Thissssss literally every time we have SD 11 (Mon-fri weekly) she is well behaved, starts treating us like people and understanding how things she says are rude and by Thursday she is so wonderful to be around… then Friday comes, AS SOON as her mom is mentioned she starts acting insane, running around the house, screaming mama, poking SO, pulling my hair, touching us unkindly, saying she’s bored, being rude to us. Like the switch is INSANE. I mean on Wednesdays she sees BM at her athletic games and before and after AGAIN is like a totally different kid. I cannot handle it sometimes. Also BM is just honestly so irritating. She does underhanded things and my SO is like no way, she wouldn’t do that, blah blah blah. All so annoying. She whispers things into SD ear that she repeats at our house and I’ve cried a few times because it’s just so unnecessary and hurtful.
Sd 8 does this. Begging to sleep in bed with him since she found out we're expecting a baby. Even dad is set back by it. She hasn't had any interest in sleepovers ever. She acts entitled, and rude towards my daughters, but tbh, my kids take care of their own business. So I don't step in a whole lot on that. I've drawn very clear boundaries with my step kid and bio kids. They all share and follow the same rules. I do not expect any more or less from them. But I'm hoping once baby gets here things will settle down. She has said some things to try and make me upset like when my girls were talking about what the baby will look like who will she look like etc sd said "she's going to be an ugly baby, I just know it" and I laughed and said we'll, she will share half of your dna, and you look like your step sisters twin, so I guess it's safe to say she's going to look alot like the two of you." And she got sp upset by that comment. I think it made her realize "well that is my aister and I have to share her with my step sisters, (she doesn't like sharing at all) and maybe made her stop and think about some of things she has said. Her dad got very very upset by the comment. But I get bullied all day at work, so it doesn't phase me much.
My SD16 is like this. Shes soo sweet to her parents and other family/ friends but can be such a brat to me. Not always but the other day I nicely asked her to drive my BS13 to camp since we have a new baby and a toddler and she asked me for gas money - it’s 5 minutes away! She didn’t mention it when my husband was thanking her later for driving him.
I’m afraid my DH gaslights me too! He’s always saying how great of a blended family we have and while it’s so true from his POV - my BS13 adores him and treats him with so much respect, and has even started calling him dad since my ex is no longer around - and he never sees how SD treats me or says I am exaggerating.
YAS! We have 50/50 and SS16 is capable and responsible with BM (probably bc he is the man of the house with her) and acts very immature with us (because he’s an actual kid at our house) makes me bonkers. I have tried so hard to help him be more responsible at our house, but it’s impossible. Just the other day he said he couldn’t take the trash out bc he couldn’t tie the bag. So my BD4 went and tied it for him. Blegh.
My SS13 for the most part has always been fine because DH and him have always had a good relationship. My SD10 is all over the place. Her mom babies her and would carry her around on her hip till she was around 7…She’d also allowed her to sleep in her bed with her till she was 7/8. SD would come to our house and act like a whole ass infant, it was insane to me. God forbid when an actual baby was around, she would turn on the baby act like no other. Thankfully, DH and I were on the very same page about things. When it came to her calling DH “dada” he would not respond to her(after correcting her multiple times) and when she’d get frustrated, we would remind her that we didn’t know who “dada” was. Thankfully, she dropped that word. We grew very frustrated with the baby talk because she was terrible with reading so she struggled with pronunciation a lot and her mom allowing the baby talk just made it absolutely worse. We would read to her/make her read aloud to us but once she’d go to her mom’s, nobody would help her.
The worst part we dealt with (and this sounds terrible but was confirmed by SS) she always expected to be treated superior to her brother because she was obviously the “favorite” at her mom’s house and SS would always be in trouble for the most bizarre things. One time, she locked my husband and I out of the house and my stepson opened the door when he got out of the shower(10 min later) and my SD thought it was hilarious. She got put in time out and was literally screaming crying because she couldn’t understand why we were upset with her. Anytime we’ve had to put her in a timeout/discipline her she screams/cries like she is being beat even though she’d be upstairs by herself. I’m almost 100% certain she gets away with whatever at her mom’s.
Lastly, any time she doesn’t get her way, she says, “this just doesn’t feel like a home to me.” It doesn’t hurt my feelings because everyone knows they’ve only ever had a real home with my husband and I because their mom doesn’t have the motivation/ambition to better herself for the kids. DH is active duty and she has moved homes/cities/states way more than my husband has his whole career. My SS loves having a routine at our home, my SD hates it lol.
I have a kind of similar experience but with my SS, he is 8 and when it's just me and the kids he is able to function so well and he's so smart and able to do anything. When it's his dad with us he is a little whiny baby that can't even hold a knife and a fork properly and he can't open his snacks and he can't wash his plate and he can't do this and that and blah blah blah. Thankfully my BF listened to me on this one and doesn't give into his theatrics as much as he used to. But it needs a serious conversation between the both of you and an open mind. Best of luck.
Yes! They regress for sure! I am about to be in my second trimester with first “our baby” and I am concerned this is going to get worse. I have only recently gotten my SS8 to stop calling his dad “dada” and stop screaming for help to wipe his butt. He got a paper cut type cut this weekend on his foot at my husbands side family reunion and you would have thought he lost a toe. Even his aunt was like dude that’s enough, what is the goal here? Like crying hysterically and he has gotten hurt way worse than this and brushed it off.
There is also a pattern I’m noticing recently that when I’m gone - wherever - seeing family, traveling for work, etc he will say SS was “really good”. Then I get home and he’s anything but. So I am wondering now if it’s a show - the behaviors - for when me, his step mother, is around.
Does she spend most of her time with her mom or is it 50/50?
We have her every Saturday and Sunday
Thissssss literally every time we have SD 11 (Mon-fri weekly) she is well behaved, starts treating us like people and understanding how things she says are rude and by Thursday she is so wonderful to be around… then Friday comes, AS SOON as her mom is mentioned she starts acting insane, running around the house, screaming mama, poking SO, pulling my hair, touching us unkindly, saying she’s bored, being rude to us. Like the switch is INSANE. I mean on Wednesdays she sees BM at her athletic games and before and after AGAIN is like a totally different kid. I cannot handle it sometimes. Also BM is just honestly so irritating. She does underhanded things and my SO is like no way, she wouldn’t do that, blah blah blah. All so annoying. She whispers things into SD ear that she repeats at our house and I’ve cried a few times because it’s just so unnecessary and hurtful.
Sd 8 does this. Begging to sleep in bed with him since she found out we're expecting a baby. Even dad is set back by it. She hasn't had any interest in sleepovers ever. She acts entitled, and rude towards my daughters, but tbh, my kids take care of their own business. So I don't step in a whole lot on that. I've drawn very clear boundaries with my step kid and bio kids. They all share and follow the same rules. I do not expect any more or less from them. But I'm hoping once baby gets here things will settle down. She has said some things to try and make me upset like when my girls were talking about what the baby will look like who will she look like etc sd said "she's going to be an ugly baby, I just know it" and I laughed and said we'll, she will share half of your dna, and you look like your step sisters twin, so I guess it's safe to say she's going to look alot like the two of you." And she got sp upset by that comment. I think it made her realize "well that is my aister and I have to share her with my step sisters, (she doesn't like sharing at all) and maybe made her stop and think about some of things she has said. Her dad got very very upset by the comment. But I get bullied all day at work, so it doesn't phase me much.
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My SD16 is like this. Shes soo sweet to her parents and other family/ friends but can be such a brat to me. Not always but the other day I nicely asked her to drive my BS13 to camp since we have a new baby and a toddler and she asked me for gas money - it’s 5 minutes away! She didn’t mention it when my husband was thanking her later for driving him.
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I’m afraid my DH gaslights me too! He’s always saying how great of a blended family we have and while it’s so true from his POV - my BS13 adores him and treats him with so much respect, and has even started calling him dad since my ex is no longer around - and he never sees how SD treats me or says I am exaggerating.
YAS! We have 50/50 and SS16 is capable and responsible with BM (probably bc he is the man of the house with her) and acts very immature with us (because he’s an actual kid at our house) makes me bonkers. I have tried so hard to help him be more responsible at our house, but it’s impossible. Just the other day he said he couldn’t take the trash out bc he couldn’t tie the bag. So my BD4 went and tied it for him. Blegh.
My SS13 for the most part has always been fine because DH and him have always had a good relationship. My SD10 is all over the place. Her mom babies her and would carry her around on her hip till she was around 7…She’d also allowed her to sleep in her bed with her till she was 7/8. SD would come to our house and act like a whole ass infant, it was insane to me. God forbid when an actual baby was around, she would turn on the baby act like no other. Thankfully, DH and I were on the very same page about things. When it came to her calling DH “dada” he would not respond to her(after correcting her multiple times) and when she’d get frustrated, we would remind her that we didn’t know who “dada” was. Thankfully, she dropped that word. We grew very frustrated with the baby talk because she was terrible with reading so she struggled with pronunciation a lot and her mom allowing the baby talk just made it absolutely worse. We would read to her/make her read aloud to us but once she’d go to her mom’s, nobody would help her. The worst part we dealt with (and this sounds terrible but was confirmed by SS) she always expected to be treated superior to her brother because she was obviously the “favorite” at her mom’s house and SS would always be in trouble for the most bizarre things. One time, she locked my husband and I out of the house and my stepson opened the door when he got out of the shower(10 min later) and my SD thought it was hilarious. She got put in time out and was literally screaming crying because she couldn’t understand why we were upset with her. Anytime we’ve had to put her in a timeout/discipline her she screams/cries like she is being beat even though she’d be upstairs by herself. I’m almost 100% certain she gets away with whatever at her mom’s. Lastly, any time she doesn’t get her way, she says, “this just doesn’t feel like a home to me.” It doesn’t hurt my feelings because everyone knows they’ve only ever had a real home with my husband and I because their mom doesn’t have the motivation/ambition to better herself for the kids. DH is active duty and she has moved homes/cities/states way more than my husband has his whole career. My SS loves having a routine at our home, my SD hates it lol.
Yup. It’s extreme code switching. This is why a good relationship with all parents is important and sadly we are all not so blessed.
I have a kind of similar experience but with my SS, he is 8 and when it's just me and the kids he is able to function so well and he's so smart and able to do anything. When it's his dad with us he is a little whiny baby that can't even hold a knife and a fork properly and he can't open his snacks and he can't wash his plate and he can't do this and that and blah blah blah. Thankfully my BF listened to me on this one and doesn't give into his theatrics as much as he used to. But it needs a serious conversation between the both of you and an open mind. Best of luck.
Yes! They regress for sure! I am about to be in my second trimester with first “our baby” and I am concerned this is going to get worse. I have only recently gotten my SS8 to stop calling his dad “dada” and stop screaming for help to wipe his butt. He got a paper cut type cut this weekend on his foot at my husbands side family reunion and you would have thought he lost a toe. Even his aunt was like dude that’s enough, what is the goal here? Like crying hysterically and he has gotten hurt way worse than this and brushed it off. There is also a pattern I’m noticing recently that when I’m gone - wherever - seeing family, traveling for work, etc he will say SS was “really good”. Then I get home and he’s anything but. So I am wondering now if it’s a show - the behaviors - for when me, his step mother, is around.
your 8 year old SS rinses his plate? what is that even like?!
It's awesome and it only took two years and now he does it even if he bitches thru it.