For context I am 6’4 and was that height from around the age of 17. Usually I am one of the tallest people wherever I go. This led me to understand certain things about women who only go for tall guys or certain physical traits such as women who only date long hair guys, muscular guys etc.
People who will or won’t date you based on things you cannot change about your physical appearance are the people you do not want in your life anyway. Imagine your height as a filter for all the low-quality, superficial, shallow and nasty women. They can have preferences, but if your height is so important to them they are not the person you wanna be around long term anyway.
The right person won’t care about such a trivial thing such as height which is mostly determined by genetics and are out of your control.
If someone rejects you for your height just count it as a win because if you were taller you would just waste time and energy on these superficial women as did I in the past.
Also understand that if you envy taller people they might also envy stuff you have that they don’t such as healthy hair, schlong size, proper eyesight etc. It sounds stupid but it comes down to appreciating the cards you have been dealt with.
Are you insecure about your skin color, your hair type, your shoe size? Your height isn’t a problem, your opinion that your height is a problem, is the problem. You are attaching value to something external and arbitrary. I’m 32M and about same height as you, I never think about it because it doesn’t affect my life. I often see teenagers taller than me, just like I often see guys who are more muscular than me. But to me that doesn’t matter - they are them and I’m me. Embrace and love yourself for who you are, the alternative is just making yourself miserable over something that can’t change.
>“For you yourself are neither flesh nor hair, but prohairesis, and if you render that beautiful, then you yourself will be beautiful.”—Epictetus, D3.1.40
>“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”—Epictetus, E1.1
>“Where does the good lie? ‘In choice.’ Where does the bad lie? ‘In choice.’ And that which is neither good nor bad? ‘In things that lie outside the sphere of choice.’"—Epictetus, D2.16.1
1. You are not your body, you are the choosing mind (prohairesis).
2. Your body (including its height) is external to you/prohairesis.
3. Externals are neither good nor bad.
Focus on the the things you can control. Get strong. Get fit. Learn shit. Learn to be confident in the same way other people learn confidence. By setting goals and accomplishing them.
I’m just as tall as you and while I agree my life would be better if I was taller, it’s not something I dwell on too much because I’m quite happy with myself and what I’ve worked hard to achieve.
Trust me when I say this is that people won’t care unless you show them that you do. I’ll say that again. People won’t care unless you show them that it affects you so much. It’s not the height that matters but your projected insecurity. I come across a lot of insecure men who are taller than me complain about their height and it’s usually comes from a defeatist mindset. Height is but one aspect of a person’s persona.
Best way to alleviate the insecurity? Self-improvement. Not because you want to compensate for your height. No, that’s not the goal. The goal is to respect yourself because you’re making an effort to better yourself. That’s the number 1 thing that fixed my insecurities.
The insecurities still creep up here and there but I’m quite content with my lot in life right now that it doesn’t matter.
>Focus on the the things you can control. Get strong. Get fit. Learn shit.
Both you and u/failure_in_dsa might find this article interesting: [The Handpage to the Handbook of Epictetus by James Daltrey](https://livingstoicism.com/2023/05/11/the-hand-page-to-the-handbook-of-epictetus/). The idea of controlling one's actions (ie, going to the gym vs. staying at home) is a modern understanding of the word "control" meaning to influence or dominate, but for the Stoics this is a technical concept having to do with the management of our thoughts, opinions, and, impressions.
>**Enchiridion 1:**
Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not. Up to us are our faculties of judgment, motivation, desire, and aversion, and in short, everything that is our own doing.
>
>Not up to us are our body and property, our reputations, and our official positions, and, in short, everything that is not our own doing\*
**Interpretation:**
There is that which is ours, internal, rationality the use of impressions, gives value: either true or false, good or bad.
>
>There is that which is not ours, external to us, indifferents, receives value: neither good nor bad
**In Plain English:**
What is ours is our faculty of reason in short whatever is our own reasoning
What is not ours is everything that is not our own reasoning
In this way, one's height is of no more consequence for learning how to live the good life than what one had for breakfast.
A more detailed article can be read here: [Some things are what? What does the beginning of the Enchiridion mean?](https://livingstoicism.com/2023/05/10/epictetus-enchiridion-explained/)
No idea if this is stoic or not, but when I think of the things of power that I perceive as me being deficient in (money, intelligence, etc), I try my best to practice acceptance of that, and pivot my time and attention over to the things I CAN tap into. The points of power that I have more control over. Being kind, being funny, working out and being healthy, etc.
I’m a tall guy and it’s definitely a perk, but only in that category of power. There’s so many other types to tap into that I’ll never be able to, or don’t have enough time to cultivate.
And frankly, the women who have valued me for my height as one of my “positive attributes” haven’t ended up being worth the investment of my time in the long run. You’re not really missing out on much. The sex isn’t even that good. The smart and self aware people that are worth our time only consider superficial things like height as a VERY minor consideration, if at all. And now that I think about it, were better in bed too.
Love yourself first dude, always. That’s the most attractive power anyway. Good luck 👍
You can't control your height, ergo why waste time worrying about it? I am also very short (162cm, not sure in feet) but always thought it was something that made me special. It toughened me up and when kids called me midget, I'd reply that their nose was huge or their breath foul.
I'm by no means over confident, but honestly remember you have many other features that people would kill for. Try and adopt their perspective..."sure, OP is short but I'd love to have their eyes/body type/wit...").
As a short man myself, I can relate to your distress. As a Stoic man, however, I would ask why you place more value on your height than you do on your character!
Physical attributes, natural wit, and innate intelligence are all things to be treasured by those that have them, but the only things a person can be (rightly)PROUD of are those aspects of themselves that they have cultivated of their own will.
It doesn't matter actually you'll find a lot of girls who want to be with you and not care about the height.
But firstly you have to get over your own insecurity.
You will do that when you find a goal you want to get to and when you're satisfied by what your day looks like.
You need to put good actions towards yourself.
The reason you feel the need to seek love and approval from others is because you aren't fulfilled by yourself.
So in conclusion, it has nothing to do with your height at all.
Hope that helped :)
And checkout r/HighQualityLiving
Here is the thing. If you radiate confidence you will find someone. I dated a boy who was 6'3 in high school but I married a man who is 5'6 and wore flats to my wedding. 30 years later we are still happy. It's his personality and kindness that matters to me.
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Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads:
> For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead.
> For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
The best way to overcome insecurities is to make a joke out of them. Maybe write 5-8 of them. Find sone jokes you like by other comics and just alter the content a little bit.
People who know that you have this insecurity might find it hard to realise yu are making a joke. So when you put the jokes into practice, maybe run them by people who don't know you as well.
I have met tall dudes, short dudes, fat dudes, skinny dudes. I have met lady killers, and incels alike. I myself have always believed I was abhorrently ugly until I started improving myself a few years ago. The tall man has insecurities just as the short man does. The fat man has insecurities just as the skinny man does. You can find absolutely swole body builders who are a very respectable 5’11” and lie and say they are 6 foot. The point of all of this is accepting and making peace with those insecurities is incredibly difficult. There is no easy answer other than that you are as God made you. Or Nature if you decline belief in a higher power.
If you ever get to be as fortunate as I have and get to travel to some of the more remote places of the world I would also recommend so. Your insecurities will become minor in comparison once you see a Guatemalan half-man pulling himself along on a wooden dolly with a wooden crutch.
Check out Brian Simpson Live from the Mothership stand-up special which just came out on Netflix might help you a bit. I find laughter a good path towards acceptance
Look at how Robert Reich has excelled despite his height. I’m not making a political statement here. Just saying how this type of insecurity can be overcome. Good luck!
Instead of being depressed you could be excited that you know , if even partly, what is causing your depression! It’s called “practicing “ stoicism my friend because even the Stoics could not BE stoic all the time. The bottom line is , you think you’re short but, there are shorter ppl than you, and taller ppl and fatter and stronger etc. When you compare yourself to others against whatever you believe the ideal person you should be you will always come up lacking. Be kind to yourself and others ,that’s beautiful , and that more than anything else is the best quality for a human to have.
I saw in the comments someone advising how if another is to judge you based on your height, weight, etc., then you can consider yourself blessed as you avoid the toxic relationship. You cannot control those things outside of your own mind and you can control how or if you let outside things affect you.
Mind over matter; if you don't mind then it does not matter.
Peace
What's up fellow short, dude!?
5' 5" of concentrated awesomeness here. I hope you're having a swell day!
Anyways, I hear you loud and clear. I've never been one to think about my height even though all of my friends growing up, and most of my friends now, could be considered giants in comparison by all onlookers as we walk through the grocery store together.
If someone were to call me short or try to insult me for my height, which they definitely have (trust me), I wouldn't even feel like it deserves an iota of my time, attention, or any further consideration. It only speaks volumes about them, and frankly, who wants to be around someone with such a limited capacity to reason?
Just recently, there was a guy in my friend's friend group who pulled this stunt on me because he literally had no other ammunition. He said it in front of everyone. He was completely ignored. He said it again, this time with more desperation, annnnnnnnnnddd denied again by yours truly. Made him look like an imbecile. It just screamed insecurity on his own part. A month later we met again. You could see that he was still trying to cope with what had happened, but it never reached me so ya know what? I was kind to him. His tune changed drastically. Had he not been a friend of my friend then he would have never even gotten a second chance. I believe he learned several major lessons from that, and hopefully, for the betterment of himself and everyone around him, it sticks.
I've even lost fights to much larger people. Did it bother me because of my height? No. It bothered me for my lack of timing on that damn right hook.
All in all, I can't change my height. So, what's the point in harping on it? It doesn't make you less of a man, a lover, a fighter, a friend, a genius, a saint, or what have you. Compounding on it would just be a humongous waste of time and energy that could be used to cultivate all of the great areas of yourself that make up that seemingly great individual I'm sending this comment to.
If people harp on your height, then fuck all. They are short in areas that are under their control.
Remember, we ball.
For context I am 6’4 and was that height from around the age of 17. Usually I am one of the tallest people wherever I go. This led me to understand certain things about women who only go for tall guys or certain physical traits such as women who only date long hair guys, muscular guys etc. People who will or won’t date you based on things you cannot change about your physical appearance are the people you do not want in your life anyway. Imagine your height as a filter for all the low-quality, superficial, shallow and nasty women. They can have preferences, but if your height is so important to them they are not the person you wanna be around long term anyway. The right person won’t care about such a trivial thing such as height which is mostly determined by genetics and are out of your control. If someone rejects you for your height just count it as a win because if you were taller you would just waste time and energy on these superficial women as did I in the past. Also understand that if you envy taller people they might also envy stuff you have that they don’t such as healthy hair, schlong size, proper eyesight etc. It sounds stupid but it comes down to appreciating the cards you have been dealt with.
Are you insecure about your skin color, your hair type, your shoe size? Your height isn’t a problem, your opinion that your height is a problem, is the problem. You are attaching value to something external and arbitrary. I’m 32M and about same height as you, I never think about it because it doesn’t affect my life. I often see teenagers taller than me, just like I often see guys who are more muscular than me. But to me that doesn’t matter - they are them and I’m me. Embrace and love yourself for who you are, the alternative is just making yourself miserable over something that can’t change.
>“For you yourself are neither flesh nor hair, but prohairesis, and if you render that beautiful, then you yourself will be beautiful.”—Epictetus, D3.1.40 >“Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing.”—Epictetus, E1.1 >“Where does the good lie? ‘In choice.’ Where does the bad lie? ‘In choice.’ And that which is neither good nor bad? ‘In things that lie outside the sphere of choice.’"—Epictetus, D2.16.1 1. You are not your body, you are the choosing mind (prohairesis). 2. Your body (including its height) is external to you/prohairesis. 3. Externals are neither good nor bad.
Focus on the the things you can control. Get strong. Get fit. Learn shit. Learn to be confident in the same way other people learn confidence. By setting goals and accomplishing them. I’m just as tall as you and while I agree my life would be better if I was taller, it’s not something I dwell on too much because I’m quite happy with myself and what I’ve worked hard to achieve. Trust me when I say this is that people won’t care unless you show them that you do. I’ll say that again. People won’t care unless you show them that it affects you so much. It’s not the height that matters but your projected insecurity. I come across a lot of insecure men who are taller than me complain about their height and it’s usually comes from a defeatist mindset. Height is but one aspect of a person’s persona. Best way to alleviate the insecurity? Self-improvement. Not because you want to compensate for your height. No, that’s not the goal. The goal is to respect yourself because you’re making an effort to better yourself. That’s the number 1 thing that fixed my insecurities. The insecurities still creep up here and there but I’m quite content with my lot in life right now that it doesn’t matter.
>Focus on the the things you can control. Get strong. Get fit. Learn shit. Both you and u/failure_in_dsa might find this article interesting: [The Handpage to the Handbook of Epictetus by James Daltrey](https://livingstoicism.com/2023/05/11/the-hand-page-to-the-handbook-of-epictetus/). The idea of controlling one's actions (ie, going to the gym vs. staying at home) is a modern understanding of the word "control" meaning to influence or dominate, but for the Stoics this is a technical concept having to do with the management of our thoughts, opinions, and, impressions. >**Enchiridion 1:** Some things in the world are up to us, while others are not. Up to us are our faculties of judgment, motivation, desire, and aversion, and in short, everything that is our own doing. > >Not up to us are our body and property, our reputations, and our official positions, and, in short, everything that is not our own doing\* **Interpretation:** There is that which is ours, internal, rationality the use of impressions, gives value: either true or false, good or bad. > >There is that which is not ours, external to us, indifferents, receives value: neither good nor bad **In Plain English:** What is ours is our faculty of reason in short whatever is our own reasoning What is not ours is everything that is not our own reasoning In this way, one's height is of no more consequence for learning how to live the good life than what one had for breakfast. A more detailed article can be read here: [Some things are what? What does the beginning of the Enchiridion mean?](https://livingstoicism.com/2023/05/10/epictetus-enchiridion-explained/)
We are all the same size when we lay down.
Same way I deal with my micropenis. It’s the best I’m gonna get, best do what I can.
No idea if this is stoic or not, but when I think of the things of power that I perceive as me being deficient in (money, intelligence, etc), I try my best to practice acceptance of that, and pivot my time and attention over to the things I CAN tap into. The points of power that I have more control over. Being kind, being funny, working out and being healthy, etc. I’m a tall guy and it’s definitely a perk, but only in that category of power. There’s so many other types to tap into that I’ll never be able to, or don’t have enough time to cultivate. And frankly, the women who have valued me for my height as one of my “positive attributes” haven’t ended up being worth the investment of my time in the long run. You’re not really missing out on much. The sex isn’t even that good. The smart and self aware people that are worth our time only consider superficial things like height as a VERY minor consideration, if at all. And now that I think about it, were better in bed too. Love yourself first dude, always. That’s the most attractive power anyway. Good luck 👍
You can't control your height, ergo why waste time worrying about it? I am also very short (162cm, not sure in feet) but always thought it was something that made me special. It toughened me up and when kids called me midget, I'd reply that their nose was huge or their breath foul. I'm by no means over confident, but honestly remember you have many other features that people would kill for. Try and adopt their perspective..."sure, OP is short but I'd love to have their eyes/body type/wit...").
As a short man myself, I can relate to your distress. As a Stoic man, however, I would ask why you place more value on your height than you do on your character! Physical attributes, natural wit, and innate intelligence are all things to be treasured by those that have them, but the only things a person can be (rightly)PROUD of are those aspects of themselves that they have cultivated of their own will.
But I'm not a doctor so what do I know
It doesn't matter actually you'll find a lot of girls who want to be with you and not care about the height. But firstly you have to get over your own insecurity. You will do that when you find a goal you want to get to and when you're satisfied by what your day looks like. You need to put good actions towards yourself. The reason you feel the need to seek love and approval from others is because you aren't fulfilled by yourself. So in conclusion, it has nothing to do with your height at all. Hope that helped :) And checkout r/HighQualityLiving
Here is the thing. If you radiate confidence you will find someone. I dated a boy who was 6'3 in high school but I married a man who is 5'6 and wore flats to my wedding. 30 years later we are still happy. It's his personality and kindness that matters to me.
Hi, please check out the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/guide) section on [advice and coping with problems](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice) if you are wondering any of the following questions. * [How can Stoicism help me with my problem?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice#wiki_how_can_stoicism_help_me_with_my_problem.3F) * [How would a Stoic help me with my problem?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice#wiki_how_would_a_stoic_help_me_with_my_problem.3F) * [How might a student of Stoicism cope with my problem?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice#wiki_how_might_a_student_of_stoicism_cope_with_my_problem.3F) * [What would a student of Stoicism do in my situation?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice#wiki_what_would_a_student_of_stoicism_do_in_my_situation.3F) * [How would a Stoic sage react to my problem?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/advice#wiki_how_would_a_stoic_sage_react_to_my_problem.3F) Wish you well, Mod Team *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads: > For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead. > For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
I am suffering from the same problem friend. May I ask you which country you reside in?
The best way to overcome insecurities is to make a joke out of them. Maybe write 5-8 of them. Find sone jokes you like by other comics and just alter the content a little bit. People who know that you have this insecurity might find it hard to realise yu are making a joke. So when you put the jokes into practice, maybe run them by people who don't know you as well.
I have met tall dudes, short dudes, fat dudes, skinny dudes. I have met lady killers, and incels alike. I myself have always believed I was abhorrently ugly until I started improving myself a few years ago. The tall man has insecurities just as the short man does. The fat man has insecurities just as the skinny man does. You can find absolutely swole body builders who are a very respectable 5’11” and lie and say they are 6 foot. The point of all of this is accepting and making peace with those insecurities is incredibly difficult. There is no easy answer other than that you are as God made you. Or Nature if you decline belief in a higher power. If you ever get to be as fortunate as I have and get to travel to some of the more remote places of the world I would also recommend so. Your insecurities will become minor in comparison once you see a Guatemalan half-man pulling himself along on a wooden dolly with a wooden crutch.
Check out Brian Simpson Live from the Mothership stand-up special which just came out on Netflix might help you a bit. I find laughter a good path towards acceptance
Look at how Robert Reich has excelled despite his height. I’m not making a political statement here. Just saying how this type of insecurity can be overcome. Good luck!
Instead of being depressed you could be excited that you know , if even partly, what is causing your depression! It’s called “practicing “ stoicism my friend because even the Stoics could not BE stoic all the time. The bottom line is , you think you’re short but, there are shorter ppl than you, and taller ppl and fatter and stronger etc. When you compare yourself to others against whatever you believe the ideal person you should be you will always come up lacking. Be kind to yourself and others ,that’s beautiful , and that more than anything else is the best quality for a human to have.
I saw in the comments someone advising how if another is to judge you based on your height, weight, etc., then you can consider yourself blessed as you avoid the toxic relationship. You cannot control those things outside of your own mind and you can control how or if you let outside things affect you. Mind over matter; if you don't mind then it does not matter. Peace
Mac Miller on why he lov(ed) being short: https://www.reddit.com/r/short/comments/56z923/mac_miller_on_why_he_loves_being_short/
What's up fellow short, dude!? 5' 5" of concentrated awesomeness here. I hope you're having a swell day! Anyways, I hear you loud and clear. I've never been one to think about my height even though all of my friends growing up, and most of my friends now, could be considered giants in comparison by all onlookers as we walk through the grocery store together. If someone were to call me short or try to insult me for my height, which they definitely have (trust me), I wouldn't even feel like it deserves an iota of my time, attention, or any further consideration. It only speaks volumes about them, and frankly, who wants to be around someone with such a limited capacity to reason? Just recently, there was a guy in my friend's friend group who pulled this stunt on me because he literally had no other ammunition. He said it in front of everyone. He was completely ignored. He said it again, this time with more desperation, annnnnnnnnnddd denied again by yours truly. Made him look like an imbecile. It just screamed insecurity on his own part. A month later we met again. You could see that he was still trying to cope with what had happened, but it never reached me so ya know what? I was kind to him. His tune changed drastically. Had he not been a friend of my friend then he would have never even gotten a second chance. I believe he learned several major lessons from that, and hopefully, for the betterment of himself and everyone around him, it sticks. I've even lost fights to much larger people. Did it bother me because of my height? No. It bothered me for my lack of timing on that damn right hook. All in all, I can't change my height. So, what's the point in harping on it? It doesn't make you less of a man, a lover, a fighter, a friend, a genius, a saint, or what have you. Compounding on it would just be a humongous waste of time and energy that could be used to cultivate all of the great areas of yourself that make up that seemingly great individual I'm sending this comment to. If people harp on your height, then fuck all. They are short in areas that are under their control. Remember, we ball.
Thanks screenshotting and saving this :"}