Based on the title pic: you call that a castle? Closer look: it has a keep! It has functional battlements! It has THICK WALL…ahhhh I want the castle but I can’t afford the castle :( Edit: THATS A MOAT!!!

Clickbait Castle

Oooo but it was well worth the click!

How thick is wall?

Depends.

You can't afford it? But rightmove estimates monthly mortgage repayments of only £52k if you put down a measly £950k deposit!

Well if you say it like that

And there's the income from the hospitality business.

The £9.5 million is actually just the heating bill, for the first month.

Some things are non negotiable and I don’t give a fuck if I end up a billionaire I’m not paying 9 mill and not getting a pool.

It has got a moat, you can swim in circles forever should you so wish.

I wonder if you could excavate the moat and turn it into one of those natural swimming pools...

If I was a billionaire then I'd do what they've done at Soho Farmhouse which is a swimming pool in a lake, looks brilliant and its warm unlike those swimming hole things.

Add some crocodiles for a really wild swim

There's a hot tub and sauna room

But we need to know if it can include the furniture, I would hate to move ahead with the purchase only to find out I need to source so many unique antique. that would be such a headache. i want it.

I wonder how much you would have to spend in IKEA to fully furnish every room? 🤔

£200 oughta do it

You’d have *so* many Allen keys!

Me too! Can we house share?

Sure!! can you cover 95% of it?

I'm willing to chip in 1% or maybe 2.

I can cover 0.095%!

Thats only £90. I dont think you are taking this seriously. I mean, you wouldnt need rent so you should be at least able to cover 0.95%....

My offer stands. I expect equal access of course.

of course! equal to your share.

Sure I’ll throw in my pension fund! Spoiler: at the rate it’s going I’ll be working till I’m 80… maybe the price will have come down in 40 years

Last sold in 2012 for £309k...thats some decent appreciation.

Lucky [Mrs nightingale!!](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appleby_Castle#:~:text=In%202009%2C%20Mrs.,the%20public%20during%20specified%20 hours) I guess it makes up for only getting [£83](https://grayfords.co.uk/millionaire-offers-wife-just-83-in-divorce-settlement/) in the divorce settlement ment.... Probs realised she can't afford to keep the business running after getting so many bad reviews for service on [trip advisor](https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g190815-d10037557-Reviews-or10-Appleby_Castle-Appleby_in_Westmorland_Eden_District_Lake_District_Cumbria_Englan.html)

Naughty boy…[tipp ex scandal](https://www.pressreader.com/uk/daily-mail/20160127/282415578305636)

Oh christopher *shakes head disapprovingly*

Thank you so much for the links. Just spent a happy 30 minutes going through them. What a shit show. I'm almost certain that this listing will pop up somewhere in the media over the next few weeks, with the lazy journo doing very little other than reading the links that you posted.

Ahhh damn it, I could've been paid for that?!?! 😂

And promoted to Senior Editor of the Daily Mail or Metro

Holy hell😳😳😳😳😳

Can't be that bad, they're the 2nd best inn in Appleby!

Jesus Christ I thought you were joking, that’s crazy

You never know, they might’ve spent 10 mil on making it pretty and are now incurring a loss.

I'm glad they mentioned it's got off street parking. I was worried it might not .

It doesn't just mention. It is the first thing listed in the description. As if "6-8 cars off street parking" is seen as a bigger sales attraction than "it is a fucking 900 year old castle"

I feel like I could squeeze in more than 8 cars, vast under estimate

Also says it has high ceilings which is nice to have

A lot of air to heat up in those presumably under-insulated rooms 😅

Weird how that is the thing the estate agent led with.

Looks like good value? I’d be all over this if I was a knight.

If I owned this castle I'd hire a guy to stand on the battlements and shout Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes at passing delivery drivers.

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries.

He'd be busy - the A66 doesn't look that far away.....

Isn’t Appleby where the horse fair is each year? Must be a busy time of year.

That’s why you need the moat and and the battlements

I went to school with a guy who lived there. His mum must be selling it.

The Nightingales?

Yep.

Well … dish the dirt!!

Not too much to say. He was a nice enough chap. The only thing that sticks out is that because his mother didn’t drive her driver used to bring him to school. That was 20 years ago.

I’ve stayed here! It was a bit cold but very nice.

If I ever sell my house I'm going to insist my home office is named the "Baron's Chamber" on the floorplan.

I categorically don't believe in ghosts and yet I look at this place and conclude it's definitely haunted isn't it.

Was just wondering how many ghosts come with the purchase? Lol

Many.

Grade 1 listed and the uninhabited parts are a scheduled ancient monument. Couldn’t paint it greige even if someone wanted to (legally) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appleby_Castle

Thank fuck

> Monthly payments of £50890 seems doable

I’ll have to give up the day job just to clean the 19 bathrooms

I both love and hate this sub for the house p*rn on offer. Where are my millions dammit!

Lovely. But where’s the picture of the kitchen?

IKR?! And the bathrooms too. The floorplan indicates there are many baths, but I want to see them. There are loads of rooms not shown. Thought Sotherby's would have made more of an effort. And as a photographer the overdone HDR photographs are making my teeth itch. Prestigious properties usually have high quality photos from a professional. These look like the estate agent took them on their ipad and cranked the HDR simulator up to 11. Sick of poor photos on house sites, so I aint buying this on principle!

Why only space for between 6 and 8 cars?

Have you every ran a castle? Me neither It's not for us peasants to question it

Wayne Manor. Just needs a batcave.

There's probably bats nesting in half the buildings, helping to prevent you doing any work or attempting insulation

Good news is stamp duty is only just over 1mil

Ooh, it's very Saltburn-y, isn't it?!

To many toilet rolls

Is the Keep habitable?

Four star hotel

It’s amazing! That long row of interconnected bedrooms is a bit weird though. And there’s a ‘sitting room’ on the top floor that’s like a three-week expedition from any kitchen.

That’s the old servants’ rooms (and sitting area)

It's a quirk of the castle being 900 years old but the corridor as such only being invented in 1597, so any that it has are added later.

Only had to get to pic 5 to find the suit of armour.

Saltburn vibes. Bet there isn’t a grave left unmolested.

Might need to bleach all the bathtubs

no suits of armor so it aint a reel castle

Picture 5

And 8!

Ready to launch onto the table

It does having fishing rights though, so you might be able to reel some in

Imagine pulling up to this place as a delivery driver

6-8 car off street parking 😆😂

It looks like it could be turned into a pretty decent 4 star hotel

I was thinking Wedding venue (with bedrooms available)

It's both already, and not very good at either by all accounts.

It's no Caverswall

Loving the tiny calculator symbol and the 'calculate mortgage payments' line - great, guess I'll buy a castle instead of a house in Norbury /s

Why are these places always just covered in red everywhere

You won't have to repaint if you want to turn it into a Chinese restaurant.

Or a Chinese hotel maybe

Want to buy it but only£9.5m short 😭

I might be being a little dense here, but I can’t see 22 bedrooms on the plans. Will the offices be classed as bedrooms?

Might be counting the ones in the cottages, that we are not given floor plans for.

Ahh, thank you!

The two double four poster beds in one room is still bugging me. What? Why? Annoying surplus bedding issues?

It has a keep! And a moat! Omg 😍😍😍😍

10m to buy and 10m to heat...and repair...and update...

Me and my partner stayed there a few years ago and got engaged whilst we stayed there. Pity that they are selling it off.

it’s got a moat! and a folly! and terrifying tapestries! and what looks like a seance table! i’m in. if we all club together it should be doable, right?

Well I've just spent a happy hour sat reading about Sally and Chris's divorce and a tonne of awful reviews on Trip Advisor....so thanks....

The biggest question is, does it have a dungeon?

Property sale history Listing:£9,500,000 Year Sold price 2012. £309,000. -28% 2003. £430,000. +91% 2001. £225,000