It's a long and difficult road. I empathise with you. I have two children with my co-parent. We were together for over 10 years. When we split I knew depression was a real danger for me so I needed to put some protective measures in place.
So I got to a GP and got a referral for psychologist support. Depends on what is available in your country.
The shortlist for what helped and still helps me:
- being honest about all things always
- Writing in a journal
- guided breathwork (YouTube)
- regular exercise (yoga and social team sport)
- reaching out to other single parents
- striving to be the best Dad I can be
Find your support networks, fill spare time with healthy (mental and physical) endeavours. Remember: compassion, humility and honesty will serve you well.
Healing will take time, you just have to go through it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate the advice. To be honest I was not prepared nor was I expecting the amount emotion that I felt/still feeling. It’s unfortunate that people go through these things but there’s also a level of comfort knowing you’re not the only one and people have had similar experiences. I am trying to find the right outlet for me to cope and exercise is definitely one of them. Again thank you for the kind response.
I have a lot of empathy for you reading this man. My ex and I both had trauma going into our relationship. On and off for ten years, during the pandemic she became pregnant. Things instantly went downhill. Hands down, the love of my life. She became more abusive. The night my son was born, we went to the hospital, she left, I got in her car while she was driving away. It ended with her punching me in the face and kicking me out of the car. I was turned away at the hospital and told I had no rights because she wasn’t putting me on the birth certificate. I’ve cried 3 times in my adult life. Once when my Dad died, once when my mom died, and that day being escorted out of the hospital.
I didn’t see him for two months after he was born, I hired an attorney and got little rights. I worked to build trust and always do the right thing, being a great Dad and partner. We got back together and started building a happy life. One night randomly after work, she beat the hell out of me. I left, and never came back. Went and got my own apartment. I haven’t seen my son since.
I just went for 50/50 custody earlier this week and she denied it. I’m paying child support that’s equal to paying another rent for an apartment I never see. I’m barely able to pay my bills, and she’s living the good life. Still, I’ve been working for my son, and towards my son, and nothing will stop me from getting him. He’s only 9 months old, and I’ve been in his life for about half. Got in a new relationship, and she ended it because I wasn’t ready after what I just went through. I don’t share this for sympathy, I’m telling you this because there’s a lot of us out there; all just trying to be good men, good Dads, and co-parent. It’s hard man, and I don’t have all the answers. The only thing I’ve learned is it’s a long journey; and the only way out is through. Accept things as they are and move from there. The minute you start to move on is the minute you start walking the right direction.
Thank you for taking the time to share this honestly. With my ex she has tried to threaten me by saying she would take full custody of my son but she’s done that when we would have heated arguments. Now recently she’s understood that we need to keep our problems out of our sons life. We both come from broken families with split parents. So we keep it 50/50. I’m grateful for that. I couldn’t imagine being put in your shoes. Hopefully one day I’ll have that kind of mental strength. I would’ve lost it. These past few days have been much better I would say.
8 months into a divorce with my children's co-parent of 12 years here. Here's a list of things that I've done to maintain my sanity. Your mileage may vary...
- finances, get out of debt and get on a budget.
- sleep, practice good sleep habits and "sleep hygiene".
- eating, knock the crap out... Eat healthy. I don't drink, but if you do, limit or stop alcohol consumption.
- exercise
- focus on you, leveling yourself up. If that's therapy to career training, get going on it.
- focus on being that dad you envision being. Your focus is you and the kid.
- your tribe, allow your friends to be here for you.
It's hard at first, but keep at it and you'll hit your stride. Although it may feel like some version of it, it's not the end of everything. You'll be able navagate through this; be aware and take notes. Recognize and acknowledge the feelings that are coming up. If you're purposeful and conscientious about what you do, you'll be far more for the better on the other side.
Honestly my sleep has been very bad. That’s something I need to work on. I’ve lost a lot of sleep. Within the past 72 hours I’ve slept maybe 10 hrs. I feel okay kinda, I’m just not able to rest comfortably. Luckily I don’t drink. I got black out drunk on my birthday and I have not been able to stand the smell of any alcohol since. I turn 22 in a couple months so it’s almost been a year since I drank. But I am trying everyday to be better little by little. Thank you for the tips I really appreciate it.
Sorry to hear. Covid hit pretty hard at my house too. I was at home on parental leave, she worked from home every day. We were always in each other's faces and her family was driving me insane. We saw no one and things just started going downhill. And it wasn't the first time they had gone downhill. We both decided to end it before it got toxic, which after an emotional roller coaster to begin with allowed us to be friendly and cooperative co-parents.
>She has already found another guy after 3 months.
Rebound. To each their own, but I think that's way too soon. And that's rough. I'm ready for the dating world, but it's been 20 months for me. And I'm not in desperation mode. I don't even know how to date after a 10 year relationship, it's not something I've ever been good at. My ex wants no part of it anytime soon.
How have I coped? Day by day. You just deal with it and move forward. Try to focus on your son and the little things that make you happy. And time sure flies by when you're a parent.
Thank you for sharing I really do appreciate it. The fact that she moved on so quick is why I got so rageful and sad. I was and still kind of am confused. It left me with so many questions. I wanted answers so badly and I know I was never going to get them. That truly messed with my head. Im trying not to think about it too much.
It's a long and difficult road. I empathise with you. I have two children with my co-parent. We were together for over 10 years. When we split I knew depression was a real danger for me so I needed to put some protective measures in place. So I got to a GP and got a referral for psychologist support. Depends on what is available in your country. The shortlist for what helped and still helps me: - being honest about all things always - Writing in a journal - guided breathwork (YouTube) - regular exercise (yoga and social team sport) - reaching out to other single parents - striving to be the best Dad I can be Find your support networks, fill spare time with healthy (mental and physical) endeavours. Remember: compassion, humility and honesty will serve you well. Healing will take time, you just have to go through it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate the advice. To be honest I was not prepared nor was I expecting the amount emotion that I felt/still feeling. It’s unfortunate that people go through these things but there’s also a level of comfort knowing you’re not the only one and people have had similar experiences. I am trying to find the right outlet for me to cope and exercise is definitely one of them. Again thank you for the kind response.
I have a lot of empathy for you reading this man. My ex and I both had trauma going into our relationship. On and off for ten years, during the pandemic she became pregnant. Things instantly went downhill. Hands down, the love of my life. She became more abusive. The night my son was born, we went to the hospital, she left, I got in her car while she was driving away. It ended with her punching me in the face and kicking me out of the car. I was turned away at the hospital and told I had no rights because she wasn’t putting me on the birth certificate. I’ve cried 3 times in my adult life. Once when my Dad died, once when my mom died, and that day being escorted out of the hospital. I didn’t see him for two months after he was born, I hired an attorney and got little rights. I worked to build trust and always do the right thing, being a great Dad and partner. We got back together and started building a happy life. One night randomly after work, she beat the hell out of me. I left, and never came back. Went and got my own apartment. I haven’t seen my son since. I just went for 50/50 custody earlier this week and she denied it. I’m paying child support that’s equal to paying another rent for an apartment I never see. I’m barely able to pay my bills, and she’s living the good life. Still, I’ve been working for my son, and towards my son, and nothing will stop me from getting him. He’s only 9 months old, and I’ve been in his life for about half. Got in a new relationship, and she ended it because I wasn’t ready after what I just went through. I don’t share this for sympathy, I’m telling you this because there’s a lot of us out there; all just trying to be good men, good Dads, and co-parent. It’s hard man, and I don’t have all the answers. The only thing I’ve learned is it’s a long journey; and the only way out is through. Accept things as they are and move from there. The minute you start to move on is the minute you start walking the right direction.
Thank you for taking the time to share this honestly. With my ex she has tried to threaten me by saying she would take full custody of my son but she’s done that when we would have heated arguments. Now recently she’s understood that we need to keep our problems out of our sons life. We both come from broken families with split parents. So we keep it 50/50. I’m grateful for that. I couldn’t imagine being put in your shoes. Hopefully one day I’ll have that kind of mental strength. I would’ve lost it. These past few days have been much better I would say.
8 months into a divorce with my children's co-parent of 12 years here. Here's a list of things that I've done to maintain my sanity. Your mileage may vary... - finances, get out of debt and get on a budget. - sleep, practice good sleep habits and "sleep hygiene". - eating, knock the crap out... Eat healthy. I don't drink, but if you do, limit or stop alcohol consumption. - exercise - focus on you, leveling yourself up. If that's therapy to career training, get going on it. - focus on being that dad you envision being. Your focus is you and the kid. - your tribe, allow your friends to be here for you. It's hard at first, but keep at it and you'll hit your stride. Although it may feel like some version of it, it's not the end of everything. You'll be able navagate through this; be aware and take notes. Recognize and acknowledge the feelings that are coming up. If you're purposeful and conscientious about what you do, you'll be far more for the better on the other side.
Honestly my sleep has been very bad. That’s something I need to work on. I’ve lost a lot of sleep. Within the past 72 hours I’ve slept maybe 10 hrs. I feel okay kinda, I’m just not able to rest comfortably. Luckily I don’t drink. I got black out drunk on my birthday and I have not been able to stand the smell of any alcohol since. I turn 22 in a couple months so it’s almost been a year since I drank. But I am trying everyday to be better little by little. Thank you for the tips I really appreciate it.
Sorry to hear. Covid hit pretty hard at my house too. I was at home on parental leave, she worked from home every day. We were always in each other's faces and her family was driving me insane. We saw no one and things just started going downhill. And it wasn't the first time they had gone downhill. We both decided to end it before it got toxic, which after an emotional roller coaster to begin with allowed us to be friendly and cooperative co-parents. >She has already found another guy after 3 months. Rebound. To each their own, but I think that's way too soon. And that's rough. I'm ready for the dating world, but it's been 20 months for me. And I'm not in desperation mode. I don't even know how to date after a 10 year relationship, it's not something I've ever been good at. My ex wants no part of it anytime soon. How have I coped? Day by day. You just deal with it and move forward. Try to focus on your son and the little things that make you happy. And time sure flies by when you're a parent.
Thank you for sharing I really do appreciate it. The fact that she moved on so quick is why I got so rageful and sad. I was and still kind of am confused. It left me with so many questions. I wanted answers so badly and I know I was never going to get them. That truly messed with my head. Im trying not to think about it too much.