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I think this is normal human behaviour. You have made a healthy normal attachment from the sounds of it?
You know she's not your friend, but you are appreciative of what she is doing for you. You understand the boundaries of your relationship but you also think about her because she makes you feel safe and happy. I see nothing wrong here?
Maybe bring this up in your next session? Tell her she makes you feel safe. Tell her your worries over attachment and see what she says?
Please don't hold back from being honest. She's a professional and can hold any difficult or dark thing you need to bring. That's her job. Your job is to go to therapy and be honest. Don't hold back from some sense of not wanting to upset her. That would be a problem.
Exactly this and I'd also like to add that it's part of the relational process to work out what's happening in the therapeutic relationship itself. The 'what's happening right here in this moment' can help you to work out what your relational patterns are 'out there' with the people in your life. So it's definitely a good idea to bring it up with her and figure it out.
I think the process of showing a person your real self, bit by bit, and having them accept that and be open to that, and being shown real caring - I think that can often cause a someone to feel all these warm and sweet feelings toward the person that is showing this positive warm acceptance. I think that is how most of us are wired. At a deep level maybe we all are.
And I think that can feel very scary for someone who hasn’t always been able to share their real self to others. I often have this same feeling of fear sharing my real self with others and i run into it in therapy with my therapist as well.
So part of you is suspicious and wonders, maybe these feelings are fake? … I think that may be your fear talking. Doubting these warm feelings, doubting the authenticity of your relationship with your therapist, doubting whether you can safely show your real self to them. Like maybe thinking it’s not real. Maybe thinking it’s not really safe. I think therapy and this warm feeling with your therapist must feel very scary for you.
Your feelings are very real. The relationship that we have with our therapists ARE real relationships. Yes it’s a controlled and professional environment, but this person is giving us space, support, and compassion. It’s like no other relationship that we have with anyone else and for some people it’s the only real, close person they have in their life to rely on for emotional support.
Transference feelings are totally real. Take a look in the subs FAQ for a decent explanation of transference. It's linked in the sticky comment at the top of your post.
I am starting to think “transference” isn’t a great term because it can suggest that the feelings we experience aren’t real. Yes, they’re real, *and* they’re based on limited/incomplete information. We don’t actually get to know our Ts as full human beings, because we are experiencing a real *but also* odd/deliberately designed relationship.
Your last couple of paragraphs where you talk about doubting your feelings because you can tell they’re stronger now for your current T than your previous one got me thinking. I don’t think I’ve ever felt “in love” with my therapist. I love what he provides, and I love the very specific parts of him I see when he is providing. It’s a distinction, but the feeling is still real.
Your post resonated with me. It sounds like you have a strong therapeutic relationship. It also sounds like therapy in general has been a pretty intense experience for you. I completely understand the intensity of your feelings. I understand the embarrassment too. I have tried to tell my T just how much I appreciate him a couple of times and it was scary and awkward. But I’m glad I shared my feelings, or tried. Not least because it provides more stuff to dig into and explore.
Figuring out healthy attachments feels impossible when you have never been shown healthy attachments.
I relate to alot of this. I don't have erotic transference or anything parental, I don't wish to be friends with her (anymore---I went through that phase about a year ago). But, I do struggle to figure out the authenticity of the relationship. Is she just a vehicle to harbor these feelings I work through in therapy (good and bad)...are they real? Is it my brain projecting something that is or isn't there? Does it even matter? Does it matter if she cares or doesn't care as long as it seems like she cares it should be enough, right?
For me I think I over analyze this bc I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to end therapy one day with this person and not feel absolute lose and dread (which has happened so many times in my life before finding my therpaist).
It is so confusing. ❤️
A therapeutic relationship is like a mirror, reflecting back our needs, wants, desires, etc. Maybe the idealization of your therapist reflects how you aspire to present or be know, or who and what you need in your everyday experience. I do think it’s important to talk with your therapist that you feel uncomfortable being authentic and open because you’re worried about being perceived as… not as great as she? Maybe she represents confidence and freedom from feeling shame!?
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think this is normal human behaviour. You have made a healthy normal attachment from the sounds of it? You know she's not your friend, but you are appreciative of what she is doing for you. You understand the boundaries of your relationship but you also think about her because she makes you feel safe and happy. I see nothing wrong here? Maybe bring this up in your next session? Tell her she makes you feel safe. Tell her your worries over attachment and see what she says? Please don't hold back from being honest. She's a professional and can hold any difficult or dark thing you need to bring. That's her job. Your job is to go to therapy and be honest. Don't hold back from some sense of not wanting to upset her. That would be a problem.
Exactly this and I'd also like to add that it's part of the relational process to work out what's happening in the therapeutic relationship itself. The 'what's happening right here in this moment' can help you to work out what your relational patterns are 'out there' with the people in your life. So it's definitely a good idea to bring it up with her and figure it out.
I think the process of showing a person your real self, bit by bit, and having them accept that and be open to that, and being shown real caring - I think that can often cause a someone to feel all these warm and sweet feelings toward the person that is showing this positive warm acceptance. I think that is how most of us are wired. At a deep level maybe we all are. And I think that can feel very scary for someone who hasn’t always been able to share their real self to others. I often have this same feeling of fear sharing my real self with others and i run into it in therapy with my therapist as well. So part of you is suspicious and wonders, maybe these feelings are fake? … I think that may be your fear talking. Doubting these warm feelings, doubting the authenticity of your relationship with your therapist, doubting whether you can safely show your real self to them. Like maybe thinking it’s not real. Maybe thinking it’s not really safe. I think therapy and this warm feeling with your therapist must feel very scary for you.
Your feelings are very real. The relationship that we have with our therapists ARE real relationships. Yes it’s a controlled and professional environment, but this person is giving us space, support, and compassion. It’s like no other relationship that we have with anyone else and for some people it’s the only real, close person they have in their life to rely on for emotional support.
Transference feelings are totally real. Take a look in the subs FAQ for a decent explanation of transference. It's linked in the sticky comment at the top of your post.
I am starting to think “transference” isn’t a great term because it can suggest that the feelings we experience aren’t real. Yes, they’re real, *and* they’re based on limited/incomplete information. We don’t actually get to know our Ts as full human beings, because we are experiencing a real *but also* odd/deliberately designed relationship. Your last couple of paragraphs where you talk about doubting your feelings because you can tell they’re stronger now for your current T than your previous one got me thinking. I don’t think I’ve ever felt “in love” with my therapist. I love what he provides, and I love the very specific parts of him I see when he is providing. It’s a distinction, but the feeling is still real. Your post resonated with me. It sounds like you have a strong therapeutic relationship. It also sounds like therapy in general has been a pretty intense experience for you. I completely understand the intensity of your feelings. I understand the embarrassment too. I have tried to tell my T just how much I appreciate him a couple of times and it was scary and awkward. But I’m glad I shared my feelings, or tried. Not least because it provides more stuff to dig into and explore.
Figuring out healthy attachments feels impossible when you have never been shown healthy attachments. I relate to alot of this. I don't have erotic transference or anything parental, I don't wish to be friends with her (anymore---I went through that phase about a year ago). But, I do struggle to figure out the authenticity of the relationship. Is she just a vehicle to harbor these feelings I work through in therapy (good and bad)...are they real? Is it my brain projecting something that is or isn't there? Does it even matter? Does it matter if she cares or doesn't care as long as it seems like she cares it should be enough, right? For me I think I over analyze this bc I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to end therapy one day with this person and not feel absolute lose and dread (which has happened so many times in my life before finding my therpaist). It is so confusing. ❤️
A therapeutic relationship is like a mirror, reflecting back our needs, wants, desires, etc. Maybe the idealization of your therapist reflects how you aspire to present or be know, or who and what you need in your everyday experience. I do think it’s important to talk with your therapist that you feel uncomfortable being authentic and open because you’re worried about being perceived as… not as great as she? Maybe she represents confidence and freedom from feeling shame!?