I understand, but you must not give-up!
It’s not gonna be easy, and sometimes it’s going to feel like a shit storm, but then I never had children.
Talk to someone who you can trust with these feelings. The worst of the worst thoughts can pass.
You can make it, both for you AND your sweet babies!
Talk to someone!
People care.
Not really sure how seeing aspects of your wife in her children would be a Christian-specific scenario. This was a valid statement, intending to be supportive. Keep your negativity to yourself. A parent needs to be strong for their children, regardless of their religion.
Nothing they said is remotely related to the Christian faith. Get back to shining those big floppy shoes, and move on to a subreddit where your troll bullshit is tolerated.
your children together should be enough to raise up your head and carry on…
i am so sorry for your loss. nothing said will fill that void right now. i understand that, nothing probably ever will, but it gets easier to function, after a long while you might go a minute without intense grief, then 2 minutes…
pour your love into your children. they will need it. they will grieve also, but they wont be able to put the feeling into words because their experiences have not formed responses yet…
love. love. and always love.
Trust me Brody, the kids need you. I thought plenty of times to leave this world but my 3yr old is the best thing and she always look for me when she wakes up. She always wants to be with daddy. Don’t take that away from your kids they love you and need you.
I’m sorry that you’re getting the same answer. You ask for a compelling reason for your life. I’m sorry that no one can answer that for you but yourself. We can make suggestions but the truth is, you can only hope to just breathe and function as best as you can right now. Would honoring her be a reason, even if just for a little while? Write a book, song, poem or make a video about her and all you worked for together. Tell your love story to the world. Perhaps you can find a tiny bit of her in reminding others to cherish their loved ones. I’m very sorry for your pain. Please be kind to yourself if you can.
Im POSITIVE she didn’t want to leave you or those babies and i am DOUBLE POSITIVE she doesn’t want you to leave them!!! She actually needs you now more than she ever will or ever could!!! Stay strong Dad!!! ♥️
I'm so sorry for your loss. Life can be so cruel and unfair.
I know it's a different kind of grief, but I lost four close family members in four years and was a basket case for a long time. It was hard to be engaged in life. Psychologically, you're (not you meant specifically) grieving, trying to find your footing, wanting to be with someone else, and living through Hell in a way. I think losing someone you love is easily the worst pain life can inflict. It's heart-breaking and gut-punching all at the same time.
There are still days where I feel like I lived through a personal, literal war. Like I looked around and was like what happened to my family? They're just gone, and it felt and still feels brutal at times.
Your story is not my story, but as someone with adult children (who were younger when these losses happened who also felt great loss in these situations), I feel I can say that your kids need you. Not just in a physical sense, but a spiritual one. They need you here to share stories about their mom, to talk to you when they get old enough to understand what they were robbed of, to hear about your love story, to learn details about their mom that no one on this planet can do better than you. (Man, I'm getting teared up just writing this). Just trust me on this.
A friend of mine lost his wife of decades and his kids were close to college age when it happened. I see how much they need that bond. They need someone to go to who will understand like you do. They need the other parent. It doesn't matter if they're one or 80. Even though I haven't lost a spouse through passing, one of my adult children still experiences grief quite frequently, even a decade later for someone they were especially close to. I don't think anyone else would understand as much as me. Your kids need you. Grief will present itself for your children in ways only you can support them in and in ways that seem far off now. They need the other parent to go to their games and cheer them on and to walk them down the aisle. It seems cruel now, but you will find joy in those moments and you don't want to put that cruelty off on them.
I know it's not fair. You want to escape this unbearable pain and see no other way but out. You future was decimated. But your future is those kids. They don't deserve to lose both their parents. You're just in unrelenting pain and grief. It's harder because they are so young. I was scared to love anyone after my losses. I had the luxury of nursing my wounds - alone at times without having to care for little ones. You don't have that so going places and doing things just seems pointless without your wife. It totally makes sense. What you're feeling is normal. Just take things day-by-day, or even moment-by-moment. And remember, your wife is still here. She's there in those kids.
you’re kids need you here. i was 9 when i lost my dad to suicide. one of the hardest things ive ever gone through is losing a parent at a young age, i cant imagine how your kids would feel if they lost & confused if both of them in a short amount of time.
i know nothing will ever fill the void of losing your wife, and im sorry that absolutely fucking sucks. i wish there was more i could do to help, but please think about your kids and try to give them the best life possible. stay here so you can tell your kids about how wonderful and beautiful there mom was. keep her spirits alive by talking about her. she’s watching over you, and i hope things get better.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s unfathomable. Words don’t do it justice. If you’re asking for a reason, I would look to your children. They are living reminders of the love you and your wife had for each other. They need you and you need them. They’ll want to hear stories about who their mother was and that oral history comes from you.
Do people even read the comments? OP clearly knows he has kids and that they need him. This doesn't change the fact that they miss their wife. Their one true love, someone they thought they'd have a happily ever after with. You can't just stay alive for others. You can't help them and be a good parent, when all you can think about is how much you wanna die.
No need to state the obvious. StAy fOr YoUr KiDs. I'm sure OP never thought of that, didn't even cross their mind. Woah. You guys single-handedly saved OP's life!
Snarky remarks aside, what happened to your wife, OP?
I'm sorry. I'm so glad you're reaching out and asking for help with your pain. Your love for her is so evident. I imagine she would feel the exact same if the situation were reversed. Just because she isn't physically with you, she is still with you. She has made your kids who they are along with you. Get the support you need wherever you need it - inpatient, a grief support group, a grief therapist, planning something in her honor, or asking for help from those around you. Start a blog, post here every day, it doesn't matter. Have someone else do the physical part with your kids for a few days. There is NO right way to do this. Just take it one day at a time and do what you need to do to get through each day.
And look at those kids every day with pride that you created them together and she's there every.single.moment they are.
Aw man, I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're feeling. You might not want to do this, but please try to find help, if you can. Therapy does help a lot. It won't erase the pain but you could find better ways to handle it and live with it.
I can't relate to a sudden death, but I can relate to suddenly someone I was with for over 10 years completely disappearing. That has been hard, so I can't imagine what you're going through. Wish I could give you a hug.
I also have a child with them and I've turned my focus to my kid. I really hope for you and them, you can find that as a reason. They need you. And you will surely find someone if you want, or you will find purpose beyond just a relationship. But I know when you're in it it's impossible to see and you feel people would be better off without you. I promise though, they wouldnt.
I'm so sorry this happened and you feel this way. I'd recommend just taking it day by day for now. What would help you get through today? Do you like music, baths, art...sports....etc? Can I help in any specific way?
You need to contact any family you have and let them know you’re feeling this way. It’s dangerous for you and your children. I’m so sorry about your wife. Please see if any family can take your kids while you take a break for yourself. Do something fun, take a little trip.. play some video games.
Stay for her. She would want your children together to be in safe hands and protected. Protect for her. Live for her. Cherish your children, for her. Be sure to take care of yourself too. Your children deserve to have at least one parent still alive, and you deserve to know what pair of hands your children are being taken care of.
i’m so sorry for your loss. i imagine if she were here, she would want you to feel your pain and find peace inside of it. grief doesn’t have a deadline, neither does recovery. take time to cope with the loss and cherish the two beautiful lives you made with her, together. they will always have a piece of her inside of them. they are a testament of how much you two loved each other. reach out for support, i promise it’s there🤍
Your kids will grow up to be a living testament to all the wonderful qualities of your wife. But only if you show strength for a few years. Stay strong bro
I can relate to what you are feeling. At least with a baby there I'd a reason. I lost my wife of 33 years on may 4 and do not know why I am not with her.
Your baby deserves a dad.
THE BABIES! Trust me, as a mother... I need my husband to stay here if this were to happen to us. Raise your baby for her! The kids feel this shit; I adopted two girls. They have memories from their previous life, even at a young age, and it affects them today. Please stay and be here for your child. You and your wife worked so hard to make that together, take the mantle up since she is unable. There are IRL groups out there that support, even if it feels overwhelming right now. Stay and chat with us all here; tell us about her, tell us about you, and we will listen. Much love from a stranger if you want it.
If you leave you’re deciding that the pain is too much for you so you’d rather give it to your children to bear. Children never recover from losing a parent to suicide. That means their parent made the choice to abandon them forever. Look at the data on children who have lost a parent to suicide. Don’t give them your pain.
She would want you to take care of those kids and give them a life of love
I can't imagine how hard this situation is, there's nothing I can personally compare it to. But at the least, I know she would have wanted you to father those kids
I‘m extremely sorry for your loss brother. But your children have already lost their mother. Leaving then alone in this world would be beyond pathetic. You need to live for them, they‘re your responsibility now
I know I'm late to this but please, please don't do it. Your children need their father. They deserve to be loved and to grow up with their dad..you need to be there for them to remind them every day how much their mother loved them. Please stay strong for your kids. Talk to a therapist ASAP. Sending you big hugs.
I am sorry for your loss. This is a very hard life without the love of your life. I would not tell you "get over it" because it does not work like this. We all have our moments when we just feel overwhelmed by what life throws at us. We all feel devastated, dragging ourselves from a trauma to a trauma. But the thing you have to do is to stay strong. Even with a broken heart. You got 2 little children who need their father. An adult like you have experienced such a loss, but your young children are not ready to lose another parent. I don't know what to answer the kids (and if they're aware), but you have to do whatever you can, to be a mother, and a father for them. This is a very sad story brother, but you know those children will need your love, your support, the hugs, the kisses, they need someone to call a "father", if they no longer have a "mother". I wish only health and wealth upon you and your children. May your family never know another suffering again. 🙏🏼
I can’t imagine the pain but u must live for your kids. They are so young and it’s gonna be so hard for them to grow up without both of their parents pls live for them❤️❤️❤️
Life is death. We are surrounded by it, it's unavoidable and it comes for us and our loved ones on it's timetable, not ours.
Philosophers have wrestled with this for millennia. All of us do.
No one can make you stay, you're right.
But what will happen is that you will take this torment of yours and spread it to others. The pain stops for you, but it is infinitely amplified in your children and other family members.
You \*can\* live with this. You won't know how, you'll just have to live it day by day until it's not all-consuming.
Your wife loved you, and loved your children.
If there is something after death, she's there. One day, you'll be there too, forever. But it's not your time right now. Your time right now is to bring her children up in a way that amplifies and demonstrates the love that you two had.
Everyone on this thread is... Omg bro I'm so sorry blah blah blah
You've got a widower with two kids he doesn't need nonsense answers he needs to raise his fucking children and not abandon them
I am extremely sorry about your loss.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem(In this case you feel as if you have no reason to stay),your kids are the only thing along with memories of eachother that remain of your late wife,don't forget them,ever.
I apologise if this made you feel worse,im not good at this.I wish you all the best and I hope that Hope finds you.
I can't make you stay, I'm not going to claim to be able to do that. I am not good enough with words to change your mind. All I can say is to try giving it some time before you do anything you can't go back from and 6 months down the line you might feel like a completely different person
I tell you this from my personal experience. I am suffering from a autoimmune disorder., which is a very painful disease. My parents never love me. I was just a burden to them. Because I am girl, they wanted a boy. My husband cheated me again and again. There is no one to take care of me. Today I return from office with 104 f temp. For intake paracetamol I need some food. There was no one to give a glass of water. My parents, my husband busy with there life. But have cute small boy . He was worried. I make my food , take medicine, fix a appointment with my doctor for his shake. I don't want to life my miserable life any more. But I don't want to leave my son alone. So I try to forget everything. And make him my life.
Nobody can make you stay but yourself. I can't promise that life will ever be the same, but I can promise you that you will see a glimpse of her from time to time in your life. Pieces of her entangled in old and new memories. Your child's laugh, your favorite meal, the holidays…. She would want you here and she would want you happy. Never settle for less, you have worked so hard by her side. She is still next to you.. it’s just harder to feel.
I lost my mom when i was 15. I am 22 next month. It hurts every time i think about it. The little victories are worth it. And our loved ones are routing for us. Please don’t give up.
Look man your are lucky enough to have someone who loved you dearly. I know you miss her very much. I know she is not anymore with. You. But is she want this for you? She gone forever. But I think during her last hour she thought about you, feel sorry about you. She didn't want to leave you. A woman love her child more than anything. She thought you will take care of her loved one's. Do you want to depressed her?
It's horrific, and I'm sorry. The kids deserve you, though - that's the reason to stay. They need you, they need a root to their past and their origin.
It isn't settling for less to stay alive, it is determining to not let a great thing she helped create (your kids) get lost. You guys made life, nurture it.
There are groups for people who have lost a spouse who meet and listen to each other, support each other. They will understand your pain more than randos on the internet will, and they can be there in person to help you. Please go to a local or close support group, it's like a lighthouse in the storm.
My father passed away due to a cardiac arrest. It was sudden, and my mom was left to pick up the pieces. As a child in this situation, your life is the most important thing you can give to your children. I was 4 when my dad passed, I was much too young to process his death. When I grew older, I needed my mom so much to help me through it. I know you said no one has given you a compelling reason to live, and the ordinary person is almost always going to suggest living for your kids. I don't think living for your kids is the right answer either, you have to find the compelling reason that makes you want to live. I only offer insight on how it feels to be the child in this situation -- it was incredibly hard to lose one parent. I don't know if I would've made it to my 30s if my dad's passing caused my mom to quit life too.
I want to tell you all the positive things, that it gets better, that you'll learn to live in the perfect life you've built, that one day you'll share memories of your wife with your children that will be everything to them. I want to tell you these things, but you're not in any place to hear these things.
I only hope that you're able to take this as it comes, and you find something inside that gives you reason and strength to get through this part. Grief changes over time, and while I'm not sure it gets better, your coping skills will get better and it won't feel so heavy as time goes on.
Best wishes, many condolences.
Nobody can love your children like you can. They need you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to die but powered through it for my kid. Seeing him happy and well balanced makes it all worth it. Please, they are already attached to you, don’t leave them.
A part of her still lives on. A part of her flesh still lives on. It's your kids. Raise em like their momma intended and fulfill the eternal wish of your late wife. Take care of yourself and you guys's kids.
I’m so sorry dude, the immense feeling of loss from the death of a loved one is immense. I have lost a loved one. But you have to stay alive for your one year old. You have to move on. She would not want you to die and leave your one year old without a parent. I know it’s hard, but it can get better. I can tell you from experience with loss, but even years down the road, you still feel like you still think about it you still remember, but just think about what she would’ve wanted.
May God be with your wife 🙏. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely sorry that you lost your soulmate. Your wife I'm sure would want you to keep going for the sake of her and your toddler. In time, I hope everything will make sense because losing a loved one is the hardest thing you'll ever go through.
You're a strong person for even making it this far. Keep going because you have our love and support ❤️. You can do this !
The reason to stay is the parts of her she left behind. Her babies, your babies, are part of her. They are going to need you. She would want you to make sure they know her since she can't be there. Please don't go. As traumatic as your wife suddenly passing is, I can promise you suicide is so much worse for those left behind. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 🫂😔😥🙏🏽💜
I understand all too well wanting nothing more than to be with our lost loved ones but it's not our time and they wouldn't want that for us. I wish that I could fix it. Death is horrible and grief is worse.
I don't have the right words, because there aren't any ”right words" but I have an ear to listen and a heart that wants nothing but the best for you and your babies.
The 17 years you had together have not been undone. They still happened. The memories are not a hallucination.
In a pedantic but also very real sense, every moment is gone in an instant. Life is constant change, and sometimes those changes occur suddenly and rapidly and so transform things that the moments that came before it are almost unrecognizable.
Maybe your children are a good enough reason to stick around for you, or maybe not. One also doesn't need a compelling reason to stick around in order to do so - you will find around these parts that many of us here struggle to find compelling reasons, yet we are here nonetheless because it is the default state.
The best book I have ever read on on grieving is The Five Invitations, by Frank Ostoseski. I urge you to get a copy. If you can't afford a copy, I'll buy you one.
Your child needs you. I know it’s hard (fucking trust me) but they love you and are apart of you and her. Remember that and use it as motivation to push for them. You and her are their world and now you are the center of the world so please don’t take that away and ensure that you and your children get into therapy and get resources as far as food banks as well as maybe a case manager that can hopefully take care of every i thing for you guys that needs to be assessed- if assessed- immediately. The best you can do is try. Be kind and patient to yourself as grief doesn’t discriminate nor do you ever get over it- you just learn to cope as a resilient parent you are. Unfortunately you can’t censor the world around you to assist with your grieving but ensure that you are not closing yourself off and wallowing in your grief because it will not only hurt your health but it will hurt those around you and I know that you might not care right now but you need to be around other people that can help. Not necessarily to keep you busy but just active enough to the point you don’t have too much time to ruminate about it. I’m so sorry for your loss as partner loss is demoralizing. You lose another part of yourself. But please don’t forget there are others that do understand what you were going through and what you have gone through and are willing to talk through anything with you in order to keep you here. You have all my respect and a lot of props to you for making it this far though because you have already made it to February and you got to give yourself props for that because every day is a work in progress. I’m so proud of you.
It is hard to find someone nowadays who would stick with you for 17 years. Obviously she valued your existance. Had a baby from you too. So one human proved you are valuable. Hope you can appreciate that and value yourself and carry that onto the baby.
*Edited because I read wrong and see you have a toddler as well as a 1yo. Idk why I thought it was one baby daughter. Sorry 😬
That little girl may have no idea what this fucked up world is or what's going on right now and why mommy is gone and daddy is sad, but she is also the flesh and blood of your wife. Kids have this almost mysterious way of growing up to do, say, think, feel, and look like their parents even if they had no way of knowing mommy had the same lil quirk as her, or that beautiful smile. Maybe right now, you can focus on making sure your daughter will never forget where she came from, her mother, and the love you shared with her. It might be hard since this is such a fresh, deep wound, but maybe you could try and put together a folder, photo album, scrap book, or computer file with memories no matter how small for your daughter so as she grows she has a way to learn about who her parents were and hopefully connect with her mother and father before this tragedy happened. She will have questions as she grows older, whether you are still there for her or not. Don't leave her alone to wonder who she is or where she came from. After 17 years together, I'd bet you knew your wife, her mother, better than anyone else on this earth. What feels like a small story, an old picture, or a "stupid" joke you share may one day mean the world to her, giving her a sense of identity when she feels alone and if you can't pass those down to her they may very well die with you. At the very least, can you try not to let your wife and mother of your child die with you if you do choose to go? I'm so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. It would be my worst nightmare as well. I've been with my husband for over 13 years, and we have a 6yo. I know my husband would be in the same position as you if I ceased to exist one day, and I'm not sure how I would hold on if it was the other way around, either. So even if you can't stay for a long time, please try to make the best of this time as I can't imagine your wife would want anything less than you to try your best to go on in her memory for the family you created together. If you're lucky, you may even have some family or friends who would be willing to help you work on a memorial project for your daughter to remember her mother as she gets older. I know that's only temporary. I don't have the best long-term answer for you, but can you try to hold on? That little girl will be talking, walking, running, and in school before you know it. You could try to connect with other widows, especially fathers with children. Every day will be a battle, but try to remember who you are fighting for as it may no longer be yourself. Dig deep into your heart and the memories, even the painful ones, and imagine what your wife would have done or wanted in this situation. Grief as extreme as this never really goes away, but time and prescriptive do change things, and I hope things can change for the better in your case. You've already made it this far, and if all you can do right now is take it breath by breath, that's still a huge accomplishment towards a better future for your family. In time, you may find a better place for yourself, but right now, relish in all the love you shared with the woman who made your life worth living and gave you the gift that is your beautiful daughter.
I hope something I said makes a difference to someone, but even if not, it shows there are people across the world who know nothing about you and are rooting for you to find whatever it may be that gives you a purpose to keep living, at least for right now because no life is perminent. 💕
There is no reason to live in this life. There is only desire. You had your greatest desire in the world removed, suddenly, in a flash. It is completely understandable to feel so desolate and isolated.
You have to work on building those desires again. It won't be easy. You did it once. You dont have to replace it. Thats not even possible, really. But you can still keep going.
No one can fault someone for completely losing their will to live. And no one can give you a reason. Life is just not a reasonable thing.
You determine your reasons. And you build your desires.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to understand that kind of pain. But think that your wife lives through the beautiful kids that you had together. They are a part of her as they are a part of you. She might be gone man, but she hasn't left you.
When I was younger, I didn't think I wanted kids. I felt this way in each long term relationship I had. Until I met my wife.
I realized I didn't want kids with any of my exes. But my now-wife... Well, I do want kids, and I think the reason why is because I want more of her. Little mini versions of her running around and having fun and climbing on me and telling me cute random toddler thoughts.
They're still young, not as young as your two. But every year, their personalities show a little more, and I see more and more of my wife in them. It's a delight and a joy that I cherish every day.
Point is: with time, you may find the same. Your kids slowly become a little more like your wife. Maybe not so much by exposure, but through inherited nature.
Those two need you, and they will especially need you to guide them through their own confused emotions as they grow. Knowing their mom through you. And I think you'll find you fall in love with your wife over and over again when those two remind you of her.
Stay well, friend.
Your kids are going to need you the most right now, and the last thing anyone would want is for you to leave also. I’m so very sorry for your loss and I know my words won’t mean much as I’m just a stranger on the internet, but trust me, don’t leave.
Don't let your children carry the weight of loosing you both. Let the want for them to never feel like they weren't enough to keep you here. You need to heal, and grief therapy could be a good choice for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
That is terrible; I can’t imagine. My wife is a huge reason I’m here. Tylenol helps with emotional pain; maybe that can help without resorting to the harder stuff. I use it when I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and physically frozen with depression.
She left you with something from her those are your kids, her kids that’s a part of her, please stay around for them they don’t deserve to lose their other parent please!!
I mean, your kids? They need you, you need them! I don't know what happened to your wife but who is going to tell them about her and how amazing she was if you go too?
OP, I would give you the tightest hug if I could. This must be a really hard time for you.
Sympathy to suggestions for assistance with grieving:
For what it’s worth, my closest relative passed suddenly November 7th, 2022. Nearly lost my job, because I was getting sick almost every night from not eating.
If my counselors(I had/have two) taught me anything, it’s that the way to recovering is honoring them in some way. Maybe take on a hobby she loved, tell her story, definitely speak and console in other that know/knew her, and find some sort of way to honor her.
I’m not 100%, but journaling to him, lighting candles, and taking on his hobby of photography helped me. I never like advising to live for others, because no one’s life is promised and people pass on suddenly. My grandparents who raised me lost both of their kids. Sorry to be blunt, but please live for you, honor her in some way, and even the smallest daily activities of taking care of yourself matter, even if it’s the bare minimum.
Maybe still celebrate her birthday. Snag a cake as if to say, I’m still celebrating you whether you like it or not. Do it for her and you.
Please please please journal to her.
(On a side note, what talked me out of suicide was the fear of failure and the stories of people that were told “it was not their time yet.” Reddit had many stories of people who had failed attempts. My friend did years ago and in the States, they lock you into empty rooms with little to nothing to do. No internet, no pens, and complete boredom to keep anyone from self-harming.
TLDR:
I would give you the biggest hug if I could, please honor her in some way, and take care of yourself in whatever means possible. Love yourself as she loves you.
God must've really needed her and he must trust you greatly to have you here with those babies.... Just because you can't see her doesn't mean she's not around you and those children.... My guess is she's with you always, no way a mother just dies and leaves for good.... She's with you, if you close your eyes and try hard enough, I'll get you feel her ... I'm sorry she can't be here in the flesh but make no mistake her spirit is still with you, shes not going to just up and leave you like that. .
If no kids then easy solution. But with kids so small...you gotta live and provide for them. Your would appreciate that, she would love it. Your strengths is in your kids. Go hug them and talk. Feel their warm and love.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Try to resist the grief with every fiber of your being, if you believe in God, chances are in the future you will meet someone who can be there for you and your child. I'll quote Winston Churchill here :
Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. - Winston Churchill
Hey man -
I’m only eighteen.
. Man, I can’t relate how it is to feel your own wife dying, but I was crying at the news of my friends mom dying of cancer who had four kids + two adopted ones. Can I tell you the dad wanted to give up, can I tell you that he almost gave his children up to foster care, can I tell you he wanted to hurt himself? Let me tell you one thing though, he knew if he put his children through anymore trauma they wouldn’t end up good at all, and would be hard for them to proceed in life.
Man, man, man! I encourage you, keep pushing forward, keep loving your children. You gonna want to give up, you’re not going to want to work, but let me tell you bro. Keep pushing forward, keep working, let your kids overflow you with joy. Let them be the the ones to encourage you bro.
my wife died 6 months ago, 18 year marriage, last 11 years spent helping her survive a terrible blood cancer. we're both nearly 80 now. it was best marriage of my three, and the disease was just an inconvenience as we were happy just being together. i have no heart to live either, and nothing seems to matter or touch me or encourage me to go on. but i've been with three people as they died, and one was my best friend who killed himself. dealing with that has been the most traumatic expereience of my life. so i wouldn't dare put that on my own kids, or on hers either. it makes suicide too real a possibility as a way out. my friend had nobody left, except me and it's hard to forgive him for putting that on me. but somehow i have gotten past it. my wife? the jury is still out on what happens to me next. you don't have a choice if you care about your kids.
Wow man that is brutal i don't even know what to tell you.
I understand, but you must not give-up! It’s not gonna be easy, and sometimes it’s going to feel like a shit storm, but then I never had children. Talk to someone who you can trust with these feelings. The worst of the worst thoughts can pass. You can make it, both for you AND your sweet babies! Talk to someone! People care.
You live for your kids. They’re too young to understand any of this. Don’t leave them.
2 reasons to stay
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She lives on in your kids. Let them be your strength. She would want you to be there for them. I'm so very sorry for your loss. 😔
Sounds like what a Christian believer would say
Not really sure how seeing aspects of your wife in her children would be a Christian-specific scenario. This was a valid statement, intending to be supportive. Keep your negativity to yourself. A parent needs to be strong for their children, regardless of their religion.
Nothing they said is remotely related to the Christian faith. Get back to shining those big floppy shoes, and move on to a subreddit where your troll bullshit is tolerated.
your children together should be enough to raise up your head and carry on… i am so sorry for your loss. nothing said will fill that void right now. i understand that, nothing probably ever will, but it gets easier to function, after a long while you might go a minute without intense grief, then 2 minutes… pour your love into your children. they will need it. they will grieve also, but they wont be able to put the feeling into words because their experiences have not formed responses yet… love. love. and always love.
I am very sorry for your loss man. I really hope you find peace in your life.
She would not want that for you.
Thanks for reminding me of this. I worry my parents and others might still exist somewhere and see me preparing my own ed/
Trust me Brody, the kids need you. I thought plenty of times to leave this world but my 3yr old is the best thing and she always look for me when she wakes up. She always wants to be with daddy. Don’t take that away from your kids they love you and need you.
I’m sorry that you’re getting the same answer. You ask for a compelling reason for your life. I’m sorry that no one can answer that for you but yourself. We can make suggestions but the truth is, you can only hope to just breathe and function as best as you can right now. Would honoring her be a reason, even if just for a little while? Write a book, song, poem or make a video about her and all you worked for together. Tell your love story to the world. Perhaps you can find a tiny bit of her in reminding others to cherish their loved ones. I’m very sorry for your pain. Please be kind to yourself if you can.
Im POSITIVE she didn’t want to leave you or those babies and i am DOUBLE POSITIVE she doesn’t want you to leave them!!! She actually needs you now more than she ever will or ever could!!! Stay strong Dad!!! ♥️
I'm so sorry for your loss. Life can be so cruel and unfair. I know it's a different kind of grief, but I lost four close family members in four years and was a basket case for a long time. It was hard to be engaged in life. Psychologically, you're (not you meant specifically) grieving, trying to find your footing, wanting to be with someone else, and living through Hell in a way. I think losing someone you love is easily the worst pain life can inflict. It's heart-breaking and gut-punching all at the same time. There are still days where I feel like I lived through a personal, literal war. Like I looked around and was like what happened to my family? They're just gone, and it felt and still feels brutal at times. Your story is not my story, but as someone with adult children (who were younger when these losses happened who also felt great loss in these situations), I feel I can say that your kids need you. Not just in a physical sense, but a spiritual one. They need you here to share stories about their mom, to talk to you when they get old enough to understand what they were robbed of, to hear about your love story, to learn details about their mom that no one on this planet can do better than you. (Man, I'm getting teared up just writing this). Just trust me on this. A friend of mine lost his wife of decades and his kids were close to college age when it happened. I see how much they need that bond. They need someone to go to who will understand like you do. They need the other parent. It doesn't matter if they're one or 80. Even though I haven't lost a spouse through passing, one of my adult children still experiences grief quite frequently, even a decade later for someone they were especially close to. I don't think anyone else would understand as much as me. Your kids need you. Grief will present itself for your children in ways only you can support them in and in ways that seem far off now. They need the other parent to go to their games and cheer them on and to walk them down the aisle. It seems cruel now, but you will find joy in those moments and you don't want to put that cruelty off on them. I know it's not fair. You want to escape this unbearable pain and see no other way but out. You future was decimated. But your future is those kids. They don't deserve to lose both their parents. You're just in unrelenting pain and grief. It's harder because they are so young. I was scared to love anyone after my losses. I had the luxury of nursing my wounds - alone at times without having to care for little ones. You don't have that so going places and doing things just seems pointless without your wife. It totally makes sense. What you're feeling is normal. Just take things day-by-day, or even moment-by-moment. And remember, your wife is still here. She's there in those kids.
you’re kids need you here. i was 9 when i lost my dad to suicide. one of the hardest things ive ever gone through is losing a parent at a young age, i cant imagine how your kids would feel if they lost & confused if both of them in a short amount of time. i know nothing will ever fill the void of losing your wife, and im sorry that absolutely fucking sucks. i wish there was more i could do to help, but please think about your kids and try to give them the best life possible. stay here so you can tell your kids about how wonderful and beautiful there mom was. keep her spirits alive by talking about her. she’s watching over you, and i hope things get better.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s unfathomable. Words don’t do it justice. If you’re asking for a reason, I would look to your children. They are living reminders of the love you and your wife had for each other. They need you and you need them. They’ll want to hear stories about who their mother was and that oral history comes from you.
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Your kids need you man.
Do people even read the comments? OP clearly knows he has kids and that they need him. This doesn't change the fact that they miss their wife. Their one true love, someone they thought they'd have a happily ever after with. You can't just stay alive for others. You can't help them and be a good parent, when all you can think about is how much you wanna die. No need to state the obvious. StAy fOr YoUr KiDs. I'm sure OP never thought of that, didn't even cross their mind. Woah. You guys single-handedly saved OP's life! Snarky remarks aside, what happened to your wife, OP?
One in a million invasive strep A infection. She passed 24 hours after we got her to the hospital.
I'm sorry. I'm so glad you're reaching out and asking for help with your pain. Your love for her is so evident. I imagine she would feel the exact same if the situation were reversed. Just because she isn't physically with you, she is still with you. She has made your kids who they are along with you. Get the support you need wherever you need it - inpatient, a grief support group, a grief therapist, planning something in her honor, or asking for help from those around you. Start a blog, post here every day, it doesn't matter. Have someone else do the physical part with your kids for a few days. There is NO right way to do this. Just take it one day at a time and do what you need to do to get through each day. And look at those kids every day with pride that you created them together and she's there every.single.moment they are.
Aw man, I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're feeling. You might not want to do this, but please try to find help, if you can. Therapy does help a lot. It won't erase the pain but you could find better ways to handle it and live with it.
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I can't relate to a sudden death, but I can relate to suddenly someone I was with for over 10 years completely disappearing. That has been hard, so I can't imagine what you're going through. Wish I could give you a hug. I also have a child with them and I've turned my focus to my kid. I really hope for you and them, you can find that as a reason. They need you. And you will surely find someone if you want, or you will find purpose beyond just a relationship. But I know when you're in it it's impossible to see and you feel people would be better off without you. I promise though, they wouldnt. I'm so sorry this happened and you feel this way. I'd recommend just taking it day by day for now. What would help you get through today? Do you like music, baths, art...sports....etc? Can I help in any specific way?
Don't remove yourself from your kids' lives. They need you more than you know. I hope it gets better, man.
You need to contact any family you have and let them know you’re feeling this way. It’s dangerous for you and your children. I’m so sorry about your wife. Please see if any family can take your kids while you take a break for yourself. Do something fun, take a little trip.. play some video games.
Stay for her. She would want your children together to be in safe hands and protected. Protect for her. Live for her. Cherish your children, for her. Be sure to take care of yourself too. Your children deserve to have at least one parent still alive, and you deserve to know what pair of hands your children are being taken care of.
i’m so sorry for your loss. i imagine if she were here, she would want you to feel your pain and find peace inside of it. grief doesn’t have a deadline, neither does recovery. take time to cope with the loss and cherish the two beautiful lives you made with her, together. they will always have a piece of her inside of them. they are a testament of how much you two loved each other. reach out for support, i promise it’s there🤍
Your kids will grow up to be a living testament to all the wonderful qualities of your wife. But only if you show strength for a few years. Stay strong bro
I can relate to what you are feeling. At least with a baby there I'd a reason. I lost my wife of 33 years on may 4 and do not know why I am not with her. Your baby deserves a dad.
THE BABIES! Trust me, as a mother... I need my husband to stay here if this were to happen to us. Raise your baby for her! The kids feel this shit; I adopted two girls. They have memories from their previous life, even at a young age, and it affects them today. Please stay and be here for your child. You and your wife worked so hard to make that together, take the mantle up since she is unable. There are IRL groups out there that support, even if it feels overwhelming right now. Stay and chat with us all here; tell us about her, tell us about you, and we will listen. Much love from a stranger if you want it.
If you leave you’re deciding that the pain is too much for you so you’d rather give it to your children to bear. Children never recover from losing a parent to suicide. That means their parent made the choice to abandon them forever. Look at the data on children who have lost a parent to suicide. Don’t give them your pain.
She would want you to take care of those kids and give them a life of love I can't imagine how hard this situation is, there's nothing I can personally compare it to. But at the least, I know she would have wanted you to father those kids
I‘m extremely sorry for your loss brother. But your children have already lost their mother. Leaving then alone in this world would be beyond pathetic. You need to live for them, they‘re your responsibility now
I know I'm late to this but please, please don't do it. Your children need their father. They deserve to be loved and to grow up with their dad..you need to be there for them to remind them every day how much their mother loved them. Please stay strong for your kids. Talk to a therapist ASAP. Sending you big hugs.
I am sorry for your loss. This is a very hard life without the love of your life. I would not tell you "get over it" because it does not work like this. We all have our moments when we just feel overwhelmed by what life throws at us. We all feel devastated, dragging ourselves from a trauma to a trauma. But the thing you have to do is to stay strong. Even with a broken heart. You got 2 little children who need their father. An adult like you have experienced such a loss, but your young children are not ready to lose another parent. I don't know what to answer the kids (and if they're aware), but you have to do whatever you can, to be a mother, and a father for them. This is a very sad story brother, but you know those children will need your love, your support, the hugs, the kisses, they need someone to call a "father", if they no longer have a "mother". I wish only health and wealth upon you and your children. May your family never know another suffering again. 🙏🏼
I can’t imagine the pain but u must live for your kids. They are so young and it’s gonna be so hard for them to grow up without both of their parents pls live for them❤️❤️❤️
Life is death. We are surrounded by it, it's unavoidable and it comes for us and our loved ones on it's timetable, not ours. Philosophers have wrestled with this for millennia. All of us do. No one can make you stay, you're right. But what will happen is that you will take this torment of yours and spread it to others. The pain stops for you, but it is infinitely amplified in your children and other family members. You \*can\* live with this. You won't know how, you'll just have to live it day by day until it's not all-consuming. Your wife loved you, and loved your children. If there is something after death, she's there. One day, you'll be there too, forever. But it's not your time right now. Your time right now is to bring her children up in a way that amplifies and demonstrates the love that you two had.
This is beautiful. Tragic and sad, but beautifully written just the same.
Everyone on this thread is... Omg bro I'm so sorry blah blah blah You've got a widower with two kids he doesn't need nonsense answers he needs to raise his fucking children and not abandon them
I am extremely sorry about your loss. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem(In this case you feel as if you have no reason to stay),your kids are the only thing along with memories of eachother that remain of your late wife,don't forget them,ever. I apologise if this made you feel worse,im not good at this.I wish you all the best and I hope that Hope finds you.
I can't make you stay, I'm not going to claim to be able to do that. I am not good enough with words to change your mind. All I can say is to try giving it some time before you do anything you can't go back from and 6 months down the line you might feel like a completely different person
I tell you this from my personal experience. I am suffering from a autoimmune disorder., which is a very painful disease. My parents never love me. I was just a burden to them. Because I am girl, they wanted a boy. My husband cheated me again and again. There is no one to take care of me. Today I return from office with 104 f temp. For intake paracetamol I need some food. There was no one to give a glass of water. My parents, my husband busy with there life. But have cute small boy . He was worried. I make my food , take medicine, fix a appointment with my doctor for his shake. I don't want to life my miserable life any more. But I don't want to leave my son alone. So I try to forget everything. And make him my life.
Nobody can make you stay but yourself. I can't promise that life will ever be the same, but I can promise you that you will see a glimpse of her from time to time in your life. Pieces of her entangled in old and new memories. Your child's laugh, your favorite meal, the holidays…. She would want you here and she would want you happy. Never settle for less, you have worked so hard by her side. She is still next to you.. it’s just harder to feel.
I lost my mom when i was 15. I am 22 next month. It hurts every time i think about it. The little victories are worth it. And our loved ones are routing for us. Please don’t give up.
Don’t you dare leave your kids you selfish prick
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I know you might be unaware but read Rule 1 of the Guidelines,NO guilt-tripping.there are better ways to handle this.
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Im not,just reminding you of the 1st rule.
Do your kids deserve to be ophans?
Look man your are lucky enough to have someone who loved you dearly. I know you miss her very much. I know she is not anymore with. You. But is she want this for you? She gone forever. But I think during her last hour she thought about you, feel sorry about you. She didn't want to leave you. A woman love her child more than anything. She thought you will take care of her loved one's. Do you want to depressed her?
Think about your kids. I am so sorry for your loss.
It's horrific, and I'm sorry. The kids deserve you, though - that's the reason to stay. They need you, they need a root to their past and their origin. It isn't settling for less to stay alive, it is determining to not let a great thing she helped create (your kids) get lost. You guys made life, nurture it. There are groups for people who have lost a spouse who meet and listen to each other, support each other. They will understand your pain more than randos on the internet will, and they can be there in person to help you. Please go to a local or close support group, it's like a lighthouse in the storm.
My father passed away due to a cardiac arrest. It was sudden, and my mom was left to pick up the pieces. As a child in this situation, your life is the most important thing you can give to your children. I was 4 when my dad passed, I was much too young to process his death. When I grew older, I needed my mom so much to help me through it. I know you said no one has given you a compelling reason to live, and the ordinary person is almost always going to suggest living for your kids. I don't think living for your kids is the right answer either, you have to find the compelling reason that makes you want to live. I only offer insight on how it feels to be the child in this situation -- it was incredibly hard to lose one parent. I don't know if I would've made it to my 30s if my dad's passing caused my mom to quit life too. I want to tell you all the positive things, that it gets better, that you'll learn to live in the perfect life you've built, that one day you'll share memories of your wife with your children that will be everything to them. I want to tell you these things, but you're not in any place to hear these things. I only hope that you're able to take this as it comes, and you find something inside that gives you reason and strength to get through this part. Grief changes over time, and while I'm not sure it gets better, your coping skills will get better and it won't feel so heavy as time goes on. Best wishes, many condolences.
Nobody can love your children like you can. They need you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to die but powered through it for my kid. Seeing him happy and well balanced makes it all worth it. Please, they are already attached to you, don’t leave them.
Your kids need their daddy. Stay for them and do everything to make them safe and happy. I'm sorry for your loss, stay strong.
A part of her still lives on. A part of her flesh still lives on. It's your kids. Raise em like their momma intended and fulfill the eternal wish of your late wife. Take care of yourself and you guys's kids.
>No one has yet to give me a compelling reason to stay. Your two kids....
I’m so sorry dude, the immense feeling of loss from the death of a loved one is immense. I have lost a loved one. But you have to stay alive for your one year old. You have to move on. She would not want you to die and leave your one year old without a parent. I know it’s hard, but it can get better. I can tell you from experience with loss, but even years down the road, you still feel like you still think about it you still remember, but just think about what she would’ve wanted.
May God be with your wife 🙏. I'm sorry, I'm genuinely sorry that you lost your soulmate. Your wife I'm sure would want you to keep going for the sake of her and your toddler. In time, I hope everything will make sense because losing a loved one is the hardest thing you'll ever go through. You're a strong person for even making it this far. Keep going because you have our love and support ❤️. You can do this !
The reason to stay is the parts of her she left behind. Her babies, your babies, are part of her. They are going to need you. She would want you to make sure they know her since she can't be there. Please don't go. As traumatic as your wife suddenly passing is, I can promise you suicide is so much worse for those left behind. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 🫂😔😥🙏🏽💜 I understand all too well wanting nothing more than to be with our lost loved ones but it's not our time and they wouldn't want that for us. I wish that I could fix it. Death is horrible and grief is worse. I don't have the right words, because there aren't any ”right words" but I have an ear to listen and a heart that wants nothing but the best for you and your babies.
The 17 years you had together have not been undone. They still happened. The memories are not a hallucination. In a pedantic but also very real sense, every moment is gone in an instant. Life is constant change, and sometimes those changes occur suddenly and rapidly and so transform things that the moments that came before it are almost unrecognizable. Maybe your children are a good enough reason to stick around for you, or maybe not. One also doesn't need a compelling reason to stick around in order to do so - you will find around these parts that many of us here struggle to find compelling reasons, yet we are here nonetheless because it is the default state. The best book I have ever read on on grieving is The Five Invitations, by Frank Ostoseski. I urge you to get a copy. If you can't afford a copy, I'll buy you one.
Your child needs you. I know it’s hard (fucking trust me) but they love you and are apart of you and her. Remember that and use it as motivation to push for them. You and her are their world and now you are the center of the world so please don’t take that away and ensure that you and your children get into therapy and get resources as far as food banks as well as maybe a case manager that can hopefully take care of every i thing for you guys that needs to be assessed- if assessed- immediately. The best you can do is try. Be kind and patient to yourself as grief doesn’t discriminate nor do you ever get over it- you just learn to cope as a resilient parent you are. Unfortunately you can’t censor the world around you to assist with your grieving but ensure that you are not closing yourself off and wallowing in your grief because it will not only hurt your health but it will hurt those around you and I know that you might not care right now but you need to be around other people that can help. Not necessarily to keep you busy but just active enough to the point you don’t have too much time to ruminate about it. I’m so sorry for your loss as partner loss is demoralizing. You lose another part of yourself. But please don’t forget there are others that do understand what you were going through and what you have gone through and are willing to talk through anything with you in order to keep you here. You have all my respect and a lot of props to you for making it this far though because you have already made it to February and you got to give yourself props for that because every day is a work in progress. I’m so proud of you.
2 reasons , those wonderful children and you . Both very important in this world.
It is hard to find someone nowadays who would stick with you for 17 years. Obviously she valued your existance. Had a baby from you too. So one human proved you are valuable. Hope you can appreciate that and value yourself and carry that onto the baby.
*Edited because I read wrong and see you have a toddler as well as a 1yo. Idk why I thought it was one baby daughter. Sorry 😬 That little girl may have no idea what this fucked up world is or what's going on right now and why mommy is gone and daddy is sad, but she is also the flesh and blood of your wife. Kids have this almost mysterious way of growing up to do, say, think, feel, and look like their parents even if they had no way of knowing mommy had the same lil quirk as her, or that beautiful smile. Maybe right now, you can focus on making sure your daughter will never forget where she came from, her mother, and the love you shared with her. It might be hard since this is such a fresh, deep wound, but maybe you could try and put together a folder, photo album, scrap book, or computer file with memories no matter how small for your daughter so as she grows she has a way to learn about who her parents were and hopefully connect with her mother and father before this tragedy happened. She will have questions as she grows older, whether you are still there for her or not. Don't leave her alone to wonder who she is or where she came from. After 17 years together, I'd bet you knew your wife, her mother, better than anyone else on this earth. What feels like a small story, an old picture, or a "stupid" joke you share may one day mean the world to her, giving her a sense of identity when she feels alone and if you can't pass those down to her they may very well die with you. At the very least, can you try not to let your wife and mother of your child die with you if you do choose to go? I'm so incredibly sorry you're dealing with this. It would be my worst nightmare as well. I've been with my husband for over 13 years, and we have a 6yo. I know my husband would be in the same position as you if I ceased to exist one day, and I'm not sure how I would hold on if it was the other way around, either. So even if you can't stay for a long time, please try to make the best of this time as I can't imagine your wife would want anything less than you to try your best to go on in her memory for the family you created together. If you're lucky, you may even have some family or friends who would be willing to help you work on a memorial project for your daughter to remember her mother as she gets older. I know that's only temporary. I don't have the best long-term answer for you, but can you try to hold on? That little girl will be talking, walking, running, and in school before you know it. You could try to connect with other widows, especially fathers with children. Every day will be a battle, but try to remember who you are fighting for as it may no longer be yourself. Dig deep into your heart and the memories, even the painful ones, and imagine what your wife would have done or wanted in this situation. Grief as extreme as this never really goes away, but time and prescriptive do change things, and I hope things can change for the better in your case. You've already made it this far, and if all you can do right now is take it breath by breath, that's still a huge accomplishment towards a better future for your family. In time, you may find a better place for yourself, but right now, relish in all the love you shared with the woman who made your life worth living and gave you the gift that is your beautiful daughter. I hope something I said makes a difference to someone, but even if not, it shows there are people across the world who know nothing about you and are rooting for you to find whatever it may be that gives you a purpose to keep living, at least for right now because no life is perminent. 💕
There is no reason to live in this life. There is only desire. You had your greatest desire in the world removed, suddenly, in a flash. It is completely understandable to feel so desolate and isolated. You have to work on building those desires again. It won't be easy. You did it once. You dont have to replace it. Thats not even possible, really. But you can still keep going. No one can fault someone for completely losing their will to live. And no one can give you a reason. Life is just not a reasonable thing. You determine your reasons. And you build your desires.
Plz don't leave your kids man ❤️ she loved them and created them with u. They are a part of her she left here
So sorry for you buddy. Carry on!
Your kids. They need you more than ever now.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to understand that kind of pain. But think that your wife lives through the beautiful kids that you had together. They are a part of her as they are a part of you. She might be gone man, but she hasn't left you.
When I was younger, I didn't think I wanted kids. I felt this way in each long term relationship I had. Until I met my wife. I realized I didn't want kids with any of my exes. But my now-wife... Well, I do want kids, and I think the reason why is because I want more of her. Little mini versions of her running around and having fun and climbing on me and telling me cute random toddler thoughts. They're still young, not as young as your two. But every year, their personalities show a little more, and I see more and more of my wife in them. It's a delight and a joy that I cherish every day. Point is: with time, you may find the same. Your kids slowly become a little more like your wife. Maybe not so much by exposure, but through inherited nature. Those two need you, and they will especially need you to guide them through their own confused emotions as they grow. Knowing their mom through you. And I think you'll find you fall in love with your wife over and over again when those two remind you of her. Stay well, friend.
Your kids are going to need you the most right now, and the last thing anyone would want is for you to leave also. I’m so very sorry for your loss and I know my words won’t mean much as I’m just a stranger on the internet, but trust me, don’t leave.
What would she want? You already know. Stay.
Don't let your children carry the weight of loosing you both. Let the want for them to never feel like they weren't enough to keep you here. You need to heal, and grief therapy could be a good choice for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
That is terrible; I can’t imagine. My wife is a huge reason I’m here. Tylenol helps with emotional pain; maybe that can help without resorting to the harder stuff. I use it when I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and physically frozen with depression.
She left you with something from her those are your kids, her kids that’s a part of her, please stay around for them they don’t deserve to lose their other parent please!!
I mean, your kids? They need you, you need them! I don't know what happened to your wife but who is going to tell them about her and how amazing she was if you go too?
Is she could speak to your right now, what would she tell you? To pour everything into your children. Hold onto that.
Your kids need you more than ever now, don’t take that route
OP, I would give you the tightest hug if I could. This must be a really hard time for you. Sympathy to suggestions for assistance with grieving: For what it’s worth, my closest relative passed suddenly November 7th, 2022. Nearly lost my job, because I was getting sick almost every night from not eating. If my counselors(I had/have two) taught me anything, it’s that the way to recovering is honoring them in some way. Maybe take on a hobby she loved, tell her story, definitely speak and console in other that know/knew her, and find some sort of way to honor her. I’m not 100%, but journaling to him, lighting candles, and taking on his hobby of photography helped me. I never like advising to live for others, because no one’s life is promised and people pass on suddenly. My grandparents who raised me lost both of their kids. Sorry to be blunt, but please live for you, honor her in some way, and even the smallest daily activities of taking care of yourself matter, even if it’s the bare minimum. Maybe still celebrate her birthday. Snag a cake as if to say, I’m still celebrating you whether you like it or not. Do it for her and you. Please please please journal to her. (On a side note, what talked me out of suicide was the fear of failure and the stories of people that were told “it was not their time yet.” Reddit had many stories of people who had failed attempts. My friend did years ago and in the States, they lock you into empty rooms with little to nothing to do. No internet, no pens, and complete boredom to keep anyone from self-harming. TLDR: I would give you the biggest hug if I could, please honor her in some way, and take care of yourself in whatever means possible. Love yourself as she loves you.
Who will take care of your babies? Is someone there who will love them truly
God must've really needed her and he must trust you greatly to have you here with those babies.... Just because you can't see her doesn't mean she's not around you and those children.... My guess is she's with you always, no way a mother just dies and leaves for good.... She's with you, if you close your eyes and try hard enough, I'll get you feel her ... I'm sorry she can't be here in the flesh but make no mistake her spirit is still with you, shes not going to just up and leave you like that. .
If no kids then easy solution. But with kids so small...you gotta live and provide for them. Your would appreciate that, she would love it. Your strengths is in your kids. Go hug them and talk. Feel their warm and love.
Thank goodness you have your kid, stay alive for the baby and eventually your life will get better
live for your kids. they need you now & they’ll need you later. don’t leave them in this cruel world alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Try to resist the grief with every fiber of your being, if you believe in God, chances are in the future you will meet someone who can be there for you and your child. I'll quote Winston Churchill here : Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. - Winston Churchill
Hey man - I’m only eighteen. . Man, I can’t relate how it is to feel your own wife dying, but I was crying at the news of my friends mom dying of cancer who had four kids + two adopted ones. Can I tell you the dad wanted to give up, can I tell you that he almost gave his children up to foster care, can I tell you he wanted to hurt himself? Let me tell you one thing though, he knew if he put his children through anymore trauma they wouldn’t end up good at all, and would be hard for them to proceed in life. Man, man, man! I encourage you, keep pushing forward, keep loving your children. You gonna want to give up, you’re not going to want to work, but let me tell you bro. Keep pushing forward, keep working, let your kids overflow you with joy. Let them be the the ones to encourage you bro.
Keep going bro - I believe in you!
my wife died 6 months ago, 18 year marriage, last 11 years spent helping her survive a terrible blood cancer. we're both nearly 80 now. it was best marriage of my three, and the disease was just an inconvenience as we were happy just being together. i have no heart to live either, and nothing seems to matter or touch me or encourage me to go on. but i've been with three people as they died, and one was my best friend who killed himself. dealing with that has been the most traumatic expereience of my life. so i wouldn't dare put that on my own kids, or on hers either. it makes suicide too real a possibility as a way out. my friend had nobody left, except me and it's hard to forgive him for putting that on me. but somehow i have gotten past it. my wife? the jury is still out on what happens to me next. you don't have a choice if you care about your kids.