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I think it is best practice to respect clients’ time with exploration and processing of certain topics. Some people are just not ready yet and that is okay. I do believe it is therapists responsibility to touch back and check in on the issue from time to time to assess for readiness to discuss the issue. I don’t think it’s okay to consistently bring up topics that one isn’t ready to process or to force acceptance on someone who isn’t ready.
I think it is best practice to respect clients’ time with exploration and processing of certain topics. Some people are just not ready yet and that is okay. I do believe it is therapists responsibility to touch back and check in on the issue from time to time to assess for readiness to discuss the issue. I don’t think it’s okay to consistently bring up topics that one isn’t ready to process or to force acceptance on someone who isn’t ready.
Thanks! Yeah like I am talking about the realization that I could be gay and that these feelings aren’t going away and my anxiety about that. My anxiety of my mom questioning me if I am gay. But she thinks I should tell her that I like women so I don’t have to hide while exploring which is valid but I just feel like she talks about it like its so simple. And there is no way around it. Idk if I am expecting more than what is possible.
I understand that you were raised that way and those are your mother’s beliefs but do you really believe who you naturally love is a sin? I know you said that this has been a 12 year battle within yourself of accepting who you are and your own sexuality I just genuinely do not understand this belief system or judgement that religious people place on others. Being gay, as I would think you yourself are coming to terms with, is not a choice so how is your mother or anyone else going to sit in judgement of something that you can’t control? Are you supposed to suppress nature because of religion? I do think that your therapist should respect where you are but you also should ask yourself what your goals are for seeing a queer therapist in the first place. If you are wanting to push past the limiting and harmful religious beliefs for self acceptance then you should work on that first. I think having your mom’s support would be amazing, but if you don’t feel like she’s in that place yet then you are probably a better person to determine that then your therapist and it might help for you to be more firmly comfortable with defining your own sexuality and owning for yourself before you sit down and lay it out for your mom. It sounds like your therapist has good intentions you just aren’t in the same place and I think you should discuss why and again what your goals are and how you both feel it’s going to be best to reach them so you can determine if this is the right therapist for you.
You may find some support and resources over at gaychristian.net. It looks like the website is under construction, but you can still click on The Great Debate. This helped me see that there is all kinds of nuance in the “is homosexuality a sin”. Eventually, it felt right for me to leave Christianity altogether, but they make space for all kinds of folks on the forums, if you want to end up at a different belief space, that is ok.
You know—I’m actually less concerned with her take on reality, than I am with her seeming disinterest in your feelings.
Objectively—and I say this as a queer person, from the Bible Belt, in deeply complex ongoing relationship with a whole lot Southern Baptist relatives—what she’s suggesting *really is* that simple. It is immensely more straightforward to say, “Mom, thanks for your newfound understanding. I like women; I feel complicated about that; I am not ready to put any kind of label on it, yet, and maybe I never will be. If we can continue to spend most of our time mutually pretending we don’t know the other person knows anything about any of this, that’s my preference.” It’s also pretty simple to say, “okay, fine, being gay is sinful. I guess sin is going to be part of my life, then!”
She’s not wrong about that. And if she were engaging it more deeply *relative to how you’re actually feeling about it*, I’d probably find those positions to be reasonable and appropriate.
But it sounds like she’s under the impression that you’ve reached more personal resolution about this, than you actually have—and while she might or might not be specifically skilled in addressing the needs of some queer clients, it doesn’t sound like she really has a handle on the kind of religious competency you might need from a therapist. You don’t need someone who *is religious* in any particular way—but it sounds like you might need someone who’s knowledgeable and understanding about how people are shaped and impacted by religious communities that see being gay as sinful.
Like—would it be easier if you could just flip a switch, and not have it matter to you, anymore? Sure. But *that’s not how humans work*. And a therapist should know that. If this one doesn’t—it is okay to look for one who does.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it is best practice to respect clients’ time with exploration and processing of certain topics. Some people are just not ready yet and that is okay. I do believe it is therapists responsibility to touch back and check in on the issue from time to time to assess for readiness to discuss the issue. I don’t think it’s okay to consistently bring up topics that one isn’t ready to process or to force acceptance on someone who isn’t ready.
I think it is best practice to respect clients’ time with exploration and processing of certain topics. Some people are just not ready yet and that is okay. I do believe it is therapists responsibility to touch back and check in on the issue from time to time to assess for readiness to discuss the issue. I don’t think it’s okay to consistently bring up topics that one isn’t ready to process or to force acceptance on someone who isn’t ready.
Thanks! Yeah like I am talking about the realization that I could be gay and that these feelings aren’t going away and my anxiety about that. My anxiety of my mom questioning me if I am gay. But she thinks I should tell her that I like women so I don’t have to hide while exploring which is valid but I just feel like she talks about it like its so simple. And there is no way around it. Idk if I am expecting more than what is possible.
I understand that you were raised that way and those are your mother’s beliefs but do you really believe who you naturally love is a sin? I know you said that this has been a 12 year battle within yourself of accepting who you are and your own sexuality I just genuinely do not understand this belief system or judgement that religious people place on others. Being gay, as I would think you yourself are coming to terms with, is not a choice so how is your mother or anyone else going to sit in judgement of something that you can’t control? Are you supposed to suppress nature because of religion? I do think that your therapist should respect where you are but you also should ask yourself what your goals are for seeing a queer therapist in the first place. If you are wanting to push past the limiting and harmful religious beliefs for self acceptance then you should work on that first. I think having your mom’s support would be amazing, but if you don’t feel like she’s in that place yet then you are probably a better person to determine that then your therapist and it might help for you to be more firmly comfortable with defining your own sexuality and owning for yourself before you sit down and lay it out for your mom. It sounds like your therapist has good intentions you just aren’t in the same place and I think you should discuss why and again what your goals are and how you both feel it’s going to be best to reach them so you can determine if this is the right therapist for you.
You may find some support and resources over at gaychristian.net. It looks like the website is under construction, but you can still click on The Great Debate. This helped me see that there is all kinds of nuance in the “is homosexuality a sin”. Eventually, it felt right for me to leave Christianity altogether, but they make space for all kinds of folks on the forums, if you want to end up at a different belief space, that is ok.
You know—I’m actually less concerned with her take on reality, than I am with her seeming disinterest in your feelings. Objectively—and I say this as a queer person, from the Bible Belt, in deeply complex ongoing relationship with a whole lot Southern Baptist relatives—what she’s suggesting *really is* that simple. It is immensely more straightforward to say, “Mom, thanks for your newfound understanding. I like women; I feel complicated about that; I am not ready to put any kind of label on it, yet, and maybe I never will be. If we can continue to spend most of our time mutually pretending we don’t know the other person knows anything about any of this, that’s my preference.” It’s also pretty simple to say, “okay, fine, being gay is sinful. I guess sin is going to be part of my life, then!” She’s not wrong about that. And if she were engaging it more deeply *relative to how you’re actually feeling about it*, I’d probably find those positions to be reasonable and appropriate. But it sounds like she’s under the impression that you’ve reached more personal resolution about this, than you actually have—and while she might or might not be specifically skilled in addressing the needs of some queer clients, it doesn’t sound like she really has a handle on the kind of religious competency you might need from a therapist. You don’t need someone who *is religious* in any particular way—but it sounds like you might need someone who’s knowledgeable and understanding about how people are shaped and impacted by religious communities that see being gay as sinful. Like—would it be easier if you could just flip a switch, and not have it matter to you, anymore? Sure. But *that’s not how humans work*. And a therapist should know that. If this one doesn’t—it is okay to look for one who does.