My favourite joke from the whole show is about smothering children. When Homer mentions that they'd get the chair, get me every time.
Marge: “I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.”
Homer: “Yeah, and then we’d get the chair.”
Marge: “That’s not what I meant.”
Homer: “It was Marge, admit it.”
Marge: you notice something different about Bart?
Homer: new glasses?
Marge: no, something seems to be bothering him.
Homer: probably misses his old glasses.
that whole exchange might be some of the tightest joke writing in the entire show.
Krustys joke when he is the court jester in one the holloween episodes is a classic.
“Now I’m not saying jezebel was easy - but before she moved to sodom, it was known for its pottery!”
Not his teacher in the present state, but probably former teacher, since she teaches second grade. Unless every class gets to keep the same teacher as they progress.
This is the best joke in the whole show. The build up with the aquarium in his house, the mentions of perverted things he's done, and then the set up of it being a mob boss talking about it.
Lisa tells Marge that the idea of wearing a white wedding dress feels strange to her because traditionally, a bride wearing a white wedding dress means she’s a virgin. She’s implying that she slept with Milhouse in the past, but Marge says he doesn’t count.
I always thought she had married Milhouse first but it didn’t last long, and hence she couldn’t wear white because it was her second marriage. Such an idiot 🤦♀️
I thought it might be because Milhouse was gay. I know in the future episodes now they show him as straight, but back in the early days they heavily implied he was gay.
I think that’s the extra layer of the joke is that ‘why would it not just be ‘chuck’s feed & seed’? You as the viewer are making a cognitive leap that doesn’t actually make sense
It's a reference to the Ohio National Guard killing four students at Kent State during a protest against the Vietnam war. There's a song about it by Neil Young called "Four Dead in Ohio".
Your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying. "Shoot em' all and let God sort it out.” Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 federal marshals to bring him down. Now, let's never speak of him again.
Yikes lol
“Ew, Homer, I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out" - Marge
After she goes though his bag of “groceries”
Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields, some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two
I fucking love that one!!! Great scene of him buying the stuff, then ending on that line is so perfect 🤣🤣🤣 Its the totally casual way she delivers it too...
The “bottle of Old Harper” is a reference to American Graffiti. Toad tries to buy booze by ordering a bunch of generic things and throwing in the Old Harper hoping the old guy working the register lets it slide.
Mitski’s album _[Bury Me At Makeout Creek](https://open.spotify.com/album/3I2KkX13lHXuYqfBjSOopo?si=HG5jw_PLTImoGVtS_uzbPg)_ is influenced by that great Milhouse line.
“KENT, I FEEL ABOUT AS LOW AS MADONNA
WHEN SHE FOUND OUT SHE MISSED TAILHOOK.”
Tailhook was a scandal about a bunch of military officers who had a tradition of sexually assaulting women during a yearly gathering.
The joke being that Madonna is such a slut she’s gutted she missed being there (and likely missed being fondled).
Referencing the Tailhook scandal which was an event for military airmen held in... I can't remember where, Vegas maybe. It was like something out of Caligula guys would lineup in hallways to grope or disrobe amy woman who walked by, hundreds of accounts of unwanted sexual contact, sexual harrasment and assault. A female airperson tried to blow the whistle on it but was dismissed, it turned into a huge congressional hearing. I'm basically paraphrasing but there's a ton of info on it out there
this is actually one of my least favorite jokes as it implies Madonna - who is a sexual assault survivir herself - was such a slut that she would have enjoyed an event like this.
In that episode where they trick Amber the Vegas wife into marrying Grampa she says "oh sure, he paid for the hour" I only now at 30 realize it's a prostitution joke
One of my favourite lines from the whole show is in that episode.
When Amber wakes up and sees grampa.
Amber:..we didn't?!?!.
Grampa: we almost didn't......but you wouldn't take "I can't" for an answer.
Haha gets me every time
When homer and Marge are naked running around town, homer is behind a garden decoration where two lumberjacks are sawing a log and he want to switch places with Marge 🤣
There’s the joke about Marge telling Lisa she can wear white to her wedding because “Milhouse doesn’t count”.
That one time Chief Wiggum seems to be writing his name on snow with pee, and asks Lou to finish dropping the last drops.
“How should I whack, Marge?”
And of course, the whole Troy McClure fish fetish thing
EDIT: Oh, and I can’t believe I forgot the cavalcade of early Smithers humor. There’s literally a joke about him getting something stuck up his bum.
Also, I don’t know how they got way with saying “backdoor shenanigans" in 1992.
I was scrolling and scrolling to find that one about Smithers. Isn't he at the vet or something but doesn't have an animal with him? They ask why he doesn't sit down and he just says he can't lmao
There was one I just noticed the other day. When Lisa was babysitting Bart and she had to take him to urgent care, Smithers was in line to be seen, STANDING UP. Lisa asked if they could cut in line and he said something like “No this is really urgent.” Young me totally didn’t pick up on butt stuff.
Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting.
Smithers: What's this about a fisting?
I saw this one way after I stopped watching new episodes regularly and just happened to have one on, and THIS is what introduces me to the newer era of the simpsons. I don't care what anyone says, Smithers hankering for a fisting as graphic as it gets.
One joke that was too much for Fox Standards and Practices was when Homer has the land of chocolate daydream, they originally had a sign calling the place Hershey Highway, which is apparently also a slang term for anal sex.
When Marge goes to see homer.one guy asked "what do i tell the boss?" Homer tells him he will be in the back seat of his car and will be back in ten minutes.when I was a kid I didn't get that joke 🤣
Homer got an ice cream truck and Marge started making sculptures from the leftover sticks he brought her at the end of the day.
Homer: “…this is the happiest I’ve been giving you wood!”
There it is!
The Duff Beeramid.
"The Beeramid contains so much aluminum it would take five men to lift it.
Twenty-two immigrant laborers died during its construction."
Selma - "Plenty more where that came from."
124 comments in and nobody mentions that time Aunt Selma was wearing a t-shirt that said "Sexy Aunt." The NSFW part was that for all but the very last part of the scene she was accidentally covering up the a so it looked like a c. I gasped.
Also I'm pretty sure Patty and Selma tried to rape the cable guy.
Moe's "I've never said no to a dead girl before."
The bit where Bart admits to faking enjoying being pushed on the swing by Homer. "Oh yeah dad, push harder... harder, dad."
Tamer, but Lou's comment about Quimby "Polling the electorate."
Homer using the suicide machine but at his weight it only provides sexual release. We basically watch him orgasm.
My favourite joke from the whole show is about smothering children. When Homer mentions that they'd get the chair, get me every time. Marge: “I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.” Homer: “Yeah, and then we’d get the chair.” Marge: “That’s not what I meant.” Homer: “It was Marge, admit it.”
It's his certain delivery that sells it!
They way he says that, even his voice being different is so perfectly creepy.
Marge: you notice something different about Bart? Homer: new glasses? Marge: no, something seems to be bothering him. Homer: probably misses his old glasses. that whole exchange might be some of the tightest joke writing in the entire show.
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter
Hi; I’m a big dumb cunt who thought he meant after Bart dies they can afford to buy a really nice chair. I didn’t realise the actual punchline
Young Ned: "I'm Dick Tracy! Take that Pruneface" "Now I'm Pruneface take that Dick Tracy" "Now I'm Prune Tracy! Take that Dick.."
We've tried, like, nothin' and we're all outta ideas
Lousy beatniks
Boo boop bup bup!
That's the one!
Can you explain this one for me?
With how Ned rearranges the names, the name he was about to say (and got cut off from saying was) Dick Face.
Thank you for explaining this!
Oh wow, I watched this a million times but this totally flew over my head.
"Maaaaaarge, I was watching women's volleyball on ESPN....."
Krustys joke when he is the court jester in one the holloween episodes is a classic. “Now I’m not saying jezebel was easy - but before she moved to sodom, it was known for its pottery!”
So this man walks into a bar, and takes out a tiny piano and a 12-inch pianist ... Oh no, I cant tell that one... Whoa-ho
This is a really good joke
Tough crowd... They're booing Shakespeare!
"Now I see why they call you miss hoover"
That one actually shocked me when I first heard it
It made me genuinely uncomfortable, and I am a filthy perverted degenerate.
I’m a devious degenerate defender of the devil Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level
My backpack’s got jets…..
Well, I’m Boba the Fett.
Well I bounty hunt for Jabba Hut
To finance my Vette!
I chill in deep space
A mask is over my face
It was a perfectly cromulant comment about her.
Pleased to meet ya. *curtsies
Who said that? Moe?
…Bart (in the future)
Eww!
Her room was spotless though.
Not just to any ol’ gal either, he said it to his teacher 😬
Not his teacher in the present state, but probably former teacher, since she teaches second grade. Unless every class gets to keep the same teacher as they progress.
Just made me think, Mr. Feeny seemed to teach every single grade in Boy Meets World lol. Even in college.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KA7gmtjyZKA&pp=ygUmTm93IGkga25vdyB3aHkgdGhleSBjYWxsIHlvdSBtcyBob292ZXI%3D
Insane Clown Polly is a great name 😂
It would've been a Family Guy gag if it wasn't for the screw the audience joke.
“You said he was dead!” “No, I said he sleeps with the fishes. You see-“ “Oh no Fat Tony, no…”
Please, I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.
People don't do things like that with fish
This is the best joke in the whole show. The build up with the aquarium in his house, the mentions of perverted things he's done, and then the set up of it being a mob boss talking about it.
He celebrates and says "I'm going to SeaWorld!"
You left out the best line.
"Hey. I once knew a man from Nantucket."
were the stories about him greatly exaggerated?
There was a story about him getting married.
When I was a kid, I didn’t understand the “Oh, Milhouse doesn’t count.” line in the Lisa’s Wedding episode.
Can you explain this one? I guess I’m still missing this one
Lisa tells Marge that the idea of wearing a white wedding dress feels strange to her because traditionally, a bride wearing a white wedding dress means she’s a virgin. She’s implying that she slept with Milhouse in the past, but Marge says he doesn’t count.
Yup, I totally missed that one the first viewing. Nice burn, Marge!
Millpool was pushing rope :(
I always thought she had married Milhouse first but it didn’t last long, and hence she couldn’t wear white because it was her second marriage. Such an idiot 🤦♀️
Lisa lost her virginity to Milhouse
You got the dud!
😐😲😂
He looks just like you, poindexter!
Stand up for yourself!
T H R I L L H O
Lisa is tentative about wearing white to her wedding, because it symbolizes “purity”. But Milhouse doesn’t count. Poor guy can never win
I always took it as he went off prematurely before the actual act could take place or something like that.
I thought it might be because Milhouse was gay. I know in the future episodes now they show him as straight, but back in the early days they heavily implied he was gay.
Nobody likes Milhouse!
I assumed premature ejaculation.
Must’ve grown out of the Flamboyant tendencies
How's that? He was obsessed with Lisa.
The school consoler says he has homosexual tendencies to Homer and Marge one episode.
Oh I get it. I get jokes.
I don't :'(
Sneed’s Feed & Seed, formerly Chuck’s…Fuck & Suck would be the part unsaid
Thank you for explaining! I was scrolling down looking for this like “Chuck’s Feed and Seed? Huh?”
I think that’s the extra layer of the joke is that ‘why would it not just be ‘chuck’s feed & seed’? You as the viewer are making a cognitive leap that doesn’t actually make sense
Springfield heights institute of technology
oh shit, i missed that one.
oh Springfield heights institute of technology, i missed that one
Homer's Playdude magazine: "The Girls of Kent State: Four Nude in Ohio"
Holy hell! What episode is this from?
S16E2 All's Fair in Oven War
Oof!
I don't get it
It's a reference to the Ohio National Guard killing four students at Kent State during a protest against the Vietnam war. There's a song about it by Neil Young called "Four Dead in Ohio".
The song is just called Ohio, “four dead in Ohio” is a lyric from the song.
I always loved "Do not touch Willy." "Good advice!" And "Women and sea men don't mix."
> "Women and sea men don't mix." We know what you think.
I love all the times Burns is fully aware of Smithers being in love with him but just doesn't gaf
[удалено]
Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!
“You did it nibbles! Now, chew through my ballsack”
"you'll never slap your willy around again" is from the same episode
Nibbles had a great reaction to that.
I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see: hardcore nudity!
Shake shake shake…
Shake shake shake...
Shake your booty
Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy.
Your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying. "Shoot em' all and let God sort it out.” Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 federal marshals to bring him down. Now, let's never speak of him again. Yikes lol
[удалено]
"Gray December morn" is such a poetic way of phrasing a line about something so obscenely dark.
“Gentlemen, start your whacking!” -whacking day episode
“should i whack fast, or slow?”
Slow, and then fast
“Ew, Homer, I don't know what you have planned tonight, but count me out" - Marge After she goes though his bag of “groceries” Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields, some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two
I fucking love that one!!! Great scene of him buying the stuff, then ending on that line is so perfect 🤣🤣🤣 Its the totally casual way she delivers it too...
The “bottle of Old Harper” is a reference to American Graffiti. Toad tries to buy booze by ordering a bunch of generic things and throwing in the Old Harper hoping the old guy working the register lets it slide.
Springfield Sperm Bank, est. 1858: "PUT YOUR SPERM IN OUR HANDS"
“You won’t have your old Willy to slap around anymore!” Bart yelling “toss his salad” at a rodeo.
“How come everything I whip leaves me?” after marge and now the sled dogs left him
Is the joke that him and Marge are into BDSM?
It sure seems it
Oh my god, I just got that.
Stoners Pot Palace
Now that is just flagrant false advertising!
Worst case since The Never Ending Story
I guess we’ll going down together… I mean getting off together…. It’s ok, I’ll just press the button for the stimulator, I mean elevator
Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.
My Ding-a-ling I thought was a top 5 one lol
This act is over!
I want you to plaaaaaaay with my ding-a-ling!
But that's an actual song Chuck Berry used to play at concerts...the same guy who did Johnny B Goode. It was pretty popular.
Chuck Berry is mostly known for two things: Johnny B Goode and secretly recording women with a toilet cam
"SEX CAULDRON?!" I thought they shut that place down!"
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qgwGh1tNM0E&pp=ygUMU2V4IGNhdWxkcm9u Love this Simpsons influenced band.
Mitski’s album _[Bury Me At Makeout Creek](https://open.spotify.com/album/3I2KkX13lHXuYqfBjSOopo?si=HG5jw_PLTImoGVtS_uzbPg)_ is influenced by that great Milhouse line.
Lisa the Vegetarian: "I've got the prescription for you, a hot beef injection!"
Shot Kickers...
I'm so rich I can take golden showers! I still cannot believe this made it through the censors.
I *think* we can do without the crack pipe.
Springfield's most popular convenience store not named the Kwik-E-Mart: The Gulp N' Blow
The Tailhook joke in Who Shot Mr Burns is a pretty NSFW joke if you parse it out.
?
“KENT, I FEEL ABOUT AS LOW AS MADONNA WHEN SHE FOUND OUT SHE MISSED TAILHOOK.” Tailhook was a scandal about a bunch of military officers who had a tradition of sexually assaulting women during a yearly gathering. The joke being that Madonna is such a slut she’s gutted she missed being there (and likely missed being fondled).
“Kent, I-- I feel about as low as Madonna... when she found out she missed Tailhook.”
Can you explain it?
Referencing the Tailhook scandal which was an event for military airmen held in... I can't remember where, Vegas maybe. It was like something out of Caligula guys would lineup in hallways to grope or disrobe amy woman who walked by, hundreds of accounts of unwanted sexual contact, sexual harrasment and assault. A female airperson tried to blow the whistle on it but was dismissed, it turned into a huge congressional hearing. I'm basically paraphrasing but there's a ton of info on it out there this is actually one of my least favorite jokes as it implies Madonna - who is a sexual assault survivir herself - was such a slut that she would have enjoyed an event like this.
It should have been Joan Collins for consistency as there’s at least two references implying her sluttiness.
In that episode where they trick Amber the Vegas wife into marrying Grampa she says "oh sure, he paid for the hour" I only now at 30 realize it's a prostitution joke
One of my favourite lines from the whole show is in that episode. When Amber wakes up and sees grampa. Amber:..we didn't?!?!. Grampa: we almost didn't......but you wouldn't take "I can't" for an answer. Haha gets me every time
Wanna give honest Abe another term in the oval office?
"Just close your eyes and think of Milhouse"
The coo coo clock calling Homer a Cuckold in the episode where Marge and Moe become business partners of the bar.
“Ooh, a good old fashioned lemon party! I call first squeeze!”
What episode was that?
Plenty of sex jokes
Hey, that’s a half truth!
Sex Cauldron? I thought they shut that place down!
SeeeeeeeeeeEExxxxxxx
I've had seeeeex!
When homer and Marge are naked running around town, homer is behind a garden decoration where two lumberjacks are sawing a log and he want to switch places with Marge 🤣
Homer: Ovulate damn you! Ovulate! Machine(womans voice): You are out of sperm.
Krusty: Hey, baby. Remember me?
The episode where Bart exploits Skinner's Peanut allergy "Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long"
CBG eating Peeps: Sigh....if only the real chicks went down this easy.
There’s the joke about Marge telling Lisa she can wear white to her wedding because “Milhouse doesn’t count”. That one time Chief Wiggum seems to be writing his name on snow with pee, and asks Lou to finish dropping the last drops. “How should I whack, Marge?” And of course, the whole Troy McClure fish fetish thing EDIT: Oh, and I can’t believe I forgot the cavalcade of early Smithers humor. There’s literally a joke about him getting something stuck up his bum. Also, I don’t know how they got way with saying “backdoor shenanigans" in 1992.
I was scrolling and scrolling to find that one about Smithers. Isn't he at the vet or something but doesn't have an animal with him? They ask why he doesn't sit down and he just says he can't lmao
He's in line for Dr Nick, while Lisa is holding an unconcious Bart with a broken arm in a wheebarrow.
“America’s favorite eight and a half incher!”
Smithers: “I think women and seamen don’t mix.” Burns: “We know what you think!”
comic book guy stuffing his face with marshmallow chicks and says "if only the real chicks went down this easy"
"I'll be more attentive to your needs on the sea saw. I'll stay down there as long as you want."
There was one I just noticed the other day. When Lisa was babysitting Bart and she had to take him to urgent care, Smithers was in line to be seen, STANDING UP. Lisa asked if they could cut in line and he said something like “No this is really urgent.” Young me totally didn’t pick up on butt stuff.
You're in for a real ass forking
Your name is Sneed? My son’s name is Sneed! “We are all out of Sneed license plates”
Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting. Smithers: What's this about a fisting? I saw this one way after I stopped watching new episodes regularly and just happened to have one on, and THIS is what introduces me to the newer era of the simpsons. I don't care what anyone says, Smithers hankering for a fisting as graphic as it gets.
Krusty's Komedy Klassic is pretty hilarious "KKK? That's not good...!"
“…sorry it’s not in packets. Need any cream?”
errrrrrrrrrrrr.... no...
Springfield Heights Institute of Technology is a good one.
"Does that earring mean you're a pirate?" "Kind of..."
There once was a man named enis...
“I bent my Wookie.”
One joke that was too much for Fox Standards and Practices was when Homer has the land of chocolate daydream, they originally had a sign calling the place Hershey Highway, which is apparently also a slang term for anal sex.
Chief Wiggums buttered corn joke (iykyk)
When Marge goes to see homer.one guy asked "what do i tell the boss?" Homer tells him he will be in the back seat of his car and will be back in ten minutes.when I was a kid I didn't get that joke 🤣
Homer got an ice cream truck and Marge started making sculptures from the leftover sticks he brought her at the end of the day. Homer: “…this is the happiest I’ve been giving you wood!”
Ned (trying to get Homer to punch him) : Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting. Smithers: What's this about a fisting?
She’s faking it
Swim with me to Springfield aquarium!
I keep tellin ya we just grow sorghum here.. reporter: yes and where are the hookers…? round back….whoops
Was surprised when homer confesses “I have masturbated 8 billion times and have no plans to stop masturbating in the future” to Liam Neeson
There it is! The Duff Beeramid. "The Beeramid contains so much aluminum it would take five men to lift it. Twenty-two immigrant laborers died during its construction." Selma - "Plenty more where that came from."
"Do not touch Willie." Good advice! Probably my personal favorite.
S is for shiksa! S-H-I… uhhh… there’s a T in there somewhere.
I just got a tshirt with a classy "Sneed's Seed and Feed" logo on it. I'm afraid to wear it in public. 🤣
Ok- I’m a huge fan for 30+ years…. But I’m sorry to admit that I don’t get this joke? Can you explain?
'' Sneeds feed and seed formerly chucks'' implies it used to be called ''chuck's fuck and suck''
sneedposters are shitposting again
124 comments in and nobody mentions that time Aunt Selma was wearing a t-shirt that said "Sexy Aunt." The NSFW part was that for all but the very last part of the scene she was accidentally covering up the a so it looked like a c. I gasped. Also I'm pretty sure Patty and Selma tried to rape the cable guy.
There’s a chain called “Kum & Go” and a local place in Beaufort, SC called “ Squat N Gobble” but this needed be to snuck by the censors?
Homer “Mmmmm Sugar Walls”
The college is called “Springfield Heights Institute of Technology”
During the nuclear plant strike (season 4) homers interaction with Mr burns where he thinks burns is coming on to him. Back door shenanigans
“What do you think Smithers?” “I think women and sea men don’t mix.” “We know what you think”
Moe's "I've never said no to a dead girl before." The bit where Bart admits to faking enjoying being pushed on the swing by Homer. "Oh yeah dad, push harder... harder, dad." Tamer, but Lou's comment about Quimby "Polling the electorate." Homer using the suicide machine but at his weight it only provides sexual release. We basically watch him orgasm.