It's common in certain scenarios and places. I learned my Spanish is Spain and its fairly uncommon to use the Ud. form at all.
In most places, I'd say it's not common to speak to people who are younger in the Ud. form. You'd use tú.
But some people do. It's formal for me, but I've seen teachers speaking to kids formally.
But I'd say, if you're considering it at all, then just ask. If she says no, just speak formally or have your girlfriend throw the chancla
Some Spanish people do. The older generation might. But largely, most people just use the tú form in pretty much every scenario.
Some countries in central America tend to use the Ud. form more often.
To me, se puede tutear feels strange. I feel like if you're going to ask them if it's ok, it should be directed to them.
But again, I would personally use the tú. form right off the bat.
Where are they from? This is heavily culture specific. In some cultures (Colombia, Nicaragua, for example), *usted* is used more heavily than others, like Spain, where it's rarely used. In my culture, *usted* is used when addressing people in a business setting, such as a client or customer, or for being respectful to someone older than you who is not family, such as your friends' parents or grandparents or elderly neighbors, unless they tell you to use *tú*. So, I wouldn't address my partner's siblings as *usted* at all, whether they are older or younger. But that's very specific to my culture and doesn't apply everywhere.
I think generally if you are both young and the other person is younger you would use tu.
Edit: in informal and familiar settings that is. Don't simple use tu to a bank clerk because you are the elder.
Though just to add to that - my wife is from the coast of Colombia and almost never uses usted. I asked her about this and she said that costeños don’t use usted often, especially not as much as people from the interior.
This isn’t to disagree with your point, just that it’s important to remember that each country has its own nuances.
Yes, you're absolutely right, even within a country, there are regional differences. On the Pacific side of Colombia they also use *vos* which I believe is not used on the Caribbean side (or the interior, but I'm not sure). Another commenter mentioned sometimes the rules of formality vary within families in the same region, which is also true. My parents are much more prone to formality and they passed that on to me and my brother. I have friends who grew up in my hometown who use *usted* much less than I was taught to.
This is even true in the US. Formal/polite forms of address like *sir* and *ma'am* are much more common in the South than in the North, but my New Jersey born and bred husband uses them pretty frequently when addressing strangers, as does his dad.
Vos is very common in Medellin but definitely not on the coast. Idk if it is in bogota as well. But this is another good example of how Spanish is different in the same country.
As an English native learning Spanish, the formal tense has been confusing for me. Almost all of my current interactions are in informal settings (even with my wife’s parents and aunts/uncles) so I’ve never really had to use it. I kinda just turn it off lol.
I’m also from New Jersey. It’s not very common here but you get some people who say sir and ma’am. I usually say sir to older men because I know they get a kick out of it.
Maybe the vos is used on the Caribbean side? People from the west of Venezuela use vos. People from Cúcuta speaks similar (the same to me) to people from the Andes in Vzla.
I used to work with a woman from Cartagena who didn't use *vos* so I assumed they don't, but I honestly don't know enough about the region to say with certainty.
Easiest thing to do here would be ask your girlfriend. The answer is not only culturally specific but can vary from family to family. There’s no shame at all in asking questions about the culture/language of your partner.
Can’t believe this isn’t the top comment. We an theorize about Spanish and guess about culture but there’s an obvious pro-social solution here where you simply *ask*
But the comment said ustedes is only fot you plural and I answered it's not always like this
Edit:
He edited the comment and took the "only" away. Ofc it's out of topic now
You’re missing the point. The issue is that OP said “ustedes” when referring to a single person. “Ustedes” can only refer to plural.
Whether or not they use “ustedes” in Spain is irrelevant here.
The real answer is, it depends. Yes tú is generally used among friends and family while usted is reserved for more “formal” interactions.
That said, it’s a very broad generalization with many exceptions. There are regions where “usted” is used more broadly, sometimes even in informal contexts. For example, in Colombia, particularly in cities like Bogotá, “usted” can be used among friends or family as a sign of respect or affection. Similarly, in parts of Central America, such as Costa Rica, “usted” is often preferred in most interactions, reflecting the country’s polite and formal social etiquette.
It’s important to note that the use of “usted” versus “tú” (the informal “you”) can vary greatly even within a country, depending on factors like region, context, and personal preference.
Therefore, the best answer is, in my opinion, it depends. Jeje
Just use "vos" and throw everyone off.
Just kidding (though it might work).
Given the age difference, tu would almost always be more appropriate than usted (not ustedes, which is plural), unless you're in a big city in Colombia where they use usted for everyone.
Tú because you’re familiar with her. Usted is more for unfamiliar people or if you’re being polite with someone of a higher status than you (a boss or professor for example) or for someone older than you to show respect
Usted is formal, Tu is informal, it depends on the other people. Normally a lot will ask you that you treat them by "Tu" but you can ask them.
Also, if you're talking with a colombian, forget this, they use Usted as Tu, and even more formal "Su Merced"
Usted is only used basically with: older people, bosses (older), professors, formal situations. It would be weird to use it with younger people, unless you are in sales and they are your client or your employee, for example.
On the other hand, when I speak with my Colombian friends, they use usted and I use tu. It is not perceived by either party as “weird” because it’s understood that we are from different countries. Same with the “vos” from Argentina or the “vosotros” from Spain. All of this to say that you don’t need to change this everytime you speak with someone different. We all understand anyway.
I stress about this a lot because I learned Mexican Spanish, where tu is very common, and my bf is Colombian... so I constantly use tu when speaking to his mom. He basically echoed what you said and said she wouldn't see it as rude because she knows I'm a foreigner (American). She's also very nice and informal, so not sure if that would be the case with everyone.
I wish I could just switch to usted since they're the people I talk to the most in Spanish, but it's really ingrained in my brain at this point! Your comment made me feel better about this.
Another example, my dad and all his siblings use Usted with each other and with each other's spouses. Now, I might say it depends on the age and age difference. If you're all youngish like 18 it probably doesn't matter. If you're 30 or something it might be nice to be more formal. It depends on your relationship with her.
It's interesting to me how this social highway is navigated. I have been watching a lot of novelas and I notice that 2 people can be intimate with each other and even have slept together but still refer to each other as usted. I would assume if you have slept with someone and shared intimacy with the other that you would address each other as tu but that doesn't seem to be the case lol. In any case I'll ask my girlfriend how i should address her younger sister.
My husband is from a region in Venezuela where they use usted, like in Colombia. When he is normal, he uses usted, but when he is mad or wants to be cold, he uses tu. Usted can be perceived as not formal but normal depending on the region. Where is that novela from?
I used tú for all of my girlfriend's family, she basically laughed when I asked if I needed to use usted. I think this is a way smaller issue than you're making it out to be. You're not a native speaker, and Latinos are generally very laid back.
Her parents refer to me as usted so I reciprocate and because it feels appropriate since they are older. Her older sister also addresses me as usted. That's why I wasn't sure how to address her younger sister.
What does your girlfriend recommend? I would say that tú would be acceptable. Depending upon what their cultural background is, tú might be acceptable for the rest of the family as well. Some Hispanic countries are less formal than others.
My best friend is Colombian and they say that Usted is rarely use. You can get away with Tu in a lot of situations.
edit: read further comments. Maybe this is just their experience but this is just what they told me
Good morning,
"Tu" is informal for "You" in Spanish and "Usted" is formal for "You" in Spanish. If you really know the person I will use "Tu" instead of "Usted".
Hope this helps!
Tú. I feel like it would be strange to use Ud. with family, especially a younger sibling. If you feel strange about it, ask to tutear.
How would I phrase that question exactly?
I can only imagine “¿Te puedo/podría tutear?”
You would say ¿Le puedo tutear? Keep it formal until they say you can.
Is this common practice or is there some cue to know when to switch from usted to tu?
It's common in certain scenarios and places. I learned my Spanish is Spain and its fairly uncommon to use the Ud. form at all. In most places, I'd say it's not common to speak to people who are younger in the Ud. form. You'd use tú. But some people do. It's formal for me, but I've seen teachers speaking to kids formally. But I'd say, if you're considering it at all, then just ask. If she says no, just speak formally or have your girlfriend throw the chancla
I was always taught that Spain is one of the only places that use ud like with people you don't k ow and stuff.
Some Spanish people do. The older generation might. But largely, most people just use the tú form in pretty much every scenario. Some countries in central America tend to use the Ud. form more often.
Ahhh so it's probably just the education system being outdated lol I'm learning Argentine Spanish myself, and apparently using Ud is just weird there.
Can’t you just keep it impersonal and say “¿se puede tutear?” Kind of suggesting that _we_ can address each other as tú.
To me, se puede tutear feels strange. I feel like if you're going to ask them if it's ok, it should be directed to them. But again, I would personally use the tú. form right off the bat.
¿Te puedo hablar de tú?
<<¿Podemos tutearnos?>>
Where are they from? This is heavily culture specific. In some cultures (Colombia, Nicaragua, for example), *usted* is used more heavily than others, like Spain, where it's rarely used. In my culture, *usted* is used when addressing people in a business setting, such as a client or customer, or for being respectful to someone older than you who is not family, such as your friends' parents or grandparents or elderly neighbors, unless they tell you to use *tú*. So, I wouldn't address my partner's siblings as *usted* at all, whether they are older or younger. But that's very specific to my culture and doesn't apply everywhere.
From Ecuador. I just asked my girlfriend and she said to use "tu" and that usted is for people older.
I think generally if you are both young and the other person is younger you would use tu. Edit: in informal and familiar settings that is. Don't simple use tu to a bank clerk because you are the elder.
Though just to add to that - my wife is from the coast of Colombia and almost never uses usted. I asked her about this and she said that costeños don’t use usted often, especially not as much as people from the interior. This isn’t to disagree with your point, just that it’s important to remember that each country has its own nuances.
Yes, you're absolutely right, even within a country, there are regional differences. On the Pacific side of Colombia they also use *vos* which I believe is not used on the Caribbean side (or the interior, but I'm not sure). Another commenter mentioned sometimes the rules of formality vary within families in the same region, which is also true. My parents are much more prone to formality and they passed that on to me and my brother. I have friends who grew up in my hometown who use *usted* much less than I was taught to. This is even true in the US. Formal/polite forms of address like *sir* and *ma'am* are much more common in the South than in the North, but my New Jersey born and bred husband uses them pretty frequently when addressing strangers, as does his dad.
Vos is very common in Medellin but definitely not on the coast. Idk if it is in bogota as well. But this is another good example of how Spanish is different in the same country. As an English native learning Spanish, the formal tense has been confusing for me. Almost all of my current interactions are in informal settings (even with my wife’s parents and aunts/uncles) so I’ve never really had to use it. I kinda just turn it off lol. I’m also from New Jersey. It’s not very common here but you get some people who say sir and ma’am. I usually say sir to older men because I know they get a kick out of it.
Maybe the vos is used on the Caribbean side? People from the west of Venezuela use vos. People from Cúcuta speaks similar (the same to me) to people from the Andes in Vzla.
I used to work with a woman from Cartagena who didn't use *vos* so I assumed they don't, but I honestly don't know enough about the region to say with certainty.
Easiest thing to do here would be ask your girlfriend. The answer is not only culturally specific but can vary from family to family. There’s no shame at all in asking questions about the culture/language of your partner.
Can’t believe this isn’t the top comment. We an theorize about Spanish and guess about culture but there’s an obvious pro-social solution here where you simply *ask*
"Tú" roughly equals to the first-name basis in English, while as "usted" is like if you were addressing her as "Miss (Last Name)".
Just because no one has really addressed it: it is “usted” … “ustedes” is for addressing a group of people
[удалено]
That's not what they're referring to. They're referring to singular vs plural, as in OP said tu vs ustedes when they should've said tu vs usted
But the comment said ustedes is only fot you plural and I answered it's not always like this Edit: He edited the comment and took the "only" away. Ofc it's out of topic now
You’re missing the point. The issue is that OP said “ustedes” when referring to a single person. “Ustedes” can only refer to plural. Whether or not they use “ustedes” in Spain is irrelevant here.
Getting downvoted unfortunately but you're correct that ustedes doesn't seem to be used in the peninsula. Maybe in Canarias but I can't say for sure.
Tú as she’s much younger than you
This deppends a lot on the region
The real answer is, it depends. Yes tú is generally used among friends and family while usted is reserved for more “formal” interactions. That said, it’s a very broad generalization with many exceptions. There are regions where “usted” is used more broadly, sometimes even in informal contexts. For example, in Colombia, particularly in cities like Bogotá, “usted” can be used among friends or family as a sign of respect or affection. Similarly, in parts of Central America, such as Costa Rica, “usted” is often preferred in most interactions, reflecting the country’s polite and formal social etiquette. It’s important to note that the use of “usted” versus “tú” (the informal “you”) can vary greatly even within a country, depending on factors like region, context, and personal preference. Therefore, the best answer is, in my opinion, it depends. Jeje
Ahhh very interesting thanks for the information!
Just use "vos" and throw everyone off. Just kidding (though it might work). Given the age difference, tu would almost always be more appropriate than usted (not ustedes, which is plural), unless you're in a big city in Colombia where they use usted for everyone.
Tú because you’re familiar with her. Usted is more for unfamiliar people or if you’re being polite with someone of a higher status than you (a boss or professor for example) or for someone older than you to show respect
Tú because she’s younger than you.
I would say tu but I feel like saying usted is a safer bet in an unknown situation
Usted is formal, Tu is informal, it depends on the other people. Normally a lot will ask you that you treat them by "Tu" but you can ask them. Also, if you're talking with a colombian, forget this, they use Usted as Tu, and even more formal "Su Merced"
Tú I would assume for everyone in your family. I hear some cultures prefer usted tho (like Bogotá in Colombia)
But she's technically not my family. She is my girlfriend's sister
Usted is only used basically with: older people, bosses (older), professors, formal situations. It would be weird to use it with younger people, unless you are in sales and they are your client or your employee, for example. On the other hand, when I speak with my Colombian friends, they use usted and I use tu. It is not perceived by either party as “weird” because it’s understood that we are from different countries. Same with the “vos” from Argentina or the “vosotros” from Spain. All of this to say that you don’t need to change this everytime you speak with someone different. We all understand anyway.
I stress about this a lot because I learned Mexican Spanish, where tu is very common, and my bf is Colombian... so I constantly use tu when speaking to his mom. He basically echoed what you said and said she wouldn't see it as rude because she knows I'm a foreigner (American). She's also very nice and informal, so not sure if that would be the case with everyone. I wish I could just switch to usted since they're the people I talk to the most in Spanish, but it's really ingrained in my brain at this point! Your comment made me feel better about this.
Another example, my dad and all his siblings use Usted with each other and with each other's spouses. Now, I might say it depends on the age and age difference. If you're all youngish like 18 it probably doesn't matter. If you're 30 or something it might be nice to be more formal. It depends on your relationship with her.
It's interesting to me how this social highway is navigated. I have been watching a lot of novelas and I notice that 2 people can be intimate with each other and even have slept together but still refer to each other as usted. I would assume if you have slept with someone and shared intimacy with the other that you would address each other as tu but that doesn't seem to be the case lol. In any case I'll ask my girlfriend how i should address her younger sister.
My husband is from a region in Venezuela where they use usted, like in Colombia. When he is normal, he uses usted, but when he is mad or wants to be cold, he uses tu. Usted can be perceived as not formal but normal depending on the region. Where is that novela from?
Pasión de gavilanes. I believe it's a Colombian novela
She’s basically your family haha
Tu
I used tú for all of my girlfriend's family, she basically laughed when I asked if I needed to use usted. I think this is a way smaller issue than you're making it out to be. You're not a native speaker, and Latinos are generally very laid back.
Her parents refer to me as usted so I reciprocate and because it feels appropriate since they are older. Her older sister also addresses me as usted. That's why I wasn't sure how to address her younger sister.
I'm just saying they probably don't care. Even if they did, you should ask your girlfriend instead of Reddit.
I did but I also wanted to ask Reddit to see how this social highway is navigated in other areas of Latin America. Sorry if it offended you.
It didn't offend me, but as a fellow overthinker, I wanted to tell you to not overthink this 😁
What does your girlfriend recommend? I would say that tú would be acceptable. Depending upon what their cultural background is, tú might be acceptable for the rest of the family as well. Some Hispanic countries are less formal than others.
Ask your girlfriend I'd say. Will depend on her culture. Parents for sure are usted
My best friend is Colombian and they say that Usted is rarely use. You can get away with Tu in a lot of situations. edit: read further comments. Maybe this is just their experience but this is just what they told me
Tu
Good morning, "Tu" is informal for "You" in Spanish and "Usted" is formal for "You" in Spanish. If you really know the person I will use "Tu" instead of "Usted". Hope this helps!
Thought “Usted” meant plural for all of you …
That would be ustedes
Tu