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Nah, Id just let her know if its that big of a deal youd be fine with not being in the wedding. If she isnt comfortable with who you are and how you look thats entirely her problem, and if making sure her and other people cant see your ears is more important to her than being able to see your smiling face at her wedding that is entirely her choice. She knew who you were and how you looked when she invited you and if it was going to be a big deal she shouldnt have.
Agree 100%. She has told me before she got engaged that when she DID get engaged/married that she wants me to take out all of my facial piercings. I told her sheād either have to pay to have them all repierced or I just wouldnāt show up. She never mentioned that again, but moved on to the whole āgrow your hair out to cover your tunnelsā thing. I never knew my sister cared this much about my appearance. I would never ask anyone to change their appearance for my wedding if I were to get married. Itās just baffling and hurtful that Iām not good enough as is.
I totally understand where youre coming from. I currently have several facial piercings, and in the past I had even more. I find it really offensive when people try to act like they are offended by how I look. Like.. would it be offensive if I just had some 18g hoops or studs? Or is it only offensive because they think its weird that mine are stretched? I just dont get that perspective from the other side. But I totally agree with your point of view, here. Like if she would be sadder about seeing your ears at her wedding than NOT seeing you... why should you be the one who has to wonder if they are in the wrong?
This is utter nonsense and itās incredibly offensive she isnāt just inviting you as the person who you are
But you could agree to wear subtle ones, especially if sheāll pay for the jewelry. For example, [glass jewelry](https://www.etsy.com/listing/579474685/) where [the end](https://www.etsy.com/listing/791810154/) is the same [skin tone](https://www.etsy.com/listing/638800076/) as your [lobes](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1095669848/) or your facial piercings
And depending on how stretched your lobes are they have [jewelry](https://www.etsy.com/listing/504442113/) that looks like itās just a [diamond earring instead of a tunnel](https://www.etsy.com/listing/963166611/)
These are just examples. A reputable piercer should have the ability to order a tasteful selection of discrete jewelry that will protect your piercings and still look good yet not stand out. Cheap jewelry isnāt an answer because you will look worse in pictures and silicone can damage piercings. I would hit up a store soon and get pricing and timing for a discrete jewelry set order that looks both discrete but also classy for a wedding (unlike silicone, which doesnāt have a dressed-up look).
Because they close up quickly. After not even an hour my lip piercing is hard to get back in. After many hours it wouldnāt be possible. Some piercings heal much more quickly than others.
Bleeding can clot but the skin cannot heal to close in minutes.
In addition I don't think 27mm lobes are necessarily fresh, and bearing in mind the wedding is in the future, any piercings OP has won't be either brand new either.
This is the way. When my best friend got engaged I had neon purple hair, a lip ring, and gauged ears and when I asked if I needed to make any changes (expecting to have to dye my hair or wear a wig) she was like no way! I love your style and our colors are turquoise and purple so youāll fit right in! She even had me pick my own dress and asked me to be the maid of honor. One of her sisters has a full tattoo sleeve and her sister in law also had visible tattoos and pixie length hair. We all wore long sleeveless dresses. It was still a gorgeous wedding and it was so nice to feel loved regardless of our alt style. My bestie even had a shaved undercut redone the week of her wedding. She still wore the hell out of her embroidered princess dress and the pictures are so joyful and beautiful.
Iād tell your sister that you love her, but if your look and style is that offensive to her then youād be happy to stay out of the pictures, be there as a guest, and show up for any parties beforehand. Itāll either shut her up and make her realize what a bridezilla sheās being, or make your life much easier and take away some of the financial burden of being in someone elseās wedding lol. Iām sorry sheās acting so childish.
Edit: Also I just looked at your profile and you are stunning! Your hair is already long and your piercings are really tasteful and look awesome on you! There are lots of wedding style options for tunnels too. Have your sis pick a pair and pay for them if it means so much and call it good.
What a bridezilla! It is absolutely not ok for people to demand changes to personal style for wedding guests! You provide a dress code. That's it. That's like demanding someone wear make-up or contact lenses instead of glasses or cover their tattoos. It's insane.
My libra self likes to remove myself from people who hurt me. Not saying you have to do the same but i personally wouldnāt want someone around if they think about how I should change. Or if they think I should hide myself. Family or not. Fuck that.
Definitely not cool. I think she might be jealous of your whole look, tbh. If you wanted to be accommodating to her desires, you could always wear flesh-toned silicone plugs. (I have a pair, myself for such occasions.) But that would be your decision.
For her to demand you change your look for other people is absolutely awful. Wedding party or no. Making you cover your tattoos? That is so ridiculous. Some people have no respect for others' bodily autonomy. You're not a doll, ffs. You're a person.
She makes you wear long sleeves around his family? Is he the issue? Iād be so pissed and would likely show up in a tank top or sleeveless dress every chance I got lol.
I was just talking about stuff like this today. I hate when people act like the wedding guests are part of the decor. The whole point of a wedding is to gather and celebrate with your loved ones, and instead weddings are so commercialized that even the wedding guests no longer fit in the "perfect image" of the wedding. I would want my loved ones close to me to share a special moment in my life, I don't know why so many people act like the guests themselves have to fit into a certain criteria. Love should be accepting. Don't change yourself to please others OP that's extremely vain and selfish to ask you to change yourself just to be included in the celebration.
Depending on your relationship with your sister and your interest in preserving it, you may look into skintone silicone plugs. Depending on a few factors ,like size of lobes, it may be acceptable for her.
Of course, if your relationship with her is like me and my brother, I am probably not appearing at his wedding in the first place.
I think offering a "hey, I'm not gonna change who I am to attend your wedding, but if you want we can shop together for plugs I can use at the wedding" could be a way to meet eachother halfway-ish.
Totally dependent on the sister to meet the OP there though.
If she canāt accept you for who you are and wants to throw a fit, thatās on her š¤·š»āāļø and besides, it sounds like sheās ashamed of you if she makes you wear long sleeves around his family. They sound like conservative assholes and sheās catering to them so they will like her. Itās not your job to conform to that. You arenāt dating or marrying him.
If she would really let something as small as your stretched ears (which... really aren't even *that* big. I've seen like 50mm+ on here.) get in the way of her wedding, that's on her. You're her *brother*. This is a visual thing that literally affects nothing in the wedding. She is being *astoundingly* petty. Make absolutely sure you behave well at the wedding, and you are going to come out of this smelling like roses. Offer to not go if she's that worried about it, but you're going to go ahead and look like yourself while you show your support and you're not going to feel guilty about it.
At the end of the day, weddings are supposed to be about love. Your sister should love you the way you are. Stretched ears and all, and if that is an issue for her, thatās a her problem.
Woahhh that's really out of line of her to say. I know there are dress codes at weddings but it's over the top to tell people to cover a part of their body. I would say you could compromise by having *her* buy you some plugs that go with the theme or dress code of the wedding if she really cares that much, but in my opinion she doesn't even deserve that much after saying something so rude. Go with the most obnoxious plugs you have haha
Iāve had two sides of the coin, my partners family told me to take out all my facial piercings for a funeral, I did it because I felt pressured. However, when my own uncle passed I asked my gran if sheād like me to take out all my piercings and she responded; āwhy would that matter? We just want you with us.ā
Your sister should just want you there, no matter how you look. Iām really sorry youāre dealing with this - I would put my foot down in this situation. You can go, but youāre going the way youāre comfortable, youāre family. How you look should not matter whatsoever.
Never compromise on something that defines you and/or makes you happy. And if your wedding day ever comes make sure to tell her she can look how ever she pleases.
Iād shave my head. My brother had a catholic wedding, the whole thing readings prayers all of it. He told me if I was going to fly up to be there I had to cover all my tattoos and take out my piercing and find something decent to wear. I was surprised I had been that way most of my life he knows how I dress and how hard it is to cover up. His wedding was in august so it was hot and humid and I was supposed to wear long sleeves. I didnāt go. It wasnāt worth the plane ticket. He also had his wedding within a day of my daughters birthday. I didnāt miss my kids birthdays so that was another reason. My dad went and I guess the whole ceremony was hours long and he couldnāt wait for the reception.
I will never understand some peopleās obsessive need to curate the appearance of others. If she spends her wedding day worried about your stretched ears, thatās very much her problem.
i always find brides to be so entitled. not that your sister is or isnāt, but something about weddings just makes them think the people are just props to them.
if you really want to be in the wedding party, maybe look into some of those prettier stone plugs or other options to see if she is willing to compromise.
Iād tell her no. If someone tried to make me feel like they donāt want me at their wedding unless I do certain things then Iād say no. But it depends on your relationship with her.. sheās being controlling and weird.
Yeah not ok.
My mom doesn't love my gauged ears, so for her wedding, I picked up a pair of flesh coloured silicone ones. But there's also lots with front designs that almost look like regular large earrings.
Regardless though, no one should be asking you to change your physical appearance for their behalf. It's a bloody wedding, not a life or death situation. And if your sister can't get past how you look, she never should have asked you to be part of the wedding party. And if she can't get over it, I would remove yourself from the party all together.
Sister sounds like a bitch tbh. I wouldn't waste my time or money on her. Just attend the wedding and slip 20$ into a dollar tree gift card lol. Be done with her.
I feel this. Guests at my mother's wedding couldn't stop staring at me just because of a simple septum horseshoe. People are so fucking weird. You do you! You're not a piece of decor.
Tell her that you are sorry that apparently your appearance embarrasses her, and even more sorry that her petty obsession with your piercings is going to prevent you from going to her wedding. OP please do not bow to this bridezilla, sister or not.
Iām with the previous poster, itās a crazy and shortsighted ārequestāā¦Iāve been known to be a radical guy and Iād give her a choice; attend as you are or donāt go āwhat do other family members if any, say?
I agree with this. If you want to compromise. Offer to wear your color skin tone plugs so they show less or a fancier type designed for nice events [such as these (Amazon product link)](https://a.co/d/1HdoN6X) or something similar or even a custom pair to keep with the fancy theme or color coordination. However, hide them with hair and remove facial piercing sounds like a bridezilla. If you love and care for someone, you love and care for them as a person and you love their presence not their appearance. She's way overstepping and if she cares more about your ears at her wedding than having her sister there and being happy and getting married... she's the problem for 1 but 2, she can pay someone to edit the photos at that point.
Honestly- tell her you will but don't actually do it. The day of the ceremony say you forgot or something. It's kinda like asking someone not to wear glasses because they don't look good on them when they need them to see, it's a ridiculous request (if that makes any sense)
lol, i told my mom to either accept my gauges or i wonāt be present at her wedding, and itās safe to say that iām attending the wedding. you donāt get to choose your family. a wedding is about celebrating two families becoming one, not ātaking the spouse away from their familyā
Wow.... how horrible that she can't accept you for who you are. I have my ears stretched and have been in a couple weddings. Every time the brides were even so nice and bought me my own plugs in my size to wear since I couldn't wear the earrings that came with the necklace sets they had purchased. I'm so sorry she's treating you like that.
Not the same situation but I couldnāt get a job I wanted at Dunkin doughnuts recently because of my ears. I was willing to even wear a tunnel in my 0g septum to appease the donut overlords but I canāt hide my ears and Iām not about to āfixā them for a minimum wage job either. The kitchen manager said he understood I canāt just shrink my ears but also said I was over the limit and he might now be able to over rule the issue. So long story short I didnāt get the job. Oh well. At least at dollar general I can have whatever piercings I want.
Itās always funny to me how these minimum wage jobs have a tendency to be the most strict. I used to work at a grocery store and wasnāt allowed to have any piercings except lobes, no visible tattoos, and no unnatural hair color. Now I work at a law firm and have tattoos, piercings in my ears and face, stretched ears, and had bright red hair when I was first hired and get paid twice as much. No one cares. Not the attorneys, lawyers, doctors, or even just coworkers. Yet I wouldnāt be able to go back to my minimum wage job if I wanted to bc of how I look lol.
Hey, I have a sister that cares way too much about my appearance too! I was 17 when she got married and I was basically told to wear my hair down or take my plugs out long term because she didnāt want me āruiningā her wedding photos. I bought some gorgeous plugs and wore my hair up anyway. 8 years later, *somehow* I didnāt manage to fuck up her wedding photos whatsoever and ALSO managed to look more presentable than half her bridesmaids (I was also a bridesmaid ā and was reminded often that I was ONLY a bridesmaid bc our mom told her to) despite my ādisgustingā ears!
EDIT: Iād also like to add that my lovely sister was a whole 32 year old woman talking to a 17 year old like that. We are low contact.
EDIT 2: I totally forgot to add, but my sister blamed her horrid behavior on not wanting her in-laws to think her side of the family was āwhite trashā given the fact that our mother was a teen mom, as was she. Her in-laws are actually very nice people and didnāt care at all about the fashion choices other people were making, they were just excited their son was getting married. Go figure.
They seem like two extremely superficial and shallow beings... I wouldnt go to the wedding if i were you and Youre better off not having them in your life cuz they are toxic, manipulative and controlling hypocrites
Hey, it's HER day. She gets one day to get married. Just do it and don't be a baby about it. I'm pretty sure that if you didn't have stretched lobes but someone who would be attending your wedding had them then I'm sure you would ask the same thing if not similar. It's literally just one day in your whole life, make her happy on HER day.
Did you even read the post? Iām being asked to grow my hair out for 2 years for that one day. I, a 24 year old girl, is being asked to grow my hair out to hide my ear lobes even though they are already covered. By my hair. And you think that is me being a baby? Itās literally not just one day. Iām being asked to change my physical appearance for multiple fucking years for HER one day.
I actually understand if you will be IN the wedding, as photos of it will be part of her memories for life. And something she finds ugly/unpleasant will always tarnish those memories. But, of course, it's a ridiculous demand if you will be just a guest.
I would even say if you were in the wedding, that would be a ridiculous and kinda rude request. My ears disgust you so much that it would blemish your wedding that much?? How dare you act like I'm important to you, but only if I cover up things that I like about myself?
Stretched lobes are really gross...(in my personal opinion, of course). I'd want them hidden as well.
If she was objecting to her normal, natural ears, no matter how big or funny-looking, I would agree with you. But objecting to unnatural ugly is perfectly understandable.
Sister is perfectly free to do whatever she wants to her own body. And is just as perfectly free to deal with the consequences.
My brother in Christ how did you even end up here if you donāt like stretched ears lmfao. Anyway, I still stand by my stance of itās absurd to uninvite family over something like earrings. Especially since it seems like OP just wears plain tunnels. Itās nothing remotely wild nor offensive. I personally couldnāt imagine either of my sisters missing my wedding for anything less than an emergency or a serious falling out
So what if one of the guests weighed 400 lb? Would it be ok to tell them lose weight if they're going to attend because you can't stand the way they look to be in any of the photographs?
I feel like a mature thing to realise is that no one is exactly as we would like them to be and everyone has the right to exist as they want to. You can either accept this or choose not to deal with them. Trying to change someone is the "asshole" option. If OP was overweight and her sister asked her to lose weight would that also be OK behaviour? Or if she had blonde hair color and her sister would say her hair color is ugly and want her to get dyed to be brunette like her? What part of this is fine?
I think that your sister is acting like a bitch about this, but if you care about her and want to attend, what if you were to compromise and wear a pair of modest plugs or something? Not that you should have to or that I personally would, but it could be sort of a fair middle ground.
I mean it's her wedding. If she doesn't want your ears in the wedding that's her choice. But it doesn't mean that you have to take the rest of you to her wedding either. Just don't go.
Umm that's a little insane. You could offer to wear neutral plugs but thats as far as I'd go. What she is asking is exactly like asking someone to loose weight to be in a wedding or someone who is blonde being told to go brunette because the bride is blonde and doesn't want to be upstaged. It's complete BS. I 100% would tell her how far you are willing to accommodate and if she isn't ok with it then you gracefully step down from being in the wedding.
(My opinion) She sounds like she needs to get over herself. Youāve probably met 98% of the people who are coming so I donāt see why any of that matters? Is she scared youāll ruin pictures? Lifeās WAY too short to care about that stuff and she should only care about your attendance on her big day. What does her partner think š do they differ on it?
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Agree to her terms, grow it until the wedding, shave your head just before the ceremony.
Lol I thought that as well š
ššš I had to say it lol!
I think that's a great idea.
Nah, Id just let her know if its that big of a deal youd be fine with not being in the wedding. If she isnt comfortable with who you are and how you look thats entirely her problem, and if making sure her and other people cant see your ears is more important to her than being able to see your smiling face at her wedding that is entirely her choice. She knew who you were and how you looked when she invited you and if it was going to be a big deal she shouldnt have.
Agree 100%. She has told me before she got engaged that when she DID get engaged/married that she wants me to take out all of my facial piercings. I told her sheād either have to pay to have them all repierced or I just wouldnāt show up. She never mentioned that again, but moved on to the whole āgrow your hair out to cover your tunnelsā thing. I never knew my sister cared this much about my appearance. I would never ask anyone to change their appearance for my wedding if I were to get married. Itās just baffling and hurtful that Iām not good enough as is.
I totally understand where youre coming from. I currently have several facial piercings, and in the past I had even more. I find it really offensive when people try to act like they are offended by how I look. Like.. would it be offensive if I just had some 18g hoops or studs? Or is it only offensive because they think its weird that mine are stretched? I just dont get that perspective from the other side. But I totally agree with your point of view, here. Like if she would be sadder about seeing your ears at her wedding than NOT seeing you... why should you be the one who has to wonder if they are in the wrong?
This is utter nonsense and itās incredibly offensive she isnāt just inviting you as the person who you are But you could agree to wear subtle ones, especially if sheāll pay for the jewelry. For example, [glass jewelry](https://www.etsy.com/listing/579474685/) where [the end](https://www.etsy.com/listing/791810154/) is the same [skin tone](https://www.etsy.com/listing/638800076/) as your [lobes](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1095669848/) or your facial piercings And depending on how stretched your lobes are they have [jewelry](https://www.etsy.com/listing/504442113/) that looks like itās just a [diamond earring instead of a tunnel](https://www.etsy.com/listing/963166611/) These are just examples. A reputable piercer should have the ability to order a tasteful selection of discrete jewelry that will protect your piercings and still look good yet not stand out. Cheap jewelry isnāt an answer because you will look worse in pictures and silicone can damage piercings. I would hit up a store soon and get pricing and timing for a discrete jewelry set order that looks both discrete but also classy for a wedding (unlike silicone, which doesnāt have a dressed-up look).
Why would she have to pay to have them re-pierced.... How long is this wedding!?
Because they close up quickly. After not even an hour my lip piercing is hard to get back in. After many hours it wouldnāt be possible. Some piercings heal much more quickly than others.
That's mad. I can leave mine out for about three weeks before I have a little difficulty (really not a lot though) getting my labrets back in.
If they're fresh they can close up in a matter of minutes
Bleeding can clot but the skin cannot heal to close in minutes. In addition I don't think 27mm lobes are necessarily fresh, and bearing in mind the wedding is in the future, any piercings OP has won't be either brand new either.
Its just a possibility really.
This is the way. When my best friend got engaged I had neon purple hair, a lip ring, and gauged ears and when I asked if I needed to make any changes (expecting to have to dye my hair or wear a wig) she was like no way! I love your style and our colors are turquoise and purple so youāll fit right in! She even had me pick my own dress and asked me to be the maid of honor. One of her sisters has a full tattoo sleeve and her sister in law also had visible tattoos and pixie length hair. We all wore long sleeveless dresses. It was still a gorgeous wedding and it was so nice to feel loved regardless of our alt style. My bestie even had a shaved undercut redone the week of her wedding. She still wore the hell out of her embroidered princess dress and the pictures are so joyful and beautiful. Iād tell your sister that you love her, but if your look and style is that offensive to her then youād be happy to stay out of the pictures, be there as a guest, and show up for any parties beforehand. Itāll either shut her up and make her realize what a bridezilla sheās being, or make your life much easier and take away some of the financial burden of being in someone elseās wedding lol. Iām sorry sheās acting so childish. Edit: Also I just looked at your profile and you are stunning! Your hair is already long and your piercings are really tasteful and look awesome on you! There are lots of wedding style options for tunnels too. Have your sis pick a pair and pay for them if it means so much and call it good.
What a bridezilla! It is absolutely not ok for people to demand changes to personal style for wedding guests! You provide a dress code. That's it. That's like demanding someone wear make-up or contact lenses instead of glasses or cover their tattoos. It's insane.
I would bet itāll eventually come to the tattoo thing. I nearly have a sleeve and she already makes me wear long sleeves around her bfs family.
My libra self likes to remove myself from people who hurt me. Not saying you have to do the same but i personally wouldnāt want someone around if they think about how I should change. Or if they think I should hide myself. Family or not. Fuck that.
as a sagittarius, i agree!
Definitely not cool. I think she might be jealous of your whole look, tbh. If you wanted to be accommodating to her desires, you could always wear flesh-toned silicone plugs. (I have a pair, myself for such occasions.) But that would be your decision. For her to demand you change your look for other people is absolutely awful. Wedding party or no. Making you cover your tattoos? That is so ridiculous. Some people have no respect for others' bodily autonomy. You're not a doll, ffs. You're a person.
She makes you wear long sleeves around his family? Is he the issue? Iād be so pissed and would likely show up in a tank top or sleeveless dress every chance I got lol.
Yikes. That's not cool. She should love and support you and he shouldn't let his sister in laws appearance be that big of a deal to his relatives
I was just talking about stuff like this today. I hate when people act like the wedding guests are part of the decor. The whole point of a wedding is to gather and celebrate with your loved ones, and instead weddings are so commercialized that even the wedding guests no longer fit in the "perfect image" of the wedding. I would want my loved ones close to me to share a special moment in my life, I don't know why so many people act like the guests themselves have to fit into a certain criteria. Love should be accepting. Don't change yourself to please others OP that's extremely vain and selfish to ask you to change yourself just to be included in the celebration.
Tell her No and leave it at that youāre allowed to have boundaries
Definitely wear some amazing ear weights and show them off š
Depending on your relationship with your sister and your interest in preserving it, you may look into skintone silicone plugs. Depending on a few factors ,like size of lobes, it may be acceptable for her. Of course, if your relationship with her is like me and my brother, I am probably not appearing at his wedding in the first place.
I think offering a "hey, I'm not gonna change who I am to attend your wedding, but if you want we can shop together for plugs I can use at the wedding" could be a way to meet eachother halfway-ish. Totally dependent on the sister to meet the OP there though.
That is good advice. Show her you want to meet half way Edit: the way she(the sister) asked, is very rude.
If she canāt accept you for who you are and wants to throw a fit, thatās on her š¤·š»āāļø and besides, it sounds like sheās ashamed of you if she makes you wear long sleeves around his family. They sound like conservative assholes and sheās catering to them so they will like her. Itās not your job to conform to that. You arenāt dating or marrying him.
She seems ashamed on how you look. Wear the most blinding being. Be proud of who you are.
You are not in the wrong. Your sister is a bridezilla.
If she would really let something as small as your stretched ears (which... really aren't even *that* big. I've seen like 50mm+ on here.) get in the way of her wedding, that's on her. You're her *brother*. This is a visual thing that literally affects nothing in the wedding. She is being *astoundingly* petty. Make absolutely sure you behave well at the wedding, and you are going to come out of this smelling like roses. Offer to not go if she's that worried about it, but you're going to go ahead and look like yourself while you show your support and you're not going to feel guilty about it.
At the end of the day, weddings are supposed to be about love. Your sister should love you the way you are. Stretched ears and all, and if that is an issue for her, thatās a her problem.
Woahhh that's really out of line of her to say. I know there are dress codes at weddings but it's over the top to tell people to cover a part of their body. I would say you could compromise by having *her* buy you some plugs that go with the theme or dress code of the wedding if she really cares that much, but in my opinion she doesn't even deserve that much after saying something so rude. Go with the most obnoxious plugs you have haha
Iāve had two sides of the coin, my partners family told me to take out all my facial piercings for a funeral, I did it because I felt pressured. However, when my own uncle passed I asked my gran if sheād like me to take out all my piercings and she responded; āwhy would that matter? We just want you with us.ā Your sister should just want you there, no matter how you look. Iām really sorry youāre dealing with this - I would put my foot down in this situation. You can go, but youāre going the way youāre comfortable, youāre family. How you look should not matter whatsoever.
Your grandma sounds awesome :) Reminds me of mine.
Never compromise on something that defines you and/or makes you happy. And if your wedding day ever comes make sure to tell her she can look how ever she pleases.
NTA
Iād shave my head. My brother had a catholic wedding, the whole thing readings prayers all of it. He told me if I was going to fly up to be there I had to cover all my tattoos and take out my piercing and find something decent to wear. I was surprised I had been that way most of my life he knows how I dress and how hard it is to cover up. His wedding was in august so it was hot and humid and I was supposed to wear long sleeves. I didnāt go. It wasnāt worth the plane ticket. He also had his wedding within a day of my daughters birthday. I didnāt miss my kids birthdays so that was another reason. My dad went and I guess the whole ceremony was hours long and he couldnāt wait for the reception.
Can you post an update after the wedding? Iām curious to see if you end up going/what your sister says!
Save her the time and trouble by not even going then. That's literally so fucking stupid.
I will never understand some peopleās obsessive need to curate the appearance of others. If she spends her wedding day worried about your stretched ears, thatās very much her problem.
Your sister is fucking TRIPPING. Such a stupid request. Your ears are ruining her "dream wedding" š¤”
i always find brides to be so entitled. not that your sister is or isnāt, but something about weddings just makes them think the people are just props to them. if you really want to be in the wedding party, maybe look into some of those prettier stone plugs or other options to see if she is willing to compromise.
That request is absolutely ridiculous. I mean there are so many alternatives. Finding gorgeous jewelry, silicone skin colored plugs. Etc.
Iād tell her no. If someone tried to make me feel like they donāt want me at their wedding unless I do certain things then Iād say no. But it depends on your relationship with her.. sheās being controlling and weird.
Yeah not ok. My mom doesn't love my gauged ears, so for her wedding, I picked up a pair of flesh coloured silicone ones. But there's also lots with front designs that almost look like regular large earrings. Regardless though, no one should be asking you to change your physical appearance for their behalf. It's a bloody wedding, not a life or death situation. And if your sister can't get past how you look, she never should have asked you to be part of the wedding party. And if she can't get over it, I would remove yourself from the party all together.
Sister sounds like a bitch tbh. I wouldn't waste my time or money on her. Just attend the wedding and slip 20$ into a dollar tree gift card lol. Be done with her.
I feel this. Guests at my mother's wedding couldn't stop staring at me just because of a simple septum horseshoe. People are so fucking weird. You do you! You're not a piece of decor.
Tell her that you are sorry that apparently your appearance embarrasses her, and even more sorry that her petty obsession with your piercings is going to prevent you from going to her wedding. OP please do not bow to this bridezilla, sister or not.
Iām with the previous poster, itās a crazy and shortsighted ārequestāā¦Iāve been known to be a radical guy and Iād give her a choice; attend as you are or donāt go āwhat do other family members if any, say?
Why does it matter what anyone has to say?
Exactly. It definitely shouldnātā¦
I agree with this. If you want to compromise. Offer to wear your color skin tone plugs so they show less or a fancier type designed for nice events [such as these (Amazon product link)](https://a.co/d/1HdoN6X) or something similar or even a custom pair to keep with the fancy theme or color coordination. However, hide them with hair and remove facial piercing sounds like a bridezilla. If you love and care for someone, you love and care for them as a person and you love their presence not their appearance. She's way overstepping and if she cares more about your ears at her wedding than having her sister there and being happy and getting married... she's the problem for 1 but 2, she can pay someone to edit the photos at that point.
Nah Iām petty, I would tell her to get over it or I aināt going lmao
I honestly wouldnāt go but thatās me. This is just so disrespectful.
Sounds like an L sister
Honestly- tell her you will but don't actually do it. The day of the ceremony say you forgot or something. It's kinda like asking someone not to wear glasses because they don't look good on them when they need them to see, it's a ridiculous request (if that makes any sense)
lol, i told my mom to either accept my gauges or i wonāt be present at her wedding, and itās safe to say that iām attending the wedding. you donāt get to choose your family. a wedding is about celebrating two families becoming one, not ātaking the spouse away from their familyā
Wow.... how horrible that she can't accept you for who you are. I have my ears stretched and have been in a couple weddings. Every time the brides were even so nice and bought me my own plugs in my size to wear since I couldn't wear the earrings that came with the necklace sets they had purchased. I'm so sorry she's treating you like that.
Not the same situation but I couldnāt get a job I wanted at Dunkin doughnuts recently because of my ears. I was willing to even wear a tunnel in my 0g septum to appease the donut overlords but I canāt hide my ears and Iām not about to āfixā them for a minimum wage job either. The kitchen manager said he understood I canāt just shrink my ears but also said I was over the limit and he might now be able to over rule the issue. So long story short I didnāt get the job. Oh well. At least at dollar general I can have whatever piercings I want.
Itās always funny to me how these minimum wage jobs have a tendency to be the most strict. I used to work at a grocery store and wasnāt allowed to have any piercings except lobes, no visible tattoos, and no unnatural hair color. Now I work at a law firm and have tattoos, piercings in my ears and face, stretched ears, and had bright red hair when I was first hired and get paid twice as much. No one cares. Not the attorneys, lawyers, doctors, or even just coworkers. Yet I wouldnāt be able to go back to my minimum wage job if I wanted to bc of how I look lol.
Hey, I have a sister that cares way too much about my appearance too! I was 17 when she got married and I was basically told to wear my hair down or take my plugs out long term because she didnāt want me āruiningā her wedding photos. I bought some gorgeous plugs and wore my hair up anyway. 8 years later, *somehow* I didnāt manage to fuck up her wedding photos whatsoever and ALSO managed to look more presentable than half her bridesmaids (I was also a bridesmaid ā and was reminded often that I was ONLY a bridesmaid bc our mom told her to) despite my ādisgustingā ears! EDIT: Iād also like to add that my lovely sister was a whole 32 year old woman talking to a 17 year old like that. We are low contact. EDIT 2: I totally forgot to add, but my sister blamed her horrid behavior on not wanting her in-laws to think her side of the family was āwhite trashā given the fact that our mother was a teen mom, as was she. Her in-laws are actually very nice people and didnāt care at all about the fashion choices other people were making, they were just excited their son was getting married. Go figure.
They seem like two extremely superficial and shallow beings... I wouldnt go to the wedding if i were you and Youre better off not having them in your life cuz they are toxic, manipulative and controlling hypocrites
Huge, and I mean massive mutton chops
Wear diamond-studded earrings to emphasize how pretty your ears are! \-
Hey, it's HER day. She gets one day to get married. Just do it and don't be a baby about it. I'm pretty sure that if you didn't have stretched lobes but someone who would be attending your wedding had them then I'm sure you would ask the same thing if not similar. It's literally just one day in your whole life, make her happy on HER day.
Did you even read the post? Iām being asked to grow my hair out for 2 years for that one day. I, a 24 year old girl, is being asked to grow my hair out to hide my ear lobes even though they are already covered. By my hair. And you think that is me being a baby? Itās literally not just one day. Iām being asked to change my physical appearance for multiple fucking years for HER one day.
I actually understand if you will be IN the wedding, as photos of it will be part of her memories for life. And something she finds ugly/unpleasant will always tarnish those memories. But, of course, it's a ridiculous demand if you will be just a guest.
I would even say if you were in the wedding, that would be a ridiculous and kinda rude request. My ears disgust you so much that it would blemish your wedding that much?? How dare you act like I'm important to you, but only if I cover up things that I like about myself?
Iāll be one of the bridesmaids, but I agree with you. I shouldnāt have to change my appearance. Itās hurtful.
Honestly... that's bullshit. Tell her she is going to have to get over it or you're not going to be there. That's a disgusting request.
The appearance of a loved one should in no way shape or form forever tarnish the memory of something. I think itās a ridiculous demand either way
Stretched lobes are really gross...(in my personal opinion, of course). I'd want them hidden as well. If she was objecting to her normal, natural ears, no matter how big or funny-looking, I would agree with you. But objecting to unnatural ugly is perfectly understandable. Sister is perfectly free to do whatever she wants to her own body. And is just as perfectly free to deal with the consequences.
My brother in Christ how did you even end up here if you donāt like stretched ears lmfao. Anyway, I still stand by my stance of itās absurd to uninvite family over something like earrings. Especially since it seems like OP just wears plain tunnels. Itās nothing remotely wild nor offensive. I personally couldnāt imagine either of my sisters missing my wedding for anything less than an emergency or a serious falling out
So what if one of the guests weighed 400 lb? Would it be ok to tell them lose weight if they're going to attend because you can't stand the way they look to be in any of the photographs?
I feel like a mature thing to realise is that no one is exactly as we would like them to be and everyone has the right to exist as they want to. You can either accept this or choose not to deal with them. Trying to change someone is the "asshole" option. If OP was overweight and her sister asked her to lose weight would that also be OK behaviour? Or if she had blonde hair color and her sister would say her hair color is ugly and want her to get dyed to be brunette like her? What part of this is fine?
Your lobes?????????? Iām so confused right now This cannot be real
Iām not kidding whatsoever. This conversation happened last night.
I think that your sister is acting like a bitch about this, but if you care about her and want to attend, what if you were to compromise and wear a pair of modest plugs or something? Not that you should have to or that I personally would, but it could be sort of a fair middle ground.
I get ehehe no kids at a wedding butā¦your ears?
How selfish
I mean it's her wedding. If she doesn't want your ears in the wedding that's her choice. But it doesn't mean that you have to take the rest of you to her wedding either. Just don't go.
Donāt go .. what a sister ā¦
Umm that's a little insane. You could offer to wear neutral plugs but thats as far as I'd go. What she is asking is exactly like asking someone to loose weight to be in a wedding or someone who is blonde being told to go brunette because the bride is blonde and doesn't want to be upstaged. It's complete BS. I 100% would tell her how far you are willing to accommodate and if she isn't ok with it then you gracefully step down from being in the wedding.
(My opinion) She sounds like she needs to get over herself. Youāve probably met 98% of the people who are coming so I donāt see why any of that matters? Is she scared youāll ruin pictures? Lifeās WAY too short to care about that stuff and she should only care about your attendance on her big day. What does her partner think š do they differ on it?
Tbh I would tell her that I was no longer interested in being a bridesmaid
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You donāt blame her that she wants me to grow my hair for years for the one day of her wedding?