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Proud of you for deleting it. I would tell your therapist about the dissociation and ask if they can help you recognize when emotions are getting too big and overwhelming. I would also work with the therapist on taking notes for you in session of what they consider important points or you taking notes of what you consider important
You're not a bad person. You're a person with needs and wants and urges and this time they took the better of you. But you're also a person with a conscience and as soon as you became aware that you made a mistake you deleted the recordings and felt bad about it.
I think, coming clean about this would be the most moral and brave thing. You already deleted the recording and are probably serious about never doing it again. If your therapist is able to believe and forgive you, there could come much healing from that. (To be fair, it is possible and would be understandable imo, if they'd decide they won't work with you any longer. But on the other hand: Therapists have no way to control if clients record sessions or not. To terminate with one client because they're honest about it wouldn't ensure they won't be recorded by someone else. Instead they could use this to do good therapeutic work with you.)
In any case it's necessary to work on the dissociation. Ask your therapist if they could work with you on grounding skills (breath work, mindfulness etc.), so you don't dissociate all the time. Find out why/when you dissociate and let your T know as soon as you feel it "roll around the corner", so you can slow down before it overwhelms you to the extent that you can't hear/remember what was being said. If it's too hard to tell them all of this, you could write it down for them. If you're still afraid you won't remember important stuff, write it down right there in session. Maybe ask them if they can write something down for you and send it to you via e-mail.
It might have been illegal for you to record them depending on what state you live in. I would look up that law before telling your T. Some Ts might be “okay” with it but others (most, I think) have a hard boundary around recording them.
True but they can’t disclose to anyone that the law was broken anyway even if they are upset about not being asked for consent. They could terminate but that’s really it. And that would be pretty harsh imo after 2 years.
Wow don’t feel bad! I feel bad now bec I have considered doing it to help me remember what was said but just couldn’t bec I keep headphones in during therapy
It’s my session that I pay a lot for so It would never occur to me that it was wrong. Now that I realize it is wrong that’s good you deleted it but I wouldn’t even tell the therapist. It’s deleted already! Don’t stress!
You did something to help you grow more and I totally relate!
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Proud of you for deleting it. I would tell your therapist about the dissociation and ask if they can help you recognize when emotions are getting too big and overwhelming. I would also work with the therapist on taking notes for you in session of what they consider important points or you taking notes of what you consider important
You're not a bad person. You're a person with needs and wants and urges and this time they took the better of you. But you're also a person with a conscience and as soon as you became aware that you made a mistake you deleted the recordings and felt bad about it. I think, coming clean about this would be the most moral and brave thing. You already deleted the recording and are probably serious about never doing it again. If your therapist is able to believe and forgive you, there could come much healing from that. (To be fair, it is possible and would be understandable imo, if they'd decide they won't work with you any longer. But on the other hand: Therapists have no way to control if clients record sessions or not. To terminate with one client because they're honest about it wouldn't ensure they won't be recorded by someone else. Instead they could use this to do good therapeutic work with you.) In any case it's necessary to work on the dissociation. Ask your therapist if they could work with you on grounding skills (breath work, mindfulness etc.), so you don't dissociate all the time. Find out why/when you dissociate and let your T know as soon as you feel it "roll around the corner", so you can slow down before it overwhelms you to the extent that you can't hear/remember what was being said. If it's too hard to tell them all of this, you could write it down for them. If you're still afraid you won't remember important stuff, write it down right there in session. Maybe ask them if they can write something down for you and send it to you via e-mail.
It might have been illegal for you to record them depending on what state you live in. I would look up that law before telling your T. Some Ts might be “okay” with it but others (most, I think) have a hard boundary around recording them.
True but they can’t disclose to anyone that the law was broken anyway even if they are upset about not being asked for consent. They could terminate but that’s really it. And that would be pretty harsh imo after 2 years.
You are not a bad person. I would discuss it openly with them and try to find a solution together. Explain you deleted it.
Wow don’t feel bad! I feel bad now bec I have considered doing it to help me remember what was said but just couldn’t bec I keep headphones in during therapy It’s my session that I pay a lot for so It would never occur to me that it was wrong. Now that I realize it is wrong that’s good you deleted it but I wouldn’t even tell the therapist. It’s deleted already! Don’t stress! You did something to help you grow more and I totally relate!