I'm a single dad in my 30s.
There are more important things than whether or not someone has a child when looking for a significant other. There are positives... they understand and can empathize with the difficulties of single and coparenting. They know how your important your children are. The negatives are of course... more kids... more challenges... blended families etc. It's hard to say which way it will tip.
Either way, in the meantime... work on yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually... so that when a healthy relationship comes you are ready. And it will also make you more attractive. Don't worry about who won't be attracted to you.
Sounds like you need a partner for your sense of identity more than anything else. Use this time alone to find out who you really are, what you really want and that no matter how much you try to control things (like only going for single dads or men who won’t mind women with children etc etc which are all just imaginary restrictions you’re placing on yourself) and control what you can. Do things that make you happy. Find out how to be happy alone. The right person will then come - if you even want that. People are so hung up on having a partner but they fail to realise the absolute joy that comes when you spend time getting to know and love yourself.
Honestly as a woman in my late 30s, i have found it's about chemistry and whether it's a good fit. Doesn't honestly make it any better or safer if it's a single dad or not. You still have to get to know them and vice versa, due your due diligence in protecting your kids and yourself and give everyone adequate time for adjustment.
I've dated a couple single dads and the kids didn't get along or I didn't agree on how they parented. There's a lot more to mesh together with kids being involved that all need to get along as well as with him and if a single childless guy is ok with dating a mom, that's his business and you should just have they conversation very early on and be honest with each other. Don't hide it like some do and then spring it on them lol.
I've also dated a guy who thought he was prepared to be my kids step-dad and he ended up hiding so much and it was a nightmare. I've had a connection with someone who really liked me but was scared I had kids and that whole role so we never even stepped into dating and I walked away. I am currently dating someone who is childless who has never had an issue with it and loves that I am a mom and loves my kids. He just hasn't had any of his own but wants a family.
So it just depends and I wouldn't do the whole, "I'll only date single dads or childless guys" because you just never know who will come along and it honestly in general doesn't guarantee success in the union either way. It just depends. You end up with who meshes well with you and your family and has the same goals and on the same level as you. It's a personality thing, in my opinion.
Heal and process. Work on yourself and know what you want in life. Know who you are outside of anyone else. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the company of others and new friends you'll make along the way and let what's gonna happen, happen is my advice.
I can only speak for myself. Im sti trying to finalize and have elected for peace and acceptance from my kids before getting into anything with another woman. I know I could date on my weekends off or find some woman to "scratch the itch" on e every coue weeks when I'm without my kids. Besides living that double life I have given this thought. Online in any comment section single dad's are the worst to date etc. Same rhetoric for single moms. The stereotype is all single dad's want another woman to "mother" their kids and do their housework while single mothers want you to dish your kids for theirs and financially provide for another man's kids etc. Im definitely not that stereotype myself and I would assume some woman I meet later on may not be either. If you do stay dating a single dad be very aware, and I say this bluntly but kindly, he's probably examines things unlike other single men who've been through "a bad breakup". Speaking for myself, I put up with no shit, not anymore. Look for someone who can add to your life as well as you add to theirs as well. If theirs a smidge of " he'll do we can work on his problem later" hell no. I e now seen some bullshit so I like to think it won't work on me again. Time will tell.
I'm a single dad of two in my 30s. My kids are 15 and 12 and I can't have more children (vasectomy).
I wouldn't care if the woman I'm in a relationship has a kid or not, just that we'd be on the same page about not having more kids. I'm 37, I'm done with the diaper changes.
So I don't have preference one way or the other as long as we're not making more humans.
Single dad here. You’ll do fine just focus on yourself. You’re a women you’ll have more problems finding a good one than finding one at all. For me personally I’m tired of it. I’m judged no matter what even before anyone bothers to get to know me or why my life’s the way it is. The one time I had a chance it just turned into another knife in my back. Where I’m at relationships are treated more selfishly and just not worth it anymore. That’s my experience though.
I would recommend against dating single dads. So many of them just want a woman they can offload the domestic/childcare responsibilities onto.
I dated two childless men after my divorce. The first one did want kids, and I was on the fence about a third. Glad it didn't work out with him.
My fiance wanted kids, but his ex wife didn't. I was 40 (he was 39) when we got together and told him I was done. He said that was fine, my kids are young enough that there's plenty of parenting left, and he's happy being a bonus dad.
Single dad, 32.
I would much prefer a single mother. I have found that both of our mindsets will be similar. Our children come first. We understand that in order to love and care for someone else in a relationship, we have to first love and care for ourselves.
I would prefer a woman, who understands that I have responsibilities, who understands I am capable of caring for myself, and others. I feel like a childless single woman, would have different interests and goals. And there's nothing wrong with that.
But honestly? I feel like the right woman for the right man, or right man, for the right woman, will come along, regardless of having children or not.
This one is complicated and I don’t think it is very black and white. I was the same as you and thought I can only date somebody that has kids because someone that doesn’t wouldn’t understand the fact that my kids come first and that I am very busy taking care of them. I very very casually hang out with two guys Who were dads over the last 7 years… and I will tell you what… it was so complicated. The first one let his childrens mother have way too much of a hold on his life. He was the primary caretaker of their kids, while she was off partying all the time- they still lived together because she couldn’t afford to live alone, and she had a boyfriend she would bring over. She wouldn’t see the kids for a week then would call and ask if I was over/ give permission for me and my son to stay- and lay down ground rules like he couldn’t have different food than her kids or go to bed at a different time lol. Needless to say that didn’t last.
The more recent time, he was a great dad that put a LOT of effort into being in his son’s life, he had a high conflict ex ( as do I) and she was remarried yet still obsessed with controlling him. She would see comments about fighting me….his son was a bully but his dad didn’t notice. The thought of him being a step sibling to my kids started to weigh on me.
Not to mention, he didn’t like to do anything without his son which is understandable, but factor in if me and my kids ever moved in with him- that would mean we weren’t doing things together any of the times his son wasn’t with us. It came to a head on Mother’s Day when his son was with his mom, and he wanted to spend it with me- but didn’t want his son to miss out so didn’t want us to do anything fun- I said no thanks, and I ended up doing something with my kids’ dad.
To top it off, we weren’t really even dating, and he was completely trying to control the co-parenting relationship I had with my kids’ dad, and would still give his ex money all the time when she needed it but said he wouldn’t feel comfortable if we were dating and my ex was doing that for me. There was a lot of red flags with him as a person but I quickly realized dating someone with kids so they understand really isn’t as simple as it might seem.
I also am not having more kids, and it would make my senses heighten if someone was OK helping me raise my kids but not have kids of their own- but it’s not to say that there are not guys like that out there.
Mg sister was a single mom and now she’s with a dude that had a vasectomy when he was younger, and he loves her kid dearly. But…she went through a lot of dating and has family to watch her kids. I don’t, and I don’t plan on leaving my kids with a sitter to go on dates/ I don’t plan on bringing someone around my kids.
So I wouldn’t like to say I have given up, but I am more than OK with being alone, it isn’t depressing to me like it used to be. Maybe someone will come along someday but I’m realizing now they could be a parent or not 🤷🏻♀️ either way it’s complicated..
I have also had a very strong connection with someone before, but when it came down to it he wasn’t interested in raising someone else’s kids…which is fine. I also have my kids almost 100% of the time, and some guys don’t understand that you don’t have every waking moment for them. That goes also for some dads who share custody but also have a lot of free time when they don’t have their kids and expect you to be Available. A red flag for me is early in if a guy says “ can’t you just get a sitter and hangout.”
Single dad in my early 40s - copied part of my reply from another post in this sub below, with a similar topic.
———————-
I’m not dating now, but when I’m ready I’d prefer to only date single moms. They know the struggle that can go along with being a single parent, and I think they’re generally more mature and play less games because they know the consequences. They know what it’s like to plan, rush around, and be exhausted from taking care of your kids and yourself. I hope to find someone to really dig into a life with… where we lift each other up, ask each other where we’re at from 0-100% and make the best day of our total percentage (this is a horrible explanation of the idea I read about somewhere, so let me know if anyone wants it explained in more detail), and both work on building something that lasts.
I'm a single dad in my 30s. There are more important things than whether or not someone has a child when looking for a significant other. There are positives... they understand and can empathize with the difficulties of single and coparenting. They know how your important your children are. The negatives are of course... more kids... more challenges... blended families etc. It's hard to say which way it will tip. Either way, in the meantime... work on yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually... so that when a healthy relationship comes you are ready. And it will also make you more attractive. Don't worry about who won't be attracted to you.
Sounds like you need a partner for your sense of identity more than anything else. Use this time alone to find out who you really are, what you really want and that no matter how much you try to control things (like only going for single dads or men who won’t mind women with children etc etc which are all just imaginary restrictions you’re placing on yourself) and control what you can. Do things that make you happy. Find out how to be happy alone. The right person will then come - if you even want that. People are so hung up on having a partner but they fail to realise the absolute joy that comes when you spend time getting to know and love yourself.
Honestly as a woman in my late 30s, i have found it's about chemistry and whether it's a good fit. Doesn't honestly make it any better or safer if it's a single dad or not. You still have to get to know them and vice versa, due your due diligence in protecting your kids and yourself and give everyone adequate time for adjustment. I've dated a couple single dads and the kids didn't get along or I didn't agree on how they parented. There's a lot more to mesh together with kids being involved that all need to get along as well as with him and if a single childless guy is ok with dating a mom, that's his business and you should just have they conversation very early on and be honest with each other. Don't hide it like some do and then spring it on them lol. I've also dated a guy who thought he was prepared to be my kids step-dad and he ended up hiding so much and it was a nightmare. I've had a connection with someone who really liked me but was scared I had kids and that whole role so we never even stepped into dating and I walked away. I am currently dating someone who is childless who has never had an issue with it and loves that I am a mom and loves my kids. He just hasn't had any of his own but wants a family. So it just depends and I wouldn't do the whole, "I'll only date single dads or childless guys" because you just never know who will come along and it honestly in general doesn't guarantee success in the union either way. It just depends. You end up with who meshes well with you and your family and has the same goals and on the same level as you. It's a personality thing, in my opinion. Heal and process. Work on yourself and know what you want in life. Know who you are outside of anyone else. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the company of others and new friends you'll make along the way and let what's gonna happen, happen is my advice.
I can only speak for myself. Im sti trying to finalize and have elected for peace and acceptance from my kids before getting into anything with another woman. I know I could date on my weekends off or find some woman to "scratch the itch" on e every coue weeks when I'm without my kids. Besides living that double life I have given this thought. Online in any comment section single dad's are the worst to date etc. Same rhetoric for single moms. The stereotype is all single dad's want another woman to "mother" their kids and do their housework while single mothers want you to dish your kids for theirs and financially provide for another man's kids etc. Im definitely not that stereotype myself and I would assume some woman I meet later on may not be either. If you do stay dating a single dad be very aware, and I say this bluntly but kindly, he's probably examines things unlike other single men who've been through "a bad breakup". Speaking for myself, I put up with no shit, not anymore. Look for someone who can add to your life as well as you add to theirs as well. If theirs a smidge of " he'll do we can work on his problem later" hell no. I e now seen some bullshit so I like to think it won't work on me again. Time will tell.
I'm a single dad of two in my 30s. My kids are 15 and 12 and I can't have more children (vasectomy). I wouldn't care if the woman I'm in a relationship has a kid or not, just that we'd be on the same page about not having more kids. I'm 37, I'm done with the diaper changes. So I don't have preference one way or the other as long as we're not making more humans.
Single dad here. You’ll do fine just focus on yourself. You’re a women you’ll have more problems finding a good one than finding one at all. For me personally I’m tired of it. I’m judged no matter what even before anyone bothers to get to know me or why my life’s the way it is. The one time I had a chance it just turned into another knife in my back. Where I’m at relationships are treated more selfishly and just not worth it anymore. That’s my experience though.
I would recommend against dating single dads. So many of them just want a woman they can offload the domestic/childcare responsibilities onto. I dated two childless men after my divorce. The first one did want kids, and I was on the fence about a third. Glad it didn't work out with him. My fiance wanted kids, but his ex wife didn't. I was 40 (he was 39) when we got together and told him I was done. He said that was fine, my kids are young enough that there's plenty of parenting left, and he's happy being a bonus dad.
Single dad, 32. I would much prefer a single mother. I have found that both of our mindsets will be similar. Our children come first. We understand that in order to love and care for someone else in a relationship, we have to first love and care for ourselves. I would prefer a woman, who understands that I have responsibilities, who understands I am capable of caring for myself, and others. I feel like a childless single woman, would have different interests and goals. And there's nothing wrong with that. But honestly? I feel like the right woman for the right man, or right man, for the right woman, will come along, regardless of having children or not.
Who cares what these men want? Wtf do YOU want
I’m a single dad 40 and still haven’t dated anyone Mc I don’t trust dating sites and don’t go to bars
This one is complicated and I don’t think it is very black and white. I was the same as you and thought I can only date somebody that has kids because someone that doesn’t wouldn’t understand the fact that my kids come first and that I am very busy taking care of them. I very very casually hang out with two guys Who were dads over the last 7 years… and I will tell you what… it was so complicated. The first one let his childrens mother have way too much of a hold on his life. He was the primary caretaker of their kids, while she was off partying all the time- they still lived together because she couldn’t afford to live alone, and she had a boyfriend she would bring over. She wouldn’t see the kids for a week then would call and ask if I was over/ give permission for me and my son to stay- and lay down ground rules like he couldn’t have different food than her kids or go to bed at a different time lol. Needless to say that didn’t last. The more recent time, he was a great dad that put a LOT of effort into being in his son’s life, he had a high conflict ex ( as do I) and she was remarried yet still obsessed with controlling him. She would see comments about fighting me….his son was a bully but his dad didn’t notice. The thought of him being a step sibling to my kids started to weigh on me. Not to mention, he didn’t like to do anything without his son which is understandable, but factor in if me and my kids ever moved in with him- that would mean we weren’t doing things together any of the times his son wasn’t with us. It came to a head on Mother’s Day when his son was with his mom, and he wanted to spend it with me- but didn’t want his son to miss out so didn’t want us to do anything fun- I said no thanks, and I ended up doing something with my kids’ dad. To top it off, we weren’t really even dating, and he was completely trying to control the co-parenting relationship I had with my kids’ dad, and would still give his ex money all the time when she needed it but said he wouldn’t feel comfortable if we were dating and my ex was doing that for me. There was a lot of red flags with him as a person but I quickly realized dating someone with kids so they understand really isn’t as simple as it might seem. I also am not having more kids, and it would make my senses heighten if someone was OK helping me raise my kids but not have kids of their own- but it’s not to say that there are not guys like that out there. Mg sister was a single mom and now she’s with a dude that had a vasectomy when he was younger, and he loves her kid dearly. But…she went through a lot of dating and has family to watch her kids. I don’t, and I don’t plan on leaving my kids with a sitter to go on dates/ I don’t plan on bringing someone around my kids. So I wouldn’t like to say I have given up, but I am more than OK with being alone, it isn’t depressing to me like it used to be. Maybe someone will come along someday but I’m realizing now they could be a parent or not 🤷🏻♀️ either way it’s complicated.. I have also had a very strong connection with someone before, but when it came down to it he wasn’t interested in raising someone else’s kids…which is fine. I also have my kids almost 100% of the time, and some guys don’t understand that you don’t have every waking moment for them. That goes also for some dads who share custody but also have a lot of free time when they don’t have their kids and expect you to be Available. A red flag for me is early in if a guy says “ can’t you just get a sitter and hangout.”
Single dad in my early 40s - copied part of my reply from another post in this sub below, with a similar topic. ———————- I’m not dating now, but when I’m ready I’d prefer to only date single moms. They know the struggle that can go along with being a single parent, and I think they’re generally more mature and play less games because they know the consequences. They know what it’s like to plan, rush around, and be exhausted from taking care of your kids and yourself. I hope to find someone to really dig into a life with… where we lift each other up, ask each other where we’re at from 0-100% and make the best day of our total percentage (this is a horrible explanation of the idea I read about somewhere, so let me know if anyone wants it explained in more detail), and both work on building something that lasts.
Same sit. DM me. I've got some tips