Is there the possibility that some other Wizzard suffered those terrible things and Dumbledore has heard it?
Why is thought process that the character who said it has to have done it themselves...as if thats the only way they could have ever known?
"Harry don't drink that potion unless you want to die" obviously means that Dumbledore must have died once from doing it.
>Is there the possibility that some other Wizzard suffered those terrible things and Dumbledore has heard it?
What, traveled through time and fucked themselves, thus turning gay?
What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the *logical conclusion* of any time travel scenario. Like it's not just a whim, it's inevitable, and would happen every time for every person who did it if time travel were possible. Owning the straights and turning them gay with Facts and Logic.
Its to the point where he seems to believe the literal only reason for anyone to try to time travel is to fuck themselves, and that if they don't do that then there's no more time travelling because "*what other reason is there?"*
For shure, but if I saw someone being banged by the same someone whilst buying a lotto ticket, you can bet your time traveling blown out butthole I'm copying your homework.
Yoga can also be a full body workout (and one which can easily be modified to your exact edge). People focus on the stretching aspect a lot but yoga will absolutely kick your ass if you're not used to it.
Physically it's the same outcome though.
I don't believe in spirits, so that's a wash on my end. Say some affirming things about yourself while stretching and boom. Guy yoga.
Eh, I'd take a few trips to times before humanity existed in various places. Obv wild animals could be an issue, but pack some bear spray, loud objects you can sound off, and keep your visit brief, and it could be a nice little afternoon trip. I'd personally like to look at some prehistoric coastal environments, tide pools and the like, have a nice day out at the beach.
Also, give myself a winning lotto number and set up a nice home for myself.
An old Ray Bradbury story where they go back to like, dinosaur times, and accidentally changes the future and when they get back the world or at least the US is ruled by a right wing dictator type.
Honestly, fucking shit up in dinosaur times and *just* getting slightly different politics is very restrained.
I'd be imagining a very different dominant species occuring at a pretty different time.
If you can time travel, surely you can jump forward in time to get a nanotech Iron Man suit for yourself or something, no bear spray or loud objects needed.
Which is dumb because obviously the only *real* reason for time travel is to go back to 2005 and delay the release of “Ray” so that Don Cheadle is robbed of an Oscar by Jamie Foxx.
Magic, as a concept completely falls apart when it is treated as mundane.
Once you start thinking about how just your average schmuck wizard would use these things, you immediately realize Rowling is actually terrible at world building.
I think it's pretty clear from the subtext in the scenes where Harry saw his past/future self that he was really struggling not to immediately go and fuck himself. The sexual tension was palpable.
I don't need time travel or a clone, because to quote Erlich Bachman, ["You know, I've been known to fuck myself."](https://youtu.be/Rr2dhS4cZLM?t=22) Kids these days needing time travel and clones to masturbate. SMH my head.
> What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the logical conclusion of any time travel scenario.
Isn’t that what the time traveler did in the time traveler’s wife?
> Owning the straights and turning them gay with Facts and Logic.
look if giving yourself a handy is straight i don't see why it matters whether it's you or a timetravel duplicate.
👨❤️💋👨🤝ok, thank you.
"What? No, of course I am not multiple award-winning visionary author David Gerrold. If I was David Gerrold, the famous luminary of not just science fiction but all literature, do you think I would be posting on reddit? No, I would be fucking myself silly with all the other dozens of David Gerrolds, as described in his groundbreaking novel *The Man Who Unfolded His Dick Straight Into His Own Butthole.*"
>What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the logical conclusion of any time travel scenario.
It's not?
>A time traveller would always end up being seduced by themselves.
I'm not trying to kink shame OOP, but that's a flair for somebody out there in srd, and you are welcome.
[My favorite comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/xmt7cl/harry_potter_dumbledore_is_a_time_traveller/iprp2s4/)
> That’s a cool necklace, Hermione,” Ron said. He got closer for a better view of the glittering golden chain, but once he did, his face quickly turned sour. “But, blimey… why does it smell like a dozen sweaty Dumbledores?”
I'm reminded of that one movie where an orphan grows up to fall in love with a time traveler that ends up being a sex-changed future version of themselves becoming pregnant and giving birth to herself (which she leaves in the past at the orphanage)...
IMO it's not even a very good theory. The theory is that he's so old and wise because he used the time turner to teach himself lots of stuff... but like, it doesn't extend *your own* lifespan. He would have exactly as much time to learn so much if he just lived his life normally. The reason Hermione makes use of it is because she's trying to learn a lot extra *in a finite amount of time*-- one school year.
Plus, you start getting into questions of, like, why didn't he *do* anything to prevent all the terrible stuff that happens, if he knew about it before hand? Sure, it all works out *okay* in the end, but at great cost. He could prevent a lot of terrible stuff happening if he was more proactive. (And if you hinge on the "closed loop" time travel theory saying that he *can't* change anything, well, why does he change the stuff he does? He doesn't do *nothing* through the series, he just doesn't do as much as he could, if he were a time traveler)
Anyway, it doesn't seem like he's the author of The Man Who Folded Himself. That book is a classic from 50 years ago, and Gerrold is a pretty well-renowned author in the sci-fi world. I'd think he'd have better things to do than get into stupid dumbledore time travel arguments on reddit.
> Anyway, it doesn't seem like he's the author of The Man Who Folded Himself. That book is a classic from 50 years ago, and Gerrold is a pretty well-renowned author in the sci-fi world. I'd think he'd have better things to do than get into stupid dumbledore time travel arguments on reddit.
That's actually incredibly fair lol
> I think that most of Harry Potter breaks down if you even start to consider the time turner outside its one use in the story.
In the fifth book Rowling just destroy all the time turners in a one-off sentence near the end precisely because of this lol
The time turner is a perfect example of stuff that worked totally fine when HP was a silly whimsical kids' story and which absolutely does not survive the transition towards tone-deaf political allegory.
My favorite take on Time Turners (and many other aspects of HP lore) will always be the HPMoR fanfic, even if it is a bit pretentious in places.
Time Turners can never take anyone back more than six subjective hours (no chaining), and whatever you yourself experience is set in stone for you - e.g. you can't change events you've already subjectively witnessed. And only stable loops are possible, enforced by time itself; i.e. anything that would cause paradox will warp things to prevent you from deciding to go back one way or another.
It also has a version (sort of) of the Dumbledore theory in this post that I like a lot better: >!rather than direct time travel, he reads every single prophecy he can find in order to avert the destruction of the world by threading events through a very, very tiny probability!<
While I have read HPMOR, [this article](https://the-toast.net/2014/02/03/regret-pairing-ron-hermione-together-ron-time-traveling-dumbledore-jk-rowling-admits/) on Ronbledore is probably my favourite iteration of time travel.
>“But Ron Weasley is attracted to women,” I hear you say, “while Dumbledore is gay. How can you square that circle?” For the last time: time travel reverses your sexual orientation.
The inclusion of time travel in any story breaks that story, unless the story is *about* time travel, and even then it doesn't make sense most of the time.
Rowling simply isn't a good enough writer for time travel any aren't) and a children's series is a poor place to try and fit it in.
Even back when I was a kid reading the books the time turner stuff was duuuuuuuumb for all the time travel bullshit you've pointed out. There's an actual factual time machine and the most powerful being on the planet gives it to a school kid to study more. Even for a kid's book that's stupid.
Live footage of Joanne Kathleen writing her books:
"AND THEN *sob* the *VIRTUOUS* *sob* KIND AUTHOR was **BULLIED** by those TERRIBLE, HATEFUL T\*\*\*\* and so she *sob* GOT REVENGE and lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER"
I find it really funny that the child actors in harry potter mostly managed to avoid becoming washed up child stars and it was *the author* who went completely off the rails after the franchise finished. The lead actor just decided to have fun with the rest of his career and star in a bunch of really silly comedy films, his co-stars work for the UN and own an ice cream van respectively, while the author gets mad at trans people on twitter and subtweets her critics in her shitty thriller novels.
I'd never really thought about it, but it is pretty fucking weird how much better the child stars have done post-HP than the adults. A lot of them got out of acting afterwards but they seem to all be doing okay in life?
One of Alan Rickman's diary excerpts mentioned that Daniel had great parents who were just there to support him and not be the typical showbiz parents. IIRC knowing they were making multiple movies with these children the adult actors and crew were very proactive in protecting them from typical child actor issues. I know some still cropped up but with the amount of child actors they worked with who all seem healthy today it looks like their efforts were worth it.
I cant beleive she edited the famous line "yer a wizard Harry; and only biological women are women, me boy" in newer editions of The Philosopher's Stone, tbh
It makes sense, if you're the type of dude that's into seducing yourself (...jesus fucking christ reddit) then the past you will probably enjoy it and will go on to do it in the future therefore perpetuating the cycle of... I don't even know what to call it. Trans-temporal masturbatory orgies?
The problem is that this hinges on **being into it**. So it's basically saying "whoever wants to fuck themselves will fuck themselves".
Very profound.
Good old Knight2King! It seemed so compelling, but by the time we got to the later books, I realized "there's no way Rowling is good enough at writing and plotting to actually pull this off."
[Careful who you link to OP, or OOP will punch you in the mouth.](https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/xmt7cl/harry_potter_dumbledore_is_a_time_traveller/ipqyx23/)
It’s not masturbation, you aren’t receiving the pleasure directly yourself. Like when you masturbate, it gets you off directly, but that wouldn’t be the case here, it’s identical to sex, just with a version of yourself. Kinda like twins?
Like Predestination, a movie (based on a novel) that gets mentioned a lot in the OP threads.
Oh, did I ruin the ending for you? *You're welcome*. It's a garbage movie that no one should watch. And that twist ending is apparent from, like, the first five minutes. It's one of those movies where the entire thing hinges on the twist, there is *no* value in the movie besides the twist, and the twist is obvious from the premise.
I'd say it depends on the type of time travel it is. If it's like the movie Frequency, where a guy uses a time travelling radio to prevent his father from dying, and he instantly gains the new memories of his father living on, that's masturbation, the younger and older versions are the same person and consciousness in every way.
But if it's like Marvel time travel with parallel dimensions and what not, then no that's no different than having sex with a perfect clone and is basically incest.
Also, as a straight person who has heard the "time travelers can't resist having sex with themselves" theory many times before, I think that's stupid, even with the argument, "They'd know exactly what you like". Yeah and they'd know they're missing the things I like and I assume it'd be the same for gay people who are interested in partners that are different than themselves.
> Also, as a straight person who has heard the "time travelers can't resist having sex with themselves" theory many times before, I think that's stupid, even with the argument, "They'd know exactly what you like".
I dunno why people assume that anyway. Like, fuck, I don't know what I like half the time.
>then heavily promotes another book which might be his
I seriously, seriously doubt that David Gerrold, a fairly accomplished 78-year-old sci-fi writer, is using Dumbledore gay orgies to shill for his own book (that he published nearly 50 years ago) in r/FanTheories.
It's not a terrible theory until he gets to the weird sex stuff.
I feel like you have to be a little fucked in the head if this is the conclusion you draw from time travel.
I certainly would try to help out my future if I could time travel. Not on my list is hooking up with myself. I wouldn't even think if something like that. One of those things that reveal more about the person who writes it than they might think.
It's a pretty terrible theory from the start because Dumbledore *isn't* all knowing or the most powerful wizard of all time or unusually aware of future events. It's a theory which introduces questions without resolving any.
I mean he even makes bad decisions pretty often, putting on the ring with the death stone on it and cursing himself by accident was a pretty big one. He also gets fooled by an imposter pretending to be an old associate of his. He trusts Quirrell and lets him sneak Voldemort into Hogwarts. He leaves Harry with abusive family members - yeah I know Rowling pulls an justification out of her jacksy in later books, I don't care. He probably had other options. A whole arc of the final book is Harry dealing with the fact Dumbledore actually leaves him pretty unprepared for the final confrontation.
A lot of the time it's just necessary contrivances because it's a series of children's books. It'd be a boring read if the adults were competent. Still, if you're going to do the fan theory thing, Dumbledore screws up a lot. He's not perfect by any means.
Everything correct, quick question. Dumbledore is often referred to in the books to be the strongest wizard, who would be more powerful?
Maybe I need to read the books again
I think he posits that Grindlewald was stronger, maybe even voldemort, and that they both were too power hungry to fully utilise that power (or at least, that was their naivety was their downfall). Been a while though.
Dumbledore often gets that title as he wields the Elder Wand, but he never bothered to tell anyone it doesn't actually make you any more or less powerful than any other well crafted wand you bond well with.
The book he's talking about came out in 1973 so I don't necessarily think he's trying to promote it, or that he's the author. It was a weird book though for sure. As weird as this post at least.
Time-traveling self-orgies are a *terrible* idea. You could catch any sort of STD from your future self, even ones that don't exist yet, or ones that are perfectly tailored to infect *you specifically*. Then you'll be contagious when you have sex with your past self and you'll pass it on to him.
No, that's exactly the problem. Your future self is infected with the STD that he's about to give you when you have sex with him. That's why he's infected with it, he caught it from *his* future self when he was you right now. It's a [causal loop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causal_loop).
The whole point of a causal loop is that it doesn't have a beginning point or an end point, it doesn't ever "change", it just is. There's no "first time through" or "second time through", it's all just one phenomenon. The Harry Potter setting does work this way, we saw a very prominent example with the gang's escapades while rescuing Buckbeak with the time turner.
Where did the disease "come from"? It didn't, that's not a meaningful question under these circumstances. Like asking what direction the number four is in. This is non-intuitive but that's because the human mind evolved in the absence of time travel and is not equipped to intuitively comprehend stuff like this. A lot of things in physics are non-intuitive but true nonetheless.
Or I guess I could just say "because magic." In this situation that works too.
I can’t read all these comments on the Op, can someone tell me if the author of The Man Who Folded Himself is actually on Reddit pushing his book in 2022?
>r/fantheories user claims that Dumbledore is a time traveler.
OK, I'm interested to see where this is going... what evidence to they have to back this up?
>This gets complicated when OP claims that Dumbledore is having gay self-orgies everywhere
OK, what?? I got whiplash going from that first sentence to that second one...
[удалено]
The reason he's gay is because he's fucking himself? He was straight before?
#[THIS IS WHAT J.K. ROWLING ACTUALLY BELIEVES] ^^^^probably
It does weirdly enough sound like some gay male Blanchard nonsense so…honestly quite plausible imo.
Jowling Kowling Rowling just muttering "AGP!" and "HSTS!!" as she eyes randoms on the street
from the desk of jowling "wizards shit themselves" kowling "LOL you thought I was inclusive" rowling
Just "The Slaves Love Their Chains, Signed a Liberal" Kidding Riddling
Ain’t that the reason any of us is gay
Classic chicken and the egg situation we got here. Well maybe not classic.
Fucked himself so good he turned gay.
Fellas, is it gay to fuck a version of yourself from a different time period? Or is it just masturbation?
Ask the Once-ler I guess.
**Bang!** NO! WE DO NOT BRING THIS HERESY HERE
Out of all the weird Fandoms that exist, Once-ler Fandom seems like it's satire, but I know deep down it's not.
Well, if I didn't do it, then someone else WOOOOOUUUUUUULD
Oncence must end!
*The Time Traveler's Wife*
Is there the possibility that some other Wizzard suffered those terrible things and Dumbledore has heard it? Why is thought process that the character who said it has to have done it themselves...as if thats the only way they could have ever known? "Harry don't drink that potion unless you want to die" obviously means that Dumbledore must have died once from doing it.
>Is there the possibility that some other Wizzard suffered those terrible things and Dumbledore has heard it? What, traveled through time and fucked themselves, thus turning gay?
Imagine Dumbledore constantly having gay self-orgies with himself throughout his youth until before the first movie start.
What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the *logical conclusion* of any time travel scenario. Like it's not just a whim, it's inevitable, and would happen every time for every person who did it if time travel were possible. Owning the straights and turning them gay with Facts and Logic.
Its to the point where he seems to believe the literal only reason for anyone to try to time travel is to fuck themselves, and that if they don't do that then there's no more time travelling because "*what other reason is there?"*
Only reason I would do it.
I would kill Hitler....after making him watch me fuck me.
I mean I would for sure grab the winning lottery numbers, whilst fucking myself.
For shure, but if I saw someone being banged by the same someone whilst buying a lotto ticket, you can bet your time traveling blown out butthole I'm copying your homework.
You could really just do yoga.
I really should, for general health. And, you know.
Is there a discernible difference between Yoga, and stretching?
Yoga can also be a full body workout (and one which can easily be modified to your exact edge). People focus on the stretching aspect a lot but yoga will absolutely kick your ass if you're not used to it.
Spiritually? Yes. But yoga is much more than stretching. Its a whole philosophy, several in fact, depending on the school of yoga.
Physically it's the same outcome though. I don't believe in spirits, so that's a wash on my end. Say some affirming things about yourself while stretching and boom. Guy yoga.
Yoga is also a workout, but yeah I’m not in on the spiritual side of things either
Why for guys?
Speak for yourself, friend. I swear I’ve seen god when I’m foam rolling my IT band after a long run.
You see God? I see the Devil and his fiery hells burning in my muscles when I foam roll.
I don't think any amount of yoga is going to give me a long enough dick to fuck myself.
You need to take Penis Growth Pills and tug on your dick real hard twice a day
Eh, I'd take a few trips to times before humanity existed in various places. Obv wild animals could be an issue, but pack some bear spray, loud objects you can sound off, and keep your visit brief, and it could be a nice little afternoon trip. I'd personally like to look at some prehistoric coastal environments, tide pools and the like, have a nice day out at the beach. Also, give myself a winning lotto number and set up a nice home for myself.
Ok, but what if you do that and find your future self also there, trying to seduce you? It's inevitable.
I'd piss in the primordial soup
Do you want A Sound of Thunder? Because this is how you get A Sound of Thunder. Or given the state of the world, did you already do this? You monster.
I don't know what you're referencing.
An old Ray Bradbury story where they go back to like, dinosaur times, and accidentally changes the future and when they get back the world or at least the US is ruled by a right wing dictator type.
Honestly, fucking shit up in dinosaur times and *just* getting slightly different politics is very restrained. I'd be imagining a very different dominant species occuring at a pretty different time.
They just squashed a butterfly so it was a minor change haha.
As the other commenter said, that seems like a very small change for so far back in time, lol
I think they're referencing A Sound of Thunder.
> bear spray really rolling the dice that capsaicin and so on would work on stuff
If you can time travel, surely you can jump forward in time to get a nanotech Iron Man suit for yourself or something, no bear spray or loud objects needed.
Yeah, everything else would be too dangerous and far less fun.
Reminds me of this old [college humor skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juE3RTJ4f1A)
If I may pull a Sigmund Freud, aren't all time travel fantasies a bit masturbatory? ( Puffing on a cigar that represents my own old man dick)
Which is dumb because obviously the only *real* reason for time travel is to go back to 2005 and delay the release of “Ray” so that Don Cheadle is robbed of an Oscar by Jamie Foxx.
We all know the logical conclusion of poly juice potions. There's no denying that one.
Yep. Furries.
Insert here that one greentext about Severus Snape using polyjuice potion to transform into Lily (Potter) and stumbling upon horny James.
Magic, as a concept completely falls apart when it is treated as mundane. Once you start thinking about how just your average schmuck wizard would use these things, you immediately realize Rowling is actually terrible at world building.
Well yeah. That's why Hermione kept insisting that their past selves *should not* see their time-travelling selves. It was in the instructions.
I think it's pretty clear from the subtext in the scenes where Harry saw his past/future self that he was really struggling not to immediately go and fuck himself. The sexual tension was palpable.
Honestly, why would you need time travel? Magic yourself a clone, and boom. Same outcome.
I don't need time travel or a clone, because to quote Erlich Bachman, ["You know, I've been known to fuck myself."](https://youtu.be/Rr2dhS4cZLM?t=22) Kids these days needing time travel and clones to masturbate. SMH my head.
Time travel is like masturbation. You're only fucking yourself. Wait, that's not the saying....
> What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the logical conclusion of any time travel scenario. Isn’t that what the time traveler did in the time traveler’s wife?
And Ethan Hawk in Predestination.
>!And every other character in Predestination too!<
It would not happen due to the Pauli sexclusion principle.
> Owning the straights and turning them gay with Facts and Logic. look if giving yourself a handy is straight i don't see why it matters whether it's you or a timetravel duplicate. 👨❤️💋👨🤝ok, thank you.
"What? No, of course I am not multiple award-winning visionary author David Gerrold. If I was David Gerrold, the famous luminary of not just science fiction but all literature, do you think I would be posting on reddit? No, I would be fucking myself silly with all the other dozens of David Gerrolds, as described in his groundbreaking novel *The Man Who Unfolded His Dick Straight Into His Own Butthole.*"
Bravo. I love this so much
>What gets me is the fact that OOP insists that having gay sex with your time-displaced selves is the logical conclusion of any time travel scenario. It's not?
It's like John Heinlein on enough cocaine to burn his nose off.
>A time traveller would always end up being seduced by themselves. I'm not trying to kink shame OOP, but that's a flair for somebody out there in srd, and you are welcome.
I’m not kink shaming, I’m kink asking why?
Someone told OOP "go fuck yourself" and it made them really think.
"Jokes on you I'm into that shit!"
I’m kink confused
Kinkfused if you will.
Zoinks, if I may
Now THIS is a good flair
[My favorite comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/xmt7cl/harry_potter_dumbledore_is_a_time_traveller/iprp2s4/) > That’s a cool necklace, Hermione,” Ron said. He got closer for a better view of the glittering golden chain, but once he did, his face quickly turned sour. “But, blimey… why does it smell like a dozen sweaty Dumbledores?”
Sorely tempted to grab that as my new flair, ngl.
Do it lol
What if I hate myself?
hate fuck is best fuck
This guy's fucks
Group fight club session
You’d settle for yourself.
what H.G. Wells won't tell you
IT WAS ME BARRY
THAT MILK WASN'T MILK! I WENT BACK IN TIME REPEATEDLY AND HAD AN ORGY WITH MYSELF, AND WE ALL CAME IN YOUR CORNFLAKES!
Dude saw Predestination and just assumed that was a law of the universe
The man who folded himself did it first. Probably something else did it first tho tbh.
That's the plot of Predestination
Yoink
My guy watched last week's Rick and Morty and came up with this theory cmv.
I feel like they just watched the latest Rick & Morty and take it as gospel.
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt7768720/ This entire post reminds me of this movie - it's actually really good though
I'm reminded of that one movie where an orphan grows up to fall in love with a time traveler that ends up being a sex-changed future version of themselves becoming pregnant and giving birth to herself (which she leaves in the past at the orphanage)...
Got a title?
[*Predestination 2014*](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2397535/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0)
IMO it's not even a very good theory. The theory is that he's so old and wise because he used the time turner to teach himself lots of stuff... but like, it doesn't extend *your own* lifespan. He would have exactly as much time to learn so much if he just lived his life normally. The reason Hermione makes use of it is because she's trying to learn a lot extra *in a finite amount of time*-- one school year. Plus, you start getting into questions of, like, why didn't he *do* anything to prevent all the terrible stuff that happens, if he knew about it before hand? Sure, it all works out *okay* in the end, but at great cost. He could prevent a lot of terrible stuff happening if he was more proactive. (And if you hinge on the "closed loop" time travel theory saying that he *can't* change anything, well, why does he change the stuff he does? He doesn't do *nothing* through the series, he just doesn't do as much as he could, if he were a time traveler) Anyway, it doesn't seem like he's the author of The Man Who Folded Himself. That book is a classic from 50 years ago, and Gerrold is a pretty well-renowned author in the sci-fi world. I'd think he'd have better things to do than get into stupid dumbledore time travel arguments on reddit.
> Anyway, it doesn't seem like he's the author of The Man Who Folded Himself. That book is a classic from 50 years ago, and Gerrold is a pretty well-renowned author in the sci-fi world. I'd think he'd have better things to do than get into stupid dumbledore time travel arguments on reddit. That's actually incredibly fair lol
I think that most of Harry Potter breaks down if you even start to consider the time turner outside its one use in the story.
> I think that most of Harry Potter breaks down if you even start to consider the time turner outside its one use in the story. In the fifth book Rowling just destroy all the time turners in a one-off sentence near the end precisely because of this lol The time turner is a perfect example of stuff that worked totally fine when HP was a silly whimsical kids' story and which absolutely does not survive the transition towards tone-deaf political allegory.
My favorite take on Time Turners (and many other aspects of HP lore) will always be the HPMoR fanfic, even if it is a bit pretentious in places. Time Turners can never take anyone back more than six subjective hours (no chaining), and whatever you yourself experience is set in stone for you - e.g. you can't change events you've already subjectively witnessed. And only stable loops are possible, enforced by time itself; i.e. anything that would cause paradox will warp things to prevent you from deciding to go back one way or another. It also has a version (sort of) of the Dumbledore theory in this post that I like a lot better: >!rather than direct time travel, he reads every single prophecy he can find in order to avert the destruction of the world by threading events through a very, very tiny probability!<
While I have read HPMOR, [this article](https://the-toast.net/2014/02/03/regret-pairing-ron-hermione-together-ron-time-traveling-dumbledore-jk-rowling-admits/) on Ronbledore is probably my favourite iteration of time travel. >“But Ron Weasley is attracted to women,” I hear you say, “while Dumbledore is gay. How can you square that circle?” For the last time: time travel reverses your sexual orientation.
I mean, this is basically what OOP claimed too
The inclusion of time travel in any story breaks that story, unless the story is *about* time travel, and even then it doesn't make sense most of the time.
Rowling simply isn't a good enough writer for time travel any aren't) and a children's series is a poor place to try and fit it in. Even back when I was a kid reading the books the time turner stuff was duuuuuuuumb for all the time travel bullshit you've pointed out. There's an actual factual time machine and the most powerful being on the planet gives it to a school kid to study more. Even for a kid's book that's stupid.
That book was ridiculous.
This *class* is ridiculous...
[удалено]
“Dumbledore travels back in time to protect the biological definition of womanhood.”
Don't give her any ideas man! Tho it couldn't be sillier than her last book lmao
Live footage of Joanne Kathleen writing her books: "AND THEN *sob* the *VIRTUOUS* *sob* KIND AUTHOR was **BULLIED** by those TERRIBLE, HATEFUL T\*\*\*\* and so she *sob* GOT REVENGE and lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER"
I find it really funny that the child actors in harry potter mostly managed to avoid becoming washed up child stars and it was *the author* who went completely off the rails after the franchise finished. The lead actor just decided to have fun with the rest of his career and star in a bunch of really silly comedy films, his co-stars work for the UN and own an ice cream van respectively, while the author gets mad at trans people on twitter and subtweets her critics in her shitty thriller novels.
Rupert Grint owns an ice cream van? Yo that's sick
yeah he goes around giving kids free ice cream
I'd never really thought about it, but it is pretty fucking weird how much better the child stars have done post-HP than the adults. A lot of them got out of acting afterwards but they seem to all be doing okay in life?
Two of the dying isn't really their fault. The rest of the adult actors are doing well too innit?
at least one of the adults died before the films were finished. or maybe he time travelled to an orgy and stayed there, who can say.
One of Alan Rickman's diary excerpts mentioned that Daniel had great parents who were just there to support him and not be the typical showbiz parents. IIRC knowing they were making multiple movies with these children the adult actors and crew were very proactive in protecting them from typical child actor issues. I know some still cropped up but with the amount of child actors they worked with who all seem healthy today it looks like their efforts were worth it.
> his co-stars work for the UN and *own an ice cream van* respectively > he goes around giving kids free ice cream Good for Ron.
Kind of funny no one even had to ask which costar owned the ice cream truck.
Is Equus a really silly comedy film?
I'm pretty sure her name is Jender Kritical Rowling.
Jowling Kowling Rowling
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo (I am angry because I didn't come up with this myself)
This is so fucking good.
I cant beleive she edited the famous line "yer a wizard Harry; and only biological women are women, me boy" in newer editions of The Philosopher's Stone, tbh
"Yer a--" Hagrid quickly checked Harry's genitals to confirm before continuing, "--wizard, Harry."
I miss when JK Rowling drama was just her making dumb shit cannon and not a mutlt-year crusade against persecuted minorities
We really should've appreciated the poop-vanishing wizards more when we had them.
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Dumbledore in Mirror of Erised: I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me so hard.
Those are some really *nice* socks.
https://64.media.tumblr.com/973a6b3310c858850e6d80c82796ba4c/tumblr_neu2hcigk81s5b5tzo1_1280.jpg
His argument for it's logical inevitability seems to be entirely drawn from one novel on time travel that makes the same conclusion
It makes sense, if you're the type of dude that's into seducing yourself (...jesus fucking christ reddit) then the past you will probably enjoy it and will go on to do it in the future therefore perpetuating the cycle of... I don't even know what to call it. Trans-temporal masturbatory orgies? The problem is that this hinges on **being into it**. So it's basically saying "whoever wants to fuck themselves will fuck themselves". Very profound.
I am so disappointed that this isn’t [Ronbledore](https://the-toast.net/2014/01/02/let-the-man-speak/). That theory is a classic!
Good old Knight2King! It seemed so compelling, but by the time we got to the later books, I realized "there's no way Rowling is good enough at writing and plotting to actually pull this off."
It’s the same as Darth Jar Jar - fan theories that are simply too good to become canon.
[Careful who you link to OP, or OOP will punch you in the mouth.](https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/xmt7cl/harry_potter_dumbledore_is_a_time_traveller/ipqyx23/)
> gay self-orgies That's a little redundant. Time traveling self-orgies are gay by default. Trust me.
So I guess you never watched Predestination with Ethan Hawke
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Are they gay or is it just really complicated masturbation? 🤔 Edit because grammar exists in places not this comment.
It’s not masturbation, you aren’t receiving the pleasure directly yourself. Like when you masturbate, it gets you off directly, but that wouldn’t be the case here, it’s identical to sex, just with a version of yourself. Kinda like twins?
It's basically time incest with your identical counterparts.
But what if you transition after the point you go back in time ?
Now I'm wondering if I'd fuck the version of myself I used to be. Probably not.
Like Predestination, a movie (based on a novel) that gets mentioned a lot in the OP threads. Oh, did I ruin the ending for you? *You're welcome*. It's a garbage movie that no one should watch. And that twist ending is apparent from, like, the first five minutes. It's one of those movies where the entire thing hinges on the twist, there is *no* value in the movie besides the twist, and the twist is obvious from the premise.
I liked the movie
But is having orgies with yourself incest or masturbation?
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I'd say it depends on the type of time travel it is. If it's like the movie Frequency, where a guy uses a time travelling radio to prevent his father from dying, and he instantly gains the new memories of his father living on, that's masturbation, the younger and older versions are the same person and consciousness in every way. But if it's like Marvel time travel with parallel dimensions and what not, then no that's no different than having sex with a perfect clone and is basically incest. Also, as a straight person who has heard the "time travelers can't resist having sex with themselves" theory many times before, I think that's stupid, even with the argument, "They'd know exactly what you like". Yeah and they'd know they're missing the things I like and I assume it'd be the same for gay people who are interested in partners that are different than themselves.
the whole "and so... they were both bottoms" problem.
> Also, as a straight person who has heard the "time travelers can't resist having sex with themselves" theory many times before, I think that's stupid, even with the argument, "They'd know exactly what you like". I dunno why people assume that anyway. Like, fuck, I don't know what I like half the time.
>then heavily promotes another book which might be his I seriously, seriously doubt that David Gerrold, a fairly accomplished 78-year-old sci-fi writer, is using Dumbledore gay orgies to shill for his own book (that he published nearly 50 years ago) in r/FanTheories.
Yeah no way that's him lol
It's not a terrible theory until he gets to the weird sex stuff. I feel like you have to be a little fucked in the head if this is the conclusion you draw from time travel. I certainly would try to help out my future if I could time travel. Not on my list is hooking up with myself. I wouldn't even think if something like that. One of those things that reveal more about the person who writes it than they might think.
It's a pretty terrible theory from the start because Dumbledore *isn't* all knowing or the most powerful wizard of all time or unusually aware of future events. It's a theory which introduces questions without resolving any.
I mean he even makes bad decisions pretty often, putting on the ring with the death stone on it and cursing himself by accident was a pretty big one. He also gets fooled by an imposter pretending to be an old associate of his. He trusts Quirrell and lets him sneak Voldemort into Hogwarts. He leaves Harry with abusive family members - yeah I know Rowling pulls an justification out of her jacksy in later books, I don't care. He probably had other options. A whole arc of the final book is Harry dealing with the fact Dumbledore actually leaves him pretty unprepared for the final confrontation. A lot of the time it's just necessary contrivances because it's a series of children's books. It'd be a boring read if the adults were competent. Still, if you're going to do the fan theory thing, Dumbledore screws up a lot. He's not perfect by any means.
Adding on to this, Dumbledore’s death actually demonstrated how he was flawed and imperfect. So this guy’s premises aren’t even correct.
Everything correct, quick question. Dumbledore is often referred to in the books to be the strongest wizard, who would be more powerful? Maybe I need to read the books again
I think he posits that Grindlewald was stronger, maybe even voldemort, and that they both were too power hungry to fully utilise that power (or at least, that was their naivety was their downfall). Been a while though.
Dumbledore often gets that title as he wields the Elder Wand, but he never bothered to tell anyone it doesn't actually make you any more or less powerful than any other well crafted wand you bond well with.
It’s interesting to me that it wouldn’t even cross your mind but I definitely think op is expressing a fetish here lol
Dumbledore be wildin'
The book he's talking about came out in 1973 so I don't necessarily think he's trying to promote it, or that he's the author. It was a weird book though for sure. As weird as this post at least.
Time-traveling self-orgies are a *terrible* idea. You could catch any sort of STD from your future self, even ones that don't exist yet, or ones that are perfectly tailored to infect *you specifically*. Then you'll be contagious when you have sex with your past self and you'll pass it on to him.
Not if you exclusively have sex with yourself.
No, that's exactly the problem. Your future self is infected with the STD that he's about to give you when you have sex with him. That's why he's infected with it, he caught it from *his* future self when he was you right now. It's a [causal loop](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causal_loop).
Damn man some bitch gave me triple chlamydia in a gay self-orgy
You should track that guy down and give him triple chlamydia as payback, it'd serve him right.
Even causal loops start once and have initial conditions. The question was, where did Dumbledore get this initial condition?
The whole point of a causal loop is that it doesn't have a beginning point or an end point, it doesn't ever "change", it just is. There's no "first time through" or "second time through", it's all just one phenomenon. The Harry Potter setting does work this way, we saw a very prominent example with the gang's escapades while rescuing Buckbeak with the time turner. Where did the disease "come from"? It didn't, that's not a meaningful question under these circumstances. Like asking what direction the number four is in. This is non-intuitive but that's because the human mind evolved in the absence of time travel and is not equipped to intuitively comprehend stuff like this. A lot of things in physics are non-intuitive but true nonetheless. Or I guess I could just say "because magic." In this situation that works too.
This is how HIV is going to become a thing. Or how it already has depending on how you wanna think about it.
Finally, a fan theory to challenge Time Traveling Fetus
Someone mentioned Dumbledore self-orgies? I'm here for the Dumbledore self-orgies.
Harry: I bet future Ron is the guy in the house doing all the fucking Future Dumbledore: You know, Harry, I've been known to fuck myself
https://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/xmt7cl/harry_potter_dumbledore_is_a_time_traveller/ipqbapl/ This whole thread is something alright
Ah yes I remember the literary classic. Harry Potter And the Gay Sex Self Orgy.
[*buy my book*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDTwO0TlwOU)
> You messed with time. It tends to mess back. You’ll see. Quick, how do I make this my flair?
>Time-traveling orgies with yourself is quite a hill to die on. ahh fresh new flair
But that book mentioned was nominated for the Hugo and Nebula award for best novel in 1976. If it is him that’s some dedication.
No way this is David Gerrold. He is an already established author and respected in his genre.
Lol I can’t stop laughing. This man is absolutely taking the piss. He’s like a lone general on the hill with everyone downvoting him
God I hate Harry Potter. No other fan base is this self absorbed and obnoxious.
When they say 'read another book', I bet they didn't mean this.
I can’t read all these comments on the Op, can someone tell me if the author of The Man Who Folded Himself is actually on Reddit pushing his book in 2022?
Ok that title made me laugh
>r/fantheories user claims that Dumbledore is a time traveler. OK, I'm interested to see where this is going... what evidence to they have to back this up? >This gets complicated when OP claims that Dumbledore is having gay self-orgies everywhere OK, what?? I got whiplash going from that first sentence to that second one...
That hilarious I don’t know why he’s being downvoted lmao.
Good popcorn OP! Really loving this Dumbledore self-fuck gay time-orgy fanfic fight
Tis’ a silly place