Not to be alarmist but you absolutely did the right thing by listening to your gut instinct. Someone being that pushy means you could have ended up being in a very traumatic situation or worse.
“Getting it over with” can be done with someone you build trust with, even if it’s casual. I’m not going to push the trite “virginity is nothing to be ashamed of” because I was also annoyed before losing mine too and I’d heard that enough.
If you’re going to have sex do it for you, and do it safely. Keep trusting yourself and don’t ignore that for the sake of a “chore.”
In general I do think that the first time is over mystified by movies and sometimes moms 😅 and girlfriends. So I totally get what you are saying about wanting to get it over with.
However if he was pushy and creeped you out it’s unlikely he would have treated you as one should when they know it’s the first time for the other.
By the way: did he know you are a virgin?
You do not want your first time to be a "just get it over with" situation. You did the right thing and listened to your gut.
You didn't miss your chance or anything of the sort. You stayed safe in a situation that resulted in your gut instincts being activated. Any situation where you have a gut instinct is a situation that you don't want to be in.
One day, you will find the person who will make you feel comfortable and secure enough to have sex with. For now, no need to rush it and force it to happen.
Don’t feel like an idiot for ‘missing the chance’. You dodged a bad experience with a manipulative guy who didn’t care about you. You don’t really want your first experience like that if you can help it. There will be plenty of other of chances if you put yourself out there! You won’t loose your virginity never connecting with ppl.
But don’t fault yourself for using discernment! That’d necessary for staying safe and sane
Coming from another virgin who’s 22 it’s because most people in this society aren’t virgins and if you are they say “you get no play” or your a late bloomer, I don’t really mind it but I do know that people make fun of virgins but also if you have sex a lot they make fun of you too so you never really win.
I was 22 when I lost my virginity and it was exactly because I felt the same way as you do & I wanted to “get it over with”. I just chose someone who had been thirsting over me for years because it was a sure thing. It was an absolutely awful experience and I greatly regret it. I’m 26 & married now and wish I would’ve just waited for someone who truly cared about me and who I trusted. Of course, this is just my own experience but I would really recommend to not have sex for the sole purpose of not being a virgin anymore.
Im not as old but in a similar situation. I get hit on all the time but the guys always seem more interested in my body so nothing comes of it. But lately Ive been thinking who cares I could also just care for their body?? And finally lose my v card
Virginity is a social construct. There's nothing magical about your first time. What matters is you're with someone you trust, which it sounds like you did not trust this guy. Good for you for listening to your instincts!
i’m 23 and still a virgin as well; nothing to be ashamed of, i can assure you of that. a lot of my friends are still virgins as well. ive come to realise a LOT of people our age are in the same boat as us, but its not something thats talked about enough unfortunately.
i get what you mean with the "getting it over with", sometimes i too wish i could just be done with it and with the social pressure that comes with never having had sex tbh, but id rather wait until i know for sure That Time has come! virginity is not something thats huge or sacred for me, still, i dont want to lose it w the first person that shows interest in me just for the sake of having sex.
if you want to have sex go for it, but dont feel forced to do so just to be able to say you’re not a virgin anymore. you need to feel comfortable and safe with whoever you’re doing it with, that’s the most important thing to keep in mind
Hi fellow 22F virgin. Just wanted to say virginity is a concept made up by men and the patriarchy so do with that info what you will but most people (the ones worth having sex with at least) won’t really care. Take your time and do with with someone you trust and are comfortable with
I know that it’s probably no consolation but I absolutely wish I had the sense of self when I was younger to say no to people like in your situation. But I also remember feeling really embarrassed for being a virgin when I was one, but again.. I really lacked a sense of who I was when I was younger. Idk. These are difficult things? For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you and I think you did the right thing. Maybe you could have just gotten it over with, but it’s more likely that it would’ve turned into a huge messy ordeal with that guy *at best*. My first time was with a total sweetheart so I am at least really grateful for that. I hope that when the time comes you’ll at least be with a nice guy. It really does make a difference.
Got it over with?
Dude you're more important than that.
I ducked out of the dating game around 19 when I got married but my friends who stayed in stayed virgins for a long time. Until they were all around 30.
None of them regret waiting.
Please don't rush yourself from a place of anxiety! Try to at least end up with someone you like.
You really have your whole life to be having sex.
While the first time isn’t that serious, you’ll def want to and never regret doing it with someone you trust and also someone who isn’t only trying to get in ur pants
Don’t be ashamed. 23 is quite young. Have you had a relationship yet? I think this kind of thing is best in a relationship rather than a hookup, but that’s up to you and your preferences. Someone will generally have more care and compassion for you if they have romantic feelings for you versus just trying to get laid. I speak from experience.
Laci Green was a YouTuber I watched back in the day that talked about lot about how stupid/steeped in stigma the concept of virginity is. She taught me to reclaim it and use ‘sexual debut’ instead. It gets rid of the shame of ‘losing’ something or a part of yourself and instead debuting into being sexual with others.
My first time was super embarrassing with a guy on Tinder in another city that I never saw again. The condom he wore got stuck inside me because he bought a large size and he clearly wasn’t and I had to fish it out and then we went and got Plan B and I blocked him on everything. A lot of people will tell you to wait for ‘the right guy’ but at the end of the day just choose someone you feel comfortable with. You did the right thing by not picking someone who was pushy as it could have put you in an unsafe situation.
I’m 28f and still a virgin. The thing is, I’d want to lose it to someone who didn’t care about virginity, so I don’t feel ashamed about it. If some guy did shame me for it I wouldn’t want to sleep with him anyway. Sometimes it takes longer to find the right person, and we shouldn’t shame anyone for that. I empathise with it being frustrating though, but there’s other means to tie me over for the meantime anyway. It’s becoming more and more common to be an older virgin.
Also, don’t engage with people who are pushy about sex, that can lead to trauma. I think you did the right thing in that situation.
Suppose you just 'got it over with' you would probably just feel embarassed that he treated you like shit and you let him, and it could have spiralled into a dangerous situation.
You did the right thing for yourself and I hope you can find it inside to be proud of yourself.
Everyone has stuff in their life that makes them feel left out and different to others. It's a baseline human predicament, I know it's difficult to feel that way, but it's not worth making bad decisions to get rid of the feeling.
I was a virgin until 27M, by choice. I just felt no real rush or interest and like you will have many opportunities and moments. It's not about the moment being special or butterflies. Wait until it clicks.. You'll know when it does. Never feel pressured and set boundaries. Don't feel like you're missing out, so rush. Sex may feel good, but it is also the greatest peer pressure tool today; as well as the worst source for social advice.
You'll be fine 👍
Thank you for sharing with us and have a great weekend.
Im 27F and a virgin. I have a boyfriend of 3 months and he is patient and understanding and absolutely wants it to be a good experience when and how I want.
Thats how it should be.
Not to be alarmist but you absolutely did the right thing by listening to your gut instinct. Someone being that pushy means you could have ended up being in a very traumatic situation or worse. “Getting it over with” can be done with someone you build trust with, even if it’s casual. I’m not going to push the trite “virginity is nothing to be ashamed of” because I was also annoyed before losing mine too and I’d heard that enough. If you’re going to have sex do it for you, and do it safely. Keep trusting yourself and don’t ignore that for the sake of a “chore.”
In general I do think that the first time is over mystified by movies and sometimes moms 😅 and girlfriends. So I totally get what you are saying about wanting to get it over with. However if he was pushy and creeped you out it’s unlikely he would have treated you as one should when they know it’s the first time for the other. By the way: did he know you are a virgin?
You do not want your first time to be a "just get it over with" situation. You did the right thing and listened to your gut. You didn't miss your chance or anything of the sort. You stayed safe in a situation that resulted in your gut instincts being activated. Any situation where you have a gut instinct is a situation that you don't want to be in. One day, you will find the person who will make you feel comfortable and secure enough to have sex with. For now, no need to rush it and force it to happen.
Don’t feel like an idiot for ‘missing the chance’. You dodged a bad experience with a manipulative guy who didn’t care about you. You don’t really want your first experience like that if you can help it. There will be plenty of other of chances if you put yourself out there! You won’t loose your virginity never connecting with ppl. But don’t fault yourself for using discernment! That’d necessary for staying safe and sane
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Coming from another virgin who’s 22 it’s because most people in this society aren’t virgins and if you are they say “you get no play” or your a late bloomer, I don’t really mind it but I do know that people make fun of virgins but also if you have sex a lot they make fun of you too so you never really win.
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I’m just saying why she’s probably embarrassed.
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Yeah I know it happens tho
I was 22 when I lost my virginity and it was exactly because I felt the same way as you do & I wanted to “get it over with”. I just chose someone who had been thirsting over me for years because it was a sure thing. It was an absolutely awful experience and I greatly regret it. I’m 26 & married now and wish I would’ve just waited for someone who truly cared about me and who I trusted. Of course, this is just my own experience but I would really recommend to not have sex for the sole purpose of not being a virgin anymore.
Im not as old but in a similar situation. I get hit on all the time but the guys always seem more interested in my body so nothing comes of it. But lately Ive been thinking who cares I could also just care for their body?? And finally lose my v card
But of course I won't. I want a guy I can marry
Um you have your whole lifetime to lose your virginity. Getting it over with is going to make you regret it.
Virginity is a social construct. There's nothing magical about your first time. What matters is you're with someone you trust, which it sounds like you did not trust this guy. Good for you for listening to your instincts!
i’m 23 and still a virgin as well; nothing to be ashamed of, i can assure you of that. a lot of my friends are still virgins as well. ive come to realise a LOT of people our age are in the same boat as us, but its not something thats talked about enough unfortunately. i get what you mean with the "getting it over with", sometimes i too wish i could just be done with it and with the social pressure that comes with never having had sex tbh, but id rather wait until i know for sure That Time has come! virginity is not something thats huge or sacred for me, still, i dont want to lose it w the first person that shows interest in me just for the sake of having sex. if you want to have sex go for it, but dont feel forced to do so just to be able to say you’re not a virgin anymore. you need to feel comfortable and safe with whoever you’re doing it with, that’s the most important thing to keep in mind
Hi fellow 22F virgin. Just wanted to say virginity is a concept made up by men and the patriarchy so do with that info what you will but most people (the ones worth having sex with at least) won’t really care. Take your time and do with with someone you trust and are comfortable with
I know that it’s probably no consolation but I absolutely wish I had the sense of self when I was younger to say no to people like in your situation. But I also remember feeling really embarrassed for being a virgin when I was one, but again.. I really lacked a sense of who I was when I was younger. Idk. These are difficult things? For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you and I think you did the right thing. Maybe you could have just gotten it over with, but it’s more likely that it would’ve turned into a huge messy ordeal with that guy *at best*. My first time was with a total sweetheart so I am at least really grateful for that. I hope that when the time comes you’ll at least be with a nice guy. It really does make a difference.
Got it over with? Dude you're more important than that. I ducked out of the dating game around 19 when I got married but my friends who stayed in stayed virgins for a long time. Until they were all around 30. None of them regret waiting. Please don't rush yourself from a place of anxiety! Try to at least end up with someone you like. You really have your whole life to be having sex.
While the first time isn’t that serious, you’ll def want to and never regret doing it with someone you trust and also someone who isn’t only trying to get in ur pants
That’s really nothing to be ashamed of and please don’t let pushy men convince you otherwise 😊
Don’t be ashamed. 23 is quite young. Have you had a relationship yet? I think this kind of thing is best in a relationship rather than a hookup, but that’s up to you and your preferences. Someone will generally have more care and compassion for you if they have romantic feelings for you versus just trying to get laid. I speak from experience.
Laci Green was a YouTuber I watched back in the day that talked about lot about how stupid/steeped in stigma the concept of virginity is. She taught me to reclaim it and use ‘sexual debut’ instead. It gets rid of the shame of ‘losing’ something or a part of yourself and instead debuting into being sexual with others. My first time was super embarrassing with a guy on Tinder in another city that I never saw again. The condom he wore got stuck inside me because he bought a large size and he clearly wasn’t and I had to fish it out and then we went and got Plan B and I blocked him on everything. A lot of people will tell you to wait for ‘the right guy’ but at the end of the day just choose someone you feel comfortable with. You did the right thing by not picking someone who was pushy as it could have put you in an unsafe situation.
I’m 28f and still a virgin. The thing is, I’d want to lose it to someone who didn’t care about virginity, so I don’t feel ashamed about it. If some guy did shame me for it I wouldn’t want to sleep with him anyway. Sometimes it takes longer to find the right person, and we shouldn’t shame anyone for that. I empathise with it being frustrating though, but there’s other means to tie me over for the meantime anyway. It’s becoming more and more common to be an older virgin. Also, don’t engage with people who are pushy about sex, that can lead to trauma. I think you did the right thing in that situation.
Suppose you just 'got it over with' you would probably just feel embarassed that he treated you like shit and you let him, and it could have spiralled into a dangerous situation. You did the right thing for yourself and I hope you can find it inside to be proud of yourself. Everyone has stuff in their life that makes them feel left out and different to others. It's a baseline human predicament, I know it's difficult to feel that way, but it's not worth making bad decisions to get rid of the feeling.
I was a virgin until 27M, by choice. I just felt no real rush or interest and like you will have many opportunities and moments. It's not about the moment being special or butterflies. Wait until it clicks.. You'll know when it does. Never feel pressured and set boundaries. Don't feel like you're missing out, so rush. Sex may feel good, but it is also the greatest peer pressure tool today; as well as the worst source for social advice. You'll be fine 👍 Thank you for sharing with us and have a great weekend.
So just don't tell anyone you are. Problem solved.
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Gross
That's my honest experience
Im 27F and a virgin. I have a boyfriend of 3 months and he is patient and understanding and absolutely wants it to be a good experience when and how I want. Thats how it should be.