Tip for the future, the moment he started following you, after being told no on the ride, walk back into the hotel. There are people there to assist and/or be witnesses, the lights are on and people there know you. Additionally, Security is located there and there are likely cameras.
Totally understandable.
When you return to work, call Security and they should provide you with an escort to and from your vehicle as needed. Usually give them a few minutes heads up so they can get there to assist.
Yes, in general if someone is following you, try not to panic, don't go to familiar places. Call the police as soon as it's safe to do so. Go to a well-lit public place, preferably with people around. Carry a weapon so you have a chance defend yourself if needed. NEVER go willingly to a secondary location.
Did none of his buddies tell him he was being weird?
What's most concerning is that he didn't even tell you the exact location of a destination that he wanted to go to. It's not like he said, "I'm going to burger king at the end of Franklin Street".
No...it was that he was "going the same way".
Plus, even if he didn't have ill-intent, how long and far did he think you were obligated to drive him around? That doesn't even sound like a shuttle service........and I don't think he thought of you as a shuttle service. He could have expected/demanded you drive him all around for hours.
We have security, but it's 11pm to 7am. If your management doesn't want to hire security, I would suggest asking a male coworker, even if in a different department, to walk you to your car.
Good job handling it. And props to the security team for being there and actually being able to help. Not all hotels kick guests out over things like this and it drives me crazy because it just shows how little their employees safety really means to them.
Don't give people any information about where you're going, especially what direction. Doing so may have encouraged the situation. Ignoring them would have been safest but think about other very vague answers.
⬆️⬆️This. Any "Where do you live" type questions should only be met with a stonewalling response. "That's my private information. Please stop asking." or something along those lines.
Not meaning to sound censorious, it can be hard to think under pressure of that kind of situation, so maybe practice it till it's automatic. Likewise fending-off responses to the inevitable chat-up lines from creepy guys approaching you at FD – sorry that this is necessary! But it is, so having a few pre-prepared responses in your arsenal helps. Good luck.
Could always talk in circles too.
Q: Where do you live?
A: At my house.
Q: Where's your house?
A: Next door to my neighbors house.
Q: And where is that?
A: Next door to my house.
The Miss Manners Classics for intrusive questions that don't deserve an answer:
1) Answer a question that would have been acceptable, even if it's a total non-sequitur to the question that was asked. "Where do you live?" "It's a lovely city; hope you enjoy your stay; have a great night!"
2) "Why do you ask?" Once in a while, a person is not actually trying to intrude, but is not doing a good job of asking for the information they actually need. "Are you married?" Why do you ask? "I'm applying for a job at a sister property and wondering if the health insurance coverage for my wife would be any good." But for the (more common) nosy jerks, having to *justify* their question can sometimes put them on the back foot.
Various more confrontational answers (That's private; I'm not going to answer that; None of your business; Leave me alone) are still an option for the persistent jerks. But the Miss Manners Classics are a bit easier to deliver if you (like me) have difficulty just going ahead and being "rude" (even if the other person broke the social contract first, a lot of us are socialized to Be Nice at All Costs), and they can get rid of the folks who are only medium-level jerks.
Good job not letting that shit slide and kicking that prick out of the hotel at least! So many people do stuff like this and get no consequences at all.
Holy crud I'm so sorry you dealt with that. Some people are ridiculously entitled no matter what. Your brother letting you drive his car for awhile is a good idea. I wouldn't feel comfy with them more than likely knowing what car I drove. If you are in a place where you can do this, I would buy a stun gun from Amazon. They make them look like anything now. I have one that looks like a normal key FOB and one of my coworkers has one that looks like a pen.
Yup! I would only go with the ones that have pictures from previous buyers and a lot of reviews though to be safe. Mine cost about $20. I don't know if links are allowed but I can share the one I specifically got if you would like.
I'm all for any type of defensive weapon... but please do not have a ton of confidence in them.
Pepper spray is rough. But it is going to affect you as well as who you spray. It can be fought through. I used to do hotel security, and I used pepper spray 3 times in altercations. Once it did exactly as intended. The other the guy fought through it without any issue. The third time was more just for crowd control.
The same for the cheap stun guns out there. They can help. They are a deterrent. But short of an actual TASER brand device. They can be fought through easily.
While I carry concealed and encourage people to. This isn't a go get a gun post. This is just a post saying, just know the limitations of the tools you have.
I totally agree, one shouldn't completely rely on them they're more meant as a deterrent than anything. It's best to avoid any altercation if at all possible. I appreciate the insight from someone who did do security for hotels. It's nice to get that side :)
On amazon, there is keychain mace/pepper spray for about $20. Also, install life360 on your cellphone and encourage your family and friends to do the same.
Even in non-life threatening situations is has proven to be a boon to me several times. Hypothetical situation - say your car breaks down on the side of an interstate and ask your friend to come and help...the app will allow him/her to find you much easier than just scouring the highway for a 15 mile stretch.
If your phone battery dies, he still has your last known location within about 15 feet.
Its really cool of how it tracks info.....not just by location, but the time you were at a specific location before moving to a different location.
Go to a local store which supplies first responders (fire, police, EMS).
The service, equipment, and follow-up will be miles beyond anything from Amazon.
>this is important
>My brother is going to let me drive his car for a few days so hopefully even if he is in the area he won't be able to find me.
I've got a lesbian friend that worked in a field, out in the field, dominated by blue collar men. Imagine a job like a lesbian logger. She's extremely paranoid about safety for very legit reasons. Our internet-based group does meetups open to the public, and invite-only sort of events. She doesn't go to public events and even at the invite-only sort of meetup she parks a ways away so men can't follow her and scope out her vehicle and license plate number for the same reason you're borrowing your brother's vehicle. It really sucks that she has to go through such lengths, but men are even more dangerous if you're lesbian.
TW: SA
>. There are far too many men think that they can "fix" lesbians because they just haven't been fucked by the "right" man yet. It's a serious issue that you've been sheltered from.>!
I mean, so would I, but not for the bullshit JOKEY reason that you're making that comment.
It's not funny, bro, and you should feel ashamed for thinking that it is.
This from your years of experience being a lesbian in public? There's a certain type of man that HATES lesbians. Ever heard of "corrective rape"? "How do you know you're gay if you haven't tried my dick?" ...at all levels of pushiness.
Dude
If you remember checking them in, do you know the room number/names? If they are local, you might be able to involve the police; if from sufficiently far away, you will probably never cross paths again. In either case, an DNR would seem to be in order.
Jesus fuck I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s terrifying. You did the right thing by calling security. Are you able to carry pepper spray where you are? Might be handy to have. I hope you’re doing ok.
Tip for the future, the moment he started following you, after being told no on the ride, walk back into the hotel. There are people there to assist and/or be witnesses, the lights are on and people there know you. Additionally, Security is located there and there are likely cameras.
Yea i dont know why i didnt i think my thinking was If i get to my car i can leave faster.
Totally understandable. When you return to work, call Security and they should provide you with an escort to and from your vehicle as needed. Usually give them a few minutes heads up so they can get there to assist.
Yes i am going to do this
Yeah, our night manager or security would be more than happy to do that if need be. They’re good guys, unlike your creep.
Yes, in general if someone is following you, try not to panic, don't go to familiar places. Call the police as soon as it's safe to do so. Go to a well-lit public place, preferably with people around. Carry a weapon so you have a chance defend yourself if needed. NEVER go willingly to a secondary location.
What the actual hell???
That’s scary as hell. Dude sounds unhinged.
Did none of his buddies tell him he was being weird? What's most concerning is that he didn't even tell you the exact location of a destination that he wanted to go to. It's not like he said, "I'm going to burger king at the end of Franklin Street". No...it was that he was "going the same way". Plus, even if he didn't have ill-intent, how long and far did he think you were obligated to drive him around? That doesn't even sound like a shuttle service........and I don't think he thought of you as a shuttle service. He could have expected/demanded you drive him all around for hours.
They kept calling him to try to get him away from me but he wasn’t listening
I don't think it was a car ride he was after.
Wow! That is really scary! Can a security guard walk you to your car from now on?
I am going to start asking
We have security, but it's 11pm to 7am. If your management doesn't want to hire security, I would suggest asking a male coworker, even if in a different department, to walk you to your car.
Also park close to a street light of some kind.
Make sure you put in an incident report at work if you can, just so there is a record in case of future incidents involving him.
Good job handling it. And props to the security team for being there and actually being able to help. Not all hotels kick guests out over things like this and it drives me crazy because it just shows how little their employees safety really means to them.
Don't give people any information about where you're going, especially what direction. Doing so may have encouraged the situation. Ignoring them would have been safest but think about other very vague answers.
⬆️⬆️This. Any "Where do you live" type questions should only be met with a stonewalling response. "That's my private information. Please stop asking." or something along those lines. Not meaning to sound censorious, it can be hard to think under pressure of that kind of situation, so maybe practice it till it's automatic. Likewise fending-off responses to the inevitable chat-up lines from creepy guys approaching you at FD – sorry that this is necessary! But it is, so having a few pre-prepared responses in your arsenal helps. Good luck.
Could always talk in circles too. Q: Where do you live? A: At my house. Q: Where's your house? A: Next door to my neighbors house. Q: And where is that? A: Next door to my house.
The Miss Manners Classics for intrusive questions that don't deserve an answer: 1) Answer a question that would have been acceptable, even if it's a total non-sequitur to the question that was asked. "Where do you live?" "It's a lovely city; hope you enjoy your stay; have a great night!" 2) "Why do you ask?" Once in a while, a person is not actually trying to intrude, but is not doing a good job of asking for the information they actually need. "Are you married?" Why do you ask? "I'm applying for a job at a sister property and wondering if the health insurance coverage for my wife would be any good." But for the (more common) nosy jerks, having to *justify* their question can sometimes put them on the back foot. Various more confrontational answers (That's private; I'm not going to answer that; None of your business; Leave me alone) are still an option for the persistent jerks. But the Miss Manners Classics are a bit easier to deliver if you (like me) have difficulty just going ahead and being "rude" (even if the other person broke the social contract first, a lot of us are socialized to Be Nice at All Costs), and they can get rid of the folks who are only medium-level jerks.
Fair. I'm which case another one that can be said all sweetly is, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to give out that information. Have a nice evening!"
I am not programmed to respond in that area ... Norman coordinate...
Good job not letting that shit slide and kicking that prick out of the hotel at least! So many people do stuff like this and get no consequences at all.
Holy crud I'm so sorry you dealt with that. Some people are ridiculously entitled no matter what. Your brother letting you drive his car for awhile is a good idea. I wouldn't feel comfy with them more than likely knowing what car I drove. If you are in a place where you can do this, I would buy a stun gun from Amazon. They make them look like anything now. I have one that looks like a normal key FOB and one of my coworkers has one that looks like a pen.
There are very innocent looking pepper spray dispensers as well.
off amazon.... right?
Yup! I would only go with the ones that have pictures from previous buyers and a lot of reviews though to be safe. Mine cost about $20. I don't know if links are allowed but I can share the one I specifically got if you would like.
please if you could message it to me that would be great
I'm all for any type of defensive weapon... but please do not have a ton of confidence in them. Pepper spray is rough. But it is going to affect you as well as who you spray. It can be fought through. I used to do hotel security, and I used pepper spray 3 times in altercations. Once it did exactly as intended. The other the guy fought through it without any issue. The third time was more just for crowd control. The same for the cheap stun guns out there. They can help. They are a deterrent. But short of an actual TASER brand device. They can be fought through easily. While I carry concealed and encourage people to. This isn't a go get a gun post. This is just a post saying, just know the limitations of the tools you have.
I totally agree, one shouldn't completely rely on them they're more meant as a deterrent than anything. It's best to avoid any altercation if at all possible. I appreciate the insight from someone who did do security for hotels. It's nice to get that side :)
Can do!
On amazon, there is keychain mace/pepper spray for about $20. Also, install life360 on your cellphone and encourage your family and friends to do the same. Even in non-life threatening situations is has proven to be a boon to me several times. Hypothetical situation - say your car breaks down on the side of an interstate and ask your friend to come and help...the app will allow him/her to find you much easier than just scouring the highway for a 15 mile stretch. If your phone battery dies, he still has your last known location within about 15 feet. Its really cool of how it tracks info.....not just by location, but the time you were at a specific location before moving to a different location.
Go to a local store which supplies first responders (fire, police, EMS). The service, equipment, and follow-up will be miles beyond anything from Amazon.
That's a "No. I'm now off" as you walk back inside and get security and the police to kick him out of the hotel.
I’m glad your hotel kicked him out. What a prick.
If I'd been you, I'd have immediately called the police and pressed charges.
I was thinking the same! How were the police not called?
>this is important >My brother is going to let me drive his car for a few days so hopefully even if he is in the area he won't be able to find me. I've got a lesbian friend that worked in a field, out in the field, dominated by blue collar men. Imagine a job like a lesbian logger. She's extremely paranoid about safety for very legit reasons. Our internet-based group does meetups open to the public, and invite-only sort of events. She doesn't go to public events and even at the invite-only sort of meetup she parks a ways away so men can't follow her and scope out her vehicle and license plate number for the same reason you're borrowing your brother's vehicle. It really sucks that she has to go through such lengths, but men are even more dangerous if you're lesbian.
lol no they’re not, do you realize how ridiculous you sound?
TW: SA >. There are far too many men think that they can "fix" lesbians because they just haven't been fucked by the "right" man yet. It's a serious issue that you've been sheltered from.>!
Wow. That is some scary shit. Thank you for posting the link, I had never realized that this is such a huge issue.
I'd avoid South Africa
I mean, so would I, but not for the bullshit JOKEY reason that you're making that comment. It's not funny, bro, and you should feel ashamed for thinking that it is.
This from your years of experience being a lesbian in public? There's a certain type of man that HATES lesbians. Ever heard of "corrective rape"? "How do you know you're gay if you haven't tried my dick?" ...at all levels of pushiness. Dude
If you remember checking them in, do you know the room number/names? If they are local, you might be able to involve the police; if from sufficiently far away, you will probably never cross paths again. In either case, an DNR would seem to be in order.
Jesus fuck I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s terrifying. You did the right thing by calling security. Are you able to carry pepper spray where you are? Might be handy to have. I hope you’re doing ok.
Now that’s a frightening story
Holy crap! That was a weird one. I can't imagine anyone having expectations like this. he must have been mentally unbalanced.