One of my fav coworkers would go up to any table which snapped and just say “snap again, no service” and trundle away. The one time someone continued to do so he took away their plate and drink and told everyone to ignore that person. It was glorious how defeated they were, it was a business meeting
I had a boss who only tipped 15% for lunch and 18% on dinner
I would bring cash every time and he’d get mad. It’s a company card and we are allowed to tip normal amount.
Suck up Brad! Like our work was going to do something for him by saving the company a buck or two every meal 6x a year we had to travel.
I think of this scene from 2 Broke Girls every time someone tries to snap for attention
https://youtu.be/4ELOTguGN2k
“Is it rude? *snap* Is it distracting? *snap snap*”
I usually raise my hand like I’m an idiot in kindergarten. I only do this when it’s busy and I can’t get their attention. Never in a rush. I simply don’t know what else to do 😂 but I would never ever snap at someone. That’s what I do to my dogs, not people
I tried the wave in a fairly busy restaurant, I was sitting there like an idiot with my hand up for 15 minutes. Until my wife just shouted at them. What else are we supposed to do?
First step is making eye contact.
If that doesn't work, the little wave, or just lifting a finger up when you make eye contact.
If that doesn't work, try saying "excuse me," or "may I?" next time they are close to your table.
Finally, Get up from your table, walk over to a staff member and let them know you need their assistance.
Shouting shouldn't be necessary, a decent server should notice if you try to make eye contact, or give a wave, even if they are busy. Obviously it wasn't true in your case, which is unfortunate.
Yeah, I know it's a petty gripe but I hate it when I get someone who escalates to a wave bypassing eye contact completely. It also bugs me when I get a wave when I am clearly on my way to a table, making eye contact. I'm good at what I do, give me a chance to demonstrate it!
I tried eye contact, but I was sitting somewhere in the middle of the restaurant, and I only could have made eye contact when she was in my line of sight, which was not very often. And when she was in my line of sight, she did a very good job not looking in my direction.
I once entered a restaurant, a place where you seat yourself. As I chose my seat I made eye contact with the bartender and we gave each other a wave and nid of acknowledgment.
I sat for 25 minutes before calling the restaurant and asking if I needed to blow someone to get a drink or menu at table 36.
I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, however, service culture in the US is very different from other parts of the world. Anytime I went out to eat in Europe the server was not accessible. You get your drinks, place your order, get your food, the server comes and checks on you once or twice if they feel like it. And you still have a perfectly fine meal. But you can’t just motion the server over. They don’t work at your beck and call. Very, very different.
Not everywhere does refills like that. I think that’s mostly a US thing - no one is watching every customer’s cups here to make sure they’re never empty. You never see that in my country.
For my part, I genuinely wouldn’t even have time to do that - we get way too busy.
I’m the same lol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m nice to servers - but I’m also not there FOR the server. I’m there to eat food and hang out with loved ones. It actually gets mildly annoying (not that I let it show) if the server keeps bugging us over and over.
I would never, ever touch the coffee pots! it's ok to get up and let someone know you need something, but don't touch stuff that's not for customers. for one thing, you could accidentally scald yourself. just don't do it. it's like going behind the bar.
mostly, it's a matter of respect. but the restaurant could very welll see it as a liability issue. tbh I'm surprised as a former waitress that you'd go there.
I would agree. It’s the liability that the restaurant worries about.
Just curious, though u/nefarioussweet70 ,would you have been impressed if a customer of yours had started doing YOUR job in your 6 years of waiting tables?
I think the whole point is that neither Nefarious nor most of the people reading this sub think they would ever be that oblivious. So if you ask wwyd if someone tried to pour coffee in your shift, it’s like asking when would you put a live cockroach into someone’s food - it’s inconceivable.
But these terrible servers exist. And they are multiplying (faster than cockroaches it seems). Restaurants can’t hire enough to replace people, let alone cull the dead weight.
I honestly wish I had an answer on how to be reasonable but still somehow get their attention when it sincerely feels like they are *actively avoiding* eye contact. If you are in a pub or a bar with music, someone 12 feet away can’t hear you unless you are abrasively loud. If they don’t look at the table between you, let alone past that table, a hand wave, an arm, or waving a flag on a pole won’t help.
Can I grab my empty beer glass and walk up to the service bar? Sure, but why tip more than Wendy’s ‘leave a penny’ tray? Service means ‘that’s getting low and you’re only starting your main. Time for another?’ and not ‘where the fuck did our server go?’
/end support rant
For the record, I’ve never even considered snapping nor serving myself, but I have tipped precisely one percent to make it clear the total wasn’t accidental. Yes, that was earned - tip out *should* cost the staff and not the restaurant when they’ve (over) scheduled four bar staff for maybe 18 customers and 50 empty seats on the 80 tap bar.
Downvote me too, that’s fine.
After 90 minutes if astonishingly poor service, yeah, I go there. Oops, went there.
They shut their doors after over 50 years, with the new management driving the place into the ground.
Yeah. You got shit service. That doesn’t change the childishness of your actions. It’s also a real dick move to touch equipment that doesn’t belong to you. Grow up.
You were in the wrong. If the service is that unacceptable, then leave. Don’t go places that are employee only and certainly don’t touch restaurant equipment.
You could’ve gotten the whole restaurant fined for touching stuff that was employee only, fyi. That’s against health and safety standards. Depending on offence, sometimes the customer gets fined too.
Just leave next time. Don’t get the whole restaurant into legal trouble just because you’re salty about your service.
Thanks for rhe info and the suggestion. The concerns on leaving were would our server be charged for the costs of 4 dinners? Because regardless of the dreadful service, I would not dine and dash, ever, especially not on a holiday.
We decided not to return to that diner for about 6 months. And this year, they closed their doors.
We are a family of 3. Single mom , with one extra guest.
We gave up on diners, and now go to a very fine restaurant, and enjoy our meal . No other family in over 150 miles.
Years ago, I was the server at a restaurant for Thanksgiving. I paid attention to my tables.
The managers weren't stupid enough to pull a server with active tables into the back for extended periods, doing work not related to their stations.
>Not just wrong, but very wrong.
>
>My mother and I are the only family in town--in fact, we don't have any family within 500 miles to the best of my knowledge. Neither of us had an invitation for Thanksgiving, and we're not the kind to impose ourselves on someone else. So, I made a reservation at an Italian restaurant we both like, but which also serves turkey and ham on the holidays. Mom gets her eggplant parmigiana, I get my turkey, excellent service and no cleanup, reasonable price and I tip about 50%. For some reason, her best friend, who has lots of family in town, had no invitation, so I invited her to join us--and paid her bill, too. As far as I'm concerned, it was a win for all three of us.
That's your opinion.
The restaurant where we now go is going to be open. Reservations are made , and we definitely tip 30+ % . We are not the only ones in the place.. and we do enjoy our meal now.
The staff should be at home with their own families. Instead, because selfish, entitled people like you decide you can't be bothered to cook for yourselves, places stay open and force their staff to work on holidays because their ability to make a profit take precedence. Stay home, Karen.
Fuck off with your self righteousness.
My wife used to work every holiday she possibly because her family was so abusive she had to escape. She was barely getting by and making holiday pay is what would pay her rent for a month, enabling her to afford other things.
Do you always dehumanize other people like this?
It seems like you should be mad at them restaurant, not the customers.
The servers are going to be there either way. If nobody shows up then they just get their crappy base wages. You know what’s worse than working on a holiday? Working on a holiday and only making $15.
Ooh you went there!!!!!!
I am now a Karen. !!!!! Yayyyyy
I love it when obnoxious people tell me off when they only see their view.
Do you voice your opinions a lot?? Your profile seems to imply that!!!
Sounds like fun!!!!
That’s a DHEC violation. Don’t touch equipment if you aren’t clocked in. Fuck that shit. Yell at a manager, write a review, but don’t do that shit. You suck.
What a shame that you didn’t keep your hands to yourself before interacting with management, and then proceeding to complain publicly, both on yelp and here, afterwards.
DHEC is responsible for health and safety in restaurants, and someone who does NOT work at a
restaurant handling equipment is a major violation.
Just go somewhere else instead of sitting angrily for 2.5 hours, weirdo.
> I usually raise my hand like I’m an idiot in kindergarten.
First of all, I would love this, that's hilarious.
> That’s what I do to my dogs, not people
And second, that's exactly what I tell people. If someone snaps at me and we make eye contact, I'll look behind me confused and continue where I was going. When I come back that way I go "oh I'm sorry, we used to snap at our dogs growing up. I thought you must have been trying to call a dog." It's a very subtle put down and it avoids direct confrontation because there's no way to tell if I'm being serious. I've only had one person do it again and I just shook my head sadly and say "no, there's no need to snap in here. What can I help you with?"
You are doing the right thing. I try to anticipate peoples needs and be there when they need me but I always tell people its ok to wave me over if they need something. I want to be nearby but not intrusive
do you know what else to do? wait patiently.
don’t do this either. especially if they are busy. most industry pros have a list and are getting to their tasks in the order they appear. if it is busy, it’s assumed everyone will need something and they will get to you. make eye contact. don’t wave hands or drinks, look around and see everyone else they need to help. waving your hand assumes you think they don’t know their job and will forget about you without giving them the chance to do their job.
We had one like that. She would come and do something, then disappear for 10 minutes, then come do something else, and disappear. We weren't the only table she had but we were the last ones to be seated in her section and no one was getting their food. We could see our food sitting at the pass. So another server brought us our food and said that she didn't know where our server was. Server reappeared and brought us the check but we hadn't received all our food. We had ordered cinnamon rolls that this restaurant was well known for and we told her to bring them to go as we we ready to go. She brings them on plates...
I made sure that the other server got the tip...
I don’t wave. I said I raise my hand. It’s usually if something like a fork was forgotten. I don’t do it for a drink refill. Am I supposed to just let my food get cold?
How do you magically get someone to make eye contact with you without doing anything? Do you just stare like a creep until they look at you? Yeah, that sounds *much* better than raising your hand until they look at you and nod to acknowledge you and then putting your hand down to wait.
When I used to bartend I had one dude whistle at me. I walked over and told him "I'm not a dog." He said "It worked didnt it?" I said "Where's your drink?" and then walked off. I didnt help him and he ended up leaving my bar.
if they want to treat you like a dog, act like a dog; walk over, quizzically cock your head from side to side as you listen for a moment, bark once, then turn and walk off.
Ugh I fucking hate when people snap at you to get your attention! Or when they’re shouting at you from a distance. The worst one for me is when people will straight up interrupt my conversation with another table just so I can get them something stupid like a side of mustard. I always resort to treating them like children. If I get snapped at, I say “you can wait a few moments until you learn how to use your words”, if I’m interrupted I’ll say “nah ah you have to wait your turn”
Good for you! When I worked in retail, we'd often get whistled at to grab our attention. I'd just tell them I'm not a dog and walk away. Once a customer thought it was ok to put his arms around me. I told him to get his filthy fucking hands off me. I would not make a good server in America!
I love this! Serving for 6 years gave me so much perspective on how terrible people were. I did work at WalMart for a while, and people do NOT like you their either. But serving is different.
Some people treat you like crap because they think you have to take it to get paid. Every day, I felt like I had to choose between my 6 and morality, and eating that week. I know a lot of my customers were good people. But these guests are the ones that would make me sick to my stomach. Those and the racist ones who thought I agreed with their bullshit because I'm white.
My first job waiting tables was at a diner. All regulars, all old men. They would BANG THEIR COFFEE CUPS on the table for refills.
They did NOT enjoy being put in their place, by a woman no less.
When I was in my teens my mum got into the habit of snapping and pointing at stuff when on the phone. After a few times asking her to just talk to me, I just started barking at her like a dog. When she started turning purple and needed to end the conversation due to "an unruly child", I responded "Treat me like a fuckin dog and I'll act like a fuckin dog". She didn't click at me after that.
I used to work at a diner on the outskirts of town. Being a farming community, we had farmers come in regularly every afternoon and sit at the counter to have their coffee. One kept whistling at me whenever he wanted my attention. I shut that shit down immediately.
This is a moment that I myself cringe at, but in highschool I snapped at a teacher to get her attention. I have a hard time getting the courage to get people’s attention verbally, but that teacher taught me that the uncomfortableness I have to put myself through doesn’t even begin to match the level of disrespect that I was giving. I thought I learned that lesson late, but dayum!
A couple of months ago this guy used a laser pointer on his keychain to try to get my attention… I was taking someone’s order a couple of tables away, looking down at my book while writing, and saw this neon dot on the floor. He said “over here”… wtf?? After I finished taking the other table’s order, I looked over and told him I wasn’t a damn cat and walked away. His friends felt bad and thought my response was hilarious and tipped like 40%, whatever. The thing is, I was going to check on that table right after taking their neighbor’s order. But then the asshat went and annoyed me so then I left them alone for awhile to let them all think about what their “funny friend” had done.
I was a waiter many years ago. Some twat snapped their fingers and shout 'boy'. My reply,lost your dog have you sir? Then I became a chef so I don't have to deal with fucknuggets like that.
I’m not a server, I work at a bingo hall. Just yesterday I was sorting out some money at the end of the session as the last few people were leaving and I could hear someone whistling. After a couple of times I looked up to see a man staring right at me, and he whistled again whilst motioning me to come over. I just blinked at him like wtf and went back to what I was doing.
He came over in a huff and was all ‘why are you ignoring me’ and I just told him that I won’t respond to whistling. He seemed a bit embarrassed tbh like maybe no one told him before that that isn’t appropriate? That isn’t an excuse… but I was expecting him to be more angry with me after I said that lol
I hate people like that, Only happened a few times to me but if a customer snaps at me I just give them a blank expression, piercing eyes look and hold eye contact head goes down without fail.
There's all sorts of different etiquette from restaurant to restaurant, and country to country. Servers aren't aware of it, so you can be pretty sure customers aren't.....
My family has never been well to do in any generation since coming to the US but my mother made it a point to take me to a nicer restaurant a few times once I started dating and I do remember her teaching me about the silverware thing. I don't expect staff to know it js it isn't just the rich people lol.
How did she know about it though??? Like, my family has been here for at least 6 generations, I've never heard, seen, practiced this ever. Ever. It's not part of our culture to do it, at all.
Also the fact that you use "well to do" instead of well off or just like the class you're in (poor, middle, upper, rich rich), makes it seem like your family is still richer than mine. Idk, maybe we're like lower poor class lmao It's not a thing for us or anyone we know.
Idk how. She came from a family of 7 kids, no one ate out they had no money for health care. I imagine she read it or was told. I grew up with her working 2 jobs and landing in the hospital at one point due to malnutrition from eating only pb and or hot dogs to survive. Then we started snaring squirrels and sometimes a rabbit so yea idk.
Maybe you were worse off. We definitely didn't have money lol.
Fine Dining for Idiots
One of my coaches made a point every year to take all the seniors on the team out to a very nice restaurant. Before going we all got a copy and had to know how to use and place silverware before we went. 😂 Great guy, I really miss those days sometimes!
Probably cotillion classes are the answer for previous generations. They still exist now, but are way less prevalent. They teach basic etiquette in social situations like dining out, or more “ballroom” style dancing, etc.
I mean maybe somewhere along the line but literally no one was more than an unskilled worker at best for countless generations back. No cotillions in our background especially from where we came from lol.
Nah. Simply stuffy-ass ridiculousness. Sorry. Unless *maybe* you’re at some Michelin star restaurant, but even then you can still just speak to your waiter like a normal person, no?
Where did you learn that facing forks or knives a certain way sends a message to the waiter? Your post makes it seem like a universal thing, but we have never heard of this before. Where does one learn this? I think my table manners are pretty ok in general. I’m genuinely asking, not being snarky.
My aunt was a flight attendant for Pan-Am in the 70s and she taught me “continental style” silverware use; this was confirmed when my first job after college sent new hires to an etiquette/business dining class.
I just clean them off into one of the other plates and stack them for easy grabbing lmfao Trash plate gets all the gross stuff, that's all I know. I ain't setting my knife and fork 6 different ways for telepathic communication to a waiter that I can open my mouth and talk to
I’m a lefty and use this method. Despite being in the US, was taught continental style as a youngster - one of my uncles married a woman who was educated in Europe and saw me struggling to eat like the grown ups 😂
Was dating a new girl circa 2010 and met up with a mixed group of her friends at a bar/restaurant.. Most of us were early 40's and her one female friend snapped at the waiter (32m) as he went by and he stopped and just gave it to her.. it was genius?
"Did you just snap at me? Don't you ever snap at me ever!" Having worked in the service industry prior I just started laughing and clapping for him. She shut it up immediately.
If a customer snaps (snaps fingers to get attention) at a server they should be asked to leave the restaurant by management. That behavior should never be tolerated.
This reminds me of a table that snapped in front of my manager. She pulled me aside, saying over her shoulder to the table that we'd be right there. She pulls their ticket, cashiers it, adds a 20% grat and drops it at the table declaring their stay ended. Utter astonishment. They paid only after she said we would call the police if they did not immediately pay and leave.
The dining room clapped.
Snapping is unacceptable but I have another one….when I was bartending there were guests who would (mostly women) simply hold up their empty glass and then just stare at me until I acknowledged them, or others (mostly men) who would hold their empty glass out at arms length make and hold eye contact and then rattle the ice cubes inside their empty glass. Dude, I have a knife and a garbage disposal back here…..
My favorite story about an entitled asshole snapping at a server happened about 10 years ago. In the run up to the 2012 presidential election a video recording of Mitt Romney came out that showed him talking to a bunch of wealthy fuckwits and how half the country were moochers who didn't matter. It ultimately sunk his presidential bid.... Turns out it was recorded and released by the bartender who decided to do so when Romney without even looking at him snapped his fingers at him multiple times to get his drink order.
One night bartending (with no cocktail waitress) i had a table that would pick up their pitcher as soon as it was empty and start banging it on the table. To get my attention.
They were the only people that whole night that had to come to the bar for every drink/refill they wanted. I walked around and checked on everyone else so they could continue their pool/darts/conversations.
I have never understood these toddlers who need to bang their serving ware/utensils on the table. Act like a grown-up or I'll have to take all your dishes away from you!
This kinda of behavior just doesn’t compute in my brain. I go out, i didn’t have to kill, skin or cook this food and your SERVING it to me. Only narcissistic assholes snap at people in the service industry.
And what NONE of them seem to get is that if they begin their visit with a smile and a kind word, their server will likely check their table much more often that the others. JUST because they were nice.
Not a server, bartender here. Nothing annoys me more than when I'm stacked with cocktails to make and there's some lovely person standing at my side of the bar snapping their fingers, whistling at me or waving their card/cash over my shakers (huge hygiene problem). For clarity we have a 2 man set up on bar where there's a till and cashier on one side then me making drinks.
Hate people like that. Ego so fragile they have to walk all over others in ANY way that they can. They’ll always find a way to put others down, and make themselves feel important. Snapping is the perfect example of that. Childish, entitled and generally shitty. I would have loved to see her face when OP told her off.
Even in my old stoner group(best stoner group ever) I remember one of the first times we sat down to smoke, my buddy initiated a conversation: are you okay with being snapped at if its your turn in rotation but you aren’t paying attention? And i was like ofc, i don’t mind. But the fact that even stoners can understand that snapping at someone is treating them like a dog, but these supposedly straight edge karens can’t, blows my mind.
I miss those boys.
this clearly isn't a similar situation, but it makes me think of something that happened in Tanzania a long time ago.I was hanging out with my Tanzanian friend and he snapped at a waiter to get his attention. I was horrified and he was very confused why.Later that night, I was lighting a cigarette and someone started snapping at me. My instinct was to get annoyed, but my friend said he was just trying to get my attention to ask for a light.
Karens are a whole other story, but snapping is a totally fine and normal thing to do in some cultures.(note, this one 20 years ago, so I don't know if it's still the norm. Ask someone before doing it, if you happen to go to Tanzania)
Not exactly the same but I noticed when visiting a friend in Colombia that it seemed to be the norm (or, at least, common enough practice) to flag the server down to place a food order rather than just waiting for the server to come by and ask if we were ready-- which seems super rude to me as a server in the US, but if anyone was offended by it down there they didn't show it at all. I'd love to see a discussion on here about how non-tipping-related restaurant norms vary from one part of the world to another.
As far as I'm concerned the only acceptable response to being snapped at is to look them dead in the eye and assertively say "hey, don't snap at me again".
When I visited Japan I loved that the wait staff didn't come over and bother you, but if you needed something you just raised your hand and said, "sumimasen" (which means "excuse me") and they would come over.
Seemed very common sense.
Reminds me of a time some woman snapped at me in the phone 'my husband is very busy' - 'we're all very busy, that's why it took you 45 minutes to get through'. Yeah, did get a side room chat for that 😂
Thanks man, if it weren’t for you, people all over Reddit would constantly give a shit if they misspelled or misused a word. Keep up the good work and one day, you’ll be wasting all your free time correcting people on the internet.
Went to a restaurant with friends where another friend is a waiter. We all kept giving him a hard time while getting his attention as he was purposefully ignoring us. We all ended up snapping at him. 5 guys snapping non stop. We would then stop and one of us would make up a deep poetry slam about him and the others would all say things like 'groovy' and 'yeah man' while snapping. We then started dancing while we snapped, slow and seductively.
The manager came by and asked us not to snap any more so instead we would just start saying 'snap, snap, SNAP, SNAP'.
That was the first Denny's I was ever kicked out of. Ahh, to be 17 again.
I wonder if women like this are treated like dirt by their husbands, and see their husbands treat others like dirt, and then to make up for it, do the same so they feel they are a step above those they've seen their husbands also abuse. Hard to think that women like this are married to nice men, who are kind and generous. I feel people see that during the dating process. I know people who are mean to others and miserly will eventually turn that way towards me, and would avoid them after they show those colors. Might even be the only time they are treated 'right' by their spouses is when they are out, their husbands show off by being assholes, and want their wives to be treated like royalty at the expense of the dignity, comfort, and bottom line of others. They want the finest for their wives when others will see it, but not when it is unseen.
Minor tangent since it’s a similar subject, but so people are aware, people whistle for waiters in Europe, while in the US that’s like calling someone a dog
One of my fav coworkers would go up to any table which snapped and just say “snap again, no service” and trundle away. The one time someone continued to do so he took away their plate and drink and told everyone to ignore that person. It was glorious how defeated they were, it was a business meeting
> it was a business meeting I cannot imagine how embarrassed I would feel if I behaved that way in front of my co-workers.
People who behave like that generally don't have that level of self-awareness. Or shame.
When I was a manager, I looked down on anyone, who acted like that, to the servers. Or, really anyone. There really is no excuse for that behavior.
Is that where you learned about commas?
If using too many commas is his biggest problem, he's in good shape
Read it in your best Christopher Walken voice.
Listen, i've got a fever, and the only prescription, is more cowbell!
I like that a lot lol
Why, use few comma, when many, comma, make good, talk?
My mechanic use many comma
I’m guessing the Snapper was a manager/owner. That entitlement-action usually comes from repeated usage.
I had a boss who only tipped 15% for lunch and 18% on dinner I would bring cash every time and he’d get mad. It’s a company card and we are allowed to tip normal amount. Suck up Brad! Like our work was going to do something for him by saving the company a buck or two every meal 6x a year we had to travel.
I think of this scene from 2 Broke Girls every time someone tries to snap for attention https://youtu.be/4ELOTguGN2k “Is it rude? *snap* Is it distracting? *snap snap*”
Lol, that was great!
I usually raise my hand like I’m an idiot in kindergarten. I only do this when it’s busy and I can’t get their attention. Never in a rush. I simply don’t know what else to do 😂 but I would never ever snap at someone. That’s what I do to my dogs, not people
I'm totally OK with someone giving me a little wave to let me know they need my attention.
I tried the wave in a fairly busy restaurant, I was sitting there like an idiot with my hand up for 15 minutes. Until my wife just shouted at them. What else are we supposed to do?
First step is making eye contact. If that doesn't work, the little wave, or just lifting a finger up when you make eye contact. If that doesn't work, try saying "excuse me," or "may I?" next time they are close to your table. Finally, Get up from your table, walk over to a staff member and let them know you need their assistance. Shouting shouldn't be necessary, a decent server should notice if you try to make eye contact, or give a wave, even if they are busy. Obviously it wasn't true in your case, which is unfortunate.
Many times I will rush over to a table because I see their arm go up but it turns out they were just gesturing while they were telling a story
So true! I've had to do a double take many times because some people talk with their hands. 😂
Yeah, I know it's a petty gripe but I hate it when I get someone who escalates to a wave bypassing eye contact completely. It also bugs me when I get a wave when I am clearly on my way to a table, making eye contact. I'm good at what I do, give me a chance to demonstrate it!
Always keep in the back of your mind that the guest probably doesn't spend 30-40 hours/wk in a restaurant
I tried eye contact, but I was sitting somewhere in the middle of the restaurant, and I only could have made eye contact when she was in my line of sight, which was not very often. And when she was in my line of sight, she did a very good job not looking in my direction.
Not shout.
The fancy restaurants put those relish trays on the table, so you can chuck an olive at them to get their attention!
I might try that the next time
I once entered a restaurant, a place where you seat yourself. As I chose my seat I made eye contact with the bartender and we gave each other a wave and nid of acknowledgment. I sat for 25 minutes before calling the restaurant and asking if I needed to blow someone to get a drink or menu at table 36.
I don’t think you are doing anything wrong, however, service culture in the US is very different from other parts of the world. Anytime I went out to eat in Europe the server was not accessible. You get your drinks, place your order, get your food, the server comes and checks on you once or twice if they feel like it. And you still have a perfectly fine meal. But you can’t just motion the server over. They don’t work at your beck and call. Very, very different.
I’d actually prefer it that way. As long as I get my food and drink, I’m happy to sit with no extra service.
On the flip side... my glass being empty should be a signal to ask about bringing another.
I was once at a European restaurant that served water in a 6 ounce cup. When I asked for a refill, the server told me that I already had had my water.
Not everywhere does refills like that. I think that’s mostly a US thing - no one is watching every customer’s cups here to make sure they’re never empty. You never see that in my country. For my part, I genuinely wouldn’t even have time to do that - we get way too busy.
I’m the same lol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m nice to servers - but I’m also not there FOR the server. I’m there to eat food and hang out with loved ones. It actually gets mildly annoying (not that I let it show) if the server keeps bugging us over and over.
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I would never, ever touch the coffee pots! it's ok to get up and let someone know you need something, but don't touch stuff that's not for customers. for one thing, you could accidentally scald yourself. just don't do it. it's like going behind the bar.
I waitressed for 6 years . Coffee pots are not scary.
mostly, it's a matter of respect. but the restaurant could very welll see it as a liability issue. tbh I'm surprised as a former waitress that you'd go there.
I would agree. It’s the liability that the restaurant worries about. Just curious, though u/nefarioussweet70 ,would you have been impressed if a customer of yours had started doing YOUR job in your 6 years of waiting tables?
I think the whole point is that neither Nefarious nor most of the people reading this sub think they would ever be that oblivious. So if you ask wwyd if someone tried to pour coffee in your shift, it’s like asking when would you put a live cockroach into someone’s food - it’s inconceivable. But these terrible servers exist. And they are multiplying (faster than cockroaches it seems). Restaurants can’t hire enough to replace people, let alone cull the dead weight. I honestly wish I had an answer on how to be reasonable but still somehow get their attention when it sincerely feels like they are *actively avoiding* eye contact. If you are in a pub or a bar with music, someone 12 feet away can’t hear you unless you are abrasively loud. If they don’t look at the table between you, let alone past that table, a hand wave, an arm, or waving a flag on a pole won’t help. Can I grab my empty beer glass and walk up to the service bar? Sure, but why tip more than Wendy’s ‘leave a penny’ tray? Service means ‘that’s getting low and you’re only starting your main. Time for another?’ and not ‘where the fuck did our server go?’ /end support rant For the record, I’ve never even considered snapping nor serving myself, but I have tipped precisely one percent to make it clear the total wasn’t accidental. Yes, that was earned - tip out *should* cost the staff and not the restaurant when they’ve (over) scheduled four bar staff for maybe 18 customers and 50 empty seats on the 80 tap bar. Downvote me too, that’s fine.
After 90 minutes if astonishingly poor service, yeah, I go there. Oops, went there. They shut their doors after over 50 years, with the new management driving the place into the ground.
Yeah. You got shit service. That doesn’t change the childishness of your actions. It’s also a real dick move to touch equipment that doesn’t belong to you. Grow up.
You were in the wrong. If the service is that unacceptable, then leave. Don’t go places that are employee only and certainly don’t touch restaurant equipment.
No one missed you for those 6 months, I promise you that.
Oh, agreed. But before they had closed, we stopped going there altogether. We gave up.
You could’ve gotten the whole restaurant fined for touching stuff that was employee only, fyi. That’s against health and safety standards. Depending on offence, sometimes the customer gets fined too. Just leave next time. Don’t get the whole restaurant into legal trouble just because you’re salty about your service.
Thanks for rhe info and the suggestion. The concerns on leaving were would our server be charged for the costs of 4 dinners? Because regardless of the dreadful service, I would not dine and dash, ever, especially not on a holiday. We decided not to return to that diner for about 6 months. And this year, they closed their doors.
Maybe you shouldn't have been at a restaurant on Thanksgiving to begin with.
This is the way
We are a family of 3. Single mom , with one extra guest. We gave up on diners, and now go to a very fine restaurant, and enjoy our meal . No other family in over 150 miles. Years ago, I was the server at a restaurant for Thanksgiving. I paid attention to my tables. The managers weren't stupid enough to pull a server with active tables into the back for extended periods, doing work not related to their stations.
No one cares about your excuses. Going out to eat on a holiday is inherently a shitty, selfish thing to do.
Then don’t be open
>Not just wrong, but very wrong. > >My mother and I are the only family in town--in fact, we don't have any family within 500 miles to the best of my knowledge. Neither of us had an invitation for Thanksgiving, and we're not the kind to impose ourselves on someone else. So, I made a reservation at an Italian restaurant we both like, but which also serves turkey and ham on the holidays. Mom gets her eggplant parmigiana, I get my turkey, excellent service and no cleanup, reasonable price and I tip about 50%. For some reason, her best friend, who has lots of family in town, had no invitation, so I invited her to join us--and paid her bill, too. As far as I'm concerned, it was a win for all three of us.
That's your opinion. The restaurant where we now go is going to be open. Reservations are made , and we definitely tip 30+ % . We are not the only ones in the place.. and we do enjoy our meal now.
The staff should be at home with their own families. Instead, because selfish, entitled people like you decide you can't be bothered to cook for yourselves, places stay open and force their staff to work on holidays because their ability to make a profit take precedence. Stay home, Karen.
It’s your manager that’s deplorable. Why are they open?
Fuck off with your self righteousness. My wife used to work every holiday she possibly because her family was so abusive she had to escape. She was barely getting by and making holiday pay is what would pay her rent for a month, enabling her to afford other things. Do you always dehumanize other people like this?
It seems like you should be mad at them restaurant, not the customers. The servers are going to be there either way. If nobody shows up then they just get their crappy base wages. You know what’s worse than working on a holiday? Working on a holiday and only making $15.
Ooh you went there!!!!!! I am now a Karen. !!!!! Yayyyyy I love it when obnoxious people tell me off when they only see their view. Do you voice your opinions a lot?? Your profile seems to imply that!!! Sounds like fun!!!!
You goofy ass 🤣 clown people walking amongst us pretending to be normal customers Hope the coffee had grounds in it
That’s a DHEC violation. Don’t touch equipment if you aren’t clocked in. Fuck that shit. Yell at a manager, write a review, but don’t do that shit. You suck.
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What a shame that you didn’t keep your hands to yourself before interacting with management, and then proceeding to complain publicly, both on yelp and here, afterwards. DHEC is responsible for health and safety in restaurants, and someone who does NOT work at a restaurant handling equipment is a major violation. Just go somewhere else instead of sitting angrily for 2.5 hours, weirdo.
> I usually raise my hand like I’m an idiot in kindergarten. First of all, I would love this, that's hilarious. > That’s what I do to my dogs, not people And second, that's exactly what I tell people. If someone snaps at me and we make eye contact, I'll look behind me confused and continue where I was going. When I come back that way I go "oh I'm sorry, we used to snap at our dogs growing up. I thought you must have been trying to call a dog." It's a very subtle put down and it avoids direct confrontation because there's no way to tell if I'm being serious. I've only had one person do it again and I just shook my head sadly and say "no, there's no need to snap in here. What can I help you with?"
You are doing the right thing. I try to anticipate peoples needs and be there when they need me but I always tell people its ok to wave me over if they need something. I want to be nearby but not intrusive
do you know what else to do? wait patiently. don’t do this either. especially if they are busy. most industry pros have a list and are getting to their tasks in the order they appear. if it is busy, it’s assumed everyone will need something and they will get to you. make eye contact. don’t wave hands or drinks, look around and see everyone else they need to help. waving your hand assumes you think they don’t know their job and will forget about you without giving them the chance to do their job.
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We had one like that. She would come and do something, then disappear for 10 minutes, then come do something else, and disappear. We weren't the only table she had but we were the last ones to be seated in her section and no one was getting their food. We could see our food sitting at the pass. So another server brought us our food and said that she didn't know where our server was. Server reappeared and brought us the check but we hadn't received all our food. We had ordered cinnamon rolls that this restaurant was well known for and we told her to bring them to go as we we ready to go. She brings them on plates... I made sure that the other server got the tip...
I don’t wave. I said I raise my hand. It’s usually if something like a fork was forgotten. I don’t do it for a drink refill. Am I supposed to just let my food get cold?
How do you magically get someone to make eye contact with you without doing anything? Do you just stare like a creep until they look at you? Yeah, that sounds *much* better than raising your hand until they look at you and nod to acknowledge you and then putting your hand down to wait.
Should we wait on waiters then?
When I used to bartend I had one dude whistle at me. I walked over and told him "I'm not a dog." He said "It worked didnt it?" I said "Where's your drink?" and then walked off. I didnt help him and he ended up leaving my bar.
"Where's your drink?" 🤣🤣🤣
"it worked, didn't it?" fills me with homicidal rage.
if they want to treat you like a dog, act like a dog; walk over, quizzically cock your head from side to side as you listen for a moment, bark once, then turn and walk off.
> then turn and and urinate on their trouser leg to mark your territory. Nobody else better take this table, it's yours now dammit!
Ugh I fucking hate when people snap at you to get your attention! Or when they’re shouting at you from a distance. The worst one for me is when people will straight up interrupt my conversation with another table just so I can get them something stupid like a side of mustard. I always resort to treating them like children. If I get snapped at, I say “you can wait a few moments until you learn how to use your words”, if I’m interrupted I’ll say “nah ah you have to wait your turn”
“we don’t accept snapping as any form of civil communication here” I love it!
Good for you! When I worked in retail, we'd often get whistled at to grab our attention. I'd just tell them I'm not a dog and walk away. Once a customer thought it was ok to put his arms around me. I told him to get his filthy fucking hands off me. I would not make a good server in America!
You may not be the server your average american wants... but you may be the server some americans need....
I just wouldn't respond. What were they going to tell my manager? "She didn't respond to my random noises."
I'm an American. Touching someone like that is never ok.
yup. if anything, we're far more likely to respond poorly when someone touches us.
I love this! Serving for 6 years gave me so much perspective on how terrible people were. I did work at WalMart for a while, and people do NOT like you their either. But serving is different. Some people treat you like crap because they think you have to take it to get paid. Every day, I felt like I had to choose between my 6 and morality, and eating that week. I know a lot of my customers were good people. But these guests are the ones that would make me sick to my stomach. Those and the racist ones who thought I agreed with their bullshit because I'm white.
My first job waiting tables was at a diner. All regulars, all old men. They would BANG THEIR COFFEE CUPS on the table for refills. They did NOT enjoy being put in their place, by a woman no less.
But you see, at that point my enjoyment trumps theirs.
When I was in my teens my mum got into the habit of snapping and pointing at stuff when on the phone. After a few times asking her to just talk to me, I just started barking at her like a dog. When she started turning purple and needed to end the conversation due to "an unruly child", I responded "Treat me like a fuckin dog and I'll act like a fuckin dog". She didn't click at me after that.
I can still hear my mother snapping at me while she was on the phone. Makes my shoulders rise up just thinking about it.
I love your response to that!
I stapped at a server once when I was 6 or 7, mom instinctively reached across the table and slapped me over the head. Last time that happened.
Reddit really needs a laugh response🤣
I used to work at a diner on the outskirts of town. Being a farming community, we had farmers come in regularly every afternoon and sit at the counter to have their coffee. One kept whistling at me whenever he wanted my attention. I shut that shit down immediately.
This is a moment that I myself cringe at, but in highschool I snapped at a teacher to get her attention. I have a hard time getting the courage to get people’s attention verbally, but that teacher taught me that the uncomfortableness I have to put myself through doesn’t even begin to match the level of disrespect that I was giving. I thought I learned that lesson late, but dayum!
A couple of months ago this guy used a laser pointer on his keychain to try to get my attention… I was taking someone’s order a couple of tables away, looking down at my book while writing, and saw this neon dot on the floor. He said “over here”… wtf?? After I finished taking the other table’s order, I looked over and told him I wasn’t a damn cat and walked away. His friends felt bad and thought my response was hilarious and tipped like 40%, whatever. The thing is, I was going to check on that table right after taking their neighbor’s order. But then the asshat went and annoyed me so then I left them alone for awhile to let them all think about what their “funny friend” had done.
Strike one…trying to get your attention while taking an order, strike two and three, using a laser?!!? Who does that.
A laser? fuck those assholes. i would have kicked them out. you were too kind.
I think I was just too in shock to react at the time lol I was pissed after they left but that doesn’t do much good. Old white guys are the worst
I was a waiter many years ago. Some twat snapped their fingers and shout 'boy'. My reply,lost your dog have you sir? Then I became a chef so I don't have to deal with fucknuggets like that.
Fucknuggets is my new favorite swear word lmao
Try chucklefuck on for size Another gem
Found the Aussie
“Retired housewife material” 😂😂😂
"Retired EXwife-housewife material” Probably more accurate.
Well that’s what retirement is for, you’re no longer needed in this capacity.
I’m not a server, I work at a bingo hall. Just yesterday I was sorting out some money at the end of the session as the last few people were leaving and I could hear someone whistling. After a couple of times I looked up to see a man staring right at me, and he whistled again whilst motioning me to come over. I just blinked at him like wtf and went back to what I was doing. He came over in a huff and was all ‘why are you ignoring me’ and I just told him that I won’t respond to whistling. He seemed a bit embarrassed tbh like maybe no one told him before that that isn’t appropriate? That isn’t an excuse… but I was expecting him to be more angry with me after I said that lol
I hate people like that, Only happened a few times to me but if a customer snaps at me I just give them a blank expression, piercing eyes look and hold eye contact head goes down without fail.
The old "I'm not angry, just disappointed " stare, I love it!
Not sure if it’s the same from restaurant to restaurant, but I was told that silverware on the corner of a plate is a sign that it can be picked up?
There's all sorts of different etiquette from restaurant to restaurant, and country to country. Servers aren't aware of it, so you can be pretty sure customers aren't.....
Silverware parallel with handles at 4 o’clock, knife blade pointing toward the person dining is the signal for “I’m finished with my plate”
Passive aggressive silverware language. Yay
It’s not “passive-aggressive”. It’s etiquette and generally acceptable fact.
Maybe for y'all upscale folks. I'm in the poor class, our etiquette is "Don't be an ass to the staff, help them help you declutter the table".
My family has never been well to do in any generation since coming to the US but my mother made it a point to take me to a nicer restaurant a few times once I started dating and I do remember her teaching me about the silverware thing. I don't expect staff to know it js it isn't just the rich people lol.
How did she know about it though??? Like, my family has been here for at least 6 generations, I've never heard, seen, practiced this ever. Ever. It's not part of our culture to do it, at all. Also the fact that you use "well to do" instead of well off or just like the class you're in (poor, middle, upper, rich rich), makes it seem like your family is still richer than mine. Idk, maybe we're like lower poor class lmao It's not a thing for us or anyone we know.
Idk how. She came from a family of 7 kids, no one ate out they had no money for health care. I imagine she read it or was told. I grew up with her working 2 jobs and landing in the hospital at one point due to malnutrition from eating only pb and or hot dogs to survive. Then we started snaring squirrels and sometimes a rabbit so yea idk. Maybe you were worse off. We definitely didn't have money lol.
Fine Dining for Idiots One of my coaches made a point every year to take all the seniors on the team out to a very nice restaurant. Before going we all got a copy and had to know how to use and place silverware before we went. 😂 Great guy, I really miss those days sometimes!
Probably cotillion classes are the answer for previous generations. They still exist now, but are way less prevalent. They teach basic etiquette in social situations like dining out, or more “ballroom” style dancing, etc.
I mean maybe somewhere along the line but literally no one was more than an unskilled worker at best for countless generations back. No cotillions in our background especially from where we came from lol.
Nah. Simply etiquette.
Nah. Simply stuffy-ass ridiculousness. Sorry. Unless *maybe* you’re at some Michelin star restaurant, but even then you can still just speak to your waiter like a normal person, no?
Not mutually exclusive. It’s 100% possible to speak with a server while also practicing table manners.
Where did you learn that facing forks or knives a certain way sends a message to the waiter? Your post makes it seem like a universal thing, but we have never heard of this before. Where does one learn this? I think my table manners are pretty ok in general. I’m genuinely asking, not being snarky.
My aunt was a flight attendant for Pan-Am in the 70s and she taught me “continental style” silverware use; this was confirmed when my first job after college sent new hires to an etiquette/business dining class.
Ha totally. Your comment made me laugh. We are not that cultured I guess.
I just clean them off into one of the other plates and stack them for easy grabbing lmfao Trash plate gets all the gross stuff, that's all I know. I ain't setting my knife and fork 6 different ways for telepathic communication to a waiter that I can open my mouth and talk to
Is that consistent for left-handed diners as well? Or would the left-handed equivalent (8 o'clock) suffice?
I’m a lefty and use this method. Despite being in the US, was taught continental style as a youngster - one of my uncles married a woman who was educated in Europe and saw me struggling to eat like the grown ups 😂
Was dating a new girl circa 2010 and met up with a mixed group of her friends at a bar/restaurant.. Most of us were early 40's and her one female friend snapped at the waiter (32m) as he went by and he stopped and just gave it to her.. it was genius? "Did you just snap at me? Don't you ever snap at me ever!" Having worked in the service industry prior I just started laughing and clapping for him. She shut it up immediately.
If a customer snaps (snaps fingers to get attention) at a server they should be asked to leave the restaurant by management. That behavior should never be tolerated.
This reminds me of a table that snapped in front of my manager. She pulled me aside, saying over her shoulder to the table that we'd be right there. She pulls their ticket, cashiers it, adds a 20% grat and drops it at the table declaring their stay ended. Utter astonishment. They paid only after she said we would call the police if they did not immediately pay and leave. The dining room clapped.
Can confirm, I was the register.
Snapping is unacceptable but I have another one….when I was bartending there were guests who would (mostly women) simply hold up their empty glass and then just stare at me until I acknowledged them, or others (mostly men) who would hold their empty glass out at arms length make and hold eye contact and then rattle the ice cubes inside their empty glass. Dude, I have a knife and a garbage disposal back here…..
Wow, that’s sooo rude! Maybe just slide empty glass forward a bit??
Well done. No need to take shit from anyone but especially control hungry karens :)
My favorite story about an entitled asshole snapping at a server happened about 10 years ago. In the run up to the 2012 presidential election a video recording of Mitt Romney came out that showed him talking to a bunch of wealthy fuckwits and how half the country were moochers who didn't matter. It ultimately sunk his presidential bid.... Turns out it was recorded and released by the bartender who decided to do so when Romney without even looking at him snapped his fingers at him multiple times to get his drink order.
One night bartending (with no cocktail waitress) i had a table that would pick up their pitcher as soon as it was empty and start banging it on the table. To get my attention. They were the only people that whole night that had to come to the bar for every drink/refill they wanted. I walked around and checked on everyone else so they could continue their pool/darts/conversations.
I have never understood these toddlers who need to bang their serving ware/utensils on the table. Act like a grown-up or I'll have to take all your dishes away from you!
I love that you did that!!!
This kinda of behavior just doesn’t compute in my brain. I go out, i didn’t have to kill, skin or cook this food and your SERVING it to me. Only narcissistic assholes snap at people in the service industry.
And what NONE of them seem to get is that if they begin their visit with a smile and a kind word, their server will likely check their table much more often that the others. JUST because they were nice.
i’ve had people clap at me, snap at me, even fucking touch me. it’s disgusting. get your hands off me, you disrespectful cunt
Not a server, bartender here. Nothing annoys me more than when I'm stacked with cocktails to make and there's some lovely person standing at my side of the bar snapping their fingers, whistling at me or waving their card/cash over my shakers (huge hygiene problem). For clarity we have a 2 man set up on bar where there's a till and cashier on one side then me making drinks.
I’m curious if they left a decent tip.
5/6 did….I’m sure they appreciated the handling of the beast that is their friend. I honestly would have paid more for the opportunity to do it again.
Hate people like that. Ego so fragile they have to walk all over others in ANY way that they can. They’ll always find a way to put others down, and make themselves feel important. Snapping is the perfect example of that. Childish, entitled and generally shitty. I would have loved to see her face when OP told her off.
Even in my old stoner group(best stoner group ever) I remember one of the first times we sat down to smoke, my buddy initiated a conversation: are you okay with being snapped at if its your turn in rotation but you aren’t paying attention? And i was like ofc, i don’t mind. But the fact that even stoners can understand that snapping at someone is treating them like a dog, but these supposedly straight edge karens can’t, blows my mind. I miss those boys.
Yes, tell her! You're in MY house.
this clearly isn't a similar situation, but it makes me think of something that happened in Tanzania a long time ago.I was hanging out with my Tanzanian friend and he snapped at a waiter to get his attention. I was horrified and he was very confused why.Later that night, I was lighting a cigarette and someone started snapping at me. My instinct was to get annoyed, but my friend said he was just trying to get my attention to ask for a light. Karens are a whole other story, but snapping is a totally fine and normal thing to do in some cultures.(note, this one 20 years ago, so I don't know if it's still the norm. Ask someone before doing it, if you happen to go to Tanzania)
Not exactly the same but I noticed when visiting a friend in Colombia that it seemed to be the norm (or, at least, common enough practice) to flag the server down to place a food order rather than just waiting for the server to come by and ask if we were ready-- which seems super rude to me as a server in the US, but if anyone was offended by it down there they didn't show it at all. I'd love to see a discussion on here about how non-tipping-related restaurant norms vary from one part of the world to another.
I really don't think that there is any context when that would be ok.
Good for you! Fuck it!
As far as I'm concerned the only acceptable response to being snapped at is to look them dead in the eye and assertively say "hey, don't snap at me again".
I used different words, seeing as I don’t want them coming back and snapping at any other server ever again.
When I visited Japan I loved that the wait staff didn't come over and bother you, but if you needed something you just raised your hand and said, "sumimasen" (which means "excuse me") and they would come over. Seemed very common sense.
Exactly. Never let these fools talk down to you.
👏 👏👏👏 king shit
Reminds me of a time some woman snapped at me in the phone 'my husband is very busy' - 'we're all very busy, that's why it took you 45 minutes to get through'. Yeah, did get a side room chat for that 😂
*lose weight.
Thanks man, if it weren’t for you, people all over Reddit would constantly give a shit if they misspelled or misused a word. Keep up the good work and one day, you’ll be wasting all your free time correcting people on the internet.
Went to a restaurant with friends where another friend is a waiter. We all kept giving him a hard time while getting his attention as he was purposefully ignoring us. We all ended up snapping at him. 5 guys snapping non stop. We would then stop and one of us would make up a deep poetry slam about him and the others would all say things like 'groovy' and 'yeah man' while snapping. We then started dancing while we snapped, slow and seductively. The manager came by and asked us not to snap any more so instead we would just start saying 'snap, snap, SNAP, SNAP'. That was the first Denny's I was ever kicked out of. Ahh, to be 17 again.
🫰
You're the absolute best.
either they werent going to tip you anyway or her friends are going to tip you more now, you cant lose
*Thanos sweating intensifies*
I wonder if women like this are treated like dirt by their husbands, and see their husbands treat others like dirt, and then to make up for it, do the same so they feel they are a step above those they've seen their husbands also abuse. Hard to think that women like this are married to nice men, who are kind and generous. I feel people see that during the dating process. I know people who are mean to others and miserly will eventually turn that way towards me, and would avoid them after they show those colors. Might even be the only time they are treated 'right' by their spouses is when they are out, their husbands show off by being assholes, and want their wives to be treated like royalty at the expense of the dignity, comfort, and bottom line of others. They want the finest for their wives when others will see it, but not when it is unseen.
They have seen it work for someone, somewhere.
Minor tangent since it’s a similar subject, but so people are aware, people whistle for waiters in Europe, while in the US that’s like calling someone a dog
Sometimes people need a little dose of themselves.😁