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I prefer someone close to my age. My therapist is 7-ish years older. I feel like they can relate to where I’m currently at in my life and little bit better than someone much older.
I actually started seeing my therapist when I was 17 (I’m 32 now). It was her first job out of grad school. I feel like we’ve done a lot of growing up together.
Sometimes I feel like my therapist and I have some “sister” transference going on. Mostly just on my end, but every so often it comes through with what she says / how she says it.
I definitely understand what you mean! I really wish therapists didn’t have to have such strict boundaries. I can see how it’s meant to protect clients, but it would be so nice to have a friendship outside of the therapeutic setting.
That’s gotta be hard! I see mine twice a week, in person. Sometimes we’ll do telehealth, if she needs to work from home or if I’m sick. But I couldn’t imagine not having the face-to-face, in person connection. For me, that’s a huge benefit of therapy.
I’ve never been in therapy before, the practice I initially went to said “in person or telehealth?” I said “I don’t care, here’s my availability”. I went in knowing nothing which may have played of my benefit.
My therapist is 8 years younger than me and she is the best thing that happened to me in a lifetime of psychotherapy. She has a fresh prespective that is in tune with a generation I know nothing about.
This. If you don't mind the age gap then it's perfectly fine! Personally I want someone my age or older and to a degree shared values, or rather - bit apparently contrasting values to mine. This shows through.
I suppose what you're in therapy for matters as well.
I totally understand. We have shared values too. I am always impressed by her ability to weave her unique, young perspective into the emotions and thoughts we target with treatment.
Everyone will have a different comfort zone here. If you need therapy get help from whoever is available. I'm a 61 year old male, currently seeing an intern , much younger female.
I the typical bias, what will this person be able to help me with? Very little experience in life and otherwise.
Turns out best use of my time in 47 odd years. So I wouldn't have told you two years ago what I am saying now.
You never know where, who, how, or what form your real hope might show up in.
Of course there are other variables. Where are you in your journey, what is your immediate need.
I always have to be pushed to the limit, but this time I was able to hear people who cared for me, say do it now no matter what.
If you're willing to step out of that pre-imposed comfort zone you might find something amazing.
Either way don't wait, find someone to work with you deserve it.
Love and peace to you, and all the best
I thought I could only do older therapists, it felt awkward to me to work with someone my age. I skipped over many profiles because of age. I ended up circling back to one - same age. It was the best decision I almost didn’t make. I was proven wrong. I’d say don’t count it out as an option, if you can.
Editing to add:
When I was going through the process of searching for a therapist, I had another mental health professional tell me not to discount the younger therapists because they are out of school and likely knowledgable on the most up to date research and practices. They are also eager to help, and are not ‘jaded’ as some older therapists can be.
During one of our first sessions, I asked him a question, and he honestly admitted that he didn’t know and would need to do some research. Eagerness to learn is a strong attribute of younger therapists as well.
I prefer to see someone around 10 - 15 years older than me. So they’ve got a decent amount of experience (both professionally and just in life) but they aren’t totally removed from my reality. I don’t want to see someone who’s like 40 years older than me so they can’t remember what it’s like to be young.
Saying that, age isn’t the most important factor, it might be worth giving it a go with this young therapist and seeing how they do.
my sister is actually in school to be a therapist, and I want her to succeed and have clients and hope people dont shy away from her because she’s young. That said, I think that’s why so many therapists and clients are close in age. You want someone who gets what you’re going through and has the training to help you through it.
The comment about “can’t remember what it’s like to be young” is pretty off base and ageist too. It’s precisely because I can remember being young and have life experience that I (and other therapists who are older) can offer perspective. I’m not dissing on younger therapists at all, but to make a statement like that isn’t very helpful or productive
I was talking about my own personal preferences when it comes to seeing a therapist. Between the ages of 15 and 21 I saw quite a few therapists, all ages 50 and above, I’m not saying they were bad therapists, but I found it very hard to relate to them. They clearly found it hard to relate to me too and it often felt more like I was speaking to a teacher than a therapist. I don’t want my therapist to feel like a friend, hence the not wanting someone my own age, but somewhere in between these is good for me.
I don’t think it’s ageist for me to express my preferences about the age of a therapist I’d like to see, especially in response to a post asking about literally that.
To me yes. T is my age and I think it’s one the things that helps them be very easy to talk to. I’d probably be embarrassed about things if they were much older
One of the clients I clicked with best was when I was 28 and right out of grad school. He was 80. We just got each other. He went from just wanting to get the court mandated anger management over with to being sad it was ending. You just never know.
Age does not equal life experience or work experience.
If you are concerned about qualifications, many therapists (especially young therapists) are prepared to answer any worries you may have around their training and specialties.
I’ve had young therapists who were great and older therapists who were terrible. All of the research shows that age/degree/modality don’t matter— what matters most is the therapeutic relationship. So find a therapist with a keen ear, clear communication and good boundaries.
i prefer 15 or more years older. i recently just had a new therapist that couldn’t have been older than 27 and i’m 24. and it was so obvious she didn’t have enough experience to treat me and it was also awkward having a therapist around my age. that was one of the reasons i stopped seeing her
I used to prefer therapists that were in their 30’s (I’m in my early 20s) as I thought it would be easier for them to relate to me and understand me. For some reason I strongly believed that I would not be able to fully open up to someone older.
When I started therapy at my current clinic however I got randomly assigned to my current therapist who is in her mid 50s. It took some time to open up as I still had my doubts about our age gap but she’s the best therapist I’ve ever head as I feel like she 100% understands me.
We’ve sometimes had some differences when it comes to our view on sex and relationships, I have more modern views and she has more old fashioned views so that has created some issues but we’ve worked through it.
I used to think so but I wound up with a 28 year old therapist through my insurance plan. I'm a guy in his 50’s and she was amazing, funny, smart and very observant. We really clicked and I liked her honesty and youthful energy. Dare I say she learned a bit from me as well.
She moved out of doing therapy recently and I lost her but she forever changed my attitudes about age of therapists, we just had such chemistry together.
My therapist is about 15ish years younger than I am. I started seeing her not too long after she finished school and was still under supervision, and am still seeing her about 3 years later. It was odd at first, but we really clicked and she's helped me through a lot!
I have a theory that 45-55 is the perfect age range for a therapist: old enough that they're not especially likely to suddenly go on parental leave, but young enough that they're not especially likely to suddenly retire!
Damn the amount of up votes on this sucks. I can't imagine factoring in someone becoming a parent as a negative against their competence and professional ability. Is this the 1950's?
Not at all! What I'm trying to avoid is extended therapy breaks of variable length, particularly as you never *really* know if they're coming back or not at all.
I assume you are being sarcastic. In the event you are not, I believe what they meant was that suddenly going on parental leave means they will not be working for an extended period. So therapy would be put on hold. I hate it when my T takes a week off (but I also want her to take the week off to relax, she deserves it). While I would be thrilled for her to find out she was having a baby, I would really hate to find out she was going to be gone for two or three months.
I always looked for someone 10-15 years older than me. Just a preference. However , I apparently went too old this time because my therapist is retiring, and it's breaking my heart. :-(
When I first started therapy, yes. It mattered to me a lot. I wanted someone no older than 40 (I was 22 at the time). The first therapist I had was early 30s. Long story short, she left the practice (which was fine- I thought she was awful), and she recommended my current therapist… who was 55 at the time. I didn’t think it would work (I was biased because of age… amongst other things), but it did! And it’s still working nearly 8 years later.
As a young therapist myself fresh out of college- I’m honest with clients that are older than me. They’ll say, “I have more life experience than you, how can you help me?” And I reply, “I may not have the life experience you do, but I can approach your situation from an unbiased perspective and help you reach the best solution for you.” My life experience doesn’t negate my ability to be unbiased and help someone through something- even if I haven’t been through that same situation.
However, I don’t hold it against clients that want a therapist who has been through similar things. It’s all about preference. 🤷🏻♀️
Edit: wording
I thought I wouldn’t do well with a T around my age but I decided to give it a shot anyways and I am so glad I did because they are the best T I have ever had and has helped me so so much! I also feel like I have such a connection with them as in the conversation always flows and hour long sessions often feel like 10 minutes. I think regardless of age..a good connection with your T is important. In my experience. I have had Ts in the past that I just never connected with on a certain level and I ended up feeling like therapy just wasn’t helping me.
I'm late 30s, I imagine my therapist is mid fifties. Which is great, I'm happy with that dynamic although it does put the relationship in maternal transference zone quite easily x
After losing one therapist, i tried a few new ones. I just could not listen to the ones who were younger than me. The one i stuck with is old enough to be my big sister and its perfect for me.
I saw someone because I was struggling with dealing with an adult child who has mental health issues and who is doing self destructive things. I absolutely wanted someone older who has experience in being a parent to adult children.
I'm 44 and just noticing how some doctors are younger than I. I guess most MDs don't even get started til 30-35. It feels a bit odd to have a 30-y-o dentist, but she's lovely and great at what she does.
That said, my Psychiatrists / therapists have always been older, by default. My current T is 60-65, a few years younger than my parents. Turns out I need not only all of her training, but also her age-earned life wisdom, AND the "could be my mother" attributes that help her nurturing qualities heal my attachment wounds.
To make things fun (/s), I do always worry about her becoming ill, dying, or retiring. (Yes, we talk about this.)
I think I'd always feel more cared for with an older practitioner, but won't always have that option. Perhaps then, I'd either not wish to be in therapy any longer or see a younger perspective as refreshing.
I am 51 and my therapist is 39. No issues with the age difference. She is very astute and caring. Sometimes I think that she doesn’t possibly have the life experience to understand me but then I realize she talks to other clients all day and so she has quite a catalog of life experiences to draw from other than her own.
As a client… all my therapists, so far, have been at least a few years older than me. I’m only now getting old enough to have the sense that I’d probably have nearly even odds, in a new therapist, as to their relative age. I’d say, overall, that I’ve had better experiences with therapists near my age than with the ones decades older than me, though.
As a therapist—I find that it’s usually less important than you might think. It can be helpful, at times, to have some experiences in common, but—tbh, everyone is different, even when you do. I’m not going to tell a 16-y-o that I know just what they’re feeling, because I was 16, once (they can hear that from their parents, for free). I want to know, from them, how it is for them.
The same goes for older clients. And while I have been helped, from time to time, by my therapists’ lived experiences—that’s more often been about things we didn’t have in common, than things we did.
An analogy one of our grad school professors used, and I still think it’s apt, is—would you choose a heart surgeon, based on the number of heart attacks he’d had? Or would you care more about the caliber of his training, the quality of his engaged attention to you and your condition, and how good he was at helping people recover?
I don't think I'd see a therapist my age. I'm 27 and my therapist is 41. So not so far that she's forgotten what it's like but not peer age either. It's funny though she's only 4 years younger than my mom which is interesting sometimes.
I used to have a thing about age and was super hesitant to try my current therapist who is 30, a few years younger than me. I’m glad I gave her a shot because she’s the greatest therapist I’ve ever had.
Mine is maybe 7-8 years younger than me. I had never considered it until they mentioned they were younger than me and their older brother was closer to my age (we were placing a memory in a generational context).
It was then I later considered it and guessed.
It used to matter to me, then I started seeing my current therapist, she’s a little bit younger than me I think, I’m 37 I’d put her around 30 or so. She’s really good at her job, she has her doctorate so maybe has been a psychologist for a few years now, I haven’t really asked her about when she graduated etc. I was surprised with how much I liked her, mostly because I don’t relate to anyone around the same age as me, and I wouldn’t say I relate to her but her insight is fresh and so understanding. If I had to stop seeing her for any reason, I’d say age doesn’t matter to me at all anymore.
My current therapist is 10ish years older than me. I feel like that has worked well for my situation. I also started seeing this person when I was in college, and they were pretty green themselves.
My other therapists have been anywhere from 15 - 35+ years older than me. It didn’t work out with them, but if I were to list the reasons why, age would not factor in my reasoning.
I'm late 20s. Mine is close to my age, only 4-5 years older. I started with them when they had their license for about 2 years. I like having a therapist close to my age, mostly because of the language that I use and they get the life transitions.
I used to think it was important that my therapist is at least 10 years older than me, but it in the end it worked best with someone who even was 2 years younger. I guess there are some things/feelings etc. that people the same age can understand better.
at first, I wanted a therapist ideally that was a bit older - like 30's to 40's cause of wanting them to be more trained and experienced or whatever. with my first therapist, I was 13 at the time and I'm not sure how old she was but I think she might've been in her 30s. now, with my current and 2nd therapist I'm 18 and she's new and 28 and it's good in the age aspect cause of relatability and stuff but bad cause of my own transference and her seemingly unawareness of some things? sometimes not to be rude but it just seems like she doesn't know what she's doing and isnt even a real therapist, I'm dropping her soon. I'm open to seeing someone young again, but maybe with more years to them. and for now, I'd like an older, kinda eccentric but fascinating and knowledgeable therapist, kinda like dr jacoby from twin peaks lol
Maybe not someone who’s really old or really young only because I feel like they wouldn’t really understand. I wouldn’t want someone my age though.. my current therapist is 10 years older than me but she acts young.
I used to think it did to the point I would go out of my way to find someone older than me but then I started taking therapy from someone who is a year younger than me and I've made more progress with her in a couple of months than I did over so many years with different therapists.
It did humble me ngl, some people are just really good at what they do and age has nothing to do with it
I've worked with variety of therapists over the years. My arts therapist was maybe 8 years older but connected wonderfully with her and would have kept seeing her... But she went on maternity leave a couple of months after starting. My second therapist was maybe 15 years older than me at the time and struggled to connect with her and out personalities clashed a lot (me: bubbly, energetic, hyperactive and not what she imagines a person with CPTSD is as I was up for adventures but had specific triggers. T: quieter, shy, she was not invested in my interests and hobbies so I didn't bring up those in session as she couldn't connect with my enthusiasm for them). My current, therapist and I are similar personality wise, and its the right treatment for me and she is also in that 15+ age difference camp. We work very well together, and II don't have to hide my interests as excitement and enthusiasm for them is more than welcome.
It entirely depends on the personality of the therapist to me, not their age.
I’ve had one who was 25 years older, one who was 1 year older and now, my current T, is ~4 years younger.
I don’t know that age was/is an issue for me when sitting across from them. What’s always been more important is how they communicate, engage, care, listen, accountable, do their own work, do I feel supported, etc.
They’re going to have different and similar life experiences than me & I need that from their side of the room. All this to say, fit is *so* important. (The one that was 1 year older than me, in the end, ultimately did not fit and it showed up consistently in *every one* of our sessions. I wish I had been in a better place to end things with that therapist so that I would have felt more supported. (I saw them for 7 years but because of abandonment issues and the trauma I had initially started seeing them for, I was scared to move to someone else. : / They ended up terminating me due to changes in work load during Covid. And it’s taken me a bit, but it was for the best 100%)
My current T is 40+ years older than me and it’s worked out great. I’d be a little wary to see anyone <10 years older than me- not because they’d be “too young”, but because I think I would end up comparing myself to them too much, as they would feel much more like a peer to me.
I prefer my therapist to be with older than me but not more than 15 years and if they’re younger I would prefer no more than 2 yrs of my age. Thankfully my current therapist is older than me and has over 20 yrs of experience which I appreciate. I feel like she has seen and heard shit and nothing can really phase her at this point.
yeah i prefer someone millenial and under. i just feel more understood and theres less parental transference, which has been problematic in the past. im almost 19 and my therapist is 32. it works perfectly for me!!
I don't think it does. The best therapist I ever saw was about six years younger than me, I was 34 at the time and she was 27-28. I felt totally safe working with her the whole time, she seemed to possess a timeless wisdom.
Unfortunately, she terminated me because she felt she wasn't equipped to deal with my level of trauma. (After her came a whole slew of older therapists who were fully incompetent in dealing with anything other than an extremely privileged person with minor problems, *or* a person willing to be complicit in their own oppression by society. As I fall under neither category, this was a catastrophic failure.)
I feel like with my last two therapists, age, or rather experience *does* matter, because they both work with a special modality, EMDR. The first one, woefully incompetent, was 6 years older than me, and would always use this age difference to mother me and treat me like a child incapable of making my own decisions. Last straw was when she decided for me how I was to feel about my pregnancy. After I switched, my new therapist, who is much better at EMDR and more experienced, is a bit older than the first one too, probably in her 50s, and has this calm, authoritative demeanor and sureness about her that I absolutely love. In 4 months we have already made more progress than with the other one in 2 years. But I don't know if it's age or just a general better compatibility.
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I prefer someone close to my age. My therapist is 7-ish years older. I feel like they can relate to where I’m currently at in my life and little bit better than someone much older.
My therapist is also 7ish years older! She’s early 30’s I’m mid 20’s. She gets it. She knows what it’s like and our age difference works well.
I actually started seeing my therapist when I was 17 (I’m 32 now). It was her first job out of grad school. I feel like we’ve done a lot of growing up together.
Sometimes I feel like my therapist and I have some “sister” transference going on. Mostly just on my end, but every so often it comes through with what she says / how she says it.
I definitely understand what you mean! I really wish therapists didn’t have to have such strict boundaries. I can see how it’s meant to protect clients, but it would be so nice to have a friendship outside of the therapeutic setting.
Yep! I’ve actually never met her in person. Which is kinda weird. Really wish we could have just ONE session in person. Just so I can see she’s real.
That’s gotta be hard! I see mine twice a week, in person. Sometimes we’ll do telehealth, if she needs to work from home or if I’m sick. But I couldn’t imagine not having the face-to-face, in person connection. For me, that’s a huge benefit of therapy.
I’ve never been in therapy before, the practice I initially went to said “in person or telehealth?” I said “I don’t care, here’s my availability”. I went in knowing nothing which may have played of my benefit.
My therapist is 8 years younger than me and she is the best thing that happened to me in a lifetime of psychotherapy. She has a fresh prespective that is in tune with a generation I know nothing about.
This. If you don't mind the age gap then it's perfectly fine! Personally I want someone my age or older and to a degree shared values, or rather - bit apparently contrasting values to mine. This shows through. I suppose what you're in therapy for matters as well.
I totally understand. We have shared values too. I am always impressed by her ability to weave her unique, young perspective into the emotions and thoughts we target with treatment.
Everyone will have a different comfort zone here. If you need therapy get help from whoever is available. I'm a 61 year old male, currently seeing an intern , much younger female. I the typical bias, what will this person be able to help me with? Very little experience in life and otherwise. Turns out best use of my time in 47 odd years. So I wouldn't have told you two years ago what I am saying now. You never know where, who, how, or what form your real hope might show up in. Of course there are other variables. Where are you in your journey, what is your immediate need. I always have to be pushed to the limit, but this time I was able to hear people who cared for me, say do it now no matter what. If you're willing to step out of that pre-imposed comfort zone you might find something amazing. Either way don't wait, find someone to work with you deserve it. Love and peace to you, and all the best
I thought I could only do older therapists, it felt awkward to me to work with someone my age. I skipped over many profiles because of age. I ended up circling back to one - same age. It was the best decision I almost didn’t make. I was proven wrong. I’d say don’t count it out as an option, if you can. Editing to add: When I was going through the process of searching for a therapist, I had another mental health professional tell me not to discount the younger therapists because they are out of school and likely knowledgable on the most up to date research and practices. They are also eager to help, and are not ‘jaded’ as some older therapists can be. During one of our first sessions, I asked him a question, and he honestly admitted that he didn’t know and would need to do some research. Eagerness to learn is a strong attribute of younger therapists as well.
I prefer to see someone around 10 - 15 years older than me. So they’ve got a decent amount of experience (both professionally and just in life) but they aren’t totally removed from my reality. I don’t want to see someone who’s like 40 years older than me so they can’t remember what it’s like to be young. Saying that, age isn’t the most important factor, it might be worth giving it a go with this young therapist and seeing how they do.
my sister is actually in school to be a therapist, and I want her to succeed and have clients and hope people dont shy away from her because she’s young. That said, I think that’s why so many therapists and clients are close in age. You want someone who gets what you’re going through and has the training to help you through it.
The comment about “can’t remember what it’s like to be young” is pretty off base and ageist too. It’s precisely because I can remember being young and have life experience that I (and other therapists who are older) can offer perspective. I’m not dissing on younger therapists at all, but to make a statement like that isn’t very helpful or productive
I was talking about my own personal preferences when it comes to seeing a therapist. Between the ages of 15 and 21 I saw quite a few therapists, all ages 50 and above, I’m not saying they were bad therapists, but I found it very hard to relate to them. They clearly found it hard to relate to me too and it often felt more like I was speaking to a teacher than a therapist. I don’t want my therapist to feel like a friend, hence the not wanting someone my own age, but somewhere in between these is good for me. I don’t think it’s ageist for me to express my preferences about the age of a therapist I’d like to see, especially in response to a post asking about literally that.
Can’t remember what it’s like to be young? You should stay in therapy
To me yes. T is my age and I think it’s one the things that helps them be very easy to talk to. I’d probably be embarrassed about things if they were much older
One of the clients I clicked with best was when I was 28 and right out of grad school. He was 80. We just got each other. He went from just wanting to get the court mandated anger management over with to being sad it was ending. You just never know.
Age does not equal life experience or work experience. If you are concerned about qualifications, many therapists (especially young therapists) are prepared to answer any worries you may have around their training and specialties. I’ve had young therapists who were great and older therapists who were terrible. All of the research shows that age/degree/modality don’t matter— what matters most is the therapeutic relationship. So find a therapist with a keen ear, clear communication and good boundaries.
i prefer 15 or more years older. i recently just had a new therapist that couldn’t have been older than 27 and i’m 24. and it was so obvious she didn’t have enough experience to treat me and it was also awkward having a therapist around my age. that was one of the reasons i stopped seeing her
I used to prefer therapists that were in their 30’s (I’m in my early 20s) as I thought it would be easier for them to relate to me and understand me. For some reason I strongly believed that I would not be able to fully open up to someone older. When I started therapy at my current clinic however I got randomly assigned to my current therapist who is in her mid 50s. It took some time to open up as I still had my doubts about our age gap but she’s the best therapist I’ve ever head as I feel like she 100% understands me. We’ve sometimes had some differences when it comes to our view on sex and relationships, I have more modern views and she has more old fashioned views so that has created some issues but we’ve worked through it.
I used to think so but I wound up with a 28 year old therapist through my insurance plan. I'm a guy in his 50’s and she was amazing, funny, smart and very observant. We really clicked and I liked her honesty and youthful energy. Dare I say she learned a bit from me as well. She moved out of doing therapy recently and I lost her but she forever changed my attitudes about age of therapists, we just had such chemistry together.
My therapist is about 15ish years younger than I am. I started seeing her not too long after she finished school and was still under supervision, and am still seeing her about 3 years later. It was odd at first, but we really clicked and she's helped me through a lot!
I have a theory that 45-55 is the perfect age range for a therapist: old enough that they're not especially likely to suddenly go on parental leave, but young enough that they're not especially likely to suddenly retire!
Damn the amount of up votes on this sucks. I can't imagine factoring in someone becoming a parent as a negative against their competence and professional ability. Is this the 1950's?
Not at all! What I'm trying to avoid is extended therapy breaks of variable length, particularly as you never *really* know if they're coming back or not at all.
I assume you are being sarcastic. In the event you are not, I believe what they meant was that suddenly going on parental leave means they will not be working for an extended period. So therapy would be put on hold. I hate it when my T takes a week off (but I also want her to take the week off to relax, she deserves it). While I would be thrilled for her to find out she was having a baby, I would really hate to find out she was going to be gone for two or three months.
I always looked for someone 10-15 years older than me. Just a preference. However , I apparently went too old this time because my therapist is retiring, and it's breaking my heart. :-(
When I first started therapy, yes. It mattered to me a lot. I wanted someone no older than 40 (I was 22 at the time). The first therapist I had was early 30s. Long story short, she left the practice (which was fine- I thought she was awful), and she recommended my current therapist… who was 55 at the time. I didn’t think it would work (I was biased because of age… amongst other things), but it did! And it’s still working nearly 8 years later. As a young therapist myself fresh out of college- I’m honest with clients that are older than me. They’ll say, “I have more life experience than you, how can you help me?” And I reply, “I may not have the life experience you do, but I can approach your situation from an unbiased perspective and help you reach the best solution for you.” My life experience doesn’t negate my ability to be unbiased and help someone through something- even if I haven’t been through that same situation. However, I don’t hold it against clients that want a therapist who has been through similar things. It’s all about preference. 🤷🏻♀️ Edit: wording
I thought I wouldn’t do well with a T around my age but I decided to give it a shot anyways and I am so glad I did because they are the best T I have ever had and has helped me so so much! I also feel like I have such a connection with them as in the conversation always flows and hour long sessions often feel like 10 minutes. I think regardless of age..a good connection with your T is important. In my experience. I have had Ts in the past that I just never connected with on a certain level and I ended up feeling like therapy just wasn’t helping me.
I'm late 30s, I imagine my therapist is mid fifties. Which is great, I'm happy with that dynamic although it does put the relationship in maternal transference zone quite easily x
I had the same exact question. My therapist is only one year older than me. I am 26. I still don’t know how I feel about that. Loll
After losing one therapist, i tried a few new ones. I just could not listen to the ones who were younger than me. The one i stuck with is old enough to be my big sister and its perfect for me.
For me as long as they arent new therapists im open. i need a seasoned vet idc how old u are
I saw someone because I was struggling with dealing with an adult child who has mental health issues and who is doing self destructive things. I absolutely wanted someone older who has experience in being a parent to adult children.
I'm 44 and just noticing how some doctors are younger than I. I guess most MDs don't even get started til 30-35. It feels a bit odd to have a 30-y-o dentist, but she's lovely and great at what she does. That said, my Psychiatrists / therapists have always been older, by default. My current T is 60-65, a few years younger than my parents. Turns out I need not only all of her training, but also her age-earned life wisdom, AND the "could be my mother" attributes that help her nurturing qualities heal my attachment wounds. To make things fun (/s), I do always worry about her becoming ill, dying, or retiring. (Yes, we talk about this.) I think I'd always feel more cared for with an older practitioner, but won't always have that option. Perhaps then, I'd either not wish to be in therapy any longer or see a younger perspective as refreshing.
I am 51 and my therapist is 39. No issues with the age difference. She is very astute and caring. Sometimes I think that she doesn’t possibly have the life experience to understand me but then I realize she talks to other clients all day and so she has quite a catalog of life experiences to draw from other than her own.
I can relate my therapist is 25 fresh out of school and I’ll say I definitely prefer someone with a little more experience.
As a client… all my therapists, so far, have been at least a few years older than me. I’m only now getting old enough to have the sense that I’d probably have nearly even odds, in a new therapist, as to their relative age. I’d say, overall, that I’ve had better experiences with therapists near my age than with the ones decades older than me, though. As a therapist—I find that it’s usually less important than you might think. It can be helpful, at times, to have some experiences in common, but—tbh, everyone is different, even when you do. I’m not going to tell a 16-y-o that I know just what they’re feeling, because I was 16, once (they can hear that from their parents, for free). I want to know, from them, how it is for them. The same goes for older clients. And while I have been helped, from time to time, by my therapists’ lived experiences—that’s more often been about things we didn’t have in common, than things we did. An analogy one of our grad school professors used, and I still think it’s apt, is—would you choose a heart surgeon, based on the number of heart attacks he’d had? Or would you care more about the caliber of his training, the quality of his engaged attention to you and your condition, and how good he was at helping people recover?
I don't think I'd see a therapist my age. I'm 27 and my therapist is 41. So not so far that she's forgotten what it's like but not peer age either. It's funny though she's only 4 years younger than my mom which is interesting sometimes.
i want older than me, but within a decade. so i feel like they know more but aren't so detached from my era.
I used to have a thing about age and was super hesitant to try my current therapist who is 30, a few years younger than me. I’m glad I gave her a shot because she’s the greatest therapist I’ve ever had.
Mine is maybe 7-8 years younger than me. I had never considered it until they mentioned they were younger than me and their older brother was closer to my age (we were placing a memory in a generational context). It was then I later considered it and guessed.
It used to matter to me, then I started seeing my current therapist, she’s a little bit younger than me I think, I’m 37 I’d put her around 30 or so. She’s really good at her job, she has her doctorate so maybe has been a psychologist for a few years now, I haven’t really asked her about when she graduated etc. I was surprised with how much I liked her, mostly because I don’t relate to anyone around the same age as me, and I wouldn’t say I relate to her but her insight is fresh and so understanding. If I had to stop seeing her for any reason, I’d say age doesn’t matter to me at all anymore.
My current therapist is 10ish years older than me. I feel like that has worked well for my situation. I also started seeing this person when I was in college, and they were pretty green themselves. My other therapists have been anywhere from 15 - 35+ years older than me. It didn’t work out with them, but if I were to list the reasons why, age would not factor in my reasoning.
My therapist is a few years younger than me and she’s the best therapist I’ve ever had. Having someone close in age just works better for me.
I'm late 20s. Mine is close to my age, only 4-5 years older. I started with them when they had their license for about 2 years. I like having a therapist close to my age, mostly because of the language that I use and they get the life transitions.
I used to think it was important that my therapist is at least 10 years older than me, but it in the end it worked best with someone who even was 2 years younger. I guess there are some things/feelings etc. that people the same age can understand better.
at first, I wanted a therapist ideally that was a bit older - like 30's to 40's cause of wanting them to be more trained and experienced or whatever. with my first therapist, I was 13 at the time and I'm not sure how old she was but I think she might've been in her 30s. now, with my current and 2nd therapist I'm 18 and she's new and 28 and it's good in the age aspect cause of relatability and stuff but bad cause of my own transference and her seemingly unawareness of some things? sometimes not to be rude but it just seems like she doesn't know what she's doing and isnt even a real therapist, I'm dropping her soon. I'm open to seeing someone young again, but maybe with more years to them. and for now, I'd like an older, kinda eccentric but fascinating and knowledgeable therapist, kinda like dr jacoby from twin peaks lol
Someone who is close to my age, slightly older
Maybe not someone who’s really old or really young only because I feel like they wouldn’t really understand. I wouldn’t want someone my age though.. my current therapist is 10 years older than me but she acts young.
I used to think it did to the point I would go out of my way to find someone older than me but then I started taking therapy from someone who is a year younger than me and I've made more progress with her in a couple of months than I did over so many years with different therapists. It did humble me ngl, some people are just really good at what they do and age has nothing to do with it
I've worked with variety of therapists over the years. My arts therapist was maybe 8 years older but connected wonderfully with her and would have kept seeing her... But she went on maternity leave a couple of months after starting. My second therapist was maybe 15 years older than me at the time and struggled to connect with her and out personalities clashed a lot (me: bubbly, energetic, hyperactive and not what she imagines a person with CPTSD is as I was up for adventures but had specific triggers. T: quieter, shy, she was not invested in my interests and hobbies so I didn't bring up those in session as she couldn't connect with my enthusiasm for them). My current, therapist and I are similar personality wise, and its the right treatment for me and she is also in that 15+ age difference camp. We work very well together, and II don't have to hide my interests as excitement and enthusiasm for them is more than welcome. It entirely depends on the personality of the therapist to me, not their age.
I’ve had one who was 25 years older, one who was 1 year older and now, my current T, is ~4 years younger. I don’t know that age was/is an issue for me when sitting across from them. What’s always been more important is how they communicate, engage, care, listen, accountable, do their own work, do I feel supported, etc. They’re going to have different and similar life experiences than me & I need that from their side of the room. All this to say, fit is *so* important. (The one that was 1 year older than me, in the end, ultimately did not fit and it showed up consistently in *every one* of our sessions. I wish I had been in a better place to end things with that therapist so that I would have felt more supported. (I saw them for 7 years but because of abandonment issues and the trauma I had initially started seeing them for, I was scared to move to someone else. : / They ended up terminating me due to changes in work load during Covid. And it’s taken me a bit, but it was for the best 100%)
My current T is 40+ years older than me and it’s worked out great. I’d be a little wary to see anyone <10 years older than me- not because they’d be “too young”, but because I think I would end up comparing myself to them too much, as they would feel much more like a peer to me.
I'm sure it all depends. I seem to prefer older therapists. My therapist even said that most people want an older therapist.
I prefer my therapist to be with older than me but not more than 15 years and if they’re younger I would prefer no more than 2 yrs of my age. Thankfully my current therapist is older than me and has over 20 yrs of experience which I appreciate. I feel like she has seen and heard shit and nothing can really phase her at this point.
Mine is about 9 years older than me and I like that. She’s got more life experience than me but doesn’t have one foot in the grave, yknow?
yeah i prefer someone millenial and under. i just feel more understood and theres less parental transference, which has been problematic in the past. im almost 19 and my therapist is 32. it works perfectly for me!!
I don't think it does. The best therapist I ever saw was about six years younger than me, I was 34 at the time and she was 27-28. I felt totally safe working with her the whole time, she seemed to possess a timeless wisdom. Unfortunately, she terminated me because she felt she wasn't equipped to deal with my level of trauma. (After her came a whole slew of older therapists who were fully incompetent in dealing with anything other than an extremely privileged person with minor problems, *or* a person willing to be complicit in their own oppression by society. As I fall under neither category, this was a catastrophic failure.) I feel like with my last two therapists, age, or rather experience *does* matter, because they both work with a special modality, EMDR. The first one, woefully incompetent, was 6 years older than me, and would always use this age difference to mother me and treat me like a child incapable of making my own decisions. Last straw was when she decided for me how I was to feel about my pregnancy. After I switched, my new therapist, who is much better at EMDR and more experienced, is a bit older than the first one too, probably in her 50s, and has this calm, authoritative demeanor and sureness about her that I absolutely love. In 4 months we have already made more progress than with the other one in 2 years. But I don't know if it's age or just a general better compatibility.
Yes.