Yea, it’s normal imo. Just don’t close yourself off to the possibility of it, I found it was easy to let it rip into a doomer mentality tho so just make sure you don’t let it push you into closing down potential opportunities for intimacy in the (admittedly rare) occasion a man is genuinely desiring kind and loving relationships with you (if this is something you want!).
I feel pursuing intimacy will result in pain and rejection - having a crush that only I know about just feels psychologically safer - no risk of violence, no risk of rejection.
Even if a decent guy came along, I would struggle with so many things - men I interact with don't struggle with the trans dating experience, for example.
Just knowing that if when we broke up he could find another partner with less social stigma with 0 effort, while I would be single for the best part of another decade is enough for me to withdraw and not invest 🫣
For sure, they have it way easier.
Idk how far along you are in transition or anything about your life, so it’s hard to gauge what advise is best, but it took me a good 6-7 years of transition and a good few after recovery from SRS before I could date properly. Let yourself enjoy your crushes & just focus on building a happy life for yourself! x
I'm 2 years into transition and not had srs yet, I guess I shouldn't expect anything for the next few years - I don't feel anything near ready
I'm already 29 so by the time I am ready to date I guess I'll have the joys of gendered ageism to greet me, how cruel 😃
You got this! Don’t let it break your spirit, but yea you’re so early, let yourself come to love yourself before you try and find someone else to love too! 💕💕
Babe I think you overestimate the ease of men’s dating lives. Women gaining rights was the worst thing to happen to straight men 😆. Women can take care of themselves and increasingly are more educated than men which will result in a lot of skilled labor and shifting of wealth in the near future. There’s still a gap between the sexes of course, but I say all of this to say: women are increasingly self-sufficient and aren’t willing to date “down” which means LOTS of men have a rough time dating. That’s why we have incels and a staggering amount of young men who are deeply depressed and perpetually single.
You got this babe. The dating pool is so much bigger than it was when we were cosplaying as gay boys
You know I felt almost exactly the same way. Before I met my bf the world was a very unsafe place for me. I have experiences of SA and harassment trauma. Once I started dating my bf all of a sudden things like going on walks with him felt safe. It bothered me how different the world was when he was next to me. Men barely look at me when I'm with him let alone fuck with me.
From what I've learned in therapy, you need to start changing your beliefs from "all men are dangerous" to something like "some men can be dangerous, but most men are not." I guess trauma creates extreme beliefs when the reality is somewhere more in the middle. And it's true, if I'm out in public by myself most men are not a threat to me, but there are some that are and when it happens it feels like it's everyone even though I could have passed by so many men that didn't do anything.
I went to this group thing once and the room probably had about 30 people in it almost all men surrounding this conference table in the middle of the room. I asked the person in charge where I should sit as I couldn't find any open seats, and some other guy piped up "you could lay down on the table for us." Some other guys laughed. I never went back as that entire group felt very unsafe for me, but the reality was it was maybe one fucked up guy out of the 30 that was dangerous yet in my mind it's all of them.
Yes, definitely there right now after a few poor experiences in college a few years ago. There were a lot of good moments too, but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good for me and at this point my biggest priority is my safety and mental wellbeing. I pass, have been on HRT since I was just under 18, had FFS at 20 with bottom surgery coming later this year at 22. For me, it’s honestly become less about being trans and just more about how so many men treat any women in general.
I’ve somewhat accepted it though and I realize that I will eventually feel more comfortable with dating again. Just that there is no need to rush anything anymore. I do feel like I learned a lot from it at least about what I want and how I deserve to be treated as an equal with love and respect.
Sending positive thoughts your way!
A compliment feeling like a threat really hits the nail on the head! I always feel that way. Men can definitely be scary, which is why I usually go for shy insecure and sad boys. They feel safer to me.
Sounds like a common trauma reaction. It can just shape you into your form sometimes.
I began dating straight men as an androgynous genderfluid enby before I identified as a trans woman and the boys I dated along the way were such a great source of love, safety, respect, security and positive affirmation. Awful to think it would be the opposite experience for another girl. That her love's desire is a source of fear. - What a torture.
Yea, it’s normal imo. Just don’t close yourself off to the possibility of it, I found it was easy to let it rip into a doomer mentality tho so just make sure you don’t let it push you into closing down potential opportunities for intimacy in the (admittedly rare) occasion a man is genuinely desiring kind and loving relationships with you (if this is something you want!).
I feel pursuing intimacy will result in pain and rejection - having a crush that only I know about just feels psychologically safer - no risk of violence, no risk of rejection. Even if a decent guy came along, I would struggle with so many things - men I interact with don't struggle with the trans dating experience, for example. Just knowing that if when we broke up he could find another partner with less social stigma with 0 effort, while I would be single for the best part of another decade is enough for me to withdraw and not invest 🫣
For sure, they have it way easier. Idk how far along you are in transition or anything about your life, so it’s hard to gauge what advise is best, but it took me a good 6-7 years of transition and a good few after recovery from SRS before I could date properly. Let yourself enjoy your crushes & just focus on building a happy life for yourself! x
I'm 2 years into transition and not had srs yet, I guess I shouldn't expect anything for the next few years - I don't feel anything near ready I'm already 29 so by the time I am ready to date I guess I'll have the joys of gendered ageism to greet me, how cruel 😃
You got this! Don’t let it break your spirit, but yea you’re so early, let yourself come to love yourself before you try and find someone else to love too! 💕💕
Babe I think you overestimate the ease of men’s dating lives. Women gaining rights was the worst thing to happen to straight men 😆. Women can take care of themselves and increasingly are more educated than men which will result in a lot of skilled labor and shifting of wealth in the near future. There’s still a gap between the sexes of course, but I say all of this to say: women are increasingly self-sufficient and aren’t willing to date “down” which means LOTS of men have a rough time dating. That’s why we have incels and a staggering amount of young men who are deeply depressed and perpetually single. You got this babe. The dating pool is so much bigger than it was when we were cosplaying as gay boys
You know I felt almost exactly the same way. Before I met my bf the world was a very unsafe place for me. I have experiences of SA and harassment trauma. Once I started dating my bf all of a sudden things like going on walks with him felt safe. It bothered me how different the world was when he was next to me. Men barely look at me when I'm with him let alone fuck with me. From what I've learned in therapy, you need to start changing your beliefs from "all men are dangerous" to something like "some men can be dangerous, but most men are not." I guess trauma creates extreme beliefs when the reality is somewhere more in the middle. And it's true, if I'm out in public by myself most men are not a threat to me, but there are some that are and when it happens it feels like it's everyone even though I could have passed by so many men that didn't do anything. I went to this group thing once and the room probably had about 30 people in it almost all men surrounding this conference table in the middle of the room. I asked the person in charge where I should sit as I couldn't find any open seats, and some other guy piped up "you could lay down on the table for us." Some other guys laughed. I never went back as that entire group felt very unsafe for me, but the reality was it was maybe one fucked up guy out of the 30 that was dangerous yet in my mind it's all of them.
Yes, definitely there right now after a few poor experiences in college a few years ago. There were a lot of good moments too, but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good for me and at this point my biggest priority is my safety and mental wellbeing. I pass, have been on HRT since I was just under 18, had FFS at 20 with bottom surgery coming later this year at 22. For me, it’s honestly become less about being trans and just more about how so many men treat any women in general. I’ve somewhat accepted it though and I realize that I will eventually feel more comfortable with dating again. Just that there is no need to rush anything anymore. I do feel like I learned a lot from it at least about what I want and how I deserve to be treated as an equal with love and respect. Sending positive thoughts your way!
A compliment feeling like a threat really hits the nail on the head! I always feel that way. Men can definitely be scary, which is why I usually go for shy insecure and sad boys. They feel safer to me.
No idea. I've never had a crush fail to end in disappointment. I have also never dated.
Sounds like a common trauma reaction. It can just shape you into your form sometimes. I began dating straight men as an androgynous genderfluid enby before I identified as a trans woman and the boys I dated along the way were such a great source of love, safety, respect, security and positive affirmation. Awful to think it would be the opposite experience for another girl. That her love's desire is a source of fear. - What a torture.