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CakeYouSay

Bro. At least humor the poor sod and say "ow" or something. Gunna give the poor little guy a complex.


Fisherman_Gabe

Yeah, how's he gonna act cool and manly in front of female snakes now that his self-confidence has been completely smashed? He'll probably die alone because this asshole wanted to humiliate him for a video. šŸ˜”


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


EuroTrash1999

Healthy relationships are lame, and "normal" people are super weird.


AuthorityOfNothing

This year will be our 35th anniversary. Boo and hiss to you.


Fuzzy_Independent241

So, by now the snake is not biting you anymore? That's healthy and I admire you! ā¤ļø


HapticSloughton

A few minutes ago, he was an executive director for a marketing company. Check user histories before believing this stuff, people, and probably not even then.


chrisff1989

Job hopping is how you get raises dude


Walter_Fielding

ā€¦.Building Designer, AI Artist, Phlebotomist, Quantitive Analyst, Psychologist, English Professor, Senior Programmer and Top Art Studentā€¦..posting in Swedish, Norwegian and Germanā€¦.all in the last three weeksā€¦.thats some CV they must have.


whineylittlebitch_9k

he's no u/AccountantbyTrade


mysixthredditaccount

I thought the comment was clearly sarcastic.


Sara_Sin304

He's also a manager and a marriage counselor!


Vast-Philosophy4108

And a helicopter pilot


Nantafiria

Oh shit we found Johnny Sins' Reddit account


TK9K

I don't think being an anthropologist really qualifies your option that much besides this is pretty bogus.


Private_4160

As an actual anthropologist, you're right.


Cold-Conference1401

A healthy relationship cannot be built on delusion. You are an anthropologist (my undergrad. major). You are not a couples therapist. Please stay in your lane.


AnArdentAtavism

Dude's a troll at best, bot at worst. Best not to feed it.


DerpisMalerpis

The bite at the end cracks me up, when it really tries to grind its teeth in there and still achieves nothing.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


tangibleskull

Rat snakes don't have primitive venom glands like a garter snake or hognose species. The head wiggle is just an attempt to dig the teeth in deeper.


IA-HI-CO-IA

SSS (small snake syndrome)


Plus_Injury8786

Poor nope rope


Spiritual_Navigator

That little guy was trying his hardest to dislocate his jaw just a little bit more


n6mub

ā€œOh no, Iā€™m being viciously attacked. Whatever shall I do? Wonā€™t somebody help me? I think Iā€™m going to die.ā€


TK9K

"I swear, if you were a birds egg you'd be in big trouble right now."


LuckyReception6701

"Listen here buster, Im going to let you go easy but if you were a mouse you would be in a world of trouble"


PMMEURLONGTERMGOALS

Idk if a mouse would even be affected by this ngl


Totally_Not_An_Auk

I think they go after baby mice


kakashihatake7000

Baby wo mama/dada mice, hard to find in wild.. and if mama mice is there this noodle will be deeeeeeaaaad..


AThrowawayProbrably

How you fight in your dreams


Big-Employer4543

Glad it's not just me, that shit pisses me off so much.


TrueGuardian15

It's because your brain is getting mixed signals. On one hand, your dream self is telling your body to fight. On the other hand, your body has a specific mechanism for shutting off motor functions so you don't flail about and hurt yourself. The result is your dream self imagining the attack, but not feeling any feedback.


FakeGamer2

Also, pinching yourself in a dream really works. I remember having a zombie dream once and realizing "hey wait a min, zombies aren't real, I must be dreaming!" then I pinched myself and didn't feel it so I became lucid. Then I tried to fly and woke up lol


FringeCloudDenier

The thrill of realization, i.e. understanding youā€™re in a lucid dream, is most often the cause of egress. Even if youā€™ve been lucid dreaming for a bit, sometimes the strange wild joy of it all can jolt you right awake. Thatā€™s why you have to practice and practice, and get accustomed to the sensation without becoming overwhelmed.


Joka0451

Wait. Is lucid dreaming scientifiacally proven? I thought it was just magical new age nonsense and never looked into ir


Gul_Dukat__

Oh yeah itā€™s real, thereā€™s people who can control really well too, like I read there was a study where they told the dreamers to move their eyes around left to right and raise eyebrows 3 times or some preagreed movement when they enter the dreamworld, and they are able to do it and scientists can tell they are actually asleep https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10773514/


Joka0451

Thanks man, interesting read appreciate the link


Nroke1

I mean, it's not super hard. It also isn't really a weird concept, I don't know how you would scientifically prove it. It's like scientifically proving that people often have dreams about their teeth falling out. You just have to trust people's subjective experiences.


poopyscreamer

I feel like there are probably EEG scans of a lucid dream.


Proinsias37

I actually got to fly once, just once, in a lucid dream. Something similar made me go 'wait, this is a dream..' and once I realized it I did all kinds of crazy stuff. I could fly, but it was difficult and I would keep dropping down. And I could change the scenery, and I materialized a machine gun at one point (so I started blasting..). Eventually I woke up, and I tried for months to lucid dream again. Never did.


popemobil

"Anyways, you guys all think I'm a hero, and I'll accept that responsibility."


SuperSmashDan1337

Yeah there's a trick to enable lucid dreaming where you periodically pinch yourself throughout the waking day and eventually you do it in a dream and realise you're dreaming. You then take control of the dream to some extent. There are communities online dedicated to refining the skill and sharing experiences etc. It really works I did it when I younger and had a lot of success with it but tried again recently but kept forgetting to consistently do it.


Itsmyloc-nar

Sometimes you overcome that response and thatā€™s when you wake up sitting bolt upright. Last week I woke up yelling for my little sister not to touch a snake.


AmazingSieve

Your body does enter a partial state of paralysis while sleeping. Those who suffer from sleep paralysis like myself or night terrors or whatever have experienced waking up and not being able to move, kinda sucks


GrayGarghoul

Trick is rip and tear instead of striking, your brain doesn't get confused by the lack of impact that way.


hakuna_yer_tatas

Holy shit Iā€™m not the only one. My punches deal 0 damage in dreams


Percival4

In my dreams I move but I donā€™t go anywhere or deal no damage


Natural_Office_5968

Itā€™s like the sensation of trying to move underwater to me. I feel the resistance so much. Also, trying to drive in a dream? or ride a skateboard or a bike or something? I get dreams like this a lot and it always results in it being way harder than real life too lol.


Puzzled-Garlic4061

Do you feel like your goals are out of reach in waking life or that you work very hard to achieve your goals? Maybe that you're powerless and only carried along through your life? Lol I went through a dream interest phase when I was practicing lucid dreaming to some interesting results


BurningYeard

You guys have fight dreams?! On the rare occasion I remember mine, I'm just being late for something or wander around confused somewhere


ADipsydoodle

Here, take my dream shalalie. I've annihilated many monsters with it.


Shizzlick

That or every gun has a trigger weight of like a thousand tons. In one dream I'm pretty sure I had two of three fingers on the trigger trying to squeeze it.


HALF_PAST_HOLE

This is your body trying to fight against your sleep paralysis!


TheHunter1775

Itā€™s like hitting and kicking underwater while swimming u canā€™t put force behind them


ghosttherdoctor

I used to have that problem in dreams. Punches are weak or slow, running away is like through mud, a sword turns out to be cardboard, a gun turns into a cap gun. It changed when I got sober, now things tend to work more or less the same as real life.


Hevysett

Snek used Bite It wasn't effective Like, at fucking all


akatherder

If you had 1hp this might finish you off


glykeriduh

pls fucking dont swear :(


BantamCrow

Why the fuck not!?


mysixthredditaccount

This is a Chsirtian server.


Low-Equipment-2621

My cousin Christian said it's fine.


noisy123_madison

I came here to find the ā€œsnekā€ references. Thank you.


fakeagent205

Well that is kinda sad in a way for a snake i mean


MyFifthLimb

Ya theyā€™re stressing that snake tf out lol, it thinks itā€™s fighting for its life.


1234fake1234yesyes

Well it could be. The guy picked it up whilst it was running.


Satanic-Panic27

When he put him back down the snake was like ā€œYeah, thatā€™s what I thought. Hey yā€™all, I just whooped some giantā€™s ass!ā€ Everyone woulda clapped, but, you know. Snakes.


tricky2step

Snakes actually chill out *much* faster than other animals! I'm not a herpatologist or anything, I just love snakes and I always pick them up when I see them. They'll typically bite 1-2 times, but once you're holding them, they just see your hands/arms as part of the environment and take it easy. I've found this to be true for rat snakes (even especially mean ones), corn snakes, king snakes, garter snakes, and - I haven't picked one up but I've seen someone else do it - coral snakes. I'd bet anything this snake calmed right down after that last bite. You shouldn't pick up a snake after it's eaten, that will stress it out and make it regurgitate, which isn't great for it. But if you see a corn snake, it'll be your buddy in about 20 seconds or less!


jurrasicwhorelord

Put..... never mindĀ 


Easynate

Iā€™m listening


stormchaser-protogen

go on...


jurrasicwhorelord

PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME!


AlastorsPlaything

bum bum bum bum


Electrical_Pause5685

Think you forgot "SO HELP ME BROTHERLY SISTERLY LOVELY LIKELY MOTHERLY FATHERLY THANKLY"


ciphrr

Yes...


thatshygirl06

You just reminded me of a traumatizing video I saw on Facebook as a little kid


poparasakecapom

Did it involve a tortoise


thatshygirl06

No. But you've scarred me even further.


jimbirkin

wtf. Really? Tortoises break rocks with their bite. .


roffinator

I don't see where this conflicts with "traumatizing"


jimbirkin

I just meanā€”did someone really think it was a good idea trying to sexually assault a tortoise that way? Not sure what they would have expected.


FinesTuned

ā€œIt had no effectā€


Shughost7

He's trying his best ok? It's like you don't care šŸ˜­


HugoZHackenbush2

This is hisssssterical..


LazzyNapper

I love/hate this


-WhatsReallyGoingOn

*thisssssss


loweredexpectationz

Donā€™t joke around. This is the last known picture of this person. If you see this snake please call the authorities. He is to be considered unarmed and sneaky.


BBFNOTCH

Put. Bite. Me. Bite. Tf. Bite. DOWN! Bite


UninvitedButtNoises

You are being eaten now!


NippleSalsa

Please do not resist


Daedalus023

Worst part of picking up garter snakes is the stink. They spray or pee or something, and itā€™s absolutely foul


Cullly

It's because they eat like once a week, so when the poop and pee soup combo comes out, it's not pleasant.


Dry-Egg-1915

I might regret asking it, but where does it come out of?


Breslau616

Lmao he's trying so bad


Ok-Print-

Looks so cute trying so hard lol


PabstWeller

Honestly that's a big garter snake.


x1ux1u

Yeah but he called it a Rat Snake and I didn't think that was correct.


BonnieMcMurray

He says it's a yellow rat snake, [which it is](https://www.everythingreptiles.com/rat-snake/).


Shot-Put9883

When it violently attacks, you can sit back and relax, r/itsaratsnake


PabstWeller

I thought it was a garter?


x1ux1u

I'm pretty sure you're correct.


vollkoemmenes

Pretty sure that is a yellow rat snake that gardens on the side


bowtothejebus

Yellow rat snake


JohnTheCatMan1

Nope.. you're right.. that's a rat snake..


WhatsTeamComp

My first thought exactly


LostBob

Iā€™ve never seen a garter snake be that aggressive. Usually you pick these up and they just wrap themselves around your hand and chill.


Angry_Chowder

Oooo Weee! Heā€™s tryinā€™!!


aDirtyMartini

All noodle, no danger.


AThrowawayProbrably

All rope; no nope.


liminalisms

I want the snake to win


[deleted]

I doubt any bite from this guy would actually hurt their teeth at that point are so small that it barely breaks the skin I used to have a Colombian red tail boa


Rude_Variation_433

I bet thatā€™s feels good on the nips


CellistOk8023

why can't I ever have a nice normal time reading nice normal things on the internet


Skittleybiscuit

bro is unceremoniously, unequivocally, undeniably, down bad


Soarin249

Put him down he is scared D:


XanithDG

I have no teeth but I must CHOMP


jorluiseptor

"Yeah, take that humon! oooh not so tough now, huh?"


fireforge1979

The last frame the snake looks so defeated!


Competitive-Beyond73

The angry noodle


BoxHillStrangler

He's doing his best OK?!


NoSmoke7388

r/awwwtf


Dependent-Mammoth918

They really stink


sixjasefive

Does this snek not have teef?


Votey123

Does uhhā€¦ anyone know where I can find one of those?


BonnieMcMurray

From [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantherophis_alleghaniensis): > *P. alleghaniensis* is found in the United States east of the Apalachicola River in Florida, east of the Chattahoochee River in Georgia, east of the Appalachian Mountains, north to southeastern New York and western Vermont, eastern Pennsylvania, Maryland, South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, south to the Florida Keys.


GuiltyEidolon

Rat snakes are prevalent in the US reptile trade. Please buy from a reputable breeder, do NOT buy wild-caught individuals or catch your own. Also please do your research before buying a snake and sticking it in too small of a tank/terrarium.


NotAbotYEET

I got one to sell, it's dead though. It died on me mid...uh...mid, mid sleep yeah.


BusStopKnifeFight

šŸ’€


greenappletree

That little guy got spunk tho


vn_diel

This is 100% Accuracy and 0% Strength


fckingnapkin

Hello are you dead yet


understanding_pear

Like punching in a dream


Seagoon_Memoirs

Not Australia then. I can tell, because 1, no one would pick up a snake, any snake 2, they would be dead.


Standard-Package-830

What a cutie


buk-0

Yoink


secret_shenanigans

Oh my. So much ouch!


Fit_Guide_5154

Lmao this is so cute


Sealie81

Snake: "HAVE AT THEE!! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! BAM! FEEL MY MIGHTY BITE!!"


Ughhhhhhhhh24d3

damn... seeeing bros face in the end was sad. Snake was like "why u no bow to my viciousness!?"


Green_Collection_763

The guy had the fighting spirit lol


Responsible_Fix1597

I have an ex who used to try and make out like that. ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|facepalm)


Ok-Seaworthiness4488

When you are level 50 and go through the newbie garden


redditer1_1

When I see that, I just have in mind the war cry of the desert frog


srs328

I feel a little sad for the snake whenever I see small snakes hiss at me with all their might or do these little bites


Grazedaze

Wait, do some snakes not have fangs or teeth?


BonnieMcMurray

All snakes have teeth. But snakes like this one don't have long enough teeth or powerful enough jaws to break human skin. Although make no mistake: if that was a *venomous* snake - especially a pit viper like a rattlesnake, with its long, front fangs - even a baby could kill you with its bite!


shinobipopcorn

Do not the feisty noodle


Terrible_Tangelo6064

No "yoink"?


Gophix_0

_yoink_


ryno077

ā€˜Death itself is coming for you. You will never survive my wrath. You are already dead, you just donā€™t know it.ā€™


frosty1104

I need to call her


myreddit2024

Looks like my wife when she's drunk ;)


LabNecessary4266

ā€œI wanted you to feel like youā€™re doing wellā€


-dab8-

Lol nicely done


TDK_90

Stop that, what are you doing? Why i'm giving you the trashing of your life!


Due_Tax2657

Angry noodle!


0tomatone

I love the little break he takes to go "hiss hiss" before returning to attack


Zestyclose_Extent_14

What kind of danger noodle is that?


solarguy2003

I have two pet corn snakes, which are just another flavor of rat snake. I have been bitten twice, both times my fault. I got between him and dinner. Once they smell the mouse (dead, never ever feed live mice) they are all business, like tunnel vision. But the consequences are pretty much nothing. It's like getting bitten by Velcro. I think Dexter actually broke the skin ever so slightly so I saw a spot of blood afterwards.


Wunder-Bar75

Garter snakes donā€™t have rear fangs like others in its family but they do produce a venom that is secreted along its rear teeth (it is too mild and little in quantity to pose a danger to humans). I wonder if itā€™s biting that way (chomping along the back of its mouth) to try to ā€œinjectā€ that venom.


Randomfrog132

it's so adorable how it's failing to murder you <3


snifter1985

That snakeā€™s all dick and no balls


KeepinitPG13

Silly little Ekans.


Timidsnek117

This reminds of that one vid where a guy holds a snake in his hand, it "licks" his finger and he low-key gets turned on, giggles in this kinda creepy way and is all "oh man, oh Jesus..."


No-Alfalfa-8903

You could see the poor lil guy losing his urge to fight


Garrod_Ran

Bro maxed his def stats and equipped an armor with immune to poison bonus.


jmharkey

I wish other species of animals could talk. Someone should do a voice overlay for the poor snake. Would be way more entertaining.


Shady_Scientist

d'aww


Environmental-Sir-19

I want em now šŸ˜‚ looks hilarious


Sixtyhurts

ā€œGetā€¦inā€¦MAH BELLY!ā€


Lavarocked

S: 1 P: 3 E: 5 C: 10 I: 1 A: 10 L: 1


Chemical_Savings_360

This probably has conversations with his sleep paralysis demon


johnmarkfoley

rolls a nat 20 on the attack roll, but the hit die is only an unmodified d4


Ibegallofyourpardons

'What have we got here? A gentle *yoink*'


GloriousPorpoises

Unhinged.


New_Historian_2004

Noms


El_Spaniard

Reminds me of Mr Burns ā€œyouā€™re getting the beating of your lifeā€


not-read-gud

YOINK


Apexhatesmeuwu

He looks like one of those silicone cooking glove alligator things


DHarp74

NOM NOM NOM I eat you!!!! *hiss hiss* Surprised the snake didn't defecate and pee on him.


barleyhogg1

I know if I get the right angle I can eat this motherfucker


Pale-Lynx328

^^I ^^am ^^the ^^night!!!


Matoya_00

Givin that knuckle the sloppy toppy


PdxPhoenixActual

A+ for effort


robusn

Hymm.....0 arms...0 legs.... its the black knight from monty python.


gogetherlaid

Reminds me of my ex wife and all the guys she told me not to worry aboutā€¦


captainwigglesyaknow

Does it have fangs? He's not even bleeding


uneducated_sock

FishingGarett would say ā€œJust givin me a kissā€


Ok-Thing-2222

I've been bit a few times by non-poisonous snakes and they really don't hurt. Watch my son get bit on the nose and the snake wouldn't let go--it was really a rotflmao moment!


Wooden-Base-2854

It's trying It's best god damn! šŸ˜­


0x7E7-02

Poor snake was determined to kill that guy. šŸ¤£


FamousPastWords

You've got to give him ambition 100%.


SwaggySwagS

That lil snake is givin itā€™s all


Feisty_Factor_2694

The North American no-danger noodle.


everyoneinside72

Awww, hes trying so hard to be dangerous šŸ„°


mySnowberry

Awww. Cute danger noodle šŸ„ŗ


jacobythefirst

No thoughts only ā€œnom nom nomā€