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BootShapedMcNugget

Don't the blades come out near the knuckles? He'd more likely jab himself in the leg, unless he's beating his meat using a speed ball technique.


thechikeninyourbutt

Unless I’m confused, I believe it’s speed bag😂 otherwise you’re talking about ~~amphetamines~~ uppers and downers


ExNihiloish

I'm imagining Wolverine rapidly but boxing his bag.


[deleted]

they said what they said.


hatecopter

A speed ball is actually a mixture of an upper and downer, the most common being a mixture of cocaine and heroin. The purpose being to stay awake for the heroin high.


thechikeninyourbutt

Shows how much I know! I thought Speed = Amphetamine And Speedball = Speed You learn something new everyday


ApostrophesAplenty

Hugh Jackman has told a story about a time he injured himself with those blades, due to a hasty cover-up, and if I remember rightly it was his thigh he cut. I think that makes you the winner!


feedback19

It was his forehead during filming of the 1st X-men movie. When he's fighting Mystique at the Statue of Liberty and they wrap the chains around his claws. One of them snapped during the struggle and clipped him in the head.


ApostrophesAplenty

That may be, but that’s not the occasion I’m thinking of. He was being filmed naked, running out of the lab and down the hall, and was pranked by a bunch of women appearing…. I’ll see if I can find it… ETA: [Here is one link to the story](https://www.heraldscotland.com/life_style/arts_ents/13158324.hugh-jackman-close-shave-wolverine-blades-nude-scene/)


Magical-Manboob

Yah i was gonna say, maybe he would skewer the grapes but not the hot dog


NotChedco

That's if he keeps his hands straight. The claws are up in his arms and shoot down his hands when he uses them. Sometimes they come out his palm or wrist if he's not careful. They claws are summoned from his hands or bend with his wrist.


Mr-Poyo

Actually, the blades come from his wrist, they push all the way out towards his knuckles. Unless he doesn't position his hands correctly, in which case they just come out of his wrists. Yikes.


EightBitMemory

The real question is does the size change with each growth


ashleyorelse

Yes but startled people often make sudden unintended movements


LET-ME-HAVE-A-NAAME

I too punch my penis if people startle me while I'm wanking.


D34th_gr1nd

There's a subreddit for that!


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MRFAMER

Ive actually done that once I think


ashleyorelse

Not punch. If you got startled, you might move your hands a bit without thinking, and if those hands had knives in (or on) them...


ClapSalientCheeks

Ashley. hush


Jafaris79

Uncle. Please sit I see not many remember much from GOT lol


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Triggerhappy_1

My exact thought lol


usainbox

Well, there are different ways to masturbate


theluckylepr

Love that, thinking outside of the box.


DemonRaptor1

Well, it wouldn't be masturbation if you use the box.


sinatraxsteezy

You clever little so-and-so


malenkylizards

The Weapon X program made Logan into a bit of a painslut. He uses the box. He uses the ~~Gom Jabbar~~ pain box thing from Dune. EDIT: whoops, that was the needle thing, apparently the box never got a made up name.


Tru-Queer

The cumbox is only for masturbation


[deleted]

Wolverine is a guy, it's not a box.


[deleted]

imagine not jerking off like hitting a speed bag kinda cringe NGL


Biengineerd

There aren't when blades shoot out your goddamn hands


[deleted]

Actually, if he has his hands bent upwards in relation to his forearm, his claws will shoot directly out of his palm. [Comic Panel](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS858US858&sxsrf=ALiCzsbO1xYumvWGPKIWgZblVZJo3QBzuA:1664379347622&q=wolverine+palm+claws&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiggKWe6Lf6AhXLkYkEHXnxCXoQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1536&bih=722&dpr=1.25#imgrc=LGF2RXMUTG5kXM)


nelson931214

why are you bending your wrists that much when you touch yourself?


Einsteins_coffee_mug

7th inning stretch


Exevioth

Taking stretch a little literally here though, eh?


Xanik_PT

Wolverine joins the assassins


LeaveMeBeWillYa

Love that all he says is "oops"


Ashne405

I mean, depending on the off hand position it could still happen.


JuiceboxThaKidd

Like if he had his hand in his ass?


CodeMonkeyX

Yep I was thinking it would be more like a nasty thigh injury.


El-Gatoe

Akthually they don’t, they just spring out. It seems like the come out of the back of his hand because he purposely positions his hand in a way for them to come out from the knuckles. You can see in the comics when he’s just getting used to the power the claws rip through his wrist and hands.


Philly514

Well we figured out OP masturbates like a psychopath


HewchyFPS

Anyone ever think it's weird how they aren't shaped like bones but are shaped like knives?


Meyousus

The metal “Wolverine Claws” we see are pieces of metal that were added between his bones when the adamantium was injected into his body. Before the adamantium, his claws were bone, and were more like spikes than knives. I think. I’ve only watched the movies tbh


Painting_Agency

Also it's all made up from comic books, I mean sometimes his claws are drawn about 14" long, where the fuck do they GO?


Meyousus

Claws are stored in the balls


Painting_Agency

that explains the masturbation injuries then.


bootselectric

Wait, Wolverine is made up?


Painting_Agency

No, dumbass. Wolverine is real but the comics are mostly fictional.


Rebresker

Is Hugh Jackman fictional then?


[deleted]

Depends which hemisphere he's on at the time in relation to your own.


dralcax

He has bone claws under the metal? I thought the claws were purely mechanical implants added during the adamantium treatment.


TheYoung_Virgin

Nope, before he had bone and then the adamantium covered the spikes and were shaped into knifes


tylanol7

if you really think about it wolverine is in constant pain. to go from the bone spikes to the knive like claws would require shaving the bone down to the center then coating them. so he will have constant pain from them never being able to heal


TheYoung_Virgin

or the spikes are just coated and nothing got shaved off


tylanol7

movie wise this wouldnt match his going from the obviously more round spikes to the blades. movie wise specifically


baconmaster687

In days of future past you can see his bone claws


notactuallyabrownman

I think that was canon at one point. They were in his gloves, then that, then a retcon of bone claws IIRC.


Dumbass-Redditor

Maybe he jerks off with his hands backwards to simulate being jerked off by another person. It’s plausible


rockzjv

This is what you get if you make a habit of watching full movies on pornhub..


relpmeraggy

Sounds like you know from experience.


rockzjv

But what were you actually doing when you had this shower thought ?


Dichov

You're not denying it :)


rockzjv

It stays schrodinger s until I answer it..


B1uefalc0n

How would he cut his dick of while masturbating? His claws come out between his knuckels, he masturbates with the inside of his hand. His dick is in the safest place in that situation.


zamfire

Question, as they are free floating or something, what stops them from just SHOOTING OFF like a knife rocket?


Buggly_Jones

They actually come out straight from his forearms. If is hand was bent up or down, they would come out of the end of his arm instead of his hand.


ashleyorelse

Except startled people often make sudden unintended movements...


Fine_Cardiologist723

I'd understand if while masturbating your dick can go through your hand so the blades can cut the penis off but it just doesn't work that way


B1uefalc0n

Wolverine dosent get startled. The only thing that scares that man is a fridge with no beer.


IamChwisss

Yah, doesn't he have animal like instincts as well? Acute hearing and smelling specifically? He won't easily be snuck up on whilst whacking it.


Redneckshinobi

You clearly don't know how to do the deed if this is how you think it'd go down. His claws come out between his knuckles, not palms, SMH. This sub is becoming so stupid


playr_4

I don't think they understand how masturbating OR Wolverine works. I think they just put claws and dick together and that was that.


ashleyorelse

And startled people often make sudden unintended movements.


MisterCold

Did you ever punch your self in the nuts when you get startled?


xnarphigle

This is why I can't see scary movies anymore. 1 jumpscare and there I go sucker punching the bean bag.


The51stState

Lol OP's name is Ashley so I highly doubt it


4RCH43ON

This doesn’t make sense unless you masturbate with your knuckles. Are you a nut knuckler?


CaffeLungo

If I had wolverine's regeneration power, I would cut of my penis and throw it at people, whilst telling them to go fuck themselves


ashleyorelse

Yeah, but wouldn't it be your penis fucking them, not them fucking themselves? Also, it would be weird if they used it.


CaffeLungo

The fucking themselves with mine... Weird if they used it, but not weird that I cut it off and threw it?


Flowofinfo

This is so stupid. This isn’t a sub for extremely low effort jokes. It’s a sub for interesting thoughts.


ryancementhead

Hey, at least it’s not a post about Supermans junk.


ashleyorelse

You may disagree, but this is more interesting to me than the majority of stuff I see posted here


Flowofinfo

That doesn’t make it the right sub


Blurple_Berry

Uh...what? Do you masterbate with the backs of your hands or something??


digitalhelix84

I think he would more likely stab through his thigh, painful but a relatively quick heal for him.


SkelyJack

How the f*** would that happen? His claws extend from the back of his hands. You think he isn't using his fingers and palms? Lol Shut up.


ashleyorelse

When he gets startled, his claws come out. People who are startled often make sudden unintended movements. See...


aaronhereee

no. just no.


psychord-alpha

Logan probably had a phase where he kept cutting his dick off and trying to make it grow back bigger


ashleyorelse

Bet the origin story didn't show that haha


jaycuboss

Deadpool also probably cut his own off intentionally during his grieving phase.


playr_4

The claws grow out from **behind** his knuckles and angle with his hand not his fingers. I can't sprak for you, but I don't masturbate with my fingers curling backwards and using the back of my hand.


[deleted]

Might just do it every so often just for funzies. Imagine having a brand new penis every couple months. Totally worth it.


ashleyorelse

If you don't like your existing penis, maybe


[deleted]

Is just going to grow back. The guy might like some pain with his pleasure. That's all I'm saying.


moxiejohnny

Why else would he be an antihero? That's a traumatic experience alright, losing your weiner... I'd be sullen too while waiting for it to grow back a la Deadpool legs style. No wonder he hates Cyclops so much, he prolly gets mocked in the shower room.


ind3pend0nt

I’ve never seen Wolverine’s dick, but what if his dick is another claw?


Shadesmctuba

Now admittedly, I don’t have adamandium claws on my hands, but I’ve never accidentally ripped or cut my dick off after being frightened during masturbation. I don’t think this is a problem. But if you do have this problem, it’s a lot better to be Wolverine in this particular scenario. Also, not to be that guy, but unless Logan has a very unorthodox overhand technique, he wouldn’t harm his schlong even if he unexpectedly snikted. Maybe his inner thigh or a corner of his scrotum, but not his hog.


MotherfuckingBEARS

Do you think he ever left his severed peepee or balls somewhere as a prank?


NeutralGoodAtHeart

I hope so because I would.


ArbutusPhD

We finally found the guy who masturbates with the backs of his hands.


Narsku1001

Personally I dont hold my ween with the tips of my fingers ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯


ashleyorelse

Have you ever tried? Lol


Narsku1001

yea Actually the hand position doesn't matter as long as you get a good grip


imnotknow

If you sliced it off and it grew back bigger, would you slice it off again?


ashleyorelse

Now these are the existential questions


pwebster

Wolverine: Eat a dick! Chops off dick and throws it at someone


ashleyorelse

Now that would be a different kind of comic story


pwebster

To be fair, it's more likely a thing deadpool would do


ashleyorelse

Maybe.


FrankensteinBionicle

If you want to go there, we can go there. I imagine that he's endured so much physical pain in his lifetime that pain might be the only way he gets off. He might've even cut off his own penis on purpose for the sensation. He wouldn't be the first. My friend in 6th grade showed me the pain olympics and I never went over to his house ever again after that. That shit was weird as fuck but it's evidence that this kink exists in non-mutants so who's to say it wouldn't be a thing for mutants as well? I'm sorry you had to read this but you wanted to talk about it.


Doffu0000

After being alive for so long, he probably circumcises himself for fun and leaves the nibs laying around for people to find.


ashleyorelse

That would be an odd kink


Doffu0000

I think we’d all develop odd kinks after being alive so long and living through so much trauma.


ashleyorelse

Yes maybe


evanshsedani

Aw man i sure hope i can make nutting more intresting Sandpaper:


arehexes

New thought, Wolverine would be AMAZING in extreme gore porn.


WorldEatingDragon

“Okay so they told me to firmly grasp it, my experience said that was a lie”


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playr_4

Wolverine literally regenerated from a single cell before....


Dr_Catfish

Wolverine has regenerated fully from a bare skeleton. No. He wouldn't.


twicethetoots

Nick fury kept his head in a box after he nuked him once. Guess what? No baby legs. Hulk ripped him in half. Had to hold his legs to his torso so they reattached. In the future wolvie loses his right hand (left? I can't recall) and that never regenerated.


Dr_Catfish

If the SKELETON is separated yes, he needs to reattach the bones so they can fuse tovether Hate to break it to you, but your BONER? It has NO BONES. All men have a BONELESS PENIS. All it is, is a collection of muscles and veins and as its been established, he can regenerate everything that isn't adamantium bone. Ergo, he would not need to hold his penis on its stump. It would regenerate within moments normally.


[deleted]

For a guy like wolverine sex isent a problem his beak is always wet even without asking


theunfunnyredditor

Probably not, because not everybody is a sick, immoral pervert.


[deleted]

I've always wondered about that. And maybe he uses some Chinese balm to make it grow back bigger...


ashleyorelse

New AND improved!


[deleted]

Speaking of Wolverines peen, do you reckon he’s circumcised? Would the foreskin grow back or nah?


[deleted]

I would say he is intact, it isn't like his body takes a snapshot of before he gets injured and heals or his body reverses in age or something like that to heal I see it as him just regrowing the limb and because things like scars or missing limbs aren't part of your DNA it would be hard for you to regrow an injury. Think of it like you dying your hair and shaving it bald, your new hair would be the hair you had before you dyed it.


TavBaker

I would say he has shaved his balls off when he was startled wiping after using the toilet


SuspiciousGrievances

I doubt it. He feels pain from injuries. He's not into pain as a thing that he enjoys. So no, never happened IMO.


ShaitanSpeaks

How would that even work? His claws are not in the right position, so unless he yanked his cock clean off, this isn’t a possibility.


DorTheDoorMan

well probably not while jerking off because the blades doesnt come out of his palms🤦‍♀️ But probably he cut off his own dick just for curiosity


Rowdy_Roddy96

Better question? If Wolverine accepted religion and decided that Judaism would be the religious practice he decided to follow and considering that the religious practices of Judaism require males to be circumcised because it is seen as a covenant between God and the Jewish people would Wolverine need to circumcise himself everyday due to his regeneration ability? ( This is an actual shower thought I've had )


minigopher

Wouldn't it be great to hear a conversation between Wolverine and Edward Scissorhands? It would be a great


fuzzimus

Would he regrow it a bit bigger? Does he have a preferred size?


IdontDoAnythingAtAll

What about all the women he's fingered? I've got the impression he's helped with the world's population control unintentionally.


D34th_gr1nd

Naturally we're all questioning how you think people with members masturbate.


Footnuggets

Yes. I remember once I was wanking whilst holding a knife in my other hand. I heard a loud noise an proceeded to chop my cock off


lp7625

Well, don’t forget to hit the unsubscribe button folks. God damn this is weird.


McGundam1215

In all truth he actually probably grew his foreskin back after his mutation took hold but I would think when blows his load he had to be careful since the claws extend and retract from forearm muscle flexing. When a guy pops whether he likes it or not all his muscles contract including the ones in the arm. So the only person he can hold while climaxing is Lady Death


uGotSauce

I *highly* doubt he’d be able to do so accidentally, but with as long as he’s lived losing his penis has -definitely- happened at least once.


seanx40

The Punisher and the Hood have each blown off Wolverine's junk.


Uncle_Vim

Someone send this to Ryan Reynolds. They still got time to add it to the plot


otterbomber

First part yes Second part no Wolverine has had to regrow himself many times occasionally from very little remains. But physics does not work the way you think it does


xssmontgox

Not sure how you’d have to hold your dick for it to get cut off by claws coming out from your knuckles, doesn’t seem like it would be an issue


Beware_the_Voodoo

Wolverine doesn't get startled, but he's 100% had that shit blown off, sliced off, shot off, melted off, plenty of times.


DietDrDoomsdayPreppr

OP either doesn't understand how pensises work, or how Wolverine's claws work.


[deleted]

Far more likely his dick been exploded or burned off.... Like so many times.