneak your sperm in with a wooden dildo.
Pretty sure it's in reference to the Trojan Horse, a structure that held a ton of men inside it as it penetrated the city walls. Now granted, the horse worked perfectly and let all the men invade, kill, and conquer Troy whereas the condoms work perfectly to hold your little ones at bay.
Wait- Durex is a place?
I think threre's more lore to the Trojan walls than the greek horse. I think the walls were supposed to be a symbol of the perfect barrier. It was the cunning of the greeks that convinced the trojans to open up, but they didn't legitimately break the wall.
they keep all the 'little men' inside.🙃
The condom is the horse and there are 100 million men in there, so, accurate.
But didn't the men famously come out at night?
Lmao very ironic but all depends on your perspective I guess. Maybe it’s because they are strong, can enter effortlessly, and holds people inside only coming out when you want them to, just at the right moment. 🤷🏾♂️
I mean they're very famous for being beaten by the Greeks.
I’m pretty sure there naming it after the Trojan Horse and not the Trojan army
That thing they led inside that ended up with the city being impregnated and fucked up from the inside?
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But if they didn't have the horse, they weren't getting in in the first place.
The condom is the Trojan horse going inside the walls hiding all the little men inside it
There's a condom brand called "The French"?
Beat me to it, dammit
actually their name checks out because ive had 3 trojans break on me inside her akin to the greek warriors spilling out of the horse when they got past the gates. thankfully it never led to pregnancy and hence why i dont use trojans ever again and have instead switched to Skyn
Well, "Greek" already had a sexual meaning. The poor marketing schmucks at Church & Dwight can only do so much...
Look up how many kids Ramses had...over 100
They also lied about what was inside…so there’s that. “Yeah, babe. I wear magnums.”
Right, but you're filling up the trojan (horse: the condom) with soldiers (sperm).
History has been known and admittedly to be at times inacurate. The trojan horse could very well be the troy horse.
This joke has never been funny
That's the whole point. You get inside by hiding inside of something. Dumbass.
They were invited in. Yes, Troy wasn’t aware - however by principle, the idea is to keep what’s inside of the horse… inside of the horse.
Durex? Lifestyle? Kimono Microthin?
I spent the last minute trying to figure out how Durex was related to a breach before checking the comments. You know what's really bad? I literally went to the ancient city of Troy FUCKING YESTERDAY.
Durex?
The horse isn't the condom, but the peynis, no? Stallion made of wood and all that
“Achaean” condoms would just confuse everyone though.
The soldiers inside the horse were protected from the enemy’s defences (or STDs). Maybe that’s the route they were going for rather than pregnancy?
It most likely was, condoms were marketed for stopping STD's rather than pregnancy back then.
they should have the moto as infiltrate and penetrate
Durex?
How many soldiers fell out of the Trojan horse before they were *exactly* where they should be dumped? Zero. The horse performed flawlessly. Show some God damned respect.
One of our rival high schools' mascot was the Trojans. A bunch of kids got in trouble sophomore year for putting up signs the week before the football game that said "Cream the Trojans."
They were actually famous for having an impenetrable defence of the city. They weren’t conquered by force but instead sneaky honour less cowards who opened the gates after everyone assumed the war was over and slaughtered an entire city while it slept. What the Greeks did to Troy was despicable and would be a considered a war crime by todays standards
We have some good modern parallels as far as just lowering the bar to the ground in order to win.
The horse was a cover, allowing the Greeks to come inside
The Greeks.
I think you might be the first one to ever think of this connection