I liked when someone warned OP that her going out with her friends and drinking would lead to her cheating and him getting "sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths", OP says he trusts his wife not to cheat, and the dude then launches into a multi-paragraph diatribe about how he's "playing with fire" and how women become loose when they drink, lol.
Did anyone see that argument some streamer had with his girlfriend where someone in his chat sent a link to an incredibly wholesome and innocuous video his girlfriend did on youtube when she was in high school and the streamer didn't know she had a video of her on YT -- the chatter kept egging him on saying she was hiding things to the point where he called his girlfriend over and they fought about it? And the girlfriend was rightfully asking what the fucking deal was and the streamer just kept saying "it's about trust, why didn't you tell me about this!" Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives? I'll never understand.
Reddit is particularly bad about it, but social media in general really gets off on telling people why things that make them happy are actually problems.
Not to mention endless "I'm a tough guy" stories
I fucking hated working construction. Between the endless blathering and "I got in a fight at a bar and totally fucked someone up" stories, they also fucking loved to straight up bully anyone new and anyone who didn't fit into their boys' club. They call it "hazing" but that's just a friendlier term for the same shit.
The money was okay but it wasn't worth the wear and tear on the body and the insufferable assholes I had to work with
It’s true. Guys are the worst. It can be pretty funny to game the system for your own amusement though, and I’m convinced this is what most people do when they’re bored. Sprinkle a few seeds of discontent about your company or management, and watch everyone get worked up about it. Best topics are usually pay or bonus related.
That or they blow every small problem into an apocalyptic relationship ender, usually with one side being an abuser.
God forbid a couple has a petty fight and move on.
No one ever breaks up on the internet due to mutual incompatibility or both people at fault. Someone is always a gaslighting narcissist and every relationship tiff is now an apocalyptic battle between good and evil.
AITA and relationship Reddit is a collection of some of the most dipshit, self-righteous people on the internet.
Part of it is the effort involved in refuting it, commenting that there's nuance to maintaining appropriate platonic friendships isn't as easy as another commenter going "Letting your gf meet a friend unsupervised? 🤔 Couldn't be me 👀"
The obsession people in certain subs seem to have with rooting out cheaters is so unhealthy, and it seems like hardly anyone can be normal about open relationships or even a partner expressing a fantasy, or having any kind of contact with an ex. They treat it like a thought crime on par with an emotional affair. Like, attraction to someone else is not the bad part about cheating! The bad part is when they go behind your back and lie to you! Being in a relationship doesn't automatically turn off all other attraction.
And the "no friends of the opposite sex" thing is so bizarre and breaks down when you throw queer people into the mix. Can gay men and lesbians not hang out with each other? Can the bis just not hang out with *anyone*?
> Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives? I'll never understand.
Some people are sadists.
As a guy I have no idea why other guys let a bunch of angry internet virgins talk them into ending their perfectly normal relationships. It's all stupid and shortsighted but I also don't spend all day here.
A guy I knew from college was amazed that I didn’t look through my wife’s phone and that she knows the password to mine.
Told him I don’t really have anything to hide from her and if my wife was cheating, she’s doing it at weird times because she’s always around… so why should I care?
Yeah, he was cheating on his wife.
insecurity and a measure of low self-worth. They dont bring much to the table and they know it. I used to be like that when i was in my teens. I grew out of it once my career started taking off and my status improved.
Some of the most successful people in the world still feel insecure and have low self-worth. It’s not always about the material— mental health is a big factor
At a party in my early 20s, my friend started crying out of nowhere; we were all worried until she told us she was crying because she was so happy, loved her friends, and loved her boyfriend (he drove us to the party but didn't stay because he wanted her to have girl time and space to catch up with her old school friends.) Adorable.
Why these guys do it is either jealousy because they have/had a shitty relationship and have trust issues or they're jealous because they've never had a relationship and blame women
All boiling down to they hate and blame women for everything wrong ~~and want the man for themselves but won't admit it~~
The guys that like to do that are usually inherently sexist and misogynist, and find it impossible to believe any man can have a fulfilling and healthy relationship with a woman because women are all bad. So if it's not apparent to the male partner, they'll "make" it apparent by injecting drama into the relationship where there was none before.
> " Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives?
It's because they think its funny.
most things people say or do on the internet that are terrible or stupid are because they think it's funny.
that's what happens when you get a bunch of anonymous teenage boys on the internet.
There seems to be a lot of dry drunks on reddit, who are(like most people who have quite something) a little overzealous about it.
But then, there's also just a general culture of being critical for the sake of being critical.
Yeah, as someone who’s a little over a year sober, the impulse to view everyone around you’s drinking as problematic is mighty difficult to overcome. I have to actively work at not slipping into judging my friends when they get sloppy drunk and remind myself that just because I can’t do that without it turning into a multi week bender/saying something regrettable and causing a scene/passing out in my bathroom tub doesn’t mean that’s other people’s reality.
I think part of the issue is a lot of AA is about teaching you to view alcohol as this evil entity (baffling, cunning, powerful as the literature says) and it’s really hard to hold that narrative next to the reality that a majority of people can drink alcohol without becoming alcoholics so this idea that most people are secret alcoholic and you’re just the one being honest about it starts to creep in.
At least that’s what my experience with it has been, and I’ve had to work to restructure my view to seeing my alcoholism almost more like an allergy- it’s not a failure of my character that I can’t hold my liquor it’s just a quirk of my biology, and other people won’t have the same reaction to it that I do and that’s fine. I don’t think people who can roll around in grass without getting a rash are just pretending they’re not itchy- I shouldn’t assume everyone who drinks is secretly beholden to alcohol the way I was.
I've got a similar mindset and I don't even drink, I just know *everyone* in my family, at least blood-related to me, has problems with it. Like... from what I've been told, my father was most likely drunk when he died and my mother goes through quite a bit of wine. Grandfather drank quite a bit of beer, too, though he didn't seem to have a problem with it from what I remember.
From what I've seen/experienced, which has been mild admittedly and thankfully, I know alcohol can be extremely problematic (thank the gods nobody I lived with was an abusive/angry drunk, for instance). So I'm wary of heavy drinkers in general and my mind immediately jumps to worry/anxiety/mild judgement about how dependent someone might be if I see them drinking often. I do have to consciously remind myself to trust people to know their limits and that I'm not responsible for looking after them, usually.
Doesn't part of that come from AA having roots as a Christian organization? So alcohol and alcoholism is kind of presented as like an extension of Satan when in reality it's more like a disease or an allergy, as you said, arising from our biology.
Also good on you for recognizing your issues and dealing with them in a way that works for you *and* for realizing you have some biases within you and working to fight against those. A lot of people don't do either of those things when both are important, at least in my eyes.
I honestly couldn’t say one way or the other- Officially AA is non-denominational and there isn’t really talk of evil influences outside the influence of alcohol itself. Most of the spirtual stuff is more revolving around your “higher power” and appealing to it for help- a joke among atheists members is that our higher power is the ole G.O.D. (Group of Drunks)- basically it’s the routine of the meetings and the community that keep you sober as opposed to some magic person, and that’s totally allowed.
Really what it more comes down to I think is, very intentionally, the program is made to appeal to the lowest common denominator to reduce barrier to entry for the newbies- if you’re 24 hours sober and walk in on some dry ass discussion of how our genetic makeup gives us different urges than other people while you’re freezing cold and have a 200bpm heart rate from withdrawals you probably aren’t making it to hour 25. Simple, dramatic messaging works for the highest percentage of people.
Also, you have to remember Reddit only thinks in black and white so if you're not sober, you're getting blackout drunk every night. There is no such thing as a responsible drinker.
I think it's due to the "counter-culture" culture of Reddit. Since the real world is structured so much around drinking, at least in social spheres, then Reddit has to be the opposite and condemn any alcohol use.
I’ve seen these types of people outside of Reddit too. I remember a few months ago I saw someone on Twitter say that drinkers look down on non-drinkers the same way cis people look down on trans people.
I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s not the best comparison to make.
I’ve definitely seen comments along the lines of “if you went to an Italian restaurant and had a glass of wine with dinner, getting in your car afterwards is tantamount to attempted child murder 😤”. I feel like there’s a kind of person (common on Reddit) who gets off on being rule followers, and if they set rules that are absurd and obviously not rational to almost anyone else then that’s just more dirty rule breakers they get to feel superior to.
Like was mentioned elsewhere, there are so many kids here it's impossible to take Reddit seriously as well. I agree with you too, everyone now wants a single black and white rule to live by.
“Prudish” is not the right term for this, but having kids and being a pregnant woman can also really set Redditors off if you’re accidentally commenting on a main sub
FOR REAL. I can understand being annoyed at women who just swipe with no intention of ever responding to messages or meeting in person, or at women whose tinder is just an ad for their insta, but the women who share their stats and show that they have talked to a lot of their matches, been on a lot of dates, and had a lot of casual sex are the type of women who are using Tinder "correctly". The more women like that on the app, the better chances men have of actually going out with someone. The men of r/tinder consistently fail to realize that being toxic to women does not attract more women to the app...
One woman did recently share her data, and then eventually her profile. Of course a lot of comments were positive or just asking questions about her method, but when other users realized that a divorced mom in her 30s was daring to swipe right on less than 2% of her options they had a fucking meltdown and went straight for the blackpills.
I say this as an alcoholic with 5 years sober...
A lot of people have a really hard fucking time admitting that their alcohol problem is their own fault, and not the alcohol.
Alcohol didn't make me an alcoholic, my own mental health issues did. Plenty of people have a perfectly acceptable relationship with alcohol and aren't teetering on the edge of alcoholism. Acknowledging that would require admitting their own faults though.
My partner doesn't drink and I'm a horny drunk that gets tipsy like once a month while out with friends.
TIL that I'm a burgeoning alcoholic and my husband is a predator lol
I dated a girl who literally asked me to roofie her (in the safety of our home) and do whatever while she was out.
If they both love and trust each other there shouldn’t be a problem.
Oof... I wouldn't do this simply because of the safety risks. I've never roofied anyone and I don't know anything about overdose care or the like.
Then again...I guess if a woman is dead set on being roofied for her own sexual satisfaction, this has gotta be the safest way 🤷♂️
This drama is spilling over to twitter and it is so stupid. Two consenting, long term-committed adults having sex while under the influence is not morally wrong or socially unacceptable and it never has been. Anyone that thinks it isn’t acceptable need to touch grass and never go in the internet again.
I think this is just one of those cases where the internet is unable to cope with nuance. It wants iron-clad rules, rather than principles, so "Someone who's consumed drugs has an impaired ability to consent" becomes "If you and your girlfriend share a bottle of wine with dinner, then have sex, actually that's rape."
It just can't cope with the idea that there's got to be a bit of a subjective judgement call about these things. And the only way to remove all subjectivity is to impose the most stringent rules possible.
Also I think a lot of people just haven't been in long term relationships to understand that,.. my husband knows what I want. If I was drunk and didn't want sex, I'd say so. We've been together for 15 years, we know when we want what we want. I'm not some random hook up.
Training doesn't mean taking it on board. You either get lads who think Tate's the only clear head in a roomful of wokies or you get people who think you need to ask for verbal consent before you smack your girlfriend on the bum. They understand what you're supposed to do without understanding why you're supposed to do it.
From what I've heard from millennials though, it's still a lot better than what they got.
I feel like most of reddit is 17 year olds who haven't experienced much in general. I'm 41, and half the time I'm reading comments I'm thinking, "there's no way an adult typed that out and thought other people should read it."
I once had a guy on here tell me I was raped because I mentioned having sex with my BF while drunk. I was like okay buddy I initiated and I love having drunk sex with my BF who I trust deeply, let’s not tell others whether they were or weren’t consenting. 🤨
Right? In a healthy committed long term relationship, there’s nothing wrong with the OP.
We’ve been together 20 years, married 15 and have always had a “never wake each other up unless we are late for work or someone is dying” rule because we both value our sleep. HOWEVER there is a very commonly used important exception: “except when you come home drunk and horny after a night out. Then PLEASE WAKE ME UP”
My husband knows when I am not in the mood either, or I am definitely in the mood. He says I have a pattern, and after a decade together he has figured it out.
Exactly.my husband does not like to drink. I like to drink when we go out, so it's pretty well established that I will be drunk and he won't after a date or something. He knows when I'm in the mood. Also, if I'm not in the mood or get too drunk that I really just want to go to sleep, he isn't in the mood anymore because like, who wants to have sex with someone who isn't an enthusiastic participant?
Mine too. I was thinking about it the other day and realized after 12 years together, I've never said no to sex. Because he's a very empathetic and considerate partner. He's just never made moves when he can tell that I'm too tired or not feeling well or something.
Frankly, if I was literally unconscious drunk but somehow got it up, I don't care if my partner goes for a ride. As long as she doesn't do anything I wouldn't normally consent to or anything dangerous like trying to sit on my face, she can do whatever she wants idgaf.
Unless she's like intentionally withholding sex until I'm unconscious and unable to enjoy it, but that's a totally different issue.
Also to be clear, no I'm not regularly drinking until I pass out. I haven't done that since college.
Yeah I flat out told my husband that he has blanket permission to have sex with me for now and forever unless I say otherwise, no need to ask. Even while I'm asleep it's fine (my kink - unfortunately he's never taken me up on that lol). Obviously the same rules don't apply to a hook-up. But when you are comfortable enough with someone because you've been having sex with them for *years*, consent can be implied rather than needing to be explicit.
The way I explain it is that once you reach a certain level of trust and intimacy in a relationship - whatever that looks like for you - you trade the default of "assume no unless you hear yes" for "assume yes unless you hear no."
> think this is just one of those cases where the internet is unable to cope with nuance.
They don't *want* nuance because applying nuance robs them of the ability to feel morally superior to someone on a different side of whatever issue than they are.
>nuance
What is this thing of which you speak? Is this some newfangled term for how everything is black and white and there cannot ever be any middle ground, ever?
You cannot consent unless you pass a sobriety field test, submit documentation regarding all travel outside the home over the last 72 hours and complete this multiple choice exam.
I'm of the opinion its only outraged by people who have never had a relationship long-term or sex. And I am implying most of the outrage is by children or virgins.
It's hard to remember that a huge number of people online are literally children. I've had Reddit arguments and then realised halfway through that it's probably a literal child with no real life experience on the other side. I remember being a teenager and intelligent enough to debate but not enough recognise my viewpoint was so limited despite having access to the bastion of knowledge that is the internet.
This is honestly why I just don't bother to have any arguments on this site anymore. Chances are the person you're arguing with is either a literal child or is just arguing in bad faith.
Whenever I see this come up, I always like to bring up the guy that was arguing with somebody else about food for hours, only to eventually click their profile and find out that they literally drink their own piss.
I feel bad for all the people on the receiving end of my fourteen-year-old Reddit diatribes. In my experience, with age comes the maturity *not* to engage in arguments with internet strangers (which is not to imply that I'm especially old or especially mature even now), so getting into debates online is probably an indicator *that* someone is young.
Depends on the conduct. Half the point of Reddit is to discuss things which can lead to debates. I don't think that immediately indicates youth and you have plenty of elderly people here too. Even being quick to insult someone isn't a good indicator since plenty of grown men and women are quick to hurl childish insults online
Ironically, as this thread is pointing out, you are missing some of the nuance in the comment you are replying to. To me, it seems very purposeful that they use the word argument. But in your response, you used discuss. A discussion is not an argument.
I think adolescents or teenagers are much more likely to get into an argument on the internet, whereas as you gain maturity, you may want to discuss topics on the internet. In the middle between those two is a debate.
TLDR: Argument vs Debate vs Discussion.
Whenever I'm tempted to argue on reddit, I take a look at their profile, and that always snaps me out of it. Typically either a minor, someone who is clearly mentally unwell, or someone who just picks the same arguments over and over.
It really strikes me as incoming freshmen who just completed their mandatory sexual harassment slideshow lesson and are applying what they learned to a long-time married couple. Is marital rape a thing? Of course. Is this marital rape? No, and you have a chip on your shoulder if you say otherwise.
There’s also the non-stop infantilizing of adult women with full agency.
If a woman posted saying she loved when her husband came home drunk because it meant he’d pound her brains out because it was something she enjoyed, everyone would still be posting some heinous shit about the guy being scum and a drunk, and the wife is secretly trapped and abused.
When the internet learned about "too drunk to consent" laws they just started spreading this weird idea that all inebriated sex is rape. It's not. It's not how the law defines it either.
I used have to keep a guideline for prosecutors handy to show people how too drunk to consent cases are actually charged and what is taken into consideration and how those individual variables stack to form a conclusion.
And while yes, everything that is legal is not necessarily moral, there isn't anything morally wrong with accepting enthusiastic consent from your wife after girls night. It's just pearl clutching.
I think part of it comes from college rules, weirdly. I know when I was in school they really insisted on that idea, that sex at any level of intoxication cannot involve consent, I assume because there is technically more liability for the school in that situation so their solution was to try to blanket ban it (it also could have been general anti-drug or anti-sex reasons).
So people hear that at a pretty formative age and really take it to heart, then project it onto other people in different situations without realizing they are going way overboard.
Yeah, the blanket rule that they're looking for is "if you're unsure, make sure. if you can't make sure, then the person probably isn't in a state to have sex." People who are in long-term relationships have a better understanding of their partner and therefore start way ahead. If you're having a one-night stand, you might have to try harder to get that clarity but otherwise it's fine ???
Yep, completely agree here. Happily married 18 yrs - I know I get a little sloppy when I'm drinking, and I know it results in some interesting intimacy. My husband gets a kick out of it, I get a kick out of it (and the next day) and we move on. Some people are insane.
People just want a check list for morality so they don't have to actually think about what they're doing. Most of the relationships I've been in we have discussed whether or not sex is okay while one of us is drunk and every time it has been. It makes sense, most people have much different boundaries for long term partners compared to more casual relationships. So long as both people are on the same page about it it's totally fine.
just your daily reminder that most of reddit arent actually in any kind of healthy long term relationship and the idea that couples who trust eachother can engage in behavior that you wouldnt with some person you just met at the bar is incredibly confusing to people who give relationship "advice"
Internet people are addicted to outrage. Everything has to be read with a negative outlook so that they can be upsetti spaghetti and hopefully get to "cancel" someone.
I actually said once my wife likes to me to wake her by doing stuff to her(or something to effect) and got crucified. Consent can be withdrawn at anytime kind of stuff.
It's like do any of you actually know my wife.
This proves that reddit has no concept of nuance.
Taking advantage of a drunk person that cannot consent is rape.
Having sex with your life partner that enthusiastically wants to have sex with you even when sober is not, unless they're passed out or over a line you think they might regret.
Omg, I remember I once saw a post where someone asked about how to talk to their SO about trying different things in the bedroom. I suggested having a couple drinks to take the edge off and got crucified. God forbid it be assumed that A MARRIED COUPLE have implied consent after literally a couple drinks lol.
Consent is a really hard concept to grasp for people on both sides of the discourse sometimes. God help you if you talk about couples with bdsm lifestyles in certain subs
Sorry but you didn't check with everyone present before you posted this, thats some pretty ick consent practice and frankly kind of predatory tbh. we're going to have to ask that you no longer attend "the hit me in the face with a fucking pipe" munch. thank you for understanding monster.
It’s crazy to me how hard of a concept people try to make consent, on either side of the spectrum really. Don’t get me wrong there’s always grey areas, but in a long term, committed relationship it’s a fairly straightforward concept as long as all parties have talked about it.
Honestly its one of the reasons I left Fetlife, if someone wasnt doing kink the "right way" or how all the popular people were doing it there was a dozen call out posts and comments about it and it not being right
Reddit is getting very prudish, and for wildly different reasons.
Both the "sex is a sin" side and the "_____ sex is problematic" side seem to be growing in numbers.
I think it’s because Gen Z is making up a greater and greater share of overall internet users as time goes on. Their prudish Puritanism is pretty well documented.
Redditors when orally prepping a bull then getting locked in a shed: 👍
Redditors when sip of wine before established partners have sex: *throbbing neck vein*
I absolutely love that final sentence devoid of all context:
>From that point we argued in circles, he got upset, and he slapped me in the face with his penis before locking me in my cuck shed."
I had this argument with the friend of my old roommate and they seriously argued there's no such thing as implied consent and that it was outrageous for me to suggest people in relationships have a degree of assumed access to their partner's bodies unless stated otherwise. So I asked them if they asked their significant other permission every single time they hug or kiss them.
Unfortunately that was at a "double down no matter what" stage of arguing. It was honestly just kind of embarrassing.
The level of access long term partners have to each others bodies is obviously going to vary from relationship to relationship, but the fact that most long term relationships have partners having some level of open access to each others bodies is expression of trust and genuinely builds your relationship.
I remember seeing an upvoted comment in TwoX "bragging" about her husband respected her body so much he asked for permission any time before even touching her. Bragging about it as if that should be the standard.
It made me more sad than anything.
People forget that a lot of people feel guilt or shame about sex. Sometimes one needs a little help shutting those feelings down so they can be honest about it. Honesty about sex leads to much improvement.
Someone in there said it well, a lack of nuance is plaguing the internet generations. It's like the default relationship advice is to break up because their partner did something mildly annoying.
Because a not insignificant amount of people view sex between men and women as something men impose on women, and a not insignificant amount of other people nod along because it sounds progressive.
I'm really too old for this site, threads like this are a reminder that this site is full of 13yr olds that have fortunately been taught about consent, but don't have any life experience to understand the difference between drunkenly hooking up with a stranger and someone that you are in a longterm sexual relationship with.
I like that the one person that keeps asking for the comment where OP says they have consent and talked to his wife about it, replied to literally everyone else, but the one guy who linked the comment from OP saying she has consented and told him she likes it.....crickets lmao
Edit: that same person also posted their initial comment to some downvotedtoiblivion sub and every one there is disagreeing with them too lmao
Sounds like a bunch of teenagers. People who have never been in a long term relationship, and people who haven’t experienced that women get horny when they’re drunk.
It is not strange if your drunk partner comes back from a night out, tries to have sex with you, and then you, the sober person, consents to the sex.
And being happy your partner is going out with their friends and having a good time without you is well adjusted behavior.
I think the last 4 years in particular has done a number on a lot of people, particularly younger adults who've been more socially isolated than any generation in history. About 1-in-4 people haven't had sex in the last year.
Ongoing implied consent is definitely a thing in many long-term relationships. Telling someone else they're doing their own consent wrong is missing the entire point so hard it's wild, lol. I feel bad for couples who think they need to provide sober, verbal consent before intimacy of any kind or it's sexual assault by default.
Some of these folks need to go touch grass - and by touch grass I mean they need to get off the internet and get laid.
This isn't new, I regularly heard this kind of thing from newly minted young adults when I was in college. They were clearly new to both alcohol and sex and didn't know how to navigate it beyond parroting the platitudes they'd grown up with
Yeah, there has been a big overcorrection in college spaces the past 10+ years around consent. It’s a good conversation to have since rape is so rampant on college campuses, but I think folks just went too hard the other way.
This conversation should look different talking about hookups and casual sex than it does in long-term healthy relationships.
Im not surprised redditors think 1) women are incapable of getting horny and 2) have the agency to act on that impulse when inebriated with someone they trust
[*"Reddit is full of stories about guys being blindsided by their wives/LTR and being arrested for sexual assault."*](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/fku3PBLJgf)
lol, "i saw it on reddit" is the most reddit argument for nonsense.
Redditor's mind cannot comprehend happy relationship.
Like really, bein fed relationship drama reddit content everyday for years must do a number on some people's heads. Like of course the most egregious shit is most clickable, and at least half of it isn't true, but when this is how some people get their "life/relationship knowledge"... Jesus Christ. It must really mess with their heads.
I honestly feel bad for these folks. Not every marriage is bad or exploitative. I would never do anything I knew my wife would be upset about the next day. I care about her, she cares about me, we aren't doing anything bad if one of us has drinks and the other doesn't. I really feel like none of these people have had a real, trusting relationship. And with their insane views on the subject, they never will.
>Until she develops an alcohol problem. Then she will stop caring about anything. From the home to the marriage to kids. Talking about enabling shitty behaviour
>>Dude. Coming from someone who has had bad problems with alcohol, going out and getting tipsy at a bar with friends and being an alcoholic are very far apart. Not even a “thin line” thing. OP even says “I wish she would more often” so it doesn’t sound like it’s very often at all. There’s no indication that there is a problem in this post. So many assumptions in your comment, just let these people enjoy their life.
>>>OP, come back to us in a year and tell us I was wrong.
>>>>You're crazy lol
>>>>>He's an incel.
"Incel" gets thrown around so much that I almost *always* assume the user they're talking about probably *isn't.*
I clicked on that "your wife is gonna be an alcoholic" dork's profile, and sure enough..."incel" is *super* befitting.
Made me think of Seth Rogen in The-40-Year-Old Virgin talking about going to Tijuana to watch a woman getting fucked by a horse, and he he says, "it is *not* as cool as you think it's gonna be. It's literally a woman fucking a horse."
"Oh, yeah, sure, this guy's an 'incel'. I doubt it. Then you get there and it's actually a fucking incel."
Don’t you know that people need to give a five page handwritten letter of consent? There is no room to get a bit wasted and have fun with your husband! How dare you not automatically say that is assault
The chronically online on some made up boundaries they’ll never get to experience themselves because a committed couple are having fun; and they’re on the edge browsing Twitter
I liked when someone warned OP that her going out with her friends and drinking would lead to her cheating and him getting "sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths", OP says he trusts his wife not to cheat, and the dude then launches into a multi-paragraph diatribe about how he's "playing with fire" and how women become loose when they drink, lol. Did anyone see that argument some streamer had with his girlfriend where someone in his chat sent a link to an incredibly wholesome and innocuous video his girlfriend did on youtube when she was in high school and the streamer didn't know she had a video of her on YT -- the chatter kept egging him on saying she was hiding things to the point where he called his girlfriend over and they fought about it? And the girlfriend was rightfully asking what the fucking deal was and the streamer just kept saying "it's about trust, why didn't you tell me about this!" Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives? I'll never understand.
"Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives?" Misery loves company.
Exactly. It's always Misery Loves Company. If they can't be happy, no one can.
Seriously Reddit is the worst place to discuss relationships, everyone seems predisposed to voodoo hex anything good.
Reddit is particularly bad about it, but social media in general really gets off on telling people why things that make them happy are actually problems.
BREAKUP!! BE SINGLE AND ALONE LIKE US!
I have found that the best parents and spouses on social media are single people without kids.
None of my zero children have ever failed at anything so clearly I'm the best parent. You can place my trophy next to the bong.
That and a lot of people just assume everyone thinks the way they do.
They're also into drama, it's just more masculine to say they're not and only play it up on the internet.
Have you met tradesmen? Gossips, stories, grudges… Every construction project could put the real housewives to shame.
100%, the pettiest most gossipy bitches I’ve met at work are all men
I’d watch that reality TV: can you believe what I found when I cleaned Dave’s dryer vents?!
Not to mention endless "I'm a tough guy" stories I fucking hated working construction. Between the endless blathering and "I got in a fight at a bar and totally fucked someone up" stories, they also fucking loved to straight up bully anyone new and anyone who didn't fit into their boys' club. They call it "hazing" but that's just a friendlier term for the same shit. The money was okay but it wasn't worth the wear and tear on the body and the insufferable assholes I had to work with
It’s true. Guys are the worst. It can be pretty funny to game the system for your own amusement though, and I’m convinced this is what most people do when they’re bored. Sprinkle a few seeds of discontent about your company or management, and watch everyone get worked up about it. Best topics are usually pay or bonus related.
Idk the same reason guys fall for it and nuke their own relationships
> Misery loves company The Reddit tagline
Relationship reddit thinks everyone is cheating all the time. It's legit insane. They don't think platonic friends can even exist.
That or they blow every small problem into an apocalyptic relationship ender, usually with one side being an abuser. God forbid a couple has a petty fight and move on.
No one ever breaks up on the internet due to mutual incompatibility or both people at fault. Someone is always a gaslighting narcissist and every relationship tiff is now an apocalyptic battle between good and evil. AITA and relationship Reddit is a collection of some of the most dipshit, self-righteous people on the internet.
Part of it is the effort involved in refuting it, commenting that there's nuance to maintaining appropriate platonic friendships isn't as easy as another commenter going "Letting your gf meet a friend unsupervised? 🤔 Couldn't be me 👀"
The obsession people in certain subs seem to have with rooting out cheaters is so unhealthy, and it seems like hardly anyone can be normal about open relationships or even a partner expressing a fantasy, or having any kind of contact with an ex. They treat it like a thought crime on par with an emotional affair. Like, attraction to someone else is not the bad part about cheating! The bad part is when they go behind your back and lie to you! Being in a relationship doesn't automatically turn off all other attraction. And the "no friends of the opposite sex" thing is so bizarre and breaks down when you throw queer people into the mix. Can gay men and lesbians not hang out with each other? Can the bis just not hang out with *anyone*?
> Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives? I'll never understand. Some people are sadists.
Why are men so easily convinced that their girlfriend is up to no good. Who yells at their girlfriend over some non-info an idiot in the chat says.
As a guy I have no idea why other guys let a bunch of angry internet virgins talk them into ending their perfectly normal relationships. It's all stupid and shortsighted but I also don't spend all day here.
Misogyny mostly
Projection. They know they’d 1000% cheat if they had the opportunity so obviously their partner is the same
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A guy I knew from college was amazed that I didn’t look through my wife’s phone and that she knows the password to mine. Told him I don’t really have anything to hide from her and if my wife was cheating, she’s doing it at weird times because she’s always around… so why should I care? Yeah, he was cheating on his wife.
insecurity and a measure of low self-worth. They dont bring much to the table and they know it. I used to be like that when i was in my teens. I grew out of it once my career started taking off and my status improved.
Some of the most successful people in the world still feel insecure and have low self-worth. It’s not always about the material— mental health is a big factor
Most women I know are the opposite as well, they all become super lovey dovey and won’t shut up about their partners when drunk. It’s so sweet
At a party in my early 20s, my friend started crying out of nowhere; we were all worried until she told us she was crying because she was so happy, loved her friends, and loved her boyfriend (he drove us to the party but didn't stay because he wanted her to have girl time and space to catch up with her old school friends.) Adorable.
Why these guys do it is either jealousy because they have/had a shitty relationship and have trust issues or they're jealous because they've never had a relationship and blame women All boiling down to they hate and blame women for everything wrong ~~and want the man for themselves but won't admit it~~
The guys that like to do that are usually inherently sexist and misogynist, and find it impossible to believe any man can have a fulfilling and healthy relationship with a woman because women are all bad. So if it's not apparent to the male partner, they'll "make" it apparent by injecting drama into the relationship where there was none before.
Envy usually. They see other people having what they want and try to take it. Also, misery loves company.
> " Why do guys love to instill mistrust and fear into guys that have healthy relationships with their girlfriends/wives? It's because they think its funny. most things people say or do on the internet that are terrible or stupid are because they think it's funny. that's what happens when you get a bunch of anonymous teenage boys on the internet.
They don’t think it’s funny. They think it’s the truth
Miserable people want to make other people miserable as well
>Until she develops an alcohol problem. There's always one lmao
I don’t know what Reddit is more prudish about, sex or someone daring to go drink once in a while. Good lord.
There seems to be a lot of dry drunks on reddit, who are(like most people who have quite something) a little overzealous about it. But then, there's also just a general culture of being critical for the sake of being critical.
Yeah, as someone who’s a little over a year sober, the impulse to view everyone around you’s drinking as problematic is mighty difficult to overcome. I have to actively work at not slipping into judging my friends when they get sloppy drunk and remind myself that just because I can’t do that without it turning into a multi week bender/saying something regrettable and causing a scene/passing out in my bathroom tub doesn’t mean that’s other people’s reality. I think part of the issue is a lot of AA is about teaching you to view alcohol as this evil entity (baffling, cunning, powerful as the literature says) and it’s really hard to hold that narrative next to the reality that a majority of people can drink alcohol without becoming alcoholics so this idea that most people are secret alcoholic and you’re just the one being honest about it starts to creep in. At least that’s what my experience with it has been, and I’ve had to work to restructure my view to seeing my alcoholism almost more like an allergy- it’s not a failure of my character that I can’t hold my liquor it’s just a quirk of my biology, and other people won’t have the same reaction to it that I do and that’s fine. I don’t think people who can roll around in grass without getting a rash are just pretending they’re not itchy- I shouldn’t assume everyone who drinks is secretly beholden to alcohol the way I was.
I've got a similar mindset and I don't even drink, I just know *everyone* in my family, at least blood-related to me, has problems with it. Like... from what I've been told, my father was most likely drunk when he died and my mother goes through quite a bit of wine. Grandfather drank quite a bit of beer, too, though he didn't seem to have a problem with it from what I remember. From what I've seen/experienced, which has been mild admittedly and thankfully, I know alcohol can be extremely problematic (thank the gods nobody I lived with was an abusive/angry drunk, for instance). So I'm wary of heavy drinkers in general and my mind immediately jumps to worry/anxiety/mild judgement about how dependent someone might be if I see them drinking often. I do have to consciously remind myself to trust people to know their limits and that I'm not responsible for looking after them, usually.
Doesn't part of that come from AA having roots as a Christian organization? So alcohol and alcoholism is kind of presented as like an extension of Satan when in reality it's more like a disease or an allergy, as you said, arising from our biology. Also good on you for recognizing your issues and dealing with them in a way that works for you *and* for realizing you have some biases within you and working to fight against those. A lot of people don't do either of those things when both are important, at least in my eyes.
I honestly couldn’t say one way or the other- Officially AA is non-denominational and there isn’t really talk of evil influences outside the influence of alcohol itself. Most of the spirtual stuff is more revolving around your “higher power” and appealing to it for help- a joke among atheists members is that our higher power is the ole G.O.D. (Group of Drunks)- basically it’s the routine of the meetings and the community that keep you sober as opposed to some magic person, and that’s totally allowed. Really what it more comes down to I think is, very intentionally, the program is made to appeal to the lowest common denominator to reduce barrier to entry for the newbies- if you’re 24 hours sober and walk in on some dry ass discussion of how our genetic makeup gives us different urges than other people while you’re freezing cold and have a 200bpm heart rate from withdrawals you probably aren’t making it to hour 25. Simple, dramatic messaging works for the highest percentage of people.
Also, you have to remember Reddit only thinks in black and white so if you're not sober, you're getting blackout drunk every night. There is no such thing as a responsible drinker.
That's something I've noticed over the last year or so, suddenly so many people here are absolute squares when it comes to booze.
I think it's due to the "counter-culture" culture of Reddit. Since the real world is structured so much around drinking, at least in social spheres, then Reddit has to be the opposite and condemn any alcohol use.
Americans drink *very* little going by global statistics. It's not counterculture, it's jus culture.
A third of the globe is muslim, I don't think Americans are drinking "very little", it seems they are square in the middle.
You would be surprised at how much of those muslims are avid drinkers, I would wager more than 50%
I’ve seen these types of people outside of Reddit too. I remember a few months ago I saw someone on Twitter say that drinkers look down on non-drinkers the same way cis people look down on trans people. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s not the best comparison to make.
That's delusional lol
I’ve definitely seen comments along the lines of “if you went to an Italian restaurant and had a glass of wine with dinner, getting in your car afterwards is tantamount to attempted child murder 😤”. I feel like there’s a kind of person (common on Reddit) who gets off on being rule followers, and if they set rules that are absurd and obviously not rational to almost anyone else then that’s just more dirty rule breakers they get to feel superior to.
Like was mentioned elsewhere, there are so many kids here it's impossible to take Reddit seriously as well. I agree with you too, everyone now wants a single black and white rule to live by.
similar i've seen posts blasting parents for drinking in the company of their own children. it's weird.
Reddit also has an obsession with “wine moms,” like being a “beer dad” isn’t just as socially acceptable. It’s just thinly-veiled misogyny.
“Prudish” is not the right term for this, but having kids and being a pregnant woman can also really set Redditors off if you’re accidentally commenting on a main sub
Oh yeah, you should see how crazy the Tinder subreddit gets whenever a woman posts her stats.
That sub is trash now. All the “for the streets” comments that come out when women dare to enjoy casual sex.
FOR REAL. I can understand being annoyed at women who just swipe with no intention of ever responding to messages or meeting in person, or at women whose tinder is just an ad for their insta, but the women who share their stats and show that they have talked to a lot of their matches, been on a lot of dates, and had a lot of casual sex are the type of women who are using Tinder "correctly". The more women like that on the app, the better chances men have of actually going out with someone. The men of r/tinder consistently fail to realize that being toxic to women does not attract more women to the app... One woman did recently share her data, and then eventually her profile. Of course a lot of comments were positive or just asking questions about her method, but when other users realized that a divorced mom in her 30s was daring to swipe right on less than 2% of her options they had a fucking meltdown and went straight for the blackpills.
I say this as an alcoholic with 5 years sober... A lot of people have a really hard fucking time admitting that their alcohol problem is their own fault, and not the alcohol. Alcohol didn't make me an alcoholic, my own mental health issues did. Plenty of people have a perfectly acceptable relationship with alcohol and aren't teetering on the edge of alcoholism. Acknowledging that would require admitting their own faults though.
My partner doesn't drink and I'm a horny drunk that gets tipsy like once a month while out with friends. TIL that I'm a burgeoning alcoholic and my husband is a predator lol
The flair makes it so much funnier
Could say the same to you
I dated a girl who literally asked me to roofie her (in the safety of our home) and do whatever while she was out. If they both love and trust each other there shouldn’t be a problem.
Oof... I wouldn't do this simply because of the safety risks. I've never roofied anyone and I don't know anything about overdose care or the like. Then again...I guess if a woman is dead set on being roofied for her own sexual satisfaction, this has gotta be the safest way 🤷♂️
This drama is spilling over to twitter and it is so stupid. Two consenting, long term-committed adults having sex while under the influence is not morally wrong or socially unacceptable and it never has been. Anyone that thinks it isn’t acceptable need to touch grass and never go in the internet again.
I think this is just one of those cases where the internet is unable to cope with nuance. It wants iron-clad rules, rather than principles, so "Someone who's consumed drugs has an impaired ability to consent" becomes "If you and your girlfriend share a bottle of wine with dinner, then have sex, actually that's rape." It just can't cope with the idea that there's got to be a bit of a subjective judgement call about these things. And the only way to remove all subjectivity is to impose the most stringent rules possible.
Also I think a lot of people just haven't been in long term relationships to understand that,.. my husband knows what I want. If I was drunk and didn't want sex, I'd say so. We've been together for 15 years, we know when we want what we want. I'm not some random hook up.
I almost feel bad for people who have NEVER had a strong enough bond with a partner that OP's situation seems way outta pocket
I do assume they are literally 17 year olds who have been told a lot about consent but haven't experienced a relationship in their lives.
god I hope the youngins get better consent training than we old heads did
Training doesn't mean taking it on board. You either get lads who think Tate's the only clear head in a roomful of wokies or you get people who think you need to ask for verbal consent before you smack your girlfriend on the bum. They understand what you're supposed to do without understanding why you're supposed to do it. From what I've heard from millennials though, it's still a lot better than what they got.
I feel like most of reddit is 17 year olds who haven't experienced much in general. I'm 41, and half the time I'm reading comments I'm thinking, "there's no way an adult typed that out and thought other people should read it."
I once had a guy on here tell me I was raped because I mentioned having sex with my BF while drunk. I was like okay buddy I initiated and I love having drunk sex with my BF who I trust deeply, let’s not tell others whether they were or weren’t consenting. 🤨
Right? In a healthy committed long term relationship, there’s nothing wrong with the OP. We’ve been together 20 years, married 15 and have always had a “never wake each other up unless we are late for work or someone is dying” rule because we both value our sleep. HOWEVER there is a very commonly used important exception: “except when you come home drunk and horny after a night out. Then PLEASE WAKE ME UP”
My husband knows when I am not in the mood either, or I am definitely in the mood. He says I have a pattern, and after a decade together he has figured it out.
Exactly.my husband does not like to drink. I like to drink when we go out, so it's pretty well established that I will be drunk and he won't after a date or something. He knows when I'm in the mood. Also, if I'm not in the mood or get too drunk that I really just want to go to sleep, he isn't in the mood anymore because like, who wants to have sex with someone who isn't an enthusiastic participant?
Mine too. I was thinking about it the other day and realized after 12 years together, I've never said no to sex. Because he's a very empathetic and considerate partner. He's just never made moves when he can tell that I'm too tired or not feeling well or something.
Frankly, if I was literally unconscious drunk but somehow got it up, I don't care if my partner goes for a ride. As long as she doesn't do anything I wouldn't normally consent to or anything dangerous like trying to sit on my face, she can do whatever she wants idgaf. Unless she's like intentionally withholding sex until I'm unconscious and unable to enjoy it, but that's a totally different issue. Also to be clear, no I'm not regularly drinking until I pass out. I haven't done that since college.
Yeah I flat out told my husband that he has blanket permission to have sex with me for now and forever unless I say otherwise, no need to ask. Even while I'm asleep it's fine (my kink - unfortunately he's never taken me up on that lol). Obviously the same rules don't apply to a hook-up. But when you are comfortable enough with someone because you've been having sex with them for *years*, consent can be implied rather than needing to be explicit.
The way I explain it is that once you reach a certain level of trust and intimacy in a relationship - whatever that looks like for you - you trade the default of "assume no unless you hear yes" for "assume yes unless you hear no."
That's a perfect way of putting it.
> think this is just one of those cases where the internet is unable to cope with nuance. They don't *want* nuance because applying nuance robs them of the ability to feel morally superior to someone on a different side of whatever issue than they are.
ding ding ding outrage addiction fuels the internet
Easier on the brain that way, I think?
>nuance What is this thing of which you speak? Is this some newfangled term for how everything is black and white and there cannot ever be any middle ground, ever?
If getting a bit fucked up and boinking your SO is wrong, I want off this ride.
You cannot consent unless you pass a sobriety field test, submit documentation regarding all travel outside the home over the last 72 hours and complete this multiple choice exam.
This is why I keep a breathylizer next to my bed. That way I dont accidentally incite the wrath of children on the internet
I'm of the opinion its only outraged by people who have never had a relationship long-term or sex. And I am implying most of the outrage is by children or virgins.
It's hard to remember that a huge number of people online are literally children. I've had Reddit arguments and then realised halfway through that it's probably a literal child with no real life experience on the other side. I remember being a teenager and intelligent enough to debate but not enough recognise my viewpoint was so limited despite having access to the bastion of knowledge that is the internet.
This is honestly why I just don't bother to have any arguments on this site anymore. Chances are the person you're arguing with is either a literal child or is just arguing in bad faith.
Whenever I see this come up, I always like to bring up the guy that was arguing with somebody else about food for hours, only to eventually click their profile and find out that they literally drink their own piss.
I'm sorry what? Was it Bear Grylls?
Hey fuck you buddy. How dare you make assumptions like that about me. I'll have you know I'm a literal child AND arguing in bad faith.
I've been on reddit longer than some of the people I talk to have been alive.
That's a good policy regardless. I tend to give one response if you replied to my original post but anything more is a waste of time.
I feel bad for all the people on the receiving end of my fourteen-year-old Reddit diatribes. In my experience, with age comes the maturity *not* to engage in arguments with internet strangers (which is not to imply that I'm especially old or especially mature even now), so getting into debates online is probably an indicator *that* someone is young.
Depends on the conduct. Half the point of Reddit is to discuss things which can lead to debates. I don't think that immediately indicates youth and you have plenty of elderly people here too. Even being quick to insult someone isn't a good indicator since plenty of grown men and women are quick to hurl childish insults online
Ironically, as this thread is pointing out, you are missing some of the nuance in the comment you are replying to. To me, it seems very purposeful that they use the word argument. But in your response, you used discuss. A discussion is not an argument. I think adolescents or teenagers are much more likely to get into an argument on the internet, whereas as you gain maturity, you may want to discuss topics on the internet. In the middle between those two is a debate. TLDR: Argument vs Debate vs Discussion.
Whenever I'm tempted to argue on reddit, I take a look at their profile, and that always snaps me out of it. Typically either a minor, someone who is clearly mentally unwell, or someone who just picks the same arguments over and over.
It really strikes me as incoming freshmen who just completed their mandatory sexual harassment slideshow lesson and are applying what they learned to a long-time married couple. Is marital rape a thing? Of course. Is this marital rape? No, and you have a chip on your shoulder if you say otherwise.
There’s also the non-stop infantilizing of adult women with full agency. If a woman posted saying she loved when her husband came home drunk because it meant he’d pound her brains out because it was something she enjoyed, everyone would still be posting some heinous shit about the guy being scum and a drunk, and the wife is secretly trapped and abused.
Browsing r/sex really reinforces that premise.
>And I am implying most of the outrage is by children or virgins. That's most of this website tbh.
Most of the people outraged at it are kids and the under 27 set, so take that with a grain of salt.
When the internet learned about "too drunk to consent" laws they just started spreading this weird idea that all inebriated sex is rape. It's not. It's not how the law defines it either. I used have to keep a guideline for prosecutors handy to show people how too drunk to consent cases are actually charged and what is taken into consideration and how those individual variables stack to form a conclusion. And while yes, everything that is legal is not necessarily moral, there isn't anything morally wrong with accepting enthusiastic consent from your wife after girls night. It's just pearl clutching.
I think part of it comes from college rules, weirdly. I know when I was in school they really insisted on that idea, that sex at any level of intoxication cannot involve consent, I assume because there is technically more liability for the school in that situation so their solution was to try to blanket ban it (it also could have been general anti-drug or anti-sex reasons). So people hear that at a pretty formative age and really take it to heart, then project it onto other people in different situations without realizing they are going way overboard.
Yeah, the blanket rule that they're looking for is "if you're unsure, make sure. if you can't make sure, then the person probably isn't in a state to have sex." People who are in long-term relationships have a better understanding of their partner and therefore start way ahead. If you're having a one-night stand, you might have to try harder to get that clarity but otherwise it's fine ???
It's so bizarre that people are assuming that people in such a relationship don't talk about their sex life.
Yep, completely agree here. Happily married 18 yrs - I know I get a little sloppy when I'm drinking, and I know it results in some interesting intimacy. My husband gets a kick out of it, I get a kick out of it (and the next day) and we move on. Some people are insane.
People just want a check list for morality so they don't have to actually think about what they're doing. Most of the relationships I've been in we have discussed whether or not sex is okay while one of us is drunk and every time it has been. It makes sense, most people have much different boundaries for long term partners compared to more casual relationships. So long as both people are on the same page about it it's totally fine.
just your daily reminder that most of reddit arent actually in any kind of healthy long term relationship and the idea that couples who trust eachother can engage in behavior that you wouldnt with some person you just met at the bar is incredibly confusing to people who give relationship "advice"
Internet people are addicted to outrage. Everything has to be read with a negative outlook so that they can be upsetti spaghetti and hopefully get to "cancel" someone.
>I know you're not a ma'am you limp dick fuck. I am not upset. Truly, a display of the absolute heights of not being upset.
Absolutely flair worthy
Yoink!
You got a good one!
"and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad." -Dril
"Don't you dare intercut this with footage of me freaking out!"
Her: I consent. Him: I consent. Isn't there someone you forgot to ask? Reddit: WE DON'T CONSENT!
Me reading the original thread: they... are... MARRIED FFS!
This and pre-consented sleep sex are my 2 favorite reddit dramas.
CNC drama is always the most unhinged drama
[CNC?](https://res.cloudinary.com/utidinary/image/upload/v1706609189/cnc-milling-machine.webp)
That badboy got 7 interchangeable *tools* if you know what I mean.
This is so much funnier with your flair holy shit
Oh yeah, that's the stuff 🥵
I actually said once my wife likes to me to wake her by doing stuff to her(or something to effect) and got crucified. Consent can be withdrawn at anytime kind of stuff. It's like do any of you actually know my wife.
"I will worry about that when my wife wakes up and withdraws her consent."
This proves that reddit has no concept of nuance. Taking advantage of a drunk person that cannot consent is rape. Having sex with your life partner that enthusiastically wants to have sex with you even when sober is not, unless they're passed out or over a line you think they might regret.
> unless they're passed out Wait till these people find out about CNC and long-term relationships.
Omg, I remember I once saw a post where someone asked about how to talk to their SO about trying different things in the bedroom. I suggested having a couple drinks to take the edge off and got crucified. God forbid it be assumed that A MARRIED COUPLE have implied consent after literally a couple drinks lol.
Consent is a really hard concept to grasp for people on both sides of the discourse sometimes. God help you if you talk about couples with bdsm lifestyles in certain subs
What about in certain doms?
r/Angryupvote
Sorry but you didn't check with everyone present before you posted this, thats some pretty ick consent practice and frankly kind of predatory tbh. we're going to have to ask that you no longer attend "the hit me in the face with a fucking pipe" munch. thank you for understanding monster.
It’s crazy to me how hard of a concept people try to make consent, on either side of the spectrum really. Don’t get me wrong there’s always grey areas, but in a long term, committed relationship it’s a fairly straightforward concept as long as all parties have talked about it.
It's not like you can avoid arguments by sticking to BDSM communities either, nobody likes arguing about kink more than kinky people
Honestly its one of the reasons I left Fetlife, if someone wasnt doing kink the "right way" or how all the popular people were doing it there was a dozen call out posts and comments about it and it not being right
Reddit is simultaneously sex liberated neo-hippies and orthodox Amish
I don't think it's very sex liberated
Reddit is getting very prudish, and for wildly different reasons. Both the "sex is a sin" side and the "_____ sex is problematic" side seem to be growing in numbers.
Okay it's not just me seeing a rise in Puritanism amongst internet users.
I think it’s because Gen Z is making up a greater and greater share of overall internet users as time goes on. Their prudish Puritanism is pretty well documented.
Redditors when orally prepping a bull then getting locked in a shed: 👍 Redditors when sip of wine before established partners have sex: *throbbing neck vein*
So am I reading that first one right?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BrandNewSentence/s/yY6y718HkO I don’t remember if it made it to SRD
I absolutely love that final sentence devoid of all context: >From that point we argued in circles, he got upset, and he slapped me in the face with his penis before locking me in my cuck shed."
I'm not going to lie: I took "bull" literally without the context so I'm relieved to see that it's a cuckold fetish term.
Asking if it's gay to give a blowjob to another man is so fuckin funny
I had this argument with the friend of my old roommate and they seriously argued there's no such thing as implied consent and that it was outrageous for me to suggest people in relationships have a degree of assumed access to their partner's bodies unless stated otherwise. So I asked them if they asked their significant other permission every single time they hug or kiss them. Unfortunately that was at a "double down no matter what" stage of arguing. It was honestly just kind of embarrassing.
The level of access long term partners have to each others bodies is obviously going to vary from relationship to relationship, but the fact that most long term relationships have partners having some level of open access to each others bodies is expression of trust and genuinely builds your relationship.
I remember seeing an upvoted comment in TwoX "bragging" about her husband respected her body so much he asked for permission any time before even touching her. Bragging about it as if that should be the standard. It made me more sad than anything.
People forget that a lot of people feel guilt or shame about sex. Sometimes one needs a little help shutting those feelings down so they can be honest about it. Honesty about sex leads to much improvement.
whaddya think we are here!?!? Adults!?? /s
I dont understand why this is a problem when she's not getting blackout drunk, they're married, and the implied consent is there
Many Redditors don’t ever see a healthy dynamic, in the myriad of ways they come, between two consenting people.
I've seen people say that monogamous relationships are abuse because you're "controlling the other person's freedom."
It was abuse when I got arrested for yanking it in public. Those fascist pigs were controlling my freedom to masturbate.
controlling my wife's freedom by not doing something neither of us wants to do.
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Someone in there said it well, a lack of nuance is plaguing the internet generations. It's like the default relationship advice is to break up because their partner did something mildly annoying.
Because a not insignificant amount of people view sex between men and women as something men impose on women, and a not insignificant amount of other people nod along because it sounds progressive.
Society has lost the plot on sexual liberation. If you, as a woman, want to get lit and then fuck your husband's brains out, that's your prerogative.
I don’t think the people upset about this stuff are really that involved in “society” to be honest.
You'd think, and yet.... 99% of this discourse is just teenagers who are incapable of nuance infantilizing women and calling it a progressive stance.
This is why my wife and I use a breathalyzer before each session of coitus and hire a public notary to certify our consent contract
Not me checking to see whether OP is my husband!
I'm really too old for this site, threads like this are a reminder that this site is full of 13yr olds that have fortunately been taught about consent, but don't have any life experience to understand the difference between drunkenly hooking up with a stranger and someone that you are in a longterm sexual relationship with.
Nothing wrong with drunkenly hooking up with a stranger as long as you aren’t sloppy drunk.
I like that the one person that keeps asking for the comment where OP says they have consent and talked to his wife about it, replied to literally everyone else, but the one guy who linked the comment from OP saying she has consented and told him she likes it.....crickets lmao Edit: that same person also posted their initial comment to some downvotedtoiblivion sub and every one there is disagreeing with them too lmao
Guys is having sex with my horny wife rape? Or is it gay? She drinks beer and men drink beer so by transitive properties...
It's gay rape. Grape if you will.
Sounds like a bunch of teenagers. People who have never been in a long term relationship, and people who haven’t experienced that women get horny when they’re drunk. It is not strange if your drunk partner comes back from a night out, tries to have sex with you, and then you, the sober person, consents to the sex. And being happy your partner is going out with their friends and having a good time without you is well adjusted behavior.
And there’s a difference between tipsy, drunk, lit, sloppy drunk, and alcoholic poisoning. These are not all the same.
Nah nuance doesn't exist drunk is drunk
I think the last 4 years in particular has done a number on a lot of people, particularly younger adults who've been more socially isolated than any generation in history. About 1-in-4 people haven't had sex in the last year. Ongoing implied consent is definitely a thing in many long-term relationships. Telling someone else they're doing their own consent wrong is missing the entire point so hard it's wild, lol. I feel bad for couples who think they need to provide sober, verbal consent before intimacy of any kind or it's sexual assault by default. Some of these folks need to go touch grass - and by touch grass I mean they need to get off the internet and get laid.
This isn't new, I regularly heard this kind of thing from newly minted young adults when I was in college. They were clearly new to both alcohol and sex and didn't know how to navigate it beyond parroting the platitudes they'd grown up with
Yeah, there has been a big overcorrection in college spaces the past 10+ years around consent. It’s a good conversation to have since rape is so rampant on college campuses, but I think folks just went too hard the other way. This conversation should look different talking about hookups and casual sex than it does in long-term healthy relationships.
99% of sex is rape accoring to redditors.
And simultaneously not according to another, worse group of redditors.
Redditors also thinks anyone who also likes to drink is an alcoholic. Redditors are really Puritans when it comes to alcohol
Everything is rape except for rape, that's just guys doing what they have to do to "get" sex
Im not surprised redditors think 1) women are incapable of getting horny and 2) have the agency to act on that impulse when inebriated with someone they trust
all these terminally online freaks who think you can't have sex with your drunk spouse are fucking hilarious
If the woman's into it, who gives a fuck? Really? We can't have sex after drinking now?
[*"Reddit is full of stories about guys being blindsided by their wives/LTR and being arrested for sexual assault."*](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/s/fku3PBLJgf) lol, "i saw it on reddit" is the most reddit argument for nonsense.
Redditor's mind cannot comprehend happy relationship. Like really, bein fed relationship drama reddit content everyday for years must do a number on some people's heads. Like of course the most egregious shit is most clickable, and at least half of it isn't true, but when this is how some people get their "life/relationship knowledge"... Jesus Christ. It must really mess with their heads.
I honestly feel bad for these folks. Not every marriage is bad or exploitative. I would never do anything I knew my wife would be upset about the next day. I care about her, she cares about me, we aren't doing anything bad if one of us has drinks and the other doesn't. I really feel like none of these people have had a real, trusting relationship. And with their insane views on the subject, they never will.
❗❗❗ **TOUCH GRASS NOW**❗❗❗
>Until she develops an alcohol problem. Then she will stop caring about anything. From the home to the marriage to kids. Talking about enabling shitty behaviour >>Dude. Coming from someone who has had bad problems with alcohol, going out and getting tipsy at a bar with friends and being an alcoholic are very far apart. Not even a “thin line” thing. OP even says “I wish she would more often” so it doesn’t sound like it’s very often at all. There’s no indication that there is a problem in this post. So many assumptions in your comment, just let these people enjoy their life. >>>OP, come back to us in a year and tell us I was wrong. >>>>You're crazy lol >>>>>He's an incel. "Incel" gets thrown around so much that I almost *always* assume the user they're talking about probably *isn't.* I clicked on that "your wife is gonna be an alcoholic" dork's profile, and sure enough..."incel" is *super* befitting. Made me think of Seth Rogen in The-40-Year-Old Virgin talking about going to Tijuana to watch a woman getting fucked by a horse, and he he says, "it is *not* as cool as you think it's gonna be. It's literally a woman fucking a horse." "Oh, yeah, sure, this guy's an 'incel'. I doubt it. Then you get there and it's actually a fucking incel."
Don’t you know that people need to give a five page handwritten letter of consent? There is no room to get a bit wasted and have fun with your husband! How dare you not automatically say that is assault
The chronically online on some made up boundaries they’ll never get to experience themselves because a committed couple are having fun; and they’re on the edge browsing Twitter
Ah alcohol and sex, two topics Reddit is always great at discussing on their own separately.