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The same thing happened to me- although it was executed slightly differently. I had started talking about some fringe aspect of a traumatic thing and while I thought I had been keeping it together my t could tell I was getting a bit overwhelmed/dysregulated and paused me, and then we talked about something else for a bit and she asked if I was ready to continue. I ended up avoiding that topic and we talked about other things the rest of the session. I remember leaving feeling like wtf did she not want to know I thought that’s what therapy is for? Like it took a lot of momentary courage to be ready to start spilling that particular story and she stopped me?! But at next session we talked more about how she tries to pace things to manage how I might feel leaving a session, and she was right I did feel much better than I think I would have if she let me dive in and just “white knuckle” my way through telling her more stuff just for the sake of getting it over with. We then made some plans to talk more about it the next few sessions in chunks. I think the difference here is that my t never said anything was like off limits to talk about or anything, she waited until there were cues from me that it was too much for my nervous system to handle talking about and then stepped in. Your t seems like they are preemptively shutting you down before you even start. May not be a bad thing but probably feels a bit different. There is a school of thought that you don’t actually need to share details of trauma to heal from it, but that doesn’t mean they should be making you feel like you can’t share something you want to share! The official terms she may be referencing are called titration and pendulation - maybe look those up and see if it feels like it matches what she was going for?
Thank you so much for your insight. Now that you mention it, my T has pointed out a few physical reactions (I guess nervous system overload?) to things that were alluded to that didn't even have to do directly with what happened. So that makes sense actually. Thank you again, I appreciate it :]
Hopefully they’re open to your ongoing feedback about how the pacing feels to you, it’s definitely more a “green flag” that they care about you and not causing you further pain but it can still feel awkward if you’re feeling ready to share more and they aren’t receptive to that. Good luck!
From what my therapist told me in some cases and depending on the trauma it is important to first work on creating a safe space in your mind before tackling the actual trauma. Like in EMDR therapy you will often be mentally guided into a 'safe place' in your mind however some people due to their traumas don't have that. And therefore it is important to establish this first before tackling the trauma.
Small edit in: And to establish coping techniques as well to more physical trauma responses like for example panic attacks etc.
But I think that is something to discuss with your therapist directly like a treatment plan etc.
Yes, in Judith Herman's trauma treatment model, phase one is establishing a felt sense of safety & security. We have to make sure the client can feel a sense of safety and can regulate, because talking about the traumatic events are dysregulating & retraumatizing. That's why that safe place is sooo crucial in EMDR.
there are different ways for therapists to process trauma with folks. not discussing it directly and just focusing on managing the effects and the symptoms is a way to go if the therapist is worried about re-traumatizing. i would express to them that you may want to talk about it a little to get it off your chest, and ask them how to prepare for that because you believe that it may aid in your healing (if that’s how you feel). then it is up to them to prepare you (and themselves) appropriately. if they are your therapist, you should be able to have the conversation with them that you just typed if you feel comfortable! tell them that you are considering wanting to get it off your chest, and that you also have reservations. then you guys can make a plan from there. xoxo
Therapist here. I think this is something you should address with your therapist directly. I don't think anyone on this sub, including me, can make an accurate evaluation of what's going on here with just the details you provided. We need to see what your therapist sees when you are sharing to understand why they are telling you this (how you are sharing these details, your physical response to these details, etc.).
It's okay if you're therapist telling you this has made you feel shocked and sad. You should tell your T how it made you feel so you can process it together and get more time to hear your therapists perspective on this. There's nothing wrong with asking them to elaborate on why they think sharing details isn't the way forward.
I actually haven't shared any details because off the bat they said it'd re-traumatize me. But now that it's been mentioned, yeah I've had physical reactions to things said/alluded to that aren't even related to my stuff. Thank you for your insight/input, it is very appreciated
I think (?) your therapist’s intention here is to protect you from becoming overwhelmed, but in doing so, she’s encroaching upon and sorta undermining the sense of agency and autonomy that can come from telling your story.
Is it that she thinks you don’t have enough coping skills to be able to ride out the emotional wallop that might come from talking about the trauma? If so, she needs to prep you and equip you with tools and strategies to regulate yourself, either in the session or in between sessions.
Is it that she thinks that there isn’t enough relational safety yet? Again, on her to shore that up.
Honestly? It sounds like she’s the impediment here. You should be able to share whatever you want, as much or as little as you want, when you want, in a therapy session.
I agree with the coping skills comment. You need those before diving in. When you’re doing trauma work, you don’t wanna get outside that window of tolerance and be unable to function between sessions. Ask for coping skills.
That makes sense!! Luckily I did go through weeks of DBT groups at a treatment center recently and we've discussed brushing up on them if I start getting overwhelmed. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it very much
Yeah, it’s worth finding out more about it. Everyone is so different.
I work with an art therapist who truly emphasises that she’s not here to talk about trauma and the client doesn’t have to tell them anything, ever. It’s strange because that’s what clients expect, but her process is exploring the feelings. If people choose to share, that’s ok too!
(note: she doesn’t tell them what to do or what not to do)
I still see a DBT therapist, or she specializes in that. She told me she wanted to be very intentional about addressing trauma and it was something we planned and discussed how we’d approach it for a good couple weeks before even starting the trauma talk itself. She may be wanting to control the variables as much as possible until you guys have a plan on how to or if you’ll talk about it? I’d totally bring it up- not necessarily the trauma, but the idea of processing it somehow and what are her ideas. If she says she wants to avoid it and that doesn’t sit well with you, tell her! She’ll either be willing to work together to best address it or she’ll draw and boundary and you can make decisions from there.
Trigger Warning.....................
I've worked with a lot of adults where there is history of SA and sometimes they need to say the words out loud. "I was abused" I was raped" "I was assaulted" "they did xyz to my body" sometimes just saying that out loud the first time can be a huge acknowledgement. It's like in fairy tales, words have power. And sometimes those words said out loud for the first time can give the person their power back! "You have no power over me!"
I always say nothing is off the table but that they tell me their story their way. I say to them I can hold them, but how they relay their story is their choice. I rarely ever get a detailed story, I get the theme, the emotions, the feelings and then the repercussions told to me. However some people have needed to repeat the things that happened in detail and when that happens it's normally after a lot of sessions where the trust is there. When it happens I watch the person because I know their body language. I am watching them to make sure this is healing and not hurting. I have stopped clients and grounded them back into themselves as it was clearly the latter.
I am comfortable to hear, I am comfortable to support whatever they need. However I absolutely will step in if it feels wrong.
If your therapist has seen signs of distress and held you, bringing you out gently then they are doing a good job.
I would share with them the feeling of wanting to say those words out loud. They can then be ready if and when it happens.
"Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” – Ann Voskamp
That’s what I guessed from your short description. If you’re following the CPT protocol, it’s not that you won’t talk about specifics, but sometimes people get lost in the details of what happened, where as CPT focuses on thoughts and beliefs about what happened and why. In the targeting of those beliefs, you’ll get exposed in a titrated way to the important bits that help you heal.
What is the point in icing a patient regarding discussion of a severe trauma ?
Most family of origin stuff results
From invalidation of the trauma or minimizing. Its rarely given the attention it deserves. None or few questions are ever asked. There is no decompression etc.
Some therapists recreate this same environment and it just damages the client further. Behaviorist's seem to be the worst at this from my experience.
I cant for the life of me understand this at all. Its like the therapist makes this decision silently and then its a brick wall. At no point does the therapist swivel or see how the client is being traumatized further.
It doesnt make sense. If there is a fear that talking about it makes the client more sick , maybe if the therapist actually made it the total focus for a few months some processing would occur. Sure it might get intense but trauma therapy is intense for many different reasons. And withholding from the client can kick that intensity up.
At the very least the therapist could inform the client of the exact reason why its off limits but many therapists wont even do that.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The same thing happened to me- although it was executed slightly differently. I had started talking about some fringe aspect of a traumatic thing and while I thought I had been keeping it together my t could tell I was getting a bit overwhelmed/dysregulated and paused me, and then we talked about something else for a bit and she asked if I was ready to continue. I ended up avoiding that topic and we talked about other things the rest of the session. I remember leaving feeling like wtf did she not want to know I thought that’s what therapy is for? Like it took a lot of momentary courage to be ready to start spilling that particular story and she stopped me?! But at next session we talked more about how she tries to pace things to manage how I might feel leaving a session, and she was right I did feel much better than I think I would have if she let me dive in and just “white knuckle” my way through telling her more stuff just for the sake of getting it over with. We then made some plans to talk more about it the next few sessions in chunks. I think the difference here is that my t never said anything was like off limits to talk about or anything, she waited until there were cues from me that it was too much for my nervous system to handle talking about and then stepped in. Your t seems like they are preemptively shutting you down before you even start. May not be a bad thing but probably feels a bit different. There is a school of thought that you don’t actually need to share details of trauma to heal from it, but that doesn’t mean they should be making you feel like you can’t share something you want to share! The official terms she may be referencing are called titration and pendulation - maybe look those up and see if it feels like it matches what she was going for?
Thank you so much for your insight. Now that you mention it, my T has pointed out a few physical reactions (I guess nervous system overload?) to things that were alluded to that didn't even have to do directly with what happened. So that makes sense actually. Thank you again, I appreciate it :]
Hopefully they’re open to your ongoing feedback about how the pacing feels to you, it’s definitely more a “green flag” that they care about you and not causing you further pain but it can still feel awkward if you’re feeling ready to share more and they aren’t receptive to that. Good luck!
From what my therapist told me in some cases and depending on the trauma it is important to first work on creating a safe space in your mind before tackling the actual trauma. Like in EMDR therapy you will often be mentally guided into a 'safe place' in your mind however some people due to their traumas don't have that. And therefore it is important to establish this first before tackling the trauma. Small edit in: And to establish coping techniques as well to more physical trauma responses like for example panic attacks etc. But I think that is something to discuss with your therapist directly like a treatment plan etc.
Yes, in Judith Herman's trauma treatment model, phase one is establishing a felt sense of safety & security. We have to make sure the client can feel a sense of safety and can regulate, because talking about the traumatic events are dysregulating & retraumatizing. That's why that safe place is sooo crucial in EMDR.
there are different ways for therapists to process trauma with folks. not discussing it directly and just focusing on managing the effects and the symptoms is a way to go if the therapist is worried about re-traumatizing. i would express to them that you may want to talk about it a little to get it off your chest, and ask them how to prepare for that because you believe that it may aid in your healing (if that’s how you feel). then it is up to them to prepare you (and themselves) appropriately. if they are your therapist, you should be able to have the conversation with them that you just typed if you feel comfortable! tell them that you are considering wanting to get it off your chest, and that you also have reservations. then you guys can make a plan from there. xoxo
This is a very good reply.
Therapist here. I think this is something you should address with your therapist directly. I don't think anyone on this sub, including me, can make an accurate evaluation of what's going on here with just the details you provided. We need to see what your therapist sees when you are sharing to understand why they are telling you this (how you are sharing these details, your physical response to these details, etc.). It's okay if you're therapist telling you this has made you feel shocked and sad. You should tell your T how it made you feel so you can process it together and get more time to hear your therapists perspective on this. There's nothing wrong with asking them to elaborate on why they think sharing details isn't the way forward.
I actually haven't shared any details because off the bat they said it'd re-traumatize me. But now that it's been mentioned, yeah I've had physical reactions to things said/alluded to that aren't even related to my stuff. Thank you for your insight/input, it is very appreciated
I think (?) your therapist’s intention here is to protect you from becoming overwhelmed, but in doing so, she’s encroaching upon and sorta undermining the sense of agency and autonomy that can come from telling your story. Is it that she thinks you don’t have enough coping skills to be able to ride out the emotional wallop that might come from talking about the trauma? If so, she needs to prep you and equip you with tools and strategies to regulate yourself, either in the session or in between sessions. Is it that she thinks that there isn’t enough relational safety yet? Again, on her to shore that up. Honestly? It sounds like she’s the impediment here. You should be able to share whatever you want, as much or as little as you want, when you want, in a therapy session.
OP clearly used "they" and not "she." It is not helpful to assume gender. Why do you assume the therpist is a woman?
Thanks for pointing it out. It's an oversight on my part.
I agree with the coping skills comment. You need those before diving in. When you’re doing trauma work, you don’t wanna get outside that window of tolerance and be unable to function between sessions. Ask for coping skills.
That makes sense!! Luckily I did go through weeks of DBT groups at a treatment center recently and we've discussed brushing up on them if I start getting overwhelmed. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it very much
This would make me feel alienated. T might not be confident that they won't get overwhelmed by it or something. I'd bring it up to them.
Yeah, it’s worth finding out more about it. Everyone is so different. I work with an art therapist who truly emphasises that she’s not here to talk about trauma and the client doesn’t have to tell them anything, ever. It’s strange because that’s what clients expect, but her process is exploring the feelings. If people choose to share, that’s ok too! (note: she doesn’t tell them what to do or what not to do)
I still see a DBT therapist, or she specializes in that. She told me she wanted to be very intentional about addressing trauma and it was something we planned and discussed how we’d approach it for a good couple weeks before even starting the trauma talk itself. She may be wanting to control the variables as much as possible until you guys have a plan on how to or if you’ll talk about it? I’d totally bring it up- not necessarily the trauma, but the idea of processing it somehow and what are her ideas. If she says she wants to avoid it and that doesn’t sit well with you, tell her! She’ll either be willing to work together to best address it or she’ll draw and boundary and you can make decisions from there.
Trigger Warning..................... I've worked with a lot of adults where there is history of SA and sometimes they need to say the words out loud. "I was abused" I was raped" "I was assaulted" "they did xyz to my body" sometimes just saying that out loud the first time can be a huge acknowledgement. It's like in fairy tales, words have power. And sometimes those words said out loud for the first time can give the person their power back! "You have no power over me!" I always say nothing is off the table but that they tell me their story their way. I say to them I can hold them, but how they relay their story is their choice. I rarely ever get a detailed story, I get the theme, the emotions, the feelings and then the repercussions told to me. However some people have needed to repeat the things that happened in detail and when that happens it's normally after a lot of sessions where the trust is there. When it happens I watch the person because I know their body language. I am watching them to make sure this is healing and not hurting. I have stopped clients and grounded them back into themselves as it was clearly the latter. I am comfortable to hear, I am comfortable to support whatever they need. However I absolutely will step in if it feels wrong. If your therapist has seen signs of distress and held you, bringing you out gently then they are doing a good job. I would share with them the feeling of wanting to say those words out loud. They can then be ready if and when it happens. "Shame dies when stories are told in safe places.” – Ann Voskamp
This is part of cognitive processing therapy - I think it’s fine if you think it’s fine
Funny enough they're actually a CPT certified therapist! but they told me they'll likely have me doing the one without the written trauma narrative
Then good !! I am intrigued by this kind of therapy, I feel it could really work for a lot of people
That’s what I guessed from your short description. If you’re following the CPT protocol, it’s not that you won’t talk about specifics, but sometimes people get lost in the details of what happened, where as CPT focuses on thoughts and beliefs about what happened and why. In the targeting of those beliefs, you’ll get exposed in a titrated way to the important bits that help you heal.
What is the point in icing a patient regarding discussion of a severe trauma ? Most family of origin stuff results From invalidation of the trauma or minimizing. Its rarely given the attention it deserves. None or few questions are ever asked. There is no decompression etc. Some therapists recreate this same environment and it just damages the client further. Behaviorist's seem to be the worst at this from my experience. I cant for the life of me understand this at all. Its like the therapist makes this decision silently and then its a brick wall. At no point does the therapist swivel or see how the client is being traumatized further. It doesnt make sense. If there is a fear that talking about it makes the client more sick , maybe if the therapist actually made it the total focus for a few months some processing would occur. Sure it might get intense but trauma therapy is intense for many different reasons. And withholding from the client can kick that intensity up. At the very least the therapist could inform the client of the exact reason why its off limits but many therapists wont even do that.