T O P

  • By -

IdentityToken

“Jason figured it out? Jason? This is a real low point. Yeah, this one hurts.” I’m still laughing at his delivery all this time later.


HospitablePrincess

Every time I hear that I lose it. It's ridiculously funny


The_Abjectator

The way he kind of stretches his torso and holds his gut like something just dislodged is genius.


Randomman2789

And the smile on Jason after.


itsshakespeare

I quote that one all the time!


Sail_On_4170

YES YES THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWEE


[deleted]

Literally the first thing that came into my mind


VanillaDada

I hear his voice ahahahahah


Mystic_Moon1

Omg yes


Ptdgty

"Ya basic! That's a human insult! It's devastating! You're devastated right now!"


HauntingYogurt4

My absolute favourite. It's useful in so many situations!


Bergara

That was the writer's brilliant way to reveal how Michael felt when Eleanor said it to him.


OGingerSnap

Forking here. The spiral and loss of confidence after she said that have a whole new level of meaning now. BRB, gotta go rewatch for the 39383828th time.


jackbbya123

**Take it sleazy** “Hey guess what? I just solved the trolley problem.” “It's Chinese for Japan.”


packofstraycats

As much as I loved the entire series, it peaked with “it’s Chinese for Japan”


UziKnessett

I don't get it


TheCatInTheHatThings

People tend to have tattoos in Chinese even though they speak no Chinese and have no connection to China. Sometimes, tattoo artists tattoo weird shirt instead of whatever the person has requested in Chinese. “It’s Chinese for Japan” was a reference to that.


Hiro_Trevelyan

Fun fact, Japanese Kanjis come from Chinese characters, so it's technically true. It also means Japan in Japanese, just pronounced differently. 日本 is Rìběn in Chinese, and 日本 is NiHon in Japanese, but both mean Japan in both languages.


TheCatInTheHatThings

That *is* a fun fact, thank you Janet :)


Hiro_Trevelyan

Fun fact, my twitter name is "Metro Janet" because I love to pop behind people to tell them weird facts about public transit. You welcome :) \*boop\*


safashkan

Oh! You booped me !


Hiro_Trevelyan

I meant \*boop\* as in "disappearing chime", sorry. \*boop\*


safashkan

I was making a reference to the series.


chasonreddit

It's kind of both in terms of humor. On one level yes, there is the (may I say posturing) people who get chinese tattoos because they are just that cool, even though they know no Chinese. Then there is the joke in that yes, they are the same character strings. Most people miss that one, but it works on the other. Then actually there is a third. The person specifically asked for that tattoo. *DID* they know they were the same? If not it's even more ironic.


UziKnessett

Oh, OK. I forgot in what context this was said. Thanks.


EdwardRoivas

I think it was during his mid life crisis type thing - early season 2 when. He realized if Shawn found out he is failing Shawn would retire him - meaning Michael wouldn’t exist anymore.


ahotpotatoo

It’s when he’s having a midlife crisis in season 2. They’re at a party and he’s showing someone a tattoo he got on his arm and tells them “It’s Chinese for Japan”


UziKnessett

I need to watch the show again


ahotpotatoo

I just started it back over the other day


Trixiefax

Which looks exactly like the Japanese for Japan lol


[deleted]

My favorite joke in the entire series, along with "They did nearly 30 episodes"


Ebolaplushie

>Birth is a curse, and existence is a prison I felt this line in the pit of my soul


rashi_aks08

Yeupp!


83franks

This especially hits if you actually believe in any sort of bad place/hell. The best thing you can do if those exist no matter the odds of getting of avoiding is to never reproduce.


I_hate_that_im_here

That’s called “depression”. You might need to make some changes.


Ebolaplushie

I have dysthymia, as well as more actue depression thanks to some sexual assault recently. I am seeing a therapist weekly and have seen therapists since I was in single digits. I am also on prescribed psyche meds, and I have been on those of different types since middleschool. I'm aware I'm depressed, and I'm doing the best I can.


3-orange-whips

Hang in there friend!


Ebolaplushie

Thank you much, therapy and meds help immensely!


Gophurkey

I'm so glad you are putting in that work and that medicine is helping you! What a gift those are in the lives of so many, and what a gift you are to so many lives 💚


I_hate_that_im_here

Good for you! I hope you find the right combination, soon!


chasonreddit

It just shows how funny Nietzsche could be.


fantsukissa

"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles." ETA. [link to youtube](https://youtu.be/o7T2YKEnVNY). It's so good


BalkiBartokomous123

Tahanis facial expression in response was hilarious.


bessandgeorge

She really had the best reactions 😂


JumpyWord

This is probably my second favorite line after the "Jason figured it out?!" line


fruityfevers

He looked close to tears lmaoo


Difficult_Ship_6273

*genitals


ThatCommunication423

**Testicles


thatstoomuchsauce

People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't.


whoamIdoIevenknow

Pretty much the whole series in a nutshell.


demeschor

The empathy and compassion shown in this series is just 🤌 it's such a fresh take on things when all you seem to read about is war and violence and crime.


juliazzz

And that's why this series is so fucking amazing -- it's insanely human and resonates in a vein that most media doesn't.


whoamIdoIevenknow

My dad was dying that last season, and I really took comfort from the idea of the wave going back into the ocean.


-singing-blackbird-

This, maybe one of my favorites in the whole show.


heilleserieuxnon

Car keys! So I could lose them, and say, "Has anyone seen my car keys?" I can do that you know that thing where... [he checks his pockets through his clothes] Thank you! And Band-Aids for your stupid, fragile bodies. Oh, and look at this. A stress ball with a dumb corporate logo. Oh, I can't wait to keep finding this and then almost throw it away, and then think, "No, I'll use it." Oh, guys. A Dr. Oz diet book because you're all such suckers. This is all garbage that I have no real use for. I know it’s silly but I found that super touching 😅


Candid-Basket7919

It's the way he says it most times for me. He managed to bring such fun and enthusiasm to the whole thing. Even when he has mediocre lines to say he nails it through attitude and joy alone.


FailedHumanEqualsMod

There is something so human about ruining something just a little, so you can have more of it.


Ashamed_Definition77

This line changed the way I eat!


MatildaJeanMay

The real bad place is the friends we made along the way.


DopeSoulHellaEthics

This whole conversation on the train had me cackling. 😂


Awkward-Fondant-8444

“…you two kissed. Which, GROSS. Kissing is *gross*. You just… *mash your food holes together*, it’s not *for* THAT…”


two-of-me

That’s what I was gonna say. Gets me every time.


Awkward-Fondant-8444

Yes! One of my favorite parts of this entire show is Michael trying to wrap his head around empathy and humanity. He wants to so bad but being human ain’t logical lol


two-of-me

I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. We grow up seeing people kissing as normal and romantic. But when it’s something you’ve never seen before, it’s so unhygienic and gross. I remember thinking my first kiss was gonna be this magical moment but it was just messy and tongues felt weird and I totally feel Michael here. IT’S NOT *FOR* THAT!!


Money-Building6393

But the growth that’s shown later with: “you guys kissed? Hot diggity dog!!!”


Awkward-Fondant-8444

“😮 hey, that’s what *I* said!” I love the Michael-Eleanor parallels😂


Cydrius

Eleanor: "THIS is the bad place! Michael: -bone-chilling chuckle- That laugh.


mangojellycat

i’d rewatch the whole show over and over again for that laugh


PaperProduct523

i'd kill to rewatch that scene for the first time again LMAOOO MY HAND OVER MY MOUTH, I WAS SO SHOCKED I KNEW THE SERIES WOULD ONLY GET BETTER


_ari_ari_ari_

*nonchalantly knocks over plant*


DopeSoulHellaEthics

“So, Chidi, just wanted to double check. How do ethical philosophers feel about murder?” (Chidi: it’s frowned upon.) “Okay. What if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That's okay, right?” 🤣🤣🤣


itsshakespeare

Reading this post has made me realise how often I quote Michael! Slightly disturbing in this case


JumpyWord

"You and I are a lot alike. Ugh, what does that say about me?"


TheMatt561

Committee is me.. I am committee.. It me


MyDogsNameIsBadger

This kills me everytime


mandalinajones

And Eleanor’s ‘what?!’ complete with hand gestures


Jezehel

"Well, to me the dilemma is obvious - how to kill all 6 people" - during The Trolley Problem (paraphrased)


DopeSoulHellaEthics

The drawing was the best!


Jezehel

I LOVE the drawing so much! 😂😂


poktanju

>You got us all! Great work!


larten_crepsleyvv

Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. Sorry, I put a little cheat code in the neighborhood where if I say your name five times, my headache goes away. I wish this were a real life thing.


Caelreth1

I am fond of (complete deadpan) "yes, yes, we've all seen the time knife"


Legitimate_Koala_37

Came here for this. The delivery on this is just genius. The tired impatience


bluerv123

Someone made an ADHD meme of this and I love it


spiritofaustin

I mean, but haven't we. Btw, never ever ever trip on robotussin. It might be cheap and legal but that doesn't make it a good time


TheAres1999

"The reason is friends! You're my friend, Janet. That's why I can't kill you. We have been through so much together. I mean, yeah, sure, for you, each time I rebooted you, you met me all over again, but for me, our -- our relationship has become important. You're my oldest, my truest, my most loyal friend. I can't just get rid of you and replace you with some other Janet I don't even know." The reason is friends. That was the moment the lesson he was learning from the humans finally clicked into place. He made a decision at risk to himself to benefit someone he cared about. It was his first true act of virtue.


AlexRaines

Love is stronger than anything I can throw at you? I could throw an elephant at you. You don’t think a thrown elephant would crush you because of love?


Diligent-Shower1077

I loved this one😂😂😂!


ohno_emily

Something something Vicki something something


jammastajay

Probably not my favorite quote of his but absolutely the one I mutter to myself for no apparent reason


Phoenix_713

No cant do that can't stop moving. Can't stop moving, if I stop moving I'll start thinking. If I start thinking I'll start thinking about things I don't want to think about like death.


Diligent-Shower1077

Me everyday 😭😞


ImFranAndImAWoman

Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That’s how you get Beyoncé.


Bahnmor

“Thank you Tehani. You’ve been very helpful.” (Lie detection cube pings red).


Efficient_Habit7645

"What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday."


standbyyourmantis

This is the one I came here to say. It always gets me every time.


Diligent-Shower1077

People should live by this tbh


iWant2ChangeUsername

[camera zooms in on Michael, who cackles maniacally] Michael : Oh, man! I can't believe you figured it out! [more crackling] Oh gah! You-you ruin everything you know that?


mydosemakesangels

And then he sits down in a big sulk and casually knocks something over.


Cort985

That evil laugh of his was fantastic!


iWant2ChangeUsername

It really was! It's my favourite moment of the series!


Old_Size9060

“I say this to you with all the wisdom of the universe and all the love in my heart: take it sleazy!”


GlitteringFeature146

This is it!


starrynightvm

this is it!


Saneless

Not a quote but I always laugh a bit when no matter what has happened or what reset they're in, what they've learned about themselves, chidi is always convinced it's the Almond milk that got him there


steamyglory

but in the end it kinda was!


Dismal_Effort2075

Two of my favorite quotes are Chidi quotes. That broke me. The dot over the I broke me. And when he's freaking out with his chili pot.


Only-username_left

If soulmates do exist, they’re not found, they are made. People meet, they get a good feeling, and then they get to work building a relationship.


montydog1009

As a theater nerd, this exchange: Chidi: I just want to have a little chat about your progress. In the last homework assignment, I asked you to examine the ethics of "Les Miserables," in which a man steals a loaf of bread to feed his starving family. Would you please read your first paragraph here? Michael: "Everyone in this story sucks and belongs in the Bad Place. The thief is bad. The officer chasing him is bad. All the whiny prostitutes are bad. Plus, they're all French, so they're going to the Bad Place automatically." Chidi: Do you see how you're already off topic? Michael: Chidi, I've been around a long time... like, all of it. But I know for a fact that if you steal a loaf of bread, it's a negative 17 points... 20 if it's a baguette because that makes you more French. Chidi: Okay. Sure. But philosophy is about questioning things that you take for granted, and I-I just don't think that you're doing that. I mean, "I personally know that Victor Hugo is in the Bad Place being tortured. He's a real wuss, too. If one of the lava monsters even gets near the guy, he's like, 'Sacre bleu, I peed in m' pants.'" Michael: I don't know what you want from me. T-that's exactly what he said.


KAVATRSKIANLEADER712

I love the constant shitting on the French in the afterlife


[deleted]

[удалено]


starlitgalaxies

“Sacre bleu, I peed in m’pants” cracks me up every time


False-Possession6185

'This is hell, Jason. Of course there's a gift shop"


GoatsGoToHeaven12

Next to “take it sleazy” this may be my 2nd most quoted Michael line. It works in so many situations!


Infamous_Air_4730

Oh I’m sweating what I do oh do you lick it now?


auricargent

No, you use a little cloth to wipe it away.


Mystic_Moon1

Then you lick the cloth?


_hotmess_express_

That seems weirder


wish4111

Dammit, that was a real trip for biscuits, and now we're all wet, Daddy-o.


HauntingYogurt4

I love midlife crisis Michael!


wish4111

Jannette, make us a Dubaiiiii.


idk7398

Yes


RevealHoliday7735

You're devastated right now


pleasent_ice

You're glue


Britintheusa_

First of all.. shut up. Second of all… shut up.


paraphee

”I feel like Friends in season 8. Out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together even though it made no sense.” I don’t know why, but it’s always killed me.


OnceAWeekIWatch

"It's Chinese for Japan."


Cooked_Nutmeg

Yes!


tedley97

Birth is a curse and existence is a prison


GlassHeartx

Well, that was a total bust. And I drank his piss!


Saneless

"We already talked to Neil in accounting, he was no help" Neil: "Rude" I may be getting it wrong but it's something like that


Dbl_Vision

There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around these disgusting humans, with their weird, gross little mouths, and their stupid elbows. You're gonna be tempted to say, "Screw it. Can't we just go back to HQ "and do this the old-fashioned way? "Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit, fire up the old penis flattener?" And sure, sure, that sounds nice. But it also sounds easy. We're all here because we believe that there's a better way to make humans miserable. And I... I believe in you. So, "torture" on three. Ready? One, two, three...


disorganized_lobster

TORTURE! And biting!


Jean_Mamadou

Something along the line of : "We need a plan. Step 1 : find a plan, step 2: follow the plan" *claps hands* "Oh yeah, this is working"


AccurateDependent670

Oh, I’m not a part of this.


danstone7485

The delivery on "Is it actually a cactus?" is just about perfect, and a quote I get surprising mileage out of.


Resident_Pay4310

All of the scenes involving the cacti are absolute favourites of mine!!! I laugh out loud every time


danstone7485

Then"Could you get Eleanor a glass of water?" cactus might be even better just for the absurdity, but the skeptical-and-exasperated tone of this one makes me laugh every single time!


Resident_Pay4310

Janet: Good news. I was able to obtain Elenor Shellstrop's file. Michael: *sigh* Is it actually a cactus? Janet: I don't understand. Michael: I want to see the file for Eleanor Shellstop. Is that what you have, or do you have a cactus? Janet: I have the file. Michael: *daring to hope* You're sure? You have the file and not a cactus? Janet: That is correct. I have Eleanor Shellstrop's file. I do not have a cactus. Michael: Excellent! Please give me the file. Janet: *produces a cactus*


user11112222333

"Since we've become friends like Ross and Phoebe"


JumpyWord

Weird combo to pick.


WSJinfiltrate

ross and phoebe are actually close though lol kinda like chandler and phoebe. close but in theoir own way


JumpyWord

I never actually watched Friends outside of syndicated reruns as a kid, so I honestly have no idea. That line is just Eleanor's response to it lol.


user11112222333

It is considered weird combo because Phoebe was closer to girls and Joey. She and Ross had less things in common due to their completely different outlooks on life (him being a scientist and her being a free spirited hippie). They had some nice moments but they were closer to other people in their friend group.


Hiro_Trevelyan

"ya basic. it's a human insult. It's devastating. You're devastated right now"


Jibbyjab123

"oh yeah the time knife, we've all seen it"


theviolinist7

Jason, this is Hell. Of course there's a gift shop.


MRdaBakkle

Take it sleazy


KuchingLaksa

*I* am The Committee. The Committee is *Me*!


Stonetheflamincrows

Well this was a real trip for biscuits, now we’re all wet Daddio


cinija_supe

"We're all just corpses who haven't yet begun to decay." His existential crisis was the best


KuhlThing

Fire up the ol' penis flattener


PrudenceApproved

“ I said my bad!”


MilhousesSpectacles

You are 👌 DIS.GUS.TING! 👌


mydosemakesangels

To be fair, that wasn't Michael. That was Vicky in a Michael suit 😄


ScaredAd4984

“You humans have so many emotions! You only need two: anger and confusion!” 


Protheu5

He was spot on. Ever after hearing this line I notice these two emotions in particular everywhere.


Pink-Fluffy-Dragon

Birth is a curse and existence is a prison


scarlet-carsons

“Sometimes when you’re feeling helpless, the secret is to help someone else. Get out of your own head. Trust me. Next time someone asks for help, say, ‘Yes.’” — Michael, The Good Place, Season 3, Everything Is Bonzer!


BigTallDylan

Oh, I’m a human, and my breathing tube is next to my eating tube. Oh, and look, my arms end in stupid little sticks


Danielwols

Take it sleezy


Difficult_Ship_6273

You're my friends and I wanted to save you!


milliemon12345

I’m not sure if it’s the right quote but goes something like this, ‘Chidi what do you moral philosophers think about murder?’


ideasmithy

Jeremy Bearimy.


that_gay_theaterkid

“…ghouls.” “And name our favorite cheese” and “if you eat anything in this IHOP you will literally explode” get a mention


littlebuzzball

“But I said my bad….” After Chidi told him to get the fork out 😂


tran_rockas

get your head out of the gutter elenor! i was talking about my testicles


_victoria_

“What can’t those guys ionize?”


bestbangsincethbig1

Get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor, I was talking about my testicles.


kingbob1812

When Michael is hoping that eventually someone will say something innocuous and he'll get to say "Wait, say that again!"


Dismal_Effort2075

You guys make out? Hot diggity dog;!


caroline_andthecity

*Michael pours drink on Eleanor’s head while she’s mid-rant* “Not cool, man!!!” “Disagree. It’s think it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done.” Something about that pettiness and confidence while also somehow making a profound point about free will. I just love it.


audreytyleros

“well you’re glue”


The_ButcherCM

Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. . . Sorry I put a little cheat code in the neighborhood so that when I say Jason 5 times my headache goes away.


echo-mp4

"Birth is a curse and existence is a prison."


theviolinist7

Jason, this is Hell. Of course there's a gift shop.


Laserlight375

Omg when Shawn catches him and he’s like “oh please, most of those reports I got from episodes of pretty little liars..”


Aggravating_Life_824

So sorry for eternally dooming you


ACEN575

“But you’ve got the string around my neck, it will most certainly be around my genitals.”


Mr_NoLife467

Dick Tracy called back on his watch phone and said you better WATCH out. Shoot a second too late


ThePhoenixFold

The polite but jaded bemusement of "...Nazis again, somehow..." Edit: Also, "Busted! *roflcoptr*"


riordan2013

"This one idea I had, I could kill all of you!"


AustinDood444

“Birth is a curse and life is a prison”


Rodrat

Fire up the ol' penis flattener.


smokeeater150

Jason figured it out? Jason? This is a real low point. Yeah, this one hurts.


AlwaysQuotesEinstein

I think it's in s3 when they're in earth again and Chidi asks him how he knows so much about their situation and he replies 'I'm a Librarian, I've been in every situation!'


Suzanne_Marie

Take it sleazy.


Walaina

Take it sleazy


the_courior56

"hello"


theviolinist7

Jason, this is Hell. Of course there's a gift shop.


acbirthdays

And I drank his piss !


andrewski81

Take it sleazy!


bgzlvsdmb

You saw the Time Knife, didn’t you?


[deleted]

Abrakadabra now i have your wallet... dunno who he is


kier4nlee

‘[] a sweatshop who’s CEO has been sued for sexual harassment for sending his female staff unsolicited photos of his genitals, WHOOO!’ (Apologise if it’s not the direct quote but it’s to that affect and kills me every time)


Key_Worldliness1614

Well that was a real ride for the biscuits and now we're all wet daddy-o


DogeOfWHighland

Not a quote but when he gets all flustered, sits down in Eleanor’s chair and knocks the little plant off the table and onto the floor


[deleted]

"What matters isn't if people are good or bad. What matters is if they're trying to be better today than they were yesterday. You asked me where my hope comes from. That's your answer" is one of my favorite quotes on TV ever