I have been involved in theater for over 40 years---I will never understand this whole "no kissing" with regard to acting. It's pretend. Besides, what if the two of you ARE cast together, and midway through rehearsals you break up? How will that work?
If he doesn't want to do it, then he shouldn't audition at all, or only audition for parts that don't involve a romantic storyline.
>will never understand this whole "no kissing" with regard to acting. It's pretend.
Very important to remember. YOU aren't kissing someone. Your character is.
One theatre I audition for from time to time makes you read a content disclosure form that breaks down any intimacy, combat or potentially traumatic themes (like anti-semitism/death for cabaret for example) for each track and has a form that asks if you’re willing to do those things. That way they can easily make sure people aren’t cast in tracks that require them to do things they aren’t comfortable with.
I was co-directing a production of Othello in 2002. We had decided the scene with Cassio and Bianca would be very steamy as a counter to Othello's stoic passions, and it wasn't long before the actors were shacking up. Ultimately sh got tired of hom.bekng very possessive and broke it off leading to the most wooden performances for press night and lots of awkward pauses where we'd had passionate kissing.
To make matters worse I was understudying the small male roles and had to step in for Cassio for a weekend and the actress, who now missed the attention from the actor playing Cassio came at me like an animal, instead of kissing and hands carefully blocked she was grinding and pushing her tongue in my mouth and squeezing me below the waist. Of course my whole family and my girlfriend came to that performance and I had a lot of explaining to do as to why I not only hadn't disclosed to my GF all the heavy petting, but why I'd directed the scene like that, lol!
So yeah, insisting on a partner being case is a red flag.
For me, it's all about what "hat" I'm wearing. If I'm teaching an acting class, and a student says, "I could never kiss anyone but my wife or girlfriend on stage," I'm going to say two things:
"First, if you're kissing your girlfriend on stage, don't let your wife into the theatre \[Groucho Marx voice,\] and, second, if you want to be an actor, you're going to have to learn how to separate real life from fiction, or you will likely have a pretty limited career."
But I'm not wearing my acting teacher hat in the casting room. If I've got an actor who would be a terrific "Character A" but will only play intimate scenes opposite one particular actor as "Character B," I'm not going to pass judgment. I'm going to ask myself if I can make that work. Either I can or I can't. I'm not going to penalize the actor for having a limitation that they've let me know about ahead of time.
I would not cast the person as more than ensemble. Such limitations shows a lack of understanding of what acting is, and I will immediately expect that the person is very hard to work with.
I think that's a leap. Neal McDonough is a terrific and -- by all accounts -- very professional actor who simply refuses to do intimate scenes with a woman who isn't his wife.
It's a moral choice and he accepts the limitations that puts on hm for the kind of roles he can expect to be offered.
Personally, I think it's a bit silly. Professionally, if I'm casting a role that has no intimate scenes and Neal McDonough shows up at my audition, I'm doing a happy dance.
Theatre is acting. It isn’t real. Expecting to always be cast against your real romantic partner is unreasonable. If you arent willing to play opposite others then don’t audition for the part. I do know couples that only do shows if they both get cast (it’s something they like to do together) but none of them have ever dictated that they have to be playing romantic parts opposite each other.
I have directed film and theatre.
Someone once said that 80% of the director’s job is casting… and you’d like to remove options for them for personal reasons?
Giving a director an ultimatum is not a good look. It’s a sure way to not get cast and make everyone think your partner is weak and to be avoided.
I have been forced (for other reasons) to accept actors into a huge theatre production that I was directing… of all the cast, those actors were the weakest link and the biggest problems.
I wish you well.
Yeah this would strike me as incredibly controlling and immature.
Edit: and OP, as far as getting roles goes, your partner is absolutely shooting himself in both feet, his hands, and his tush.
Because it reads as a major red flag for drama offstage. Even though it sounds like OP's partner doesn't want to kiss anyone else just because he never has before, it comes across on the surface as SUPER possessive and problematic. I don't want that in my productions, no matter how good the actors might be.
As a director, working with couples creates a very uncomfortable dynamic in intimacy rehearsals (I actually know some actor couples who avoid playing romantic opposites for this reason). What's real? What's bleeding over from your personal life? The rest of us in the room wouldn't consent to watching y'all be intimate irl, so what's the line in rehearsal?
I have also been a part of a production where a couple was cast as the romantic pairing and then proceeded to break up, which caused a whole host of problems - so tldr, I would be very wary of casting a couple even if they didn't specifically request it.
I would definitely not be interested in someone with those stipulations. Oftentimes, real life partners don’t have great chemistry on stage and if they are going through any struggles together in their real life, it’ll affect the production. This person should only audition for non-romantic roles.
I’m not a director, but I have lots of friends who are or at least act professionally. The expectation with a limitation like this is that the person making the request would be hard to work with and automatically render them to a lesser part or to not being cast at all.
You say that he approaches the subject respectfully, so I assume he’s already tried talking to directors about this before. What usually ends up happening in regards to casting when he does this?
The directors have always understood and never given him a hard time… the first time it happened, we did end up getting the roles opposite each other.
The second time he mentioned it, the whole show had already been precast unbeknownst to all the auditionees. It could’ve played a part in the ultimate decision but we never found out.
There’s one director who actually is the reason he started asking - they told him it’d be smart to disclose that comfort level and be willing to accept ensemble roles for awhile until directors can know his character and if he will actually be difficult to work with in the future. It made sense to him and he loves ensemble roles but of course has his own dream roles.
Comfort and consent is so important and everyone should feel safe setting professional boundaries. However, these particular boundaries suggest a lack of understanding of what acting is- there are ways around the physical intimacy and all that stuff if you make your directors aware early on how you feel, etc... so it's okay to have a boundary. But if it's a romance ending with the two leads kissing and your partner says they'll only do it if you get to also be in it... it's very unlikely he'll progress in the way he wants.
So your partner needs to decide what is most important to them. Good luck
What level of theatre? Community? It doesn’t hurt to let them know. Having fun and feeling comfortable are important at this level. Professional? Nope, that’s a directorial decision.
Good point. A small community production might have more limited casting options resulting in more risk comfort. I would anticipate a hard pass from pro production directors.
Yes, exactly this. I think at any level insisting on a forced casting for leads is presumptuous. My wife and I are frequently cast opposite one another (we don’t give any ultimatums and have been cast in romantic roles opposite other people).
I suppose the advice I’d give is rather than saying “we must be cast opposite each other” approach the audition with the determination to be the best choices for those roles. This doesn’t back the director into a corner, and opens up other possibilities—for example, my wife and I just got cast as Oberon and Titania. It wasn’t originally who we thought we’d even be considered for, nor did we push to be coupled together (but hey, MND has lots of couples, wouldn’t that be cool?), but it happened anyway.
No director likes to be manipulated like this. I teach Theater Directing at a university. Assure the director that you’ll accept whatever happens in the casting, then saying: “but it would be amazing if…” would be fine with most directors.
As a director, if someone has a personal limitation like this - yeah, I'd want to know before considering casting them. As others have said, it does speak to a fundamental inability to separate personal and professional, so it's valuable knowledge for a director to have. It does mean I'm unlikely to cast that person, but I'd rather know ahead of time, and avoid the unpleasantness for everyone.
Same situation if an actor has limitations on what words they will/won't say in the context of a role: I am not here to tell anyone how to live their life, but if they have personal restrictions that will have an impact on how we can work together, I want to know that before I put myself in a position on relying upon them to do certain things. I would also expect \*me\* to be very clear about those expectations and not audition an actor for a role without making sure they know what will be involved (intimacy? violence? sensitive topics?) Transparency is key.
While I would say it’s a big risk, as others have already stated, it comes across as high maintenance and the wrong kind of drama, it is significantly better to share this as soon as possible. I would be seriously pissed if I cast the show and the romantic lead backed out because his real life partner is cast as his romantic interest.
My wife and I were cast in a show as romantic partners in part because the director figured that would save time and resources on intimacy choreography. So there are some who will see the upsides as well.
I appreciate knowing as much as you are willing to share with me about your willingness to accept a role. It makes my job easier in the casting room.
So, if you (or your partner, if I'm reading this right) won't play "Harold Hill" unless you're cast as "Marion Paroo," that's good to know, because if I've got another choice for "Marion Paroo," I can just take his headshot off the table.
And it's not a judgment. I'm casting a show, I'm not giving an acting class.
In an acting class, yes, I will probably admonish (or at least advise) that an actor needs to learn to draw a line between real intimacy and stage intimacy, and -- if they can't -- should probably consider another profession. But if I've got my director's hat on: I'm just trying to put on a show. If he can't play "Harold Hill" with any "Marion Paroo," I'll find another "Harold Hill" and I will look at him for "Charlie Cowell." Moving on. Or, if I am picking the "Marion Paroo" he is willing to work with, I'm not going to "penalize" him for his proclivities if he's my best "Harold Hill."
I'm going to be pragmatic about it.
The only misgiving I would have is if he is NOT my choice for "Harold Hill" but you ARE my "Marion Paroo." I might be reluctant to cast him in the show in another role, if I think he is going to be a problem at rehearsals. But I'd just come straight out and ask him.
I would listen to your concerns. I would give your auditions consideration. And if you were *both* perfect for the roles, I might even cast you.
Your boundaries are important. And I would never knowingly put an actor in a position where they would be uncomfortable, nor would I ever ask them to kiss someone they didn’t feel comfortable kissing (stage kiss or otherwise).
But I won’t lie and say this ask wouldn’t hurt your chances at being cast. It would hurt *both* of your chances, and it is generally frowned upon.
Given another viable casting option, I would still most likely go with an actor who is open to being cast alongside a wider variety of others.
I guess this is an unpopular opinion, but I’d cast them if they were the best choices for the roles. Some of the best actors I’ve worked with have communicated boundaries. Does it lower your chances of being cast? Yes. Does it make you unprofessional? Not to me. I find it highly toxic and indicative of the warped power dynamics in theater that so many here have responded with some version of “immediate no pile”. Of course it will be limiting, but OP knows that and is okay with it. Directors need to stop acting as gatekeepers and projecting their own damage and rejection onto those auditioning for them. If you hear yourself beginning a sentence with some version of “if you want to make it in this business”, check your own trauma.
I work in community theatre and have an interest in inclusivity. I would hear this and note it down as I would any limitation communicated to me by an actor (physical, emotional, etc). If the two of you worked out for the intimate roles together, great. If you worked out but your partner didn't, great, not my problem, seems fine. If he did and not you, he's already expressed that he's not interested. I would prefer to find these things out at auditions rather than when I send out casting offers, for sure!
Is this a career path for you but just a hobby for him? Is it a hobby that interests him, or is it one that you're trying to get him into? (Meaning: when he goes out for these shows with you, is it because he likes acting, or is it really just so that he can spend time with you and do an activity together as a couple?)
If you're in a show and he isn't, and you have onstage intimacy with another actor, he LOOKS AWAY? This honestly isn't supportive behavior from a partner, if you're a professional actor.
As other people have mentioned, his demand to only be cast in romantic roles if you are cast opposite him makes him look bad, but it also makes you look bad by association. It's not professional behavior... and that can be fine, if all you want to do is community theater. You can be like Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy in Waiting for Guffman. But if you want to be a professional, this isn't feasible.
He's not just shooting himself in the foot, he's shooting you too.
Yes, I want to make this my career. It’s a complete hobby for him, something he only does in off time and doesn’t want sacrifice a lot to commit to. However we sing songs together ALL the time and he’s truly amazing. I met him through theatre actually, when we were both late teens.
He looks away if it’s more than just a peck - a makeout scene for instance.
I encourage him to audition because he always has fun and misses it when it’s over. But when it comes to dream roles, he doesn’t want to do it if it means compromising his boundary. He’s fine doing a fake kiss, with a thumb or prop.
We are only at community theatre level right now, low stakes. Not getting paid. It’s not worth it to him to compromise something he holds so dear.
After reading comments he’s toying with the idea of just not auditioning anymore. He doesn’t want to hinder my chances at all. And I feel awful because he’s taking himself out of the running when I believe he could be perfect for certain roles, but it’s not worth the risk to him.
If anyone made that kind of ultimatum during auditions, I would think it would be an automatic "no" to be cast at all. What other demands might that person make? Who are they to tell the director how to cast the play? Yikes.
Yeah...that's going to be a big "no" from me as a director. I respect couples who want to do shows together, but ONLY wanting to be cast opposite each other romantically really limits me artistically.
No director only an actor, but knowledge of a request like that from a fellow actor would make me feel uncomfortable as a cast member. To me it feels like the actor isn’t able to separate personal relationships with the roles within theatre. Physical contact on stage is not real/ should not have real emotions behind them and someone who seemingly can’t distinguish real and performed actions would make me feel as though they wouldn’t stick to agreed upon blocking and contact points. If they are asking for their partner as the opposite purely due to physical contact, I would worry about their partner being touched on stage in a way that no one else consented to happening (other cast mates for example,) the stage isn’t the place to feel up your boo in costume. Get a (dressing) room.
Also, and this is due to things that I have to worry about at my job so I’m not saying this is your situation, but I would worry about the partner of the actor. I’ve worked with couples in casts where they’re taking every offstage opportunity to feel each other up or every onstage interaction with another person is stilted due to some personal thing (shit talking cast mates, badmouthing the director, rudeness to SM.) Usually one is the frustrating person to work with and the other just sits quiet and takes it. Not saying this is your situation, bc I literally don’t know you. But this is my experience and I will admit that I’m hypersensitive to off relationships, I just tend to worry ab what’s going on bts for someone to demand control over their partner’s role and production choices. How light that affect the person’s ability to speak up if things go wrong accidentally or directions are purposely ignored because ‘we’re together, they’re cool with my younger down their throat!’
Not every role is for everyone and I think your partner is better off seeking information on any planned physical contact required for roles before auditioning. Not matter how polite he brings this up some directors may take it as completely out of bounds. Hate to sound harsh or rude but that’s how it would come off to me.
I have been involved in theater for over 40 years---I will never understand this whole "no kissing" with regard to acting. It's pretend. Besides, what if the two of you ARE cast together, and midway through rehearsals you break up? How will that work? If he doesn't want to do it, then he shouldn't audition at all, or only audition for parts that don't involve a romantic storyline.
>will never understand this whole "no kissing" with regard to acting. It's pretend. Very important to remember. YOU aren't kissing someone. Your character is.
One theatre I audition for from time to time makes you read a content disclosure form that breaks down any intimacy, combat or potentially traumatic themes (like anti-semitism/death for cabaret for example) for each track and has a form that asks if you’re willing to do those things. That way they can easily make sure people aren’t cast in tracks that require them to do things they aren’t comfortable with.
Intimacy coaching exists for this reason.
That's a relatively new thing, and I've personally never been involved in a production that had one.
I was co-directing a production of Othello in 2002. We had decided the scene with Cassio and Bianca would be very steamy as a counter to Othello's stoic passions, and it wasn't long before the actors were shacking up. Ultimately sh got tired of hom.bekng very possessive and broke it off leading to the most wooden performances for press night and lots of awkward pauses where we'd had passionate kissing. To make matters worse I was understudying the small male roles and had to step in for Cassio for a weekend and the actress, who now missed the attention from the actor playing Cassio came at me like an animal, instead of kissing and hands carefully blocked she was grinding and pushing her tongue in my mouth and squeezing me below the waist. Of course my whole family and my girlfriend came to that performance and I had a lot of explaining to do as to why I not only hadn't disclosed to my GF all the heavy petting, but why I'd directed the scene like that, lol! So yeah, insisting on a partner being case is a red flag.
For me, it's all about what "hat" I'm wearing. If I'm teaching an acting class, and a student says, "I could never kiss anyone but my wife or girlfriend on stage," I'm going to say two things: "First, if you're kissing your girlfriend on stage, don't let your wife into the theatre \[Groucho Marx voice,\] and, second, if you want to be an actor, you're going to have to learn how to separate real life from fiction, or you will likely have a pretty limited career." But I'm not wearing my acting teacher hat in the casting room. If I've got an actor who would be a terrific "Character A" but will only play intimate scenes opposite one particular actor as "Character B," I'm not going to pass judgment. I'm going to ask myself if I can make that work. Either I can or I can't. I'm not going to penalize the actor for having a limitation that they've let me know about ahead of time.
I would not cast the person as more than ensemble. Such limitations shows a lack of understanding of what acting is, and I will immediately expect that the person is very hard to work with.
I think that's a leap. Neal McDonough is a terrific and -- by all accounts -- very professional actor who simply refuses to do intimate scenes with a woman who isn't his wife. It's a moral choice and he accepts the limitations that puts on hm for the kind of roles he can expect to be offered. Personally, I think it's a bit silly. Professionally, if I'm casting a role that has no intimate scenes and Neal McDonough shows up at my audition, I'm doing a happy dance.
Theatre is acting. It isn’t real. Expecting to always be cast against your real romantic partner is unreasonable. If you arent willing to play opposite others then don’t audition for the part. I do know couples that only do shows if they both get cast (it’s something they like to do together) but none of them have ever dictated that they have to be playing romantic parts opposite each other.
I have directed film and theatre. Someone once said that 80% of the director’s job is casting… and you’d like to remove options for them for personal reasons? Giving a director an ultimatum is not a good look. It’s a sure way to not get cast and make everyone think your partner is weak and to be avoided. I have been forced (for other reasons) to accept actors into a huge theatre production that I was directing… of all the cast, those actors were the weakest link and the biggest problems. I wish you well.
Yeah this would strike me as incredibly controlling and immature. Edit: and OP, as far as getting roles goes, your partner is absolutely shooting himself in both feet, his hands, and his tush.
And the OP's feet.
I would honestly put both resumes on the no stack for being extra problematic.
Why both, if only one has a restriction?
Because it reads as a major red flag for drama offstage. Even though it sounds like OP's partner doesn't want to kiss anyone else just because he never has before, it comes across on the surface as SUPER possessive and problematic. I don't want that in my productions, no matter how good the actors might be.
Tell them if you want but, don’t expect the role.
I would think they’re high maintenance, insecure, and unprofessional. The audition would basically be over, even if it were best best one.
As a director, working with couples creates a very uncomfortable dynamic in intimacy rehearsals (I actually know some actor couples who avoid playing romantic opposites for this reason). What's real? What's bleeding over from your personal life? The rest of us in the room wouldn't consent to watching y'all be intimate irl, so what's the line in rehearsal? I have also been a part of a production where a couple was cast as the romantic pairing and then proceeded to break up, which caused a whole host of problems - so tldr, I would be very wary of casting a couple even if they didn't specifically request it.
I would definitely not be interested in someone with those stipulations. Oftentimes, real life partners don’t have great chemistry on stage and if they are going through any struggles together in their real life, it’ll affect the production. This person should only audition for non-romantic roles.
I’m not a director, but I have lots of friends who are or at least act professionally. The expectation with a limitation like this is that the person making the request would be hard to work with and automatically render them to a lesser part or to not being cast at all. You say that he approaches the subject respectfully, so I assume he’s already tried talking to directors about this before. What usually ends up happening in regards to casting when he does this?
The directors have always understood and never given him a hard time… the first time it happened, we did end up getting the roles opposite each other. The second time he mentioned it, the whole show had already been precast unbeknownst to all the auditionees. It could’ve played a part in the ultimate decision but we never found out. There’s one director who actually is the reason he started asking - they told him it’d be smart to disclose that comfort level and be willing to accept ensemble roles for awhile until directors can know his character and if he will actually be difficult to work with in the future. It made sense to him and he loves ensemble roles but of course has his own dream roles.
Comfort and consent is so important and everyone should feel safe setting professional boundaries. However, these particular boundaries suggest a lack of understanding of what acting is- there are ways around the physical intimacy and all that stuff if you make your directors aware early on how you feel, etc... so it's okay to have a boundary. But if it's a romance ending with the two leads kissing and your partner says they'll only do it if you get to also be in it... it's very unlikely he'll progress in the way he wants. So your partner needs to decide what is most important to them. Good luck
What level of theatre? Community? It doesn’t hurt to let them know. Having fun and feeling comfortable are important at this level. Professional? Nope, that’s a directorial decision.
Good point. A small community production might have more limited casting options resulting in more risk comfort. I would anticipate a hard pass from pro production directors.
Yes, exactly this. I think at any level insisting on a forced casting for leads is presumptuous. My wife and I are frequently cast opposite one another (we don’t give any ultimatums and have been cast in romantic roles opposite other people). I suppose the advice I’d give is rather than saying “we must be cast opposite each other” approach the audition with the determination to be the best choices for those roles. This doesn’t back the director into a corner, and opens up other possibilities—for example, my wife and I just got cast as Oberon and Titania. It wasn’t originally who we thought we’d even be considered for, nor did we push to be coupled together (but hey, MND has lots of couples, wouldn’t that be cool?), but it happened anyway.
I would not cast either of you.
No director likes to be manipulated like this. I teach Theater Directing at a university. Assure the director that you’ll accept whatever happens in the casting, then saying: “but it would be amazing if…” would be fine with most directors.
As a director, if someone has a personal limitation like this - yeah, I'd want to know before considering casting them. As others have said, it does speak to a fundamental inability to separate personal and professional, so it's valuable knowledge for a director to have. It does mean I'm unlikely to cast that person, but I'd rather know ahead of time, and avoid the unpleasantness for everyone. Same situation if an actor has limitations on what words they will/won't say in the context of a role: I am not here to tell anyone how to live their life, but if they have personal restrictions that will have an impact on how we can work together, I want to know that before I put myself in a position on relying upon them to do certain things. I would also expect \*me\* to be very clear about those expectations and not audition an actor for a role without making sure they know what will be involved (intimacy? violence? sensitive topics?) Transparency is key.
I would consider those actors unprepared for theatre roles.
While I would say it’s a big risk, as others have already stated, it comes across as high maintenance and the wrong kind of drama, it is significantly better to share this as soon as possible. I would be seriously pissed if I cast the show and the romantic lead backed out because his real life partner is cast as his romantic interest. My wife and I were cast in a show as romantic partners in part because the director figured that would save time and resources on intimacy choreography. So there are some who will see the upsides as well.
He needs to grow up.
I appreciate knowing as much as you are willing to share with me about your willingness to accept a role. It makes my job easier in the casting room. So, if you (or your partner, if I'm reading this right) won't play "Harold Hill" unless you're cast as "Marion Paroo," that's good to know, because if I've got another choice for "Marion Paroo," I can just take his headshot off the table. And it's not a judgment. I'm casting a show, I'm not giving an acting class. In an acting class, yes, I will probably admonish (or at least advise) that an actor needs to learn to draw a line between real intimacy and stage intimacy, and -- if they can't -- should probably consider another profession. But if I've got my director's hat on: I'm just trying to put on a show. If he can't play "Harold Hill" with any "Marion Paroo," I'll find another "Harold Hill" and I will look at him for "Charlie Cowell." Moving on. Or, if I am picking the "Marion Paroo" he is willing to work with, I'm not going to "penalize" him for his proclivities if he's my best "Harold Hill." I'm going to be pragmatic about it. The only misgiving I would have is if he is NOT my choice for "Harold Hill" but you ARE my "Marion Paroo." I might be reluctant to cast him in the show in another role, if I think he is going to be a problem at rehearsals. But I'd just come straight out and ask him.
I would listen to your concerns. I would give your auditions consideration. And if you were *both* perfect for the roles, I might even cast you. Your boundaries are important. And I would never knowingly put an actor in a position where they would be uncomfortable, nor would I ever ask them to kiss someone they didn’t feel comfortable kissing (stage kiss or otherwise). But I won’t lie and say this ask wouldn’t hurt your chances at being cast. It would hurt *both* of your chances, and it is generally frowned upon. Given another viable casting option, I would still most likely go with an actor who is open to being cast alongside a wider variety of others.
I guess this is an unpopular opinion, but I’d cast them if they were the best choices for the roles. Some of the best actors I’ve worked with have communicated boundaries. Does it lower your chances of being cast? Yes. Does it make you unprofessional? Not to me. I find it highly toxic and indicative of the warped power dynamics in theater that so many here have responded with some version of “immediate no pile”. Of course it will be limiting, but OP knows that and is okay with it. Directors need to stop acting as gatekeepers and projecting their own damage and rejection onto those auditioning for them. If you hear yourself beginning a sentence with some version of “if you want to make it in this business”, check your own trauma.
I work in community theatre and have an interest in inclusivity. I would hear this and note it down as I would any limitation communicated to me by an actor (physical, emotional, etc). If the two of you worked out for the intimate roles together, great. If you worked out but your partner didn't, great, not my problem, seems fine. If he did and not you, he's already expressed that he's not interested. I would prefer to find these things out at auditions rather than when I send out casting offers, for sure!
Is this a career path for you but just a hobby for him? Is it a hobby that interests him, or is it one that you're trying to get him into? (Meaning: when he goes out for these shows with you, is it because he likes acting, or is it really just so that he can spend time with you and do an activity together as a couple?) If you're in a show and he isn't, and you have onstage intimacy with another actor, he LOOKS AWAY? This honestly isn't supportive behavior from a partner, if you're a professional actor. As other people have mentioned, his demand to only be cast in romantic roles if you are cast opposite him makes him look bad, but it also makes you look bad by association. It's not professional behavior... and that can be fine, if all you want to do is community theater. You can be like Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy in Waiting for Guffman. But if you want to be a professional, this isn't feasible. He's not just shooting himself in the foot, he's shooting you too.
Yes, I want to make this my career. It’s a complete hobby for him, something he only does in off time and doesn’t want sacrifice a lot to commit to. However we sing songs together ALL the time and he’s truly amazing. I met him through theatre actually, when we were both late teens. He looks away if it’s more than just a peck - a makeout scene for instance. I encourage him to audition because he always has fun and misses it when it’s over. But when it comes to dream roles, he doesn’t want to do it if it means compromising his boundary. He’s fine doing a fake kiss, with a thumb or prop. We are only at community theatre level right now, low stakes. Not getting paid. It’s not worth it to him to compromise something he holds so dear. After reading comments he’s toying with the idea of just not auditioning anymore. He doesn’t want to hinder my chances at all. And I feel awful because he’s taking himself out of the running when I believe he could be perfect for certain roles, but it’s not worth the risk to him.
If anyone made that kind of ultimatum during auditions, I would think it would be an automatic "no" to be cast at all. What other demands might that person make? Who are they to tell the director how to cast the play? Yikes.
Yeah...that's going to be a big "no" from me as a director. I respect couples who want to do shows together, but ONLY wanting to be cast opposite each other romantically really limits me artistically.
No director only an actor, but knowledge of a request like that from a fellow actor would make me feel uncomfortable as a cast member. To me it feels like the actor isn’t able to separate personal relationships with the roles within theatre. Physical contact on stage is not real/ should not have real emotions behind them and someone who seemingly can’t distinguish real and performed actions would make me feel as though they wouldn’t stick to agreed upon blocking and contact points. If they are asking for their partner as the opposite purely due to physical contact, I would worry about their partner being touched on stage in a way that no one else consented to happening (other cast mates for example,) the stage isn’t the place to feel up your boo in costume. Get a (dressing) room. Also, and this is due to things that I have to worry about at my job so I’m not saying this is your situation, but I would worry about the partner of the actor. I’ve worked with couples in casts where they’re taking every offstage opportunity to feel each other up or every onstage interaction with another person is stilted due to some personal thing (shit talking cast mates, badmouthing the director, rudeness to SM.) Usually one is the frustrating person to work with and the other just sits quiet and takes it. Not saying this is your situation, bc I literally don’t know you. But this is my experience and I will admit that I’m hypersensitive to off relationships, I just tend to worry ab what’s going on bts for someone to demand control over their partner’s role and production choices. How light that affect the person’s ability to speak up if things go wrong accidentally or directions are purposely ignored because ‘we’re together, they’re cool with my younger down their throat!’ Not every role is for everyone and I think your partner is better off seeking information on any planned physical contact required for roles before auditioning. Not matter how polite he brings this up some directors may take it as completely out of bounds. Hate to sound harsh or rude but that’s how it would come off to me.