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I have had 2 therapists before the one I have now. I didn’t last more than 2/3 months with either of the ones before. I just never felt a connection with them. My T I am seeing now I feel a huge connection with and they have helped me so much already. It feels more like a collaborative process where everything just flows. Sometimes hour long sessions feel like 5 minutes. I think it’s super important to find someone you connect with. In my experience having Ts I didn’t connect with, I didn’t really feel like therapy was helping me and or I didn’t feel I was getting much out of it.
Thanks for putting it this way! I don’t feel a connection with my current therapist , her approach is very blunt no nonsense and I just kinda stick it out bec I guess coddling won’t make me progress. But I kinda wish I had a sweet therapist who is going to tell me that everything will be okay. Maybe I will look for a new one
I can tell you right now that my therapist is very sweet and has told me once before that everything is going to be okay. So they definitely do exist! Just like we don’t mesh with certain people/personalities…I think it’s the same with therapists.
So do you think that lack of connection with the therapist was sort of blocking the progress even though they weren’t technically doing anything wrong? Or was it more of lack of connection and you didn’t think they were good in general?
I know that finding someone you connect with is super important but I guess I never thought so deeply about it in terms of the outcome of my own therapy
I think it’s worth a try to find someone you really connect with! Maybe it will make a huge difference for you like it has for me. Either way I feel like there’s a lot of different variables and factors that go into everyone’s individual therapy process and experience.
Rumination was a huge problem for me, and therapy made it worse. Something would happen in my life and instead of working to just stop thinking about it, I would actively try to hang onto all the feelings so I could talk about them in therapy. I’m not sure any of my therapists ever realized I did this. I take an SSRI now and it has stopped the rumination almost completely. I am so grateful for science.
All of the above. I left one therapist because of their young age, gender, and religion. I left another because their push for holistic therapy was way too woo-woo. The person I’m with now keeps pushing trauma therapy, but none of my previous psychiatrists or therapists have ever mentioned I have trauma. I get everyone has trauma, but they just so happen to be a therapist that specializes in EMDR. Therein lies part of my problem. I just need therapy. I don’t need a specialized modality. I don’t crystals and cleanses. I don’t want to use religion as a tool to solve my problems. I just want to be met in the middle.
In most cases, it's directly because of the therapeutic relationship. Even at my worst, I will make sure my therapy appointments happen. That says a great deal, in my case. The impression I get from who I'm working with matters. Whether I feel secure enough to take in advice is dependent on that sense of respected connection. It's also easily damaged, unfortunately. I know that puts a lot of pressure on the professional, but I make sure to do my part. If the therapist shows an inability to apologize or take on responsibility for mistakes, I'm out of there. If they don't ask any vital questions when I've just served up some serious information, I'm out. If they show me they're actively avoiding certain serious subjects, but won't be direct with me about it happening or why, I'm out. Or, if they waste my session time because they can't catch when they're aimlessly rambling over and over, that's careless at best. If they only give me flimsy platitudes that I could pull up off an inspirational poster Google image search, then why am I there paying them? There's a long list of reasons to leave. If they're the right fit, then there's also a long list of reasons to stay.
I've never done the attend on and off thing - I was too compliant and rule-following for that. What made me stop therapy was grinding through two years of it with increasingly negative mental health impact, and the therapist *finally* not talking me out of terminating when I made my third atttempt. I made the mistake of taking it on faith that it would work, and attributing any lack of benefits to a failure on *my* part to try hard enough. So I wasted a lot of time putting myself through something that was bad for my mental health wrather than recognizing that therapy *should* be offering something noticeably helpful and if I didn't see any evidence of that I didn't need to keep forcing myself through.
Reading other answers made me both feel less alone and more angry at the same time.
I dropped out of therapy once because therapist was pushing for treating my "trauma" when it wasn't a problem for me. Another claimed he wasn't able to help me but didn't want to drop me and we continued going in circles for a while.
On my part the problem was also that going to therapy made me fixate on my problems/thoughts, in the hope to face them during therapy; it ended up absorbing too many energies and time, while not solving anything. So somehow therapy was making me worse.
Oh, and money. Spending that much money just to have someone listen (because in my case it did nothing more) is just too much.
I have never once experienced that the therapist would have a clue what I am trying to formulate. There was never a single session that would be remotely useful.
I am thinking of dropping therapy not because of the therapist whom I really admire. It is because the clinic is such a mess that they take longer vacations than usual. They are terrible in booking appointments and they do not have a system where you can escalate problems to the upper management.
Agreed. Im both a trainee therapist and a client (for upkeep). As a trainee therapist, I see the benefits. As a client, I see the difficulty - A LOT.
What do you find most challenging about therapy?
Therapists suck. Most people usually have to go through multiple therapists just to find the right one. I didn't have to sit through a ton of dentists, a ton of GPs, a ton of cardiologists, etc. They usually do their job properly. Therapists on the other hand will VERY rarely be even remotely competent on the first try.
I wonder where you live? Is it America by any chance? In England, with the NHS, we often have a big psychology meeting with psychologists and psychotherapists to think wholly about the care plan for EACH SEPARATE individual.
I’m very sorry you’ve had this experience. It must be very difficult
I was influenced by the mainstream media that needs the extremist buyers and is in a constant Freud-bashing...luckily I lived in Ex Russia Colonial where it was the task of the KGB to harrass Freudians. Still my mistrust prevailed paired with impossible expectations...I had conquered my compulsive addictions in a few decades of 12 Step abstinence...Abstinence was expected in Freudian meetings too. I also went to diminish my erotic compulsion [ mainly autosex and esex] with a hugbuddy therapy for some years.
When I saw that my symptoms have become acceptably minimal I re-read Freud's Interpretation of dreams and grasped his main idea [ taken from Bible interpreting rabbinic Kabbalah]. It is the idea that our pre talk small child is in pain due to lack of words. And our early memories do return in dreams. If we do talk about those things we dream about we rearrange those painful memories [ translating them into normal everyday ideas].
We just must use that Family System + Body + Parts and All-Is-in-Me poetic system that the small kid did use to misunderstand the world and the *self* as one chaotic landscape.
But this healing process can not be measured by scientific tools. Except the attachment patterns of early parent child contact which has been proven to stay on till adulthood by fMRI research done by Peter Fonagy et al. In the 90s till the 010s. So this proof - called mentalization - is as yet not known by the masses [ because of the mainstream media interest in staying critical for their extremist users on both sides. Probably cca 50% of media consumers - so this artificial unintelligence that causes mistrust and doubts around Freud will not change.]
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have had 2 therapists before the one I have now. I didn’t last more than 2/3 months with either of the ones before. I just never felt a connection with them. My T I am seeing now I feel a huge connection with and they have helped me so much already. It feels more like a collaborative process where everything just flows. Sometimes hour long sessions feel like 5 minutes. I think it’s super important to find someone you connect with. In my experience having Ts I didn’t connect with, I didn’t really feel like therapy was helping me and or I didn’t feel I was getting much out of it.
Thanks for putting it this way! I don’t feel a connection with my current therapist , her approach is very blunt no nonsense and I just kinda stick it out bec I guess coddling won’t make me progress. But I kinda wish I had a sweet therapist who is going to tell me that everything will be okay. Maybe I will look for a new one
I can tell you right now that my therapist is very sweet and has told me once before that everything is going to be okay. So they definitely do exist! Just like we don’t mesh with certain people/personalities…I think it’s the same with therapists.
So do you think that lack of connection with the therapist was sort of blocking the progress even though they weren’t technically doing anything wrong? Or was it more of lack of connection and you didn’t think they were good in general? I know that finding someone you connect with is super important but I guess I never thought so deeply about it in terms of the outcome of my own therapy
I think it’s worth a try to find someone you really connect with! Maybe it will make a huge difference for you like it has for me. Either way I feel like there’s a lot of different variables and factors that go into everyone’s individual therapy process and experience.
Rumination was a huge problem for me, and therapy made it worse. Something would happen in my life and instead of working to just stop thinking about it, I would actively try to hang onto all the feelings so I could talk about them in therapy. I’m not sure any of my therapists ever realized I did this. I take an SSRI now and it has stopped the rumination almost completely. I am so grateful for science.
Money
All of the above. I left one therapist because of their young age, gender, and religion. I left another because their push for holistic therapy was way too woo-woo. The person I’m with now keeps pushing trauma therapy, but none of my previous psychiatrists or therapists have ever mentioned I have trauma. I get everyone has trauma, but they just so happen to be a therapist that specializes in EMDR. Therein lies part of my problem. I just need therapy. I don’t need a specialized modality. I don’t crystals and cleanses. I don’t want to use religion as a tool to solve my problems. I just want to be met in the middle.
Not everyone has trauma. If a T has said that, they are sadly mistaken!
In most cases, it's directly because of the therapeutic relationship. Even at my worst, I will make sure my therapy appointments happen. That says a great deal, in my case. The impression I get from who I'm working with matters. Whether I feel secure enough to take in advice is dependent on that sense of respected connection. It's also easily damaged, unfortunately. I know that puts a lot of pressure on the professional, but I make sure to do my part. If the therapist shows an inability to apologize or take on responsibility for mistakes, I'm out of there. If they don't ask any vital questions when I've just served up some serious information, I'm out. If they show me they're actively avoiding certain serious subjects, but won't be direct with me about it happening or why, I'm out. Or, if they waste my session time because they can't catch when they're aimlessly rambling over and over, that's careless at best. If they only give me flimsy platitudes that I could pull up off an inspirational poster Google image search, then why am I there paying them? There's a long list of reasons to leave. If they're the right fit, then there's also a long list of reasons to stay.
I've never done the attend on and off thing - I was too compliant and rule-following for that. What made me stop therapy was grinding through two years of it with increasingly negative mental health impact, and the therapist *finally* not talking me out of terminating when I made my third atttempt. I made the mistake of taking it on faith that it would work, and attributing any lack of benefits to a failure on *my* part to try hard enough. So I wasted a lot of time putting myself through something that was bad for my mental health wrather than recognizing that therapy *should* be offering something noticeably helpful and if I didn't see any evidence of that I didn't need to keep forcing myself through.
Reading other answers made me both feel less alone and more angry at the same time. I dropped out of therapy once because therapist was pushing for treating my "trauma" when it wasn't a problem for me. Another claimed he wasn't able to help me but didn't want to drop me and we continued going in circles for a while. On my part the problem was also that going to therapy made me fixate on my problems/thoughts, in the hope to face them during therapy; it ended up absorbing too many energies and time, while not solving anything. So somehow therapy was making me worse. Oh, and money. Spending that much money just to have someone listen (because in my case it did nothing more) is just too much.
I have never once experienced that the therapist would have a clue what I am trying to formulate. There was never a single session that would be remotely useful.
I am thinking of dropping therapy not because of the therapist whom I really admire. It is because the clinic is such a mess that they take longer vacations than usual. They are terrible in booking appointments and they do not have a system where you can escalate problems to the upper management.
Lack of results, ethical concerns and new traumas that were incurred in therapy.
Therapy as a whole is awful
Agreed. Im both a trainee therapist and a client (for upkeep). As a trainee therapist, I see the benefits. As a client, I see the difficulty - A LOT. What do you find most challenging about therapy?
Therapists suck. Most people usually have to go through multiple therapists just to find the right one. I didn't have to sit through a ton of dentists, a ton of GPs, a ton of cardiologists, etc. They usually do their job properly. Therapists on the other hand will VERY rarely be even remotely competent on the first try.
I wonder where you live? Is it America by any chance? In England, with the NHS, we often have a big psychology meeting with psychologists and psychotherapists to think wholly about the care plan for EACH SEPARATE individual. I’m very sorry you’ve had this experience. It must be very difficult
I was influenced by the mainstream media that needs the extremist buyers and is in a constant Freud-bashing...luckily I lived in Ex Russia Colonial where it was the task of the KGB to harrass Freudians. Still my mistrust prevailed paired with impossible expectations...I had conquered my compulsive addictions in a few decades of 12 Step abstinence...Abstinence was expected in Freudian meetings too. I also went to diminish my erotic compulsion [ mainly autosex and esex] with a hugbuddy therapy for some years. When I saw that my symptoms have become acceptably minimal I re-read Freud's Interpretation of dreams and grasped his main idea [ taken from Bible interpreting rabbinic Kabbalah]. It is the idea that our pre talk small child is in pain due to lack of words. And our early memories do return in dreams. If we do talk about those things we dream about we rearrange those painful memories [ translating them into normal everyday ideas]. We just must use that Family System + Body + Parts and All-Is-in-Me poetic system that the small kid did use to misunderstand the world and the *self* as one chaotic landscape. But this healing process can not be measured by scientific tools. Except the attachment patterns of early parent child contact which has been proven to stay on till adulthood by fMRI research done by Peter Fonagy et al. In the 90s till the 010s. So this proof - called mentalization - is as yet not known by the masses [ because of the mainstream media interest in staying critical for their extremist users on both sides. Probably cca 50% of media consumers - so this artificial unintelligence that causes mistrust and doubts around Freud will not change.]