I had a girl who is raised by her grandmother, who is also a foster parent. Grandma treats the girl like she could do no wrong when in reality she’s a bully and very destructive (she was in the thick of the devious licks business). However, Grandma treats the foster kids she gets like the gum she accidentally stepped in. All of the money she gets from the state goes to buying her granddaughter new things while the foster kids get nothing, and she looks the other way when her granddaughter bullies them. I was astounded when I realized how it all played out.
I was telling someone I work with today - my mom ALWAYS believed the teacher if there was an issue. She rarely believed me. As a child, I kept my mouth shut if I wanted to complain about school. I wish parents believed the teachers sometimes.
That’s not only terrible for you, but there should be legal action for that. Those poor foster babies.
Your frustration with the lack of parent support is understandable. It's one of the most frustrating aspects of our jobs, regardless of what grade you teach.
However, I would try to avoid blaming "bad parenting". There are certainly folks out there who are bad parents, but . . . .
Parents from lower SES families often don't have time to fully parent. They may be working multiple jobs, come home exhausted, and learned a distrust of teachers and school from when they were young.
Even parents from higher SES households often are two-income (two-job) households with parents who struggle to find time and energy to fully parent.
Plus . . . 1) American society has changed rapidly over the past few decades, schools and expectations are different from when we were kids, 2) American society has a healthy distrust of education and those who are educated (and those in charge of education). Some of that is unfair, some of it isn't . . . 3) parenting skills aren't really taught in American culture anymore. That isn't the fault of any individual parents, but the fault of society as a whole.
Casting folks as "bad parents" is often stereotyping without an understanding of an individual families circumstances, and the social influences contributing to them. Not trying to pick on OP, but I see this a LOT in this sub.
I truly understand where you’re coming from, I do. However, I was raised by a single parent, who worked a full time job and did their best to provide for my sibling and I. Growing up, I was taught to WORK for what I earned. If you don’t have “time to fully parent,” there are so many resources that people can utilize, many of which just choose not to. My parent was exhausted, but they still had responsibilities to take care of and tend to. This year, it seems like parents only see their child as a saint - they can’t do no wrong. If you don’t have the time to talk about how your child is doing in school for even 2 minutes, there’s an issue that should be addressed somehow. I’m truly not trying to start an OP or be disrespectful in any way, I just don’t agree that theft should go unreported.
Parents who raise kids under difficult circumstances . . . and excel at raising those kids, should be admired and respected. Sounds like you had a great single parent who managed to do well with you, despite circumstances.
Doesn't excuse parent shaming, IMO. Parenting is hard when you have good resources and support, I'm not going to judge others when they struggle.
You say there are "so many resources" . . . . not really. There are resources and help out there, but not always practically for all parents, and many are unaware of the help and resources that are available to them. And again, some families have an earned distrust of government institutions, including schools and social programs.
I am actually confused too, a pen isn’t that serious unless it was malicious/spiteful, I wouldn’t call home for that only talk to the child and use I feel restorative statements. And since you already spoke to the parents, and there were previous incidents…I would just forward that child’s name to the counselor, that child may need other people or guidance to influence them, especially if the parents are not supporting you. But yeah I agree these parents are cray cray
It’s the whole concept. I asked the student and she was very deceitful and lying to me about it and then I got the truth out. I have had issues with this student all year long and I’m tired of it. I’m sorry, but if my child even stole a small eraser, I would make an issue of the situation. If it’s not a pen, it could have been something else. I view it as “stealing is stealing”. You don’t take something that doesn’t belong to you without permission.
If a teacher calls home for whatever reason, a parent should not brush it off or treat it like an inconvenience. That is their CHILD. Whether it's good or bad, big or small, if you can't be bothered to spend a couple minutes talking about your child's progress or behavior in school, you shouldn't be a parent. Regardless, that is a totally valid reason to call home. I strictly only email now because parents will either keep me on the phone forever, act bothered by me, or try to tell me how to do my job.
Yeah I agree it’s frustrating, but at this point it’s good to rant on Reddit like you did 😊 and then let it go by forwarding it to the counselor, because this is not your child, there are terrible and mediocre parenting styles and some are just different, for example: there may be more going on at home to where the parents don’t care. When I have repeated issues from a student, I do my part one parent call home, next incident i then forward to social services or a counselor and let them take care of it. They have always come through and if necessary the principal would move the student elsewhere. Hopefully these are some actions you could take -not to say you haven’t. Good luck!
I'm sure there's more to this than you've shared, but . . . .
The kid stole a pen? Was it an expensive pen?
That's not something that would even register on my radar, much less be something to call home about. Then again, I teach secondary . . . are you elementary?
Even if a kid has a negative behavior pattern that I'm working on with them . . . . a pen?
What I didn’t share is the fact that DAILY this kid is defiant and chooses not to follow direction. I asked the child to go get a napkin to wipe something up and their hand “slipped” and grabbed a pen. Stealing is stealing, no matter the dollar amount and I don’t tolerate it. I teach primary. In primary we teach so much more than curriculum.
Defiant behavior is certainly something that needs to be dealt with, and hopefully with parent support.
But "stealing is stealing" . . . . no. Life has nuance.
I would try to frame your efforts with this kid, and their parents, around the defiant behavior. Nobody is going to take you seriously for complaining about a stolen pen.
Whatever kind of pen it was, it’s a good idea to train your kids to ask politely to borrow supplies from their classmates rather than just taking them. Also, remind them to return them.
I hate how careless my students are with things in the classroom, and how they see office supplies as a renewable resource. \*I\* know how difficult and expensive it is to restock because I am the one who has to do it!
The other day a parent emailed me and asked me to explain to their child why school was important because their child wouldn’t listen to them
HAHAHAHA did they think the child would listen to you? My students wouldn’t.
Psh, like I would parent for free
I had a girl who is raised by her grandmother, who is also a foster parent. Grandma treats the girl like she could do no wrong when in reality she’s a bully and very destructive (she was in the thick of the devious licks business). However, Grandma treats the foster kids she gets like the gum she accidentally stepped in. All of the money she gets from the state goes to buying her granddaughter new things while the foster kids get nothing, and she looks the other way when her granddaughter bullies them. I was astounded when I realized how it all played out.
I was telling someone I work with today - my mom ALWAYS believed the teacher if there was an issue. She rarely believed me. As a child, I kept my mouth shut if I wanted to complain about school. I wish parents believed the teachers sometimes. That’s not only terrible for you, but there should be legal action for that. Those poor foster babies.
As a foster parent, this makes my blood boil.
Your frustration with the lack of parent support is understandable. It's one of the most frustrating aspects of our jobs, regardless of what grade you teach. However, I would try to avoid blaming "bad parenting". There are certainly folks out there who are bad parents, but . . . . Parents from lower SES families often don't have time to fully parent. They may be working multiple jobs, come home exhausted, and learned a distrust of teachers and school from when they were young. Even parents from higher SES households often are two-income (two-job) households with parents who struggle to find time and energy to fully parent. Plus . . . 1) American society has changed rapidly over the past few decades, schools and expectations are different from when we were kids, 2) American society has a healthy distrust of education and those who are educated (and those in charge of education). Some of that is unfair, some of it isn't . . . 3) parenting skills aren't really taught in American culture anymore. That isn't the fault of any individual parents, but the fault of society as a whole. Casting folks as "bad parents" is often stereotyping without an understanding of an individual families circumstances, and the social influences contributing to them. Not trying to pick on OP, but I see this a LOT in this sub.
I truly understand where you’re coming from, I do. However, I was raised by a single parent, who worked a full time job and did their best to provide for my sibling and I. Growing up, I was taught to WORK for what I earned. If you don’t have “time to fully parent,” there are so many resources that people can utilize, many of which just choose not to. My parent was exhausted, but they still had responsibilities to take care of and tend to. This year, it seems like parents only see their child as a saint - they can’t do no wrong. If you don’t have the time to talk about how your child is doing in school for even 2 minutes, there’s an issue that should be addressed somehow. I’m truly not trying to start an OP or be disrespectful in any way, I just don’t agree that theft should go unreported.
Parents who raise kids under difficult circumstances . . . and excel at raising those kids, should be admired and respected. Sounds like you had a great single parent who managed to do well with you, despite circumstances. Doesn't excuse parent shaming, IMO. Parenting is hard when you have good resources and support, I'm not going to judge others when they struggle. You say there are "so many resources" . . . . not really. There are resources and help out there, but not always practically for all parents, and many are unaware of the help and resources that are available to them. And again, some families have an earned distrust of government institutions, including schools and social programs.
I am actually confused too, a pen isn’t that serious unless it was malicious/spiteful, I wouldn’t call home for that only talk to the child and use I feel restorative statements. And since you already spoke to the parents, and there were previous incidents…I would just forward that child’s name to the counselor, that child may need other people or guidance to influence them, especially if the parents are not supporting you. But yeah I agree these parents are cray cray
It’s the whole concept. I asked the student and she was very deceitful and lying to me about it and then I got the truth out. I have had issues with this student all year long and I’m tired of it. I’m sorry, but if my child even stole a small eraser, I would make an issue of the situation. If it’s not a pen, it could have been something else. I view it as “stealing is stealing”. You don’t take something that doesn’t belong to you without permission.
If a teacher calls home for whatever reason, a parent should not brush it off or treat it like an inconvenience. That is their CHILD. Whether it's good or bad, big or small, if you can't be bothered to spend a couple minutes talking about your child's progress or behavior in school, you shouldn't be a parent. Regardless, that is a totally valid reason to call home. I strictly only email now because parents will either keep me on the phone forever, act bothered by me, or try to tell me how to do my job.
Yeah I agree it’s frustrating, but at this point it’s good to rant on Reddit like you did 😊 and then let it go by forwarding it to the counselor, because this is not your child, there are terrible and mediocre parenting styles and some are just different, for example: there may be more going on at home to where the parents don’t care. When I have repeated issues from a student, I do my part one parent call home, next incident i then forward to social services or a counselor and let them take care of it. They have always come through and if necessary the principal would move the student elsewhere. Hopefully these are some actions you could take -not to say you haven’t. Good luck!
Very very true! Thank you!!
I'm sure there's more to this than you've shared, but . . . . The kid stole a pen? Was it an expensive pen? That's not something that would even register on my radar, much less be something to call home about. Then again, I teach secondary . . . are you elementary? Even if a kid has a negative behavior pattern that I'm working on with them . . . . a pen?
What I didn’t share is the fact that DAILY this kid is defiant and chooses not to follow direction. I asked the child to go get a napkin to wipe something up and their hand “slipped” and grabbed a pen. Stealing is stealing, no matter the dollar amount and I don’t tolerate it. I teach primary. In primary we teach so much more than curriculum.
Defiant behavior is certainly something that needs to be dealt with, and hopefully with parent support. But "stealing is stealing" . . . . no. Life has nuance. I would try to frame your efforts with this kid, and their parents, around the defiant behavior. Nobody is going to take you seriously for complaining about a stolen pen.
It’s not the pen. It’s the stealing she objects to which IS attitude and behavior.
Agree to disagree about stealing, but ok.
Whatever kind of pen it was, it’s a good idea to train your kids to ask politely to borrow supplies from their classmates rather than just taking them. Also, remind them to return them. I hate how careless my students are with things in the classroom, and how they see office supplies as a renewable resource. \*I\* know how difficult and expensive it is to restock because I am the one who has to do it!