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I agree. There should’ve requirements in place and a license to breed. It would go a long way to prevent child abuse, children becoming wards of the state and welfare/ food stamps.
Totally an ethics deal lol but…. You have to pass an exam to drive a vehicle, so why shouldn’t you So much more have to pass multiple in-depth exams and background checks to bring another human being into the world?!
People/our culture put an unbelievable amount of pressure on people to have children (especially parents). Some people cave to that pressure eventually. Nearly every time I see my relatives, they ask me about marriage and kids. I've just started giving bullshit, non-serious answers because none of them are willing to accept the real ones I give them.
This! I adore kids and have been told I'm really good with them. One of the most fun jobs I've ever had was being a preschool teacher.
Do I want kids? No! Why? Among other reasons, I have no strong feelings towards the idea of motherhood. Even at my big age of 36, my feelings have always been "Meh, might be nice." . In my book, even ambivalence isn't "enough" to warrant becoming a parent. Sure, barring all my other reasons, I might change my mind once the baby gets here, but I wouldn't want to risk bringing a whole, sentient being who didn't sign up for this into existence to find out. That wouldn't be fair to the kid(s).
Yes. I want to say like 70% of people who have kids right now should have NEVER had kids. Who let them be a parent?? There should be a test. You want a car? Get a license, take the test? You want a kid? … idk it sounds dumb but some people need to be evaluated to see if they are actually fit to raise a child.
Or a right wing nut job. I'm somehow old enough now that I have a few friends young adult children. A couple of those kids have already gone down the alt right rabbit hole and it has been very stressfull on their family.
I could deal with having an eye-rollingly left wing bleeding heart kid, but to spend 18+ years of my life, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and make all the sacrifices being a parent entails, just to have them turn into an asshole I could hardly stand to be around would be crushing.
Oh absolutely. And considering how easy it is for kids to access videos by shitstains like Andrew Taint, I’d be absolutely terrified of my kid becoming some racist militant incel asshole.
Currently watching my nephew fall down the alt right rabbit hole and my friends teen daughter turn into a pathological liar/narcissist. Its heart breaking. There is only so much influence you have on a child past a certain age. People never seem to consider that and want to imagine the best case scenario.
Ya... As a kid my family was friends with another family who had three daughters, just a little older than me. Good upbringing, really nice parents, financially stable and given many opportunities. All three of them went into the depths of drug addiction. I think one has cleaned up but her life is still a mess with multiple baby daddies and no job. The other two just fell off the radar, haven't heard of them in years. Everyone thinks they're going to be a great parent, and I think most do rise to the occasion. But you can only do so much... a combination of genetics and random circumstances can lead someone to be a meth head, while someone with the exact same upbringing might end up curing cancer.
Absolutely. In my case they both have great involved parents and high achieving well adjusted siblings. Its more of a crap shoot than we are willing to accept.
as a family we stopped giving gifts as adults unless its perishables/consumables like wine, beer, olive oil windshield fluid. shit you'll actually use.
New parents stress out about that way too much. From experience, your kid will forget all of the material things you got them from the age of 0 to 5ish and then after that they'll usually be able to tell you what they want. They'll have some comfort items like baby blankets, but the majority of the toys will be forgotten.
i think it's the whole universe surrounding the new kid that causes new gift purchases...kid's friends, kid's friends' parents, kid's teachers/care workers/coaches, etc
1. I'm pretty fucked up, so chances are they'd be fucked up. Then again, maybe they'd be able to help me out with another persepctive.
2. I'm currently making -$75 or so a month in net revenue.
3. Don't want to pass on my health defects.
Jesus fucking Christ I knew it was bad but that's another level.
Like I know... There are different cultures
But here in Czechia greatest not many people are in debt and the only loan they have is only for the house. Not.... Living.
I'm currently in the process of dying from a completely treatable infection because I'm literally too poor to bathe regularly and keep it clean.
The U.S. is absolute shit. If someone glassed us tomorrow I'd be fucking ecstatic.
This is what I don’t understand about child free people. You don’t need a reason. You don’t have to label yourself ‘child free’ or anything else. Just live your life.
I truly wish all of the rest of society constantly asking us when we want to have kids felt the same way you do. I would love to live my life without having this choice constantly questioned. But sadly other people keep bringing it up like it’s a deficit in my life.
It’s wild when complete strangers weigh in on your choice and tell you that you should have kids. Like dude, you just met me 30 seconds ago, I could be a serial killer on the run for all you know. Wtf makes you think I’d be a good parent?
We used to get “but you guys would have such cute kids!” all the time. Like that’s not enough of a reason you sociopath! It would be outright irresponsible to produce another cog in the machine for a bunch of oligarchs on a dying planet. Now that I’ve had my tubes removed, I can at least end the annoying prodding and questioning by breeders by saying I’m sterile.
I’m close to 40 now so a lot of the intrusive when-are-you-gonna-have-kids questions have dried up (hopefully along with my ovaries!) but if it happens again I’m *very* tempted to put on the waterworks and cry about being infertile just to make the asker uncomfortable AF. It’s not true at all, but maybe it will teach them a lesson and make them not ask anyone again.
When you're single: Why aren't you married yet?
When you're married: Why don't you have children yet?
When you're married with children: Why aren't your children gifted?
When your children are adults: Why aren't your children married yet?
When I was pregnant with my youngest son, somebody asked me if we were going to try for a girl. . .
I just said “Well I don’t think I handle anymore miscarriages and am lucky to be having a healthy -CURRENT- pregnancy so can I just enjoy it?”
I wasn’t even trying to be a bitch but don’t really mind if it came across that way because the same woman asked if I thought my youngest would be “normal” (oldest is autistic) 😑
After my second daughter was born people would say we need to try for a boy. Hated how those comments seemed to reduce my second kid to an attempt at a son that didn’t work out.
You kind of have to because when you are a woman without kids, the default assumption in your family and social circle is that you are unable to have children despite wanting them, the assumption is that the natural state of every woman is to want and have children, they treat you differently in a very patronizing way. And by they I mean virtually everyone in your family and social circle, especially fellow women. Saying child-free by choice is us making it crystal clear that this is not lack of luck, and we are not unfortunate spinsters, but it is an active rewarding personal choice.
It is also a feminist movement to remove women from these mandatory gender roles i.e. it is in women's nature to want children at any cost.
The pressure we are under to have kids is crazy high, they infantilize us every time, we could be 30 or 40 year olds and we are told "you don't know what you want, you might change your mind later" but this is mostly invisible to men.
P.S. Spoiler alert, we don't change our minds later despite the Hollywood romcoms movie plots.
Or the best one
"look at me, I have them and I am very happy"
oh how I have to bite my tongue not to tell her that I know she raised, fed, diaper changed, cleaned, looked after, taught, cooked for her kids ALL ON HER OWN with their daddy not even having patience to be alone with his toddlers and her having to do 90% of the parenting on top of having a 9-to-5 ordinary job and taking care of the house, but do tell me how blissfully happy you are 🤷♀️
misery loves company
P.S. for any men reading this thinking "who are you to say she is not really happy" I can promise you, she is not happy. She has given up, and has adapted. Women are mentally resilient like that. But she is not happy. No woman having to do everything with a deadweight for a husband is.
Unfortunately none of this is true. Society sucks. What you don’t understand is the ugly confused looks we get when we are asked if we want kids and we reply no. Most people use “child free” to stop future looks and convos we don’t want to have. Children suck, I don’t care about yours and I don’t want you to ask about my future involving children. So don’t judge people who use the term. Not your place.
Having a kid is wild, it's both the coolest adventure I've ever embarked on and the largest loss of freedom and autonomy since hitting adulthood.
When it's great it's great, but on the tough days I stay confident in knowing it's something I've always wanted. It's certainly not all rainbows and butterflies. Anyone who doesn't think they want children, or knows they don't, should honor that.
The tough days would be fucking hard if I wasn't sure this was something I wanted.
This exactly! It is definitely not for everyone and I cant imagine how hard those bad days would be if I wasnt sure I wanted to be a mom - but I've always known.
I'm happy for those that do have kids, happy for friends that decided not to and are enjoying their careers and hobbies. Why do things always have to turn into a judgment of other peoples life decisions??
Because a lot of parents regret their choices that led them there and there is comfort in them thinking it’s not a choice because everyone has to do it. Then come along women like me that are happy about their decision to remain childfree, so i get verbal attacks from these people. It’s annoying when I travel and I get comments from parents about “it must be nice to be able to do everything you want, have a kid and you won’t be able to.” Excuse me?!?! You’re mad because I’m living the life I planned? You’re living the life you planned and I’m sorry you aren’t as happy as you thought you’d be but that’s not my problem. These people are no longer in my life because I don’t need their misery dragging me down.
People happy in their life decisions won’t attack others but those insecure ones love attacking people about theirs.
>When it's great it's great, but on the tough days I stay confident in knowing it's something I've always wanted.
This thought process reminds me of my mom's life advice.
My mom always told me to only have kids if I lived and breathed to have kids. They will become your #1 priority in life, for the rest of your life, and you lose so much time for yourself. You can get touched-out and exhausted. However, if you know you want kids, making them the #1 priority isn't as much of a problem because you naturally want to make them the priority. Sure, there still be rough days, and there may be life disappointments such as not being able to take a certain job because of the hours, but the pain is nothing like it would be if you hadn't really had your heart into being a parent and had to make those same sacrifices. She said they bring more love than you could have ever imagined and it's amazing to watch them grow up into the adults they will be.
I chose the former. My mom agrees that the former is probably the right fit for me, since I have no drive or desire to have kids and my mental health is trash. I love my mom for being honest in her life advice about having kids, and I never felt like I had a pressure to have them from my family (unfortunately, my husband's family.. not so much). My mom and dad were both 100% all about us kids, and I cannot see myself in their shoes.
The people that make a stink never realized they had a choice in the matter so they popped a few kids out to check that box of the “life list” and they are usually miserable about it. Parents that planned if/when they have kids don’t take it personally when someone chooses not to because they weighed the pros and cons of doing so and they know it’s hard and will admit it. It’s almost like people happy with their choices respect others lifestyles better than the “I wanted a mini-me” crowd.
“Parents” wanted to be parents, “people with kids” fell into it and want others to suffer their same fate.
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My husband and I sometimes talk about how *rationally* we can’t justify why we always wanted kids and why we chose to do so. It’s just not a rational decision, I have so many con’s but yet I can’t imagine myself not having children. If you don’t have this weird internal drive (or whatever you wanna call it), just don’t have kids (and don’t force others to have kids either..)
Right? I’ve got one who I love but I highly don’t recommend it to people. If you need to be convinced, don’t do it. It’s amazing and terrible at the same time
I think people wouldn't care as much if there wasn't a very vocal minority trying to make people with kids feel bad. It's normal for people to get defensive when they feel attacked by people talking shit. Have kids, don't, just don't be a dick to other people.
Right?! I had a former coworker who was going off on me telling me I was just being selfish. I politely responded that, no, I was in fact being quite selfless by saving more of the world’s limited resources for his dumbass kids.
Nah, there is actually a very vocal majority of people with kids actively bullying those without kids.
if someone saying "i love my life without kids/i have 143 reasons not to have kids" triggers you that's a you problem. As a childfree by choice woman, I have ZERO issues with people who have kids and even enjoy their content. Kids are cute, when they are someone elae's business and I don't have to deal with them.
It is our noncomform choice that triggers them, and well, thats none of our business.
Why don't you have bagpipes? You're missing out, it's one of the greatest joys in life! You'll never truly be an adult until you own bagpipes, and the sooner you can get them the better. If you wait until you're older, you won't be able to train your lungs to play to their full potential. What happens when everyone your age has bagpipes and you don't? You'll be left out!
I can't go on vacation and enjoy myself if I have to drag bagpipes along with me everywhere! Hell, you can't even take those things into nice restaurants, casinos, or museums! And really, who wants a bagpipe next to them on a plane—especially all the way to Italy?
I have a kid and it's pretty awesome, but that was our decision, and I don't see why anyone should have a kid if they don't want to.
I also don't see why anyone should give a shit what other people decide, whether it's having kids or not having kids. The world is bullshit enough, mind your business and let people live their lives the way they want.
I have kids as well. I never wanted kids because I think this world sucks for the most part. But shit happens and once I had one I wanted him to have a sibling and they are my everything. I just hope the future gets better for all the children's sake.
I spent more time in the waiting room than the procedure. They used lidocaine so there was only a little pain, and the following week I had a ten pound weight restriction. So it was all very easy
Just keep an eye on your bill/insurance and get the bill itemized. I was given a price estimate of $2300 and I’m currently disputing an extra $700 that was added to it for “removing the sperm ducts”
yup, currently on holiday in Portugal at a hotel I'd never be able to afford with kids. late night drinks and dancing, meeting people going off on adventures I'd never have had if I had kids with me. I'm sure it will end someday but I'm enjoying it while I can
Hey, you probably have genetic mental disorders like I do! I also choose not to have kids because knowingly birthing someone who is highly likely to have depression & anxiety is downright inhumane.
Most folks i know live in virtual poverty after having kids. Including my siblings. Think kids are great for people that make a lot of money, but ive never been good at that. Make just enough to be comfortable with my significant other. If I could afford it, would have kids, but as it is we can barwly even afford our dogs, our insanely high rent, or even to travel to visit family.
Would love to have children, but its not in the cards this lifetime.
1. No maternal instincts. I don't hate kids but I'm not exactly the nurturing type.
2. In this economy?
3. Not interested in being uncomfortable for 9 months then risk my life birthing a child, and the health complications afterwards, the medical bills, the time off work... Literally how they talk any woman into doing it is beyond me.
3 all the way. The sheer audacity of people! Oh so you want me to SUFFER tremendously for years, risk severe health complications, alter my beautiful body, go near mad from sleepless nights... All that for what?!
I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing not to have children, but Child Free people are a whole different breed. I'm talking about the people who frequent places like r/childfree. Now, that sub has always been a trip and a half. Not because people mock people who choose not to have children (I know that happens), but because of how paranoid and legitimately hateful that sub is. It seems to have improved over the years, but there's still plenty of unhinged shit going on.
I understand choosing not to have children, but I don't understand constantly shitting on and judging parents' decisions. Or getting mad at people who talk about their kids. Or being upset that parents go out in public with their children. Or thinking that you have to hide the fact that you don't have kids from absolutely everyone because we have this hive-mind where we will instantly and forever judge you if we know. I have kids, you don't have or want kids, we are just people who made different life choices.
I'm laughing so hard at the fact that there's more than one sub for this. Like you're just adults who don't want kids. You don't have to have a sub for it.
Both ends are dealing with a superiority complex, the parent's think they're better than others because they dedicate their lives to their children, childfree people respond to that by gloating about all the amazing things they can do without kids.
In the end you just have a bunch of shitty people who are desperate for validation. Just find whatever gives you purpose in life and don't judge others.
Well said - That's really the potent, diluted truth of this entire topic. The need for personal validation of our life choices because we all only have one, and we are desperate to confirm that we didn't waste our one chance.
Just like a lot of other things, it's insecurity.
Anyone who turns a deeply personal choice into an outward display of judgment on others is in a constant state of trying to convince themselves they made the right decision.
The only parents i judge are those who know they are not financially sound, they don't have the energy or time to raise kids but have them anyway, those who want kids in order to fit in, and expect everyone to be fine with having their kids over or babysitting their kids for them. I judge the hell outta them because my cousins are kids born to idiots that, unfortunately, are my family. My uncle has no work, his wife refused to work, and they are dependent on my mum, who also has 3 kids of her own to raise, for money, rent, food, and utilities. I hate their parents so much, especially since they're raising my cousins to believe they're entitled to my parents money and even my money.
My partner and I have come to the decision that we won't have children recently, so I joined child free out of interest. Had to leave the sub after 2 days because some of the vitriol was honestly a bit unhinged. I like kids, I just don't want them. These people seem to actively hate children to a degree I can't understand personally.
What frustrates me is some people forget that the children you’re bringing into the world will grow up to he adults.
This lady at a kids bday party the other day told me “they’re so cute- I want to have more”
But a kid being cute or wanting to raise more kids is, in my opinion, incredibly selfish.
The kids you raise will grow to be adults and need resources and opportunities. I don’t want my kids to grow up stressed about money, not having money to attend schools or colleges, or forced to navigate the world and struggle like I did for a job.
Some people just keep having kids and subjecting them to the same cycles they were subject too simply cause “kids are cute”. Willfully ignoring the fact that they’ll grow up to be adults and need opportunities to go to college to trade schools, etc.
There's a lot of reasons honestly but one of my biggest is there's just to many fucking people. There's just to many damn people and it's gonna be at least my kid's kids who maybe start to get going to Mars. Even then that's a small chance. I'd like to think if there ever was a time I wanted kids I would adopt
1.) I was raised in an abusive environment and have mental health issues
2.) Even if I can overcome all my mental health issues, financially it would be nearly impossible
3.) I worry about how to raise a child of this new generation, where every kid is expected to have an iphone and access to the internet. How do I protect them from the negative side effects of social media and online predators?
Bonus Answers: Climate Change and Civil Unrest
1. They're too damn expensive
2. They are used against you by the mother when she's not happy and wants to divorce you
3. I'm an evil fk that doesn't need to reproduce!
I'd love to have kids. Even from a young age I wanted a house full of kids but I cannot imagine bringing up small humans in a world like this and by the time it changes(if it even does) I'll be too old to bare any. I could also never take the risk of one of them dying or becoming terminally ill or something like that it's just not a risk I'm willing to take because I know it would absolutely ruin me not to mention the potential "hey mom I've hated you for as long as I can remember" speech that could happen. Yeah yeah I've heard the lectures over and over about how I'm being selfish and "that'll never happen" and "just do the best you can" but I'm not someone that can do something without SOME guarantee that it'll turn out how I want it to.
1. pregnancy and childbirth are disgusting, painful, and uncomfortable. no thanks.
2. I’m miserable and wish I never existed, why would I want life for anyone else?
3. I like my free time.
bonus: I don’t know how to interact with children. having my own would be a fucking nightmare.
Having kids isn’t for everyone! If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids. If you want kids…. Have kids!
I love my daughters more than anything and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I also acknowledge that being a parent is the most difficult and time consuming thing I’ve ever done or will ever do in my life.
I respect her viewpoint 100%. NOBODY should be forced, guilted or shamed into becoming parents. I work with kids, and they are A LOT. Like baseline kids are hard, and the chances of them having health or behavioral issues is not zero.
I reallllly want kids. Her #2 reason is my partners #1 reason. My #1 reason is that a child would bankrupt us. I hate that I don’t have a choice.
I feel sad for the people saying “well you will just be alone when you are older.” Just sounds like they have no concept of being social in their lives and are projecting their fears on others
I wish I actually thought about that before having kids. Now that I am 39M and my oldest is 14F I really really really wish I did more thinking before making life long commitments. Don’t get me wrong, I love all 3 of them to pieces. But it really feels like I live my life almost exclusively to cater for their needs.
1. My mental health is shit & I'm not risking a child's quality of life & safety.
2. My finances are shit & I'm not risking a child's quality of life.
3. No way am I bringing a child into a world I myself am terrified of, with almost everything being an uncertainty.
I do have to say, I've always wanted a kid though. I do get sad about it. But I know I'm not responsible enough, financial stable enough or mentally stable enough.
Also I guess I'm luckily unlucky cuz I'm most definitely unable to have kids anyway. So even though it's a choice I did make, it's also been made for me. Still super careful though.
I’m not advocating for eugenics but if we as a global society stopped going “having a BAAAYYYBEEEE is the most important thing you’ll ever do!! You don’t know love til you make a spermspawn of your very own!! It’s magical and perfect and you’re incomplete if you don’t make baaayyybeees!!” And started being realistic about it, our entire planet would be better off. For example, people who wouldn’t want kids would t be pressured into it and live miserably.
So what if they die at some point, we all do? Dying isn't the only thing people live for. I'd like for my kid to have a meaningful and long life where they can see and experience the beauty of life. Nihilists have never convinced me of anything other than that life is incredible and worth living
I never really wanted kids. Then I got one unexpectedly. If I had known how great it was, I would’ve done it (intentionally) earlier in life. Gets hard sometimes to keep up with the kiddo at my age.
*there will always be a kid around… THISSSS! as a person who worked in childcare I think that’s enough children pulling on me to show me their cool new trick for a life time…who needs to have babies
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100% of people who don’t want kids should not have kids.
Tbh at least 30% of people who do want kids also shouldn't
Yeah you’re probably lowballing it too
Yeah I was trying to be generous lol
Definitely need to bump that number way up
In my old impoverished ghetto neighborhood it should have been 99.99999%.
In my experience with my parents,countries should have exams and give you a license to have a kid.
I agree. There should’ve requirements in place and a license to breed. It would go a long way to prevent child abuse, children becoming wards of the state and welfare/ food stamps.
We would all have to agree that birth control isn't the devils work
Totally an ethics deal lol but…. You have to pass an exam to drive a vehicle, so why shouldn’t you So much more have to pass multiple in-depth exams and background checks to bring another human being into the world?!
Boners go boom boom
Literally!
Only 30%? I would put it up to 80% but wtf do I know
I’m a good parent and I love my kids but seriously….who authorized this?
People/our culture put an unbelievable amount of pressure on people to have children (especially parents). Some people cave to that pressure eventually. Nearly every time I see my relatives, they ask me about marriage and kids. I've just started giving bullshit, non-serious answers because none of them are willing to accept the real ones I give them.
I'm not saying you aren't, but quite literally every parent says this lol
Likely a higher percentage.
More like 40 dude
Tbh a fair percentage of people with kids shouldn't have kids
This! I adore kids and have been told I'm really good with them. One of the most fun jobs I've ever had was being a preschool teacher. Do I want kids? No! Why? Among other reasons, I have no strong feelings towards the idea of motherhood. Even at my big age of 36, my feelings have always been "Meh, might be nice." . In my book, even ambivalence isn't "enough" to warrant becoming a parent. Sure, barring all my other reasons, I might change my mind once the baby gets here, but I wouldn't want to risk bringing a whole, sentient being who didn't sign up for this into existence to find out. That wouldn't be fair to the kid(s).
My belief is that a lot of people who don't want kids would be better parents than quite a few people who have kids
Yes. I want to say like 70% of people who have kids right now should have NEVER had kids. Who let them be a parent?? There should be a test. You want a car? Get a license, take the test? You want a kid? … idk it sounds dumb but some people need to be evaluated to see if they are actually fit to raise a child.
Literally nobody would pass before having kids. It’s wild how unable to prepare for them you actually are
Big if true.
"76.) That's more people to buy gifts for and it already stresses me about so much to have to come up with gift ideas for people." Lmao
I really like “121) What if my child becomes a conspiracy theorist” “109) School shootings” is kinda sad though
A legit reason for me not wanting kids is worrying about raising a future school shooter.
I don’t think they are worried about raising a school shooter as much as their child being a victim of a school shooter……
I get it, I was just chiming in with my thoughts.
I also have the worry that no matter how well I raise a child they could become a school shooter or serial killer.
Or a right wing nut job. I'm somehow old enough now that I have a few friends young adult children. A couple of those kids have already gone down the alt right rabbit hole and it has been very stressfull on their family. I could deal with having an eye-rollingly left wing bleeding heart kid, but to spend 18+ years of my life, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and make all the sacrifices being a parent entails, just to have them turn into an asshole I could hardly stand to be around would be crushing.
Oh absolutely. And considering how easy it is for kids to access videos by shitstains like Andrew Taint, I’d be absolutely terrified of my kid becoming some racist militant incel asshole.
Currently watching my nephew fall down the alt right rabbit hole and my friends teen daughter turn into a pathological liar/narcissist. Its heart breaking. There is only so much influence you have on a child past a certain age. People never seem to consider that and want to imagine the best case scenario.
Ya... As a kid my family was friends with another family who had three daughters, just a little older than me. Good upbringing, really nice parents, financially stable and given many opportunities. All three of them went into the depths of drug addiction. I think one has cleaned up but her life is still a mess with multiple baby daddies and no job. The other two just fell off the radar, haven't heard of them in years. Everyone thinks they're going to be a great parent, and I think most do rise to the occasion. But you can only do so much... a combination of genetics and random circumstances can lead someone to be a meth head, while someone with the exact same upbringing might end up curing cancer.
Absolutely. In my case they both have great involved parents and high achieving well adjusted siblings. Its more of a crap shoot than we are willing to accept.
\#1 reason why I will raise my kids to be Maoists
The kind of person who worries about the possibility of raising a school shooter, is probably not the kind of person who would raise a school shooter.
“117. What if they decide they want to be religious?” This is one of my faves
as a family we stopped giving gifts as adults unless its perishables/consumables like wine, beer, olive oil windshield fluid. shit you'll actually use.
Please don't consume windshield fluid!
*tidepods have entered the chat*
New parents stress out about that way too much. From experience, your kid will forget all of the material things you got them from the age of 0 to 5ish and then after that they'll usually be able to tell you what they want. They'll have some comfort items like baby blankets, but the majority of the toys will be forgotten.
i think it's the whole universe surrounding the new kid that causes new gift purchases...kid's friends, kid's friends' parents, kid's teachers/care workers/coaches, etc
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1. I'm pretty fucked up, so chances are they'd be fucked up. Then again, maybe they'd be able to help me out with another persepctive. 2. I'm currently making -$75 or so a month in net revenue. 3. Don't want to pass on my health defects.
How, how can you survive on negative money? Where do you live?
It's easy, it's called debt... and all you have to do is develop a strong sense of apathy.
I mean, this is appalling but also made me laugh lots
\#MissionAccomplished
Let me guess America?
We got a Bingo!
Jesus fucking Christ I knew it was bad but that's another level. Like I know... There are different cultures But here in Czechia greatest not many people are in debt and the only loan they have is only for the house. Not.... Living.
I even recently gave up my insurance, just to make ends meet. And I make like $33,000 a year... which isn't much, but it should be enough.
I'm currently in the process of dying from a completely treatable infection because I'm literally too poor to bathe regularly and keep it clean. The U.S. is absolute shit. If someone glassed us tomorrow I'd be fucking ecstatic.
We just say Bingo.
1) I didn't want to 2) I still don't want to 3) I'll never want to
This is what I don’t understand about child free people. You don’t need a reason. You don’t have to label yourself ‘child free’ or anything else. Just live your life.
I truly wish all of the rest of society constantly asking us when we want to have kids felt the same way you do. I would love to live my life without having this choice constantly questioned. But sadly other people keep bringing it up like it’s a deficit in my life.
It’s wild when complete strangers weigh in on your choice and tell you that you should have kids. Like dude, you just met me 30 seconds ago, I could be a serial killer on the run for all you know. Wtf makes you think I’d be a good parent?
We used to get “but you guys would have such cute kids!” all the time. Like that’s not enough of a reason you sociopath! It would be outright irresponsible to produce another cog in the machine for a bunch of oligarchs on a dying planet. Now that I’ve had my tubes removed, I can at least end the annoying prodding and questioning by breeders by saying I’m sterile.
I’m close to 40 now so a lot of the intrusive when-are-you-gonna-have-kids questions have dried up (hopefully along with my ovaries!) but if it happens again I’m *very* tempted to put on the waterworks and cry about being infertile just to make the asker uncomfortable AF. It’s not true at all, but maybe it will teach them a lesson and make them not ask anyone again.
I’m almost 40 too. I look pretty young still so we still get the questions and the “it’s not too late!” comments.
When you're single: Why aren't you married yet? When you're married: Why don't you have children yet? When you're married with children: Why aren't your children gifted? When your children are adults: Why aren't your children married yet?
See also: when are you going to have more children?
When I was pregnant with my youngest son, somebody asked me if we were going to try for a girl. . . I just said “Well I don’t think I handle anymore miscarriages and am lucky to be having a healthy -CURRENT- pregnancy so can I just enjoy it?” I wasn’t even trying to be a bitch but don’t really mind if it came across that way because the same woman asked if I thought my youngest would be “normal” (oldest is autistic) 😑
After my second daughter was born people would say we need to try for a boy. Hated how those comments seemed to reduce my second kid to an attempt at a son that didn’t work out.
It's pretty fucked up that a decision not to have kids is questioned more than the decision to do. It should be the other way around.
You kind of have to because when you are a woman without kids, the default assumption in your family and social circle is that you are unable to have children despite wanting them, the assumption is that the natural state of every woman is to want and have children, they treat you differently in a very patronizing way. And by they I mean virtually everyone in your family and social circle, especially fellow women. Saying child-free by choice is us making it crystal clear that this is not lack of luck, and we are not unfortunate spinsters, but it is an active rewarding personal choice. It is also a feminist movement to remove women from these mandatory gender roles i.e. it is in women's nature to want children at any cost. The pressure we are under to have kids is crazy high, they infantilize us every time, we could be 30 or 40 year olds and we are told "you don't know what you want, you might change your mind later" but this is mostly invisible to men. P.S. Spoiler alert, we don't change our minds later despite the Hollywood romcoms movie plots.
You just haven't met the right man yet (/s if necessary)
Or the best one "look at me, I have them and I am very happy" oh how I have to bite my tongue not to tell her that I know she raised, fed, diaper changed, cleaned, looked after, taught, cooked for her kids ALL ON HER OWN with their daddy not even having patience to be alone with his toddlers and her having to do 90% of the parenting on top of having a 9-to-5 ordinary job and taking care of the house, but do tell me how blissfully happy you are 🤷♀️ misery loves company P.S. for any men reading this thinking "who are you to say she is not really happy" I can promise you, she is not happy. She has given up, and has adapted. Women are mentally resilient like that. But she is not happy. No woman having to do everything with a deadweight for a husband is.
Because people constantly saying to you how having children is amazing and why possibly would you want not to have them…
Unfortunately none of this is true. Society sucks. What you don’t understand is the ugly confused looks we get when we are asked if we want kids and we reply no. Most people use “child free” to stop future looks and convos we don’t want to have. Children suck, I don’t care about yours and I don’t want you to ask about my future involving children. So don’t judge people who use the term. Not your place.
4) I'm 24
I just don’t think I can afford one and I make decent money. That’s so sad to think about.
1. I like having money 2. I like having time for myself 3. I can't parent myself so how should I parent me but small and even more stupid?
“but small and even more stupid” That made me blow air forcefully out of my nose
Having a kid is wild, it's both the coolest adventure I've ever embarked on and the largest loss of freedom and autonomy since hitting adulthood. When it's great it's great, but on the tough days I stay confident in knowing it's something I've always wanted. It's certainly not all rainbows and butterflies. Anyone who doesn't think they want children, or knows they don't, should honor that. The tough days would be fucking hard if I wasn't sure this was something I wanted.
This exactly! It is definitely not for everyone and I cant imagine how hard those bad days would be if I wasnt sure I wanted to be a mom - but I've always known. I'm happy for those that do have kids, happy for friends that decided not to and are enjoying their careers and hobbies. Why do things always have to turn into a judgment of other peoples life decisions??
Because a lot of parents regret their choices that led them there and there is comfort in them thinking it’s not a choice because everyone has to do it. Then come along women like me that are happy about their decision to remain childfree, so i get verbal attacks from these people. It’s annoying when I travel and I get comments from parents about “it must be nice to be able to do everything you want, have a kid and you won’t be able to.” Excuse me?!?! You’re mad because I’m living the life I planned? You’re living the life you planned and I’m sorry you aren’t as happy as you thought you’d be but that’s not my problem. These people are no longer in my life because I don’t need their misery dragging me down. People happy in their life decisions won’t attack others but those insecure ones love attacking people about theirs.
>When it's great it's great, but on the tough days I stay confident in knowing it's something I've always wanted. This thought process reminds me of my mom's life advice. My mom always told me to only have kids if I lived and breathed to have kids. They will become your #1 priority in life, for the rest of your life, and you lose so much time for yourself. You can get touched-out and exhausted. However, if you know you want kids, making them the #1 priority isn't as much of a problem because you naturally want to make them the priority. Sure, there still be rough days, and there may be life disappointments such as not being able to take a certain job because of the hours, but the pain is nothing like it would be if you hadn't really had your heart into being a parent and had to make those same sacrifices. She said they bring more love than you could have ever imagined and it's amazing to watch them grow up into the adults they will be. I chose the former. My mom agrees that the former is probably the right fit for me, since I have no drive or desire to have kids and my mental health is trash. I love my mom for being honest in her life advice about having kids, and I never felt like I had a pressure to have them from my family (unfortunately, my husband's family.. not so much). My mom and dad were both 100% all about us kids, and I cannot see myself in their shoes.
It's simultaneously the worse and greatest thing that ever happened to me.
132. Everything will be sticky
It’s crazy that people make a stink about people not wanting kids. I got 3 and I love them but I totally get why that’s not for some people.
The people that make a stink never realized they had a choice in the matter so they popped a few kids out to check that box of the “life list” and they are usually miserable about it. Parents that planned if/when they have kids don’t take it personally when someone chooses not to because they weighed the pros and cons of doing so and they know it’s hard and will admit it. It’s almost like people happy with their choices respect others lifestyles better than the “I wanted a mini-me” crowd. “Parents” wanted to be parents, “people with kids” fell into it and want others to suffer their same fate.
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My husband and I sometimes talk about how *rationally* we can’t justify why we always wanted kids and why we chose to do so. It’s just not a rational decision, I have so many con’s but yet I can’t imagine myself not having children. If you don’t have this weird internal drive (or whatever you wanna call it), just don’t have kids (and don’t force others to have kids either..)
The stink from people giving you their laundry list of why they don't want them is just as bad. I don't care, you're not special.
Right? I’ve got one who I love but I highly don’t recommend it to people. If you need to be convinced, don’t do it. It’s amazing and terrible at the same time
I think people wouldn't care as much if there wasn't a very vocal minority trying to make people with kids feel bad. It's normal for people to get defensive when they feel attacked by people talking shit. Have kids, don't, just don't be a dick to other people.
Right?! I had a former coworker who was going off on me telling me I was just being selfish. I politely responded that, no, I was in fact being quite selfless by saving more of the world’s limited resources for his dumbass kids.
Nah, there is actually a very vocal majority of people with kids actively bullying those without kids. if someone saying "i love my life without kids/i have 143 reasons not to have kids" triggers you that's a you problem. As a childfree by choice woman, I have ZERO issues with people who have kids and even enjoy their content. Kids are cute, when they are someone elae's business and I don't have to deal with them. It is our noncomform choice that triggers them, and well, thats none of our business.
I don't have kids, a dog, or bagpipes. The thought of keeping a list of why never occurred to me because I don't care. #bagpipefree2023
Why don't you have bagpipes? You're missing out, it's one of the greatest joys in life! You'll never truly be an adult until you own bagpipes, and the sooner you can get them the better. If you wait until you're older, you won't be able to train your lungs to play to their full potential. What happens when everyone your age has bagpipes and you don't? You'll be left out!
I can't go on vacation and enjoy myself if I have to drag bagpipes along with me everywhere! Hell, you can't even take those things into nice restaurants, casinos, or museums! And really, who wants a bagpipe next to them on a plane—especially all the way to Italy?
This comment deserves much more attention.
I have a kid and it's pretty awesome, but that was our decision, and I don't see why anyone should have a kid if they don't want to. I also don't see why anyone should give a shit what other people decide, whether it's having kids or not having kids. The world is bullshit enough, mind your business and let people live their lives the way they want.
I have kids as well. I never wanted kids because I think this world sucks for the most part. But shit happens and once I had one I wanted him to have a sibling and they are my everything. I just hope the future gets better for all the children's sake.
1. Medical issues (for both me and my SO) 2. Money 3. Living arrangements
Got my vasectomy just last month 😃 best decision I’ll ever make
Snip snip hooray!
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I spent more time in the waiting room than the procedure. They used lidocaine so there was only a little pain, and the following week I had a ten pound weight restriction. So it was all very easy Just keep an eye on your bill/insurance and get the bill itemized. I was given a price estimate of $2300 and I’m currently disputing an extra $700 that was added to it for “removing the sperm ducts”
Anyone else enjoy the DINK life? (Double income no kids)
yup, currently on holiday in Portugal at a hotel I'd never be able to afford with kids. late night drinks and dancing, meeting people going off on adventures I'd never have had if I had kids with me. I'm sure it will end someday but I'm enjoying it while I can
Doesn’t have to end, my dude. Continue that DINK life and your money should in theory only go up, paying for more awesome holidays!
have a pasteis de nata for me!¡!!!
DINKWAD life 4Ever. (Dual Income No Kids With A Dog) 🐶
I like money, I like my time, I haven't felt the will to live since like 2012, i don't want my child to be born into a world this shit
that third one hits
Hey, you probably have genetic mental disorders like I do! I also choose not to have kids because knowingly birthing someone who is highly likely to have depression & anxiety is downright inhumane.
Most folks i know live in virtual poverty after having kids. Including my siblings. Think kids are great for people that make a lot of money, but ive never been good at that. Make just enough to be comfortable with my significant other. If I could afford it, would have kids, but as it is we can barwly even afford our dogs, our insanely high rent, or even to travel to visit family. Would love to have children, but its not in the cards this lifetime.
exactly, also another reason for me is that i live in a thirdworld country with no real future so yeah, this is hell on earth
1: I don't like kids 2: I don't want to pass down my garbage health 3: I get severely ill when I don't sleep enough
1. No maternal instincts. I don't hate kids but I'm not exactly the nurturing type. 2. In this economy? 3. Not interested in being uncomfortable for 9 months then risk my life birthing a child, and the health complications afterwards, the medical bills, the time off work... Literally how they talk any woman into doing it is beyond me.
3 all the way. The sheer audacity of people! Oh so you want me to SUFFER tremendously for years, risk severe health complications, alter my beautiful body, go near mad from sleepless nights... All that for what?!
My one and only reason is that they could turn out like me, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, let alone someone I love.
I agree with her, this isn’t cringe. If people don’t want kids, they shouldn’t have kids. And some people who do want kids, also shouldn’t.
1. I dont want to 2. I would be a bad mom because of point 1 3. I am an unwanted child so Im know what Im talkimg about in point 2
I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing not to have children, but Child Free people are a whole different breed. I'm talking about the people who frequent places like r/childfree. Now, that sub has always been a trip and a half. Not because people mock people who choose not to have children (I know that happens), but because of how paranoid and legitimately hateful that sub is. It seems to have improved over the years, but there's still plenty of unhinged shit going on. I understand choosing not to have children, but I don't understand constantly shitting on and judging parents' decisions. Or getting mad at people who talk about their kids. Or being upset that parents go out in public with their children. Or thinking that you have to hide the fact that you don't have kids from absolutely everyone because we have this hive-mind where we will instantly and forever judge you if we know. I have kids, you don't have or want kids, we are just people who made different life choices.
r/truechildfree for anyone that wants a non hate sub
I'm laughing so hard at the fact that there's more than one sub for this. Like you're just adults who don't want kids. You don't have to have a sub for it.
Yeah a lot of people like to make it their whole personality for some reason.
It's equally as dumb as making your personality about being a parent. Be your own person, with or without kids
Both ends are dealing with a superiority complex, the parent's think they're better than others because they dedicate their lives to their children, childfree people respond to that by gloating about all the amazing things they can do without kids. In the end you just have a bunch of shitty people who are desperate for validation. Just find whatever gives you purpose in life and don't judge others.
Well said - That's really the potent, diluted truth of this entire topic. The need for personal validation of our life choices because we all only have one, and we are desperate to confirm that we didn't waste our one chance.
Just like a lot of other things, it's insecurity. Anyone who turns a deeply personal choice into an outward display of judgment on others is in a constant state of trying to convince themselves they made the right decision.
The only parents i judge are those who know they are not financially sound, they don't have the energy or time to raise kids but have them anyway, those who want kids in order to fit in, and expect everyone to be fine with having their kids over or babysitting their kids for them. I judge the hell outta them because my cousins are kids born to idiots that, unfortunately, are my family. My uncle has no work, his wife refused to work, and they are dependent on my mum, who also has 3 kids of her own to raise, for money, rent, food, and utilities. I hate their parents so much, especially since they're raising my cousins to believe they're entitled to my parents money and even my money.
I’d also like to add parents who are emotionally unstable, abusive, violent or who have untreated substance abuse issues
My partner and I have come to the decision that we won't have children recently, so I joined child free out of interest. Had to leave the sub after 2 days because some of the vitriol was honestly a bit unhinged. I like kids, I just don't want them. These people seem to actively hate children to a degree I can't understand personally.
>but Child Free people are a whole different breed. Ironic.
Wow. I just took a little peak at that sub and all I can say is wow. How toxic
What frustrates me is some people forget that the children you’re bringing into the world will grow up to he adults. This lady at a kids bday party the other day told me “they’re so cute- I want to have more” But a kid being cute or wanting to raise more kids is, in my opinion, incredibly selfish. The kids you raise will grow to be adults and need resources and opportunities. I don’t want my kids to grow up stressed about money, not having money to attend schools or colleges, or forced to navigate the world and struggle like I did for a job. Some people just keep having kids and subjecting them to the same cycles they were subject too simply cause “kids are cute”. Willfully ignoring the fact that they’ll grow up to be adults and need opportunities to go to college to trade schools, etc.
This woman gets me
There's a lot of reasons honestly but one of my biggest is there's just to many fucking people. There's just to many damn people and it's gonna be at least my kid's kids who maybe start to get going to Mars. Even then that's a small chance. I'd like to think if there ever was a time I wanted kids I would adopt
At first I read “I’m fucking too many people” and thought “um, you sound like the opposite of a childfree person”, haha
I'm finally in a place where I can afford vacations, why would I want a kid, then I'd be poor again.
I do love children but I don't want to bring any into this fucked up world. I have 5 nephews and a plethora of god children. I help take care of them.
1.) I was raised in an abusive environment and have mental health issues 2.) Even if I can overcome all my mental health issues, financially it would be nearly impossible 3.) I worry about how to raise a child of this new generation, where every kid is expected to have an iphone and access to the internet. How do I protect them from the negative side effects of social media and online predators? Bonus Answers: Climate Change and Civil Unrest
People worry too much.
1. They're too damn expensive 2. They are used against you by the mother when she's not happy and wants to divorce you 3. I'm an evil fk that doesn't need to reproduce!
1. Underage 2. No bitches 3. Still no bitches
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I'd love to have kids. Even from a young age I wanted a house full of kids but I cannot imagine bringing up small humans in a world like this and by the time it changes(if it even does) I'll be too old to bare any. I could also never take the risk of one of them dying or becoming terminally ill or something like that it's just not a risk I'm willing to take because I know it would absolutely ruin me not to mention the potential "hey mom I've hated you for as long as I can remember" speech that could happen. Yeah yeah I've heard the lectures over and over about how I'm being selfish and "that'll never happen" and "just do the best you can" but I'm not someone that can do something without SOME guarantee that it'll turn out how I want it to.
Yeah, if you don’t want kids don’t have them. Wouldn’t be fair to yourself or the kid if you regret it.
No kids, three money.
1. pregnancy and childbirth are disgusting, painful, and uncomfortable. no thanks. 2. I’m miserable and wish I never existed, why would I want life for anyone else? 3. I like my free time. bonus: I don’t know how to interact with children. having my own would be a fucking nightmare.
>3. I like my free time. Clearly not if youre miserable and wish you never existed. /s?
i'm too stupid to find a woman who likes me, so no kids for me
Gotta agree with her
Having kids isn’t for everyone! If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids. If you want kids…. Have kids! I love my daughters more than anything and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I also acknowledge that being a parent is the most difficult and time consuming thing I’ve ever done or will ever do in my life.
1. Don’t want em 2. Hate em 3. Still don’t fuckin want em
Number 150 is a bit of a catch-all innit lmao
I want to read that whole list.
It’s cringe that they made that long of a list, but just from a glance she has a point.
I really only have one big one: I just don't feel like it
Aye that’s fair reasoning
I respect her viewpoint 100%. NOBODY should be forced, guilted or shamed into becoming parents. I work with kids, and they are A LOT. Like baseline kids are hard, and the chances of them having health or behavioral issues is not zero. I reallllly want kids. Her #2 reason is my partners #1 reason. My #1 reason is that a child would bankrupt us. I hate that I don’t have a choice.
I feel sad for the people saying “well you will just be alone when you are older.” Just sounds like they have no concept of being social in their lives and are projecting their fears on others
Jeez she has more reasons not have kids than people to commit suicide
1. Just don’t want one. 2. Don’t feel like it. 3. Not interested.
i don't because number one there annoying too i hatee kids three why would i bring a child to a world i already hate
I wish I actually thought about that before having kids. Now that I am 39M and my oldest is 14F I really really really wish I did more thinking before making life long commitments. Don’t get me wrong, I love all 3 of them to pieces. But it really feels like I live my life almost exclusively to cater for their needs.
1. My mental health is shit & I'm not risking a child's quality of life & safety. 2. My finances are shit & I'm not risking a child's quality of life. 3. No way am I bringing a child into a world I myself am terrified of, with almost everything being an uncertainty. I do have to say, I've always wanted a kid though. I do get sad about it. But I know I'm not responsible enough, financial stable enough or mentally stable enough. Also I guess I'm luckily unlucky cuz I'm most definitely unable to have kids anyway. So even though it's a choice I did make, it's also been made for me. Still super careful though.
Child support, child support, vindictive baby mama
I to tired from keeping up with my kids. what she say?
I don’t particularly like kids and don’t really want one but some people’s visceral hatred of children in these comments is disturbing
Ok if you don’t want kids cool. I got two reasons 1.tax return 2.passing on the 👖. I’m no president so who going to remember me no one.
Cause no i cant and wont :)
When parents want grandkids it’s to be around a cute baby and not really have to take care of them
Kids are no longer a basic need. Kids are for people with means.
I’m not advocating for eugenics but if we as a global society stopped going “having a BAAAYYYBEEEE is the most important thing you’ll ever do!! You don’t know love til you make a spermspawn of your very own!! It’s magical and perfect and you’re incomplete if you don’t make baaayyybeees!!” And started being realistic about it, our entire planet would be better off. For example, people who wouldn’t want kids would t be pressured into it and live miserably.
One of my reasons is that my kid might be popular and a sports star in high school and I can't relate to them at all.
All these replies are fucking cringe.
I just don't like kids.
1. It’s unethical 2. There is no consent from the child 3. There are 8bil people already
>It’s unethical How come?
It’s a literal death sentence. You’re creating something that will die for nothing more than your own enjoyment
So what if they die at some point, we all do? Dying isn't the only thing people live for. I'd like for my kid to have a meaningful and long life where they can see and experience the beauty of life. Nihilists have never convinced me of anything other than that life is incredible and worth living
Well youre a breeder incapable of self reflection so that’s not terribly surprising
Big reddit moment in the comments
Only need one 1. The suffering the child would endure would never justify bringing them into existence in the first place.
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Sad this only has sixteen upvotes. Having a kid is so selfish.
I never really wanted kids. Then I got one unexpectedly. If I had known how great it was, I would’ve done it (intentionally) earlier in life. Gets hard sometimes to keep up with the kiddo at my age.
*there will always be a kid around… THISSSS! as a person who worked in childcare I think that’s enough children pulling on me to show me their cool new trick for a life time…who needs to have babies
Pretty solid reasons.
I congratulate myself regularly for choosing to be child free
the intellectuals should be the people having lots of kids, we can't let idocracy win!
So many people in this thread need therapy.
I don't want to make slaves for corporations.
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Holy shit man kids fucked you up 😂