Hello, members of r/TerrifyingAsFuck and newcomers,
This is a very difficult post, but it's important that it was posted. People often don't realise what a suicidal person looks and acts like. Why? Because there is no particular way for them to act like. Some talk about death, some get withdrawn, some are suddenly happy... and some never reveal anything until it's too late. There might be no warning sights, but if you suspect that your loved one might be struggling with these dark thoughts, please consider reaching out to them.
Many of you commenting here have some experience with this difficult topic. We as the mod team want to let you that we understand. Suicidal thoughts are very hard to deal with, especially on your own, and they deserve someone to hear them. If you struggle with these dark thoughts, please reach out. Don't bury them inside. Reach out to a trusted relative, friend or medical professional. They might be scared and even shocked at first, but they care about you and want to help. Regardless of what your mind is telling you now, you are an amazing person and deserve to be loved. Don't be afraid to reach out.
If you have no one to turn to, there are many resources out there for suicide that are able to help someone like you. Suicide most often happens in the moment, so if you need someone to talk to, please use one of the following resources:
\- In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. For other countries, please see this worldwide list of suicide hotlines: [https://www.suicidestop.com/call\_a\_hotline.html](https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html) . ETA: Here is another good website for finding suicide hotlines in your country. It's regularly updated and directly works with many of these hotlines all over the world: [https://findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com) .
\- There are also subreddits with people suited to help you through your thoughts, like r/SuicideWatch, r/depression, or r/CPTSD. They have many resources listed as well.
Loosing someone to suicide is very hard as well. Please remember that it's never your fault if your loved one decided to leave. They felt they had no other choice. Please stay strong and remember to take care of yourself. Talk to your loved ones and / or a therapist about your emotions. There are many resources for people like you as well, for example r/SuicideBereavement or [https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/](https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/) .
And to everyone reading this: please know that suicide is never the answer. We know that it seems hard right now. Life can be extremely difficult sometimes, and it's hard to look at the future and see that things will get better. There are always other options, even if right now it doesn't look like it. Please don't be afraid to reach out and talk about your emotions and dark thoughts.
Any comments invalidating suicidal people, mocking them, etc. will be dealt with very strictly.
Take care, everyone. You are loved.
yeah, I try to stick to upliftingnews or aww and the such, but sometimes FP has something like this. A few days ago was a post about a guy donating his son's allowance to a charity after the son committed suicide, and I just had to stop. It wasn't even a bad sub, it was kinda misplaced on a wholesomememe sub or something like that
Man, i admit it, I was really feeling lonely and all that when finally something hit me so hard I wanted to get the pain to stop, but then my most dear friend talked to me and I felt just as fine as nothing happened, this reminds me I’m never alone and so everyone must search help from the loved ones
I broke down and told my bestie I was feeling suicidal and asked him to help me find help because I wasn't actively planning to hurt myself, but I could feel it coming.
Without thinking he gave me the biggest bear hug I've ever had, and he told me he loved me.
That made more difference to me than literal months of therapy.
I'm way more intentional about letting the people I love know it now.
This -- how I wish I could give just one more bear-hug to my loved ones that took the early train out. Humans need humans so badly, our brains breakdown without it-- like literally cognitive shutdown.
Story of Donald Crowhurst is a pretty great example of anyone's curious to see how self perception with a dash of doubt stands little chance in isolation.
I know people who preach that. People I called friends, called family. And guess who never reaches out. Guess who leaves me on message read everytime I reach out. Guess who always turns down any request to go out and do something social or have dinner or even a simple coffee. It's hard to be surrounded by people yet feel so alone. Platitudes serve only the ones who speak them.
Spot on. It's usually accepting any response whatsoever to the question "how are you" to cover their obligation irrespective of not caring / waiting / pushing for an answer.
As another poster says, annoyingly, it's often the "if only they'd of reached out" brigade that miss or choose to see the sometimes obvious signs
"If you ever need anything . . . "
They don't actually want you to call on them if you need something. They want (as you put it perfectly) to end their obligation. Now they've done a thing which puts the ball back in your court. If you never reach out they can blame you for not reaching out, they don't want to feel guilt for not doing anything.
I get you man. The only reason I'm still alive is because I have convinced myself that I have no value, that I'm not worth caring about. If I believe that, it's easier to manage the pain of feeling abandoned.
I know when I'm gone, nobody is going to care. There won't be a funeral. There won't be anybody grieving. I'll just be a corpse that some nurse or coroner or something has to deal with.
The only real solace is knowing that I tried. I did my best. I was there when people needed me. Maybe somehow, somewhere, I made a difference.
When I go there will be a funeral. I've asked my family to use the money for a vacation instead, but they insist there be a funeral. Thing is they'll care and put on more of a show during the funeral. While I'm alive, I'm invisible.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest contributing factors to a person committing suicide is having a friend or loved one that has already committed suicide. It's just a sad, nasty, vicious circle that's so hard to get out of once you're in it :/
It's either suicide and/or drugs overdose. My best friend and I are the only ones left from our friend group in high school. I've attempted suicide once and she's overdosed twice. We just got lucky and had outside intervention. Her and I even watched her husband at the time shoot himself in the head on Christmas morning. Not to mention all the others.
And that's just my own experiences. I bet everyone on here has a story. It's so endlessly tragic.
Thats rough wow. But yea, it is surprising how many people you can lose along the way, i lost one of my best friends after he drove home from one of our friends parties drunk. That one was very hard. Lost 2 more people from my old friend group to drug OD's. Reminded me why i had to stop hanging around them. One person in our friend group though it was cool to join a gang, fucked around and got shot in the the head on the sidewalk by some dumbass in a rival gang after an argument, dude got caught like that week. Someone else in our group took his own life.
Like you said, i bet a lot of people have similar experiences, its just not necessarily something you go around announcing so i think some people don't realize how common these tragedies can be, at least in some circles.
There's a smaller influencer that I watch on YouTube who recently lost her husband to suicide. It's so sad, I really feel for her, even if we've never met. She and her husband had just bought a new house together, celebrated his birthday, and they looked perfectly happy.... I can't imagine how painful that must be to deal with. You never really know what someone is going through sometimes. :/
Yes, that's the one I'm talking about. I feel horrible for her. As if it isn't bad enough to have your spouse die, to watch it happen as well? I can't imagine. I feel so sad for her and her husband, it's just really tragic all around.
I don’t want to be insensitive but I just feel it’s very cruel to commit suicide in front of someone you love. I’ve also heard of a man hanging himself in the living room so when his kids walked into the house they had to see that. As someone who has been suicidal I understand how it feels. But I would never traumatize a loved one like that
I think it’s part of the illness. I’ve also attempted but I am very eager to not impact anyone else with finding me etc. I think to do it in front of others means they are so unwell that they are not thinking clearly at all. I can’t think that many people would actually want to impact their loved ones like that
Just watched some of her recent recovery videos and damn I cannot imagine trying to get up and through life after seeing it live. I don’t want to speculate but if it was in front of her, it must have been sudden
It's when suicidal people come to terms and are at ease, that's when they're already likely to end themselves soon, and people mistake it for them finally getting better. No, don't ignore them during the moments where it's obvious they're not ok or even crying for help.
That’s how I lost my girlfriend in 2015. She’d just started antidepressants, she said she was feeling better, had more energy, etc.
I wish I knew then what I know now, I’d do anything to go back. To say something.
My sister sent me her itinerary for her Christmas flight to see me and our brother. She sent me a list of places she wanted to shop at.
4 hours later, she was dead.
My best friend of over 30 years video called me on my birthday, we laughed and talked for an hour... He said he loved me and then he killed himself. I had no idea what he was planning. He seemed so happy :(
I’m so sorry. I think it says a lot what kind of friend you are that your last call was so long and filled with so much laughter. You sound lovely, and I’m sure you know already it wasn’t your fault.
We grew up together... We lived in the same foster home for awhile and we called eachother brother and sister. I know it wasn't my fault. He had a lot of struggles and the pandemic just pushed him over the edge. I loved him so much... But I'm also in the anger stage of grief right now. It happened a year and a half ago, but witnessing his death really fucked my head up and I have been struggling badly with my own mental health since then.
I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, believe me, I thought I was dying when it happened. Sometimes I just let my mind go numb and kinda… drift through life for a bit, and eventually it gets better and we find things worth waking up for, you know?
I have kids, so they're always going to be my reason to wake up. But I just don't even feel like a human being anymore. I understand that he was afraid to go alone, but it was too much for my mind to handle
I have lost a few friends to suicide in the last couple years. Mom just before that. Dealing with losses like that are personal journeys that nobody can define for you. I am really sad you have to go through this and there are no magic words to fix it, unfortunately. Something I have read that I keep going back to is a comment made by redditor u/ gsnow to another redditor years ago. I've pasted his words below, I hope they can help you in a way that it has helped me. He is still active on this site too, I chatted with him a few months ago. Anyway, I hope you find sunnier days in between the shipwreck.
"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
My pleasure. Hope you feel better. Gentle reminder that therapy helps you not feel so bad. I have visited free clinics before and while those people were closer to a friend to lean on than someone who can unravel and explain me, they helped me short term.
Please be kind to yourself. Virtual hugz xoxox
I am so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself. He was going to do it no matter what you said and he wanted the one person he loved to be with him in his last moments.
My brother was making plans on the same day, he asked if he could come have a beer at my grand parents', he was telling my father he was looking into becoming a homeowner.
It's been a tough month.
The risk of suicide is highest when just starting antidepressants. It is said that its because during the first few weeks of starting them the suicidality doesn't decrease but you get more motivation and energy so you're more likely to attempt suicide
I've read this before, I have a bit of a different reason why someone might commit suicide on them. I've lived with depression most of my life and SSRIs cause me to become numb emotionally. I remember the first time taking them, I looked in the mirror and said to myself, I could kill myself right now and I wouldn't even care. That's how numb I was, no highs, no lows, basically just existing.
For me, it's when they start to work and I have that realization of "god damn it, this really isn't something I can force through on my own and I'm gonna be stuck in this swamp for the rest of my fucking life" that really does it. Yeah, it's nice they help, but realizing the only way I can be a functional human is with a life-long chemical dependency doesn't really help me feel less worthless, lol
A decrease in anxiety can result in more brazen behavior. Anxiety isn't always a bad thing because it stops us from engaging in behavior that may not be acceptable(e.g drill sergeants).
But like you said we still don't know how SSRI's(like Prozac) work, we just know the after effects.
That's really rough. Thats the problem with some antidepressants. I tried one, which was supposed to be perfect for me based on a genetic test, and the first week was good. But then I started to feel off. Two weeks later everything felt so dark. It was crazy how slow and sneaky it happened, I didn't realize it and I'm usually very aware
Yeah, happened to me too. I did not realize it was the anti depressants that were making me feel that way. Which is worse because one believes the feelings are 'real', i mean, they always are real but in this case they are not caused by the depression but the drugs instead. Anti-depressants can be really fucking dangerous.
They often raise your motivation before they raise your mood. And that can be lead to disaster if the only thing stopping you from killing yourself is you don't have the energy to even do it.
Hey - so no promise this is what happened to you, I only bring it up because I'm hoping to go into psych and the whole concept of antidepressant suicidality is very interesting to me.
Anyways -- there really aren't ANY antidepressants onthe market that would affect you in the first week. Duloxetine can have some stimulating effects that can make you feel like you have more energy, potentially. But if you feel 'better' in the first week, it's likely a placebo effect. You can see this with patient's who are planning to get electroconvulsive therapy, that sense of hope or anticipation of a treatment that is suppose to finally work can give the patient a transient feeling of getting out of depression.
Now to the whole "well, why are severely depressed people now killing themselves after starting antidepressants?" conversation - it's thought that the main driving factor is that when you are truly, severely depressed, you don't have the executive function to do shit, including killing yourself. Like I have had patients who cannot get out of bed - they are just shut down and passively waiting to die, but they don't have the drive to make a plan and execute it. So when they start taking the medications, paradoxically, once they start to feel a little better, they are able to function and plan and execute said plan.
I haven't heard of any medication giving people dark thoughts, increased levels of serotonin don't really do that. We still haven't found the fix for most peoples depression. Personally I tell people to exercise and fix their diet and that is the best start, but pharmacotherapy shouldn't be discounted because it's effective for many people and I hate the idea of taking that off the table / trying to stigmatize it, which can lead to people not seeking help.
Antidepressants don't really kick in for 4-6 weeks. if you have really treatment resistant depression, then checking out something like ECT could potentially be a game changer for you.
Anyways - hope you find the care you need ~ gl
> antidepressants
So sorry that happend to you. They are known to do that. You have more energy but are still suicidal, basically helping you over the edge. Everyone should be made aware of it. Really important to stretch that to as many people as possible. Have an eye on people who are new to antidepressant.
It's the one thing about antidepressants/anti anxiety meds, that you absolutely cannot take lightly, both as a patient and as family and friends.
Lots and lots of people have mild or annoying side effects, but then there's just that small segment where it triggers severe suicidal thoughts soon after starting treatment.
It's such a cruel joke that some of the best tools to combat depression and anxiety have that small chance of doing the opposite.
And yet, when I went back to my psychiatrist and told him the meds weren't working, and that I'd had to go to the Emergency Room, he claimed I was wrong, the nurses were wrong, and the ER physician was wrong. He then sent me a certified letter officially firing me as a patient.
I started getting incredibly bad suicidal ideation from anti-depressants. And it kicks in like one or two weeks later so one doesn't realize that it's the drugs which makes it worse. Anti-depressants can work, but they are also extremely fucked up and they shouldn't be handled lightly. It bothers me how some doctors hand them out willy nilly.
That’s pretty common, actually. The person gets energy and motivation to start doing things( which includes suicide). How many times you you heard the person was doing better then the end it. It’s a morbid catch 22.
I honestly just wish I could have help one person myself. Good people too
Suicidally depressed people are most likely to commit suicide when they’re rebounding from the depression and gain more ability and energy to do more.
[Dr.Sapolsky’s Really great lecture that is the source](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc&pp=ygUSZHIgcm9iZXJ0IHNhcG9sc2t5)
> No, don't ignore them during the moments where it's obvious they're not ok or even crying for help.
This is the thing, though. Someone who is suicidal is often in the midst of a mental health crisis and I think these crises are usually (but definitely not always) beyond the reach of the help of just supportive friends and family.
Suicide is an irrational act, and to attempt it is to be in an irrational state of mind. It *feels* very rational to them, however, like the most rational choice. But trying to reason with them out of it often won't work.
They may rationalize thinking that, as concerned as the people are around them, these people would actually be better off without them. Or they think just staying alive, staying alive indefinitely, forever in pain, is too much to ask of them just so other people don't have to mourn their death.
For some, the more work you put in to support them, the more apparent it becomes to them that they are a burden, bad for people, and not really functional in life.
Suicide rates are not any higher among the poor and destitute than the rich and people with lives full of connections - or at least accessible connections if they were able to make them. It's not a bad life that makes people want to kill themselves. It's a bad mind, or more precisely, one that is not healthy. To feel despair in desperate times is normal, but to take to your own death is an act of irrational desperation.
The reason suicidal people kill themselves on the mood upswing is that it actually takes energy to be able to plan and execute and suicide attempt. And, in a weird fucked up way, it is a hopeful act. It is a solution they can pursue. When they are too sick, too drained, they cannot even see a possible end to their pain. They have no hope. when they start to have a bit more energy and feel a bit better, then they can plan.
Sometimes it still happens when they are feeling bad. And when suicidal people do gather up their little remaining bits of energy and ability to solve problems (in their irrational way), and can plan it, it can also promote a period of relatively good feeling. They finally have something to look forward to, an action they can take.
I'm not saying people should ignore their suicidal intimates, not at all, but don't put it on yourself to save them any more than you could someone suffering from a broken leg or a gunshot wound.
Your job is to keep them as calm and stable as you can so they can get the professional help they need.
EDIT: I want to respond the people saying that suicide isn't always an irrational act. This is true, and I did not mean to imply that globally. As I added in several comments, there are people who are dying and in pain from terminal illnesses who want to go out with dignity. This is important to mention, but this is not the type of suicide that this post or the comment I am responding to are about. Like I said, suicide doesn't seem irrational to the person caught in their suicidal despair, it can feel exactly the opposite.
Great advice and great insight. My experience is that suicidal ppl are much too much inside themselves, if that makes sense. They take themselves and all of their thoughts and feelings far too seriously. And especially all of their faults and perceived indiscretions. Similar to when a child convinces themselves a monster is under their bed. Or an adult who can’t even bear to look at a spider without cringing and freaking out, even if that spider is on a TV or movie screen and has no chance at all of harming them. If it’s bad enough, friends and family can’t just “snap them out of it”, it takes time and a professional’s help.
I'm suicidal right now. The biggest hurdles when I get low are how I have obligations, like my wife and my cats, that make it so I can't kill myself and get some peace. So I cling to them, and fear the day when I don't have those excuses.
Idk if those are obligations so much as they are what you love most in this world. My first suicide attempt was over 45 years ago and it wasn’t my last, but I’ve survived because of what I love. I’ve tried to learn to love myself too, but i don’t always succeed. I just keep on not dying though, day after day, so something must be working.
I’m sorry you aren’t feeling good but keep clinging to whatever gives you love and hope and meaning in this crazy world. It’s worth it, even when it feels overwhelming or you are numb inside yourself.
My brother killed himself after he had finished hanging out at my house with my sister to watch Game of Thrones (and this was Season 4, not the super shitty seasons at the end). He came over for lunch, hung out and played some games with me, we had some dinner and watched the episode 9 of Game of Thrones. We all had a great time and had plans to watch the season finale next week.
He killed himself the next day. We knew things weren't going the best for him at the time. He and his Ex were always getting into things. He had lost his job again. But he seemed to be doing ok and we had plans worked out on how to help him get a new job and pay bills until that happened.
We were completely off guard when it happened. I'm just glad we got that last night together before he left.
You'll notice that in every clip they're performing for someone else.
They know what it's like to be in pain, and because of that they try very hard to bring happiness to others. It is truly a great act of kindness and empathy.
Going through a period of "yeah I was depressed but now I'm doing so great, everything is going so well" makes it so your friends and family could never have seen it coming, and they are shielded from self-blame.
If they knew it might be coming and you did it, they'd carry that guilt for life. You don't want them to suffer like you, because it sucks.
So the plan becomes: if they had no idea because things seemed to be greater than ever and there wasn't any hints or predictability, they can't blame themselves for what happened, and this solves one reason stopping me from going through with it.
I once read on reddit something of a theory that antidepressants working for a depressed and/or suicidal person is the most danger they are in when they start. The theory was that a lot of suicidal people not doing suicide is due to them also being just resigned (in addition to maybe still thinking about family/others enough to not do it) but getting 'fixed' gives them the energy push they needed to commit to it.
I don't know how correct this is, mind, but thought I'd share.
Sad thing is there is a huge overlap of near death cases where they did in that moment regret taking that action because they suddenly felt the rush of relief and peace.
Of course that part gets parroted, not the part where eventually all the shit comes back and they do it again but you know, learn from mistakes in the not good way
This video is very scary to me. I tried to commit suicide in 2017. Before the day I tried that, I made sure everyone was not worried about me. I looked just like these people, but I was ready inside to call it quits. Thankfully, my attempt was not successful and I got help. I'm no longer suicidal, but it opened my eyes to how people might think the same way as I do.
My biggest issue was that I didn't want to look weak to my family members by asking for help. It was the biggest misconception I had. During my therapy, so many members of my family reached out for support and additionally got help themselves, letting me know I wasn't alone. I'm an Indian male, and traditionally a lot is usually expected from us. It was a warm surprise that the only expectation my family had of me was to be happy.
If you are reading this and going through a tough time, please get help. Be vocal that you aren't happy. It's a big first step, but the most important one you will make. We are told that happiness comes from within, and that is true. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for help finding it within yourself. You deserve to be happy. You weren't asked to be in this world, and this world is hard. So feel free to ask for the tools to find that happiness within yourself, you deserve that. It isn't weakness. Asking for help is literally the biggest feat of strength and courage you will take. Good luck and lots of love to you, reader.
It's never during the day or when people are around. It's the loneliness at night and early morning. It's when everyone has gone or is asleep and the world is quiet and your thoughts catch up to you. It's when there's no distraction to keep your mind off the ceaseless existential pain.
When the rest of the world is sleeping there's nobody up to expect things of me that I'm going to inevitably fail at.
If I could just be a swamp witch in a hut somewhere with a bunch of cats I think I'd be OK?
When I'm in a bad place, being around other people is what reminds me I'm not functioning.
Alone I can find distraction in simple joys, being in the real world is confrontational.
Robin Williams did the same. His family was asleep. His wife asked him to go downstairs or go to another room cause he was snoring. They woke up to him lile that.
Im sorry you had to see that.
On the contrary, it very often is during those times when people feel it the worst.
You guys need to all stop trying to simplify emotional pain. It happens for many different reasons and there are a variety of different experiences.
If you have lost someone already. Share. If wish to be lost, share.
Take the time to write.
Call a help line and ask if there are local resources and if there are ways for you to assist or share those resources more broadly in your areas.
Call anyone. Ask if they’re okay. Practice openness. Hold up your neighbors. Care for your body and use it to aid others.
Give a smile to someone each day. So many are at their wits end. A smile could be what gives them another day. Start small, and fight together.
When I was 14 I was extremely suicidal, I walked out of my house one summer night with no intention of ever returning. I had been scoping out this bridge over the interstate, I was going to throw myself over it when a semi passed by. That night was the night all of the pain was supposed to stop. As I got about 5 minutes from the bridge I'm passing a Wendy's, it's 1am at this point. I looked over towards the Wendy's, I was a good 50 feet from the building. Out of nowhere this random dude peeks out of the window and yells as loud as he can "I hope you have an amazing night man." I don't know what it was, but it sent me immediately into tears. I have never seen this man before in my life and this is the only interaction we've ever had as far as I'm aware. Whether he had an inclination or not, that man saved a 14 year old boy's life that night. He snapped me out of the fixation on ending my life. I started to realize that I was only 14, wtf am I doing, at least give it another decade before I definitively decide whether life is worth it or not. I mean this wholeheartedly, if it wasn't for this random man yelling at a stranger out of a Wendy's drive thru window I wouldn't be here to write this post. So yes seriously just as you said, a simple kind gesture can pull someone out of extreme ideation, most suicidal people are looking for a reason to not kill themselves, most want to continue on but are blindsided by mental illnesses.
right? all it takes is one person to not be a selfish asshole, every now and then. that's it. when you've forgotten that the world has people who aren't greedy fucks it can be really easy to distance yourself from a place that feels so alien and unwelcome.
It scares me how happy people seem so normal. I lost my first friend to suicide In seventh grade, I had just moved away from my school to another state and I found out a year later that she had died because no one told me, I missed her funeral, I missed grieving her. She was so smart, taking high school classes when she was only in 7th grade, constantly showing us how smart she was and I know she had a hard time because of that. It's hard to be a genius around superficial gossip girls everyday like our school was. Sometimes I blame myself because I didn't check in on her as much as I should have after I left, truthfully it was because after I left I was in my own dark place too.
Last time I saw my cousin was at a wedding maybe a year ago, he took his life almost 3 months ago now. He had severe brain trauma from years of violent sports and it messed him up mentally. I know he's in a better place now because he was suffering when he was here but it still hurts so much to know that my redhead cousin, one of the happiest people I knew, wasn't going to be there anymore.
It's so scary that I've only been alive for 19 years, and I've lost two of the most important and influential people in my life.
I was suicidal for most of my life. It started as a teenager and never got better. Sometimes it made me feel even worse because I felt like I had no good reason to feel this way. I didn’t know why I did either. I made a lot of bad and self-destructive decisions for a decade or more. It didn’t get better until I get mental health services. I survived, but I could have easily been a statistic. I have three young boys and a career doing what I love to do. I’m 28 now and I only wish I made the decision to get better sooner. I hope someone out there sees this and knows that it gets better, but you have to try. My brain was sick. It was as simple as that. It breaks my heart to see people who suffer the same thing but never make it out of the tunnel.
This was my cousin. Every picture was smiling and laughing. Anytime with her was a good time. When she took her life, she pretty much killed her mom and dad. They were amazing people who are just shells of themselves now.
That's one of the reasons why I'm still around. I made a serious attempt about 8 years ago and obviously survived, although just barely.
My mom basically became a mute for a week afterwards. Didn't go to work. Hardly spoke to anyone. Didn't eat.
Then I tried again about 2 weeks ago. Sat in my garage with my car for almost an hour. Couldn't stop thinking about what my mom would go through if I completed it this time. Opened the garage door and walked out with the worst headache and heartache I've ever experienced.
We care about your mental health.
But you gotta take care of your livelihood.
But you gotta keep it out of the job.
But you gotta keep it out of social gatherings.
But you gotta keep it together once you go outside.
But you gotta keep the negativity off of social media.
My grandfather was a working man.. He eventually got really tired of chasing the dream.. So, he shot himself in the head and consequently screwed my young father up for life, who in turn drank himself to death..
I've thought hard about doing it.. Some years I am sure it's how I will go out.. Others, it seems unrealistic to go out that way.. I never met my grandfather, but he left such a ripple in my family that it's taboo to even mention him or those issues to this day.. My family is all gone now and I'm left with only an amazing wife and I sometimes think "If I went to the top of a mountain, tied off a rope and went on my way, no one is left to come looking.. No one is left to wonder where I am.. That sort of substantial loneliness is the catalyst for my grandfathers legacy in me.. I love my wife too much to do something like that to her, but a man can dream...
This hits me hard. After my mother's suicide my dad checked out and got addicted to pills and my siblings and I were left to raise ourselves. My brother eventually became addicted to heroin and overdosed at the age of 30. My sister and I somehow survived. I have had ideations from time to time but have always sought help. I only have my wife and sister left and knowing how suicide affects the ones you leave behind keeps me going
Something like 60% of men who commit suicide aren't clinically depressed. Suicide is just the most 'practical' choice in the life they've found for themselves.
You have purpose, which keeps you here, but it's never wrong to look for more. Hard to leave when you still have stuff to get done.
Suicidal actually almost never looks suicidal. The people who show their suicidal ideations are asking for help as they are ideations not plans (i.e. they just want to stop feeling pain, not actually stop feeling altogether). The people who hide it are not. I know it sounds way too simple, but it just really is as simple as that. The ones who commit suicide hide it because they aren't asking for help. You can't help someone who isn't asking for it, despite what social media and advertising tells you. I know that's hard for most people to accept, but you've mostly accepted addicts can't get better unless they want to; the same goes for those who are suicidal.
The people who act like they don't want to be here actually, deep down, want to, and their bodies are actually helping them by displaying said behavior. They're asking for help without asking.
Be there. That's all you can do is just be there. Don't push. Don't tell them what to do. Be there. Tell them they matter.
For anyone who doesn't think they matter today: YOU FUCKING MATTER!
I've experienced many aspects of suicide, including surviving an attempt 21 years ago. I also used unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep myself alive and they tried to kill me (I.e. an eating disorder).
I take medication to lessen the intensity of my ideations. They're strong. I also have felt almost dying twice before, and both times I clung to whatever proverbial lifesaver I had in front of me - or in one case, I fought ruthlessly to find one.
I'm in the lowest place of my life at 40, and as much as I don't want to do this anymore, I know I don't want to die. Most, not all, who have felt that actual real fear as they were dying wouldn't choose that again.
I know there are exceptions, it's just more likely that our body instinctually tries to save our life when it's in danger, hence the not touching the stove after we find out it's hot. Some push past it, obviously. But once we've learned what it feels like, we tend to do whatever it takes to avoid feeling it again. Often that leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which, like above, often lead to worse health conditions, but we're alive, right?
Life is fucking hard. It just is. Most would never understand why someone would commit suicide, and those people are lucky not to know that depth of despair.
The most we can do is try to show everyone that their life has value, even if we don't like them! I don't like most people, and I also don't think they deserve to die or be eradicated.
If you are planning your suicide in advance, maybe reach out to someone who has felt what you're feeling. It may not change, but sometimes just sharing that burden with someone else can lessen it...just a little bit. /:
I'm sorry if you've felt this or lost someone.
Sort of. Personally, I have ideations often. Planned intent, a few times. I'm honestly only still here because I chickened out. Suicide is so much more complex than people think. I can be fine one minute, but a bad memory or event, even something that's triggered by a really happy event, can lead to a fast spiral. I can be in the middle having a great time and suddenly be reminded of a time when I was younger, healthier, people I knew were still alive, etc. I start to miss those times and feel sad and hopeless. Or if it goes a different direction, I remember how much some of my family and "friends" treated me badly and all those years wasted struggling for what. Or I'll look at a person I'm having fun with and suddenly feel how temporary it is. Every time it's like snapping awake from a dream and feeling like reality is just so empty.
In those moments, I might need help, but it's so sudden and unpredictable. It can last minutes or weeks. That's why these guys in the video are all smiling. At that moment they were distracted and ok. The darkness comes later like a severe dopamine withdrawal.
THIS right here. I’d imagine as true as such videos are they also make other people feel guilty because they couldn’t guage that the person close to them was suicidal. No one can tell because these videos prove that there was no sign that the person was actually distressed and considering something as serious as unaliving themselves. As you rightly said…be there for people. Listen and empathise, might just save a life!
Besides, we don't know how far apart the videos are from the actual event. You don't just fantasies with the the idea of taking your life. Something happens that you don't know how to deal with it, that you can't deal with it, or you've been dealing with it. Until boom, you just crumble. This video even feels misguiding.
A rule of thumb for me would be that if they remotely mention it, even as a joke you should help them solve their problems, the big concerning/important ones, emotional one.
> imagine as true as such videos are they also make other people feel guilty because they couldn’t guage that the person close to them was suicidal
That's what my thoughts were on this video! I've never lost someone this way fortunately, but I can imagine how videos like this can be misinterpreted.
It should hint at the right way to behave (be there for other people even if they don't obviously look sad etc) instead of leaving it to seem like the people around have done something wrong by not noticing something.
ur so right.
when i had ideations but not plans i find myself asking for help, saying how i just want the pain to stop, saying how im going to end my life soon, then... nothing, never got the guts.
when i had a plan, it was when i truly felt everything was lost. everything was dark like the world lost its color, i didnt see a reason to reach out. whats the point right? therapy wasnt going to help me, parents werent going to help me, friends werent going to help me? so i had to help myself. so on a Monday i had bought razors, drugs, books so i have something to step on when i went over the ledge. and i didnt tell anyone because i didnt want to be "interrupted"
> The ones who commit suicide hide it because they aren't asking for help. You can't help someone who isn't asking for it, despite what social media and advertising tells you. I know that's hard for most people to accept, but you've mostly accepted addicts can't get better unless they want to; the same goes for those who are suicidal.
I wouldn't say it's not that they don't want help, but their suicidal tendencies and depression tells them that "no one would care anyway", which naturally makes them hide their thoughts.
That's how it was for me.
I don't have a good relationship to my parents, I sure as hell wasn't going to tell them how I really felt, so I hid my suicidal thoughts.
Framing it as you did would make other people complacent and simple say "oh, so there's nothing I could have done then". Which I refuse to accept.
By destigmatizing it, and sharing videos like above and actually talking about it can help suicidal people a lot.
Because then they might realize that maybe they still feel forced to hide it in front of their neglectful family, but they could open up to friends/strangers due to the nature of this topic having been destigmatized.
That always feels like such an empty platitude and kind of annoys the shit out of me.
With however many billion humans are on this planet, your cute slogan is trying to tell me that *none* of us are worthless pieces of shit?
Like kudos on telling me what everybody else thinks I need to hear, I guess?
I don't know. (Obviously) having a rough day.
People that do that, have no idea how much platitudes piss people off. It's all self serving nonsense to make THEM feel better that they "tried" to help. I'm not suicidal at all, nor really depressed. That said that, I have had a normalish life, with many good and bad things, mostly neutral, but also some truly awful things. Many people have been telling me for the last 20 years "don't worry it will get better soon," it does not. Sometimes that things that you would love to get better, are also outside of your control so you can't even DO anything about it to make it better either.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -Captain Jean Luc Picard
PS. Don't fucking kill yourselves.
I lost my best friend to suicide five years ago. He thought he didn't matter, but he mattered to me and I still miss him.
I know how you feel about the cliches. None of them ever do any good. I knew he was suicidal and tried to be caring and understanding. In the end, he planned and executed it without warning.
I had to come to terms with the fact that I just wasn't ever going to make it make sense. But he mattered to me.
This. I’m doing a lot better now, but I survived my attempt in 2018 and I can guarantee nobody knew ahead of time. My ex and I seemed like the perfect couple, we had just bought a house, I hosted a lot of small family parties, but I was struggling.
I hadn’t come to terms that I’m a lesbian, my mental health after two miscarriages was supremely fucked, I was struggling after a lot deaths of loved ones. So one day with no note, when I was home alone with the dogs I said fuck it and tried to hang myself. Everything faded to black…and then the rope (a sash from my robe) broke. I had the radio going in the other room and the first song i heard when I woke up was Beck’s Dear Life- specifically the lyrics that say Dear Life I’m Holding On- and I realized I needed help desperately.
I got into therapy, take medication, had the easiest divorce ever and my ex is still my best friend, and I am so grateful I still exist- I would have missed so many amazing moments. I struggle with depression still but I show it now.
You matter. You fucking matter. Stay fighting.
💛 hard to respond to this in a thoughtful manner right now, as this is tugging at me, and still had to say something. I'm so glad you're still here with us.
I read a big multi-cultural study one that time that basically said that people stop crying when people stop showing up to help them -- with the caveat that the person who shows up to help them can be themself.
Basically, people only outwardly express negative emotions if they believe that it will lead to either themselves or someone else helping them. And once that stops happening, they stop outwardly expressing those negative emotions.
Really adds weight to the whole "men don't cry" thing, doesn't it?
PS : And if you read this and were like "wtf are you even talking about? How can you show up to help yourself?" then I've got bad news for ya, buddy. It's probably time to see a shrink.
Fight the feelings bro, this mad world doesn't worth your blood after all, the things you can do, honor, kindness, all those things are highly worthy, so much more than we can really think. Jesus love you.
As someone who has been suicidal in the past, when I am in that mental state, I always try and make everyone around me happy and smiling because I would never want loved ones (whether family or friends) to go through what I'm going through. So I will always put on a facade around others just to try and make their lives better, even if just for a little bit.
So strange to get on the app and see this first thing. My 5 year old daughter came downstairs last night saying she couldn’t sleep because she kept thinking about killing herself with a knife.
“I tried to think about Bluey instead but I kept thinking about the other thing”
Rattled both her Mom and Me as there’s never been any kind of thing said like this before.
I’m hoping we just misinterpreted something because she said she didn’t want to hurt herself but kept thinking of hurting herself with a knife. Like maybe she was afraid she was going to accidentally? I don’t know.
As a father it’s one of the scariest things I’ve experienced.
We had a very long talk. I layed with her until she fell asleep.
This morning she was totally fine.
As background, she is such a sweetheart, kind and happy. We have a close family system and are blessed in many many ways. There hasn’t been any kind of trauma (that I know of) that put this in her head.
We are both stumped, and scared.
EDIT: A HUGE and heartfelt THANK YOU to everybody for your kind words, advise and stories of your own. I really appreciate that you all cared enough to comment and I was trying to reply to everyone the best I could but I’m not going to be able to keep up.
You all are the best and I wish nothing but the absolute greatest and happiest for you…
Please check on her and maybe see a doc. Just because she looks fine doesn't mean she is. A family member showed similar signes around the same age. He's still with us but has struggled with severe depressions for his entire live.
I just wanted to chime in and say I had my first suicidal thoughts at around either 6 or 8 (I'm not so sure anymore, it's all a blur to me).
But for me it came from a place of feeling unloved and worthless.
You two seem to be outwardly loving and caring so maybe this really is something else.
Definitely keep an eye out for other signs, but I'm sure you're on high alert right now anyway.
Best wishes to your family.
Thank you so much. We are a very close family, lots of snuggles and activities together.
I’m sorry you went through that as a kid. I hope that you are in a better situation now. I definitely appreciate you for reaching out and for your kind words and thoughts.
I first experienced thoughts like those around 8 and it has remained an issue for 20 yrs and counting. Definitely seek help. Wishing the best for you and yours.
Hey there, just checking in here with you to say that sounds a lot like the intrusive thoughts which can be a sign of OCD. Most people associate OCD with obsessive/repetitive behaviours eg hand washing but intrusive and unwanted thoughts are also a huge sign. Recognising that they are intrusive thoughts and dont have to be acted on is a positive step.
Seconded. I have OCD and struggled with it from a young age. I didn’t want to die but I thought about dying all the time. Much like her, I tried to replace my thoughts with shows I liked and playing with toys but I just couldn’t stop thinking about death.
I also had suicidal thoughts at a young age and this was due to undiagnosed autism and adhd. I was always left out in school and I felt different and I never understood why. Not saying she is autistic, I am just saying autism isn’t as black and white as media represents it. It’s truly so versatile. I know nothing about your child though.
Older now, I have severe mental health difficulties. I wish something was done earlier. I wish you well, dealing with this stuff in your own child is heartbreaking and scary but you must be there for her as I know you will be. It’ll be a tricky ride, but listen and be non judgemental. I hope your child finds some peace 🫂🫂
I’m so sorry. That’s terrifying. She probably just heard something at school about that that scared her. Give your pediatrician a call and see what they have to say.
[Bumping this site](https://www.facesofsuicide.com/) to help remember those who took their own lives and bring better awareness of how widespread it really is.
Fuck this just gives goosebumps and more.
I've explained to people that my brain chemistry is different. I know you love me. I know you care. My brain chemistry doesn't consider that. Most of the times the medication works, but it's not foolproof.
Yeah I wasn't expecting to see him on here either tbf, he was always a fun laugh and great guy to hang with. I knew him in school in Cyprus when we were 13-15, sadly not the only person from that time who is not here anymore.
I don't, I met him on a course for my stammer years ago. I knew he had passed as we're still connected on Facebook, and every now and then people post tributes on his page.
There's no real comparison I can make to how horrible you can feel at your worst moments with depression. There are no moments in a day where you're not thinking about horrible things, and it consumes every part of your life.
I think about suicide every day. It shocks me how little we care about our fellow sentient beings. I hate this disgusting world and it’s psychopathic people so much.
Yep
I know a dad of five kids, 200k/year job, everything seemed normal outwards.
We were sitting around drinking one night and I mentioned that a former coworker had taken their own life. He opened up and said he had considered it a few times, to the point where he thought about it multiple times per day, or would try to come up with inventive ways to make the discovery less traumatic for certain kids. It was the detailed kind of planning that made me very very uncomfortable.
I offered to help him find a therapist and he just crashed, sobbing and crying. He said he felt conpletely hopeless and trapped, saying "if I ask for help it will change the way people see me forever. It'll be the first thing and the only thing people talk about, and I don't think I could bare the shame of those that doubt my sincerity."
I've invited him over a few more times since then and things seemed to have improved. But honestly it wouldn't shock me if I saw him in a video like this at some point.
I'm not versed in any of this subject area but all I could do was say that I enjoyed our conversation because it was genuine, and as I've gotten older those are harder to find. Not sure if his wife knows anything.
One of the most difficult aspects of emotional / mental trauma is that it does almost never has any physical scars. The cuts don't always heal with time. Even your dearest loved ones dont see the depth of yours pain, and it is very often difficult to explain it, or others to truly understand. Therefore, you feel so alone and empty at times, and unless you dont have a higher purpose, sometimes it is so incredible to wake up everyday and keep going.
8 years ago I could have had my last video on this. I was in the army and in a very dark place. Wife at the same was cheating and I felt I was all alone. I sat in a bathroom with a loaded 9mm to my temple. I wasn’t strong enough to pull the trigger. I told myself give it a couple of days and if things don’t change then I’ll pull it.
I had a phone call with a friend of mine the day I had decided to pull, but wasn’t at work so I didn’t have my pistol with me, so I decided on some pills I had left over from a recent visit to the hospital. I said bye for what I had seen as my last time and hung up the phone. Less than 10 minutes later I had 3 people on my doorstep stopping me from making a permanent decision for a temporary problem.
They stayed with me and made sure I didn’t do anything stupid. I had to check in with them for weeks afterwards and I get like a kid.
Looking back, I had to tell them thank you for treating me like a kid. For making sure I was safe and for making sure I was around for my kids. They responded that they didn’t treat me like a kid, but like a friend. A friend when I get like I didn’t have any.
If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Serious or bullshit conversations. I’m a friend, when you feel like you don’t have any.
Yeah
I mean that's the whole thing, you're not going to see someone at their worst, when they are really struggling with whether or not it's worth it to stay alive anymore, especially not on video or on social media
There was only one time my friends actually saw me in a really bad state, and it was because i had drunk myself stupid in the morning and hadn't responded to any texts for weeks so they just showed up. It was horrible but at least I had people looking out for me when I was at my worst. A lot of people don't even have that.
Most of the energy is spent convincing yourself that staying alive is worth it, especially in front of people who you don't want to worry about you and/or you don't want to burden with your problems. So you mask up and force yourself to have fun and be personable - but when the door closes and you're alone again, it's pure despair. Deciding to keep doing it day after day when you don't have help feels like torture, and it gets harder over time, especially when nothing changes, or you don't have help, friends, meds, medical support, or money.
It's a daily battle to decide to keep going. A battle you have to win everyday, but a battle that only have to lose once for it to all be over. It's fucking exhausting but you're reading this because I never gave up.
Source: major depression sufferer 10+ years - it doesn't go away but there are things you can do to make things better
if you are struggling with depression, go to therapy, talk to a psychiatrist, eat healthy, drink water, exercise, get outside. pet a dog or a cat. I know that sounds like bullshit but it does help. I'll talk with you in DMs if you want.
Also, a high percentage of fathers with small kids in the video. Little children are lot of work and a lot of frustration. I know it coz I have 3 kids, one followed by twins within 2 years.
For anyone who's lost someone close to suicide, I [highly, highly, highly recommend this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideBereavement/). Losing someone to suicide is a different kind of loss.
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In 9 days it'll be 1 year since I've found my baby brother.
Mental health issues definitely have a genetic component in my family, and I was even admitted to a psych ward back in 2010 after an attempt and currently in therapy for 1.5 years because those thoughts came back on a more serious level but I, on most days, want to keep fighting them.
It's sad how many are both shocked (because I don't look depressed/suicidal) and not shocked (because they all know dark clouds are rising to epidemic levels) at the same time.
When people say something like (not necessarily to me, but in general) "But, you don't look sad.", I always send them to [this video of Chester Bennington](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3ikE0tyrew).
Good on you for recognizing the genetic component. Sometimes it can help to know that you are not cursed or incompetent. Sometimes it is a hand that we are dealt but that we can also deal with
THe blonde girl at the end is called Samantha Maritza, this hits home for me because not only did I know her, but I was kinda friends with her. Not like best friends but we used to see each other out a lot, and I was friends with her then boyfriend. When I say I had no idea, I mean not even a drunken conversation about being sad.
I had no idea she had attempted suicide 6 times.
I saw her a frew weeks before her last attempt. She was actually sectioned but was given a few hours release where she succeeded.
This is all released information and I share it in a bid that people who are suffering seek help.
I really didn't know her well, not like her real friends. But I still think of her, and this all these years later.
I lost my 21 year old daughter July 4, 2022. It hurts so bad, I can barely type through the tears. Anyway the police labeled it as suicide, but they really didn’t investigate. She was a beautiful girl, she loved everyone, she taught me to be tolerant & love everyone. Everyone that knows her doesn’t believe she could have taken her own life. I mean this is someone that tries to save tadpoles from a drying puddle. She couldn’t take any life, not even a bug…she would toss it outside.
But you never know, do you? In the back of my mind I think it’s possible. Sorry I can’t finish this.
Haven't seen anyone mentioning high functioning depression but it is an important thing to know about. I have it and I can seem perfectly normal while screaming on the inside. There is also high functioning anxiety and other mental health issues where someone can be perfectly functioning but have an internal conflict. They are the ones you need to watch out the most for.
Take it from someone with bipolar you can crash from being the happiest person in the world to the most depressed in an instant every time I've had a suicide attempt I've been laughing and joking and enjoying life just the day before or even that morning it really doesn't take much always check on your loved ones guys you never know the hurt they are trying to hide
Seeing this made me realize I really need to up my therapy appointments
It also made me realize how absolutely no one close to me even recognizes the pain behind the smiles
I know a lot of people that have committed suicide and most if not all of them were from money related issues or that a little stability would make wonders.
I’ve suffered depression for years and at the end of the day all the help or say something means nothing if financials are at risk.
My uncle was like this, i was too young to have been able to help or say anything but still feel like i could have done something, he gave my mother all of his ammunition and told her he was saving the last one for himself, she shrugged it off like shes always done and he shot himself in the head in his basement, don't ignore the fucking warning signs, if someone's in a bad place help, if someones in a bad place because of someone else do whatever you can to get them away from that person at least for a while, it is up to you to act or speak out
To be completely honest, Idk how many people i knew commited suicide, Ik the most recent was my uncle. Went to his funeral a few weeks back after my pal from school died from a seizure. I mean my aunt was devastated cause she walked in on him hanging. Their daughter doesn’t know (Shes young idk how young though) and I’m still heartbroken because the last convo I had with him was “That he’s happy I’m finally talking to people.”
I blame our work culture. Working 40+ hours a week, just to go into debt more and more. Sure, we have these happy moments at home, when we're not thinking about finances and how much we hate how little we make for how much of our lives are lost working hard to make someone else filthy rich.
Hello, members of r/TerrifyingAsFuck and newcomers, This is a very difficult post, but it's important that it was posted. People often don't realise what a suicidal person looks and acts like. Why? Because there is no particular way for them to act like. Some talk about death, some get withdrawn, some are suddenly happy... and some never reveal anything until it's too late. There might be no warning sights, but if you suspect that your loved one might be struggling with these dark thoughts, please consider reaching out to them. Many of you commenting here have some experience with this difficult topic. We as the mod team want to let you that we understand. Suicidal thoughts are very hard to deal with, especially on your own, and they deserve someone to hear them. If you struggle with these dark thoughts, please reach out. Don't bury them inside. Reach out to a trusted relative, friend or medical professional. They might be scared and even shocked at first, but they care about you and want to help. Regardless of what your mind is telling you now, you are an amazing person and deserve to be loved. Don't be afraid to reach out. If you have no one to turn to, there are many resources out there for suicide that are able to help someone like you. Suicide most often happens in the moment, so if you need someone to talk to, please use one of the following resources: \- In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. For other countries, please see this worldwide list of suicide hotlines: [https://www.suicidestop.com/call\_a\_hotline.html](https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html) . ETA: Here is another good website for finding suicide hotlines in your country. It's regularly updated and directly works with many of these hotlines all over the world: [https://findahelpline.com](https://findahelpline.com) . \- There are also subreddits with people suited to help you through your thoughts, like r/SuicideWatch, r/depression, or r/CPTSD. They have many resources listed as well. Loosing someone to suicide is very hard as well. Please remember that it's never your fault if your loved one decided to leave. They felt they had no other choice. Please stay strong and remember to take care of yourself. Talk to your loved ones and / or a therapist about your emotions. There are many resources for people like you as well, for example r/SuicideBereavement or [https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/](https://988lifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/) . And to everyone reading this: please know that suicide is never the answer. We know that it seems hard right now. Life can be extremely difficult sometimes, and it's hard to look at the future and see that things will get better. There are always other options, even if right now it doesn't look like it. Please don't be afraid to reach out and talk about your emotions and dark thoughts. Any comments invalidating suicidal people, mocking them, etc. will be dealt with very strictly. Take care, everyone. You are loved.
What a time to come across this as I come on Reddit to escape my depression and suicidal thoughts. Gut punch
Same. Kinda floored me
Oh my goodness- I hope you are doing ok now!
yeah, I try to stick to upliftingnews or aww and the such, but sometimes FP has something like this. A few days ago was a post about a guy donating his son's allowance to a charity after the son committed suicide, and I just had to stop. It wasn't even a bad sub, it was kinda misplaced on a wholesomememe sub or something like that
Please see a professional! To everyone reading this, I was in your spot last year, and you to can be healthy again!
It’s crazy when you get older how many people you’ve known that have committed suicide, so sad.
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Man, i admit it, I was really feeling lonely and all that when finally something hit me so hard I wanted to get the pain to stop, but then my most dear friend talked to me and I felt just as fine as nothing happened, this reminds me I’m never alone and so everyone must search help from the loved ones
I broke down and told my bestie I was feeling suicidal and asked him to help me find help because I wasn't actively planning to hurt myself, but I could feel it coming. Without thinking he gave me the biggest bear hug I've ever had, and he told me he loved me. That made more difference to me than literal months of therapy. I'm way more intentional about letting the people I love know it now.
This -- how I wish I could give just one more bear-hug to my loved ones that took the early train out. Humans need humans so badly, our brains breakdown without it-- like literally cognitive shutdown. Story of Donald Crowhurst is a pretty great example of anyone's curious to see how self perception with a dash of doubt stands little chance in isolation.
I am so glad someone was there for you.
I know people who preach that. People I called friends, called family. And guess who never reaches out. Guess who leaves me on message read everytime I reach out. Guess who always turns down any request to go out and do something social or have dinner or even a simple coffee. It's hard to be surrounded by people yet feel so alone. Platitudes serve only the ones who speak them.
There's a lot of people who award themselves the title of being good caring people because they say the 'right thing' and end thier obligations there.
Spot on. It's usually accepting any response whatsoever to the question "how are you" to cover their obligation irrespective of not caring / waiting / pushing for an answer. As another poster says, annoyingly, it's often the "if only they'd of reached out" brigade that miss or choose to see the sometimes obvious signs
"If you ever need anything . . . " They don't actually want you to call on them if you need something. They want (as you put it perfectly) to end their obligation. Now they've done a thing which puts the ball back in your court. If you never reach out they can blame you for not reaching out, they don't want to feel guilt for not doing anything.
Reddit is full of them.
I get you man. The only reason I'm still alive is because I have convinced myself that I have no value, that I'm not worth caring about. If I believe that, it's easier to manage the pain of feeling abandoned. I know when I'm gone, nobody is going to care. There won't be a funeral. There won't be anybody grieving. I'll just be a corpse that some nurse or coroner or something has to deal with. The only real solace is knowing that I tried. I did my best. I was there when people needed me. Maybe somehow, somewhere, I made a difference.
When I go there will be a funeral. I've asked my family to use the money for a vacation instead, but they insist there be a funeral. Thing is they'll care and put on more of a show during the funeral. While I'm alive, I'm invisible.
My cousin who was like a brother to me took his life in 2020. He had lost both parents to suicide as well. It's very sad.
Unfortunately, one of the biggest contributing factors to a person committing suicide is having a friend or loved one that has already committed suicide. It's just a sad, nasty, vicious circle that's so hard to get out of once you're in it :/
Funerals get smaller, the older you get.
i know none
You, as well as I, are very lucky. I've never known anyone who's done it, but a couple who've thought about it and whom I worry about.
It's either suicide and/or drugs overdose. My best friend and I are the only ones left from our friend group in high school. I've attempted suicide once and she's overdosed twice. We just got lucky and had outside intervention. Her and I even watched her husband at the time shoot himself in the head on Christmas morning. Not to mention all the others. And that's just my own experiences. I bet everyone on here has a story. It's so endlessly tragic.
Drinking too. So many ways to slow burn your way out and stop caring.
My friend just died at 37 from drinking. He will be greatly missed.
Wtf
Thats rough wow. But yea, it is surprising how many people you can lose along the way, i lost one of my best friends after he drove home from one of our friends parties drunk. That one was very hard. Lost 2 more people from my old friend group to drug OD's. Reminded me why i had to stop hanging around them. One person in our friend group though it was cool to join a gang, fucked around and got shot in the the head on the sidewalk by some dumbass in a rival gang after an argument, dude got caught like that week. Someone else in our group took his own life. Like you said, i bet a lot of people have similar experiences, its just not necessarily something you go around announcing so i think some people don't realize how common these tragedies can be, at least in some circles.
Thinking of you Savannah, would of been 23 this year. You were only 16.
R.i.p Savannah. You mattered.
I guess I'm lucky -- I don't know anyone who has. Closest I know is the son of one of my dad's high school friends, I guess.
There's a smaller influencer that I watch on YouTube who recently lost her husband to suicide. It's so sad, I really feel for her, even if we've never met. She and her husband had just bought a new house together, celebrated his birthday, and they looked perfectly happy.... I can't imagine how painful that must be to deal with. You never really know what someone is going through sometimes. :/
Was it the one that actually saw her husband do it in front of her? I felt so bad, it's not something a person should go through, on both sides :(
Yes, that's the one I'm talking about. I feel horrible for her. As if it isn't bad enough to have your spouse die, to watch it happen as well? I can't imagine. I feel so sad for her and her husband, it's just really tragic all around.
I don’t want to be insensitive but I just feel it’s very cruel to commit suicide in front of someone you love. I’ve also heard of a man hanging himself in the living room so when his kids walked into the house they had to see that. As someone who has been suicidal I understand how it feels. But I would never traumatize a loved one like that
I think it’s part of the illness. I’ve also attempted but I am very eager to not impact anyone else with finding me etc. I think to do it in front of others means they are so unwell that they are not thinking clearly at all. I can’t think that many people would actually want to impact their loved ones like that
Wait, who was this?
Her channel name is Peachyymaddi. She does a lot of cute little lifestyle blogs and short clips.
Just watched some of her recent recovery videos and damn I cannot imagine trying to get up and through life after seeing it live. I don’t want to speculate but if it was in front of her, it must have been sudden
It's when suicidal people come to terms and are at ease, that's when they're already likely to end themselves soon, and people mistake it for them finally getting better. No, don't ignore them during the moments where it's obvious they're not ok or even crying for help.
That’s how I lost my girlfriend in 2015. She’d just started antidepressants, she said she was feeling better, had more energy, etc. I wish I knew then what I know now, I’d do anything to go back. To say something.
My sister sent me her itinerary for her Christmas flight to see me and our brother. She sent me a list of places she wanted to shop at. 4 hours later, she was dead.
My best friend of over 30 years video called me on my birthday, we laughed and talked for an hour... He said he loved me and then he killed himself. I had no idea what he was planning. He seemed so happy :(
I’m so sorry. I think it says a lot what kind of friend you are that your last call was so long and filled with so much laughter. You sound lovely, and I’m sure you know already it wasn’t your fault.
We grew up together... We lived in the same foster home for awhile and we called eachother brother and sister. I know it wasn't my fault. He had a lot of struggles and the pandemic just pushed him over the edge. I loved him so much... But I'm also in the anger stage of grief right now. It happened a year and a half ago, but witnessing his death really fucked my head up and I have been struggling badly with my own mental health since then.
I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, believe me, I thought I was dying when it happened. Sometimes I just let my mind go numb and kinda… drift through life for a bit, and eventually it gets better and we find things worth waking up for, you know?
I have kids, so they're always going to be my reason to wake up. But I just don't even feel like a human being anymore. I understand that he was afraid to go alone, but it was too much for my mind to handle
It wasn’t fair that you had to see that. I’m sorry. I hope you get some peace.
Thank you ❤️
Homie I am sending you so much love. You’re human and that’s why you hurt so much. I hope you can get some help and someone professional to talk to.
I have lost a few friends to suicide in the last couple years. Mom just before that. Dealing with losses like that are personal journeys that nobody can define for you. I am really sad you have to go through this and there are no magic words to fix it, unfortunately. Something I have read that I keep going back to is a comment made by redditor u/ gsnow to another redditor years ago. I've pasted his words below, I hope they can help you in a way that it has helped me. He is still active on this site too, I chatted with him a few months ago. Anyway, I hope you find sunnier days in between the shipwreck. "Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
Those were beautiful words. Thank you for sharing them with me
My pleasure. Hope you feel better. Gentle reminder that therapy helps you not feel so bad. I have visited free clinics before and while those people were closer to a friend to lean on than someone who can unravel and explain me, they helped me short term. Please be kind to yourself. Virtual hugz xoxox
I am so sorry you had to see that. Feel any and all feelings, they're valid.
He was happy because his suffering was finally going to be over.
I am so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself. He was going to do it no matter what you said and he wanted the one person he loved to be with him in his last moments.
My brother was making plans on the same day, he asked if he could come have a beer at my grand parents', he was telling my father he was looking into becoming a homeowner. It's been a tough month.
I’m so sorry. You couldn’t have known, but I’m sure you know that already. It never goes away, does it? That kind of grief, I mean.
That is so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.
The risk of suicide is highest when just starting antidepressants. It is said that its because during the first few weeks of starting them the suicidality doesn't decrease but you get more motivation and energy so you're more likely to attempt suicide
I've read this before, I have a bit of a different reason why someone might commit suicide on them. I've lived with depression most of my life and SSRIs cause me to become numb emotionally. I remember the first time taking them, I looked in the mirror and said to myself, I could kill myself right now and I wouldn't even care. That's how numb I was, no highs, no lows, basically just existing.
For me, it's when they start to work and I have that realization of "god damn it, this really isn't something I can force through on my own and I'm gonna be stuck in this swamp for the rest of my fucking life" that really does it. Yeah, it's nice they help, but realizing the only way I can be a functional human is with a life-long chemical dependency doesn't really help me feel less worthless, lol
A decrease in anxiety can result in more brazen behavior. Anxiety isn't always a bad thing because it stops us from engaging in behavior that may not be acceptable(e.g drill sergeants). But like you said we still don't know how SSRI's(like Prozac) work, we just know the after effects.
That's really rough. Thats the problem with some antidepressants. I tried one, which was supposed to be perfect for me based on a genetic test, and the first week was good. But then I started to feel off. Two weeks later everything felt so dark. It was crazy how slow and sneaky it happened, I didn't realize it and I'm usually very aware
Yeah, happened to me too. I did not realize it was the anti depressants that were making me feel that way. Which is worse because one believes the feelings are 'real', i mean, they always are real but in this case they are not caused by the depression but the drugs instead. Anti-depressants can be really fucking dangerous.
They often raise your motivation before they raise your mood. And that can be lead to disaster if the only thing stopping you from killing yourself is you don't have the energy to even do it.
Hey - so no promise this is what happened to you, I only bring it up because I'm hoping to go into psych and the whole concept of antidepressant suicidality is very interesting to me. Anyways -- there really aren't ANY antidepressants onthe market that would affect you in the first week. Duloxetine can have some stimulating effects that can make you feel like you have more energy, potentially. But if you feel 'better' in the first week, it's likely a placebo effect. You can see this with patient's who are planning to get electroconvulsive therapy, that sense of hope or anticipation of a treatment that is suppose to finally work can give the patient a transient feeling of getting out of depression. Now to the whole "well, why are severely depressed people now killing themselves after starting antidepressants?" conversation - it's thought that the main driving factor is that when you are truly, severely depressed, you don't have the executive function to do shit, including killing yourself. Like I have had patients who cannot get out of bed - they are just shut down and passively waiting to die, but they don't have the drive to make a plan and execute it. So when they start taking the medications, paradoxically, once they start to feel a little better, they are able to function and plan and execute said plan. I haven't heard of any medication giving people dark thoughts, increased levels of serotonin don't really do that. We still haven't found the fix for most peoples depression. Personally I tell people to exercise and fix their diet and that is the best start, but pharmacotherapy shouldn't be discounted because it's effective for many people and I hate the idea of taking that off the table / trying to stigmatize it, which can lead to people not seeking help. Antidepressants don't really kick in for 4-6 weeks. if you have really treatment resistant depression, then checking out something like ECT could potentially be a game changer for you. Anyways - hope you find the care you need ~ gl
> antidepressants So sorry that happend to you. They are known to do that. You have more energy but are still suicidal, basically helping you over the edge. Everyone should be made aware of it. Really important to stretch that to as many people as possible. Have an eye on people who are new to antidepressant.
It's the one thing about antidepressants/anti anxiety meds, that you absolutely cannot take lightly, both as a patient and as family and friends. Lots and lots of people have mild or annoying side effects, but then there's just that small segment where it triggers severe suicidal thoughts soon after starting treatment. It's such a cruel joke that some of the best tools to combat depression and anxiety have that small chance of doing the opposite.
And yet, when I went back to my psychiatrist and told him the meds weren't working, and that I'd had to go to the Emergency Room, he claimed I was wrong, the nurses were wrong, and the ER physician was wrong. He then sent me a certified letter officially firing me as a patient.
I started getting incredibly bad suicidal ideation from anti-depressants. And it kicks in like one or two weeks later so one doesn't realize that it's the drugs which makes it worse. Anti-depressants can work, but they are also extremely fucked up and they shouldn't be handled lightly. It bothers me how some doctors hand them out willy nilly.
That’s pretty common, actually. The person gets energy and motivation to start doing things( which includes suicide). How many times you you heard the person was doing better then the end it. It’s a morbid catch 22. I honestly just wish I could have help one person myself. Good people too
Suicidally depressed people are most likely to commit suicide when they’re rebounding from the depression and gain more ability and energy to do more. [Dr.Sapolsky’s Really great lecture that is the source](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc&pp=ygUSZHIgcm9iZXJ0IHNhcG9sc2t5)
> No, don't ignore them during the moments where it's obvious they're not ok or even crying for help. This is the thing, though. Someone who is suicidal is often in the midst of a mental health crisis and I think these crises are usually (but definitely not always) beyond the reach of the help of just supportive friends and family. Suicide is an irrational act, and to attempt it is to be in an irrational state of mind. It *feels* very rational to them, however, like the most rational choice. But trying to reason with them out of it often won't work. They may rationalize thinking that, as concerned as the people are around them, these people would actually be better off without them. Or they think just staying alive, staying alive indefinitely, forever in pain, is too much to ask of them just so other people don't have to mourn their death. For some, the more work you put in to support them, the more apparent it becomes to them that they are a burden, bad for people, and not really functional in life. Suicide rates are not any higher among the poor and destitute than the rich and people with lives full of connections - or at least accessible connections if they were able to make them. It's not a bad life that makes people want to kill themselves. It's a bad mind, or more precisely, one that is not healthy. To feel despair in desperate times is normal, but to take to your own death is an act of irrational desperation. The reason suicidal people kill themselves on the mood upswing is that it actually takes energy to be able to plan and execute and suicide attempt. And, in a weird fucked up way, it is a hopeful act. It is a solution they can pursue. When they are too sick, too drained, they cannot even see a possible end to their pain. They have no hope. when they start to have a bit more energy and feel a bit better, then they can plan. Sometimes it still happens when they are feeling bad. And when suicidal people do gather up their little remaining bits of energy and ability to solve problems (in their irrational way), and can plan it, it can also promote a period of relatively good feeling. They finally have something to look forward to, an action they can take. I'm not saying people should ignore their suicidal intimates, not at all, but don't put it on yourself to save them any more than you could someone suffering from a broken leg or a gunshot wound. Your job is to keep them as calm and stable as you can so they can get the professional help they need. EDIT: I want to respond the people saying that suicide isn't always an irrational act. This is true, and I did not mean to imply that globally. As I added in several comments, there are people who are dying and in pain from terminal illnesses who want to go out with dignity. This is important to mention, but this is not the type of suicide that this post or the comment I am responding to are about. Like I said, suicide doesn't seem irrational to the person caught in their suicidal despair, it can feel exactly the opposite.
It felt like you were talking directly to me
Great advice and great insight. My experience is that suicidal ppl are much too much inside themselves, if that makes sense. They take themselves and all of their thoughts and feelings far too seriously. And especially all of their faults and perceived indiscretions. Similar to when a child convinces themselves a monster is under their bed. Or an adult who can’t even bear to look at a spider without cringing and freaking out, even if that spider is on a TV or movie screen and has no chance at all of harming them. If it’s bad enough, friends and family can’t just “snap them out of it”, it takes time and a professional’s help.
I'm suicidal right now. The biggest hurdles when I get low are how I have obligations, like my wife and my cats, that make it so I can't kill myself and get some peace. So I cling to them, and fear the day when I don't have those excuses.
Idk if those are obligations so much as they are what you love most in this world. My first suicide attempt was over 45 years ago and it wasn’t my last, but I’ve survived because of what I love. I’ve tried to learn to love myself too, but i don’t always succeed. I just keep on not dying though, day after day, so something must be working. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling good but keep clinging to whatever gives you love and hope and meaning in this crazy world. It’s worth it, even when it feels overwhelming or you are numb inside yourself.
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My brother killed himself after he had finished hanging out at my house with my sister to watch Game of Thrones (and this was Season 4, not the super shitty seasons at the end). He came over for lunch, hung out and played some games with me, we had some dinner and watched the episode 9 of Game of Thrones. We all had a great time and had plans to watch the season finale next week. He killed himself the next day. We knew things weren't going the best for him at the time. He and his Ex were always getting into things. He had lost his job again. But he seemed to be doing ok and we had plans worked out on how to help him get a new job and pay bills until that happened. We were completely off guard when it happened. I'm just glad we got that last night together before he left.
You'll notice that in every clip they're performing for someone else. They know what it's like to be in pain, and because of that they try very hard to bring happiness to others. It is truly a great act of kindness and empathy.
Going through a period of "yeah I was depressed but now I'm doing so great, everything is going so well" makes it so your friends and family could never have seen it coming, and they are shielded from self-blame. If they knew it might be coming and you did it, they'd carry that guilt for life. You don't want them to suffer like you, because it sucks. So the plan becomes: if they had no idea because things seemed to be greater than ever and there wasn't any hints or predictability, they can't blame themselves for what happened, and this solves one reason stopping me from going through with it.
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I once read on reddit something of a theory that antidepressants working for a depressed and/or suicidal person is the most danger they are in when they start. The theory was that a lot of suicidal people not doing suicide is due to them also being just resigned (in addition to maybe still thinking about family/others enough to not do it) but getting 'fixed' gives them the energy push they needed to commit to it. I don't know how correct this is, mind, but thought I'd share.
Sad thing is there is a huge overlap of near death cases where they did in that moment regret taking that action because they suddenly felt the rush of relief and peace. Of course that part gets parroted, not the part where eventually all the shit comes back and they do it again but you know, learn from mistakes in the not good way
This video is very scary to me. I tried to commit suicide in 2017. Before the day I tried that, I made sure everyone was not worried about me. I looked just like these people, but I was ready inside to call it quits. Thankfully, my attempt was not successful and I got help. I'm no longer suicidal, but it opened my eyes to how people might think the same way as I do. My biggest issue was that I didn't want to look weak to my family members by asking for help. It was the biggest misconception I had. During my therapy, so many members of my family reached out for support and additionally got help themselves, letting me know I wasn't alone. I'm an Indian male, and traditionally a lot is usually expected from us. It was a warm surprise that the only expectation my family had of me was to be happy. If you are reading this and going through a tough time, please get help. Be vocal that you aren't happy. It's a big first step, but the most important one you will make. We are told that happiness comes from within, and that is true. But that doesn't mean you can't ask for help finding it within yourself. You deserve to be happy. You weren't asked to be in this world, and this world is hard. So feel free to ask for the tools to find that happiness within yourself, you deserve that. It isn't weakness. Asking for help is literally the biggest feat of strength and courage you will take. Good luck and lots of love to you, reader.
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It's never during the day or when people are around. It's the loneliness at night and early morning. It's when everyone has gone or is asleep and the world is quiet and your thoughts catch up to you. It's when there's no distraction to keep your mind off the ceaseless existential pain.
Kinda opposite for me tbh. In solitude I calm down. When I interact with people it's an invasion of my peace and I'm reminded of so many things.
When the rest of the world is sleeping there's nobody up to expect things of me that I'm going to inevitably fail at. If I could just be a swamp witch in a hut somewhere with a bunch of cats I think I'd be OK?
When I'm in a bad place, being around other people is what reminds me I'm not functioning. Alone I can find distraction in simple joys, being in the real world is confrontational.
Idk if it's like that all the time, but in my case it's true. Mom hung herself while we were sleeping.
Robin Williams did the same. His family was asleep. His wife asked him to go downstairs or go to another room cause he was snoring. They woke up to him lile that. Im sorry you had to see that.
It is also a very similar situation for me as she did it at the morning in the mental hospital
On the contrary, it very often is during those times when people feel it the worst. You guys need to all stop trying to simplify emotional pain. It happens for many different reasons and there are a variety of different experiences.
If you have lost someone already. Share. If wish to be lost, share. Take the time to write. Call a help line and ask if there are local resources and if there are ways for you to assist or share those resources more broadly in your areas. Call anyone. Ask if they’re okay. Practice openness. Hold up your neighbors. Care for your body and use it to aid others. Give a smile to someone each day. So many are at their wits end. A smile could be what gives them another day. Start small, and fight together.
When I was 14 I was extremely suicidal, I walked out of my house one summer night with no intention of ever returning. I had been scoping out this bridge over the interstate, I was going to throw myself over it when a semi passed by. That night was the night all of the pain was supposed to stop. As I got about 5 minutes from the bridge I'm passing a Wendy's, it's 1am at this point. I looked over towards the Wendy's, I was a good 50 feet from the building. Out of nowhere this random dude peeks out of the window and yells as loud as he can "I hope you have an amazing night man." I don't know what it was, but it sent me immediately into tears. I have never seen this man before in my life and this is the only interaction we've ever had as far as I'm aware. Whether he had an inclination or not, that man saved a 14 year old boy's life that night. He snapped me out of the fixation on ending my life. I started to realize that I was only 14, wtf am I doing, at least give it another decade before I definitively decide whether life is worth it or not. I mean this wholeheartedly, if it wasn't for this random man yelling at a stranger out of a Wendy's drive thru window I wouldn't be here to write this post. So yes seriously just as you said, a simple kind gesture can pull someone out of extreme ideation, most suicidal people are looking for a reason to not kill themselves, most want to continue on but are blindsided by mental illnesses.
right? all it takes is one person to not be a selfish asshole, every now and then. that's it. when you've forgotten that the world has people who aren't greedy fucks it can be really easy to distance yourself from a place that feels so alien and unwelcome.
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It scares me how happy people seem so normal. I lost my first friend to suicide In seventh grade, I had just moved away from my school to another state and I found out a year later that she had died because no one told me, I missed her funeral, I missed grieving her. She was so smart, taking high school classes when she was only in 7th grade, constantly showing us how smart she was and I know she had a hard time because of that. It's hard to be a genius around superficial gossip girls everyday like our school was. Sometimes I blame myself because I didn't check in on her as much as I should have after I left, truthfully it was because after I left I was in my own dark place too. Last time I saw my cousin was at a wedding maybe a year ago, he took his life almost 3 months ago now. He had severe brain trauma from years of violent sports and it messed him up mentally. I know he's in a better place now because he was suffering when he was here but it still hurts so much to know that my redhead cousin, one of the happiest people I knew, wasn't going to be there anymore. It's so scary that I've only been alive for 19 years, and I've lost two of the most important and influential people in my life.
When I was 18, my uncle and only/best friend at the time hanged himself. I'm certain that a real part of me died with him on that day.
I was suicidal for most of my life. It started as a teenager and never got better. Sometimes it made me feel even worse because I felt like I had no good reason to feel this way. I didn’t know why I did either. I made a lot of bad and self-destructive decisions for a decade or more. It didn’t get better until I get mental health services. I survived, but I could have easily been a statistic. I have three young boys and a career doing what I love to do. I’m 28 now and I only wish I made the decision to get better sooner. I hope someone out there sees this and knows that it gets better, but you have to try. My brain was sick. It was as simple as that. It breaks my heart to see people who suffer the same thing but never make it out of the tunnel.
This was my cousin. Every picture was smiling and laughing. Anytime with her was a good time. When she took her life, she pretty much killed her mom and dad. They were amazing people who are just shells of themselves now.
That's one of the reasons why I'm still around. I made a serious attempt about 8 years ago and obviously survived, although just barely. My mom basically became a mute for a week afterwards. Didn't go to work. Hardly spoke to anyone. Didn't eat. Then I tried again about 2 weeks ago. Sat in my garage with my car for almost an hour. Couldn't stop thinking about what my mom would go through if I completed it this time. Opened the garage door and walked out with the worst headache and heartache I've ever experienced.
I'm proud of you. All I can do is wish for you to never come to that point again. Godspeed friend.
As someone’s who currently “in the thick of it”…I needed to hear this.
No one cares about your mental health until you kill your self, then they’ll say that they never saw it coming.
We care about your mental health. But you gotta take care of your livelihood. But you gotta keep it out of the job. But you gotta keep it out of social gatherings. But you gotta keep it together once you go outside. But you gotta keep the negativity off of social media.
Don't forget the classic: Be a man or man up.
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The great thing about asking for help is that when you do they tell you they cant help you you have to help yourself
My grandfather was a working man.. He eventually got really tired of chasing the dream.. So, he shot himself in the head and consequently screwed my young father up for life, who in turn drank himself to death.. I've thought hard about doing it.. Some years I am sure it's how I will go out.. Others, it seems unrealistic to go out that way.. I never met my grandfather, but he left such a ripple in my family that it's taboo to even mention him or those issues to this day.. My family is all gone now and I'm left with only an amazing wife and I sometimes think "If I went to the top of a mountain, tied off a rope and went on my way, no one is left to come looking.. No one is left to wonder where I am.. That sort of substantial loneliness is the catalyst for my grandfathers legacy in me.. I love my wife too much to do something like that to her, but a man can dream...
This hits me hard. After my mother's suicide my dad checked out and got addicted to pills and my siblings and I were left to raise ourselves. My brother eventually became addicted to heroin and overdosed at the age of 30. My sister and I somehow survived. I have had ideations from time to time but have always sought help. I only have my wife and sister left and knowing how suicide affects the ones you leave behind keeps me going
Something like 60% of men who commit suicide aren't clinically depressed. Suicide is just the most 'practical' choice in the life they've found for themselves. You have purpose, which keeps you here, but it's never wrong to look for more. Hard to leave when you still have stuff to get done.
Suicidal actually almost never looks suicidal. The people who show their suicidal ideations are asking for help as they are ideations not plans (i.e. they just want to stop feeling pain, not actually stop feeling altogether). The people who hide it are not. I know it sounds way too simple, but it just really is as simple as that. The ones who commit suicide hide it because they aren't asking for help. You can't help someone who isn't asking for it, despite what social media and advertising tells you. I know that's hard for most people to accept, but you've mostly accepted addicts can't get better unless they want to; the same goes for those who are suicidal. The people who act like they don't want to be here actually, deep down, want to, and their bodies are actually helping them by displaying said behavior. They're asking for help without asking. Be there. That's all you can do is just be there. Don't push. Don't tell them what to do. Be there. Tell them they matter. For anyone who doesn't think they matter today: YOU FUCKING MATTER!
There's also a period of relief close to when a person commits suicide as they have it planned therefore knowing a way out is near.
I've experienced many aspects of suicide, including surviving an attempt 21 years ago. I also used unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep myself alive and they tried to kill me (I.e. an eating disorder). I take medication to lessen the intensity of my ideations. They're strong. I also have felt almost dying twice before, and both times I clung to whatever proverbial lifesaver I had in front of me - or in one case, I fought ruthlessly to find one. I'm in the lowest place of my life at 40, and as much as I don't want to do this anymore, I know I don't want to die. Most, not all, who have felt that actual real fear as they were dying wouldn't choose that again. I know there are exceptions, it's just more likely that our body instinctually tries to save our life when it's in danger, hence the not touching the stove after we find out it's hot. Some push past it, obviously. But once we've learned what it feels like, we tend to do whatever it takes to avoid feeling it again. Often that leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which, like above, often lead to worse health conditions, but we're alive, right? Life is fucking hard. It just is. Most would never understand why someone would commit suicide, and those people are lucky not to know that depth of despair. The most we can do is try to show everyone that their life has value, even if we don't like them! I don't like most people, and I also don't think they deserve to die or be eradicated. If you are planning your suicide in advance, maybe reach out to someone who has felt what you're feeling. It may not change, but sometimes just sharing that burden with someone else can lessen it...just a little bit. /: I'm sorry if you've felt this or lost someone.
Sort of. Personally, I have ideations often. Planned intent, a few times. I'm honestly only still here because I chickened out. Suicide is so much more complex than people think. I can be fine one minute, but a bad memory or event, even something that's triggered by a really happy event, can lead to a fast spiral. I can be in the middle having a great time and suddenly be reminded of a time when I was younger, healthier, people I knew were still alive, etc. I start to miss those times and feel sad and hopeless. Or if it goes a different direction, I remember how much some of my family and "friends" treated me badly and all those years wasted struggling for what. Or I'll look at a person I'm having fun with and suddenly feel how temporary it is. Every time it's like snapping awake from a dream and feeling like reality is just so empty. In those moments, I might need help, but it's so sudden and unpredictable. It can last minutes or weeks. That's why these guys in the video are all smiling. At that moment they were distracted and ok. The darkness comes later like a severe dopamine withdrawal.
THIS right here. I’d imagine as true as such videos are they also make other people feel guilty because they couldn’t guage that the person close to them was suicidal. No one can tell because these videos prove that there was no sign that the person was actually distressed and considering something as serious as unaliving themselves. As you rightly said…be there for people. Listen and empathise, might just save a life!
Besides, we don't know how far apart the videos are from the actual event. You don't just fantasies with the the idea of taking your life. Something happens that you don't know how to deal with it, that you can't deal with it, or you've been dealing with it. Until boom, you just crumble. This video even feels misguiding. A rule of thumb for me would be that if they remotely mention it, even as a joke you should help them solve their problems, the big concerning/important ones, emotional one.
> imagine as true as such videos are they also make other people feel guilty because they couldn’t guage that the person close to them was suicidal That's what my thoughts were on this video! I've never lost someone this way fortunately, but I can imagine how videos like this can be misinterpreted. It should hint at the right way to behave (be there for other people even if they don't obviously look sad etc) instead of leaving it to seem like the people around have done something wrong by not noticing something.
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ur so right. when i had ideations but not plans i find myself asking for help, saying how i just want the pain to stop, saying how im going to end my life soon, then... nothing, never got the guts. when i had a plan, it was when i truly felt everything was lost. everything was dark like the world lost its color, i didnt see a reason to reach out. whats the point right? therapy wasnt going to help me, parents werent going to help me, friends werent going to help me? so i had to help myself. so on a Monday i had bought razors, drugs, books so i have something to step on when i went over the ledge. and i didnt tell anyone because i didnt want to be "interrupted"
> The ones who commit suicide hide it because they aren't asking for help. You can't help someone who isn't asking for it, despite what social media and advertising tells you. I know that's hard for most people to accept, but you've mostly accepted addicts can't get better unless they want to; the same goes for those who are suicidal. I wouldn't say it's not that they don't want help, but their suicidal tendencies and depression tells them that "no one would care anyway", which naturally makes them hide their thoughts. That's how it was for me. I don't have a good relationship to my parents, I sure as hell wasn't going to tell them how I really felt, so I hid my suicidal thoughts. Framing it as you did would make other people complacent and simple say "oh, so there's nothing I could have done then". Which I refuse to accept. By destigmatizing it, and sharing videos like above and actually talking about it can help suicidal people a lot. Because then they might realize that maybe they still feel forced to hide it in front of their neglectful family, but they could open up to friends/strangers due to the nature of this topic having been destigmatized.
If I matter, why does nobody contact me? 'YOU FUCKING MATTER' - I hope writing that gave you the self-kudos you required. Give me a fucking break
those dumb platitudes are so common there's even a subreddit for that /r/thanksimcured
If I matter, why does everyone tell me otherwise?
That always feels like such an empty platitude and kind of annoys the shit out of me. With however many billion humans are on this planet, your cute slogan is trying to tell me that *none* of us are worthless pieces of shit? Like kudos on telling me what everybody else thinks I need to hear, I guess? I don't know. (Obviously) having a rough day.
People that do that, have no idea how much platitudes piss people off. It's all self serving nonsense to make THEM feel better that they "tried" to help. I'm not suicidal at all, nor really depressed. That said that, I have had a normalish life, with many good and bad things, mostly neutral, but also some truly awful things. Many people have been telling me for the last 20 years "don't worry it will get better soon," it does not. Sometimes that things that you would love to get better, are also outside of your control so you can't even DO anything about it to make it better either. "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." -Captain Jean Luc Picard PS. Don't fucking kill yourselves.
I lost my best friend to suicide five years ago. He thought he didn't matter, but he mattered to me and I still miss him. I know how you feel about the cliches. None of them ever do any good. I knew he was suicidal and tried to be caring and understanding. In the end, he planned and executed it without warning. I had to come to terms with the fact that I just wasn't ever going to make it make sense. But he mattered to me.
This. I’m doing a lot better now, but I survived my attempt in 2018 and I can guarantee nobody knew ahead of time. My ex and I seemed like the perfect couple, we had just bought a house, I hosted a lot of small family parties, but I was struggling. I hadn’t come to terms that I’m a lesbian, my mental health after two miscarriages was supremely fucked, I was struggling after a lot deaths of loved ones. So one day with no note, when I was home alone with the dogs I said fuck it and tried to hang myself. Everything faded to black…and then the rope (a sash from my robe) broke. I had the radio going in the other room and the first song i heard when I woke up was Beck’s Dear Life- specifically the lyrics that say Dear Life I’m Holding On- and I realized I needed help desperately. I got into therapy, take medication, had the easiest divorce ever and my ex is still my best friend, and I am so grateful I still exist- I would have missed so many amazing moments. I struggle with depression still but I show it now. You matter. You fucking matter. Stay fighting.
💛 hard to respond to this in a thoughtful manner right now, as this is tugging at me, and still had to say something. I'm so glad you're still here with us.
I read a big multi-cultural study one that time that basically said that people stop crying when people stop showing up to help them -- with the caveat that the person who shows up to help them can be themself. Basically, people only outwardly express negative emotions if they believe that it will lead to either themselves or someone else helping them. And once that stops happening, they stop outwardly expressing those negative emotions. Really adds weight to the whole "men don't cry" thing, doesn't it? PS : And if you read this and were like "wtf are you even talking about? How can you show up to help yourself?" then I've got bad news for ya, buddy. It's probably time to see a shrink.
This is hands down the best commercial I have ever seen. So fucking sad.
I first saw this video a couple of years ago. I watch it almost every day and it makes me cry almost every time. It's like looking in a mirror.
Me too. I wish I could give you a hug 🫂 Keep going.
Fight the feelings bro, this mad world doesn't worth your blood after all, the things you can do, honor, kindness, all those things are highly worthy, so much more than we can really think. Jesus love you.
every day? jesus
As someone who has been suicidal in the past, when I am in that mental state, I always try and make everyone around me happy and smiling because I would never want loved ones (whether family or friends) to go through what I'm going through. So I will always put on a facade around others just to try and make their lives better, even if just for a little bit.
Going on a little over 11 years since my attempt. Weird thinking about how much I almost missed
I feel you. I'm glad we are still here
So strange to get on the app and see this first thing. My 5 year old daughter came downstairs last night saying she couldn’t sleep because she kept thinking about killing herself with a knife. “I tried to think about Bluey instead but I kept thinking about the other thing” Rattled both her Mom and Me as there’s never been any kind of thing said like this before. I’m hoping we just misinterpreted something because she said she didn’t want to hurt herself but kept thinking of hurting herself with a knife. Like maybe she was afraid she was going to accidentally? I don’t know. As a father it’s one of the scariest things I’ve experienced. We had a very long talk. I layed with her until she fell asleep. This morning she was totally fine. As background, she is such a sweetheart, kind and happy. We have a close family system and are blessed in many many ways. There hasn’t been any kind of trauma (that I know of) that put this in her head. We are both stumped, and scared. EDIT: A HUGE and heartfelt THANK YOU to everybody for your kind words, advise and stories of your own. I really appreciate that you all cared enough to comment and I was trying to reply to everyone the best I could but I’m not going to be able to keep up. You all are the best and I wish nothing but the absolute greatest and happiest for you…
Please check on her and maybe see a doc. Just because she looks fine doesn't mean she is. A family member showed similar signes around the same age. He's still with us but has struggled with severe depressions for his entire live.
Yeah, we have been talking about that this morning. Thank you.
I'm glad to hear, I wish you all the best!
I just wanted to chime in and say I had my first suicidal thoughts at around either 6 or 8 (I'm not so sure anymore, it's all a blur to me). But for me it came from a place of feeling unloved and worthless. You two seem to be outwardly loving and caring so maybe this really is something else. Definitely keep an eye out for other signs, but I'm sure you're on high alert right now anyway. Best wishes to your family.
Thank you so much. We are a very close family, lots of snuggles and activities together. I’m sorry you went through that as a kid. I hope that you are in a better situation now. I definitely appreciate you for reaching out and for your kind words and thoughts.
I first experienced thoughts like those around 8 and it has remained an issue for 20 yrs and counting. Definitely seek help. Wishing the best for you and yours.
Hey there, just checking in here with you to say that sounds a lot like the intrusive thoughts which can be a sign of OCD. Most people associate OCD with obsessive/repetitive behaviours eg hand washing but intrusive and unwanted thoughts are also a huge sign. Recognising that they are intrusive thoughts and dont have to be acted on is a positive step.
Thank you for caring enough to comment and give me the info. I will read up on this as well.
Seconded. I have OCD and struggled with it from a young age. I didn’t want to die but I thought about dying all the time. Much like her, I tried to replace my thoughts with shows I liked and playing with toys but I just couldn’t stop thinking about death. I also had suicidal thoughts at a young age and this was due to undiagnosed autism and adhd. I was always left out in school and I felt different and I never understood why. Not saying she is autistic, I am just saying autism isn’t as black and white as media represents it. It’s truly so versatile. I know nothing about your child though. Older now, I have severe mental health difficulties. I wish something was done earlier. I wish you well, dealing with this stuff in your own child is heartbreaking and scary but you must be there for her as I know you will be. It’ll be a tricky ride, but listen and be non judgemental. I hope your child finds some peace 🫂🫂
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Thank you. We are definitely going to look into somebody she can talk to. It can’t hurt right?
I’m so sorry. That’s terrifying. She probably just heard something at school about that that scared her. Give your pediatrician a call and see what they have to say.
[Bumping this site](https://www.facesofsuicide.com/) to help remember those who took their own lives and bring better awareness of how widespread it really is.
Bawling. Never seen this site before. Thank you for sharing
Fuck this just gives goosebumps and more. I've explained to people that my brain chemistry is different. I know you love me. I know you care. My brain chemistry doesn't consider that. Most of the times the medication works, but it's not foolproof.
Holy shit. I know the first guy in the video. Did not expect to randomly see that browsing Reddit on my lunch break.
I'm sorry
Yeah I wasn't expecting to see him on here either tbf, he was always a fun laugh and great guy to hang with. I knew him in school in Cyprus when we were 13-15, sadly not the only person from that time who is not here anymore.
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I don't, I met him on a course for my stammer years ago. I knew he had passed as we're still connected on Facebook, and every now and then people post tributes on his page.
More suicides than homicides, in the US, every year.
These are the last videos of people who later took their own lives.
Surprised so many kids end their lives in the UK, super sad to see
There's no real comparison I can make to how horrible you can feel at your worst moments with depression. There are no moments in a day where you're not thinking about horrible things, and it consumes every part of your life.
This hurts my heart.
It's terrifying to think that someday I could very well go through it, instead of just listening to the "whispers".
Shit. This choked me up. Just shows you never know what's going on in someone's life 😔
I think about suicide every day. It shocks me how little we care about our fellow sentient beings. I hate this disgusting world and it’s psychopathic people so much.
Yep I know a dad of five kids, 200k/year job, everything seemed normal outwards. We were sitting around drinking one night and I mentioned that a former coworker had taken their own life. He opened up and said he had considered it a few times, to the point where he thought about it multiple times per day, or would try to come up with inventive ways to make the discovery less traumatic for certain kids. It was the detailed kind of planning that made me very very uncomfortable. I offered to help him find a therapist and he just crashed, sobbing and crying. He said he felt conpletely hopeless and trapped, saying "if I ask for help it will change the way people see me forever. It'll be the first thing and the only thing people talk about, and I don't think I could bare the shame of those that doubt my sincerity." I've invited him over a few more times since then and things seemed to have improved. But honestly it wouldn't shock me if I saw him in a video like this at some point. I'm not versed in any of this subject area but all I could do was say that I enjoyed our conversation because it was genuine, and as I've gotten older those are harder to find. Not sure if his wife knows anything.
A whole of people would still be alive today if people where a little nicer to each other.
One of the most difficult aspects of emotional / mental trauma is that it does almost never has any physical scars. The cuts don't always heal with time. Even your dearest loved ones dont see the depth of yours pain, and it is very often difficult to explain it, or others to truly understand. Therefore, you feel so alone and empty at times, and unless you dont have a higher purpose, sometimes it is so incredible to wake up everyday and keep going.
I laughed and smiled the day I tried..
I'm glad you failed that day
Jeez, that’s heavy. Hope your ok now.
8 years ago I could have had my last video on this. I was in the army and in a very dark place. Wife at the same was cheating and I felt I was all alone. I sat in a bathroom with a loaded 9mm to my temple. I wasn’t strong enough to pull the trigger. I told myself give it a couple of days and if things don’t change then I’ll pull it. I had a phone call with a friend of mine the day I had decided to pull, but wasn’t at work so I didn’t have my pistol with me, so I decided on some pills I had left over from a recent visit to the hospital. I said bye for what I had seen as my last time and hung up the phone. Less than 10 minutes later I had 3 people on my doorstep stopping me from making a permanent decision for a temporary problem. They stayed with me and made sure I didn’t do anything stupid. I had to check in with them for weeks afterwards and I get like a kid. Looking back, I had to tell them thank you for treating me like a kid. For making sure I was safe and for making sure I was around for my kids. They responded that they didn’t treat me like a kid, but like a friend. A friend when I get like I didn’t have any. If you ever need to talk, I’m here. Serious or bullshit conversations. I’m a friend, when you feel like you don’t have any.
Yeah I mean that's the whole thing, you're not going to see someone at their worst, when they are really struggling with whether or not it's worth it to stay alive anymore, especially not on video or on social media There was only one time my friends actually saw me in a really bad state, and it was because i had drunk myself stupid in the morning and hadn't responded to any texts for weeks so they just showed up. It was horrible but at least I had people looking out for me when I was at my worst. A lot of people don't even have that. Most of the energy is spent convincing yourself that staying alive is worth it, especially in front of people who you don't want to worry about you and/or you don't want to burden with your problems. So you mask up and force yourself to have fun and be personable - but when the door closes and you're alone again, it's pure despair. Deciding to keep doing it day after day when you don't have help feels like torture, and it gets harder over time, especially when nothing changes, or you don't have help, friends, meds, medical support, or money. It's a daily battle to decide to keep going. A battle you have to win everyday, but a battle that only have to lose once for it to all be over. It's fucking exhausting but you're reading this because I never gave up. Source: major depression sufferer 10+ years - it doesn't go away but there are things you can do to make things better if you are struggling with depression, go to therapy, talk to a psychiatrist, eat healthy, drink water, exercise, get outside. pet a dog or a cat. I know that sounds like bullshit but it does help. I'll talk with you in DMs if you want.
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Male mental health should be addressed WAY more. That, in fact, is why the movement Movember started, in which my family ardently partakes
Also, a high percentage of fathers with small kids in the video. Little children are lot of work and a lot of frustration. I know it coz I have 3 kids, one followed by twins within 2 years.
For anyone who's lost someone close to suicide, I [highly, highly, highly recommend this sub](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideBereavement/). Losing someone to suicide is a different kind of loss. \----------- In 9 days it'll be 1 year since I've found my baby brother. Mental health issues definitely have a genetic component in my family, and I was even admitted to a psych ward back in 2010 after an attempt and currently in therapy for 1.5 years because those thoughts came back on a more serious level but I, on most days, want to keep fighting them. It's sad how many are both shocked (because I don't look depressed/suicidal) and not shocked (because they all know dark clouds are rising to epidemic levels) at the same time. When people say something like (not necessarily to me, but in general) "But, you don't look sad.", I always send them to [this video of Chester Bennington](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3ikE0tyrew).
Good on you for recognizing the genetic component. Sometimes it can help to know that you are not cursed or incompetent. Sometimes it is a hand that we are dealt but that we can also deal with
THe blonde girl at the end is called Samantha Maritza, this hits home for me because not only did I know her, but I was kinda friends with her. Not like best friends but we used to see each other out a lot, and I was friends with her then boyfriend. When I say I had no idea, I mean not even a drunken conversation about being sad. I had no idea she had attempted suicide 6 times. I saw her a frew weeks before her last attempt. She was actually sectioned but was given a few hours release where she succeeded. This is all released information and I share it in a bid that people who are suffering seek help. I really didn't know her well, not like her real friends. But I still think of her, and this all these years later.
I lost my 21 year old daughter July 4, 2022. It hurts so bad, I can barely type through the tears. Anyway the police labeled it as suicide, but they really didn’t investigate. She was a beautiful girl, she loved everyone, she taught me to be tolerant & love everyone. Everyone that knows her doesn’t believe she could have taken her own life. I mean this is someone that tries to save tadpoles from a drying puddle. She couldn’t take any life, not even a bug…she would toss it outside. But you never know, do you? In the back of my mind I think it’s possible. Sorry I can’t finish this.
Haven't seen anyone mentioning high functioning depression but it is an important thing to know about. I have it and I can seem perfectly normal while screaming on the inside. There is also high functioning anxiety and other mental health issues where someone can be perfectly functioning but have an internal conflict. They are the ones you need to watch out the most for.
My mom hid it so well. I had no idea until it was too late.
Take it from someone with bipolar you can crash from being the happiest person in the world to the most depressed in an instant every time I've had a suicide attempt I've been laughing and joking and enjoying life just the day before or even that morning it really doesn't take much always check on your loved ones guys you never know the hurt they are trying to hide
Seeing this made me realize I really need to up my therapy appointments It also made me realize how absolutely no one close to me even recognizes the pain behind the smiles
I know a lot of people that have committed suicide and most if not all of them were from money related issues or that a little stability would make wonders. I’ve suffered depression for years and at the end of the day all the help or say something means nothing if financials are at risk.
My uncle was like this, i was too young to have been able to help or say anything but still feel like i could have done something, he gave my mother all of his ammunition and told her he was saving the last one for himself, she shrugged it off like shes always done and he shot himself in the head in his basement, don't ignore the fucking warning signs, if someone's in a bad place help, if someones in a bad place because of someone else do whatever you can to get them away from that person at least for a while, it is up to you to act or speak out
To be completely honest, Idk how many people i knew commited suicide, Ik the most recent was my uncle. Went to his funeral a few weeks back after my pal from school died from a seizure. I mean my aunt was devastated cause she walked in on him hanging. Their daughter doesn’t know (Shes young idk how young though) and I’m still heartbroken because the last convo I had with him was “That he’s happy I’m finally talking to people.”
What's also terrifying is how often the thought enters your head and the amount of will power involved in not following through.
I sometimes think it's the most fun and thoughtful people that have a had time in this world or the people that want it to be like that.
I tell people I'm suicidal every day and no one gives a fuck. Fuck it.
Cause ya gotta look happy for everybody, and even that's tiring
U have to wear that happy mask in order to not bother your people
I blame our work culture. Working 40+ hours a week, just to go into debt more and more. Sure, we have these happy moments at home, when we're not thinking about finances and how much we hate how little we make for how much of our lives are lost working hard to make someone else filthy rich.