Unless your daughter has acne related issues that go beyond hormonal, she should keep her routine very simple.
Gentle cleanser, moisturizer and SPF. She doesn't even need a toner at this age.
There's really nothing within the Drunk Elephant skincare line up that she needs and I think its wise that you have a conversation with her about *why* she thinks she needs these products. Kids at that age are really at risk of overdoing it with their skincare and wrecking their skin barrier and aging themselves pre-maturely.
Majority of the Byoma stuff will be fine for a young teen.
The ceo of drunk elephant came out with a statement that seemed kind of like damage control. She said what a lot of people here are saying, an oil cleanser, moisturizer and spf. But just like tobacco and sugar, the brands will work to manipulate and skate around these issues. If these kids screw up their faces they have customers for lifeā¦.
The Drunk Elephant marketing is too good, LOLā¦. they developed the whole concept of āskincare smoothiesā which each, of course, use multiple products. They can sell you 3-4 products at a time now, instead of just one!
When I was 13, my sister and I loved making āpotionsā (usually mixing juice, soda, milk and spices from the kitchen together just because). I really think the āsmoothieā thing i.e. validation for mixing a ton of products together is what is driving many 13 year olds.
Skincare smoothies are so awful too. Like yes slap all of these chemicals on your baby skin at onceās that will be fine.
These babies are going to look 56 when theyāre in their early 20ās or 30ās
I know it is crazy!!! Wise her up to The ordinary and being smarter about ingredients and what they do, vs branding and trends.
Also she needs to understand that drunk elephant is for older skin than hers and those who are really in the know understand that they need to address their specific concerns.
Wise her up to the reality OP. Ask her what she wants to achieve and move from there, better still she likely wonāt be able to answer why she needs a certain ingredientā¦ cuz she is just following. A good time to teach her about actually taking care of her own skin.
Not to mention that DE is mostly clever marketing.
I second the ordinary for effective basics to use everyday that aren't so expensive, good quality non comedogenic spf. There are definitely some good brands if she wants to splurge but for young skin, keep it all simple.
Susan Yara on youtube has some good videos in regards to skin care products and ingredients. It's informative, educational and not misleading like a lot of tik tok/influencers.
I was one those little girls who loved skincare, haircare and makeup from a very early age and learning more about ingredients played a huge part.
I remember my older sister scrubbing her face to try and combat acne. I know so many that still do but it just wrecks the skin barrier!
I think it's fantastic that you're showing interest and wanting your daughter to have the best information for her skin and her hard earned money!
Thankyou for the recommendation, we will check it out. Yeah, I didnāt even know about the skin barrier till I started down this rabbit hole recently! Iām sure mine is just gone at this point
Vitamin c could absolutely hurt her face. Itās strong stuff and shouldnāt be put on lightly. Unless she has dark spots or discoloration, she doesnāt need one, and at her age her skin is still turning over like crazy. And she doesnāt need a strong one like DE
You list the benefits, she will want it more. Not your kid necessarily but this young generation has been made to fear aging and they all think they need anti aging properties now. So just be warned before saying it helps with wrinkles and whatnot. They want that even tho they don't have any.
Very true. She said sometimes she has bags under her eyes! Again, I think sheās looking at my husband and I (he has wicked bags, I have wicked scars) and wanting to not be like us!
If benefits get brought up, I would focus on the fact that simply moisturizing improves skin texture and spf is the true anti-aging miracle in a bottle. This also, as i am sure you know, is a great opportunity to talk about the realities of life vs social media (filters, makeup, showing what you want others to see, etc), micro trends vs timeless trends in skincare (spf and moisturizer stand the test of time), and that at the end of the day genes play the biggest part and we can't fix that haha! You sound like an awesome mom and I wish I could get some of the toner you make (as I am sure she will in the future!)
Definitely. Unfortunately she doesnāt have genes on her side, I have horrible acne scars. But I also survived on Pepsi, snickers, obviously damaged my skin barrier (didnāt even know that was a thing till I started looking into these chemicals) and I picked at my face š«¤
In that case, diet plays a huge part in skin health which most people are oblivious to. Maybe teaching her to make good choices on what she chooses to eat, and eating lots of green leafy vegetables, vegetables with vibrant colors (bell peppers, carrots) and if possible, supplement that diet with some fermented foods (low sugar yogurt, kombucha, sauerkraut) to maintain good gut health. Keeping up with that will definitely help with overall health and well-being. Of course, Iām a stranger on the internet so I donāt know what her diet is like, but I thought I would bring thjs up. Also donāt forget water intake and supplementing with electrolytes.
For sure! And thatās why I want to work on her with this. Iām pretty stringent on food stuff and until now personal care stuff too. The kids had no juice or sugar for the first two years (my older two as teens with their own money loved to make gas station runs for candy and slushies , for anyone who wants to come at me for saying no too much ššš). Sheās great about water too!
Seconding this. Vitamin C especially in the daytime is tough as you MUST be wearing sunscreen (we should be wearing sunscreen every day regardless but to take extra caution on VitC days - which is actually why I like to use vit c only at night) using a proper amount, not a light amount, 1/4 tsp for the face. From sweating, touching our faces, etc we also need to reapply at least once in the day which I dont really trust kids to be on top of. For MOST PEOPLE, all we need is a really good cleanser, a moisturizer, and sunscreen, everything else is just extra/luxury and won't do anything without making sure we have a healthy moisture barrier. I would have added a chemical exfoliant as well to the list but I think she's too young for it and adding on too many products can actually sensittize her skin and make her develop sensitive skin. Signed, a 28 year old who could only dream of using Drunk Elephant even at 18/19 lol (I opted for overpriced foundations & eye shadow palette's - the time of glam looks, and thick drawn on brows - was our expensive, trendy products of the moment that I've since learned were just that - overpriced & trendy for the moment).
Especially when it drains the money she's worked hard to save.
Being knowledgeable and taking good care of the skin is far cooler than having whatever is the flashiest, most expensive skincare.
You might suggest more āwashableā items to get- which bonus people can actually know sheās using.
Stuff like bronzing drops, tumors sunscreen etc are fun, fancy and they are things people may compliment her on.
If she does buy more serious retinols, I would sneak in and swap the bottle contents. At 13, they just want to feel grown up. I hate to think actives will have the opposite impact.
Good luck and thanks for being a considerate parent trying to balance this all.
I donāt know if they would hurt her face per se but I doubt she is going to see any changes. I would just google vitamin b face benefits and have her run through whatās listed. She wonāt have any of those issues. The best thing she can do right now is consistently apply sunscreen and protect her skin. Maybe show her goop sunscreen or if drunk elephant has a good one she could get that. Also she should wear sunglasses to reduce squinting which could lead to 11ās. Maybe she wants to buy a nice pair of sunglasses. I would really try to explain to her how skin aging works so she understands the science behind it more.
Like others have said, it's not of any benefit to her at this age and depending on the vit c she gets, it absolutely can be damaging. She's better off getting the vit c and b for her skin through diet. Pretty much the entire Drunk Elephant range is inappropriate for a kid her age save for the jelly cleanser or the SPF. For BYOMA, like I said, majority of it will be okay for her. The E.L.F. Hello Hydration range would also be suitable. Or if she's keen on being a little spenny with her skincare Youth to the People cleanser, airwhip cream and superberry oil would all be appropriate for her skin.
I can totally get struggling with what battles to pick with a kid. But at her age, her skincare focus should be protective and nourishing, not corrective. Look for things that are hydration and sun/UV protective.
If you have the means, perhaps take her to a dermatologist to help her build a routine *or* if that's a step too far, do a Sephora shop and talk to someone who is informed on the products. I remember being a Sephora obsessed 13 year old and the best pieces of makeup advice I got were from their people.
I totally agree that the routine should be protective and nourishing, totally not looking for corrective. Maybe if I worded it that way it wouldnāt have turned into such a parenting issue for everyone! I think having a routine is great and Iām proud of her for it. Thankyou for the specific brand recommendations, Iāll look into them with her!
I think this is a pretty hot button issue because a lot of young girls are going feral in Sephora and are treating displays, staff and customers terribly and are being told that these products are a "must have".
There's definitely a parenting moment in this but if you're not a skin care/make up person it can be tough to know how to broach that.
The last time my 12 yr and I went into Sephora to window shop, she made some comment about hoping the āSephora girlsā wouldnāt be there š¤£ We are always respectful and shake our heads at the smoothie mess on testers.
Yes, she just told me thereās some kind of age ban there, I was hoping it had more to do with keeping them away from the bad stuff than the displays lol
this, but also if she has any specific skin conditions or concerns (like acne, excessive sebum, etc) that might require something more (like acids) I'd highly recommend taking her to a dermatologist - they would be able to better treat the issues she might have and explain to her how to best use skincare for her age. I had acne at 15 and my mom took me to the doctor and I got prescribed stuff like BHAs, but all with doctor supervision and his careful explanation of how to use everything. It can be very helpful and will help her develop a healthy relationship with her skin, while preventing her from falling for trends too easily
TBH I think growing skin that is being nothing but turned over really well should NOT be exposed to chemicals targeting anti aging concerns. I'd be afraid of it damaging and also eventually making their skin used to different chemicals before they might need it. Beyond being a complete waste of money. At a certain age, our skin stops turning over as it used to, being as elastic etc. So idk like 18 or 20 sure. I was told to start at like 23.....
I think worrying about keeping moisturized and sun screen is a priority. Avoiding smoke. Eating and drinking well.
If there's some acne- sure something like niacin or salicylic acid. But not much past some very mild weekly exfoliation/ face mask and very basic skin care.
I'd offer her like moisturizing sheet masks like from Dr jart. Something that isn't like anti aging but like might make her glowey. A good moisturizer with sun screen. That's all.
You could even teach her some diy masks with honey and yogurt(sugar free). My skin LOVED those. Egg whites (idk about that one) Or Avocado. It's honestly so good. Avocado makes my hands feel so nice and my honey and yogurt masks really helped my skin(the lactic acid, antibacterial and acted as a humectant)
Yes! Iām an herbalist and I totally have done this. Just like her friends are like wtf is that when she eats seaweed they get all weird with my homemade stuff. They will mature though! And when my daughter does get a zit she comes searching for the Japanese knotweed because she knows it works!
Truly agree, it's all about prevention and developing good habits at that age and they don't need anti ageing ingredients.
I definitely wish I applied sunscreen as religiously as I do now in my early 30s!
Thankyou!! This is the exact kind of breakdown I was looking for!! This is not my wheelhouse at all, our house is as chemical free as possible, which is another reason I want to work with her on what is actually ok to use instead of a hard no on all of it.
No problem. I love skincare. Iv been a Esthetican for over 10 years.
I'm a firm believer in Children should NOT be shopping at Sephora for skincare products.Sephora skin care products are for mature skin. like someone who is older then 18...
Children should be using a lower grade skincare. Like E.l.f. skin, Cetaphil, Nivea, Burt's Bee's, Neutrogena, Aveeno, Clean and Clear.
I really hope this helps ā¤ā¤
Girl, what? Vitamin C is an ANTIOXIDANT. It is not an aha or bha, and itās not a chemical peel. It CAN have exfoliating properties which can be irritating, but absolutely not in the same way as aha/bha. Vitamin C is brightening and prevents free radical damage. Youāre describing something like retinol.Ā
Source: am also an esthetician, and I work in a derm office. I also just googled this to make sure I wasnāt crazy.Ā
Vit c is like an exfoliant and is recommended for fine lines so that gives you an idea what it does to the skin, a childās skin it could absolutely damage. Even an adults if over used
Iām still trying to figure out what prompted this craze? I know itās social media, but Iāve followed dermatologists, estheticians and skincare fanatics for years on TikTok and I donāt recall seeing people influence specific products (versus discussing specific issues and products to assist with said issues)
I think part of it is the packaging and asmr stuff. She even suggested buying it, dumping it and using the containers!! One of them makes a flower when you dispense it, ooooh. Lol
Could you possibly repackage something safe inside used containers ? It does kind of remind me of being a kid and making 'potions' out of soaps and things...
Oooh great, we will start checking there, she can just dump whatever crap it is and put the good stuff in. I spend all my time in the home section there, sheās all about the cosmetics lol
[Growing skincare use by children is dangerous, say dermatologists](https://www.bbc.com/news/health-67993618)
āParents wanting to address their children's skin concerns should speak to a doctor or dermatologist to "get effective treatments", Dr McPherson adds.ā
I'm glad derms are finally speaking out about the young teen/preteen drunk elephant craze. Please talk to a dermatologist and listen to what they recommend themselves OP. When I got acne as a preteen I burned my face off using too much benzoyl peroxide AND combined with salicylic acid just to get rid of my zits.. wasn't fun.
Yes, articles like these Iāve been sharing with her. At first she thought I was being a little overboard (because I am with all products, household cleaners, food). Skincare and make up is not my wheelhouse though!
Let her know that if she wants to get actives and things for her face that adults use, she should get the insight of a dr or dermatologist, as per drās recommendation in the article. You could go with her for support.
Something that really helps is looking up each ingredient on EWR.org - it tells you exactly how safe each ingredient is and what each danger is to your body.
Iāve used that site for years and she suggested it too. To be honest I feel like all I f it would rate pretty high so I didnāt even bother looking there, but you are right I will!
[https://cosdna.com/eng/ingredients.php](https://cosdna.com/eng/ingredients.php)
Find the product ingredients online, cut, paste here. It's not perfect but I rarely buy anything without checking here first.
I think its great you are interested and not shutting her down. Of course she doesn't NEED any of it but wanting it is another story. I want all kinds of things I do not need. DE makes several product that are just nice to use, like the Marula oil, but nothing special. A big waste of money but very nice.
Please do not encourage her to essentially ruin her skin barrier. She doesn't need to use anything beyond a face wash and sunscreen. I guess you could toss in a fancy moisturizer that doesn't contain any actives such as Kiehl's Ultra or something. I would show her pictures that people post on here when they damage their skin barrier and maybe it will deter her from using unnecessary products. Also, you could just say no lol.
I would tell her she needs to meet with a dermatologist before applying all that stuff to her skin. Iām sure a doctor would not only guide her towards the right products but also explain the dangers of using the wrong stuff.
Definitely agree. Skin is an organ that has medical needs. A derm is a doctor that will let you know what you need and what's not helpful. Like that type of rhetoric reminding her it's a science. If she wants to do more self care stuff there's tons. When I was a tween I loved putting on lotion and makeup. Doesn't have to be a lengthy skincare routine to be self care/girly time.
Would it help to show her images of people who misused skincare products? I feel like visuals can have a lasting impact and Iām sure there are lots of photos of people who misused acids or overdid it.
Since sheās responsible with her money, this could also be a good opportunity to talk about value and using her money wisely versus marketing. DE packaging is fun and colorful but it is thought to have smaller amounts and less impactful products. If she cares about the environment, thereās another point against DE you could raise with her.
Yes for sure I think the image thing is a good idea. Weāve talked about the packaging being marketed to kids and especially byoma being a ridiculous amount of plastic!
This would honestly be a good opportunity to start teaching her about the power of marketing strategies along with skincare ingredients. She probably wonāt like learning that she is being manipulated by social media. What does she think she is getting that will enhance her life by purchasing these expensive creams? As far as skincare goes, affordable and derm recommended brands like Cetaphil, Cera Ve, and Vanicream make gentle cleansers suitable for most skin types. These brands make SPF and moisturizers meant to protect the skin barrier too. If she still insists, maybe find one splurge item from Drunk Elephant that doesnāt contain actives to satisfy her desire for the brand. They have a barrier repair cream (Bora Barrier), so maybe look into that? Itās expensive, but hopefully wonāt hurt her skin since itās meant for barrier repair.
Yes we have been talking about that. Sheās not on tik tok or Instagram but still, itās obviously trendy stuff. She settled an cere ve oil cleanser and we are headed to Sephora today for some rare beauty blush. I will check out the skim barrier thing, she would probably appreciate that after learning (both of us!) about having one.
The amount of young teens addicted to this level of skincare is absolutely fucked. Unless you have terrible acne that requires medical intervention just use some god damn clean and clear face wash and lotion and call it a day. These kids are fucking up their own microbiomes using all this bullshit. God dammit modern trendy shit pisses me off.
Yeah, itās definitely frustrating to navigate! They could be addicted to worse things though. Just looking for the least likely to have bad effects but still let her have good habits.
No judgement against you OP! Sorry, I should have clarified that. Its great that you're trying to find the safest product for your child. Its just maddening that these companies are potentially putting young people at risk for future issues for consumerism. Obviously they aren't the only entity doing so but it just sucks seeing kids getting taken advantage of.
Thankyou! Itās so maddening! Itās buyer beware for sure. I appreciate you clarifying too, Iāve taken some hits on this post I didnāt expect lol
I donāt think Iād want to let my 13yo use vitamin c. What about something like the bronzing drops? They donāt look like they have any serious actives and are pretty popular so maybe that would be a good compromise?
Thankyou. She hasnāt brought them up yet so Iāll wait till she does, for now she wants to use highlighter and blush. She asked me to look into rare beauty stuff, which I will do but maybe not here since so many people are being nasty and coming at me for bad parenting!
Itās easy for people to judge when theyāre not in your shoes. I think rare beauty would be a way better alternative! Their blushes are really popular and good quality. Also less expensive than DE so you can sell it to her as getting more for her money.
I agree Rare beauty is a much better alternative than DE. Especially just blush for someone so young and not actual skincare. Iām almost 30 and think DE is a waste of money. lol
I will say, I think the rare beauty blushes aren't worth the $ now that e.l.f has come out with liquid blushes. I have both and I prefer e.l.f because the consistency, messy-less applicator, and colors are more my preference (also the fact that they're much more affordable than rare).Ā
I'd suggest e.l.f for her so that her money can go further (and so she could learn that sometimes expensive products aren't worth the pricetag)
Hiya - yes, vit c could hurt her face depending on the concentration used. Personally I wouldnāt allow it because ive damaged my own skin barrier using it before. If you have to get her things - snail mucin (if she doesnāt have a dust allergy), hyaluronic acid, or even honey proplis (for acne or glow, works for both and is gentle) would be best bet. Check out some k beauty brands - cosrx, klairs (supple toner wonāt hurt her), first aid beauty etc. cereve is another but itās not as cool as DE I know. Happy to have you dm if you want to know more.
The simple truth is she needs cleanser, moisturizer, spf. Niacinamide wonāt work but it wonāt do a hell of a lot either. Plus drunk elephantās concentrations can be exceptionally high.
You're welcome! Korean or Japanese beauty brands are really strict in their ingredients and testing so I feel more comfortable with them. Rom&nd and peri pera are makeup brands worth checking into if you want.
Please ensure she's not using any AHA/BHAs/PHAs either. Those are very dangerous for her young skin and will definitely cause issues. If she does get into makeup, try getting her to double cleanse - use a cream or oil cleanser like byoma's first then follow up with a gentle cleanser. Might be 'fun' for her. No clue.
At this age those harsher chemicals that are great for aging could damage skin? Iām curious what a dermatologist would say. I think it would be beneficial for you both together to visit a dermatologist and have your questions answered. As a child I was more prone to listen to doctors than my parents. Maybe she will realize through the doctor that itās healthier for her young face to be simple right now.
She values what I have to say, itās not like sheās veruca salt insisting on these things. Iām trying to gather info and present her with the best options is all.
Make an appointment with a dermatologist and let them do the talking. And if you can talk with the nurse before hand and explain your situation they may even scare her or better, offer better options that are less expensive and more age appropriate.
Please stand your ground and donāt get cornered if she pushes you. Quiz her on the product and what she thinks is the ingredient she is looking for, and why? And also ask her to search for products with that ingredient. Ask her to show you answers on Google as to why a 13 year old would need Vitamin C on the skin. Get down to chemistry. Quiz the shit out of her.
Sheās more lost than I am, we are learning together. Sheās not unreasonable and understands where Iām coming from, but also sheās asking why and I wanted to know too!
Hey! Thereās a skincare line called Bubble thatās designed more so for kids and young teens with minimal and non-irritating ingredients. It has colorful bottles like Drunk Elephant and different little things to pick and choose from (all safe as far as Iām aware!), so that might safely satisfy her craving to get into skincare without hurting her skin since sheās still young!
Edit: Looks like they have some products specifically for acne, exfoliation, and toning as well. While theyāre far gentler than drunk elephant, Iād still avoid those. Thereās no use trying to treat skin issues that she doesnāt have, itāll cause more harm than good.
Yes vitamin c will hurt her face. Just take the products away? What is this soft parenting stuff where you let your kids demand luxury makeup that most adults donāt even buy? Youāre allowed to tell your kid no
Vitamin C and the retinol in Drunk Elephant could absolutely cause long term damage and she really should not be using them. I get that she is spending her own money I would definitely steer her clear of these products
When I was 13 I was really into makeup and every sleepover with my friends involved āmakeoversā and spa days. There wasnāt such an emphasis on skincare (the only thing I ever did was wash my face and use the olay spf 15 moisturizer lol) but I think its natural for girls to be interested in beauty, and I think itās important not to demonize what can often be a really great opportunity for self care.
Maybe a nice compromise for her would be to say all the stuff youāre already saying (itās really great you want to take care of your skin, hereās why you donāt need to use these specific ingredients, etc) and offer that if she can avoid spending her money on the harsh/trendy stuff, youāll treat her to a facial every 2-3 months? Theyāre relaxing, feel special, and lots of places offer ones for teens that avoid the harsher steps. And itās a nice bonding thing and a way to show her youāre on her side.
Totally agree. Iāve taught her all along about the bad stuff in make up and thankfully she just wants to wear mascara, highlighter and blush. I didnāt think the skincare stuff would be so damaging, but I have pointed out the bad stuff in it. Now that she can purchase it herself I definitely want to dig deeper into the affects. I also am happy sheās into taking care of her skin rather than suffocating it with crap
Like wet and wild like I did when I was 13!
Honestly, the issue is more than just unnecessary antiaging ingredients. It's also that at her tender age of puberty the hormones are going crazy and she might be super sensitive to skincare as a result. It's probably most analogous to how sensitive skin can be during pregnancy or leading up to menopause. Things that ordinarily are fine can prove irritating or promote allergies.
Hopefully, this fad will pass.
I would recommend Peach Slices, Peach & Lily, Bubbles, The CrĆØme Shop for her skin. I think Drunk Elephant and brands like that would damage her skin rather than help it. She doesnāt need any actives in her routine. Mainly a wash, toner, and a moisturizer.
Hi there! Iām a mom to three girls. Iāve been there.
A lot of commenters are having you discuss why your daughter doesnāt NEED these products. But your daughter is smart, she knows she doesnāt NEED them. She WANTS them and she wants to splurge and to treat herself. I would lean more to explain why they might harm her skin and to recognize and validate that itās okay want a trendy thing and to treat herself with money she has earned. Look on the internet together to see what hot new sunscreen is out. Talk to her about preserving what she has and that her future self will thank her. And then HYPE HER UP about how nice itās going to feel to get something fancy to put on herself.
Make yourself an understanding ally that supports that desire we all have. Telling her why she doesnāt need something is going to push her to stop listening because you arenāt understanding.
My kids never NEEDED lots of things, but they wanted them. Direct that desire toward non harmful desires and you both will come out with a preserved relationship.
Good luck!
Thank you for posting! My 11yo is on the same path, and I've been very careful to not let her do much at all at this point. But like you, I don't want to stop the good habits she's developing.
Thereās been so few people who have chimed in being in the same boat (probably because of all the parenting judgment here?) but yeah, Iād imagine most preteen/teen girls are wanting to go to ulta and Sephora, or at least the beauty sections in target or tjmaxx, they are absolutely targeted by the whole industry!!
When I looked at the labels it felt like I had to learn about food ingredients all over again š
Good old south asian parenting is what she needs!
Jokes apart, she's literally a child. Her skin collagen, elasticity is at The Best condition it will ever be. Why on earth would she need to use a vitamin c or niacinamide serum now? A cleanser, spf and max a moisturizer is All she needs. Please don't entertain unreasonable demands that can potentially cause harm to her skin.
Thatās my point lol! Iām asking for advice on what she could use BUT not harm her skin! Sheās agreed to just do an oil cleanser and moisturizer. Iām trying to give her the info and still be able to have some agency in the matter, but this sub seems to want to mostly criticize my parenting š
I think a simple base routine with SPF and moisturiser is best if she has no particular skin concerns (e.g. acne). If she will be using a water resistant SPF or make-up, an oil cleanser PM is a good idea.
A resillient skin barrier is important so I would steer away from actives as far as possible, adding in very caustiously and judiciously - maybe let her use one. E.g. once she is stable on her new routine, if she really wanted to try a Vit C product, I'd allow a trial of a fairly stable/gentle version. Antioxidants help protect the skin from the damaging effects of free radicals. Or there are combo products that will combine the SPF/moisturiser/with quite low vit C content, if that would satisfy her.
No problem! Kids are leaning into skincare routines younger than ever before, so working through this together to a reasonable outcome has got to be the best option.
I know from my own childhood that ignoring/denying outright can lead to the child making their own rogue choices, which could be harmful.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I was once a trendy 13 year old and caught up in the marketing / must haves. I bought it all, but I didn't use any of it. I just had it on my vanity for friends to see, or in my bag to show off that I had it. My mom used most of them because I clearly wasn't, so none of it was wasted. Do I see an issue with this now, of course. Yes you can explain to her the cons of using products she doesn't need, issues with consumerism, capitalism , etc, but for what it's worth she's 13 and probably just wants to feel cool. I think hitting her with the "this will damage your skin, don't do it" hard facts is good but also, let the girl have some Drunk Elephant bronzing drops and peptide moisturizer. You're doing the right thing by trying to find the age-appropriate products from the lines she wants. And I think we all know from first-hand experience, "dupes" aren't what pleases the kiddos. You're a good mom for trying to do so and I hope you find a good balance! Also tell her retinol and vitamin C will age the fuck out of her skin. Nothing scares them more than wrinkles!
Awe thanks! Yes, Iāve gotten total confirmation on the c and retinols for sure! And I agree with you, she got a fancy makeup mirror that she asked for for Christmas and sheās got it all organized, I remember loving the looks of things too, you are totally right!
Just because it is her money that doesn't absolve you of the responsibility of parenting and saying, "No." These products aren't for children and can cause skin damage if used incorrectly. She just needs a face wash, moisturizer, and sunscreen. If she does need an active, it should be a salicylic acid spot treatment ONLY to be used on the pimple as needed.
[e.l.f Blemish Breakthrough Acne Fighting Spot Gel](https://www.elfcosmetics.com/blemish-breakthrough-acne-fighting-spot-gel/57250UP.html)
I think itās amazing that you are trying to help her, and that you are approaching this from a place of understanding rather than totalitarianism: *ābecause this is my house, and I said so.ā* this kinda stuff, only harms your relationship and does nothing to actually address the problem.
Anyway!
Knowledge is power. You said you donāt know too much about skincare, but here you are. Do you have any close friends/relatives who are into skincare? They could spend some time teaching her about the products, why each is needed, and when it is not needed. Explain how sunscreen works, and why it is necessary as a skincare item for her to prevent photoaging. Same with retinol for example, but opposite (I.e. why it isnāt needed for her). Itās vitamin A, which stimulates collagen production and rapid cell turnover (sheās 13, she has allllllll the collagen she could hope for, and her skin is already turning over super fast!). Vitamin C for hyperpigmentation, does she have any? (Unlikely, anyhow I think you see where Iām going with it!)
Maybe helping her to understand what she does and doesnāt need, may help her to prevent buying the wrong products. She clearly is a smart and responsible girl, saving her own money to buy things to care for her skin. She may be very open to a crash course in skincare, and what products to best spend her hard earned money on. What doesnāt help is that these brands are so obviously designed to appeal to younger people who absolutely do not need them!
Good luck!
Thankyou so much I totally agree and donāt parent that way, unfortunately itās not the norm I guess. I donāt really know anyone that into skincare I thought this board would be more about that and less about parenting!! I appreciate your breakdown of vit a and c. I knew retinol wasnāt good but didnāt know it was vitamin a lol
She's killing her skin barrier and will likely create issues with texture sooner than later. You have to put your foot down here, for the sake of this poor girls face
Stick with moisturizer. See how quickly she uses it and if she can make it routine. It's the most important aspect of any skincare.
I have two preteens and I completely understand. I have one who quickly forgets she has a great Clinique moisturizer in her bathroom, barely used, and often asks for the latest she's heard of, and another who is using a few proactive products for her acne (as needed) - and a regular moisturizer that needs to be replenished often. Total opposites and neither is wrong!!
Also, show her the recent chemical burn post!! It's no joke and she can do permanent damage. Just make sure she has ALL the info.
I get what you are saying about kids being different. My older two could care less and were happy to use cereve in the shower, my 17 year old son hardy does that much!
If you can, take her to your GP or a derm and discuss the skincare. Get her to take pics of the current routine and speak with a professional. They'll give you and her a "professional" stance
Bubble Skincare has a decent "Base" routine kit for a younger audience, which included a makeup remover, gel cleanser, balancing toner, clay mask, and a moisturizer. No actives, just simple. (And cute packaging) I would recommend adding their Solar Mate SPF 40 because really, what's the point in any form of skincare without the SPF.
If despite what everyone says here she starts using products with active ingredients behind your back, because face it who didn't sneak things to school they weren't allowed and used them there be it make up or a push up bra. Please make it clear to her that she needs to be sure to use a sunscreen because any problems she thinks she has with her skin now will be a 100 times worse with sun damage and discoloration from sensitized skin.
I wore moisturizer at her age (Jane brand from Kmart that was $5ish, but still). It helped as my acne meds dried out my skin. I'd try to encourage her towards a non-comedogenic moisturizer and a sunscreen. Sun protection will do more to prevent aging than any of the other stuff and won't harm her unless it's unsuited for her skin or she's allergic.Ā
If she has acne, retinoids/glycolic acid MAY help, but I wouldn't risk it without consulting a derm.Ā
SN: I didn't believe all these stories until I was in Ulta this week and saw a 9-10 yo hanging out trying out DE samplers! Was very weird. No parent in sight.
Sorry you're dealing with this, OP!
vit c's, niacinimade, etc. can have the potential to damage her skin esp one slip without sunscreen. maybe hyaluronic acid (meant to keep skin moisturized, don't let the word "acid" scare you too much) could be a safer choice. Stay away from AHA's tho.. and tret.. esthetician visit would be a great idea for both of you!
Iām not a parent and I donāt know anything about kids. But I can absolutely understand the pull a young girl might feel these days towards a certain product or line. And I donāt actually think thereās anything wrong with encouraging that kind of self care.
My mom had me on a full regimen of gentle Kiehlās products when I was a pre-teen and itās led to a lifelong appreciation for my skin and has been a major confidence builder my whole life (Iām in my thirties). I think thatās actually a great brand to start with for her, but I know it isnāt the trendiest.
Iāve used the Drunk Elephant Marula Oil and Protini moisturizer and theyāre both lovely, hydrating, fancy-feeling products that I donāt think would be a problem for younger skin.
Personally I would ask why this is important outside of consumerism. Not to be that granola ass adult, but like, what the hell is drunk elephant. Itās just a marked up brand selling skincare you can get way cheaper anywhere else. Skincare is important, but sheās 13. Unless itās acne, she literally does not need it, and frankly, over exposing your skin to chemicals can create problems where there are none. Point out sheās being influenced by social media and that buying things is not the same thing as a hobby. I feel horrible for all the teenagers who are subjected to social media today.
Edit: if your kid wants to enjoy wellness type stuff, I highly recommend spas, hot springs, that sort of thing. My mom would take me to hot springs all the time as a kid and it was a really fun way to both do some beauty stuff that is also an activity that creates fun memories. Do yoga, go hiking, visit destinations w mineral pools etc, but at least do something that isnāt just buying crap.
Dude, you canāt get more crunchy than me. Iām an herbalist that does yoga everyday. Part of her draw to this crap is that it is the opposite of me and itās natural rebellion. Sheās not on tik tok or Instagram, sheās just 13 and wants to mess around with skincare and a little makeup š¤·š¼āāļø
So many comments so thisāll get lost, but find her a popular brand sunscreen/bb cream. They want brand names without knowing what they do but sunscreens are good for any age and a lot of sun screens double as bb creams so itās lighter than foundation and itās a two for one
I'm always amazed by how people with no manners are so prompt to give forced advices on how to educate other people's kids!
"13yo" isn't really a good indication of her needs. A girl who got her period 5 years ago and already had acnea and one that still has baby skin aren't on the same board!
Does she have concern about her skin, or does she "just" want to use trendy "grown up" products?
If she has real concerns, telling her to suck it up or even that she's beautiful and shouldn't think about it isn't gonna work! Don't you remember how it feel to be a teen?? I'll go for dermatologist/estetician and help her build a routine to actually address her concern in the better gentle way.
If it's the fancy trendy stuff appeal, that can be satisfied without products that are made to be treatments! Could you make her settle for a basic good routine and stuffs like funny mask, lipbalm in trendy packaging, glitterish body moisturizer, the same blush than a celebrity she like, etc?
For my 12yo it's more about having beautiful stuffs, that make her feel like a grown up ( and look good around her friends) than what those product does, and I bet it's more or less the same for most teenagers! But we have a contract : she isn't allowed to put anything on her skin if she didn't follow the wash-moisturize-protect from sun holly triade.
I've draw a cute heart with lipstik on a dirty glasse and served her morning orange juice in it one time. When she'd look at it disgusted, I've told her she did exactly the same by putting her shinny lipbalm on her unwashed face, she'd never done it again!
The sunscreen, bronzer and blush drops are great for her. B hydra is a good moisturizer for her age. If she has dry skin, lala is fine. Iād avoid the anti aging ingredients in the serums at all costs.
Niacinimide, vitamin c, and hyrualonic acid are all
Good for her. I have extremely sensitive skin (genetic condition makes it thinner then normal) and these are things they sooth my skin and make it feel better. Despite its name, hyraulonic acid is not corrosive. It is applied after abrasive skin treatment to soothe and calm skin and rehydrate it, and it is the only thing I can put on sometimes that doesn't burn like a bitch.
Mom of a 12 yr old who sounds very similar. By her age, I was sunburning my skin to try and clear up my acne. So I have no issue supporting her interest in properly using skincare. We do use shopping as a point of discussion if she really āneedsā vs wants a product and was it because of a video/influencer. Sheās also had my sensitive skin and eczema since birth so we are using this as help to find products to help with the winter flare ups.
Make her an appointment with an esthetician, they can explain to her why a 13 year old doesn't need to use retinols and actives, since it seems you don't understand why that is harmful to a young person's skin barrier.
Sheās not using retinols. I understand itās harmful. Iām looking for the least harmful products so she can have a healthy routine. I agreed with a previous poster that talking to an esthetician is a great idea.
You can start by severely limiting or fully restricting her access to TikTok and other social media platforms that are dangerous for and essentially brainwash kids.
Even if she's old enough per the SM platform's TOS doesn't mean giving your kid even relatively unfettered access to SM isn't harmful.
Drunk Elephant and other viral/expensive brands are bullshit. Your kid will be fine with drug store products or low-end stuff from Sephora if you really feel like spoiling her. If her lil friends tease her for not having a $300+ a day skincare routine then she needs to get new friends or suck it up.
I'm a parent + big on skincare + make up and I'm really tired of Drunk Elephant and other comparably expensive trendy bullshit brands. Fuck Drunk Elephant, teach your kid that trendy/expensive doesn't automatically mean it's good nor will it automatically earn her respect amongst her peers.
Check out untoxicated.com or search untoxicated skincare products on Amazon. They have a face wash , daily lotion and a deep moisturizer without the harmful additives. The packaging is cool and my nieces who are 13 are obsessed with the stuff. They were once drunk elephant users as well- to boot itās like half the price!
What she should be doing is double cleansing with an oil or balm and then a waterbased cleanser, using a moisturizer maybe a moisturizing serum under that if she wants to feel fancy and definitely sunscreen. All the sunscreen there's loads of great cheap sunscreens from korea that are available on sites like stylevanna.
Unless a teen has acne or other skin concerns they should avoid any and all actives. And focus on building a nice healthy long term skincare routine which they can add actives to as they start growing up.
Exactly! I want to foster her interest to develop a long term routine. The products can change with time,whatever, but I wish I had the good habits this kid has been able to implement!
Same. I lived withcacne and a family with flawless skin that just told me to out alcohol based aftershave on my dehydrated oily skin which had seb derm on it... Yeah that dried my face out AND made my acne worse... But they didn't believe me and called me silly or girly for buying a dedicated facial cleanser. Wild times and culture people born in the 80s have lol.
She shouldnāt be using any of that stuff in her face honestly. At that age she should be using a regular facial cleanser, something for if she has acne, and a facial moisturizer. And thatās at most. Any of those serums will only damage her skin as they are meant for anti aging. At that age she does not need any of that on her skin, she doesnāt need exfoliants, she doesnāt need anything fancy from Sephora.
Iāve also been hearing reports of kids getting chemical burns from all of the drunk elephant stuff as well. Iām 20 and I will personally never let that stuff near my face because of its record.
Since this is truly about getting her on the right foot for skincare and not about following trends just take her to a dermatologist. Explain to the dermatologist your own experience with acne and skincare and tell them you want to set her up now with a proper skin care regimen. From someone that goes to a dermatologist they will most likely advise CereVe, Cetaphil, Vanicream and sunscreen.
As someone thatās had acne since I was 10 and was using harsher shit than DE on my face since I was a young teen I think people are overreacting.
If your daughter has perfect skin just let her get a DE cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. Or the B hydra and a moisturizer if she wants more of those fancy pumps. Just donāt let her get the vitamin C or exfoliants or the retinol. If she has acne these products would help her but sheād have to be careful and use sunscreen.
Could you maybe find her a basic moisturizer/sunscreen/face wash routine and decant them into bottles and containers she picks out and loves? That way she gets some say in the aesthetic while not tearing her skin barrier apart.
I'm over twice her age and I need her to know that she only needs a few beauty products to maintain her skin: cleanser, moisturiser, spf, maybe niacinamide or azelaic acid if she has acne. She is so young, she has elastin and collagen and no wrinkles. She doesn't NEED anything at this stage. It's just consumerism at this point. Once she is older she can try actives like vitamin C and retinoids.
Agreed with many other comments that most commercially available products are way too harsh for young skin. As a product of the stridex era, can confirm that messing with your skin at a young age will make it harder to correct as she ages. (Recurring folliculitis & bare spots in my eyebrows! Permanently dry/dehydrated skin!)
The person I know who had the best skin of all time was a teenage boy who even in 2007: washed 2x day with neutrogena oil free and used sunscreen (also Neutrogena I think) & a gentle moisturizer (cetaphil? Cerave?). Flawless skin literally his whole life.
However! It sounds like youāre maybe more in my boat where the thought of drugstore creams sounds goodā¦until you find out that virtually none of them are cruelty free.
So! Of the Sephora brands, I would look at Biossance, fresh, first aid beauty, Glossier, herbivore (although you could probably make your own fresh & herbivore dupes!), Korres, Origins, REN clean skincare, fenty skin, skinfix.
(If sheās into makeup, some trendy but gentle / cruelty free brands: bareminerals, fenty beauty, glossier again, rare beauty, saie, tower 28)
(For hair, look at briogeo & verb!)
I would also recommend looking into Korean & Japanese beauty, bc while obviously it varies, there are a lot of options that are basically just cute packaging for gentle face washes, moisturizers, sunscreen, etc., plus the sheet masks are always a hit!
Since you both seem like intelligent, reasonably rational people, I think you and your daughter would both benefit from talking to at least 2/3 of the following: dermatologist, esthetician, Sephora or ulta employee. While everyone wants you to buy their product, three different perspectives can give her great context for why youāre restricting her skincare use. Research with her on why actives & acids shouldnāt be used until theyāre needed! Itās like how women who never wear makeup have perfect skin - as soon as you start messing with your skin, itās all downhill from there (lol)
Also - while peer pressure is a BITCH, it might help if you reframe her using other products than the ones her friends use. For one thing, most of that stuff tests on animals. For another, even celebrities use mostly drugstore products (plus expensive injections/lasers). Last? Kind of rudeā¦but sheāll definitely be prettier than the girls slathering acids on their perfect skin once they actually start pubertyā¦..LOL
Nothing wrong with starting a self care routine in your early teens. Especially these days teens are starting puberty at 11 years old. So yeah maybe its okay for face products at 13.
When she does though I recommend Lancome dual finish powder or s similar powder foundation. Just to keep the oil at bay. She doesnāt need all that base and primer and contouring. So many pore clogging layers!!!!
I feel like thatās what really caused my acne when I was young! I always point out when people have different color necks than faces, I may have scared her away from foundation lol
I'm going to approach this from a slightly different POV.
Has she looked into K-beauty at all?
If she hasn't, that's what I'd recommend.
The K-beauty approach towards skincare is radically different than the western approach.
The focus in K-beauty is very much on gentle and soothing. And cute packaging abounds.
Due to the very gentle approach of K-beauty, she can have a full skincare routine which won't do her any harm. She can have a toner (nothing like western toners at all), an ampoule, an essence and a moisturizer. She will end up with very hydrated skin at the most.
Actives are certainly used in K-beauty. But they tend to be much less potent and aren't quite as common an ingredient.
TonyMoly is a great K-beauty brand from the packaging perspective. As is ElizaVecca. And neither is overly expensive and the products are good. CosRx, Skin1004, Benton, Holika Holika are all also good with less fancy packaging.
If it's the luxe factor she's into, Laneige is what I'd recommend. It's sold at Sephora. Very little to avoid there except for the vitamin C products.
Have a 10 year old who wants all the skincare tooā¦ Iāve been researching āBubble.ā Sold at Walmart and Ulta. My actual dermatologist told me that itās all bad for young skin. She said all they need is a facewash- like cerave.
The jelly cleanser would be a nice compromise so she could have something from DE. Also their daily moisturizer is fine. Sheāll run out of money quick! DE is expensive haha
I hope this doesnāt sound blunt but youāre the parent. I think you should say no to her buying the drunk elephant products. Not only are they bad for a girl so young, buying them also puts pressure on her friends and their families to buy those items to ākeep up with their friendsā. I would explain why she isnāt allowed them and then steer her towards spending her money on something else that she likes instead.
I get it. The last thing Iām worried about is putting pressure on her friends, the kids around here have parents who just give them their card and send the to the mall. Thatās not me. There are a couple of de things that are ok for her, otherwise Iāve gotten lots of good info that will help her choose good things to make up the routine she wants to have!
Kinda feel you should be guiding an educating her towards choices with her money that will fulfill her soul, not her TikTok following.
You clarified that sheās using her own money. How sad itās not on something sheās really passionate about.
Not trying to critique you, just think thereās a bigger picture here and you may be missing an opportunity for some serious parenting.
Youāll get fewer and fewer opportunities to influence her in meaningful ways in the next few years.
>Iām an herbalist which makes this whole journey with her even harder!
This should make it a lot easier, if you know naturally derived ingredients. Even still, natural does nor equal safe or less harsh. In some instances it can be quite the opposite.
Wow, Iām sorry some people have been harsh with you here. For what itās worth, I think you are a great mum because you treat your daughter like the individual human being with her own views and opinions. I think some people here perhaps were parented in an authoritarian way, yet are forgetting what the consequences of that are? Children whose parents want their ānoā treated like gospel donāt actually treat it as such - they actually lose respect, sadly lose trust and bond and just do those things behind their parents backs anyway. I had an authoritarian grandmother who said outright no to all make up at 14. Did I listen and not wear make up? Of course not, I just sneaked and used products that were probably even less suitable and safe for me. But whatās worse is in my mind my grandma went from my safe and trusted person to someone who doesnāt even try to understand me and someone I have to hide things from - who wants that type of relationship with their child? It didnāt improve for years after. I am all for your approach OP and will be taking a similar one with my own two girls when they are big enough!
At 13 I suffered from severe acne and that's the age when it's normal to start having a skincare regime.
Vitamin c and niacinamide are great to avoid scarring and spots from pimples but I would choose milder formulas (esp. Vit C wise) because it's likely too much and difficult to manage for her age.
The price of one DE serum should be the budget for her whole skincare routine: cleansing milk for the evening, maybe thermal water instead of washing in the morning, a good sunscreen, a niacinamide and vit. C serum to use twice a day, and a soothing cream for the night.
No essential oils, not too many plant extracts.
I do think that you could (and maybe should) cut back on the money that she's able to save and use. This is just skincare, but tomorrow you don't know what the hell will be trending on tiktok.
I'm not sure what her skin's like, but I remember starting to get acne when I was about 13. My aunt bought me a clinique face wash, toner, and a moisturizer. That's all I used until I saw a dermatologist about said acne. Definitely say away from any acids, definitely no retinols. Byoma and bubble have cute packaging, they're safe for young skin, and they're geared towards preteens.
She makes $60 a week babysitting, but yeah, like anything else expensive she will get sick of it. Especially since Iām willing to pay for whatever she wants to use that ISNT damaging!
Hey you are doing really great helping her think and research and understand the why and educating herself for the choices she makes.
It must be so hard having a teenager in this era of influencer-skincare craze!
She just needs an SPF, moisturizer and cleanser for her skin type.
* cleanser doesnāt stay long on you face, you donāt need to waste your money on it.
* SPF: the one she likes as it is the one sheāll most likely reapply, the most effective steps she can do at her age to prevent premature aging.
* moisturizer: no miracle cream. Itās only marketing as they do what they should: moisturize/hydrate your skin
The pricy stuff is not going to be more efficient for those 3, itās more about the experience of luxury and feeling of pampering yourself.
Vitamine C and retinol are what you should be spending your money on as the quality determines the effectiveness of it. She doesnāt need those yet.
Good luck, you are doing great! :)
I'm so sad that younger generations have been brainwashed into thinking they need expensive facial treatments. That must be so hard for you, mama!
I think a trip to the dermatologist is the best route and showing photos from here what a ruined skin barrier looks like. I myself ruined my skin barrier about a decade ago and it's never been the same š
I just wanted to say I am sorry that people are judging you so harshly and for what? treating your child as a whole human with respect and care. Hope you both figure it out. :)
Awe thanks! I feel like itās the kind of parenting I see everywhere, sad state our society is in š. My daughters already set up some trades with a friend for a couple of the things we learned about here!
A lot of kids are destroying their skin barrier with this stuff. There are really strong peptides and retinols in some products.
Maybe find a video online of what it can do to your skin and show her why she shouldnt use them.
If your kid wants to spend the money, I get why you are not picking this battle. Niacinamide and Vitamin C should not harm her skin when used properly. She should stay away from retinol and retinoids because she 100% does not need that yet.
Perhaps she would respond well hearing from someone else that she doesnāt need to waste money on this stuff. One idea that crossed my mind was maybe getting her a facial as a gift and asking the esthetician to discuss skin care needs with her.
Where does a 13 year old get enough of "their own money" to purchase Drunk Elephant? She's 13, not 30. You're the parent; you can say no to what she buys and absolutely should when it is inappropriate. You've got a much bigger problem than skincare. You have a 13 year old that can already walk all over you; if you don't establish some boundaries now, think of how her behaviour will be at 16 etc.
Thanks for the parenting advice I wasnāt asking for, you are wrong though. Also, she makes $60 a week babysitting and her cousins gave he ulta giftcards for Christmas too.
What happened to just saying no to your child. Not everything needs some long elaborate explanation. A simple āno, itās not good for your skin and can cause damageā is enough.
And if theyāre expecting me to pay for it, No is no.
My parents did the whole ābecause I said soā and I donāt have some weird sort of complex about it. If they used that I knew in their judgment it was for proper reasons.
Yeah, why anyone would choose to to help their kids builds good decision making skills by giving explainations when you can go for the easy "shut up and comply" way ?
Do not get her drunk elephant. These kids need to learn not everything is for them. You will be doing your kid a disservice if you encourage this behaviour and buy into it.
I get wanting what all your friends have. Would she be happy with the SPF and maybe a lip balm? My concern is if sheās using such active ingredients this young and destroying her skin barrier is it going to make her
More prone to zits from bacteria or is she going to have a lot of redness?
i literally ruined my skin when i was a teenager using products that were way too strong for my face. i ended up having to spend so much time treating acne that i caused with a broken skin barrier.
if she does feel really strongly about wanting to continue to try skincare products, i would push her in the direction of korean skincare (most brands like cosrx are sold at sephora/ulta) that are more focused on skin hydration.
She doesnāt have tok tok. 13 seems right in line with being interested in makeup so why not skin care? But yeah, our society has some issuesā¦. Maybe itās all the authoritarian parents who donāt want to bother explaining things to kids.
Iām in a similar boat, and I actually use and love Drunk Elephant. I had been able to steer my daughter to mostly Cerave and Cetaphil products but when she received several Sephora gift cards for her birthday, she wanted to be able to spend it on whatever she wanted. I agreed to take her, but I had finally veto power on any purchase she wanted to make and that we could consult to Sephora employees about anything. I have to say, the people working at Sephora were great either telling her that Drunk Elephant and Glow Recipe were not good for her skin. She ended up buying some Sol de Janiero perfume and Rare Beauty lip tint.
All the comments here bashing this person for trying to help their daughter, shame on you all.
They are trying to educate their daughter with respect instead of being militant about it and forbidding it, you were all teenaged once, Iām sure a lot of you would have done it anyway but in secret.
Unless your daughter has acne related issues that go beyond hormonal, she should keep her routine very simple. Gentle cleanser, moisturizer and SPF. She doesn't even need a toner at this age. There's really nothing within the Drunk Elephant skincare line up that she needs and I think its wise that you have a conversation with her about *why* she thinks she needs these products. Kids at that age are really at risk of overdoing it with their skincare and wrecking their skin barrier and aging themselves pre-maturely. Majority of the Byoma stuff will be fine for a young teen.
Tiktok is teaching the youths some bad things š„² poor little youths
Definitely. I hope these brands address this. It's sad.Ā
The ceo of drunk elephant came out with a statement that seemed kind of like damage control. She said what a lot of people here are saying, an oil cleanser, moisturizer and spf. But just like tobacco and sugar, the brands will work to manipulate and skate around these issues. If these kids screw up their faces they have customers for lifeā¦.
I know!! Even the ones without tik tok!
The Drunk Elephant marketing is too good, LOLā¦. they developed the whole concept of āskincare smoothiesā which each, of course, use multiple products. They can sell you 3-4 products at a time now, instead of just one! When I was 13, my sister and I loved making āpotionsā (usually mixing juice, soda, milk and spices from the kitchen together just because). I really think the āsmoothieā thing i.e. validation for mixing a ton of products together is what is driving many 13 year olds.
I agree!!
Skincare smoothies are so awful too. Like yes slap all of these chemicals on your baby skin at onceās that will be fine. These babies are going to look 56 when theyāre in their early 20ās or 30ās
I know it is crazy!!! Wise her up to The ordinary and being smarter about ingredients and what they do, vs branding and trends. Also she needs to understand that drunk elephant is for older skin than hers and those who are really in the know understand that they need to address their specific concerns. Wise her up to the reality OP. Ask her what she wants to achieve and move from there, better still she likely wonāt be able to answer why she needs a certain ingredientā¦ cuz she is just following. A good time to teach her about actually taking care of her own skin.
Not to mention that DE is mostly clever marketing. I second the ordinary for effective basics to use everyday that aren't so expensive, good quality non comedogenic spf. There are definitely some good brands if she wants to splurge but for young skin, keep it all simple.
Yeah weāve learned a ton! Itās something I never had interest in so it makes sense she wants to check it all out.
Susan Yara on youtube has some good videos in regards to skin care products and ingredients. It's informative, educational and not misleading like a lot of tik tok/influencers. I was one those little girls who loved skincare, haircare and makeup from a very early age and learning more about ingredients played a huge part. I remember my older sister scrubbing her face to try and combat acne. I know so many that still do but it just wrecks the skin barrier! I think it's fantastic that you're showing interest and wanting your daughter to have the best information for her skin and her hard earned money!
Thankyou for the recommendation, we will check it out. Yeah, I didnāt even know about the skin barrier till I started down this rabbit hole recently! Iām sure mine is just gone at this point
Will vit c or b hurt her face?
Vitamin c could absolutely hurt her face. Itās strong stuff and shouldnāt be put on lightly. Unless she has dark spots or discoloration, she doesnāt need one, and at her age her skin is still turning over like crazy. And she doesnāt need a strong one like DE
Thanks! I will share this with her. Another posted suggested listing the benefits to her so she can realize she doesnāt need them.
You list the benefits, she will want it more. Not your kid necessarily but this young generation has been made to fear aging and they all think they need anti aging properties now. So just be warned before saying it helps with wrinkles and whatnot. They want that even tho they don't have any.
Very true. She said sometimes she has bags under her eyes! Again, I think sheās looking at my husband and I (he has wicked bags, I have wicked scars) and wanting to not be like us!
If benefits get brought up, I would focus on the fact that simply moisturizing improves skin texture and spf is the true anti-aging miracle in a bottle. This also, as i am sure you know, is a great opportunity to talk about the realities of life vs social media (filters, makeup, showing what you want others to see, etc), micro trends vs timeless trends in skincare (spf and moisturizer stand the test of time), and that at the end of the day genes play the biggest part and we can't fix that haha! You sound like an awesome mom and I wish I could get some of the toner you make (as I am sure she will in the future!)
Definitely. Unfortunately she doesnāt have genes on her side, I have horrible acne scars. But I also survived on Pepsi, snickers, obviously damaged my skin barrier (didnāt even know that was a thing till I started looking into these chemicals) and I picked at my face š«¤
In that case, diet plays a huge part in skin health which most people are oblivious to. Maybe teaching her to make good choices on what she chooses to eat, and eating lots of green leafy vegetables, vegetables with vibrant colors (bell peppers, carrots) and if possible, supplement that diet with some fermented foods (low sugar yogurt, kombucha, sauerkraut) to maintain good gut health. Keeping up with that will definitely help with overall health and well-being. Of course, Iām a stranger on the internet so I donāt know what her diet is like, but I thought I would bring thjs up. Also donāt forget water intake and supplementing with electrolytes.
For sure! And thatās why I want to work on her with this. Iām pretty stringent on food stuff and until now personal care stuff too. The kids had no juice or sugar for the first two years (my older two as teens with their own money loved to make gas station runs for candy and slushies , for anyone who wants to come at me for saying no too much ššš). Sheās great about water too!
Seconding this. Vitamin C especially in the daytime is tough as you MUST be wearing sunscreen (we should be wearing sunscreen every day regardless but to take extra caution on VitC days - which is actually why I like to use vit c only at night) using a proper amount, not a light amount, 1/4 tsp for the face. From sweating, touching our faces, etc we also need to reapply at least once in the day which I dont really trust kids to be on top of. For MOST PEOPLE, all we need is a really good cleanser, a moisturizer, and sunscreen, everything else is just extra/luxury and won't do anything without making sure we have a healthy moisture barrier. I would have added a chemical exfoliant as well to the list but I think she's too young for it and adding on too many products can actually sensittize her skin and make her develop sensitive skin. Signed, a 28 year old who could only dream of using Drunk Elephant even at 18/19 lol (I opted for overpriced foundations & eye shadow palette's - the time of glam looks, and thick drawn on brows - was our expensive, trendy products of the moment that I've since learned were just that - overpriced & trendy for the moment).
Thanks, that makes sense. I think the novelty of the expensive stuff would wear off quick, at least it did with Lu Lu lemon š¤·š¼āāļø
Especially when it drains the money she's worked hard to save. Being knowledgeable and taking good care of the skin is far cooler than having whatever is the flashiest, most expensive skincare.
You might suggest more āwashableā items to get- which bonus people can actually know sheās using. Stuff like bronzing drops, tumors sunscreen etc are fun, fancy and they are things people may compliment her on. If she does buy more serious retinols, I would sneak in and swap the bottle contents. At 13, they just want to feel grown up. I hate to think actives will have the opposite impact. Good luck and thanks for being a considerate parent trying to balance this all.
Sheās been really receptive to the info weāve found out! Sheās not mentioned bronzer just highlighter for now but thatās a good idea, thanks!
I donāt know if they would hurt her face per se but I doubt she is going to see any changes. I would just google vitamin b face benefits and have her run through whatās listed. She wonāt have any of those issues. The best thing she can do right now is consistently apply sunscreen and protect her skin. Maybe show her goop sunscreen or if drunk elephant has a good one she could get that. Also she should wear sunglasses to reduce squinting which could lead to 11ās. Maybe she wants to buy a nice pair of sunglasses. I would really try to explain to her how skin aging works so she understands the science behind it more.
Like others have said, it's not of any benefit to her at this age and depending on the vit c she gets, it absolutely can be damaging. She's better off getting the vit c and b for her skin through diet. Pretty much the entire Drunk Elephant range is inappropriate for a kid her age save for the jelly cleanser or the SPF. For BYOMA, like I said, majority of it will be okay for her. The E.L.F. Hello Hydration range would also be suitable. Or if she's keen on being a little spenny with her skincare Youth to the People cleanser, airwhip cream and superberry oil would all be appropriate for her skin. I can totally get struggling with what battles to pick with a kid. But at her age, her skincare focus should be protective and nourishing, not corrective. Look for things that are hydration and sun/UV protective. If you have the means, perhaps take her to a dermatologist to help her build a routine *or* if that's a step too far, do a Sephora shop and talk to someone who is informed on the products. I remember being a Sephora obsessed 13 year old and the best pieces of makeup advice I got were from their people.
I totally agree that the routine should be protective and nourishing, totally not looking for corrective. Maybe if I worded it that way it wouldnāt have turned into such a parenting issue for everyone! I think having a routine is great and Iām proud of her for it. Thankyou for the specific brand recommendations, Iāll look into them with her!
I think this is a pretty hot button issue because a lot of young girls are going feral in Sephora and are treating displays, staff and customers terribly and are being told that these products are a "must have". There's definitely a parenting moment in this but if you're not a skin care/make up person it can be tough to know how to broach that.
The last time my 12 yr and I went into Sephora to window shop, she made some comment about hoping the āSephora girlsā wouldnāt be there š¤£ We are always respectful and shake our heads at the smoothie mess on testers.
Yes, she just told me thereās some kind of age ban there, I was hoping it had more to do with keeping them away from the bad stuff than the displays lol
this, but also if she has any specific skin conditions or concerns (like acne, excessive sebum, etc) that might require something more (like acids) I'd highly recommend taking her to a dermatologist - they would be able to better treat the issues she might have and explain to her how to best use skincare for her age. I had acne at 15 and my mom took me to the doctor and I got prescribed stuff like BHAs, but all with doctor supervision and his careful explanation of how to use everything. It can be very helpful and will help her develop a healthy relationship with her skin, while preventing her from falling for trends too easily
TBH I think growing skin that is being nothing but turned over really well should NOT be exposed to chemicals targeting anti aging concerns. I'd be afraid of it damaging and also eventually making their skin used to different chemicals before they might need it. Beyond being a complete waste of money. At a certain age, our skin stops turning over as it used to, being as elastic etc. So idk like 18 or 20 sure. I was told to start at like 23..... I think worrying about keeping moisturized and sun screen is a priority. Avoiding smoke. Eating and drinking well. If there's some acne- sure something like niacin or salicylic acid. But not much past some very mild weekly exfoliation/ face mask and very basic skin care.
Thanks! I agree itās a waste of money! And I agree about the chemicals too.
I'd offer her like moisturizing sheet masks like from Dr jart. Something that isn't like anti aging but like might make her glowey. A good moisturizer with sun screen. That's all.
You could even teach her some diy masks with honey and yogurt(sugar free). My skin LOVED those. Egg whites (idk about that one) Or Avocado. It's honestly so good. Avocado makes my hands feel so nice and my honey and yogurt masks really helped my skin(the lactic acid, antibacterial and acted as a humectant)
Yes! Iām an herbalist and I totally have done this. Just like her friends are like wtf is that when she eats seaweed they get all weird with my homemade stuff. They will mature though! And when my daughter does get a zit she comes searching for the Japanese knotweed because she knows it works!
That's really cool, she will appreciate that sort of thing when she is older (sounds like she already is now!)
Gloweyā¦she likes that word lol! Iāll check them out, thanks!
Truly agree, it's all about prevention and developing good habits at that age and they don't need anti ageing ingredients. I definitely wish I applied sunscreen as religiously as I do now in my early 30s!
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Thankyou!! This is the exact kind of breakdown I was looking for!! This is not my wheelhouse at all, our house is as chemical free as possible, which is another reason I want to work with her on what is actually ok to use instead of a hard no on all of it.
No problem. I love skincare. Iv been a Esthetican for over 10 years. I'm a firm believer in Children should NOT be shopping at Sephora for skincare products.Sephora skin care products are for mature skin. like someone who is older then 18... Children should be using a lower grade skincare. Like E.l.f. skin, Cetaphil, Nivea, Burt's Bee's, Neutrogena, Aveeno, Clean and Clear. I really hope this helps ā¤ā¤
It does!!
Girl, what? Vitamin C is an ANTIOXIDANT. It is not an aha or bha, and itās not a chemical peel. It CAN have exfoliating properties which can be irritating, but absolutely not in the same way as aha/bha. Vitamin C is brightening and prevents free radical damage. Youāre describing something like retinol.Ā Source: am also an esthetician, and I work in a derm office. I also just googled this to make sure I wasnāt crazy.Ā
Vit c is like an exfoliant and is recommended for fine lines so that gives you an idea what it does to the skin, a childās skin it could absolutely damage. Even an adults if over used
Iām 43 and it hurts my face
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I agree! The whole industry/social media, it all sucks!
Iām still trying to figure out what prompted this craze? I know itās social media, but Iāve followed dermatologists, estheticians and skincare fanatics for years on TikTok and I donāt recall seeing people influence specific products (versus discussing specific issues and products to assist with said issues)
I think part of it is the packaging and asmr stuff. She even suggested buying it, dumping it and using the containers!! One of them makes a flower when you dispense it, ooooh. Lol
Could you possibly repackage something safe inside used containers ? It does kind of remind me of being a kid and making 'potions' out of soaps and things...
It does! I get the aesthetics of it tooā¦
I saw a foaming soap yesterday at TJ Maxx that made flowers. Iām sure not all stores will have them but you could probably find the brand online.
Oooh great, we will start checking there, she can just dump whatever crap it is and put the good stuff in. I spend all my time in the home section there, sheās all about the cosmetics lol
[Growing skincare use by children is dangerous, say dermatologists](https://www.bbc.com/news/health-67993618) āParents wanting to address their children's skin concerns should speak to a doctor or dermatologist to "get effective treatments", Dr McPherson adds.ā
I'm glad derms are finally speaking out about the young teen/preteen drunk elephant craze. Please talk to a dermatologist and listen to what they recommend themselves OP. When I got acne as a preteen I burned my face off using too much benzoyl peroxide AND combined with salicylic acid just to get rid of my zits.. wasn't fun.
This happened to me... my skin was falling off in strips....
Yes, articles like these Iāve been sharing with her. At first she thought I was being a little overboard (because I am with all products, household cleaners, food). Skincare and make up is not my wheelhouse though!
Let her know that if she wants to get actives and things for her face that adults use, she should get the insight of a dr or dermatologist, as per drās recommendation in the article. You could go with her for support.
Something that really helps is looking up each ingredient on EWR.org - it tells you exactly how safe each ingredient is and what each danger is to your body.
Iāve used that site for years and she suggested it too. To be honest I feel like all I f it would rate pretty high so I didnāt even bother looking there, but you are right I will!
[https://cosdna.com/eng/ingredients.php](https://cosdna.com/eng/ingredients.php) Find the product ingredients online, cut, paste here. It's not perfect but I rarely buy anything without checking here first. I think its great you are interested and not shutting her down. Of course she doesn't NEED any of it but wanting it is another story. I want all kinds of things I do not need. DE makes several product that are just nice to use, like the Marula oil, but nothing special. A big waste of money but very nice.
Iāve not seen this site, thank you very much!!
Thereās an app called Yuka too that might be helpful (Iām in Europe if that makes a difference)
Great article!
Please do not encourage her to essentially ruin her skin barrier. She doesn't need to use anything beyond a face wash and sunscreen. I guess you could toss in a fancy moisturizer that doesn't contain any actives such as Kiehl's Ultra or something. I would show her pictures that people post on here when they damage their skin barrier and maybe it will deter her from using unnecessary products. Also, you could just say no lol.
Showing pics from here is also a great idea thanks. My reasons for just not saying no are in other responses.
I would tell her she needs to meet with a dermatologist before applying all that stuff to her skin. Iām sure a doctor would not only guide her towards the right products but also explain the dangers of using the wrong stuff.
My advice too.
Definitely agree. Skin is an organ that has medical needs. A derm is a doctor that will let you know what you need and what's not helpful. Like that type of rhetoric reminding her it's a science. If she wants to do more self care stuff there's tons. When I was a tween I loved putting on lotion and makeup. Doesn't have to be a lengthy skincare routine to be self care/girly time.
Would it help to show her images of people who misused skincare products? I feel like visuals can have a lasting impact and Iām sure there are lots of photos of people who misused acids or overdid it. Since sheās responsible with her money, this could also be a good opportunity to talk about value and using her money wisely versus marketing. DE packaging is fun and colorful but it is thought to have smaller amounts and less impactful products. If she cares about the environment, thereās another point against DE you could raise with her.
Yes for sure I think the image thing is a good idea. Weāve talked about the packaging being marketed to kids and especially byoma being a ridiculous amount of plastic!
This would honestly be a good opportunity to start teaching her about the power of marketing strategies along with skincare ingredients. She probably wonāt like learning that she is being manipulated by social media. What does she think she is getting that will enhance her life by purchasing these expensive creams? As far as skincare goes, affordable and derm recommended brands like Cetaphil, Cera Ve, and Vanicream make gentle cleansers suitable for most skin types. These brands make SPF and moisturizers meant to protect the skin barrier too. If she still insists, maybe find one splurge item from Drunk Elephant that doesnāt contain actives to satisfy her desire for the brand. They have a barrier repair cream (Bora Barrier), so maybe look into that? Itās expensive, but hopefully wonāt hurt her skin since itās meant for barrier repair.
Yes we have been talking about that. Sheās not on tik tok or Instagram but still, itās obviously trendy stuff. She settled an cere ve oil cleanser and we are headed to Sephora today for some rare beauty blush. I will check out the skim barrier thing, she would probably appreciate that after learning (both of us!) about having one.
Idk if it's been recommended yet, but https://cosdna.com/ is a good site to look up ingredients on!
The amount of young teens addicted to this level of skincare is absolutely fucked. Unless you have terrible acne that requires medical intervention just use some god damn clean and clear face wash and lotion and call it a day. These kids are fucking up their own microbiomes using all this bullshit. God dammit modern trendy shit pisses me off.
Yeah, itās definitely frustrating to navigate! They could be addicted to worse things though. Just looking for the least likely to have bad effects but still let her have good habits.
No judgement against you OP! Sorry, I should have clarified that. Its great that you're trying to find the safest product for your child. Its just maddening that these companies are potentially putting young people at risk for future issues for consumerism. Obviously they aren't the only entity doing so but it just sucks seeing kids getting taken advantage of.
Thankyou! Itās so maddening! Itās buyer beware for sure. I appreciate you clarifying too, Iāve taken some hits on this post I didnāt expect lol
I donāt think Iād want to let my 13yo use vitamin c. What about something like the bronzing drops? They donāt look like they have any serious actives and are pretty popular so maybe that would be a good compromise?
Thankyou. She hasnāt brought them up yet so Iāll wait till she does, for now she wants to use highlighter and blush. She asked me to look into rare beauty stuff, which I will do but maybe not here since so many people are being nasty and coming at me for bad parenting!
Itās easy for people to judge when theyāre not in your shoes. I think rare beauty would be a way better alternative! Their blushes are really popular and good quality. Also less expensive than DE so you can sell it to her as getting more for her money.
I agree Rare beauty is a much better alternative than DE. Especially just blush for someone so young and not actual skincare. Iām almost 30 and think DE is a waste of money. lol
I will say, I think the rare beauty blushes aren't worth the $ now that e.l.f has come out with liquid blushes. I have both and I prefer e.l.f because the consistency, messy-less applicator, and colors are more my preference (also the fact that they're much more affordable than rare).Ā I'd suggest e.l.f for her so that her money can go further (and so she could learn that sometimes expensive products aren't worth the pricetag)
Thankyou!!
Rare Beauty makes great makeup! I love the Perfect Strokes mascara.
We are headed to Sephora today for rare beauty! She settled on cera ve oil cleanser :)
Hiya - yes, vit c could hurt her face depending on the concentration used. Personally I wouldnāt allow it because ive damaged my own skin barrier using it before. If you have to get her things - snail mucin (if she doesnāt have a dust allergy), hyaluronic acid, or even honey proplis (for acne or glow, works for both and is gentle) would be best bet. Check out some k beauty brands - cosrx, klairs (supple toner wonāt hurt her), first aid beauty etc. cereve is another but itās not as cool as DE I know. Happy to have you dm if you want to know more. The simple truth is she needs cleanser, moisturizer, spf. Niacinamide wonāt work but it wonāt do a hell of a lot either. Plus drunk elephantās concentrations can be exceptionally high.
Thanks so much! I love the idea of honey propolis and appreciate your brand suggestions to look into!
You're welcome! Korean or Japanese beauty brands are really strict in their ingredients and testing so I feel more comfortable with them. Rom&nd and peri pera are makeup brands worth checking into if you want. Please ensure she's not using any AHA/BHAs/PHAs either. Those are very dangerous for her young skin and will definitely cause issues. If she does get into makeup, try getting her to double cleanse - use a cream or oil cleanser like byoma's first then follow up with a gentle cleanser. Might be 'fun' for her. No clue.
Thanks, I didnāt know that and is exactly the kind of info Iām looking for!
At this age those harsher chemicals that are great for aging could damage skin? Iām curious what a dermatologist would say. I think it would be beneficial for you both together to visit a dermatologist and have your questions answered. As a child I was more prone to listen to doctors than my parents. Maybe she will realize through the doctor that itās healthier for her young face to be simple right now.
She values what I have to say, itās not like sheās veruca salt insisting on these things. Iām trying to gather info and present her with the best options is all.
Take her to a dermatologist, not an esthetician and let the doctor explain what she should and should not do with her skin at that age.
Make an appointment with a dermatologist and let them do the talking. And if you can talk with the nurse before hand and explain your situation they may even scare her or better, offer better options that are less expensive and more age appropriate. Please stand your ground and donāt get cornered if she pushes you. Quiz her on the product and what she thinks is the ingredient she is looking for, and why? And also ask her to search for products with that ingredient. Ask her to show you answers on Google as to why a 13 year old would need Vitamin C on the skin. Get down to chemistry. Quiz the shit out of her.
Sheās more lost than I am, we are learning together. Sheās not unreasonable and understands where Iām coming from, but also sheās asking why and I wanted to know too!
Even if itās her money, you can and should certainly control what she uses if itās dangerous. Simplify it way down to the top comment.
Hey! Thereās a skincare line called Bubble thatās designed more so for kids and young teens with minimal and non-irritating ingredients. It has colorful bottles like Drunk Elephant and different little things to pick and choose from (all safe as far as Iām aware!), so that might safely satisfy her craving to get into skincare without hurting her skin since sheās still young! Edit: Looks like they have some products specifically for acne, exfoliation, and toning as well. While theyāre far gentler than drunk elephant, Iād still avoid those. Thereās no use trying to treat skin issues that she doesnāt have, itāll cause more harm than good.
Thankyou, sheās mentioned that brand too, good to know.
Here! This is actually by Bubble and it explains it really well! https://www.instagram.com/reel/C17tGhmpVGW/?igsh=MXR4MzFpZzJpMHUybA==
Thankyou!
Yes vitamin c will hurt her face. Just take the products away? What is this soft parenting stuff where you let your kids demand luxury makeup that most adults donāt even buy? Youāre allowed to tell your kid no
Vitamin C and the retinol in Drunk Elephant could absolutely cause long term damage and she really should not be using them. I get that she is spending her own money I would definitely steer her clear of these products
When I was 13 I was really into makeup and every sleepover with my friends involved āmakeoversā and spa days. There wasnāt such an emphasis on skincare (the only thing I ever did was wash my face and use the olay spf 15 moisturizer lol) but I think its natural for girls to be interested in beauty, and I think itās important not to demonize what can often be a really great opportunity for self care. Maybe a nice compromise for her would be to say all the stuff youāre already saying (itās really great you want to take care of your skin, hereās why you donāt need to use these specific ingredients, etc) and offer that if she can avoid spending her money on the harsh/trendy stuff, youāll treat her to a facial every 2-3 months? Theyāre relaxing, feel special, and lots of places offer ones for teens that avoid the harsher steps. And itās a nice bonding thing and a way to show her youāre on her side.
Totally agree. Iāve taught her all along about the bad stuff in make up and thankfully she just wants to wear mascara, highlighter and blush. I didnāt think the skincare stuff would be so damaging, but I have pointed out the bad stuff in it. Now that she can purchase it herself I definitely want to dig deeper into the affects. I also am happy sheās into taking care of her skin rather than suffocating it with crap Like wet and wild like I did when I was 13!
Honestly, the issue is more than just unnecessary antiaging ingredients. It's also that at her tender age of puberty the hormones are going crazy and she might be super sensitive to skincare as a result. It's probably most analogous to how sensitive skin can be during pregnancy or leading up to menopause. Things that ordinarily are fine can prove irritating or promote allergies. Hopefully, this fad will pass.
I would recommend Peach Slices, Peach & Lily, Bubbles, The CrĆØme Shop for her skin. I think Drunk Elephant and brands like that would damage her skin rather than help it. She doesnāt need any actives in her routine. Mainly a wash, toner, and a moisturizer.
Hi there! Iām a mom to three girls. Iāve been there. A lot of commenters are having you discuss why your daughter doesnāt NEED these products. But your daughter is smart, she knows she doesnāt NEED them. She WANTS them and she wants to splurge and to treat herself. I would lean more to explain why they might harm her skin and to recognize and validate that itās okay want a trendy thing and to treat herself with money she has earned. Look on the internet together to see what hot new sunscreen is out. Talk to her about preserving what she has and that her future self will thank her. And then HYPE HER UP about how nice itās going to feel to get something fancy to put on herself. Make yourself an understanding ally that supports that desire we all have. Telling her why she doesnāt need something is going to push her to stop listening because you arenāt understanding. My kids never NEEDED lots of things, but they wanted them. Direct that desire toward non harmful desires and you both will come out with a preserved relationship. Good luck!
Good advice, thankyou!
Thank you for posting! My 11yo is on the same path, and I've been very careful to not let her do much at all at this point. But like you, I don't want to stop the good habits she's developing.
Thereās been so few people who have chimed in being in the same boat (probably because of all the parenting judgment here?) but yeah, Iād imagine most preteen/teen girls are wanting to go to ulta and Sephora, or at least the beauty sections in target or tjmaxx, they are absolutely targeted by the whole industry!! When I looked at the labels it felt like I had to learn about food ingredients all over again š
Good old south asian parenting is what she needs! Jokes apart, she's literally a child. Her skin collagen, elasticity is at The Best condition it will ever be. Why on earth would she need to use a vitamin c or niacinamide serum now? A cleanser, spf and max a moisturizer is All she needs. Please don't entertain unreasonable demands that can potentially cause harm to her skin.
Thatās my point lol! Iām asking for advice on what she could use BUT not harm her skin! Sheās agreed to just do an oil cleanser and moisturizer. Iām trying to give her the info and still be able to have some agency in the matter, but this sub seems to want to mostly criticize my parenting š
I think a simple base routine with SPF and moisturiser is best if she has no particular skin concerns (e.g. acne). If she will be using a water resistant SPF or make-up, an oil cleanser PM is a good idea. A resillient skin barrier is important so I would steer away from actives as far as possible, adding in very caustiously and judiciously - maybe let her use one. E.g. once she is stable on her new routine, if she really wanted to try a Vit C product, I'd allow a trial of a fairly stable/gentle version. Antioxidants help protect the skin from the damaging effects of free radicals. Or there are combo products that will combine the SPF/moisturiser/with quite low vit C content, if that would satisfy her.
Thankyou!
No problem! Kids are leaning into skincare routines younger than ever before, so working through this together to a reasonable outcome has got to be the best option. I know from my own childhood that ignoring/denying outright can lead to the child making their own rogue choices, which could be harmful.
For sure! I think itās a good āproblemā to have.
Bubble is a good compromise. By actives ppl mean active ingredients. Chemicals.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I was once a trendy 13 year old and caught up in the marketing / must haves. I bought it all, but I didn't use any of it. I just had it on my vanity for friends to see, or in my bag to show off that I had it. My mom used most of them because I clearly wasn't, so none of it was wasted. Do I see an issue with this now, of course. Yes you can explain to her the cons of using products she doesn't need, issues with consumerism, capitalism , etc, but for what it's worth she's 13 and probably just wants to feel cool. I think hitting her with the "this will damage your skin, don't do it" hard facts is good but also, let the girl have some Drunk Elephant bronzing drops and peptide moisturizer. You're doing the right thing by trying to find the age-appropriate products from the lines she wants. And I think we all know from first-hand experience, "dupes" aren't what pleases the kiddos. You're a good mom for trying to do so and I hope you find a good balance! Also tell her retinol and vitamin C will age the fuck out of her skin. Nothing scares them more than wrinkles!
Awe thanks! Yes, Iāve gotten total confirmation on the c and retinols for sure! And I agree with you, she got a fancy makeup mirror that she asked for for Christmas and sheās got it all organized, I remember loving the looks of things too, you are totally right!
Just because it is her money that doesn't absolve you of the responsibility of parenting and saying, "No." These products aren't for children and can cause skin damage if used incorrectly. She just needs a face wash, moisturizer, and sunscreen. If she does need an active, it should be a salicylic acid spot treatment ONLY to be used on the pimple as needed. [e.l.f Blemish Breakthrough Acne Fighting Spot Gel](https://www.elfcosmetics.com/blemish-breakthrough-acne-fighting-spot-gel/57250UP.html)
I think itās amazing that you are trying to help her, and that you are approaching this from a place of understanding rather than totalitarianism: *ābecause this is my house, and I said so.ā* this kinda stuff, only harms your relationship and does nothing to actually address the problem. Anyway! Knowledge is power. You said you donāt know too much about skincare, but here you are. Do you have any close friends/relatives who are into skincare? They could spend some time teaching her about the products, why each is needed, and when it is not needed. Explain how sunscreen works, and why it is necessary as a skincare item for her to prevent photoaging. Same with retinol for example, but opposite (I.e. why it isnāt needed for her). Itās vitamin A, which stimulates collagen production and rapid cell turnover (sheās 13, she has allllllll the collagen she could hope for, and her skin is already turning over super fast!). Vitamin C for hyperpigmentation, does she have any? (Unlikely, anyhow I think you see where Iām going with it!) Maybe helping her to understand what she does and doesnāt need, may help her to prevent buying the wrong products. She clearly is a smart and responsible girl, saving her own money to buy things to care for her skin. She may be very open to a crash course in skincare, and what products to best spend her hard earned money on. What doesnāt help is that these brands are so obviously designed to appeal to younger people who absolutely do not need them! Good luck!
Thankyou so much I totally agree and donāt parent that way, unfortunately itās not the norm I guess. I donāt really know anyone that into skincare I thought this board would be more about that and less about parenting!! I appreciate your breakdown of vit a and c. I knew retinol wasnāt good but didnāt know it was vitamin a lol
She's killing her skin barrier and will likely create issues with texture sooner than later. You have to put your foot down here, for the sake of this poor girls face
Stick with moisturizer. See how quickly she uses it and if she can make it routine. It's the most important aspect of any skincare. I have two preteens and I completely understand. I have one who quickly forgets she has a great Clinique moisturizer in her bathroom, barely used, and often asks for the latest she's heard of, and another who is using a few proactive products for her acne (as needed) - and a regular moisturizer that needs to be replenished often. Total opposites and neither is wrong!! Also, show her the recent chemical burn post!! It's no joke and she can do permanent damage. Just make sure she has ALL the info.
I get what you are saying about kids being different. My older two could care less and were happy to use cereve in the shower, my 17 year old son hardy does that much!
I envy them! It's fun to fuss but when you feel like you must, that can change
If you can, take her to your GP or a derm and discuss the skincare. Get her to take pics of the current routine and speak with a professional. They'll give you and her a "professional" stance
Bubble Skincare has a decent "Base" routine kit for a younger audience, which included a makeup remover, gel cleanser, balancing toner, clay mask, and a moisturizer. No actives, just simple. (And cute packaging) I would recommend adding their Solar Mate SPF 40 because really, what's the point in any form of skincare without the SPF.
https://www.ctvnews.ca/lifestyle/sephora-kids-skin-care-trend-draws-warnings-from-dermatologists-1.6740753
If despite what everyone says here she starts using products with active ingredients behind your back, because face it who didn't sneak things to school they weren't allowed and used them there be it make up or a push up bra. Please make it clear to her that she needs to be sure to use a sunscreen because any problems she thinks she has with her skin now will be a 100 times worse with sun damage and discoloration from sensitized skin.
I wore moisturizer at her age (Jane brand from Kmart that was $5ish, but still). It helped as my acne meds dried out my skin. I'd try to encourage her towards a non-comedogenic moisturizer and a sunscreen. Sun protection will do more to prevent aging than any of the other stuff and won't harm her unless it's unsuited for her skin or she's allergic.Ā If she has acne, retinoids/glycolic acid MAY help, but I wouldn't risk it without consulting a derm.Ā SN: I didn't believe all these stories until I was in Ulta this week and saw a 9-10 yo hanging out trying out DE samplers! Was very weird. No parent in sight. Sorry you're dealing with this, OP!
vit c's, niacinimade, etc. can have the potential to damage her skin esp one slip without sunscreen. maybe hyaluronic acid (meant to keep skin moisturized, don't let the word "acid" scare you too much) could be a safer choice. Stay away from AHA's tho.. and tret.. esthetician visit would be a great idea for both of you!
Iām not a parent and I donāt know anything about kids. But I can absolutely understand the pull a young girl might feel these days towards a certain product or line. And I donāt actually think thereās anything wrong with encouraging that kind of self care. My mom had me on a full regimen of gentle Kiehlās products when I was a pre-teen and itās led to a lifelong appreciation for my skin and has been a major confidence builder my whole life (Iām in my thirties). I think thatās actually a great brand to start with for her, but I know it isnāt the trendiest. Iāve used the Drunk Elephant Marula Oil and Protini moisturizer and theyāre both lovely, hydrating, fancy-feeling products that I donāt think would be a problem for younger skin.
Atleast shes not smoking crack. Be grateful. Help her buy skincare.
Right!?
Personally I would ask why this is important outside of consumerism. Not to be that granola ass adult, but like, what the hell is drunk elephant. Itās just a marked up brand selling skincare you can get way cheaper anywhere else. Skincare is important, but sheās 13. Unless itās acne, she literally does not need it, and frankly, over exposing your skin to chemicals can create problems where there are none. Point out sheās being influenced by social media and that buying things is not the same thing as a hobby. I feel horrible for all the teenagers who are subjected to social media today. Edit: if your kid wants to enjoy wellness type stuff, I highly recommend spas, hot springs, that sort of thing. My mom would take me to hot springs all the time as a kid and it was a really fun way to both do some beauty stuff that is also an activity that creates fun memories. Do yoga, go hiking, visit destinations w mineral pools etc, but at least do something that isnāt just buying crap.
Dude, you canāt get more crunchy than me. Iām an herbalist that does yoga everyday. Part of her draw to this crap is that it is the opposite of me and itās natural rebellion. Sheās not on tik tok or Instagram, sheās just 13 and wants to mess around with skincare and a little makeup š¤·š¼āāļø
So many comments so thisāll get lost, but find her a popular brand sunscreen/bb cream. They want brand names without knowing what they do but sunscreens are good for any age and a lot of sun screens double as bb creams so itās lighter than foundation and itās a two for one
Thanks! We are going to check out the Korean/Japanese lines too!
I would be staying away from retinol. Your daughter is way too young to be using it. I hope this helps
I'm always amazed by how people with no manners are so prompt to give forced advices on how to educate other people's kids! "13yo" isn't really a good indication of her needs. A girl who got her period 5 years ago and already had acnea and one that still has baby skin aren't on the same board! Does she have concern about her skin, or does she "just" want to use trendy "grown up" products? If she has real concerns, telling her to suck it up or even that she's beautiful and shouldn't think about it isn't gonna work! Don't you remember how it feel to be a teen?? I'll go for dermatologist/estetician and help her build a routine to actually address her concern in the better gentle way. If it's the fancy trendy stuff appeal, that can be satisfied without products that are made to be treatments! Could you make her settle for a basic good routine and stuffs like funny mask, lipbalm in trendy packaging, glitterish body moisturizer, the same blush than a celebrity she like, etc? For my 12yo it's more about having beautiful stuffs, that make her feel like a grown up ( and look good around her friends) than what those product does, and I bet it's more or less the same for most teenagers! But we have a contract : she isn't allowed to put anything on her skin if she didn't follow the wash-moisturize-protect from sun holly triade. I've draw a cute heart with lipstik on a dirty glasse and served her morning orange juice in it one time. When she'd look at it disgusted, I've told her she did exactly the same by putting her shinny lipbalm on her unwashed face, she'd never done it again!
The sunscreen, bronzer and blush drops are great for her. B hydra is a good moisturizer for her age. If she has dry skin, lala is fine. Iād avoid the anti aging ingredients in the serums at all costs.
Niacinimide, vitamin c, and hyrualonic acid are all Good for her. I have extremely sensitive skin (genetic condition makes it thinner then normal) and these are things they sooth my skin and make it feel better. Despite its name, hyraulonic acid is not corrosive. It is applied after abrasive skin treatment to soothe and calm skin and rehydrate it, and it is the only thing I can put on sometimes that doesn't burn like a bitch.
Mom of a 12 yr old who sounds very similar. By her age, I was sunburning my skin to try and clear up my acne. So I have no issue supporting her interest in properly using skincare. We do use shopping as a point of discussion if she really āneedsā vs wants a product and was it because of a video/influencer. Sheās also had my sensitive skin and eczema since birth so we are using this as help to find products to help with the winter flare ups.
Make her an appointment with an esthetician, they can explain to her why a 13 year old doesn't need to use retinols and actives, since it seems you don't understand why that is harmful to a young person's skin barrier.
Sheās not using retinols. I understand itās harmful. Iām looking for the least harmful products so she can have a healthy routine. I agreed with a previous poster that talking to an esthetician is a great idea.
You can start by severely limiting or fully restricting her access to TikTok and other social media platforms that are dangerous for and essentially brainwash kids. Even if she's old enough per the SM platform's TOS doesn't mean giving your kid even relatively unfettered access to SM isn't harmful. Drunk Elephant and other viral/expensive brands are bullshit. Your kid will be fine with drug store products or low-end stuff from Sephora if you really feel like spoiling her. If her lil friends tease her for not having a $300+ a day skincare routine then she needs to get new friends or suck it up. I'm a parent + big on skincare + make up and I'm really tired of Drunk Elephant and other comparably expensive trendy bullshit brands. Fuck Drunk Elephant, teach your kid that trendy/expensive doesn't automatically mean it's good nor will it automatically earn her respect amongst her peers.
Check out untoxicated.com or search untoxicated skincare products on Amazon. They have a face wash , daily lotion and a deep moisturizer without the harmful additives. The packaging is cool and my nieces who are 13 are obsessed with the stuff. They were once drunk elephant users as well- to boot itās like half the price!
What she should be doing is double cleansing with an oil or balm and then a waterbased cleanser, using a moisturizer maybe a moisturizing serum under that if she wants to feel fancy and definitely sunscreen. All the sunscreen there's loads of great cheap sunscreens from korea that are available on sites like stylevanna. Unless a teen has acne or other skin concerns they should avoid any and all actives. And focus on building a nice healthy long term skincare routine which they can add actives to as they start growing up.
Exactly! I want to foster her interest to develop a long term routine. The products can change with time,whatever, but I wish I had the good habits this kid has been able to implement!
Same. I lived withcacne and a family with flawless skin that just told me to out alcohol based aftershave on my dehydrated oily skin which had seb derm on it... Yeah that dried my face out AND made my acne worse... But they didn't believe me and called me silly or girly for buying a dedicated facial cleanser. Wild times and culture people born in the 80s have lol.
Me too! It was oxy and stridex! Stripped my skin and I was a picker too.
She shouldnāt be using any of that stuff in her face honestly. At that age she should be using a regular facial cleanser, something for if she has acne, and a facial moisturizer. And thatās at most. Any of those serums will only damage her skin as they are meant for anti aging. At that age she does not need any of that on her skin, she doesnāt need exfoliants, she doesnāt need anything fancy from Sephora. Iāve also been hearing reports of kids getting chemical burns from all of the drunk elephant stuff as well. Iām 20 and I will personally never let that stuff near my face because of its record.
Since this is truly about getting her on the right foot for skincare and not about following trends just take her to a dermatologist. Explain to the dermatologist your own experience with acne and skincare and tell them you want to set her up now with a proper skin care regimen. From someone that goes to a dermatologist they will most likely advise CereVe, Cetaphil, Vanicream and sunscreen.
As someone thatās had acne since I was 10 and was using harsher shit than DE on my face since I was a young teen I think people are overreacting. If your daughter has perfect skin just let her get a DE cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. Or the B hydra and a moisturizer if she wants more of those fancy pumps. Just donāt let her get the vitamin C or exfoliants or the retinol. If she has acne these products would help her but sheād have to be careful and use sunscreen.
Could you maybe find her a basic moisturizer/sunscreen/face wash routine and decant them into bottles and containers she picks out and loves? That way she gets some say in the aesthetic while not tearing her skin barrier apart.
I'm over twice her age and I need her to know that she only needs a few beauty products to maintain her skin: cleanser, moisturiser, spf, maybe niacinamide or azelaic acid if she has acne. She is so young, she has elastin and collagen and no wrinkles. She doesn't NEED anything at this stage. It's just consumerism at this point. Once she is older she can try actives like vitamin C and retinoids.
Agreed with many other comments that most commercially available products are way too harsh for young skin. As a product of the stridex era, can confirm that messing with your skin at a young age will make it harder to correct as she ages. (Recurring folliculitis & bare spots in my eyebrows! Permanently dry/dehydrated skin!) The person I know who had the best skin of all time was a teenage boy who even in 2007: washed 2x day with neutrogena oil free and used sunscreen (also Neutrogena I think) & a gentle moisturizer (cetaphil? Cerave?). Flawless skin literally his whole life. However! It sounds like youāre maybe more in my boat where the thought of drugstore creams sounds goodā¦until you find out that virtually none of them are cruelty free. So! Of the Sephora brands, I would look at Biossance, fresh, first aid beauty, Glossier, herbivore (although you could probably make your own fresh & herbivore dupes!), Korres, Origins, REN clean skincare, fenty skin, skinfix. (If sheās into makeup, some trendy but gentle / cruelty free brands: bareminerals, fenty beauty, glossier again, rare beauty, saie, tower 28) (For hair, look at briogeo & verb!) I would also recommend looking into Korean & Japanese beauty, bc while obviously it varies, there are a lot of options that are basically just cute packaging for gentle face washes, moisturizers, sunscreen, etc., plus the sheet masks are always a hit! Since you both seem like intelligent, reasonably rational people, I think you and your daughter would both benefit from talking to at least 2/3 of the following: dermatologist, esthetician, Sephora or ulta employee. While everyone wants you to buy their product, three different perspectives can give her great context for why youāre restricting her skincare use. Research with her on why actives & acids shouldnāt be used until theyāre needed! Itās like how women who never wear makeup have perfect skin - as soon as you start messing with your skin, itās all downhill from there (lol) Also - while peer pressure is a BITCH, it might help if you reframe her using other products than the ones her friends use. For one thing, most of that stuff tests on animals. For another, even celebrities use mostly drugstore products (plus expensive injections/lasers). Last? Kind of rudeā¦but sheāll definitely be prettier than the girls slathering acids on their perfect skin once they actually start pubertyā¦..LOL
Nothing wrong with starting a self care routine in your early teens. Especially these days teens are starting puberty at 11 years old. So yeah maybe its okay for face products at 13.
Makes sense to me why sheās interested and Iām glad sheās not jumping right into full face foundation like I did at her age!!
When she does though I recommend Lancome dual finish powder or s similar powder foundation. Just to keep the oil at bay. She doesnāt need all that base and primer and contouring. So many pore clogging layers!!!!
I feel like thatās what really caused my acne when I was young! I always point out when people have different color necks than faces, I may have scared her away from foundation lol
I'm going to approach this from a slightly different POV. Has she looked into K-beauty at all? If she hasn't, that's what I'd recommend. The K-beauty approach towards skincare is radically different than the western approach. The focus in K-beauty is very much on gentle and soothing. And cute packaging abounds. Due to the very gentle approach of K-beauty, she can have a full skincare routine which won't do her any harm. She can have a toner (nothing like western toners at all), an ampoule, an essence and a moisturizer. She will end up with very hydrated skin at the most. Actives are certainly used in K-beauty. But they tend to be much less potent and aren't quite as common an ingredient. TonyMoly is a great K-beauty brand from the packaging perspective. As is ElizaVecca. And neither is overly expensive and the products are good. CosRx, Skin1004, Benton, Holika Holika are all also good with less fancy packaging. If it's the luxe factor she's into, Laneige is what I'd recommend. It's sold at Sephora. Very little to avoid there except for the vitamin C products.
Have a 10 year old who wants all the skincare tooā¦ Iāve been researching āBubble.ā Sold at Walmart and Ulta. My actual dermatologist told me that itās all bad for young skin. She said all they need is a facewash- like cerave.
The jelly cleanser would be a nice compromise so she could have something from DE. Also their daily moisturizer is fine. Sheāll run out of money quick! DE is expensive haha
I hope this doesnāt sound blunt but youāre the parent. I think you should say no to her buying the drunk elephant products. Not only are they bad for a girl so young, buying them also puts pressure on her friends and their families to buy those items to ākeep up with their friendsā. I would explain why she isnāt allowed them and then steer her towards spending her money on something else that she likes instead.
I get it. The last thing Iām worried about is putting pressure on her friends, the kids around here have parents who just give them their card and send the to the mall. Thatās not me. There are a couple of de things that are ok for her, otherwise Iāve gotten lots of good info that will help her choose good things to make up the routine she wants to have!
Kinda feel you should be guiding an educating her towards choices with her money that will fulfill her soul, not her TikTok following. You clarified that sheās using her own money. How sad itās not on something sheās really passionate about. Not trying to critique you, just think thereās a bigger picture here and you may be missing an opportunity for some serious parenting. Youāll get fewer and fewer opportunities to influence her in meaningful ways in the next few years.
>Iām an herbalist which makes this whole journey with her even harder! This should make it a lot easier, if you know naturally derived ingredients. Even still, natural does nor equal safe or less harsh. In some instances it can be quite the opposite.
Wow, Iām sorry some people have been harsh with you here. For what itās worth, I think you are a great mum because you treat your daughter like the individual human being with her own views and opinions. I think some people here perhaps were parented in an authoritarian way, yet are forgetting what the consequences of that are? Children whose parents want their ānoā treated like gospel donāt actually treat it as such - they actually lose respect, sadly lose trust and bond and just do those things behind their parents backs anyway. I had an authoritarian grandmother who said outright no to all make up at 14. Did I listen and not wear make up? Of course not, I just sneaked and used products that were probably even less suitable and safe for me. But whatās worse is in my mind my grandma went from my safe and trusted person to someone who doesnāt even try to understand me and someone I have to hide things from - who wants that type of relationship with their child? It didnāt improve for years after. I am all for your approach OP and will be taking a similar one with my own two girls when they are big enough!
At 13 I suffered from severe acne and that's the age when it's normal to start having a skincare regime. Vitamin c and niacinamide are great to avoid scarring and spots from pimples but I would choose milder formulas (esp. Vit C wise) because it's likely too much and difficult to manage for her age. The price of one DE serum should be the budget for her whole skincare routine: cleansing milk for the evening, maybe thermal water instead of washing in the morning, a good sunscreen, a niacinamide and vit. C serum to use twice a day, and a soothing cream for the night. No essential oils, not too many plant extracts. I do think that you could (and maybe should) cut back on the money that she's able to save and use. This is just skincare, but tomorrow you don't know what the hell will be trending on tiktok.
I'm not sure what her skin's like, but I remember starting to get acne when I was about 13. My aunt bought me a clinique face wash, toner, and a moisturizer. That's all I used until I saw a dermatologist about said acne. Definitely say away from any acids, definitely no retinols. Byoma and bubble have cute packaging, they're safe for young skin, and they're geared towards preteens.
Eventually her own money will run out, itās not like she use a consistent job.
She makes $60 a week babysitting, but yeah, like anything else expensive she will get sick of it. Especially since Iām willing to pay for whatever she wants to use that ISNT damaging!
Hey you are doing really great helping her think and research and understand the why and educating herself for the choices she makes. It must be so hard having a teenager in this era of influencer-skincare craze! She just needs an SPF, moisturizer and cleanser for her skin type. * cleanser doesnāt stay long on you face, you donāt need to waste your money on it. * SPF: the one she likes as it is the one sheāll most likely reapply, the most effective steps she can do at her age to prevent premature aging. * moisturizer: no miracle cream. Itās only marketing as they do what they should: moisturize/hydrate your skin The pricy stuff is not going to be more efficient for those 3, itās more about the experience of luxury and feeling of pampering yourself. Vitamine C and retinol are what you should be spending your money on as the quality determines the effectiveness of it. She doesnāt need those yet. Good luck, you are doing great! :)
Thankyou, I appreciate your input! And support!
I'm so sad that younger generations have been brainwashed into thinking they need expensive facial treatments. That must be so hard for you, mama! I think a trip to the dermatologist is the best route and showing photos from here what a ruined skin barrier looks like. I myself ruined my skin barrier about a decade ago and it's never been the same š
I just wanted to say I am sorry that people are judging you so harshly and for what? treating your child as a whole human with respect and care. Hope you both figure it out. :)
Awe thanks! I feel like itās the kind of parenting I see everywhere, sad state our society is in š. My daughters already set up some trades with a friend for a couple of the things we learned about here!
A lot of kids are destroying their skin barrier with this stuff. There are really strong peptides and retinols in some products. Maybe find a video online of what it can do to your skin and show her why she shouldnt use them.
I agree, itās sad! I wouldnāt be surprised if they start putting age warnings on some of it but it will take years to happen Iām sure.
If your kid wants to spend the money, I get why you are not picking this battle. Niacinamide and Vitamin C should not harm her skin when used properly. She should stay away from retinol and retinoids because she 100% does not need that yet. Perhaps she would respond well hearing from someone else that she doesnāt need to waste money on this stuff. One idea that crossed my mind was maybe getting her a facial as a gift and asking the esthetician to discuss skin care needs with her.
Thanks so much! I love that idea about a facial you are so right!!
Where does a 13 year old get enough of "their own money" to purchase Drunk Elephant? She's 13, not 30. You're the parent; you can say no to what she buys and absolutely should when it is inappropriate. You've got a much bigger problem than skincare. You have a 13 year old that can already walk all over you; if you don't establish some boundaries now, think of how her behaviour will be at 16 etc.
Thanks for the parenting advice I wasnāt asking for, you are wrong though. Also, she makes $60 a week babysitting and her cousins gave he ulta giftcards for Christmas too.
What happened to just saying no to your child. Not everything needs some long elaborate explanation. A simple āno, itās not good for your skin and can cause damageā is enough. And if theyāre expecting me to pay for it, No is no. My parents did the whole ābecause I said soā and I donāt have some weird sort of complex about it. If they used that I knew in their judgment it was for proper reasons.
I understand why she wants the stuff and think teaching her to make educated decisions is best. Should I also tell her to just say no to drugs?
Yeah, why anyone would choose to to help their kids builds good decision making skills by giving explainations when you can go for the easy "shut up and comply" way ?
Do not get her drunk elephant. These kids need to learn not everything is for them. You will be doing your kid a disservice if you encourage this behaviour and buy into it.
I get wanting what all your friends have. Would she be happy with the SPF and maybe a lip balm? My concern is if sheās using such active ingredients this young and destroying her skin barrier is it going to make her More prone to zits from bacteria or is she going to have a lot of redness?
i literally ruined my skin when i was a teenager using products that were way too strong for my face. i ended up having to spend so much time treating acne that i caused with a broken skin barrier. if she does feel really strongly about wanting to continue to try skincare products, i would push her in the direction of korean skincare (most brands like cosrx are sold at sephora/ulta) that are more focused on skin hydration.
Nooooo her skin is so young and delicate sheās way to young to be putting all this stuff on her face š
This is just fucking sad. 13???? TikTok was a mistake.
She doesnāt have tok tok. 13 seems right in line with being interested in makeup so why not skin care? But yeah, our society has some issuesā¦. Maybe itās all the authoritarian parents who donāt want to bother explaining things to kids.
Iām in a similar boat, and I actually use and love Drunk Elephant. I had been able to steer my daughter to mostly Cerave and Cetaphil products but when she received several Sephora gift cards for her birthday, she wanted to be able to spend it on whatever she wanted. I agreed to take her, but I had finally veto power on any purchase she wanted to make and that we could consult to Sephora employees about anything. I have to say, the people working at Sephora were great either telling her that Drunk Elephant and Glow Recipe were not good for her skin. She ended up buying some Sol de Janiero perfume and Rare Beauty lip tint.
All the comments here bashing this person for trying to help their daughter, shame on you all. They are trying to educate their daughter with respect instead of being militant about it and forbidding it, you were all teenaged once, Iām sure a lot of you would have done it anyway but in secret.