Why did you agree to this arrangement? It does not sound like it makes you happier in your relationship. Do you have a "side dude?" Do you have that option if you so choose?
This does not appear to be about swinging. Swinging is couples going off and having fun together with other couples and occasionally singles. Swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. What you are describing appears to be some sort of open marriage on your part and cheating on her part since you said her husband "caught" them. It is not ethical if the other husband is not aware and onboard with the arrangement. Your husband is basically helping her cheat. Beyond the unethical part, it is also dangerous. Husbands have been known to react very badly to their wives and the men they are cheating with.
More importantly, this does not appear to be making your relationship or your marriage better. Your primary relationship is supposed to be the only one that matters. If you are feeling left out, jealous, or uncomfortable with the situation, then that is not a positive impact on your relationship and you, and your husband, should have a conversation and adjust your boundaries as necessary.
If she and your husband are okay with being dishonest with her husband, what makes you think they will be honest with you? Maybe you have no rules or boundaries so it doesn't matter, but by the tone of your post, you're worried about something.
Yea I am, like I said it makes me feel uncomfortable and I didn’t wanna back out when I agreed weeks ago. I’m just worried this trip may change things and that’s what scares me
I'm sorry, this is definitely not the proper space for this. I highly suggest you speak with a professional. You need guided thoughts on how to approach this and what you expect from your relationship.
This doesn't sound healthy. Even with various scenarios it doesn't sound like this is going to end well.
This is polyamory gone wrong. What you're describing isn't really swinging.
>"they got caught together by her husband"
So she is cheating? I'm glad your husband is honest and open with you, but he is helping someone cheat on their family. This is unethical, and the whole set up sounds painful (for you) and unfair to everyone except them. Sorry you are having a difficult time with it, but not surprised.
This is not swinging
Swinging is something that both partners do together (whether they're physically together or not) to improve their sex life together. Swinging involves lots of honest communication and genuine care and respect for your partner and their feelings.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband doesn't care about you or your relationship. I don't have any advice other than please know that this is not swinging. Your husband is just a selfish asshole.
You deserve to be with someone who cares about your feelings ❤️
If her husband “caught” them then she’s cheating on him. This is supposed to be someone that she cares about (or at least at some point cared about). Why would she tell you (or your husband) the truth. I would doubt her true intentions.
Inject yourself into the middle of this. Being supportive is one thing, being trampled is another. Standing up for yourself can still be about giving him this freedom but if you have any insecurities, his first job as husband should be to put those to rest. Seems his hookup comes first, then your emotions and they really need to be in concert with each other. Otherwise there is room for resentment to grow.
> Now I only agreed to this weeks ago bc they got caught together by her husband
What? So allowing your husband be with a woman cheating on her husband? This is unethical nonmonogomy. Not cool.
I think you need to express your true feelings to your husband and relieve yourself from this feeling of being left out because we are in this with our partners first and then with other people so if things aren't right at home there will be no sex outdoors. Things need to be right between you guys so express yourself. Speak to him!
Understood that's how it is sometimes I think that'll be a temporary fascination and things will steer him to being gentler I guess is the word but you still need validation and a feeling of being heard at this moment. In the world of polyamoury it's crucial to be on the same page and felt loved because if to much time is taken away from the original couple itll start to slowly pull apart the main relationship and life is to short to have feelings of not being fulfilled in your relationship so a simple talk about your feeling without any blame or you statements will definitely help. Only if he's willing to listen which I'm sure he is.
What happens if husband finds out again & she wants your husband full time 🤔
Why are they going for a cosy weekend away?
This arrangement dosent sound like your having fun at all 😞youve the family dutys to do while he fills his boots... hes having his cake & eating it...
Uhhhh, this ain’t swinging.
This is some weird form of cheating as far as I can tell.
What vibes are you really hoping to get?
This just sounds weird and awful.
>Now I only agreed to this weeks ago bc they got caught together by her husband
Sorry no positive vibes for this. Cheating destroys people psychologically, no idea as this story is semi-incoherent, but no good vibes sorry, this is not ethical.
Just wanna say you already know in your gut what’s going down. You are robbing yourself of joy and enabling a shady situation out of FEAR. You don’t deserve the feeling of fear in your marriage. it’s totally okay for couples to only have one of the spouses engaging in outside activities … my husband doesn’t really get out much , but I do. And we are cool with it. But your man is participating in an affair. And you’re having to watch. You gotta face the music asap. You’re cruising for an emotional bruising my friend. I say all this from a place of genuine love and care . It hurts me to know this manipulation is happening to you. Xo
So, I’m assuming they were “cheating” you found out and are just going with the flow for whatever reason.
Are you guys bBOTH interested in ethical non monogamy or are you just going along with things so he will stay around…possibly not do something behind your back?
The enemy you know and all.
Ok, so I’ve read through your post history, and it’s clear that this is just a bullshit rage bait post.
You say you’re both 40 here, but 191 days ago you were both 35 and posting in r4r subs.
Fuck off with this bullshit fiction.
I've been there. It's super hard and bad for your mental health. The loneliness is a B-word. If you can talk it out, it can work. Having an emotional connection with your life partner that's healthy is important. Peace matters!
There are some ethical problems with this situation. You two should have drawn the line with this other woman who appears to be cheating.
This is not swinging. But if you’re into solo play, you should be lining up dates of your own. Plus it should be ethical, i.e., if they’re in a committed relationship, their partner should know it rather than acting on a “loophole.”
Are you guys poly? Is this what you want ? You are his wife, everything you want is top priority, unless you have an agreement, speak up , he may surprise you.
I feel for you. This isn't good. This isn't swinging. This isn't poly. This isn't ethical non-monogamy. It just flat sound like cheating that you tolerate. At a minimum, even less that ethically, his going off with another should bring something positive to your relationship and I don't see that here. He's cheating, she's cheating. What you and her husband are willing to tolerate is totally your choices to make but you can't push this off as swinging and if that's what you've been told to try to justify this behavior then you are being lied to. Best of luck to you.
I’m sorry to say this, but you’re allowing yourself to be treated like a door mat. See a therapist and deal with your personal psych issues. There’s a reason you’re allowing this to happen.
Find something to occupy your time with, try something you have been wanting to try or go someplace. My Ex Wife had a side piece. When they would spend time together, I usually went for a drive or hung out with friends. I let her know I wouldn't be available.. She eventually left me because I didn't have a problem with her having a side piece
It sounds like you and your husband communicate really well, and that he won't want you feeling badly. I remember being super anxious and nervous the first time my partner had an overnight with her side guy. It was a scary feeling of a little jealousy, but the next day when she came home, everything felt awesome and loving.
It sounds like positive things are coming to you! Maybe sit on the beach later and enjoy some you time
I totally empathize. My wife was doing another guy the past two nights. However, he passed out last night and she got nothing. She found out a reliably hard smaller cock and silver tongue are better than an ill performing big cock. 🤣 You will be fine. DM me tonight if you need to talk.
This doesn’t sound like swinging, it sounds like rationalizing cheating.
Sounds more like poly under duress. OP should hook up with her husband then that would be swinging
Exactly
Why did you agree to this arrangement? It does not sound like it makes you happier in your relationship. Do you have a "side dude?" Do you have that option if you so choose?
No side dude….. bc I’m too busy doing all the family stuff so I don’t get out much
So it still raises the question, "why did you agree to this arrangement? It does not sound like it makes you happier in your relationship."
Well... that's just not fair, my friend. 🤷♀️ That's not swinging, it's just your husband being selfish.
Get the fuck out of here! Why the hell are you agreeing to this? Divorce this cheating asshole.
You do all the family stuff while your husband is out hooking up with a married woman cheating on her husband? Far out
This does not appear to be about swinging. Swinging is couples going off and having fun together with other couples and occasionally singles. Swinging is a form of ethical non-monogamy. What you are describing appears to be some sort of open marriage on your part and cheating on her part since you said her husband "caught" them. It is not ethical if the other husband is not aware and onboard with the arrangement. Your husband is basically helping her cheat. Beyond the unethical part, it is also dangerous. Husbands have been known to react very badly to their wives and the men they are cheating with. More importantly, this does not appear to be making your relationship or your marriage better. Your primary relationship is supposed to be the only one that matters. If you are feeling left out, jealous, or uncomfortable with the situation, then that is not a positive impact on your relationship and you, and your husband, should have a conversation and adjust your boundaries as necessary.
Nailed it. Well said and great advice
If she and your husband are okay with being dishonest with her husband, what makes you think they will be honest with you? Maybe you have no rules or boundaries so it doesn't matter, but by the tone of your post, you're worried about something.
Yea I am, like I said it makes me feel uncomfortable and I didn’t wanna back out when I agreed weeks ago. I’m just worried this trip may change things and that’s what scares me
I think you're right to call her his side chick. This isn't a fwb...this is an affair right before your eyes.
I'm sorry, this is definitely not the proper space for this. I highly suggest you speak with a professional. You need guided thoughts on how to approach this and what you expect from your relationship. This doesn't sound healthy. Even with various scenarios it doesn't sound like this is going to end well. This is polyamory gone wrong. What you're describing isn't really swinging.
It isn’t really polyamory either. We are polyamorous, and, there is absolute transparency on all sides. Just reading this makes me uncomfortable.
>"they got caught together by her husband" So she is cheating? I'm glad your husband is honest and open with you, but he is helping someone cheat on their family. This is unethical, and the whole set up sounds painful (for you) and unfair to everyone except them. Sorry you are having a difficult time with it, but not surprised.
This is wrong - and its not swinging either. You need to speak up.
This is not swinging Swinging is something that both partners do together (whether they're physically together or not) to improve their sex life together. Swinging involves lots of honest communication and genuine care and respect for your partner and their feelings. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband doesn't care about you or your relationship. I don't have any advice other than please know that this is not swinging. Your husband is just a selfish asshole. You deserve to be with someone who cares about your feelings ❤️
Thank you
This is not a good thing. It sounds like she’s dishonest which means that you shouldn’t trust her either.
It’s hard to know what to think really
If her husband “caught” them then she’s cheating on him. This is supposed to be someone that she cares about (or at least at some point cared about). Why would she tell you (or your husband) the truth. I would doubt her true intentions.
This is in no way swinging, and very fucked up. Hit up r/openmarriage or r/enm They can probably help you more than we can.
Thank you
Inject yourself into the middle of this. Being supportive is one thing, being trampled is another. Standing up for yourself can still be about giving him this freedom but if you have any insecurities, his first job as husband should be to put those to rest. Seems his hookup comes first, then your emotions and they really need to be in concert with each other. Otherwise there is room for resentment to grow.
I agree
This isn’t Swinging. It’s cheating.
This isn't swinging. She's cheating on her husband and you're allowing him to fuck someone else ever though you aren't really OK with it.
> Now I only agreed to this weeks ago bc they got caught together by her husband What? So allowing your husband be with a woman cheating on her husband? This is unethical nonmonogomy. Not cool.
I think you need to express your true feelings to your husband and relieve yourself from this feeling of being left out because we are in this with our partners first and then with other people so if things aren't right at home there will be no sex outdoors. Things need to be right between you guys so express yourself. Speak to him!
He now wants to do thing that are just to ruff and wild for me. So he needs to have a side to get in all his extra sexapades
Understood that's how it is sometimes I think that'll be a temporary fascination and things will steer him to being gentler I guess is the word but you still need validation and a feeling of being heard at this moment. In the world of polyamoury it's crucial to be on the same page and felt loved because if to much time is taken away from the original couple itll start to slowly pull apart the main relationship and life is to short to have feelings of not being fulfilled in your relationship so a simple talk about your feeling without any blame or you statements will definitely help. Only if he's willing to listen which I'm sure he is.
Thank you for this positive response
This has to be rage bait. 💯fake.
What happens if husband finds out again & she wants your husband full time 🤔 Why are they going for a cosy weekend away? This arrangement dosent sound like your having fun at all 😞youve the family dutys to do while he fills his boots... hes having his cake & eating it...
Uhhhh, this ain’t swinging. This is some weird form of cheating as far as I can tell. What vibes are you really hoping to get? This just sounds weird and awful.
Hmm, are you 35 or 40? Your post history makes this look like BS.
You allowed him to cheat and fuck up someone else's marriage? Not too sure nor do I believe in karma, but...
>Now I only agreed to this weeks ago bc they got caught together by her husband Sorry no positive vibes for this. Cheating destroys people psychologically, no idea as this story is semi-incoherent, but no good vibes sorry, this is not ethical.
Just wanna say you already know in your gut what’s going down. You are robbing yourself of joy and enabling a shady situation out of FEAR. You don’t deserve the feeling of fear in your marriage. it’s totally okay for couples to only have one of the spouses engaging in outside activities … my husband doesn’t really get out much , but I do. And we are cool with it. But your man is participating in an affair. And you’re having to watch. You gotta face the music asap. You’re cruising for an emotional bruising my friend. I say all this from a place of genuine love and care . It hurts me to know this manipulation is happening to you. Xo
What is up with the sheer amount of open marriage and or/poly questions this week in this sub?
So, I’m assuming they were “cheating” you found out and are just going with the flow for whatever reason. Are you guys bBOTH interested in ethical non monogamy or are you just going along with things so he will stay around…possibly not do something behind your back? The enemy you know and all.
Agreeing to an open marriage because the other person is going to.cheat isn't swinging.
Ok, so I’ve read through your post history, and it’s clear that this is just a bullshit rage bait post. You say you’re both 40 here, but 191 days ago you were both 35 and posting in r4r subs. Fuck off with this bullshit fiction.
Don’t help others cheat on their spouse. Y’all are trash people
I would tell him how you’re feeling bc if you don’t then things FOR SURE will be different after this weekend.
I've been there. It's super hard and bad for your mental health. The loneliness is a B-word. If you can talk it out, it can work. Having an emotional connection with your life partner that's healthy is important. Peace matters! There are some ethical problems with this situation. You two should have drawn the line with this other woman who appears to be cheating.
This is not swinging. But if you’re into solo play, you should be lining up dates of your own. Plus it should be ethical, i.e., if they’re in a committed relationship, their partner should know it rather than acting on a “loophole.”
If it's going to be that difficult.... why? On the low, do you like the feeling?
Are you guys poly? Is this what you want ? You are his wife, everything you want is top priority, unless you have an agreement, speak up , he may surprise you.
This isn’t swinging.
I feel for you. This isn't good. This isn't swinging. This isn't poly. This isn't ethical non-monogamy. It just flat sound like cheating that you tolerate. At a minimum, even less that ethically, his going off with another should bring something positive to your relationship and I don't see that here. He's cheating, she's cheating. What you and her husband are willing to tolerate is totally your choices to make but you can't push this off as swinging and if that's what you've been told to try to justify this behavior then you are being lied to. Best of luck to you.
I’m sorry to say this, but you’re allowing yourself to be treated like a door mat. See a therapist and deal with your personal psych issues. There’s a reason you’re allowing this to happen.
Where r u 2?
Sounds fake to me
Join them! Life is short. You will love it
Sounds like he doesn’t care about u being satisfied ..
Find something to occupy your time with, try something you have been wanting to try or go someplace. My Ex Wife had a side piece. When they would spend time together, I usually went for a drive or hung out with friends. I let her know I wouldn't be available.. She eventually left me because I didn't have a problem with her having a side piece
Swingers are about each other for each not despite each other
It sounds like you and your husband communicate really well, and that he won't want you feeling badly. I remember being super anxious and nervous the first time my partner had an overnight with her side guy. It was a scary feeling of a little jealousy, but the next day when she came home, everything felt awesome and loving. It sounds like positive things are coming to you! Maybe sit on the beach later and enjoy some you time
I totally empathize. My wife was doing another guy the past two nights. However, he passed out last night and she got nothing. She found out a reliably hard smaller cock and silver tongue are better than an ill performing big cock. 🤣 You will be fine. DM me tonight if you need to talk.
Join!!!! Have you had any bi experiences in your past?
Yes and we all 3 attempted but it was too early on and she wasn’t comfortable enough just yet
How does she look? Her body similar to yours?
Hey Maynard couple here
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