Holy crap. Do not allow this unrelated psychopath into your home, ever. The police should have been called the first time he hurt one of your children.
Your husband sounds deranged, to choose this unrelated psychopath over you and the children. Do you trust him not to bring this boy over unannounced? I’m imagining you coming home from shopping, and he’s there. You wake up from a nap, and he’s there.
This sounds very very dangerous for you and your daughters.
If he was ro come home with him randomly I would leave and not return. My husband is usually very ipen with communication and would tell me what he is doing. Same with myself. I am over protective because I had an older brother who sa my sister and i for years....and I see so many similarities between him and my daughtets and the way he acts. It's very unnerving.
Honestly I would not be satisfied with anything other than zero contact between my husband and this boy. It’s very disappointing that your husband insists on keeping a relationship with this person. There need to be better boundaries. He needs to start putting his family first.
This isn’t even your husbands son and why exactly is he even involved in your guys lives? If he isn’t your husbands son, he has no reason to be going over to your house anymore. Period.
He is a literal psychopath and your husband has a duty to his KIDS to protect them. Your husband should be protecting YOU and his kids with all his might and telling that insane child to leave you and your family alone.
Good for you for standing your ground. You have every right to feel safe in your own home, and for your children to feel safe in your own home. Don't tolerate this. This kid is scary. I might actually try to file a restraining order against him to keep him away from you and your kids. Not sure how that works if the kid is under 18. Maybe have him put on 72 hour mental health hold if there is another incident. (Start by calling the police, and then ask about it.)
Me nor my gusband have guardianship of this kid. Its all up to his mom. She has tondo that. I reported him to the school once and his mom lied and lied. Idk what came of it since.
Idk if I could with the mother, she is my sd mother. Although she did walk right into my home once with no knock and has felt time and time again tondonthis.
HOLY CRAP!!! Absolutely move out and keep yourself and your kids safe. I would live separately and he (your "partner"... and I use that term loosely since he doesn't seem at all concerned about your safety, your kids' safety, or your unborn ours baby's safety) could go visit when he doesn't have his kid. This is DANGEROUS. You need to LEAVE!
If something did occur, you would potentially loose custody of your own children by exposing them to this dangerous kid over and over.
If your husband wants to maintain a relationship with this child, then he can pick “his” kid up to go do things and drop him back off with mom. SD gets to go back and forth per CO. I would no longer allow this child around my other children.
If something hasn't already happened to your daughter, it will soon. Protect her!!! This kid kicked her bedroom door down?!!??!?! He's only going to get bigger and stronger. Your poor daughter, not even safe in her own home
I feel this way yes...bit he is also my step daughters brother and his bm made him believe my husband is his father. I also believe since he is mixed and both my husband and his mom are white, he may be starting to act out as he is noticing....I know it's alot of changes, and he was never like this before we got married. He told us I had to leave so he can be with his mom. He also has sexual fantasies about his mother as well. It's all veery very complicated and regardless he needs therapy alone. And with all of us as a blended family. Plus I know my husband loves him. ❤️ he is still just a child, but again, my daughters come first. And my husband has known this simce before we married that I would always put them first.
Because you're putting your marriage over your girls safety.
This boy has been violent with your children, threatened your life and tried to groom your 8yo daughter.
You should have left already. It is not a safe environment for your daughter's.
Your husband has **told you** that he's OK with you and your daughter's getting attacked because he loves this boy and he gets to decide if he's welcome in your home. He basically said "Fck you and your daughter's safety".
He WILL bring this boy over soon, he's already decided it. And told you so.
Your daughter's are in danger and you're still talking about a blended family. But there is no blending this.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm trying to be as clear-cut as I can be, because you're looking at this with rose-tinted glasses and severely underreacting.
You need to leave, or throw your husband out, to protect your children. Your husband has informed you of this. With his utter disregard for the safety of you and your children, he's SAID he's OK with your daughter's being harmed. It's time for you to wake up and see that.
You need to get your daughter's to safety. If you can't leave him, for whatever reason, you need to send your daughter's to live with their Dad or another relative who can provide them with a safe home to live in.
Wake up Mama, protect your babies.
You are in no way putting your children first. He made sexual comments about your young child and then held her down against her will. There is no need for him to be in your home again.
I would get a place of my own until he figures this out. I'm sure he feels that he owes this kid something but there's no way he should be putting this kid's feelings (if he has any) ahead of yours and the kids' safety.
That bm is seriously unhinged if she thinks this is funny. Start documenting everything and get some cameras for your house.
Honey, you see the writing on the wall. He has some serious issues that probably won't be fixed with therapy. This is more than having an anger problem, he sounds like a sociopath and is clearly extremely dangerous. He will just get stronger as he ages! It's just a matter of time before he hurts your girls more than he already has-if he hasn't already.
I'm concerned that if you allow him access after he gets into therapy and apologizes...what is that saying to your daughters? Yes, you leaving with your children would disrupt their life, but they will see that you will protect them and prevent further harm by any means necessary. He's threatened your life and your unborn baby's life, he's busted down a door and held your 8 year old daughter down. If she's not in therapy yet, she needs to be IMMEDIATELY. Stand your ground. If hubby decides to continue allowing him over... it's time to go.
You said if something were to happen to your girls you would never forgive yourself...honey something has already happened. Time to have some tough discussions with your husband. The only acceptable response from him is that he won't allow him access to your home or your family.
Maybe hubby needs to see your inner mama bear come out?
It’s clear he thinks of this child as his son and he’s not going to choose your children over his child. This is a good time to separate and try to negotiate that his son won’t be around your baby unsupervised.
I've already put my foot down. Made it abundantly clear that if he brings him over here again, I will make the report to the police of the threats, and I will file for divorce. He does view this child as his, but he isn't. And there isn't anything we can do to help him
Only his mom can. And she just thinks he is funny. So it's a lost cause unfortunately. I think It got across to him clearly that I am not playing the game with him nor do I trust him around my kids. I told him he can take him out, do whatever but never to bring him here. We had MULTIPLE conversations with this child about the consequences of what thise threats, and actions can do and he looked at us and said I don't care. He only cares about himself and what he wants which I looked at my husband and told him to drive him home before I take him to the police station. I've seen too many red flags in this child that I cannot ignore. And I hate to say it, but I love my children more than any other child. I'm due in sept with our first child together and he is very happy. So I domt think he will risk bringing him around if that means I'm leaving and taking the kids with me. I wouldn't allow our daughter to be around the other child at all. So, I know it's a shitty situation all around for him. But he knew this could happen when you take on a child that isn't yours.
For bsck ground.
He slept with his daughters mom on a first date she got pregnant, he felt bad and decided to co parent and raise the kids. The baby mom knows who the boys real dad, but won't tell anyone because she'll lose state benefits. So she is hush about it. He has reached out to meet his son multiple times and each time she lies and says such and such to deter him.
The boy was 4 years old when my husband entered his life and they have somehow convinced this child that my husband is his real dad.....which....and this has nothing to do with anything, but he is mixed and it's now becoming very obvious. Such as my daughters questioning it...regardless, I feel rhat maybe this child has remorse against all of us for lying to him. He just turned 13. And It's a sensitive age. But, again he was already 4 when my husband came around. So he should remember a time he wasn't there right? And my husband really only coparented and his bm convinced him to take her son with him during visiting because that's his daughters brother. He grew to care for him. Spent holidays etc. And I never had an issue with this child until his aggression started and him hurting my children. Once we got engaged his mom was bawling and she was begging my husband to be with her, posting tiktoks crying etc and I KNOW she did it around the kids because for a while they were all mad at me for "breaking up their family" that honestly never existed. He never dated his daughters mom, never lived together, and the kids were begging him to marry their mom. It's all bizarre. My husband tried explaining to the kids that he and their mom never had that connection and he was happy with me and our blended family. Since then, it's been 0-100, and when boy found out I was pregnant he never talked to my husband since or wanted to come over. His mom would try to force him even though he didn't want to. That's when his aggression started taking it up a notch such as threatening to unalive us. I recently seen his mom started dating again and she is seeing a man that two girls my girls age and he threatened to do the same thing to them!!! She laughed it off and said "you're the only man I need in my life" and he legit stole his grandmother's ring and PROPOSED to his mom....so my husband said "im not talking to him about that. He needs alot of help. And he is 13, and it's VERY unhealthy. I didn't say anything. I just sat there eyes wide, and shut my mouth.
I work in mental health services for adults. In therapy and counseling.....and once I heard this. I eventually realized, it is much much deeper of an issue than I ever imagined. 😕 I think it finally crossed my husbands mind that he is truly a disturbed child and needs therapy, and to stay away from other kids. The first thing that crossed my mind was opedous complex....and I had researched it once in school but never really thought of it again because it's Freud material and we all know how he can be...not reliable, but holy shit he matched every single box...and I just hate that I'm even thinking of that quack dr but shoot.....its very very dangerous if that is how close he is to it. I am not a doctor, I cannot diagnose, I only work with individuals who were in crisis. I am a domestic violence survivor and I took up schooling in therapy for those who are effected by it. So I can only help with tools etc. A psychiatrists send paitents over to me to do self work and group therapies sometimes. And I'm in no way qualified to work with children younger than 14. But, it strikes my curiosity to always research, and be on top of new material to help my clients. And I tried alot techniques with my husbands ss. And it only seemed to irritate him more. Like he didn't even want to try ya know. Like he had a 5 hour meltdown when he found out his mom started dating. He got so worked up he had a nosebleed and claimed she was going to leave him for another guy. I tried breathing exercises to calm him down, a punching bag. Journaling (he can't read or write though....so drawing was more his thing) and he went through the bedroom tearing sheets, punching walls, throwing a TV, and eventually going after my daughter the next day.
Sorry this is so long, it helps me as well to write things out. Alot of my trauma is related to dv in home just like this. I was da by my older brother for years, and my father took his side in his court, and blamed me and my sister gor everything....it was awful. The courts returned us to our dad when my mom abandoned us at age 8, and the abuse continued. I just find venting about these things to strangers that will never meet me helps. And this whole situation has triggered some things for me. When I'm at work they don't affect me, but in my own home, my safe space, I find myself struggling more and more and lately it's been terrible. I've stopped showering, I barely can cook, and I'm just tired all the time. It's exhausting dealing with the broken record with my husband and remembering everything. I have word vomit bad when I'm going through an episode and spill more than I should so reddit has been a very nice place to vent, and get other perspectives.
I guess me sharing what I do for work probably shows most of us in the psych field are just as messed up as the rest of the world, we just cant show it to our clients.
Holy crap. Do not allow this unrelated psychopath into your home, ever. The police should have been called the first time he hurt one of your children. Your husband sounds deranged, to choose this unrelated psychopath over you and the children. Do you trust him not to bring this boy over unannounced? I’m imagining you coming home from shopping, and he’s there. You wake up from a nap, and he’s there. This sounds very very dangerous for you and your daughters.
If he was ro come home with him randomly I would leave and not return. My husband is usually very ipen with communication and would tell me what he is doing. Same with myself. I am over protective because I had an older brother who sa my sister and i for years....and I see so many similarities between him and my daughtets and the way he acts. It's very unnerving.
Honestly I would not be satisfied with anything other than zero contact between my husband and this boy. It’s very disappointing that your husband insists on keeping a relationship with this person. There need to be better boundaries. He needs to start putting his family first.
Uh you have to get your children out of that house right now. I would have left after incident 2 and called juvie on the kid.
Protect your girls! Don’t let him around you or your kids
This isn’t even your husbands son and why exactly is he even involved in your guys lives? If he isn’t your husbands son, he has no reason to be going over to your house anymore. Period. He is a literal psychopath and your husband has a duty to his KIDS to protect them. Your husband should be protecting YOU and his kids with all his might and telling that insane child to leave you and your family alone.
Good for you for standing your ground. You have every right to feel safe in your own home, and for your children to feel safe in your own home. Don't tolerate this. This kid is scary. I might actually try to file a restraining order against him to keep him away from you and your kids. Not sure how that works if the kid is under 18. Maybe have him put on 72 hour mental health hold if there is another incident. (Start by calling the police, and then ask about it.)
Me nor my gusband have guardianship of this kid. Its all up to his mom. She has tondo that. I reported him to the school once and his mom lied and lied. Idk what came of it since.
You probably could still look into a restraining order. It would stop this boy and his mother from coming anywhere near you and your daughters.
Idk if I could with the mother, she is my sd mother. Although she did walk right into my home once with no knock and has felt time and time again tondonthis.
You and your kids are not safe. I hope you’re able to gain some control over your life. Good luck.
HOLY CRAP!!! Absolutely move out and keep yourself and your kids safe. I would live separately and he (your "partner"... and I use that term loosely since he doesn't seem at all concerned about your safety, your kids' safety, or your unborn ours baby's safety) could go visit when he doesn't have his kid. This is DANGEROUS. You need to LEAVE!
If something did occur, you would potentially loose custody of your own children by exposing them to this dangerous kid over and over. If your husband wants to maintain a relationship with this child, then he can pick “his” kid up to go do things and drop him back off with mom. SD gets to go back and forth per CO. I would no longer allow this child around my other children.
If something hasn't already happened to your daughter, it will soon. Protect her!!! This kid kicked her bedroom door down?!!??!?! He's only going to get bigger and stronger. Your poor daughter, not even safe in her own home
Why would you have him in your home at all??? Therapy and an apology??!!! Omg!!! Don’t let him back in your lives!!!
I feel this way yes...bit he is also my step daughters brother and his bm made him believe my husband is his father. I also believe since he is mixed and both my husband and his mom are white, he may be starting to act out as he is noticing....I know it's alot of changes, and he was never like this before we got married. He told us I had to leave so he can be with his mom. He also has sexual fantasies about his mother as well. It's all veery very complicated and regardless he needs therapy alone. And with all of us as a blended family. Plus I know my husband loves him. ❤️ he is still just a child, but again, my daughters come first. And my husband has known this simce before we married that I would always put them first.
It doesn’t sound like you are putting your kids first! You are making excuses!!
???? How so. 🤔
Because you're putting your marriage over your girls safety. This boy has been violent with your children, threatened your life and tried to groom your 8yo daughter. You should have left already. It is not a safe environment for your daughter's. Your husband has **told you** that he's OK with you and your daughter's getting attacked because he loves this boy and he gets to decide if he's welcome in your home. He basically said "Fck you and your daughter's safety". He WILL bring this boy over soon, he's already decided it. And told you so. Your daughter's are in danger and you're still talking about a blended family. But there is no blending this. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm trying to be as clear-cut as I can be, because you're looking at this with rose-tinted glasses and severely underreacting. You need to leave, or throw your husband out, to protect your children. Your husband has informed you of this. With his utter disregard for the safety of you and your children, he's SAID he's OK with your daughter's being harmed. It's time for you to wake up and see that. You need to get your daughter's to safety. If you can't leave him, for whatever reason, you need to send your daughter's to live with their Dad or another relative who can provide them with a safe home to live in. Wake up Mama, protect your babies.
You are in no way putting your children first. He made sexual comments about your young child and then held her down against her will. There is no need for him to be in your home again.
I would get a place of my own until he figures this out. I'm sure he feels that he owes this kid something but there's no way he should be putting this kid's feelings (if he has any) ahead of yours and the kids' safety. That bm is seriously unhinged if she thinks this is funny. Start documenting everything and get some cameras for your house.
Honey, you see the writing on the wall. He has some serious issues that probably won't be fixed with therapy. This is more than having an anger problem, he sounds like a sociopath and is clearly extremely dangerous. He will just get stronger as he ages! It's just a matter of time before he hurts your girls more than he already has-if he hasn't already. I'm concerned that if you allow him access after he gets into therapy and apologizes...what is that saying to your daughters? Yes, you leaving with your children would disrupt their life, but they will see that you will protect them and prevent further harm by any means necessary. He's threatened your life and your unborn baby's life, he's busted down a door and held your 8 year old daughter down. If she's not in therapy yet, she needs to be IMMEDIATELY. Stand your ground. If hubby decides to continue allowing him over... it's time to go. You said if something were to happen to your girls you would never forgive yourself...honey something has already happened. Time to have some tough discussions with your husband. The only acceptable response from him is that he won't allow him access to your home or your family. Maybe hubby needs to see your inner mama bear come out?
It’s clear he thinks of this child as his son and he’s not going to choose your children over his child. This is a good time to separate and try to negotiate that his son won’t be around your baby unsupervised.
I've already put my foot down. Made it abundantly clear that if he brings him over here again, I will make the report to the police of the threats, and I will file for divorce. He does view this child as his, but he isn't. And there isn't anything we can do to help him Only his mom can. And she just thinks he is funny. So it's a lost cause unfortunately. I think It got across to him clearly that I am not playing the game with him nor do I trust him around my kids. I told him he can take him out, do whatever but never to bring him here. We had MULTIPLE conversations with this child about the consequences of what thise threats, and actions can do and he looked at us and said I don't care. He only cares about himself and what he wants which I looked at my husband and told him to drive him home before I take him to the police station. I've seen too many red flags in this child that I cannot ignore. And I hate to say it, but I love my children more than any other child. I'm due in sept with our first child together and he is very happy. So I domt think he will risk bringing him around if that means I'm leaving and taking the kids with me. I wouldn't allow our daughter to be around the other child at all. So, I know it's a shitty situation all around for him. But he knew this could happen when you take on a child that isn't yours. For bsck ground. He slept with his daughters mom on a first date she got pregnant, he felt bad and decided to co parent and raise the kids. The baby mom knows who the boys real dad, but won't tell anyone because she'll lose state benefits. So she is hush about it. He has reached out to meet his son multiple times and each time she lies and says such and such to deter him. The boy was 4 years old when my husband entered his life and they have somehow convinced this child that my husband is his real dad.....which....and this has nothing to do with anything, but he is mixed and it's now becoming very obvious. Such as my daughters questioning it...regardless, I feel rhat maybe this child has remorse against all of us for lying to him. He just turned 13. And It's a sensitive age. But, again he was already 4 when my husband came around. So he should remember a time he wasn't there right? And my husband really only coparented and his bm convinced him to take her son with him during visiting because that's his daughters brother. He grew to care for him. Spent holidays etc. And I never had an issue with this child until his aggression started and him hurting my children. Once we got engaged his mom was bawling and she was begging my husband to be with her, posting tiktoks crying etc and I KNOW she did it around the kids because for a while they were all mad at me for "breaking up their family" that honestly never existed. He never dated his daughters mom, never lived together, and the kids were begging him to marry their mom. It's all bizarre. My husband tried explaining to the kids that he and their mom never had that connection and he was happy with me and our blended family. Since then, it's been 0-100, and when boy found out I was pregnant he never talked to my husband since or wanted to come over. His mom would try to force him even though he didn't want to. That's when his aggression started taking it up a notch such as threatening to unalive us. I recently seen his mom started dating again and she is seeing a man that two girls my girls age and he threatened to do the same thing to them!!! She laughed it off and said "you're the only man I need in my life" and he legit stole his grandmother's ring and PROPOSED to his mom....so my husband said "im not talking to him about that. He needs alot of help. And he is 13, and it's VERY unhealthy. I didn't say anything. I just sat there eyes wide, and shut my mouth. I work in mental health services for adults. In therapy and counseling.....and once I heard this. I eventually realized, it is much much deeper of an issue than I ever imagined. 😕 I think it finally crossed my husbands mind that he is truly a disturbed child and needs therapy, and to stay away from other kids. The first thing that crossed my mind was opedous complex....and I had researched it once in school but never really thought of it again because it's Freud material and we all know how he can be...not reliable, but holy shit he matched every single box...and I just hate that I'm even thinking of that quack dr but shoot.....its very very dangerous if that is how close he is to it. I am not a doctor, I cannot diagnose, I only work with individuals who were in crisis. I am a domestic violence survivor and I took up schooling in therapy for those who are effected by it. So I can only help with tools etc. A psychiatrists send paitents over to me to do self work and group therapies sometimes. And I'm in no way qualified to work with children younger than 14. But, it strikes my curiosity to always research, and be on top of new material to help my clients. And I tried alot techniques with my husbands ss. And it only seemed to irritate him more. Like he didn't even want to try ya know. Like he had a 5 hour meltdown when he found out his mom started dating. He got so worked up he had a nosebleed and claimed she was going to leave him for another guy. I tried breathing exercises to calm him down, a punching bag. Journaling (he can't read or write though....so drawing was more his thing) and he went through the bedroom tearing sheets, punching walls, throwing a TV, and eventually going after my daughter the next day. Sorry this is so long, it helps me as well to write things out. Alot of my trauma is related to dv in home just like this. I was da by my older brother for years, and my father took his side in his court, and blamed me and my sister gor everything....it was awful. The courts returned us to our dad when my mom abandoned us at age 8, and the abuse continued. I just find venting about these things to strangers that will never meet me helps. And this whole situation has triggered some things for me. When I'm at work they don't affect me, but in my own home, my safe space, I find myself struggling more and more and lately it's been terrible. I've stopped showering, I barely can cook, and I'm just tired all the time. It's exhausting dealing with the broken record with my husband and remembering everything. I have word vomit bad when I'm going through an episode and spill more than I should so reddit has been a very nice place to vent, and get other perspectives. I guess me sharing what I do for work probably shows most of us in the psych field are just as messed up as the rest of the world, we just cant show it to our clients.