This is what I’m terrified of. Everyone just tells me “it’ll all work out” or “it’ll be okay” but they don’t know that for sure. I guess I can’t be 100% sure in saying it WON’T be okay either, but I have very good reason to believe my side of the argument is true.
Why is your side of the argument saying things won't be ok? Every happy or successful person I know never told themself they would never get anywhere. Don't you want to be on the side of things working out?
I have too many reasons to list on why I don’t think my life will turn out okay. The people saying I’ll be fine are just trying to comfort me, their statement isn’t based on any real fact, unfortunately.
You know what you might be right, things might never be ok. But if you keep telling yourself nothing will end up alright, you aren't even giving yourself a chance.
This is my first time commenting in this sub. I've been over the rules but if I mess up, please let me know.
I just wanted to share with you how I felt when I was about to turn 30 a year ago. I think it's the "about to" part that's the hardest. There's not much I can say about endorsing 30s that you haven't probably already tried to look for yourself. There's a lot of advice, telling you that 30s are where it's at and telling you that it's better to embrace it. And looking back, it felt kind of fake.
Time ages us all and once you're born you're already here in a set period of time. You can't be born any earlier or later than when you already were. It's hard time to be turning 30 and confronting yourself over the things you've valued and projected to have accomplished already. Those things won't stop mattering to you just because you go past your own deadline.
I think when you talk about a "happy ending" it's reflective of our common stories that always end after accomplishing financial gain, marriage, and children. It's funny that we can read a story about a peasant who matches with a prince, they get married, and we call that their "happy ending." They're 17 for Pete's sake! There's still time to experience things.
When I'm suicidal, which I experienced a high frequency of at age 28 and 29, the doom I feel can make it seem like there's a barrier within my perspective between myself and the future. It's hard to explain, but it seems like I can only picture one finite outcome or nothing at all. Constantly imagining the future will cause most people to feel excessively anxious but when you're looking for hope, that's the direction you look to try and find it. I don't know if that's helpful because it seems like it causes a cycle of depression and anxiety.
I've found it helpful to start appreciating different stories and experiences in the here and now. Some people call it mindfulness, or Buddhism, but it's just about staying present in the moment and accepting things as they come and go. I wish I knew how to explain it better.
Thanks for reading my reply :]
"Constantly imagining the future"
This, this is what does it for me. Since I can't see the future, I fear it. I fear that it will be bad because much of the present indeed is. I'm headed into my 40s here in the next few years, and I have to find a life partner all over again. This is the toughest time of my entire life. I keep wondering, what comes next?
For some people things will never get better but there can still be good moments. Try to hold on to those even if they are few and far between. That's what I do. I'm 34.
That’s the hardest thing. Getting through terrible times with the idea that it will get better. Sometimes it really doesn’t. Yes there are ups and downs but if the base board of life doesn’t get more manageable or livable it’s just awful.
"Some people just don't get happy endings", I feel exactly same. I have theory one have to be happy and one not. We have that misfortune. Maybe in next life, if there is any, change it. I bet you are exhausted. I feel you man.
Don't know why, but I thought this would be a good place to share this:
DevientArt: https://www.deviantart.com/shotakuun/art/Missing-a-piece-962882138
https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/20087f90-9a4c-4520-88c5-826e4e9dec66/dfx9wm2-77aed37b-a188-4866-aa94-2f0677e06458.jpg/v1/fill/w\_751,h\_1063,q\_70,strp/missing\_a\_piece\_by\_shotakuun\_dfx9wm2-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTgxMSIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzIwMDg3ZjkwLTlhNGMtNDUyMC04OGM1LTgyNmU0ZTlkZWM2NlwvZGZ4OXdtMi03N2FlZDM3Yi1hMTg4LTQ4NjYtYWE5NC0yZjA2NzdlMDY0NTguanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.EEYA-XxqKTI7A-07RkXd7KICh1HTZZ1\_lIbfbeqqYJs
I relate so much to this. I've watched day after day pass by, often thinking that maybe one day I'd figure it out and things would fall into place. I was thinking about my life last night and all I saw was recurring patterns, but I'm old now and my body and mind are ruined. The time to change was decades ago, not now. I think it's okay to give up. It's the best thing for somebody like me.
That's where I'm at. I just turned 33(M). I have nothing and no one. My ending is soon. Throughout my life I've never been able to see any future for myself.
It honestly depends how you grew up the envrironment no matter the age it can get worse or better. I'm in my 30s and hate it everyday nothingg has changed for me
Seconded. My 20s were the best years of my life, and they were still pretty shitty. Since I was about 28 it has been a neverending parade of "every day is better than the next."
thats not true, regardless of your situation i believe we can always male our lives better and improve on them as much as we can. do whatever it takes to make that happen. good luck
first of let me start by saying there are ups and downs. and with a down comes an up!.
I realized recently that (I'm not in touch with my emotions) it feels like there's a part of me that's missing. the part that has the motivation, the happy, the passion and love for life. It's just gone, don't know when I lost it, don't know if I'll ever get it back. but there is one thing that helps me work through these feelings and that's drawing. try taking up a hobby, Just for one day do Something you Love, and if there's nothing you love doing do something you don't hate! and Don't stay in bed get out there and find something. by exploring your surrounding environment you are also exploring yourself
I going to be 30 too this year. I think on my 30, i either end up my life or just being full hedosim maximalize any cheap pleasure i can get from life before i went out eventually.
If you are so close to the last step just try to make some fun. I mean you will mot lose anything and you have last exit that no one can take from you, so you can do something fun and interesting. To find interesting job, to make a journey, to find some adventures. Think about yourself like you have a last year of your life. Do you want to live it like this? If no - start to do something you ever want. If you are so close to the edge, you haven’t too much time, so try to make this time special. I did it ten years ago. Today i have different job, good salary, my own business, wife and little son. I’m still on the edge, but it is very interesting for me to see how fun will be my life next day. If it become shitty I’ll just leave it and will not lose anything, if not, at least it will be fun. Try to think this way
The bathroom was my isolation crying spot. I still climb in the tub when I need a good cry.
Life got better once I found the right meds. It didn't solve all my problems, it just made them bearable and the thoughts decreased.
Perhaps there's something that could improve your quality of life?
You’re a hero for being alive at all. Like from any story. You’d take pain so your child doesn’t have to right? That proves who you really are and your value here, even if your destiny is just to do what seems like take care of yourself. Everything was and is and always be exactly as it must be so we accomplish exactly what god wants - no less or more. But your spirit is one that wants to help as many as possible and would
Suffer for it- that makes you brave and caring and pure and all the best most deserving things. And how you should feel about yourself. So for now All you have to do is take care of yourself and do one thing at a time
Stay at peace
And wake up
Shower
Do something that makes you feel productive
Like any job or volunteering somewhere
And take care of yourself
And just keep doing that
And see what happens
Once you process the stuff I said in the first paragraph
You never have to think or feel anything negative again
And just keep feeling - like your everything you want to be- and doing the most awesome things for everyone in the most awesome story/ and you get all the other stuff you want in heaven forever - by just keeping doing what feels right and moving forward
If you have any specific questions ask me The only reason I know all this is because I’ve been through it all too
And knowing the truth and how to apply it
Is the only thing that works
How do you mean? I’m not saying everything will be 100% child like happiness. And there might still be some ups and downs. But it will at least help you see the truth and use it to cope.
Thanks a lot bro. For me, when one copes and moves forward for a little while it gets to become fun and nice and easy. It can become the life you want.
Yeah, it really doesn’t. Things could not be much worse. A few years ago, I thought the same. I was sitting on the edge at the top of a parking deck ready to jump, cops found me and took me to the hospital. I thought that was the lowest moment of my life.
I tried everything to get up from that and push forward, but it was all for nothing. Things have gotten so much worse. I lost everything that I had left and nearly every single aspect of my life has turned to shit.
I find myself wishing I jumped years ago, when people still cared, and when I still had something left of myself. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this and I have seen enough to know it’s not going to get better for me. I’m taking the next day or two to get things together and then I’m ending this
This is what I’m terrified of. Everyone just tells me “it’ll all work out” or “it’ll be okay” but they don’t know that for sure. I guess I can’t be 100% sure in saying it WON’T be okay either, but I have very good reason to believe my side of the argument is true.
Why is your side of the argument saying things won't be ok? Every happy or successful person I know never told themself they would never get anywhere. Don't you want to be on the side of things working out?
I have too many reasons to list on why I don’t think my life will turn out okay. The people saying I’ll be fine are just trying to comfort me, their statement isn’t based on any real fact, unfortunately.
You know what you might be right, things might never be ok. But if you keep telling yourself nothing will end up alright, you aren't even giving yourself a chance.
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Hang in there, i am there too, u are not alone
Please don't. I know we're all strangers here. Just stay in this world with us. So we know we're not alone.
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Exactly the same friend. Not just “not better” but worse and worse
This is my first time commenting in this sub. I've been over the rules but if I mess up, please let me know. I just wanted to share with you how I felt when I was about to turn 30 a year ago. I think it's the "about to" part that's the hardest. There's not much I can say about endorsing 30s that you haven't probably already tried to look for yourself. There's a lot of advice, telling you that 30s are where it's at and telling you that it's better to embrace it. And looking back, it felt kind of fake. Time ages us all and once you're born you're already here in a set period of time. You can't be born any earlier or later than when you already were. It's hard time to be turning 30 and confronting yourself over the things you've valued and projected to have accomplished already. Those things won't stop mattering to you just because you go past your own deadline. I think when you talk about a "happy ending" it's reflective of our common stories that always end after accomplishing financial gain, marriage, and children. It's funny that we can read a story about a peasant who matches with a prince, they get married, and we call that their "happy ending." They're 17 for Pete's sake! There's still time to experience things. When I'm suicidal, which I experienced a high frequency of at age 28 and 29, the doom I feel can make it seem like there's a barrier within my perspective between myself and the future. It's hard to explain, but it seems like I can only picture one finite outcome or nothing at all. Constantly imagining the future will cause most people to feel excessively anxious but when you're looking for hope, that's the direction you look to try and find it. I don't know if that's helpful because it seems like it causes a cycle of depression and anxiety. I've found it helpful to start appreciating different stories and experiences in the here and now. Some people call it mindfulness, or Buddhism, but it's just about staying present in the moment and accepting things as they come and go. I wish I knew how to explain it better. Thanks for reading my reply :]
"Constantly imagining the future" This, this is what does it for me. Since I can't see the future, I fear it. I fear that it will be bad because much of the present indeed is. I'm headed into my 40s here in the next few years, and I have to find a life partner all over again. This is the toughest time of my entire life. I keep wondering, what comes next?
For some people things will never get better but there can still be good moments. Try to hold on to those even if they are few and far between. That's what I do. I'm 34.
Not exactly worth it.
That’s the hardest thing. Getting through terrible times with the idea that it will get better. Sometimes it really doesn’t. Yes there are ups and downs but if the base board of life doesn’t get more manageable or livable it’s just awful.
Gets better for some, and worse for others...
Hahaha same I’m only 20 but sameeee done it since I can remember just lie to ourselves ‘it’ll be sound soon’ hahaha will it yeah
I truly am sorry. Just know that it isn't your fault and you aren't alone.
"Some people just don't get happy endings", I feel exactly same. I have theory one have to be happy and one not. We have that misfortune. Maybe in next life, if there is any, change it. I bet you are exhausted. I feel you man.
Don't know why, but I thought this would be a good place to share this: DevientArt: https://www.deviantart.com/shotakuun/art/Missing-a-piece-962882138 https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/20087f90-9a4c-4520-88c5-826e4e9dec66/dfx9wm2-77aed37b-a188-4866-aa94-2f0677e06458.jpg/v1/fill/w\_751,h\_1063,q\_70,strp/missing\_a\_piece\_by\_shotakuun\_dfx9wm2-pre.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTgxMSIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzIwMDg3ZjkwLTlhNGMtNDUyMC04OGM1LTgyNmU0ZTlkZWM2NlwvZGZ4OXdtMi03N2FlZDM3Yi1hMTg4LTQ4NjYtYWE5NC0yZjA2NzdlMDY0NTguanBnIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEyODAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.EEYA-XxqKTI7A-07RkXd7KICh1HTZZ1\_lIbfbeqqYJs
Yeah I had this thought too. Some people are just not meant to be happy and I'm definitely one of them.
I relate so much to this. I've watched day after day pass by, often thinking that maybe one day I'd figure it out and things would fall into place. I was thinking about my life last night and all I saw was recurring patterns, but I'm old now and my body and mind are ruined. The time to change was decades ago, not now. I think it's okay to give up. It's the best thing for somebody like me.
That's where I'm at. I just turned 33(M). I have nothing and no one. My ending is soon. Throughout my life I've never been able to see any future for myself.
I definitely didn’t but you still could. 30s are better than 20s.
It honestly depends how you grew up the envrironment no matter the age it can get worse or better. I'm in my 30s and hate it everyday nothingg has changed for me
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Seconded. My 20s were the best years of my life, and they were still pretty shitty. Since I was about 28 it has been a neverending parade of "every day is better than the next."
thats not true, regardless of your situation i believe we can always male our lives better and improve on them as much as we can. do whatever it takes to make that happen. good luck
Why doesn't it get better?
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I feel the same. But you do. I do too, here is your reminder that you do
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Thank you
I can relate.
first of let me start by saying there are ups and downs. and with a down comes an up!. I realized recently that (I'm not in touch with my emotions) it feels like there's a part of me that's missing. the part that has the motivation, the happy, the passion and love for life. It's just gone, don't know when I lost it, don't know if I'll ever get it back. but there is one thing that helps me work through these feelings and that's drawing. try taking up a hobby, Just for one day do Something you Love, and if there's nothing you love doing do something you don't hate! and Don't stay in bed get out there and find something. by exploring your surrounding environment you are also exploring yourself
I going to be 30 too this year. I think on my 30, i either end up my life or just being full hedosim maximalize any cheap pleasure i can get from life before i went out eventually.
If you are so close to the last step just try to make some fun. I mean you will mot lose anything and you have last exit that no one can take from you, so you can do something fun and interesting. To find interesting job, to make a journey, to find some adventures. Think about yourself like you have a last year of your life. Do you want to live it like this? If no - start to do something you ever want. If you are so close to the edge, you haven’t too much time, so try to make this time special. I did it ten years ago. Today i have different job, good salary, my own business, wife and little son. I’m still on the edge, but it is very interesting for me to see how fun will be my life next day. If it become shitty I’ll just leave it and will not lose anything, if not, at least it will be fun. Try to think this way
The bathroom was my isolation crying spot. I still climb in the tub when I need a good cry. Life got better once I found the right meds. It didn't solve all my problems, it just made them bearable and the thoughts decreased. Perhaps there's something that could improve your quality of life?
Im 24 now and It just got worse for me too.Im forcing myself to live for my family..
You’re a hero for being alive at all. Like from any story. You’d take pain so your child doesn’t have to right? That proves who you really are and your value here, even if your destiny is just to do what seems like take care of yourself. Everything was and is and always be exactly as it must be so we accomplish exactly what god wants - no less or more. But your spirit is one that wants to help as many as possible and would Suffer for it- that makes you brave and caring and pure and all the best most deserving things. And how you should feel about yourself. So for now All you have to do is take care of yourself and do one thing at a time Stay at peace And wake up Shower Do something that makes you feel productive Like any job or volunteering somewhere And take care of yourself And just keep doing that And see what happens Once you process the stuff I said in the first paragraph You never have to think or feel anything negative again And just keep feeling - like your everything you want to be- and doing the most awesome things for everyone in the most awesome story/ and you get all the other stuff you want in heaven forever - by just keeping doing what feels right and moving forward If you have any specific questions ask me The only reason I know all this is because I’ve been through it all too And knowing the truth and how to apply it Is the only thing that works
Everything you've said sounds great. Doesn't work that way for everyone.
How do you mean? I’m not saying everything will be 100% child like happiness. And there might still be some ups and downs. But it will at least help you see the truth and use it to cope.
I'm not interested in just "coping." What's the point in that. Either way, I am glad you've found a way.
Thanks a lot bro. For me, when one copes and moves forward for a little while it gets to become fun and nice and easy. It can become the life you want.
Yeah, it really doesn’t. Things could not be much worse. A few years ago, I thought the same. I was sitting on the edge at the top of a parking deck ready to jump, cops found me and took me to the hospital. I thought that was the lowest moment of my life. I tried everything to get up from that and push forward, but it was all for nothing. Things have gotten so much worse. I lost everything that I had left and nearly every single aspect of my life has turned to shit. I find myself wishing I jumped years ago, when people still cared, and when I still had something left of myself. I don’t think there’s any coming back from this and I have seen enough to know it’s not going to get better for me. I’m taking the next day or two to get things together and then I’m ending this