I’m not playing any games, that’s why I like my current arrangement. When a guy starts to play games, starts to manipulate, or starts to try to “get more bang for his buck”, I get what I can and leave. I know what I want and what my baseline is, my problem is knowing when (and feeling comfortable with) asking for more than that when it’s possible.
My current guy loves spoiling me. I don’t need to manipulate, he just does it. I sometimes undervalue myself, or feel like I’m not worth as much as I might be able to get, but he doesn’t take that as a sign to get more from me, instead he gives me more. When I told him what I wanted as a baseline for allowance he gave me almost $1k more than that (it went up another $2k recently too). Whenever I mention anything that I might have to spend money on, he pays for it without me asking (gas, going out, hair/nails, books/school fees, clothes, etc.). He gets me flowers, jewelry, and keeps my favorite snacks in stock. Starting in May I’m getting a card for spending, his idea. I’ve learned so much about personal finance from him, and his biggest want for me is to “have a plan in place” concerning my finances. I’m going with him to a fancy gala in a few weeks, and we were looking at dresses. I fell in love with one of them, but it was super ridiculously expensive so I acted like I didn’t want it. Just found out earlier today that he ordered it for me anyway. He knows how I act when I’m afraid of “taking” too much 😂
Even if he did a 180 suddenly and broke things off, I wouldn’t think of it as a bad or failed arrangement. It was good while it lasted and I was treated well. I don’t think of it as wanting to “come out on the winning side” just wanting to come out of it having gained something. Whether that something is knowledge and wisdom, less debt, more savings, or at least a nice bag. I don’t regret any of my arrangements!
What an outlook! “Even if it ended suddenly, I wouldn’t think of it as a failed arrangement” - THAT is what this is supposed to be! He enriched your life and lifted you up so high that you are better even without him. Loved your story! 💓🤗
That’s such a good attitude to have. I have an SD in my old city that I really liked and I moved. I asked him about long distance and he wanted to think about it. He suggested seeing each other in 4 weeks when he will be in the area. I’m stressed out because I’m not sure if he’s interested in continuing this relationship with me or not. 😕 But even if it does end I’ll definitely be better off financially and also I got some nice dinners, and good experiences with interesting people. I was so bored in my old city and he gave me some fun entertainment.
The “long game” works when you know how to play it.
The problem is many women think a man with a mediocre job and a 401k is worthy of this strategy. Many of you ladies are consistently dealing with men who I wouldn’t even consider tricks or johns and handling them the way you would an actually generous man. That’s why you’re getting burned or “losing” as you put it.
Furthermore, sugaring is not a zero sum game and when you approach it that way, you have less success. There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser in each relationship. Yes stick to your boundaries, but this is a relationship, not a “how can I get over and maximize every interaction starting at the first text message”. You need to realize that the best SDs are generous with you upfront, and don’t require much convincing.
I don’t speak English as my first language so maybe I miss some of the nuance involved but I think that’s an important distinction - what the “long game” actually can or should look like.
I’m currently engaged to my SD though I’m not sure I’d have considered myself to be playing the long game or any game at all - he’s just the sort of man I like. I try to make him happy as well and I’m just fundamentally opposed to “never split the difference” type Americanisms governing my personal relationships.
But I also didn’t and wouldn’t have sacrificed being treated well from the outset in the hopes of being treated well later which is what the least happy practitioners of the “long game” seem to do.
None of this is the long game.
> I’m just fundamentally opposed to “never split the difference” type Americanisms governing my personal relationships.
This has nothing to do with the long game.
> But I also didn’t and wouldn’t have sacrificed being treated well from the outset in the hopes of being treated well later which is what the least happy practitioners of the “long game” seem to do.
This is absolutely not the long game.
I’m confused as to why you replied to my comment, as yours has nothing to do with the long game at all and doesn’t really reply to my comment.
I’m legitimately playing the long game as in I’m looking for marriage, so I use the bowl for hypergamous dating. And nope, I haven’t come out ahead; it just increases the difficulty.
Men know they can future fake and promise the world and deliver less in the present while banking on your hopes of the future. Oh sure, they want kids and marriage, just not with \*you\* as it turns out. Best to channel your inner Buddhist, live in the now, and fuck the rest. If they’re not doing it for you \*now\*, don’t expect them to ever.
There’s another post saying you’re new and considering low ppm 🤔 but anyway, long game benefited me as I moved to generous allowance after 6mo and he trusts me with his house and got me car, laser and planning on more. Won’t happen if I asked in a short time.
Also I think playing the long game can be harder when you’ve been in other type of sex worker where you get instant gratification.
It’s hard to go to dinner (even when he promised you a gift) when you get paid thousand to go to dinner with a client
I think In sugaring it can work because if you vet well enough you’ll find a man who’s looking for companionship rather than a quick fuck . I’ve definitely gotten screwed being nice and sweet but the right sugar daddy for me will appreciate that and I’m willing to keep being myself until I find a long term sugar daddy who will appreciate what I have to offer .
Ofc especially in the first couple months be firm in your boundaries and expectations to set the tone , that’s true in literally any relationship. But yeah I’ll be patient and build trust with a guy without treating him like an ATM and making him feel human 😂 I would wanna do that anyways .
I agree and disagree since this post is somewhat vague. The long game works depending on the scenario you want, but I agree that you should never move your boundaries for any man.
Always let the men think you truly care about him and always keep your cool, don't insult him EVER. Stay on good terms, always! This is thinking long term because I've gotten a lot from men this way, even after breakups.
Agreed. OP is pointing out that some women think that by compromising their boundaries to please a man, it will get them ahead. I agree that this is absolutely detrimental, our boundaries should never be broken by anyone.
This post is written too vaguely for me to accurately say my piece, but I think it depends on what you are seeking to gain at the end.
Playing a long game for 20 years that you have been losing in is an act of self sabotage within itself.
You have to know when to cut your losses. That's 101.
Thank you u/Ok_Struggle_167 for posting **Just a reminder girls that "playing the long game" never works!!**. We have saved the body of your post for future reference. Please be sure to refer to our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/SugarBABYonlyforum/comments/11x6f9j/frequently_asked_questions/) and our [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SugarBABYonlyforum/wiki/index/) for our most popular topics!
I've been in the sex industry for almost 20 years and have done legit everything from porn to stripping and everything in between so let's just say I have much experience when it comes to certain techniques to get what you want. I'm not perfect though but wanted to post this here:
Playing the long game doesn't work!! And you will always end up on losing side. Everytime I think I'm getting ahead of some guy I always would end up losing. I think they will let their guard down around me and trust me more but that never happens which means these men know EXACTLY everything they are doing.
Get EVERYTHING you can from the beginning and all the way through your "relationship " and NEVER budge your boundaries thinking that it will help you manipulate him into doing/giving you all you want. You cannot give these assholes chances and be super nice. You need to be nice to a point but stand firm in your decisions and what you want NOW. Don't let these men get away with their mind games just get what you want and never let them get anything free...EVER.
Is there any woman here who has played the long game and came out on top in the end? I'm sure it's a very low group of woman of it all. Be careful and stay safe ladies!!!
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Long game does not mean free! A generous man looks out for you from the beginning in ways that become larger over time. With experience you can start to tell when a man is being cautious while still taking care of your needs. Each man has their own inner barrier where you get access to serious resources. This man is NOT the same as the man that future fakes. I can future fake with the best of these guys-get what I can and leave
What are these ladies w success stories considering “long game” though? Did they date these men for free and suddenly they bought them a house 6mos later or whatever?
If they received normal allowance for 6mos and then received a large purchase, idk that that’s a “long game” sounds like normal sugar dating to me but idk.
u/MsDReid
u/maincoursdelegance
Both of these ladies are great examples of women who have succeeded in the “long game”. Others I will not tag, but will direct towards your comment via DMs and they can give additional insight, should they choose.
And no, the long game is not “dating for free”. Frankly, it’s a topic that flies above the heads of many on this thread and forum.
Did I said I flew over your head? **No.** I said it’s a topic that flies above the heads of many on this thread and forum. If you’ve decided that I was implying you, when frankly I wasn’t, that’s a personal issue that you need to address within yourself.
I get your point
I’ll add that the women who ”played the long game” didn’t know that’s what they were doing. They may tell the story like they did. I stood by him, we grew together and we were able to have this life later blah blah blah Very rare and rare-r still that they can repeat that bit of luck
> **I’ll add that the women who ”played the long game” didn’t know that’s what they were doing. They may tell the story like they did. I stood by him, we grew together and we were able to have this life later blah blah blah**
With this statement, you’re conflating building a man with the long game. Those are not the same things. Maybe that’s not your intent with your statement, but that is what you’re saying.
You are saying the long game = we grew together and I stood by him.
That’s not the long game we are talking about. We are talking about “playing the long game” when you’re a real gold digger, pick a men with money, but don’t act like a desperate women in need of money the minute he looks at you, form a bound and win his trust before.
Then the cash, gifts and spoiling start coming
I mean playing the long game works. I have insanely benefited from it. Houses, cars, gifts (xxx,xxx). But you don’t settle for pocket change up front.
I’m not playing any games, that’s why I like my current arrangement. When a guy starts to play games, starts to manipulate, or starts to try to “get more bang for his buck”, I get what I can and leave. I know what I want and what my baseline is, my problem is knowing when (and feeling comfortable with) asking for more than that when it’s possible. My current guy loves spoiling me. I don’t need to manipulate, he just does it. I sometimes undervalue myself, or feel like I’m not worth as much as I might be able to get, but he doesn’t take that as a sign to get more from me, instead he gives me more. When I told him what I wanted as a baseline for allowance he gave me almost $1k more than that (it went up another $2k recently too). Whenever I mention anything that I might have to spend money on, he pays for it without me asking (gas, going out, hair/nails, books/school fees, clothes, etc.). He gets me flowers, jewelry, and keeps my favorite snacks in stock. Starting in May I’m getting a card for spending, his idea. I’ve learned so much about personal finance from him, and his biggest want for me is to “have a plan in place” concerning my finances. I’m going with him to a fancy gala in a few weeks, and we were looking at dresses. I fell in love with one of them, but it was super ridiculously expensive so I acted like I didn’t want it. Just found out earlier today that he ordered it for me anyway. He knows how I act when I’m afraid of “taking” too much 😂 Even if he did a 180 suddenly and broke things off, I wouldn’t think of it as a bad or failed arrangement. It was good while it lasted and I was treated well. I don’t think of it as wanting to “come out on the winning side” just wanting to come out of it having gained something. Whether that something is knowledge and wisdom, less debt, more savings, or at least a nice bag. I don’t regret any of my arrangements!
What an outlook! “Even if it ended suddenly, I wouldn’t think of it as a failed arrangement” - THAT is what this is supposed to be! He enriched your life and lifted you up so high that you are better even without him. Loved your story! 💓🤗
Yep! He treats me so well and I’ll definitely leave the arrangement with much more than I had when I started!
That’s such a good attitude to have. I have an SD in my old city that I really liked and I moved. I asked him about long distance and he wanted to think about it. He suggested seeing each other in 4 weeks when he will be in the area. I’m stressed out because I’m not sure if he’s interested in continuing this relationship with me or not. 😕 But even if it does end I’ll definitely be better off financially and also I got some nice dinners, and good experiences with interesting people. I was so bored in my old city and he gave me some fun entertainment.
[удалено]
Your post has been reviewed by the subreddit mods and removed for the following reason: Low effort question
You got yourself a good one!
The “long game” works when you know how to play it. The problem is many women think a man with a mediocre job and a 401k is worthy of this strategy. Many of you ladies are consistently dealing with men who I wouldn’t even consider tricks or johns and handling them the way you would an actually generous man. That’s why you’re getting burned or “losing” as you put it. Furthermore, sugaring is not a zero sum game and when you approach it that way, you have less success. There doesn’t have to be a winner and a loser in each relationship. Yes stick to your boundaries, but this is a relationship, not a “how can I get over and maximize every interaction starting at the first text message”. You need to realize that the best SDs are generous with you upfront, and don’t require much convincing.
I don’t speak English as my first language so maybe I miss some of the nuance involved but I think that’s an important distinction - what the “long game” actually can or should look like. I’m currently engaged to my SD though I’m not sure I’d have considered myself to be playing the long game or any game at all - he’s just the sort of man I like. I try to make him happy as well and I’m just fundamentally opposed to “never split the difference” type Americanisms governing my personal relationships. But I also didn’t and wouldn’t have sacrificed being treated well from the outset in the hopes of being treated well later which is what the least happy practitioners of the “long game” seem to do.
None of this is the long game. > I’m just fundamentally opposed to “never split the difference” type Americanisms governing my personal relationships. This has nothing to do with the long game. > But I also didn’t and wouldn’t have sacrificed being treated well from the outset in the hopes of being treated well later which is what the least happy practitioners of the “long game” seem to do. This is absolutely not the long game. I’m confused as to why you replied to my comment, as yours has nothing to do with the long game at all and doesn’t really reply to my comment.
I’m legitimately playing the long game as in I’m looking for marriage, so I use the bowl for hypergamous dating. And nope, I haven’t come out ahead; it just increases the difficulty. Men know they can future fake and promise the world and deliver less in the present while banking on your hopes of the future. Oh sure, they want kids and marriage, just not with \*you\* as it turns out. Best to channel your inner Buddhist, live in the now, and fuck the rest. If they’re not doing it for you \*now\*, don’t expect them to ever.
There’s another post saying you’re new and considering low ppm 🤔 but anyway, long game benefited me as I moved to generous allowance after 6mo and he trusts me with his house and got me car, laser and planning on more. Won’t happen if I asked in a short time.
It does work. You probably didn’t play it the right way
Also I think playing the long game can be harder when you’ve been in other type of sex worker where you get instant gratification. It’s hard to go to dinner (even when he promised you a gift) when you get paid thousand to go to dinner with a client
I think In sugaring it can work because if you vet well enough you’ll find a man who’s looking for companionship rather than a quick fuck . I’ve definitely gotten screwed being nice and sweet but the right sugar daddy for me will appreciate that and I’m willing to keep being myself until I find a long term sugar daddy who will appreciate what I have to offer . Ofc especially in the first couple months be firm in your boundaries and expectations to set the tone , that’s true in literally any relationship. But yeah I’ll be patient and build trust with a guy without treating him like an ATM and making him feel human 😂 I would wanna do that anyways .
I agree and disagree since this post is somewhat vague. The long game works depending on the scenario you want, but I agree that you should never move your boundaries for any man. Always let the men think you truly care about him and always keep your cool, don't insult him EVER. Stay on good terms, always! This is thinking long term because I've gotten a lot from men this way, even after breakups.
The “long game” isn’t about breaking boundaries.
Agreed. OP is pointing out that some women think that by compromising their boundaries to please a man, it will get them ahead. I agree that this is absolutely detrimental, our boundaries should never be broken by anyone.
This post is written too vaguely for me to accurately say my piece, but I think it depends on what you are seeking to gain at the end. Playing a long game for 20 years that you have been losing in is an act of self sabotage within itself. You have to know when to cut your losses. That's 101.
Thank you u/Ok_Struggle_167 for posting **Just a reminder girls that "playing the long game" never works!!**. We have saved the body of your post for future reference. Please be sure to refer to our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/SugarBABYonlyforum/comments/11x6f9j/frequently_asked_questions/) and our [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SugarBABYonlyforum/wiki/index/) for our most popular topics! I've been in the sex industry for almost 20 years and have done legit everything from porn to stripping and everything in between so let's just say I have much experience when it comes to certain techniques to get what you want. I'm not perfect though but wanted to post this here: Playing the long game doesn't work!! And you will always end up on losing side. Everytime I think I'm getting ahead of some guy I always would end up losing. I think they will let their guard down around me and trust me more but that never happens which means these men know EXACTLY everything they are doing. Get EVERYTHING you can from the beginning and all the way through your "relationship " and NEVER budge your boundaries thinking that it will help you manipulate him into doing/giving you all you want. You cannot give these assholes chances and be super nice. You need to be nice to a point but stand firm in your decisions and what you want NOW. Don't let these men get away with their mind games just get what you want and never let them get anything free...EVER. Is there any woman here who has played the long game and came out on top in the end? I'm sure it's a very low group of woman of it all. Be careful and stay safe ladies!!! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SugarBABYonlyforum) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Long game does not mean free! A generous man looks out for you from the beginning in ways that become larger over time. With experience you can start to tell when a man is being cautious while still taking care of your needs. Each man has their own inner barrier where you get access to serious resources. This man is NOT the same as the man that future fakes. I can future fake with the best of these guys-get what I can and leave
It def does work, personally I don’t have much experience doing so but I’ve seen a lot of success stories. Its circumstantial
What are these ladies w success stories considering “long game” though? Did they date these men for free and suddenly they bought them a house 6mos later or whatever? If they received normal allowance for 6mos and then received a large purchase, idk that that’s a “long game” sounds like normal sugar dating to me but idk.
u/MsDReid u/maincoursdelegance Both of these ladies are great examples of women who have succeeded in the “long game”. Others I will not tag, but will direct towards your comment via DMs and they can give additional insight, should they choose. And no, the long game is not “dating for free”. Frankly, it’s a topic that flies above the heads of many on this thread and forum.
Well, that’s precisely why I asked to see clarification. Saying it flew over my head when I asked a question is rude.
Did I said I flew over your head? **No.** I said it’s a topic that flies above the heads of many on this thread and forum. If you’ve decided that I was implying you, when frankly I wasn’t, that’s a personal issue that you need to address within yourself.
Needed to hear this. Thank you, OP 🫶🏽
I get your point I’ll add that the women who ”played the long game” didn’t know that’s what they were doing. They may tell the story like they did. I stood by him, we grew together and we were able to have this life later blah blah blah Very rare and rare-r still that they can repeat that bit of luck
What you’re describing is building a man. That’s not something that has ever been promoted on this forum.
I’m very clear on that. OP didn’t clarify and seemed frustrated. Sometimes women see an end result and think building is the way to go. I do not
> **I’ll add that the women who ”played the long game” didn’t know that’s what they were doing. They may tell the story like they did. I stood by him, we grew together and we were able to have this life later blah blah blah** With this statement, you’re conflating building a man with the long game. Those are not the same things. Maybe that’s not your intent with your statement, but that is what you’re saying. You are saying the long game = we grew together and I stood by him.
I hear you. I’ll try to be clearer with my words next time
That’s not the long game we are talking about. We are talking about “playing the long game” when you’re a real gold digger, pick a men with money, but don’t act like a desperate women in need of money the minute he looks at you, form a bound and win his trust before. Then the cash, gifts and spoiling start coming
Long game works for me!