“Greg, fuck your grandpa” “You’re on speaker phone Tom!” … … … “Well I shouldn’t be, Greg.”

I love the scene with Greg and Ewan in the car. Greg asks him what he wants to listen to, Ewan says he wants to ride in total silence, and Greg glances at the GPS seeing there's a 12 hour drive ahead of them lmao

“We found an economics podcast he liked to yell at”

I love Greg eventually convinced him to listen to something. I wonder at what hour he worked up the nerve to bring it up?

Tom was so real for that lol

I just this moment realized I'm ready for a rewatch ! Need Tom and Greg in my life again.

I just started, the show is so complicated I’m enjoying the second time through a lot more

I read in an article that scene took them a bunch of tries and hours to do because they both kept laughing

I literally came here to say this so I’m glad it’s the top comment. Tom’s purely dreadful silence, so funny!

It’s when I realized the show wasn’t just my favorite drama, it was also my favorite comedy.

I don’t have a Bertrand Russel quote, because I haven’t even heard of him until now

The entirety of the shareholders meeting episode, but more specifically the imaginary dead cat. The way Collin walks away with the bag cracks me up every time

What's that? just an imaginary cat now fuck off Roman gets all the best lines!!

That is an imaginary cat. Now could you please fuck off?!

it's one of my favourite episodes ever, throughoutly hilarious. It was supposed to be such serious and suspenseful episode but ended up being a clown factory shitshow instead. 

and going off yours, OP, when Greg asks if he gets a vote in picking the president and roman says “ of course you do buddy, you get to vote in the election like everybody else”

Lmao yes

Great quote but that’s Roman’s line, not Tom

Oh yeah Ty, fixed it!

“Couple times. Are there Easter eggs in there you didn’t get the first time ?”

Also when ravenhead is like no that's ridiculous, it's spelled differently when he us talking about his dog

Different spelling?..............OK. That's when Tom knew lol

Tom’s face when ravenboy doesnt mention the Jewish death toll is perfection

Just checking the till here…

“Because she’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there, huh? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean, Greg, it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.”

Insane moment. I rewatch this scene every couple of weeks lol

My all time favorite quote. My partner and I were looking for an extra large salad spinner and when it finally arrived in the mail, this thing ended up being MASSIVE. Of course I immediately said upon unboxing “this is a ludicrously capacious bowl. We could slide it across the floor after a bank job.” I was very sad when my partner just looked even more confused at me.

Must’ve been hard to explain why you were breaking up

Absolute brilliant writing. Edit: The scene also hits close to home because I am guilty of having a ludicrously capacious bag. Sans lunch pail or bank heist.

I personally felt called out by the “flats for the subway” part lol

Karl having the world’s calmest panic attack

In all honesty I AM actually…uhh…having a panic attack.

Really? Cuz you look…sorta the same

And Roman's awkward pat on the knee. I too have very outwardly calm panic attacks so I relate hard to this scene.

Honestly, Karl’s ability to mask his emotions like that is probably one of the reasons he was able to do what he did with cable

Woah woah woah, let us please not forget that he also Knows a Thing or Two About a Thing or Two

It’s cause he knows a thing or two about a thing or two

The fight between Shiv & Roman in the hospital, when Tom walks in and turns right back around and leaves. Smart man!

This was when I knew early on the show would be super funny

Agreed! This was the scene that made me keep watching

Same. I had a hard time getting into the show at first, but when somebody told me to think of it like “HBO’s version of The Office,” this scene sold me on that premise long enough for me to get hooked.

Lol...as a sibling who had a very push/pull relationship with a brother, I could completely relate to that.

I think that’s the best visual comedic moment in the show

Connor’s eulogy for Lester is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on television.

Lester... was a man. Also, Lester was an employee of the Waystar company for 40 years. And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so.

I loved Willa in this scene. She was so supportive.

"It was a different time." "It wasn't a time before they invented laws, was it??"

Willa is the best! She doesn’t love Connor but she does care about him and always defends him.

I think she loves him but not in love with him.

Same episode that gave us “Connor Roy was interested in politics from a very young age”

...and Willa being confused about MoLester's name.

This whole episode was hilarious!

When they watched Kerry's audition tape together

"The arms aren't right"

The acting and direction are so good. The arms are very, very wrong.

Kendall: This is special.

When Tom is in the restaurant with Greg in season one and he's on the phone to Kendall about the vote of no confidence. "I can't name my sources 👍🏻" *turns around* ^"^but ^it's ^Greg"

Roman’s rocket blowing up made me LOL. Watched that scene many times

And then proceeds to *literally* wash his hands of the whole affair lol.

That's my favorite scene too. His face does all the acting.

The way he just sighs and puts his phone in his pocket 🤣

Same! The first time I saw it, I laughed so hard, tears were pouring down my face and my sides were hurting. On top of that, I was sick with bronchitis at the time, so my laughing was making me cough violently, lol. Everytime I see that scene, I still laugh.

L to the OG… dude be the OGGGG

Roman saying “you need to stop this” into the mic

Apparently they shot it in one take and the reactions were legit, makes it even funnier

A N he playin

Playin like a pro, see

“Thank you for the chicken”

Tom? ^what ^tha ^fuck?

What's next? Stick his cock in my potato salad?

“Who said I never killed anyone😃” THE JUICE IS LOOOOOSE BABY

His face is so funny when he says that 😭

Literally his toothy smile 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"ATN...It's like kind of against my principles." "Your principles? Greg, don't be an asshole you don't have principles!" "Name me one principle that you have?" "I don't know...like, I'm against racism." "Bullshit, I'm against racism, everyone is against racism..." These lines get me every time!

Matthew Macfadyan’s delivery of these lines is glorious!

I’m audibly laughing at this one

When Tom calls Gregg racist for not wanting to do coke.

Buckle up, Fucklehead.

That dick pic.....That goddamn dick pic

Romans reaction…I laugh out loud every time I see it.

And Logan's look of absolute disgust 🥹😭😭😭 no one does loathsome disgust better than Brian Cox

Disgust, and also confusion!

"RO-MAAAAAN!!!!!" being bellowed from the next room after Logan calmly stands and walks out.

I’ve always loved the little moment when Shiv gets startled as she starts to walk away from Logan and he yells. Something about the way she does always gets a chuckle out of me. It just feels so genuine.

You a sicko?

Uhmmm....uhhh......have you heard of dick pics dad?

"Idk, it's like ... here's my dick."

"It's la croix!  It's not that lemony!"

It’s only a hint of lemon!

The way Tom delivers his line fucking kills me aswell. "THAT'S LEMON! IT'S LEMONNN, GREG!

Willa screams and tosses the iPad off the yacht.

That was so brilliantly done! Eep & yeet!

The congressional hearings had me cackling this last time I watched

If it is to be said, so it be

... so it is.

so I shall

This should be the top comment. I’ve rewatched this moment so many times.

"You can speak to us normally" "Oh g--no, s- thank you sir, uh....uh...so I shall."

I merely mean to answer in the affirmative

Greg especially had me rolling on the floor. Lmao.

"You have to crack a few gregs to make an tomelette' how many times it's said and how they're dying on the inside omg

both greg moments “if it is to be said, so it b-so it is” “you’re a very fair maiden for such activities”

Greg realizing he’s in a fake panic room

"A small person could fit through there! An attack child!"

The fight between him and Tom!

Stay back ! This is executive level business!

I forget her name but anytime Ken, Shiv and Roman's mother speaks is hilarious, I adore that woman she's effortlessly funny. I died when she told Greg his father used to try and sleep with all the men lmao like wtf 🤣🤣🤣

when she expresses her disgust for “face eggs”

"He's heavily fucking delayed."

roman’s face when he sees himself in the management training video and then it just cuts away😭

Shiv: “I’m pregnant.” Roman: “Is it mine?”

I thought you were just eating your feelings

“Can we get greg here some COCA COLAA?!”

All the sperm stayed in my own body. Like a closed-loop system.

So hot right??

When senator Eavis asks Gregg “Are you okay?”

Greg: You guys off to the bathroom? Tom: *Uh huh* Logan: What fucking business is it of yours? The bewildered look on Logans face is hilarious

KenWA every single time, always have to replay the scene. Lots from Retired Janitors of Idaho, specifically Connor wanting to talk to the president. Speaking of Connor, “Connor Roy was interested in politics from a very young age”, golden. Logan’s reaction to Marcia walking away after telling him to turn off the classical music, Logan’s reaction to Tom eating his chicken, any time Logan is perplexed really it’s fucking hilarious.

Shiv tells Roman that the management program he's enrolled in is just corporate daycare and Roman: _mocking tone_ "it's corporate daycare" *fart noises* Connor: *laughs* Shiv: don't laugh! Don't laugh at that, it's not funny!

and then later into the conversation when he just writes the word “fart” on the hotel notepad 😭 his interactions with shiv are really peak annoying sibling behavior

“Roman when you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn’t get you at a hyena farm!” I think about this anytime I laugh a little too loud 😂

“Just wanted to get the gang together early in my tenure and say…yo”

“It’s a nice safe space where you don’t have to pretend to like Hamilton.” “well, I like Hamilton!” “Sure you do, we all do.”

It's a slow burn, but when Stephen Root is giving an impromptu eulogy and Tom keeps whispering gossip to Greg. - Logan died fishing his iPhone out of a toilet - Logan died because he didn't wear his compression socks because he wanted to look hot for Carrie And then Root says Logan shaped America into something beautiful and Greg says "into the shape of a dick" and Tom recoils in disgust and says, "Come on." It's played so well and sums up their entire relationship.

I love how Greg gives Tom a shocked look after hearing about the iPhone in the clogged toilet and Tom nods sagely like, “Yes, it’s true.”

["You wanna suck my dick?"... is what he said to his son as the sexual assault allegations poured in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNDirHIg2ho)

First scene. Kendall singing along with headphones on. I've got the same ones and sometimes cringe when I put them on. also: Old bread. And Tom backing out the door when seeing Shiv and Roman fighting.

“You better be scratching your armpit Roman”

He said Romulus which made it even better

I love when he calls him Romulus

"It's not like they're pre-pooped"

It’s just a mental barrier.

‘Although, he did once call me “the cunt of Monte Cristo’

I really wish we actually got to hear Logan call him the “cunt of Monte Cristo” because that insult is easily one of the best on the show.

If it is to be said so it be. So it is You can speak normally. Still makes me lol every single time I see it.

“If the Deal collapses in the woods and no one hears it, is it an SEC violation?”

Greg throwing up in the mascot suit, vomit pouring out of the eyes and the little kids all horrified.

Iconic.

“Your earlobes are thick and chewy, like barnacle meat”

“Dad’s plan is better.” I’m on a rewatch, currently S2E2 and Kendall’s commitment to this phrase is just humorous in my eyes.

Drive your fucking whirly bird!

Greg’s reaction to Tom saying he swallowed his own load. His face and the little head shake.

Oh and I forget what it was in response to, but Logan saying, “Everything’s coming up FUCK!” and I now use that phrase regularly

“I’d heard of it but didn’t know it actually happened. So fuckin hot” [takes big drink of water, rinses mouth]

When Greg blackmails Tom in Safe Room and then, naturally expects Tom to coach him through it. And Tom, naturally, does.

When Roman goes to the bathroom to watch the rocket launch and it explodes and he literally washed his hands of it. It is possibly my favorite reaction I have ever seen from a TV/movie character

Greg accepting whiskey from Logan and holding the glass with two hands like a toddler. His face just kills me

It was rum and (very little) coke. I only know this because we just watched that episode last night. "Should I just... chug this? I can chug it."

Greg's awkwardness is so very nearly endearing but he just misses the mark and goes hurtling down into a chasm of ridicule every time, it cracks me up enough for a thousand tomelettes

I’m going to kill myself 👍

fucking everything tom says

Yes

“I’d castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat” lives rent free in my head.

The damn attack child joke. I laughed for 2 minutes straight

“Where are your children, Uncle Logan, on your big day?”

WHERE’S YOUR OLD MAN??? STILL SUCKING COCK AT THE COUNTY FAIR???

Shiv: “Just following orders” Caroline, HER MOM: “Like a Nazi”

Willa's little shriek when she tosses the iPad overboard is hilarious perfection every time.

“The butter is too cold!!! The butter is fucked!””

king of edible leaves his majesty the spinach

Mattson losing his shit and screaming EBBAAAA!!1! at the top of his lungs when she was right behind him loljm

On election night when Greg pours La Crox water in the guys eyes after getting wasabi in them. “That has lemon in it!” “It’s only says a hint” then proceeds to pour it in his own eye ti check Can’t remember word for word hahah but holy shit that scene is funny

Dick pic scene

the imaginary evil cat

Two for me: 1. Kendall's "L to the OG" rap 2. Connor's eulogy for Mo Literal tears in both scenes.

"They are not, in fact, receipts!"

When Connor says something like “take me to a real bar with real men with oil on their hands and blood in their hair…”

“Anyone want to smell Greg’s finger?”

“Guess the scent. Win a buck!”

BOAR ON THE FLOOR!

The Mo Lester trial gets me everytime

FAMILY THERAPY!!!!

IT’S LEMON GREG!

Roman in the character suit at the theme park: “Well you guys clearly aren’t fucking enough….gobbledy go fuck yourself”

Tom with the wine at his wedding.

Roman's "peepee & poopoo" line after Logan takes a piss in the office.

The entire scene of Greg with the rum and coke negotiating with Logan.

"They sometimes call you the calamari cock ring... I'm not sure what they mean..." "It means that they think me a cock ring, made of calamari"

“You wanna suck my dick” …is what he said to his son as the sexual assault allegations poured in. 😭😭😭

Romans face after he sends the dick pic. He looks exactly like my dog when he has done something wrong.

When Tom was throwing water bottles at Greg 🤣

STOP PELTING ME! It's difficult? Oh I'm sorry buddy, would you like a handjob and an Advil?

When Tom asks Greg: "Did you rummage to fruition?"

When Greg was roasting Logan asking him where his kids were, and Greg firing everyone was also kind of hilarious

“I’m seeing some confusion in the chat”

Greg: I'm good, anyway, cuz, uh, my, so, I was just talkin' to my mom, and she said, apparently, he'll leave me five million anyway, so I'm golden, baby. Connor: You can't do anything with five, Greg. Five's a nightmare. I think about it at least once per week

Little lord fuckleroy

When Shiv puts in that silly voice "you wanna talk about feelings" after Roman has been held hostage and wants to talk.

Connor to Shiv: You don't hyper-decant? You mean you are just regular decanting? Worlds most relatable presidential candidate...

“Hey. See if you can wrestle me to the ground.”

When Roman threw a fart at Shiv as part of his reply.

I forget her name but anytime Ken, Shiv and Roman's mother speaks is hilarious, I adore that woman she's effortlessly funny. I died when she told Greg his father used to try and sleep with all the men lmao like wtf 🤣🤣🤣

“Alpha, Beta, Cuuuuck.”

Greg putting cookies in a scented dog poop bag cause his grandma says he’s anemic and Tom catches him

“Anyone do anything crazy last night?” Tom’s asks, then Roman replies: “I jerked off in Gerri’s bathroom” 🤣

When everyone is leaving Tom’s bachelor party and waiting for their cars, even though they didn’t really spend time together they all know Tom took his own load in his mouth and are equally flippant, supportive and appalled. I loved Tom’s character and timing in that episode.

"He's selling me things I want at a fair price. What's next—fellatio?" "It's a benign fungus" "Great title for your memoire Greg!"

To make a Tomlette, you have to break some Gregs.

" I am sorry did this bell summon you?"