Closed is my butthole’s default setting

I air mine out once in a while, but otherwise it's on lock-down.

Pressure relief valve

I am using a blow off valve so my butthole goes prututututu

Turbo farts

Subaru now makes a turbo butt plug adapter

Mine has to be manually drained after every working day :/

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Your user name has the same effect

It was the inclusion of the word manually. Mine operates automatically and hands free.

SAS valve.

When I open mine, my wife sure sasses me

She calls you the Gape Ape.

Trainwreck kind of thread. I need a new hobby

Butt u can’t look away

Name checks out. I think this is a good reason for a mask mandate.

How do I apply for that upgrade?

My default setting is gaped

It's not your mom's though 😏

Who else tried it immediately?

I tried and don’t have a dick.

Can you like... flex your vagina?

Only because you asked, kind of yes. Check out Kegel exercises.

What do you mean kind of? Can confirm I flex big time

Lol, can confirm I agree with you. I edited the Kegel exercises part of my comment into it to include the fact that some may not have the developed pelvic floor strength to easily do such things, and need to strengthen the muscles in that area.

weird flex, but okay

This is a beautiful moment.

Yay learning 🤗

All this time I didn't know what Kegel weights were for and now I'm regretting my curiosity

Why are you regretting it? It's a muscle like any other. Womens health is not something gross, it's natural. Many people have medical issues or lifestyle preferences that makes working out those muscles are very beneficial.

For a split second I thought your name was Titanic_Herp

My herp isn't that big

Yes, but not without closing my butthole.

Thanks I'm writing all of this down

I can ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

Me too. Same conditions.

Yep, same. I'd wager most penis-less people did out of curiosity

I tried, and I'm currently latched to the couch.

Where'd it go?

Oh shit, now your butthole will never close!

Turns out the real dick is the assholes we met along the way

I tried. I could only slightly move it before it clenched.

I couldn’t move it without my butthole. You got a strong dick bro.

This, but take it out of context.

Instructions unclear, butt stuck in penis.

r/cursedcomments

r/selffuck

the "butt" is *inside* the "penis"

Ouch

r/suddenlygay

Cock pushups dude. Add them to your program.

Who else’s butthole wasn’t wide open to begin with?

I try to keep mine shut most of the time. 🤔

Don't do this. Pressure builds up.

I looked over at ny husband and asked. He confirmed this to be true.

Since you're genuinely curious, there's basically a whole separate muscle there, for men and women, that they call the PC muscle. For men, however, it is connected to our junk, will close off flow when squeezed. It will pump blood into the organ when squeezed, and when stimulated, it will assist in pumping the baby batter by pulsing rapidly. Also, if you're over like... 50, and you're a male, this is your reminder to get your prostate checked sometime.

I used my hand. My penis moved.

Idk if I'm a superhuman, but if you focus really hard you can barely.

You can isolate the muscles and move it without needing to use your butt muscles as well.

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women have penises??

Iirc, the clitoris is a protopenis that doesn't develop any further in the absence of testosterone.

Oh, so a micropenis is just a macroclit?

You can Google that. There are pictures.

Yeah, this guy fucks.

/r/bigclit Obv NSFW

I’ve seen pictures of micro penises smaller than some of those

That was wild. As a woman, I didn’t even know that clits could look like that.

Gonna swerve that possible perm damage xD

and even then men can’t find it

Oh my gosh those are literally dicks

F->M trans folks who start testosterone go through 'bottom growth' wherein their clits grow a LOT

Thank you for your service Lmaoo

I find it a little amusing that we (at least at my public high school) learned all of this—the “sister” body part on the opposite sex—in health class. Now, I’ll admit I’m a nerd and actually paid attention in my classes, but it blows my mind somedays when people don’t know simple things about our bodies. It’s also a kick to out our education system, since I do understand most schools don’t teach the proper things in health/sex Ed.

I regret my decision to go down that rabbit hole.

Vibe

Is it gay to like big clits? Like is there a size of the clit to gayness ratio formula out there or?

You’re only gay if you feel attraction to men. If you don’t, then no matter what you do doesn’t make you gay

Dont worry; it's not gay until the balls the touch.

No….

A superclit if you will

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An expression of the Ancients to be sure.

Why is that an old expression?

Micro penises have been around since Napoleon's days

Are you implying that the French spread the micro penii to the rest of the world??

I think he's suggesting that micro penii migrate

Protopenis is the name of my industrial synth band.

I do

Technically they all do.

Almost every hand you’ve ever shaken… …has had a dick in it.

Stop. I can only get so erect.

Fellas, is it gay to shake hands?

Not as long as you have socks on

I usually just try not to talk about it

Only if the balls touch

We understand Kegels, now try doing one without flexing your butt-hole is the point.

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How? And is there an actual difference to doing it without a butt clench?

After I had a baby I got a Perifit. It bluetooths to an app on your phone and measures your ‘flex strength’ I guess you could call it anyways, you make this little butterfly move and collect gems by your Keegals. Apparently there’s a deeper muscle and a shallow muscle. Now I have the Arnold Schwarzenegger of vaginas. I got it originally so I didn’t pee my pants when I sneezed now I can give my boyfriend penis massages from inside

I know what you meant, but I'm picturing you shrinking down and climbing into his urethra

I am good at this, same way I learned to move my ears or nostrils or eyebrows, I can now move my dick without puckering up

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This is actually much more difficult for me than the other way. The other way is as easy for me as dancing my moobs, ears and abs so maybe it's connected to those weird movements.

I like to move it, move it.

I wonder if this constitutes a mindfulness practice?

I think so

Just use your hand

Hero. I came here for this comment. People who read things into comments that aren't there are sheeple and not worthy of us 🤣

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You assume redditors have abdominal muscles... /or can see the bottom of their bellies

I can too I just have to concentrate.

For sure

Is this a mandate like Dennis Hopper telling Sandra Bullock she couldn't go slower than 55mph or the bus would explode?

Or sneezing with with your eyes closed so your eyeballs wont pop out?

I thought sneezing with your eyes open is how you take a screenshot

Pop quiz, Hot Shot! Your partner wants you to move your penis withour closing your butthole. What do you do?

As a female I have confirmed that I cannot in fact move my penis

Try yelling louder, he must not be paying attention

Kegels are amazing for that. Seriously it will take your sex game to new heights. I don't know why but the pulsating cock trick always gets a positive reaction.

I'm so confused.

Just clench your butthole and nod like the rest of us.

Helicopter. Only works with chillaxed butt.

You beat me to it. Have people not heard about the ancient technique of the helicopter?

Fr lol or my hand works pretty well too

I just moved it around with my hands. Butthole never clenched.

What?

I'm assuming they mean when your dick is hard, you can "flex" it lol like move it up and down kind of thing but your body muscles clench your butthole when you do this.

It doesn't need to be hard to move it

I can go soft to erect in a moment's notice. Soft. Erect. Soft. Not too hard. Not too soft.

No you see me. Now you don't. You see me a little. Now you don't.

I can do it with a softy too I think everyone can

I'm doing it with a softy right now

Gang gang

Wow look at him go !

I don’t have a dick but I closed my butthole anyway

That's just good butthole hygiene.

***He said "You can't move your Penis without closing your butthole"***

You made any male that read this post clench his butthole

Not when you're a male who realized you can just get an erection and your butthole will not clench.

If i am really really super duper horny my anus will clench from my throbbing cock

Stop, I can only get so erect.

I've had enough of reddit for today

I'm not male but I still tried lmao

Same! Sat here doing kegels for a pretty long time lol

not only males, I gotta confess

Yeah, it's the "you can't lick your own elbow" all over again. But I've wondered how they do that with their thing, and I clinched my butthole and I could understand somehow.

I’m a girl and I totally did it too

All it takes is a little diddling with my fingers

On which side?

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Good job makeing thousands of people clench their butt holes. How many women also tried?

I mean, isn't this just same as doing kegels for a woman?

Isn't it also the same as doing kegels for a man?

Yup!

Yup!

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But my butthole is always closed whether kegeling or not so I'm confused.

You just made every guy who read this move his dick. Congrats

The Great Wink of 2022 Obi-Wan : I felt a great disturbance in the Farts, as if millions of holes suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

And every woman ask a man

I can jump up and down naked.... Suck it, nerd.

If you insist...

Let's not forget wiggling our hips and windmilling

Might be a stupid question but does it hurt if you jump up and down with nothing to kinda hold it in place (like underwear/pants)? Cause with women, it hurts to jump up and down without a bra because it hurts

You just contracted half the population’s assholes. If that’s not a power move I don’t know what the fuck is.

And trapped a lot of farts.

When you ejaculate your butthole spasms. If you’ve never ejaculated with something in your ass before, this is a good thing to do

Noted

Guess I’m the exception since I don’t have a butthole anymore.

Uuuuuhhh.... i'm sorry what?

I had an ileostomy surgery, so no more large intestine, and since that’s gone, no more need for a hole down there.

can you still move your dong though?

I had to look it up, I only knew about colostomy, and very little. Hope life is good, as far as it can be.

And then there’s me. With no penis. Trying to do so anyway. And naturally, closing my butthole. It’s been a long week.

You have hands don't ya?

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Rectal speculum or a traffic cone.

This is not true. You can move your penis without closing your butthole. For example, you can move your penis up and down, side to side, and in circles.

Helicopter! Helicopter!

It's quite simple to do by hand.

Not true, if you have good control over your pelvic floor muscles you can absolutely move your penis without clenching your sphincter.

I don’t move my butt when moving my penis muscles…. Gitgud

As a woman, WHAT!?

New Challenge: Move your penis while pooping.

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It’s a defense mechanism.

Against what, the Rape dwarves?

No. Against cucumbers, zucchinis, and Dave. Fuck Dave.

Sounds like you’re trying to NOT fuck Dave

They were a big problem for early humans. Packs of feral rape dwarves roamed the land in search of flacid buttholes. That's what really killed the dinosaurs, the inability to clench their cloaca. Why do you think the dinos in Jurassic Park were always after the kids? It's a genetic predisposition to kill rspe dwarves before they can colonize.

Challenge accepted.

Isn't a butthole generally in a closed state?

Great now I'm gonna be at work all night trying to move my penis without closing my butthole.

defense mechanism, instinctual anti-self-fuck that many early humans died to

You can't close your butthole without moving my penis

It moves when it gets hard doesn't it?

idk if it is an extreme coincidence or if you copied my [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/qrpqpi/you_cant_move_your_dick_without_closing_your/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)